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Reviews for No one sees the tears when it rains

By : torturedinuhanyou
  • From wudelfin on April 15, 2007
    very well written!!
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  • From kookookitty on January 23, 2007
    speechless...

    in a good way.

    thank you,
    ginny
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  • From ANON - rin.dee on January 23, 2006
    ansolutely amazing!
    im putting this fic on my "recommended"
    eepppp!!
    I LOVE IT!
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  • From ANON - vic on November 30, 2005
    eevn if i am a dude i gotta say that was kinda sweet inu helping kagome
    if any1 says this 1 sucks theyll hav 2 go through me
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  • From ANON - pat on October 15, 2005
    awsome one shot i liked it cool thanx
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  • From ANON - Saddemoness on October 07, 2005
    That was such a good story. It almost made me cry i was so sad but at the same time one of the best stories I have ever read. I think you should write. More stories only don't make them so sad. Please keep writing. Great story!
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  • From ANON - anna on October 05, 2005
    very sad

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  • From ANON - kunkra on October 05, 2005
    awesome, it was so kuwaii!!
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  • From ANON - The Critic on October 05, 2005
    FINALLY! SOMEONE *REQUESTS* C&C!! I'll do my best to oblige.

    Your style of writing is decent enough. The words flow nicely together and you don’t leave the reader bored. Also, you can use a spell-check: you are sincerely thanked and already above 90% of the IY Fandom.

    The scene in which you described the mutilation of her family members left something to be desired. Often times when writing horrific/gruesome aspects, it is actually better to leave the EXACT details to the reader. Paint a picture without painting it, so to speak. You can put in details, but I guarantee your scene will have more of an impact if it is general. Everyone has a different idea on what makes something truly terrible, and the more you leave room for people’s imaginations, the better off you’ll be. For instance, you could say, “The entirety of Kagome’s family lay in various stages of mutilation and dismemberment. It was clear that the naked, now lifeless corpse of her mother had been violated, while the males had apparently endured a great deal of torment and pain in their last moments. The expressions on their faces would never be forgotten; save perhaps the old man who no longer had a face more than unrecognizable lumps of flesh hanging from the bone…” That’s off the top of my head. In other words, don’t make it a laundry list of things that happened and let your readers decide the specifics for themselves.

    The way Kagome seemed to recover from this incident just by Inuyasha being there and confessing his feelings seemed quite unrealistic. She just saw her family brutally tortured, but OMG!SQUEE!LURVE!!11!twelve!!1 I think it would be far more likely that Inuyasha would be there over the months she attempted to recover as much as one can from an ordeal such as this, and his love would be made known through those actions. This more than anything would give Kagome hope that she could move on and start a new family with him… Then again, my family has never been murdered before, so this is just my speculation until then.

    A few plot holes? If her mother caught her father molesting her, why didn’t she turn him into the police? After all, if she’s a strong enough woman to kick him out for it, she’d be strong enough to punish him for it. But even if she didn’t? With a threat like that, you’d think that the police would be involved to be on guard should her father decide to drop by and make good on the threat. Also, what was with the words being carved on her back? A copy of her mother? And the carving of words on people is NOT as common as Hollywood might have you believe. It takes a specific type of psycho to write on their victims, and Kagome’s dad didn’t seem to fit the profile. Plus, I doubt Kagome just held still for him while he carefully jack-o-lantern’d such a long phrase on her…

    I did like the way you made it clear that Inuyasha and Kagome had not discussed their plans for the future before she left. Too many authors have this gushy heart-to-heart just because she might be jumping into the well and not coming back often, if at all. Inuyasha isn’t exactly ‘expressive’ and I don’t think he’d be the one to bring it up. Whereas Kagome never questions whether or not she’ll return: she knows she is, so why would she need a long goodbye speech?

    On a different note, I noticed some portions of the fic sounded a bit like others that I have read… I am *NOT* accusing you of plagiarism, so don’t fret or get the wrong idea. I’m just saying that if you read something and it inspired you, it wouldn’t hurt to credit the one who helped you find your muse. After all, if you enjoyed a story, chances are someone else would too. Again, I am not saying you stole anything, but to be painfully specific? When Kagome is telling Inuyasha that she loves him as he is, her speech sounds an AWFUL lot like a scene from ‘Something Real’. If she inspired you, make a note of it. There’s no shame in sharing ideas with other fan authors!!

    Take care, and I look forward to seeing more from you in the future. ;)
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