Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Reviews for A Brand-New Girl

By : Hrtofdrkns

From kittenclaws on February 13, 2008
Interesting story I loved that kagome realized from her nightmare the pain and suffering she was putting Inuyasha through and Shippo well he deseved what he got the little brat he is a spoiled immature little sesshomaru want to be and she should have whipped him till he couldn't sit for a month. Well anyway loved the story very well written and detail oriented so many stories are not but this one is a fantastic read I give four stars and two thumbs up you rule.
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From ANON - Mixed Feelings on November 04, 2006
Well I REALLY Liked seeing Kagome give shippo some of his own back.

And I have very... Mixed feelings on the rosary.

On one hand I DO think its neccessary since inuyasha is in many ways an overgrown child.

an overgrown child with little healthy socialization.

an overgrown child with little healthy socialization, AND Power that could let him smash everyone in sight, in the middle of a tantrum (whiich he does throw basicly )

Even so... I think she SERIOUSLY Overuses the beads.

I could say that in a lot of the cases she uses them just because he said something she didnt like , shes really just trying to teach him to be more polite, because his mother wasnt around to teach him that.

But if that was the case I dont think she'd have used 12 repetions of the incantation, then just sighed in disgust without even offering him a better way to handle things.

I thought shippo was a little OOC I dont think he's THAT spiteful... but he really think that if Inuyasha gets Osurawrid for responding to shippo's insults, then shippo should AT LEAST get a time out for insulting inuyasha in the first place, but he's always hugged and told its all right.

sorry know this was a long review just wanted you to know my feelings are mixed.
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From ANON - Casey on August 03, 2006
Awesome story so far. I like the new Kagome and the small changes in Inuyasha's personality due to the beads being taken off. Keep up the good work and please update soon.
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From ANON - dangersque on August 03, 2006
That actually wasn't a bad plan. Both from a character standpoint and from an actual plan standpoint. Simple enough for a child to think of, yet would probably work if he went through with it. I think you made the right choice in having Shippo decide not to do it, even if it was a bit soon for my taste. I hope that wasn't the ending to the story, although it did feel like an ending.
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From doggieearlover on July 30, 2006
I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees the potential for Shippou to be a totally spoiled rotten brat. There are times he deliberatly baits InuYasha and runs to Kagome for her to sit him. And he's usually the first to make some comment where Kikyou is involved (he does it in the manga too). And you are right, nightmares tend to distort things and twist them (which why they are nightmare and not dreams). Anyway, I'm enjoying this fic very much and look forward to the next chapter.
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From ANON - Anon on February 09, 2006
Sesshoumaru in training's kind of over doing it. If anything he's a Loony Tune in training, albeit an annoying Looney Tune you want to see get eaten like Tweety Bird or the Road Runner...
I can't wait for the Kouga chapter, if you think about it, even without the Kagome junk, Inuyasha has a very good reason to hate him that nobody ever touches on: Kouga killed off an entire village that Inuyasha had to bury. That's gotta rankle him a bit, especially since he was pinned to a tree and got the rosary put on him and nothing he did approaches that, while Kouga had nothing bad happen to him as a result of his actiona at all.
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From Hrtofdrkns on January 24, 2006
Bill the Surly 2006-01-24 id # 2035616946
So, for you male "justice" is turning the woman you love into a lobotomized wife-slave. I feel sorry for your future wife and daughters.

Can someone point out how Kagome has become a lobotomized wife-slave? I can't seem to recall where I wrote that.

The following is an e-mail I planned to send to Mr. Surly, before I realized he left no address.

Bill, I plan to delete any and all communications from you in the future. You obviously have nothing of value to contribute. This site is for adults, with the implied understanding that writers and reviewers will act like adults. That means treating people with respect. You have proven, on this and other occasions, that you are not mature enough to handle such a responsibility. I can only hope that someday you will mature and learn basic manners and curtisy. Then I will be happy to hear your thoughts on my writtings.

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From ANON - ??? on January 22, 2006
Story is good but trust me shippo isn't like that. He merely teases Inuyasha. Like siblings would do. Something like that a is WAY too mean for him. He really cares about Inuyasha and would most certainly know how much that would hurt him. Anyway I'm not asking you to change the story but jsut saying that if thats how you see shippo you're not looking deep enough into his character. Anyway keep going you're a pretty good writer considering how much you write and how often.
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From ANON - Serena on January 22, 2006
Its very well written (but just to note: until has only one "L") and offers a refreshing perspective that falls against the norm. I don't agree with spanking though, and certainly not with an object. Spanking only leads to hurt feelings and resentment, sometimes even the fear of a parent, but it does put a child in line I guess.

I can see Kagome waking up one day and realizing the fact that many of her actions were cruel and I'm glad she did. As someone else suggested it would be interesting to see what would happen if Inuyasha lost control and Kagome didn't have the subduing charm to aid her. Though, I think she's proven that she doesn't really need it :) I don't necessarily agree that a lemon is needed in this particular situation because I don't see this story going in that direction, its more about morality. I'm interested to see where you take this work.

Good job:)
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From ANON - chanda on January 22, 2006
Looks like Shippo needs another spanking with his bad ass little attitude. Look forward until your next chapter.

Chanda
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From ANON - anon on January 21, 2006
Well I think you are doing a good job. Those reviewer that are ragging on about how Sessy has changed and stuff they need to remember that this is FANFIC so it is not going to be exactly like the amine/magna. The characters may be a bit OoC but that is how you CHOSE to write them... get a grip people... jeez. You write some long winded review about how a character is and ask if the author ever watched/read the anime/magna? The author is writing thier version of this "based" on those characters but it is still the author's version and is not going to be exactly like the original. I believe you are writing well and writing things as you feel they could have happened later on down the road if Shippou wasn't "reined in" so to speak on his behavior. As far as Shippou being a Sessy in training well maybe not so much since Sessy only used the "unmother" to get Inuyasha to tell him where the sword was hidden. It was more of a means to an end and not "really" meant to be cruel like the joke Shippou played. People tend to forget that yes Shippou is a child but there were times when he did stuff just so Inuyasha would be "sat" ... so did Miroku for that matter. And as far as them watching Shippou get spanked that just added to the punishment that people got to watch him be punished. I do want to ask if Miroku & Sango are going to get called on about the times they talk about people when they think they can't hear or the times they "snoop" when Inyasha/Kagome want to be alone along with Shippou being the "snoop" Anyway I am done babbling please keep writing this story you are doing well... don't listen to those reviewers that are being negative about parts of the story.
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From ANON - Jan on January 21, 2006
This is a very good story but I don't think shippo is this mean!
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From ANON - InuGrrrl on January 21, 2006
Great as usual. Shippo's quite the little fucker
isn't he? i agree that Shippo can be brat even
though this is a tad extreme. Good job & I hope
he gets another ass whoopin.
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From ANON - Rei on January 20, 2006
....shippo's being a damn spoiled rotten pathetic annoying little freakin bratt. nice chapter by the way
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From ANON - dangersque on January 19, 2006
First, to Krusoe: I was aware that Ayame's a product of the anime. Until Takahashi directly condradicts the existance of Ayame, I don't think it's wrong or unreasonable to count her as canon, especially for the purposes of a fanfic. The anime, whether you think it did a good job of translating the manga or not, is official merchandise, with (I imagine) approval from the writer. As far as I know, Takahashi owns the copyright for Inuyasha and her characters, and, IIRC, owns one of the production companiues that had a part in producing the anime. I doubt the writers would or could plop in a character as important as Kouga's intended without some sort of approval from her. Just like Harlequin from the Batman animated series, and just like every character and event in the Star Wars expanded universe, it's canon until it's not. That is, it's canon until the writer says it's not. But, your mileage may vary. And Kouga's been very dishonest (though it's mostly to himself) about his feelings. He knew Kagome less than a day before he was shouting his "love" for her. Sorry, it doesn't happen that fast. If you add up all the time he spent with her, it probably wouldn't add up to a week. If he was honest with himself, he'd figure out it's probably just an infatuation. Not that there's anything wrong with that, we've all had crushes that were "totally true love."

And to the writer: And I still don't see your logic in picturing Shippo doing that. Yes, he's selfish (most people are) and spoiled (most children are), that doesn't make him a sociopath. I agree that because he never gets disciplined (except for the smacks to the head that are immediately undone by Kagome's reaction) his behaviour would escalate and escalate, until he did something potentially life threatening, but I believe that he has his limits. Calling him a Sesshoumaru in training is a little harsh , IMO. Even when you see him transform to torment Inuyasha, it's more of a "let's annoy him" thing, not a "lets open some psychological wounds" thing. And while, yes, it's not uncommon for children to taunt other children over the death of their parents, there are two problems with Shippo doing what he did. 1) It's too sophisticated. Most of Shippo's pranks (that I've seen) are purely spur of the moment. For him to pull this off, he'd have to think of it, decide it's a good idea, figure out how to best get the information, wait for Myouga, come up with a good reason for asking for the information (because he'd have to be smart enough to know Myouga wouldn't tell him if the reason was to play a cruel joke), and then after having a discussion with Myouga and convincing him to tell, actually executing the prank. He's just a child, there's no way he'd think of it on his own. And 2) he's not that kid. Never once has he made fun of, or insulted Inuyasha's mother. He hasn't even really made fun of Inuyasha for being a Hanyou, except for when they first met. If he had it in him to transform into Inuyasha's mother, you'd expect some build up along those lines. To jump to something so drastically cruel on his own isn't realistic. Having said that, if it turns out that someone else put him up to it, and convinced Shippo that everyone'd have a good laugh over it, I'd have absolutely no problem imagining it happening. Really, the worst thing I could see him doing on his own is transforming into Kagome or Kikyo and telling Inuyasha off, and that's only if he got really mad. It seemed like you got fed up with the way Shippo's written in most fanfics (where he is a little snot who could get away with murder because he's a child) that in wanting him to get his just desserts, you had him do something overly harsh and out of character so that he'd get it, and then you had some overkill with the punishment. I tend to do the same thing with Kouga and Shippo for those reasons. (Though I don't post mine, there's enough bad fanfiction out there already. And I say that as someone who hates kids and would like to see Shippo booted across the room a few times.

And to the reviewers whining about how bad of a person the author is: He likes to write parts in his stories about women and children being beaten. Get over it. If after Hate, A Paddle For Shippo, and Payback you don't know what to expect from this writer, that's your problem. If you do know what to expect from him, read the story anyway, and get offended, that's still your problem. He hasn't even done anything that bad or offensive in this story. And him writing those scenes doesn't make him a bad person. Stephen King's written worse things about child molestation and violence toward women and childen, (It, for example) that doesn't make him a bad person either. It just makes him someone who enjoys writing about darker things than most people. Stop giving him bad reviews because you hated Hate.

As for the actual chapter: Now that's what I'm talking about! Great, great chapter, no bad aftertaste at all. I can totally see Kagome voicing that revelation, and having that epiphany about Inuyasha's behaviour, I can see her friends having that reaction to the beads being off, and I can see Shippo (thinking Inuyasha's cast a spell) trying to get the beads back on him. And the method of Inuyasha's mother's death, can't hate on the cement shoes, though I like it better when people write her as being burned alive... I know that sounded really horrible, but it makes for good stories. This chapter was as good, if not better than the first chapter. And the story works well as an exploration of the darker implications of the rosary, and the group's dynamic when it comes to how they behave toward Inuyasha. Are Miroku and Sango going to get called out on talking about Inuyasha behind his back when he can hear them? (Hey as rude and horrible as Inuyasha can be he's never done anything like that, and that's about as low as you can go when it comes to back-stabbing without actually back-stabbing.)
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