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Reviews for Speak No Evil

By : StabMySanity
  • From RogueMudblood on April 22, 2012

    My first suggestion is going to be researching Japanese school structure if you're going to reference it in your story. "Secondary school" is not how the Japanese refer to high schools, and depending on the age you're assigning to Kagome here, may not be a relevant term at all. Chūgakkō is the term for school from ages 12 to 15; kōtōgakkō for ages 15 to 18. "Secondary school" varies by region in its definition, so it's not proper to assume that "high school" in the US would be synonymous with "secondary school" before doing a little investigation into the region(s) in question. Details like this are what make a good story much better, and attention to detail is what helps a story stand out as being well-developed.

    "High school" in Japan is not compulsory. And the teachers at those schools do specialize in fields, so Kagome would not have sat with one teacher all day long. Yes, she would have stayed in the same room for most of the day; however the teachers move to each classroom to teach their specialized subject. As far as the size of the school, there are an average of 40 to 45 students in one Japanese "homeroom" (the classroom they sit in all day while the teachers come in and out). In the US, class size may vary, and several states have passed laws which limit the maximum number of students allowed in each class. In some states, that number is as low as 18. The highest I found was 35. So it is very likely that her school in Japan would have, physically, been much larger than the US high school in which she finds herself.

    And they have lockers in Japan. Kagome would know what one was, though she would be confused about putting books in it. They would have no need of that in Japan, since they mostly stay in the same room all day; she would, however, likely have been curious when she arrived at the school as to where she should put her shoes, and where her school slippers would be.

    Also, Kagome would not have been surprised by the detention - she was late to class, which is not tolerated in Japan. She also would never have had the audacity to fall asleep in class. Japanese students - and teachers - take school work very seriously.

    I find myself very curious as to how old Kagome is exactly, that she has a child who is old enough to be left home in an apartment alone, without a caregiver. A child who did not get into the food that was left in the apartment for Kagome to find when she came home from school. And if Kikyou is deaf, then why is she able to speak so well? She should be signing back to Kagome, because if Kagome is mute, Kikyou would not have heard the sounds to associate with the words she's speaking.

    I think you have an interesting idea here, but I think you need to research a bit more before including some things in your story. If you choose to come back to this story I would certainly encourage you to take the time to map out everyone's ages, and if a character is, say, three, then keep their speech patterns similar to those of a three-year-old. While I think it could be interesting to see how Kagome would handle both being in school and having a handicapped child, I think you might be better served to have her in college than high school, or have Kikyou be a niece instead of her daughter.

    Happy writing to you.
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