schedule
April 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
oh girl you better update! this is too good
schedule
April 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
very nice, as always. at least inu knows miroku is holding out on him. ....still think the monk needs to be thwaped! ...damn lecher! GRR. the angst is amazing, the characters right in personality as always. i love your souta, he's great. Kagome's right, he was raised right. i was like, awww....and it's true. LOL. very well done there. poor inu...hopefully kagome doesn't do anything...brash....like going to hojo ::shiver shiver:: he's just a big no. LOL> very well done, i can't wait to read the next chapter!!!
schedule
April 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
AHHHHHH!!! how could you leave an evil cliffy like that you better hurry up and write the next chapter this is amazing and i cant waite to read what else you have instore for inuyasha and kagome along with poor hojo
schedule
April 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
great chapter! i love that you explained why miroku didn't tell inu. cause i was totally going to ask you about that ;). anyhow, how long do to think this ff will be? will the mir/san lemon come before the inu/kag one? just curious... ;)
schedule
April 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Please post more soon! It's so heart breaking!
schedule
April 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
You've done an excellent job setting up the premise for the fic. Really emotional and very heart-wrenching. One can actually feel the pain of the characters, and you’ve managed to put a new spin on some of the older concepts of the series. It really is an excellent start, and while I don’t want to try to dictate how the story will progress, I do have a few suggestions of what pitfalls you should attempt to avoid. I normally wouldn’t do this, but this fic has a lot of potential and I’d hate to see it go the way of the cliché.
It is good that you set up the conflict of emotions in the characters. But remember – this gets *old* very fast. Too many authors write chapter upon chapter going over the same ‘hope to despair and back again’ scenario. If you want to maintain your unique quality, I suggest that you allow them to have some type of focus. For instance, have Inuyasha firmly decide that even if it means sacrificing his pride, he will try to win over Kagome. Or firmly have him make an effort to let her go. Although if you do the latter, please remember to set it up well. Inuyasha is not one to give up on anything and too many authors go the way of “well, he just wants to see her happy so he’d let her go”.
So far the fic has progressed slowly. That is GOOD because you were setting up a basis. You pulled it off beautifully (and with good grammar and spelling which is always appreciated). But now that you’ve set up a foundation, build on it rapidly. Don’t keep the reader dangling for too terribly long. It gets frustrating and people are far more likely to either stop reading or wait for the fic to be finished before continuing so that they can skim to the interesting parts.
Remember that in the series, Sango and Miroku have *NO* qualms about keeping inside information. This is seen is several episodes. For instance, in episode 109, Inuyasha is confused as to why Kagome is flying with Kirara. Miroku tells him plainly that Kagome is hurt by the fact that he was with Kikyou. Both of them openly tell Inuyasha on several occasions when he’s hurt Kagome. It’s likely that in this circumstance, one of them would say something to him about the part of the conversation he missed, ESPECIALLY if asked for advice about whether or not to pursue her.
Kagome has never had a problem with telling Inuyasha that she feels hurt or jealous. Once again, episode 109 springs to mind. She yells at Inuyasha ‘I’ve been enduring it for so long, so why can’t you just leave me alone?’ Based on her previous actions, if he started being an ass to her to either try to let her go or because he resents her, she would tell him to stop being an ass, he’s already hurting her enough as is.
Again, I am not trying to write your fic for you. It’s just that this actually has major potential, and I don’t want to see it become ‘just another IY fic’. If you want to respond or use me as a beta, please e-mail me at themuse (at) rebel-muse.net.
Please update again soon!
It is good that you set up the conflict of emotions in the characters. But remember – this gets *old* very fast. Too many authors write chapter upon chapter going over the same ‘hope to despair and back again’ scenario. If you want to maintain your unique quality, I suggest that you allow them to have some type of focus. For instance, have Inuyasha firmly decide that even if it means sacrificing his pride, he will try to win over Kagome. Or firmly have him make an effort to let her go. Although if you do the latter, please remember to set it up well. Inuyasha is not one to give up on anything and too many authors go the way of “well, he just wants to see her happy so he’d let her go”.
So far the fic has progressed slowly. That is GOOD because you were setting up a basis. You pulled it off beautifully (and with good grammar and spelling which is always appreciated). But now that you’ve set up a foundation, build on it rapidly. Don’t keep the reader dangling for too terribly long. It gets frustrating and people are far more likely to either stop reading or wait for the fic to be finished before continuing so that they can skim to the interesting parts.
Remember that in the series, Sango and Miroku have *NO* qualms about keeping inside information. This is seen is several episodes. For instance, in episode 109, Inuyasha is confused as to why Kagome is flying with Kirara. Miroku tells him plainly that Kagome is hurt by the fact that he was with Kikyou. Both of them openly tell Inuyasha on several occasions when he’s hurt Kagome. It’s likely that in this circumstance, one of them would say something to him about the part of the conversation he missed, ESPECIALLY if asked for advice about whether or not to pursue her.
Kagome has never had a problem with telling Inuyasha that she feels hurt or jealous. Once again, episode 109 springs to mind. She yells at Inuyasha ‘I’ve been enduring it for so long, so why can’t you just leave me alone?’ Based on her previous actions, if he started being an ass to her to either try to let her go or because he resents her, she would tell him to stop being an ass, he’s already hurting her enough as is.
Again, I am not trying to write your fic for you. It’s just that this actually has major potential, and I don’t want to see it become ‘just another IY fic’. If you want to respond or use me as a beta, please e-mail me at themuse (at) rebel-muse.net.
Please update again soon!
schedule
April 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
yey!! it was a great chapter! and yes, it was as good as the first... but i'm not a writer. i'm a business major. so... there weren't very many grammatical mistakes! ;)
i'm totally curious about kouga tho. is he gonna try to get kagome? or is he pissed/sad that she doesn't want him? will inu rip off sess' other arm when he finds out what sess wants? :P
i'm totally curious about kouga tho. is he gonna try to get kagome? or is he pissed/sad that she doesn't want him? will inu rip off sess' other arm when he finds out what sess wants? :P
schedule
April 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
good, good, good! keep it coming, can't wait for the "climax" :)
schedule
April 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I honestly didn't expect that you would post the next chapter so quickly, it makes me feel all fuzzy inside. I agree with you about posting the chapters months apart, it can be quiet annoying. They leave you at a cliff hanger, only to make you wait months until they post again. Only the new chapter is the shortest chapter you have ever seen! It can sure get on your nerves. Anyway, after reading the first chapter I was wondering what InuYasha would say, think and do. I read this chapter and it fills in all the blanks! Thank-You! Usually when I read some stories, they have rather good plots, but they don't take the time to tell you want each of the characters is feeling. That is whet makes this my absolute favorite InuYasha fan fiction yet! There is nothing that I would change, or anything that seems to be a problem with this fic. Anyway I think I wasted enough of your time, and my cat is making my feet go numb, all I would like to say is please continue to write new chapters and update. Thank you. Zincpaw.
schedule
April 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
wow...another amazing chapter. that was awesome. honestly, you brought tears to my eyes with inu compairing what he heard from kagome to seeing the arrow from kikyo. that's just some real great anologies there along with some real good raw emotion. i want to thwap miroku though. he knows...he heard it all and can't figure out why inu is in such a grumpy mood. damn he's thick...then agian, i'm sure he has some great interesting ideas on his mind. LMAO- dancing around the well singing. that's priceless!!! i could kill to see the look on Sesshiles face on that one!!! very well done. great new chapter. don't worry about living up to the first chapter, the work you have done thus far is amazing!!!