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Reviews for Inuyasha's Terrible Sleepover

By : InuDude
  • From ANON - sango111 on August 28, 2006
    ok sorry i should know this but i don't what a flame is please tell me and if this
    is a flame i'm so sorry ok so did kagome's friends hear or see anything

    PLEASE ADD MORE It's very interesting
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  • From ANON - ketsume on August 04, 2006
    sorry it's me again did the girls hear anything
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  • From ANON - ketsume on August 01, 2006
    SORRY UMM PLEASE ADD MORE TO INUYAHSA'S TERRIBLE SLEEPOVER
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  • From ANON - ketsume on August 01, 2006
    that was so awesome please continue to make fanfiction at aff

    ^-^

    THANKS
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  • From ANON - gv on August 26, 2004
    what happened to the other girls?? and they didnt hear any of this...? great lemon but still...it perplexes me
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  • From inuyashagemini on August 26, 2004
    it's ok what happen next.
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  • From ANON - essie on August 26, 2004
    this igoodgood fanfic please update soon
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  • From ANON - NA on August 26, 2004
    Well, I hate to be the barer of bad news but:

    If you were aiming for a actual story... you were lacking in description, plot, character development, had loose ends and it went way to fast

    If you were aiming for a PWP... still lacking in description, sex seen way to fast and short, you ghe Whe WP part (without plot) but failed in writing a sex seen worthy of even your lack of proper build up.

    Read through others writing to get a better idea, and slow down. feltfelt rushed at the end, even if u are excited while you are writing get what you can down and then come back to it after a bit and add the details that your mind had issues adding during the moment... weather a sex seen or action. Try and expliote emotions more than saying 'this person when here, than later they went there and did this.' Where does Kagome feel her emotions? Does anger boil up from the depths of her soul or decend like a cold winter storm raging in her eyes. Try and find a poetic flow to your words and break up some of ur paragraphs.

    Keep writing, I hope you read your improving works as you get better.
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  • From ANON - konneko_nezumi on August 26, 2004
    ehh... i'm not much of a fan of PWPs... but i guess it was okay... i don't like the format of this story though... and they were ooc... it seems alrite, but it just seems like you rushed through your story... no offense. i was just hoping for some WAFF is all... i mean he wouldn't normally just jump in the sac... he's the type that thinks everythin through first... and spelling errors. sorries, i guess this is sorta a flame, but i'm just saying... SPELL CHECK!!! or get a beta to look it over for ya! this story has potential... but lacks experience... all in all, i'd give it 3 stars. g'luck wt ur future stuff.

    -Konneko-
    =^_^=
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  • From ANON - Tromy-chan on August 25, 2004
    ::looks at your f Hmm HmmYou'You're going to need help in this. It was a good idea but you need to remember two things one editing is your friend...

    Inu-Yasha: Wasn't that a bit harsh?


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