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Reviews for Unofficial

By : 3lue3utterfly
  • From 3lue3utterfly on December 04, 2011
    Actually the story isn't finished yet. I wanted to post it to different sites, but the updated version is on FFN and Eternal Destiny. I have the same penname there if you wanted to check out the updated version. Thanks for reviewing. I'm still learning how to use this site lol I haven't had time to go through and edit my chapters but I will hopefully soon.
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  • From SplendentGoddess on December 03, 2011
    Is this story finished? 'Cause on the one hand it kind of feels finished, and you did upload it all at once so one would assume that's the end, but on the other hand there's still that whole 'death threat' thing going on. I built up in my head so many different comments to make while reading this story but I don't want to overwhelm, LOL, so I'll just say that all in all I really liked it. I can't even really be mad at Inuyasha for what ended up happening right at the end there with Eri, because truthfully, he and Kagome weren't in a relationship, per Kagome's insistence, so maybe that was the last push that she really needed. That whole 'you don't know what you have until it's gone' sort of thing. I must admit I was relieved to see the way you ended that chapter, because so many things could have gone so differently. I was terrified at first that you were just going to have it be an angsty ending, first with Inuyasha proving Kagome right and crushing her heart, ending the story with him in his office thinking 'what did I do'. Then with the black car that almost drove her over, clearly on purpose, I was even more terrified that you were going to have the story end with her death. THANK YOU for not killing Kagome off, LOL. But what the hell is up with Nazuna hiring these goons to take Kagome out? That needs to get resolved! I also found it curious, though I guess it doesn't really matter, that you made up a random girl instead of using Kikyou. What's in a name, right? On a complete side note, I hope to the kami that if you ever in real life accidentally start a grease fire in a frying pan while making bacon, or anything else for that matter, that you DO NOT put it in the sink and run cold water! By the gods! ROFL. I just mentally deleted that scene and replaced it with Kagome begrudgingly chucking chard bacon that she merely overcooked, otherwise she would have been screaming bloody murder when the fire flashed and burning grease popped into her face. But physics issues aside, all in all, this is a really good story! I did notice the occasional typo, mostly wrong-word usage as opposed to an actual spelling error, and the occasional missing word, but that's okay 'cause we all make those mistakes from time to time. It wouldn't hurt for you to proofread this thing again and go back through with a few corrections, but the errors were few and far between enough that they in no way hampered my enjoyment factor. The story itself, plot wise, was really good, though I personally think it needs at least an epilogue to tie up a few loose ends. Kagome and Inuyasha could still be unwed and 'trying' their relationship out, but it'd be nice to know what happens with the psycho ex. Just a suggestion.
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