• 1-Forgiveness

Disclaimer: I don’t own InuYasha and I make no money. I’m very
sorry to Sesshomaru-sama and Inu-kun for this story…

Genre: Tragedy
Rating: R
Code: Inucest
Feedback: Anything
but flames are welcome.

Forgiveness

A branch snagged in his
hair as he pushed through the forest, each footfall an accusation
against himself about things he could have prevented. He could hear
her screaming and knew he couldn’t stop it, felt the blood on his
hands as he tore through her body. They were all dead and it was too
late to do anything about it. So he stopped running and just let one
foot fall in front of the other, slowly going forward, not wanting
this to be; not wanting to step out of the forest and see…

“What have I done?”
InuYasha whispered. His voice barely carried past his own ears, lost
in the blood on his hands. “Kagome…” he gasped, touching what
was left of her. His fingers left bloody smudges on her cheek and he
drew back, standing and stepping away, a high-pitched sound starting
in his ears. He didn’t make it far, though, before he tripped over
Miroku’s body. He fell to the ground, his eyes locking on the
indigo pair, forever trapped in a look of fear and condemnation.

Miroku had screamed his
name before he died and the memory of it echoed through InuYasha’s
mind, painfully. It was drowned out by the sound in his ears as it
grew louder, almost unbearable and he realized that someone was
screaming. He looked around; trying to find whom the voice belonged
to, hoping that he had left someone alive, but everywhere he
looked, there was blood and death. It was all over him—his claws,
his clothes, and his hair—everything. He crawled to his feet,
trying to run from Miroku’s empty stare and stepped in something
soft and warm. He looked down in slow horror to find himself standing
in part of what had once been Shippo…

That’s when he found
the source of the mindless screaming. His own throat. He wasn’t
certain how long he had been there, screaming in anguish and he
couldn’t seem to stop. He choked air, falling to his knees, staring
at the gore on his hands. Hatred and self-loathing consumed him and
he fell forward, landing broken on hands and knees.

“I killed them all,”
he gasped, and then repeated himself over and over, his mind unable
to move forward and his heart slipping away. A blow landed against
the back of his head, but it seemed insignificant in the wake of the
pain already coursing through him. He spun around, hoping to see his
friends standing alive again, at least one of them, so that he
or she could end his miserable existence. But he only met a pair of
eyes that matched his own.

He watched Sesshomaru
gaze around the field, his eyes betraying nothing. Whether he was
happy, disgusted or apathetic, InuYasha was unable to determine.
Finally, he realized something was digging into his hand and he
lifted it, finding one of the teeth from the kotodama rosary imbedded
in his palm. It had broken when Kagome tried to save Shippo’s life
by subduing him. Sango’s blood was already on his hands then—she
had been the first to fall.

His eyes followed his
brother as he walked to the taijiya’s body. InuYasha flashed back
to the sight of her face, looking at him with confusion as he flew at
her, no fear in her eyes. They had widened when he impacted, fixing
on him for a moment before rolling back into her head. She hadn’t
had a chance to defend herself. Sesshomaru stood there, staring down
for a minute, then knelt by her, cupping her face in his hand and
turning it from side to side.

“Don’t…”
InuYasha whispered hoarsely. Sesshomaru’s head shot up and his gaze
locked on his little brother’s.

“Come here.”
Sesshomaru’s command was given with the same emotionless face, no
tone beyond that of a superior commanding his inferior. InuYasha rose
to his feet, wondering why he was obeying him. Still, his confusion
and filial hatred were unable to triumph over his horrified
curiosity. So he set one foot carefully in front of the other and
pushed himself forward, feeling as if he were walking against a river
current.

Sango’s eyes opened.

InuYasha had no trouble
filling the distance between them then. He was at her side, on his
knees, her body in his arms only a moment later. She looked up at him
and there was no condemnation in her eyes, no hatred. He could hear
the liquid burbling in her chest, drowning her in the blood he had
spilled.

“I said I would stay…
even… even if you became… a demon, InuYasha,” she whispered and
he stared at the red coating her teeth and trickling out of her
mouth. “I’m… sorry that… I was unable to…” The light
faded from her eyes and his claws dug into her shoulders, willing her
to blink away the film that was robbing them of their color. Her
lungs rattled and the blood from inside flowed out of her mouth and
landed on his arms. It was too much and he dropped her to spin around
and throw up.

He remembered Miroku
screaming for Sango as he took her away from him forever. His eyes,
filled with pain as he turned to InuYasha and screamed ‘Why?’
Shippo had been right there, trembling in terror and InuYasha had
turned to him, drawing in the scent of fear like a perfume. ‘Osuwari’
had fallen from Kagome’s lips and the necklace had lit and pulled
at him, but he was too strong for it. It broke itself off of him and
he shredded Shippo, heedless of the young screams of the kit issuing
forth on the evening air.

Miroku had run at him,
screaming his name and InuYasha had ripped his life away so quickly
that he barely noticed it before turning on Kagome. She watched him
come for her, locking eyes with him, tears running down her face. He
hated the sight of her tears and he rushed forward, intent on tearing
them from her skin. She hadn’t even held up a hand to defend
herself. Kirara jumped in, managing to take a bite out of his arm,
but he ripped her into tiny pieces and landed in front of Kagome. She
just let him kill her, even after watching how brutally he
tore apart their friends.

The first time his
hands had held her flesh and he used it to pull it apart. He was
about to peel the eyes from her face when he came back to himself and
met them with his own. Everything from there on tore through his
memory again and he felt a scream bubble up in his throat.

A strong hand wrapped
around his upper arm and dragged him to his feet, away from the
carnage. InuYasha couldn’t fight and just stumbled along behind
Sesshomaru as he dragged him into the forest, where he could no
longer see what he had done to the people who trusted and loved him.
Love… InuYasha jerked his arm out of Sesshomaru’s grip, falling
away from him and slashed out with his other hand. His brother moved
before it impacted and watched him warily.

“They trusted me!”
InuYasha screamed. “They loved me!”

“I warned you,”
Sesshomaru said. “This is what comes of loving humans.”

“No!” InuYasha
yelled back. “You haven’t killed that kid! My father didn’t
kill my mother!”

“You are only a
hanyo,” Sesshomaru said quietly. “You cannot handle the youkai
blood in your veins. It overpowers you and it has consumed you, at
last.”

“If that’s so, then
why do I still have my heart?” InuYasha cried out. Sesshomaru drew
Toukijin and held it up.

“Look at yourself,”
he commanded. InuYasha stepped forward and gazed at his reflection in
the sword. His first impression was that his eyes were crimson with
blood, but then he realized—that was their color now. His eyes were
no longer a mirror for his brother’s. Violet stripes tore across
his cheeks and his fangs were longer than his mouth could contain. He
closed his eyes and turned away.

“Why do I look like
that?” InuYasha hissed. “I still feel like a hanyo…”

“Did you feel like
yourself as you freed your people of their lives? Did you weep as you
tore their flesh?”

“Damn you to hell!”
InuYasha screamed, striking out at Sesshomaru, who deflected the blow
without effort. He kicked InuYasha’s legs out from under him,
bringing his brother to his knees.

“What did you feel,
InuYasha?” Sesshomaru asked coldly. When the boy didn’t answer,
he kicked him. InuYasha fell on his side and stared up at him in
horror.

“I… liked it,”
InuYasha answered. “I wanted to bathe in their blood.”
Sesshomaru’s eyes narrowed.

“You are disgusting,”
he said, but knelt next to his brother. “Just a sick, filthy
hanyo.” InuYasha started to argue, but since he was thinking the
same thing, he let it go. Sesshomaru was right. He had always been
right about him. He started to look away and Sesshomaru slapped him.
He stared up at his brother in confusion.

“Why did you hit me?”
he asked.

“It’s what you
want, isn’t it? You are lying there, thinking that I am right.
Wallowing in self-pity.”

“Are you saying
you’re wrong?” InuYasha whispered. “That I’m not sick and
disgusting?”

“You are what you
make yourself,” Sesshomaru responded.

“That’s not an
answer!” InuYasha yelled, getting angry. Sesshomaru smiled and the
anger drained away. InuYasha looked away from Sesshomaru’s face to
Tenseiga at his hip. “Bring them back,” he said, staring at the
sword.

“To what effect?”
Sesshomaru asked. “So that you can kill them again? Perhaps if you
are careful, I could bring them back and you could get off on killing
them, over and over.” InuYasha lashed out this time and Sesshomaru
grabbed his arm in mid-swing. “The damage you have done cannot be
erased. If I bring them back, do you truly believe they will not hate
you?”

“I don’t care if
they hate me!” InuYasha hissed. “I’d rather they were alive and
hating me than dead by my hands!” Sesshomaru was quiet a while, but
he didn’t release InuYasha’s wrist.

“The monk and the
slayer.”

“What?”

“I cannot bring back
the kit, twin tail or Kagome. You didn’t leave enough of them to
resurrect. Even Tenseiga has its limits as to what it can do. It can
heal a death blow, but it cannot put the pieces back together. The
monk and the taijiya merely had throat and chest ripped out,
respectively. That, I can heal.” InuYasha stared into Sesshomaru’s
eyes and saw the truth there.

“Whoever you can
bring back, do it.”

“You presume to give
me orders?” Sesshomaru asked.

“No,” InuYasha
said, and then pulled his arm free. He crawled onto his knees and
stared Sesshomaru in the eyes. “I’m begging you.” He laid his
forehead on his hands in the dirt, bowing down in a way that he never
had in his life. “Please… brother.” Sesshomaru grabbed him by
the hair and pulled him up, standing. InuYasha stared at him in
confusion as he was yanked to his feet. Sesshomaru released his hair
and decked him. InuYasha tasted blood, then earth as he impacted it.

“Don’t you ever
bow down like that again,” Sesshomaru hissed. “Even to me. It
shames our bloodline almost as much as your existence.” InuYasha
wiped his mouth and spun on his brother.

“What the hell?
You’ve told me to face you on my knees countless times!” he
protested.

“And had you, I would
have killed you,” Sesshomaru responded. “I have only allowed you
to live because of the spirit you have shown, even against me.”

“’Allowed’ me to
live? You’ve tried to kill me—”

“Had I wanted you
dead, InuYasha, you would be dead. There have been many times when I
could have killed you and stayed my hand.”

“Why?” InuYasha
asked, mystified.

“You are my brother.
I… care for you.” Sesshomaru looked away as though the confession
pained him. InuYasha didn’t know what to say. He stood there,
musing over what he had been told for a while. Sesshomaru had turned
his back to him entirely. Finally, InuYasha made up his mind and
closed the distance between them. Sesshomaru turned just as he
reached him, obviously ready to strike, but InuYasha had no intention
of fighting him. He stepped in close and wrapped his arms around his
brother’s armor, laying his cheek against his shoulder. Sesshomaru
was stiff and unresponsive, but InuYasha craved any form of
forgiveness and the confession he had been offered was such a thing.

“Forgive me,”
InuYasha whispered, holding him tightly.

“I forgive no one,”
Sesshomaru answered.

“Forgive me,”
InuYasha pleaded. Sesshomaru’s hand moved up to cup InuYasha’s
chin, tilting his head back. Their eyes met for a while, then
Sesshomaru leaned in and kissed InuYasha on the lips. The hanyo
sputtered and broke the embrace, wiping his mouth. “What the hell?
You’re my brother! What are you doing?” InuYasha yelled.
Sesshomaru stepped forward quickly, catching InuYasha by the hair and
pulled him back, kissing him again.

“Forgiving you,” he
answered, letting InuYasha break free. The hanyo froze a few paces
away and met Sesshomaru’s gaze. Tentatively, he stepped forward,
shaking with fear and a little excitement. He approached the
taiyoukai shyly, and then moved quickly up to meet his lips again. He
pulled back a little and licked his tongue across Sesshomaru’s
lips, begging him like a canine. Sesshomaru looked down at him and
InuYasha tilted his head back, offering his throat in submission.
Sesshomaru’s mouth moved to it and pressed gently against it in
acceptance.

The youkai’s tongue
shot out and licked a gentle trail from throat to jaw. InuYasha went
to his toes, arching into Sesshomaru’s mouth. Sesshomaru pressed
back, taking the mouth offered to him and tasting it, exploring it
thoroughly. He could feel InuYasha’s pain and desperation through
the contact and he fed on that as well. His brother needed him,
urgently and he couldn’t just stand by and watch him, doing
nothing. He had done enough of that through the hanyo’s life.

InuYasha didn’t know
what he was doing or why, but he felt the anguish leaving him with
every touch, every press of lips he shared with Sesshomaru. He clawed
into his brother’s shoulders, trying to get closer, trying to leave
it all behind. Sesshomaru broke the kiss and shoved him back.
InuYasha stumbled and landed on his butt, suddenly terrified
Sesshomaru was going to reject him, yet again.

“Don’t leave me,”
InuYasha begged. Sesshomaru didn’t say anything as he looked down
on the despairing boy at his feet. He shrugged off the heavy fur at
his shoulder, letting it fall to the ground silently. InuYasha’s
eyes widened, then he followed by dropping his fire rat haori
alongside his brother’s now torn garments. He stripped down to his
hakama and froze, unable to make another move. ‘What am I doing?
This is my brother,’ he thought. Then there was skin
against his own and the doubt was gone, lost in the comfort of
Sesshomaru’s warm flesh where it heated his own cold body.

His heart raced, trying
to push past bone and flesh to reach the other it could hear, pressed
to the other side of his chest. He apologized, with his mouth and
hands, to the arm he had severed, never imagining the regret it would
fill him with later. He felt a hot mouth pressed against his chest, a
soft tongue sliding along the most sensitive skin there and he pushed
down to taste the salt on Sesshomaru’s neck. The forest filled with
heavy breaths and pounding hearts, forgetting the cries of pain for
pleasure as the atmosphere heated around their entwining bodies.

The final remnants of
clothing fell away and InuYasha felt Sesshomaru against him, friction
building between their bodies. He was pulled tightly against his
brother’s chest and he held him back, moving against him, seeking
an escape from his desperation, finding it pressed tight in his
embrace. The ever-heating air made their skin slick as they moved
together, finding absolution in one another. Every mistake they had
made was washed away in hot breath against skin, soft ears under
tongues, stripe against stripe and building tension, striving for
release.

InuYasha found his the
moment Sesshomaru entered him and he cried out into the thick
evening. Every thrust into his body was a comfort, an apology and
approval. InuYasha buried his face into Sesshomaru’s neck,
breathing deep his scent and found peace. When Sesshomaru cried out
above him, InuYasha relaxed and laid his head on the forest floor,
sighing when Sesshomaru lie next to him.

“Thank you,” he
whispered. He turned his head to meet Sesshomaru’s eyes, knowing
there was a peace in his own that had never been there before. He
felt wanted, accepted… forgiven. Now he had only one last request
and it was one he didn’t doubt Sesshomaru would fulfill. “Now
kill me.” There was no emotion in the amber eyes above him and
Sesshomaru didn’t look away. InuYasha felt his brother’s hand
touch his throat.

“There is nothing I
can do or say?”

“You can’t save
me,” InuYasha said. “It’s gone too far for that. End it.”
Sesshomaru leaned in and kissed InuYasha one last time, watching the
red eyes close before his own and jerked his hand across the hanyo’s
soft throat. He held his brother’s head against his chest as he sat
up, gazing down on the peaceful expression for a few moments before
lying it next to the body he had just made love to. Many would have
seen it as a failure—he had given everything of himself to InuYasha
and still lost him in the end. But it was a hollow victory. He lost,
yes, but what he gave to his brother was more important than keeping
him alive.

InuYasha was dead the
moment he lost himself to the demon. Sesshomaru had known that, deep
inside. He had tried to get there in time, but he had been too slow.
The blood was spilt before he could stop it. The damage was done. But
he had apologized, he had let his brother know he loved him and
InuYasha had accepted it, had loved him back. All the darkness of
their past was cleared and his heart was lighter now. InuYasha had
been a mistake from the beginning and now he was gone. Sesshomaru was
not happy, by any means, but he was satisfied.

In that last moment,
before he had taken his life, InuYasha’s eyes were golden, once more.

The
End.