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Selfish	By : Quickening Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Miroku/Kagome Views: 6559 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
- 1-Selfish
- 1
This
is a Miroku/Kagome oneshot I wrote in response to the
second fanfiction contest hosted at the Monk and Miko
mailing list. Which never actually came
to any conclusion so as far as I know, nobody actually won anything. Figures.

Selfish
By Quickening

Everything was ruin.

Destruction, as far as the eye could see; desecrated
forests; razed and blackened fields; lakes and rivers filled with sluggish
liquid that could no longer be described as water, or so parched that their
beds cracked like the skin of mummified corpses; a sky the color of blood
pulsing with heavy clouds the color of soot; and bodies. Bodies were lying everywhere; twisted,
grotesque corpses, human, youkai, and animal alike, misshapen and deformed, as
though even after death they sought to writhe with the agony that had consumed
them.

She stood alone in the middle of this field of horror, and
was too numb to feel sick at the images it presented her. In one hand, she clenched her bow, now a
useless stick of wood, snapped clean in two.
In the other was loosely clutched a single arrow, sputtering with the
remaining sparks of her exhausted power.
Her eyes, open yet unseeing, were fixed upon the bodies lying closest to
her.

A small child with fox-colored hair and supple tail, now
scorched and matted with drying blood; his bright, mischievous green eyes now
glazed over with death; his expressive face frozen in an illustration of horror
as the echoes of his agonized screams forever lingered in the burning air. Being the smallest and weakest, he had been
the first of their little group to fall, and she knew she would forever suffer
beneath heavy guilt of her failure to protect the one who had always looked up
to her as Mother.

There lay an elderly lady, still clutching her useless
bow, her single eye open and narrowed and her lined and aged features
determined; ever the proud and noble miko, certain of their victory over evil
even though half of her own body had already been brutally ripped away by a
razor-edged tentacle.

A young woman lay crumpled among shattered armor and the
remains of slain youkai; a testament to her own fierce and violent struggle
before the lances of bone had pierced her from behind, binding her to the
fire-baked earth in some grotesque parody of a pincushion. Beside her, half on top of her, curled the
mangled form of her loyal companion, fur matted and burnt, the long, sharp
tusks of her fangs shorn clean off, determined to the last breath to protect
her beloved mistress from harm, although the life had fled the human�s body
long before the youkai finally surrendered hers.

And finally, the young man with
amber-gold eyes and flowing hair that had once been the purest white, but now
rivaled the crimson of his robes for color, rested at her feet, stabbed through
with his own sword, pinning him to the ground.
The enchanted weapon still somehow held its transformation even though
breath no longer passed through its owner�s lips, and the lifeblood continued
to pour out of him into the dirt in an ever-widening pool. His face frozen in a contortion of surprise
and agony, his open eyes stared up at her, reproachful, condemning. You
failed. You failed. This is all your
fault. You failed� they accused over
and over, so that she was forced to tear her eyes away from that dead gaze in
order to keep the weight of it from dragging her to her knees.

There was one other, she knew. There should have been another lying there,
dead, but he was gone. He�d been the
last to fall, killed by his own hand as the black hole he carried in his palm finally
cracked and split and consumed him entirely, leaving not even a body to prove
he ever existed. His eyes, too, she
could still feel burning into her, a gaze of betrayal and disappointment. Why? he had seemed
to ask her, even as his mouth remained frozen around agonized screams while the
Kazana literally ripped his body apart. Why didn�t you keep your promise? Why did you have to let us die? Why didn�t you die? How do you deserve to live when you are the one who let
us all die?!

�It�s not my fault!� she screamed,
clapping her hands over her ears, although it did nothing to drown out the
voices. �It�s not my fault!�

Oh,
but it is, came the disembodied reply; a deep voice like honey and velvet
and the slick, deadly hiss of scales on a coiled serpent. You
made a promise to complete the Shikon no Tama and
look what happened. You failed, and now
everybody is dead. The earth is dead,
and the one who killed it still roams free.
And it is all�your�fault.

And Kagome, finally overwhelmed by
the weight of the guilt and the agony and the sorrow that consumed her, fell to
her knees with her hands fisted in her hair, loosing the hot tears that ran
like blood down her face, and screamed, and screamed, and screamed.

&~&~&~&~&~&~&

�KAGOME!�

She awoke mid-shriek, her body
involuntarily jerking itself upward, instinctively struggling to escape the
tight, bruising grip that something held on her arms. Her throat burned with the force of her
cries, her chest heaving as she gulped in deep gasps of air. Her eyes were wide and wild, blinded by tears
and the firelight and her own terror as her mind sought to escape the lingering
remnants of the nightmare.

Slowly, soothingly, a rich, deep
voice began to penetrate her stricken countenance�a voice similar yet
oh-so-different from the taunting, whispery snake-voice in her head�and she
very gradually began to relax as her mind finally caught up with her
surroundings. There was no more razed,
ruined land; she was in the middle of the forest, could smell the rich, earthy
scent of the trees and the bushes and the mossy ground beneath her. The air was cool upon her flushed face, the
crackling of a campfire reached her ears, and above that, the dearly familiar
voice continually murmured soothing nonsense into her ear. She realized a moment later
that she was being held, cradled in a protective embrace, like a very small
child in need of comfort. She was
sitting in someone�s lap with her legs draped sideways over theirs, one hand on
her shoulders to pull her close to a warm, solid chest, as the other pressed
her head to rest beneath a strong chin, stroking gently through her hair. She closed her eyes and drew in a deep,
shuddering breath, knowing even before she smelt the scent of green tea and
black ink, or felt the press of rosary beads against her arm, who it was that
held her.

�Miroku-sama,� she croaked out, her
voice hoarse and throat sore from all her screaming. Shame immediately overwhelmed her as she
imagined what it must have looked like, her screaming and thrashing like the
possessed over something as silly as a nightmare. But�and she shivered involuntarily at the
memories the word invoked�what a truly horrifying nightmare it had been.

�Kagome-sama,� the monk replied,
keeping his voice soft and gentle. �Are
you well now?�

�I-I�m fine,� she replied stiffly,
not quite able to keep the quaver out of her voice as a new emotion�the utter
relief that she was awake from that horror-vision and that her friends were all
still alive and well�threatened to spill more hot tears from her eyes.

�I think not,� the man argued
gently, keeping his grip firm as she sought to pull away from him. �You�re shivering like a terrified rabbit.�

�Shut up,� she muttered, ducking her
head to hide the flush in her cheeks. He
laughed softly, to her bemusement.

�Do you want to talk about it?� he
asked, and was answered with a massive shudder that shook her entire body. �I guess not,� he added, gazing at the small
girl in his lap pityingly.

�Where is Inuyasha?� she asked hoarsely,
looking blearily around their camp.
Sango and Shippou weren�t with them this time around, Sango having taken
Kirara to scout out the terrain a few miles ahead, and Shippou having decided
to go with her simply because watching Inuyasha and Kagome constantly bicker
had become less than exciting after all this time. Which had turned out to be a good thing,
after all, since witnessing his surrogate mother screaming like all the fires
of Naraku were burning at her heels would have undoubtedly sent the poor little
kit into a frenzy of terror. At any
rate, it was now simply the three of them�except that three had obviously
dwindled down to two with the lack of the hanyou in his usual roost in the
trees.

Miroku hesitated. �Inuyasha left sometime after dusk,� he
replied, choosing his words carefully.
�You were already asleep.� She
didn�t ask where he had gone off to, and Miroku was relieved. He hadn�t the heart to tell her that just
before the hanyou�s disappearance, a ghostly Shinidamachuu
had drifted past them just outside the campsite.

Then again, it didn�t seem to matter; one look at her
saddened countenance and Miroku realized that she already knew where Inuyasha
was.

He sought to keep a reign on his temper, cursing the other
man in his mind. Hadn�t the poor girl
suffered enough for one night? He knew very well that it should have been
Inuyasha who held Kagome in his arms, protecting her from the visions that had
terrorized her. He was the one Kagome loved, after all. But because of the idiot�s inability to let
go of the past once and for all, Kagome had been left abandoned to the
imaginings of her own mind, left to scream and cry and shake with fear, seeking
comfort that would not come. Miroku
could not leave her alone; her cries
had shaken something in him that he thought he�d kept carefully buried, a sense
of fierce protectiveness that he knew he had no right to be feeling over
somebody else�s woman�even if that somebody else didn�t appear to want her.

Very well, then. If that was how it
would be played out, then who was he to ignore a
damsel so obviously in distress, Miroku thought grimly as he cradled Kagome�s
form in his arms. He would offer her all
the comfort he could, poor as it might be, and even if it didn�t come from the
one she truly wanted, hopefully it would be enough to ease her troubles, if
only for awhile.

So he sat there, swallowing the questions that rose to his
tongue, certain that when Kagome was ready to speak, she would. He made sure his hands stayed in the proper
places, not wanting to upset her further with his usual habit of groping, and
she seemed to take comfort in the fact that he was behaving himself, for she no
longer protested at being held in his lap.
Rather, she let her body slump against him in weariness, her head tucked
under his chin as her soft hair tickled his throat. To say that Miroku rather enjoyed having her
cuddled so quietly and trustingly in his lap was like stating the blatantly
obvious fact that water was wet, and he was loathe to do anything to drive her
away from him. So much so, that he found
himself barely breathing lest he accidentally stir the memory as to exactly
whom it was that was holding her so intimately.

True, his back had a bit of a crick in it where he pressed
up against the uneven trunk of a tree, and his legs were beginning to tingle
ominously in the places where her soft weight was slowly putting them to
sleep. But that was a small price to pay
for such a treasured moment, and even those discomforts were forgotten when she
shifted, raised her head and looked up at him through huge, night-shadowed eyes
that still glittered with the traces of tears on her lashes. He suddenly felt as though he�d just taken a
blow to the heart�from Inuyasha�s fist.

�Miroku-sama, what is it that you�re most afraid of?� she
asked him, so quietly that her voice barely passed beyond a whisper.

He was startled; the question had been completely
unexpected, and he was not prepared to answer such an intimate query. He faltered for a moment; it was on the tip
of his tongue to toss out some flippant reply as he always did when faced with
such personal issues, but the sadness on her face gave him pause. She was obviously very serious about this,
and he owed it to her, he supposed, to give her a serious answer. Besides, he suspected that her question had
more to do with her nightmare than she was prepared to admit, and he still
longed to ease those troubling memories from her heart.

When he didn�t answer right away, Kagome carefully picked
up his hand�the cursed hand that loosely clutched her elbow�and drew his arm
over her shoulder to bring the covered appendage before her. Miroku sucked in a breath in spite of himself
when she held it between her own, showing not a glimmer
of fear as she examined it, lightly tracing her finger over the bespelled
beads, the only thing which held the raging monster at bay. �You�re afraid of the Kazana, aren�t you?�
she guessed. �Y-you�re afraid of the day
when it�when you�� She choked on the
words, unable to continue.

Miroku�s eyes softened at her distress, and he gave her
shoulders a comforting squeeze. �I do
not fear the Kazana,� he told her softly.
�I�ve long ago accepted the fact that it may end my life one day. By accepting this fact, and preparing for it,
I have no need to be afraid.�

She looked up at him suspiciously, as though suspecting
him of a lie, but he was the very picture of sincerity as he gazed back at
her. She looked down again. �Then what is it that you do fear?� she
asked. �You do fear something, don�t
you?� Her tone of voice suggested that
she needed to know what that might
be, although he could not begin to fathom why.
But he was finding, much to his consternation, that
he was unable to deny Kagome-sama anything she requested of him, even if it
meant sacrificing his pride in the process.
But what was pride anyway, compared to easing her troubled soul?

�Yes,� he finally admitted on a breath. �There is one thing I fear.� His cursed hand clenched convulsively for a
moment, and then relaxed as Kagome stroked the back of it soothingly, turning
it over to cup her soft little palm within his own. �I do fear the Kazana,� he admitted, �but not
for what it might one day do to me. I
fear of what it might afterwards do to others.�
To you, was his unvoiced
meaning.

�To others?� He heard the
puzzled frown in her voice, her head tilting curiously to one side, and
instinctively he lowered his face so that his rough cheek grazed her soft one,
gazing at her hand resting so trustingly within his own. So small, so frail�the thought of those
fragile bones being crushed, being consumed by the black hole was enough to
make him sick, and he abruptly tore his hand from beneath hers and stuffed it
beneath his robes, hiding it from her innocent gaze. She looked up, twisting her head to meet his
eyes, startled. �M-Miroku-sama�?�

He gritted his teeth, suddenly wanting to run away,
wishing that there was some way to change the subject, but somehow unable to do
so. �When�if�I am consumed by the
Kazana,� he began in a low, tight, painful voice, �what is to stop it from�from
growing completely out of control?�

A sudden widening of her eyes; she understood, then, what
he meant. What he feared. That, after he was gone, the Kazana would not
simply disappear as his father�s had, but would continue to rage and grow and
swallow everything in its path, everything and everyone, until there was
nothing left to consume, nothing but the empty blackness of itself. He feared the destruction of the entire
planet, of life itself.

Just like she did.

She drew in a deep breath at the realization, and almost
without realizing it, whispered, �We-we�re exactly the same.�

�What?�

She turned to look at him again, into his startled eyes,
and managed a weak smile. �We both fear
the same thing,� she explained shakily.
Before he could pry her for explanation, she continued hoarsely, �In my
nightmare�the earth was destroyed. All of it. There was
nothing but death. The mission
had�failed. Naraku took the jewel, he
finished it, and he wished for the destruction of life. I�I watched all of you die�� Here she choked a bit at the memories, and
Miroku squeezed her hand in an effort to remind her that he was still there,
still very much alive.

�I couldn�t do anything but�but stand there. Just�stand
there while you all died in�horrible, horrible ways! And then there was nobody left, and I was the
only one alive and�and...you kept demanding to know
why I was still alive because it was all my fault that you were dead because I failed and�and�� She began to choke on the sobs that tried to
escape through her words, and Miroku forgot what little propriety he was
attempting to maintain as he pulled her closer to him, turning her so that she
was flush against his chest, her face buried in his neck as she trembled with
renewed sobs. He closed his eyes
sorrowfully as he embraced her fully, one hand stroking soothingly over her
back while the other tangled itself in her thick, soft hair. Strangely enough, not a single thought of
groping her ever crossed his mind. Even he understood when best to keep
inappropriate gestures to himself.

�It was only a nightmare, Kagome,� he murmured, his lips
brushing her hair. Appropriate or not,
he couldn�t bring himself to call her �sama� just now. It was too impersonal for such an intimate
situation, and the fact that she didn�t protest greatly encouraged him. �It hasn�t happened,� he added firmly. �It�s never going to happen, so banish that dream from your mind. Ease your heart, Kagome. Please?�

�But how do you know?� she choked. �W-we�re so close to the end�only a few
shards left and�and he still has most
of the Shikon no Tama and what if it wasn�t a
dream? What if it was
a�a premonition?�

He winced; in truth, that was entirely possible. She was a miko, after all, no matter how
untrained she might be. To have a vision
wasn�t entirely unheard of�

But in the next moment, he mentally smacked himself for
having such dire thoughts. He was
supposed to be comforting her fears,
damn it, not offering them encouragement!

�Kagome,� he began, gently chiding as he tilted her chin
up to meet her gaze. �Have you ever had
a premonition like that in all the time we�ve been traveling together?�

Something in his tone must have reached her, because she
suddenly looked a little sheepish.
�Well�not exactly,� she mumbled.
�Although�there was that one
time when I dreamt I�d fail a major history test and I did. History! Which I�m practically living right now!�

Miroku forced a lighthearted laugh and pulled her close to
him again, nuzzling his face against her hair.
�When did you become so pessimistic?� he asked teasingly, desperately
attempting to lighten the atmosphere.

�Since I saw all of my friends dying in front of my eyes,�
came the muttered response, and he sighed.
Well, nobody could say he hadn�t tried�

�Kagome,� he began reasonably, �as I understand Time, it�s
something of a paradox, is it not? What
happens in my future has already happened
in your future.�

�Yeah�� she murmured sleepily. Then, abruptly she sat up and shot him a
perplexed glance. �Wait�run that by me again?�

He chuckled again, this time in genuine amusement. �What I mean is, if Naraku had succeeded in destroying
the world in this time, there
wouldn�t be a world in the first place in yours,
now would there? Therefore, you never
would have been born, so you never would have come back through the well, the
jewel would never have shattered, and none of this would have ever
happened. And yet, if none of this had
happened, Naraku wouldn�t have been able to destroy the world in the first
place, which means you would have been born, and come back through the well,
and��

�Miroku�sama?�

He paused at the pitiful whimper and blinked down at
her. �Eh�yes?�

She heaved a sigh and slumped against him, shaking her
head back and forth against his chest.
�My brain is about to spontaneously combust. Could you maybe�not talk anymore?� she
pleaded, eliciting another warm laugh.

�As you wish,� he murmured, smiling down at her
fondly. �But I do hope you see my point
about this entire world-being-destroyed thing��

She snorted. �Same
thing applies to you,� she retorted through a sudden yawn. �If your Kazana had managed to suck in the
world, would I be sitting here right now?�

He blinked, then laughed.
�Now that�s not very kind of you, throwing my own words back in my
face,� he admonished teasingly, earning a little grin in reply. Ancestors, but he couldn�t remember the last
time he�d allowed himself to laugh so much!
It felt�good. It felt good�wonderful, in fact�to be sitting there
with Kagome, simply teasing and laughing and�he suddenly hoped that Inuyasha
wouldn�t return for a good, long while yet.
If the hanyou was too dense to realize just what a good thing he was missing out on�well�Miroku certainly didn�t feel any
urge to enlighten him.

Weariness seemed to be catching up to Kagome; she was
leaning heavily against him now with her hands fisted loosely in the fabric of
his sleeves, completely relaxed and obviously trusting that he could, just this
once, keep his wandering hands to himself.
He felt rather touched that she was leaving herself so vulnerable in his
presence, but then again, she was
pretty shaken, and obviously in need of comfort. He tried not to resent the fact that things
would have been different had Inuyasha been there, only to quickly reassure
himself of the fact that, even if Inuyasha had
been, she still might have taken refuge in Miroku�s arms anyway, since the
hanyou was never one for open displays of affection no matter what the
circumstances were.

He felt Kagome release a huge yawn, felt her full breasts
pressing into his chest as her lungs expanded�and gulped at the abrupt surge of
arousal that shot straight into his loins.
He gritted his teeth against the sudden, uncomfortable pressure swelling
between his legs, praying that his self-control wouldn�t snap. Of all
the times for his traitorous body to act up, he thought with a near-silent
moan. And he�d been doing so well, too!

His fingers twitched with the urge to move much lower down on her back than their
current chaste position. She was right there, in perfect alignment! All he needed to do was slip them down over
her side and�he restrained himself with the swift reminder that as soon as he
touched her inappropriately, she would most likely remove her delicious body
from his lap (although, given the pressure of her soft weight against a certain
part of said lap, that wasn�t a bad thing). Not only that, but she would no doubt follow that up by delivering a black eye or two
in retaliation, and he really didn�t wish to wander around half-blind for the
next few days.

�Is something wrong?�
Kagome�s concerned voice snapped Miroku out of his deliberation and he
glanced down at her in surprise, only to notice a worried frown etched on her
brow. Obviously, she had sensed that
something was amiss, even though she didn�t appear to realize what was wrong
(bless her innocence). However, he realized
with a nervous gulp, if she happened to shift in just the right place, she�d be finding out the hard way (*cough*) exactly what the problem was.

�N-nothing�s wrong, Kagome-sama,� he began as innocently
as possible. �I was just thinking that
you appear to be rather tired. Perhaps
you should retire to your bedroll until morning comes so you can catch up on
your sleep?�

Kagome�s eyes darkened slightly at the suggestion; she
seemed not at all pleased at the idea of sleeping again. Poor girl probably feared another nightmare
as bad as the first, he thought pityingly.

�Miroku-sama?� Her questioning
voice once again interrupted his musings, and he glanced down at her as she
looked away in a useless attempt to hide the faint blush in her cheeks. �W-would you mind terribly if I�if I stayed
where I am?�

The earth could have exploded right under him and he
wouldn�t have been more surprised.
Kagome was willingly
volunteering to sit with him in his lap?

All
night long?

Surely, now he
was the one who must be dreaming!

His incredulousness must have shown on his face, because
the corners of her mouth tightened briefly and she moved as if to push herself
up and away from him. �Right. That was a stupid question,� she stated
around a half-hearted and obviously forced giggle. �I doubt it�s very comfortable for you to sit
like that and your legs are probably asleep by now and��

A pair of arms interrupted her ramblings quite effectively
as they wrapped themselves around her waist and pulled her back into his warm
embrace. �On the contrary,� he murmured
teasingly, �I happen to be quite comfortable.�
True, his legs were completely numb, but that was a small price to pay
for the pleasure of her body pressed so closely to his. He was, however, extremely careful about how
he adjusted said body, not wanting her to figure out exactly how much he was enjoying her presence. Allowing a small smirk, he positioned her so
that her legs were draped over his lap, one on either side to straddle him, making
sure to shift her lower half down further on his legs while pulling her upper
half closer to lie against his chest.
This served the duel purpose of keeping her lap far enough away from his
so that she couldn�t possibly feel any�mysterious lumps that might set her to
gouging out his eyeballs, and yet close enough so he could fully enjoy the
delicious curves of her soft breasts pressing into his chest. �There,� he said lightly. �Quite comfortable.�

She grimaced. �For you, maybe,� she muttered. �What am I, an afghan? Stretching me out like that�� Muttering to herself, she scooted closer to
him, eliciting a bit of panic on his part when her buttocks landed firmly on
his tense thighs, directly over his rather prominent erection. He closed his eyes, prayed to Buddha, and
waited for the raging violence to begin.

What happened instead was that Kagome slipped her arms
around his chest, nestled her head against his pectoral, sighed deeply, and
settled in for a nap. Miroku felt a vein
twitch in his forehead, while something else twitched�lower down. Merciful Buddha, the girl couldn�t possibly
be that na�ve�could she? And while he didn�t particularly mind being wedged together like one of
those sandwiches she often brought with her to snack on, his self-control really couldn�t take much more pressure
like this�

�Miroku-sama�?�
Kagome�s sleepy voice jerked him out of his raging thoughts like a
bucket of ice water thrown directly over his lap.

�Y-yes, what is it, Kagome-sama?� he replied, his voice
coming out oddly strained.

If she noticed at all, she didn�t say anything. �Is�do you think it�s selfish�for a person
to�not want to be alone?� she questioned, her voice rising barely above a
murmur, soft and husky and sleepy.

Miroku gritted his teeth until they nearly cracked. Stop�talking�like�that�

The poor monk was going to need a long dip under the waterfall before this night was over�

�I think�it is human nature to not want to be alone,� he
replied carefully. �If that is selfishness,
you are no more selfish than I.�

Her brow furrowed slightly as she frowned
thoughtfully. �So�is it selfish to want
to be with one person�and another person at the same time?�

He froze, glancing down at the top of her head. �What do�?�
His voice cracked slightly, and he cleared his throat and tried
again. �Wh-what do you think, Kagome-sama?�

He could practically feel her frown as she thought quietly
for a moment. �I used to think so,� she
finally replied. �I used to think
Inuyasha was�incredibly selfish. For wanting two people at the same time.� She mentioned no names, but then again, she
didn�t need to.

Behind her back, his hands clenched into
fists at the mention of that name. �But
now?� Because
there was obviously a �but� somewhere in this. She shrugged lightly and sighed heavily. He gritted his teeth and really wished she�d stop doing that�

�Now�I think maybe�I can understand a little better how
Inuyasha feels��

His heart thudded against his chest. Hard. He knew she could feel it against her
cheek. �Is that right?� he murmured,
trying very hard to keep his hopes from skyrocketing�and failing
miserably. She nodded once, keeping her
face carefully lowered from his, but he could still see the color burning in
her cheek through the silken hair that swept across it, and his desire
grew. �And why is that?� he murmured,
suddenly not-so-afraid anymore. He
pushed aside the strands of hair with his cursed hand, tucking them gently
behind her ear. She glanced up at him
nervously, then away again. He smiled.

�Perhaps it is selfish to desire two people at the same
time,� he began gently, �but only if that desire hurts one or both of those
people. Otherwise, I don�t believe it is
selfish to desire�companionship. Humans
were never meant to be alone, after all.�

She nodded slowly, as if thinking it over.

�Why the questions, Kagome,� he murmured. �Is there�somebody you desire? Aside from
Inuyasha, that is��

She jumped a little as if caught off-guard, then
frantically shook her head, but it was more of a knee-jerk reaction and she
stopped immediately. �Well�um�maybe,�
she amended, a bit sheepishly. �Wh-what about you?�

His lips curled into a smirk. �Come now, Kagome,� he purred. �You should know me well enough to know the
answer to that question.�

He expected her to realize that he was teasing, in regards
to his little�addiction to women, and was therefore surprised when her
shoulders suddenly slumped. �Right,� she
replied with a little laugh. �Sango, of course.�

He blinked. Sango? Funny�thoughts
of the demon slayer hadn�t even crossed his mind lately. More importantly� He glanced down at the girl in his lap, lips
curling upward. Could she be�?

�Actually, no,� he stated in well-feigned surprise,
causing her to glance up in genuine
surprise. Their eyes locked, and his
lids lowered to cover a darkening gaze.
�It isn�t Sango that I�ve had
on my mind lately�� he murmured, allowing his lips to curl into a sensual
smirk. And he shifted his hips beneath
her, lifting them ever-so-slightly into her body, to make sure she could feel the meaning behind his words.

Her eyes widened, and the color in her face grew more
pronounced. �Oh,� she squeaked.

His smile deepened, and suddenly, she found herself on her
back in the moss, with him sprawling over her, his hands tangled in her hair
and her back cradled in his arms; his face was only inches from hers. �Kagome��
Her name was a mantra on his lips, and her heart began to pound. �Perhaps we are both very selfish at times. That is also human nature.� He silenced her soft protest with his mouth,
urging her into stillness as he plied her lips in a drugging kiss. His breathing had deepened when he finally
lifted his mouth from hers; his eyes were nearly as black as the sky above
them, and glittered with just as much starlight. �If we both insist on being selfish,� he
continued in his deep, soft voice, �then perhaps we might both be content�to be
selfish together.�

He waited with bated breath for her response; watched her
face, soft and vulnerable with the firelight and shadows that danced across
it. And when she slowly lifted her head
from the ground to press a soft, chaste kiss to his lips, he very nearly wept
with relief.

It was all the encouragement he needed.

&~&~&~&~&~&~&

As the moon waned and the sun touched the sky with glowing
fingers, dawn found the monk and the miko curled together in a tangle of limbs
and clothes and sated desire, deeply sleeping and more relaxed than either of
them could ever remember feeling, had they been awake to think it over.

So did a certain hanyou, as he stole silently into the
camp, trying not to look as guilty as he felt after having spent yet another
night speaking with the beloved miko of his past. There wasn�t any harm in just talking to her, he told himself�although
he knew very well that Kagome did not feel the same way about that.

He stopped dead in his tracks at the first sight of the
heap of bodies; his nose told him what had happened even before his eyes did,
as it was assaulted with the combined scents of Kagome and Miroku and the sex
they�d obviously had. Together.

His hackles rose and a low snarl rose in his throat as he
stalked over to them, fully prepared to rip Miroku�s throat out through his
knees for daring to lay one perverted finger on his Kagome.

But�something stopped him.

They lay there, curled together in a lover�s embrace,
oblivious to Miroku�s rising doom, and they looked�content. At ease.
As if nothing in the world could ever go wrong again. Or, if it did, as if they could face it down
and conquer it together.

The clawed hand that had risen to strike the deadly blow
wavered, hesitated, and then dropped limply to the hanyou�s side as he stood
there gazing down at the pair. In
particular, at Kagome, as she lay draped like a limp cat over Miroku�s prone
form beneath the robe spread over them, her hair a mass of tangles and her pale
face utterly composed and peaceful. She
sighed and turned to bury her nose in the man�s bare chest, snuggling into him
before relaxing again, a soft smile curling faintly at her lips.

Did�did she ever
look like that when she was with me?

The thought struck him a blow, like
his brother�s claws piercing his chest, and he abruptly turned and staggered away
from the scene, feeling vaguely sick. He
leaned against a tree, resting his forehead on his forearm as he breathed
deeply, and tried to block out thoughts of Kagome writhing beneath Miroku�s
body, calling Miroku�s name, coming for the first time in Miroku�s arms.

The tree shuddered as Inuyasha�s fist made a six-inch hole
in its trunk.

It should have
been me. It was supposed to have been me!
he howled silently.

And it could have
been, another nasty thought occurred to
him. If he had been there, it could have
been. Whatever had driven Kagome to seek
that kind of comfort in Miroku�s
arms, if he had just been there, perhaps he would
have been the one to kiss her and hold her and make her climax in his arms over
and over again.

But he hadn�t been.
He had been with her, and
Kagome�she had finally grown tired of waiting for him to make a decision about
what he really wanted.

She had finally made it for him, and he�he had finally lost her.

And he knew, as much as he wanted to deny it, that he had
nobody but himself to blame.

As the sun continued to rise over the trees, the hanyou
crept away into the forest to release his anguish on the hapless trees, alone,
leaving the pair of lovers to rest in their contentment until the first lances
of sunlight began to pierce the canopy of the forest above them.

End

��The little dog lay curled and did not
rise,
But slept the deeper as the ashes rose
And found the people incomplete, and froze
The random hands, the loose, unready eyes
Of men expecting yet another sun
To do the shapely thing they had not done.
These sudden ends of time must give us
pause.
We stray into the future rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought��

~~From
�Year�s End� by Richard Wilbur

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Coughs* So.
That�s it. There may be a lemon
insert between the time Miroku begins to�uh��comfort� Kagome and the time
Inuyasha finds them, but I�ll save that for later. Like, after I actually write it.

As for the poem�er�I dunno. I was finishing this up and suddenly those
lines just popped into my head and I thought�well, why not? Besides, I love poetry, and I love that poem,
and those particular lines actually kinda
fit from Inuyasha�s point of view at the end there. Kinda. At least in my warped mind it does. ^^;
Basically what it�s saying is don�t keep
putting things off �cause, well�you snooze, you lose. And�well�Inuyasha unfortunately lost.
- 1
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