schedule
February 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
(I know I said that she has a car, but she's only
gonna use it when she needs to go to far places, but her school is only a few blocks away.) <-From chatper2
At the end of the day, Kagome made sure to take her time, and slowly get her stuff. She was in no
hurry to walk 5 miles in the now hard pouring rain. <-from chapter 4
You might want to try to keep things continuous. First you say she only lives a few blocks from school and now it is 5miles that is more than a few blocks. At least where I live it is. This sounds interesting though so keep writing.
gonna use it when she needs to go to far places, but her school is only a few blocks away.) <-From chatper2
At the end of the day, Kagome made sure to take her time, and slowly get her stuff. She was in no
hurry to walk 5 miles in the now hard pouring rain. <-from chapter 4
You might want to try to keep things continuous. First you say she only lives a few blocks from school and now it is 5miles that is more than a few blocks. At least where I live it is. This sounds interesting though so keep writing.
schedule
February 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
(I know I said that she has a car, but she's only
gonna use it when she needs to go to far places, but her school is only a few blocks away.) <-From chatper2
At the end of the day, Kagome made sure to take her time, and slowly get her stuff. She was in no
hurry to walk 5 miles in the now hard pouring rain. <-from chapter 4
You might want to try to keep things continuous. First you say she only lives a few blocks from school and now it is 5miles that is more than a few blocks. At least where I live it is. This sounds interesting though so keep writing.
gonna use it when she needs to go to far places, but her school is only a few blocks away.) <-From chatper2
At the end of the day, Kagome made sure to take her time, and slowly get her stuff. She was in no
hurry to walk 5 miles in the now hard pouring rain. <-from chapter 4
You might want to try to keep things continuous. First you say she only lives a few blocks from school and now it is 5miles that is more than a few blocks. At least where I live it is. This sounds interesting though so keep writing.
schedule
February 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
(I know I said that she has a car, but she's only gonna use it when she needs to go to far places, but her school is only a few blocks away.)... <-From chatper2..... At the end of the day, Kagome made sure to take her time, and slowly get her stuff. She was in no hurry to walk 5 MILES in the now hard pouring rain. <-from chapter 4.......... You might want to try to keep things continuous. First you say she only lives a few blocks from school and now it is 5miles that is more than a few blocks. At least where I live it is. This sounds interesting though so keep writing.
schedule
February 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Sorry something is being wierd with the review. In one chapter you said she lives a few blocks from school and then in chapter 4 you said 5miles???? This is a good story but try to keep things more continuous. You made it a point ot why she wasn't going to be using her car and then later say it is so much further away. At least where I live 5miles is much further then a few blcoks. But keep writing I am interested to see Inuyasha's reaction to Kag/Sessy going on a date.