Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for Thank You My Love

By : Elvira
  • From Vyper on July 14, 2009
    It is a good oneshot story. Thanks.
    Report Review

  • From 83Sherlock on July 14, 2009
    I would highly recommend you find a beta, or check on line for a copy of the Bedford Handbook (lovely little thing, if a bit wordy). Placing periods in the middle of sentences, which creates fragments, is not a good way to showcase the importance of a sentence or indicate pause. Fragments are like visual speed bumps, not only do they distract the reader, but they break the established pace of the story.

    To show you an example, this is how a reader sees it:

    "The lord was always with her at first -STOP- Lavishing her with gifts and love -STOP- Her heart grew to love him and what she thought the same for him for her -STOP- But that was a lie -STOP- He only wanted an heir -STOP- And when she was with pup -STOP- He abandoned her for other woman -STOP- How did she find out."

    I do not mean "stop" as in "stop what you're doing", I mean in it in place of the period.

    Corrected it should read:

    "The lord was always with her at first, lavishing her with gifts and love. Her heart grew to love him and what she thought the same for him for her, but that was a lie. He only wanted an heir and when she was with pup, he abandoned her for other woman. How did she find out?"

    I'm not saying this to be mean, I am blunt by nature, but I do try to encourage people to strive to write beyond their abilities, to take every bit of constructive criticism and mull it over, even if it stings. I hope this has been of some help, and whatever else may come your way review wise, never stop writing if you truly enjoy it.

    ~Anna McNarin
    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!