Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Reviews for Art Felt Drawings

By : oneswish

From Lunar84 on February 26, 2008
I think you have an interesting story from what I read so far. Honestly, I didn't get very far from the first chapter. The spelling and grammar errors in your fic are very numerous and they break the flow of your story. Also, the Miss Bliss thing reminds me way too much of Saved By the Bell. There are alot of positive reviews so far for this fic. Many people seem to enjoy it and as a first time writer that is something you should be proud of. I really really suggest you get a beta for your story. They can help with the spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors in your chapters. Or if you can't find a beta try just simple spell check or someone you know to look over it before posting.

I think it's great that you've taken up writing as something to do in your spare time. My husband too is in the military and this is my way of spending my day when he is not here.

I hope you don't take my advice as flaming. I really think you could improve this fic a whole hell of a lot just by correcting simple errors.
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From IntegraHellsing on February 26, 2008
Wonderful story so far! Please keep going.
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From sugar0o on February 26, 2008
again you amaze me, i love that you switched Sinatra's thats been a favorite song of mine since i heard it on the soundtrack of 'Kill Bill' its a lovely sad song, but you use dit well as all others you have before, and may as well afterwards. I cannot wait for the next chapter to be posted. Btw, you may find fanfic . net might give you more reviews, just load slowly but steadily and you'll get a bit more constructive and positive critiques. either way i adore this story and again cannot wait for another chapter to be posted. thank you for writing. - r0o
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From ANON - Anon on February 24, 2008
Well it's really odd in places not so much plot or whatever, which is pretty good so far, but spelling/word choice, it's loon not lune for instance & I have no idea what this hume thing is, the closest thing that I can find is 'Hyuuman', which as can be seen, obviously is a bastardized way of saying 'human'. Other than that it means the same thing as 'home', it's an older variation & is the name of a long standing Scottish family. It has no place in the Japanese language. I'd just change it to human or ningen depending on whether you want to use Japanese or English so that you don't confuse people. Hope this is helpful.
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From on February 23, 2008
Wow! That was a great chapter. I can't wait to find out more what her vision is about! And I like how Sess was at a loss for words for once. It shows his sweeter side. =)
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From sugar0o on February 23, 2008
awe! i love the King! and thats a great one too. yEy music i likes. okay i'm only putting this out there because well i can't help but give suguestions for old lovely songs that are well romantic and heartbreakingly sweet. Both are Nat King Cole's, 'Unforgettable' and 'Nature Boy' if you dont know that one then you may remember it from the opening of Baz Luhrmann's Moulin Rouge:

Nature Boy:

There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he

And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return"

*musical interlude*

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return"

btw DAMN GOOD JOB AGAIN!

-r0o
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From ANON - catcopy on February 23, 2008
another good song is "Dream a Little Dream of Me" Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, and Dean Martin all have done this one. In a way you could use it, Kagome telling Sesshoumaru how she feels about him. Stars shining bright above you, night breezes seem to whisper, "I love you".
Birds singing in the sycamore tree, "Dream a little dream of me".
Say "nighty-night" and kiss me. Just hold me tight and tell me you'll missme.
While I'm alone and blue as can be, dream a little dream of me.

Stars fading, but I linger on, dear.
Still craving your kiss, I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear.
Just saying this: Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you.
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.
But in your dreams whatever they be, dream a little dream of me.

Stars fading, but I linger on, dear.
Still craving your kiss, I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear.
Just saying this: Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you.
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.
But in your dreams whatever they be, dream a little dream of me.

lol its just an idea, anyway keep up the good work
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From SesshysRose on February 22, 2008
Another great chapter! I'm not much of a Sanatra fan, but he's alright...the tone of the song fit its purpose. I would like to see maybe some evanescence or something in there...but that's just me...whatever you can make fit is what you should go with! Great work...can't wait to see more! *huggles!*
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From ANON - catcopy on February 21, 2008
this is a great story.
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From SunsetMiko on February 21, 2008
Hey! This isn't really a review so much as a reply to your review since there wasn't an email for me to respond to.

1st, about SWtPF. I update with new chapters as I finish them on A Single Spark, Mediaminer, and Fanfiction.net. I started posting on AFF and Inuyasha Fanfiction, as well as on my Livejournal when I was quite a ways into the story. I'm revising, finding any errors I missed the first time, so as I revise the chapters I revise them on ASS, MM, and FF and post them on AFF, IFF, and LJ. I'm working on Chapter 78 right now, 76 and 77 are posted on the first three sites. If you want to be notified when new chapters go up on AFF then email me at sunsetmiko@inbox.com and ask to be added to the AFF updates list. If you want to be updated when new chapters go up on A single spark and such, then go to:

http://sunsetmiko.notifylist.com/swtpf_update.html

and sign up for the newsletter. You'll get a confirmation email that you have to follow the instructions to confirm it was you that signed up and then you'll get an email when i post new chapters. I used to have a list in my address book but the list was so long that my email server won't let me send an email to that many people at once so I had to switch it to a notifylist one instead.

You mentioned the Syndrome as well. That one I'm ahead in, with quite a few chapters finished and ready to post, which is why it seems like that one is updated more frequently. If you want notices about the syndrome theres a list for it too:

http://sunsetmiko.notifylist.com/syn_update.html

I'm glad to have inspired you to write! The summary of this story looks interesting. I'll have to go back and read it.

And I'm glad you've been enjoying my work. It's always nice to hear. I spend so many hours on them it is always nice to know it's appreciated.

You mentioned his clothes. I actually had to surf the web for quite a while before picking things out. It has been at least 5 years since I've even been to a mall! So having a picture to look at really does help me in writing the descriptions.

I also have a lot of support, which is a wonderful thing to have. My best friend, who I actually met through SWtPF, reads over all my stuff and helps me when I get stuck, and I do the same for her. And my husband has actually started to read my stories too, which is really funny because for years he's claimed to hate Inuyasha. Now that he started reading my stuff he wants to see the shows, and already watched all 4 movies. Too funny since he always complained when i was watching it.

If you want to chat or anything I'm always happy to exchange emails. Sunsetmiko@inbox.com

I wouldn't be surprised if you delete this giant 'review' once you read through it all, since it really isn't a review. I'll be sure to write one of those once I read it!

Christina
Sunset Miko
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From sugar0o on February 21, 2008
Well that was romantic in a way. OMG thanks for the song!, it was lovely, on duets II, Frank sings it with Lena Horn, its a fav version of mine, and i understand about the food thing. Honestly though i do love this fic, again never feel that you have to put any song i suggest into your fic b/c its your fic and you know the mood that would fit best, considering where it looks like your going with this, i do thing 'Strangers in the Night' would be a good fit to something coming soon. possible 'i get a kick out of you' *smiles* 0o0o0 or 'something stupid'
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From SesshysRose on February 20, 2008
I am enjoying the story...in fact, I had to look up and hear the song after you used it...and it really does fit perfectly...great work!!!!
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From ANON - catcopy on February 20, 2008
this is a great story. I draw only when my "fingers itch" I know what your try to say about pains when she need to draw. please update soon, or could you email me when you update. althea_2005@hotmail.com
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From KoiMiko on February 20, 2008
this very captiving fic i hope you continue to update. I can't believe poor Kagome lost her whole family. But you did make a way for the brothers to aleast get along so I can forgive you for that. Being one that eats and breathe art i can really get into this fic. great work
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From sugar0o on February 20, 2008
well thank you!!!!! i love Frank Sinatra, i think i have about 7 different Sinatra collection CD's of coarse there are many duplicate songs but then again some cannot be found in another way but to own so many. 'Fly me to the moon', is a rather famous one, and i've heard it sung by many, MANY other voices, but Sinatra just happens to be my favorite, i have a version that is rather slower then most, its very sweet. As far as 'Where or When' i have that on Duets II, if you have the CD, if not here are the words:

When youre awake, the things you think
Come from the dream you dream
Thought has wings, and lots of things
Are seldom what they seem

Sometimes you think youve lived before
All that you live to day
Things you do come back to you
As though they knew the way

Oh the tricks your mind can play

It seems we stood and talked like this, before
We looked at each other in the same way then
But I cant remember where or when

The clothes youre wearing are the close, you wore
The smile you are smiling you were smiling then
But I cant remember where or when

Some things that happened for the first time
Seem to be happening again

And so it seems that we have met before
And that we laughed before, also loved before
But who knows where or when

: one of my favorite songs ever! then again so are a lot of them, man i could give you a list! but i would never expect you to put them into story format, it would be cool though. I give you so much credit for 'I've got you under my Skin' in this story. honestly i could see everything you wanted to put out there as an author, and because i know that song by heart, i honestly felt chilled and sad, and amazed to read how you had her singing it. other fantastic songs if you haven't ever heard or read them are

'Come Rain or come shine':

Im gonna love you, like nobodys loved you
Come rain or come shine
High as a mountain, deep as a river
Come rain or come shine

I guess when you met me
It was just one of those things
But dont you ever bet me
cause Im gonna be true if you let me

Youre gonna love me, like nobodys loved me
Come rain or come shine
Well be happy together, unhappy together
Now wont that be just fine

The days may be cloudy or sunny
Were in or out of the money
But Im with you always
Im with you rain or shine

:or another very popular one, 'Embraceable You', it may work somewhere for you. I'm sure you know that one though. anyway I'm going to be watching out for this story. Not only because its a fantastic fic, but i love art, and Sinatra... i think the only thing you could do to make this story any better would be to have her making candy/chocolates of some kind. I love deserts! specially watching those odd contests from the food network. but that has nothing to do with this, its fantastic. 'Three coins in the Fountain' good one too.

DAMN GOOD JOB!!
-r0o
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