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Reviews for The Deal, The Make Over, The Boyfriend?

By : TheDisasterousChibi
  • From ANON - krystal on February 25, 2008
    I am really enjoying this story and where it leads you!lol It is great to have an author that gives speedy posts. I like it ,,,yep I like it a lot.:)
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  • From ANON - Kitty on February 24, 2008
    I love you I can’t get enough of this story please please continue writing. ^_^
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  • From Lunar84 on February 24, 2008
    I'm going to be honest here. The grammar, spelling, and punctutaion are awful. It really takes away from the flow of the story. I know that a previous reviewer has stated this before. That is something that shouldn't be overlooked. If you personally, are bad in all these three areas you need to find a beta.

    I think you have a cute plotline here and if it weren't for all those mistakes it would be really nice. I adore this couple. Yet, I truly feel that if a writer does not take the time to make sure their work is edited and up to par in everyway, then I shouldn't take my time to read it. Not trying to be rude. I'm just trying to offer you some advice to improve your fic.
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  • From ladyai21 on February 24, 2008
    ok. when i first read this story i wasnt so sure about it. I mean SESS is my fav character of all time. And his character seemed a little off. so i was about 2 read another story, but i decided 2 read on...and im so glade i did. U had me hooked by the 3rd chappie. I have 2 say that this story is amoung my top favs now. SO keep up the good work. I cant wait 2 see what happens next.
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  • From fangirlqueen on February 24, 2008
    This story is so awsome. The premise seemed cliche at first but your take on it is really good and funny. ^_^ cant wait for you to update.
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  • From Panchat on February 24, 2008
    nah, i loked the chapter, you let your characters talk so it's normal if it doesn't come out the way you want it too. looking forward to the next update.
    BTW do you have an email group to notify in case of updates? if so can you add me? thx ^^
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  • From marcia on February 24, 2008
    When writing dialogue each character is supposed to get their own paragraph regarless of how much is said. By combinging them the way you did it makes it hard to understand. Don't forget your "" you've missed putting them in making your dialogue even more confusing. You have a lot of spelling and gramtical errors as well. I'm also a bit confused as to how them going out is going to make Inuyasha upset.

    If Rin is 8 why is she being carried like a toddler? My kid is 4yrs old and 4ft tall and 34lbs and he's considered small by German standards. An 8yr old is taller and heavier. No in their right mind carries an 8yr old. You're asking for back pain later, trust me. Expecially if Kagome is only 5'5. Maybe Rin is just small for her age. Really small. Why is Rin talking like that anyway? Does she have speach issues or something? I know she talks like that in the anime but she was also mute for a while and younger than in your story and suffered repeated trauma. She also speak in complete complex sentences just using her name instead of I. Don't draw off of the anime/manga since you made her older think of 8yr olds you know and use them as a guide line it'll make it more believable.
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  • From missnykoongawa on February 24, 2008
    Yay you updated! I can't wait for more.
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  • From ANON - Kitty on February 23, 2008
    Write more! Write more! This is so funny. Please write more ^_^
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  • From ANON - krystal on February 23, 2008
    I love your story!!It is great! I also love the quick posts! I will check out your other works as well. Thank-you for giving my life some readable entertainment.")
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  • From ANON - Anon on February 23, 2008
    nice story i realy like cant wait for the rest update soon plz
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  • From Panchat on February 23, 2008
    heh, i liked thiese chapters they where quite entertaining.can't wait to see everyones expression when they go to school the next day!
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  • From Panchat on February 23, 2008
    heh, ok at first i was skeptical of the hole thing ut i really like it! plz write soon!
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  • From missnykoongawa on February 22, 2008
    This is sweet! I can't wait for the next story.
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