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Reviews for The lust of innocence

By : Doggnuts
  • From fire4ashz on July 24, 2008
    i really like this bc its dark and angsty plz update soon and continue this! it is amazing!
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  • From ANON - Megan Consoer on October 19, 2004
    I really like this story alot. Can you write some more chapters?
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  • From ANON - youkai mistress on September 28, 2004
    OH my!! PLEASE UPDATE THIS STORY ASAP!!!!!!!!!
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  • From ANON - theMaven on September 17, 2004
    Me again :)

    Don't listen to Week Darden. Yes, there are spelling and grammar errors, but because you've recognized that you're halfway there to solving your problem. Your characterization is excellent. Your descriptions are top-notch, and you have a true talent for weaving a darkly tantalizing tale.

    There are NO problems with your tense usage. I repeat: NO problems with your tense usage. Apparently, Darden has a problem recognizing sentence structures more complex twhatwhat they taught in elementary school. If he would re-ryouryour story and take notice of just the subjects and verbs, ignoring the modifiers, he would notice that they're all in PAST tense.

    *sigh* I'm sorry, but I have a problem with people who like to point out mistakes where there are none. It's hard enough posting your work on a public forum where anyone anywhere can subject it to his scrutiny without someone trying to make himself feel important by pointing out the fic's shortcomings and none of its strengths. The key to good critiquing is to point out the good along with the bad, starting off with what the author did well then working into what needs improvement, and, sadly, some people just don't get it.

    If you're looking for a good beta, I humbly suggest Auroremne. She helps over the tough spots in my fics, and I DO have a college degree--two of them, in fact.

    Just keep doing what you do, and you'll do well--theMaven :)
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  • From ANON - Auroremne on September 17, 2004
    Your work is good, but you DO need a beta, and I volunteer! Actually... I liked this story so much that I saved it and corrected it... so I've already got a corrected version. Email me if ya need my help!
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  • From ANON - essie on September 16, 2004
    this is a great fanfic please update soon
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  • From ANON - darklady on September 16, 2004
    oh my.....
    i love sess/rin fics and ilike how he took control
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  • From ANON - ChromiumBlue on September 16, 2004
    Hey, I'd love to beta for you! I love BDSM! If you'd like to know more about me my email is ShadowCat3013@aol.com.

    Ja Ne,
    Mackenzie
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  • From ANON - Week Darden on September 16, 2004
    You have grammar errors throughout the entire chapter. You have many
    spelling errors which could be easily corrected with a spell check. The grammar
    errors will take more effort on your part. You are going to have to decide whether
    to write in present tense or past tense.

    The woman leaned forward licking the hot wound, making Sesshoumaru throw his head back once more,
    moaning as he arched towards her. The very sound of his husky declaration of pleasure made Rin dizzy
    and caused her nipples to harden almost painfully.

    That small sample right there is riddled with you going past/present tense. It makes for a confusing read
    and detracts from any pleasure one might receive from your story.

    My advice to you would be to get a beta reader/editor. Preferably one who has attended college or is in the process
    of doing so.

    Good luck.
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  • From on September 16, 2004
    that was good update soon
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  • From ANON - vanessa on June 08, 2004
    Please update. I'm totally in love with this story. keep writing.Really one of the best stories i have read on AFF
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  • From ANON - Mica on April 10, 2004
    I simply fell in love with this story and I'm eager waiting for next chapters.
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  • From ANON - theMaven on March 25, 2004
    That niftnifty. Write more.
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  • From ANON - Someone Out There on March 18, 2004
    Hey, I found this story one time jumping around pages a few days ago, but didn't remember the name of it. I COULDN"T get it out of my head though. As I started reading it, it reminded me of (kind of) the beauty and the beast, because Bell goes off looking for beast in the west wing (you get the idea)... Anyway for thet twt two days I done searches trying to come up with something that would lead me to your story again, sadly it was a bust. So I decided to go through this site page by page, hoping you didn't remove it. After looking through 30 pages... well... here I am.

    I'm hooked on this story. Yes, you are cruel to leave it hanging (no pun intended) there! PLEASE up date soon. I know what it's like with writer's block, I've been terrible myself that last couple of months, but hope things get going here soon for you. I don't like this youkai witch (not wanting to use the "b" word in review) I like your story, and what you write, I just don't like her getting his attention, and I know you're going to change it. I just like Rin. (It's a little like when I read Inu with Kikyo, I'd rather it be Kagome.)

    I read someone else in review about being surprised with Sess being submissive, and that was my thought too. He's too...controlling, to dominate. But I can reason it as to why he might be in my mind just not on paper so to speak. Well thumbs up, Hope to be reading you real soon. You're too far back for people to really take notice of this story. Get it up there in the front again.
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  • From ANON - stella on February 28, 2004
    oooohhhhh, i like. will sesshy get what he wants so bad. please don't torture our demon for too much longer. good job and i like your story
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