Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Change of Heart	By : PrincessAurora Category: InuYasha > Yaoi - Male/Male > InuYasha/Sessh?maru > InuYasha/Sessh?maru Views: 24279 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I don't own this. All characters from the Inuyasha, or Inuyasha: The Final Act Series, are owned by Rumiko Takahashi and VIZ. No money is made from this.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
Disclaimer: I think it’s obvious that I don’t own this. Any original characters that you find, yes, those are mine. However, all characters from Inuyasha, or Inuyasha: The Final Act…those are all owned by Rumiko Takahashi and VIZ; as are any ‘story lines’ from the episodes that I used to set the scenes at the beginning.
I WISH I was making money off of this. Sadly, I am not. Honestly, I’d be happy if I could just have them enacting my later chapters on my hdtv. Better than money. ;) Ha.
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THIS IS YAOI-INSCEST! IF YOU DON’T LIKE THIS KIND OF THING, THEN DON’T READ IT. FLAMES WILL BE HAPPILY IGNORED.
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MAJOR SPOILERS for Inuyasha AND Inuyasha: The Final Act.
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Chapter 10 – A Different Kind of Human Night

They spent a few days with Miroku, Sango and their children, and Kohaku and Shippo; and they all enjoyed their time together. Kagome was very impressed with how the Slayer’s Village had grown and been rebuilt.
Since the night they’d first arrived, Inuyasha had been sleeping in the hut Shippo shared with Kohaku, while Kagome had stayed with Miroku and Sango’s family. Kagome wasn’t happy with the sleeping arrangements. Days later and she was still thinking, ‘Honestly, we’ll be getting married soon, so what’s the big deal?’
The night before she and Inuyasha would leave to go back to Kaede’s village, they were all sitting around a large bonfire in the center of the Slayer’s Village. New people had moved there; demon-slayers and ninja whose homes and families had been destroyed by Naraku, happy to be allowed to live under Miroku and Sango, who were famous for being part of Naraku’s demise. Many of the women had cooked a variety of dishes, and it had turned into a celebration.
“Hey Shippo, when Inuyasha and I go back to Kaede’s village, since we’ll be getting married, you should come with us too. Live with us, you know?” Kagome suggested. She wondered what his response would be, since she had noticed he also acted more mature, and had a slightly different version of Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru’s mon on his clothing.
Shippo was surprised. “Uh, I’d like to Kagome, but this is my home now. Being here, I’m closer to the Western Lands, and Sesshoumaru-Ojisama has been sending his Kitsune Generals to train me, or I go there. I’m his nephew now, since he sees me as Inuyasha’s son, and it’s been really great. But I’ll come visit, I promise, okay?”
“Oh, yeah Shippo, that’s okay. I just wish Inuyasha had kept you with him after I left….” Kagome started, irritated at how Shippo seemed to worship Sesshoumaru now.
“Kagome,” Miroku spoke up, “I think you should know that Inuyasha only convinced him to stay here because he felt it would be best for him. It was a decision made out of love, and it was the right decision. You shouldn’t disparage Inuyasha for doing what he thought was best.”
“I know,” Kagome replied. “I’m sorry. I guess I was just hoping to build a life for us exactly as I had dreamed about. I wasn’t thinking of how your lives may have changed while I was gone.”
“Well, I doubt anyone could have dreamed our lives would have changed in the way they have. It’s been unexpected for sure, but we’re all really happy now. In fact, if you’d like, you and Inuyasha can live here. You’re both always welcome,” Sango offered while Miroku looked on smiling.
“Thanks you guys,” Inuyasha said. “It sounds great, but I feel I should stay near Kaede for now. She still needs my help. Maybe later…”
“The offer is always open, my friend.” Miroku smiled.
The evening meal was served. After they ate, they joined in the singing and dancing with the villagers until quite late. It was near midnight when they all finally decided to go to bed. As everyone was settling down for the night, Sango approached Kagome.
“Kagome, may I speak with you, alone, for a moment?”
“Sure Sango,” she answered as she rose and threw her sweater on over her pajamas.
Sango led her up to the high palisade surrounding the village. Walking on the platform the sentries used, they could see into the valley below, and see a few small fires in distant homes being put out for the night. Kagome spoke first.
“You know, seeing this, so peaceful, it’s such a nice change from my modern world. There, the city never really, truly sleeps. Here, it’s just so peaceful and slow,” she sighed contentedly.
“Kagome, I need to say something. I don’t want you to get angry with me. Just know I say this because I’m your friend. Okay?”
Kagome nodded suspiciously.
Sango continued, “You are very different from the girl you were before. If you truly want to stay here in this time, and be with Inuyasha, you’re going to have to compromise a little. You can’t be so quick to judge things you don’t understand.
“So much has changed since you were here last. We have all changed, including Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha. Inuyasha has matured more than any of us, I think; and Sesshoumaru, he is completely different in most ways.
“Did you know that Kaede’s village and our village are now under Sesshoumaru’s protection? Did you know that since he proclaimed that we were part of the Western Lands, neither village has suffered even one attack, from humans or youkai? He even asked us first, if we wished to be under the protection of the Lord and Lands of the West. He gave us the final say.
“He’s made sure Shippo is trained. Not only as a youkai, like Inuyasha or even I could have done, but also as a Kitsune. He’s made sure his best and brightest Kitsune warriors are available to train him and teach him Fox-magic. Because of Inuyasha’s wise and unselfish decision three years ago, Shippo has even had the opportunity to meet other Kitsune males and females his own age. Do you have any idea how happy Shippo has been?
“Yes, he missed Inuyasha terribly, especially at first, when Inuyasha was waiting for you to return. However, after the first month, they’ve seen each other nearly every week at least. Every day while he was helping us to rebuild that first year.
“I don’t mean this in a bad way Kagome, but I do not believe any of us could have done better than what Inuyasha has done. He has also gained Sesshoumaru’s respect and admiration. He is now known as an Inu-Prince and the Western Lord’s brother.
“So, if you are trying to plan a life with Inuyasha, then you need to respect Sesshoumaru too, like we all do. And you are going to have to remove that rosary eventually.” She saw Kagome open her mouth to speak and held up a hand to stop her. “Let me finish.”
“I have a feeling I know what you want to say, that you need it to control Inuyasha’s demon, but you are wrong. Did you know his Mother was the most powerful Priestess ever to live, and that her magic is still alive in his human blood? Do you know what happened with his inner-demon when he nearly died? Believe me, he would be better able to control his demon-half without the rosary now. So by keeping him chained with it, you are, in actuality, guaranteeing that his inner-demon can’t be controlled easily,” Sango finished.
“You know nothing Sango. I won’t keep the rosary on him because of his demon, though I know I’ll need to control his demon with it at some point, even if you’re too naïve to admit it. He’s too headstrong! He’d never allow me to have any say if he wasn’t wearing it!” Kagome cried.
“Oh Kami, Kagome… Do you hear yourself? My God. I never thought I would hear you saying these things. And you say you love Inuyasha? How do you think any other couple makes it work? Certainly not by one having some form of control over the other.” Sango stormed off, more upset with Kagome than she’d ever been before.
Kagome stayed up on the palisade for a while, just thinking. ‘While I may not change my mind, I can be a better person. I do want Inuyasha. If I’m honest, I want him to come back to the modern era with me, and I don’t think he will unless he believes I love him. Which I do, of course. I just love him too much to allow him to ruin himself with stupid ideas and decisions. Therefore, I have to keep the rosary on him. I have no choice. But I can work on myself too, and not use it like I did before.’ That decided, she headed back to her bed.
She caught Sango as she was exiting the nursery, heading for her room. “Listen Sango, I’m sorry. I know how much I’ve changed. I’ve been in my world for three years straight, so I know I’m different. But just because I keep the rosary on him doesn’t mean I ever have to use it again, you know?”
Sango’s face softened. “Kagome, we all love you, and we all have faith in you that your love for Inuyasha can get past anything. You can be happy together. Just allow him to be himself. Allow him to show you how much he’s changed, then decide about the rosary.”
They hugged each other, and both went to their beds.

***

Kagome started the next day. Everyone noticed the difference immediately, but especially Inuyasha. Kagome was more like her ‘old-self,’ but even better. She was more respectful of Inuyasha, and when they argued, she only shouted ‘osuwari!’ once.
She had finally pried out of him the reason his demon markings were visible all the time, and she wasn’t happy that he was technically more than half youkai now. It was that anger that led to her ‘sitting’ him. He was upset about it, but knew it could have been worse.
When they finally left to go back to Kaede’s village, Inuyasha was thinking more and more seriously that they should just get married. ‘No married couple ever gets along all the time, right? I’m lucky we love each other enough to want to make it work. And besides, even though I’m respected more among youkai, I’m still just a hanyou. It doesn’t matter if I’m ‘royal’ or not, I could probably be without a mate my whole life. I’m lucky she’ll have me.’

***

About three weeks later, Kagome was settling into life in Kaede’s village. She had her own hut to use, and she had been busy with her miko training and learning to be a part of the village again.
On the night of the New Moon, Kagome was in for a shock.
Kagome knew none of this yet, but ever since Sesshoumaru had given him his blood, he wasn’t as helpless on his human nights as he’d been before. Yes, his hair, ears, and eyes still changed, but he retained his claws; and his body-size didn’t change as much from his normal state, as it had before. The Tetsusaiga now responded to him every day and night of the month as well, and he didn’t stay human for the entire night.
Inuyasha loved the changes…wishing he’d been this way all his life. The only part Inuyasha hated was the burning of his skin under the rosary.
Late in the day, before his transformation, he went to Kaede’s hut for what had become a ritual since that first human night after he’d been given Sesshoumaru’s blood. ‘Has it really been almost two years since then?’ he thought to himself. Quietly, Kaede wrapped sutras around the Kotodama rosary to try to protect Inuyasha’s skin.
“Inuyasha, will you not ask her again to remove the rosary?”
“I know I should. I guess I’m just hoping she’ll do it without me asking. Maybe when she sees what it does to me, she’ll remove it,” Inuyasha said weakly. He knew he was going to have to ask, and it hurt him that she didn’t think to remove it on her own, especially after knowing that his friends had asked her already.
Before any more was said, he rose and left the hut. Walking to the hut Kagome had been given to stay in until their wedding, he scratched lightly at the door. “May I come in Kagome?”
“Sure Inu. I was just preparing a dinner for us both.” He entered and she smiled up at him. “Do you want to stay the night here? I know tonight’s the New Moon.” She loved his human form, and didn’t want him to go back to his own hut tonight. She wanted to be able to enjoy his human side as much as she could. ‘Especially now that I have to look at those youkai markings on his face all the time. I can’t stand them. At least when he’s human they’ll be gone,’ she thought bitterly.
“Yeah, I’d like that Kagome,” he replied as he walked over to the opposite side of the fire pit. “Hey, do you think I could have some of that meat now, before you cook it? I won’t transform for a few hours yet, and it’s healthier for me as a hanyou. Ya’ know?
Kagome’s lips twisted. “Don’t tell me you’ve been eating raw meat? Don’t you remember what I told you before about germs? And wait! What did you do to the rosary?!!”
Inuyasha felt himself getting angry and fought to hold it in. “Don’t you remember that raw meat is better for me? Until I transform, it’s better. Oh, never mind. I’m sorry I even asked.”
He rose and walked outside, ignoring her question about the rosary. Sitting on the small porch, he looked up at the sky and sighed deeply, waiting for darkness to fall. ‘What is she going to think tonight, when she sees how my human transformation has become so different?’
Kagome immediately realized her error. It disgusted her, but she took up some of the meat she had been ready to cook, and brought it out to Inuyasha while it was still raw. “Here, I’m sorry. I get carried away sometimes. Maybe after you transform you can eat it cooked, the way I’ve been working on?”
Inuyasha looked up at her, startled. “Wow, really Kagome? Thanks. I wouldn’t have asked, but I love that seasoning you use on the meat. It tastes great cooked, but raw, when I’m still half-demon, it’s just amazing. That’s why I asked. I didn’t mean to make you think your cooking wasn’t good enough.”
She smiled. “No problem. Here, you eat this, and I’ll go in and get the dinner preparations finished. I can’t watch you eat that.” Inuyasha smiled at her being squeamish but said nothing. Instead, as soon as she went back inside, he ate the meat slowly, savoring the flavors.
Once he was finished he came back inside. “Can I help Kagome?”
“Oh, no, thanks for asking though. It’s all ready to cook. I’m just waiting for the sun to go down,” she smiled.
“The stars are already starting to appear in the sky, want to come and look?”
“Yes, I’d love that.”
They stood together on the porch of Kagome’s hut, hand in hand, and watched as the light faded from the sky. “Hey Inu? What is that on the rosary?”
Inuyasha sighed. ‘She’s never been able to just leave shit alone. If I don’t tell her, she’ll bitch about it until I get mad and tell her anyway.’ He resigned himself to tell her, but just as he began to explain, it started.
Kagome felt the pulse of Inuyasha’s transformation, and automatically looked, even though she thought she knew what to expect.
She was shocked to her core when she saw him completely transformed. He still had his claws! She looked up at his face, and realized that while his hair and eyes were his human color, his body didn’t get smaller and shorter as it used to. While he now looked human, with his demon markings gone and his normal human ears, and his human-colored hair and eyes, he still looked like the normal Inuyasha she knew.
“Inu…yasha?” she choked out, looking down so he would not see the disappointment in her eyes.
He said nothing, waiting for what he knew would come next.
Kagome suddenly heard a sizzling sound and looked up. The rosary was burning him! Kaede and Sango were telling her the truth!
His entire body jerked violently as the tainted holy power burned the sutras away and scorched a path through his body, as searing pain from his neck and collarbone streaked along his nerves. He whined softly in his throat, unable to keep the pained sound behind his clenched teeth. After a few minutes of this, his body finally relaxed slightly and he was able to open his eyes again, panting from the strain of it.
“Inuyasha? Explain!” she demanded.
Now he was pissed, but he still didn’t show it fully. “Kagome, I am more demon than I am human now. I have to access my own spiritual powers every single day, just to keep it from burning me all the time.
“When I transform and keep some of my youkai characteristics, the rosary rebels and burns me. It’s only by accessing the holy-power I inherited from my Mother’s blood that I can make that stop, or I’d have to deal with that pain until I transform back! NOW do you see why I wanted you to remove this fucking thing?!” he asked, still in incredible pain and finally allowing part of his anger to show.
As was normal for her, Kagome was not really paying attention to his words. “But do the sutras protect your skin? I heard the sutras burning, but is your skin burning too?”
Inuyasha could not believe what he was hearing. “Yes, they protect me for a short time, but then they burn away and my skin is burned badly. You can’t smell the burnt flesh?” he sneered. “The sutras only make it so all my flesh doesn’t burn away before I can get it under control. The first time, without the sutras, I was burned so deep that we could see my collarbone.” He opened the top of his kimono so she could see the horrific burns under the rosary.
Even as she was flinching back from the sight of the burns, she persisted. “But the burns heal when the sun rises, right?” she asked.
“Yes, Kagome, they do,” he replied, totally defeated. He knew her well enough to know that her question meant that she was not going to be removing them.
“What else is different?” she asked.
He answered in a flat voice, “I can use the Tetsusaiga all the time now. It transforms for me any time.” Inside he felt like something was shattering. ‘If she could not only see my pain, but see the burns so fresh, and is still asking these questions, it means she’ll never remove this fucking thing. That’s it then… But what other choices do I have?’
Kagome was outraged by this, but said nothing. ‘I loved him best when he was fully human, on this one night. Was that too much to ask? Now, I can’t see him fully human anymore? Damn Sesshoumaru and his blood!’ she ranted internally, conveniently forgetting that without Sesshoumaru’s blood Inuyasha would be dead. She would have had no one to come back to.
After visiting Kaede for ointment and bandages for his burns, during which Inuyasha deliberately avoided the old miko’s gaze, they returned to Kagome’s hut without saying a word. They ate dinner. Inuyasha complimented Kagome on it, but said nothing else.
At Inuyasha’s suggestion, they went out to watch the stars. She tried to get Inuyasha to kiss her, wanting him to spend the night with her so things could go further, but he just moved her hands away and sat quietly.
‘I have this feeling that she would freak out if I was kissing her when I transform back,’ Inuyasha thought to himself. ‘But would it be because I transform as we kiss, or because I’m back to being hanyou as we kiss?’ he couldn’t help but wonder.
Kagome was getting angry and trying to think of what to say to him. ‘Maybe it’s the pain from his burns that is making him so grouchy,’ she thought. ‘But he’s always handled pain well. Geez, what is wrong with him? What kind of guy turns down sex?’ she wondered.
Then Kagome got her second shock of the night when, close to midnight, with the stars still out and the sun nowhere close to rising, Inuyasha transformed back to his normal state. She noticed that the burns were still there on his skin.
“I’m goin’ to sleep Kagome. Thanks for the meal,” he said disconsolately as he rose to leave. She said nothing…just watched him walk to his own hut.
They were both up before dawn the next morning, and it let Kagome see the last part of his ‘human night.’ They were speaking to Kaede when the sun rose, and Kaede called her attention to the exposed skin at Inuyasha’s neck. Kagome saw the burns begin to heal, and was told by Kaede that the healing would take the entire day.
When she asked why he didn’t heal as fast as he would normally, Kaede angrily informed her that, as a miko herself, she should already know it was due to the holy power that caused them. ‘So he was telling the truth. But see? His suffering isn’t so bad. I don’t have to take them off just yet.’
Inuyasha was defeated inside. He knew now she would never remove them. If the kind-hearted girl he’d once known didn’t remove them after seeing his suffering, then she never would. But he also believed he’d never be able to do any better. If he wanted a family and children of his own, then it would have to be with Kagome. ‘But I won’t mate and claim her as a demon would.’ He swore to himself.
Later that morning, Inuyasha sent word to Sesshoumaru that he needed to speak with him that night, and asked him to meet him at the Goshinboku.

***

As night approached, Kagome was incensed when Inuyasha left her side, informing her that he needed to talk to Sesshoumaru, and he’d return in the morning.
As they approached the Great Tree and greeted each other, the Youkai Lord could sense the difference in his baby brother immediately.
“Otouto, what is it? What is wrong?”
“It’s nothing. I just… I just wanted to let you know I’ll have a traditional human wedding ceremony with Kagome. You can be there if you want, but I won’t be offended if you’d rather not. And here…” Inuyasha held out a paper-wrapped box and Sesshoumaru accepted it. “It’s a gift I made for you. I had planned to give it to you later, but…”
“Inuyasha,” he whispered gently, placing one hand on Inuyasha’s shoulder.
“Aniki, she’s upset that we meet every month, and she’s still using the rosary when I upset her, but it’s not like other potential mates have been beating down my door, have they? So it’s okay. But, so you know, I won’t mate and claim her. I can’t. But I also understand…” he choked slightly with the emotions tightening his throat, “I’ll totally understand if you have no respect for me anymore. I…”
“Otouto, I do still respect you. I think you are making the wrong decision, but I will stand by you nonetheless. Perhaps, for the sake of your happiness with your future-wife, we should not meet as often. Maybe you can be happy with her then?”
With no response right away from Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru felt his heart breaking, but could not completely understand why. “Listen Inuyasha, let us stop these meetings for now. I will be at my castle if you ever need me. You alone are always welcome there…it is your home too.”
He removed his hand as he turned to leave and Inuyasha noticed it immediately…the loss of a sense of support, strength and warmth.
Inuyasha watched Sesshoumaru take to the air and fly away, but he couldn’t hear the Youkai Lord’s thoughts.
‘Otouto, I will find out why your spirit has changed, I will find a way to free you of that abomination around your neck. And if I can, I will find out the origin and reason for these feelings inside me.’

***

One week later, as Sesshoumaru was flying over the village, on his way to bring Rin a new kimono.
Kagome greeted him. “Hello Oniisan!” she called loudly.
Hearing her calling him ‘brother’ made his blood boil, and he glared at her.
Inuyasha, standing with Kagome, couldn’t believe just how wrong that sounded…Kagome calling his Aniki ‘brother’. Just her voice saying it…it just seemed so wrong.

***

They saw each other occasionally over the next year, but slowly, Sesshoumaru seemed to become even more distant. More and more he ‘needed to be away’, even from the Western Lands. Ultimately, the visits stopped altogether.

***

Rin eventually finished her training. When the choice was given to her, whether to live with humans or return to the Castle, she chose the Castle and Sesshoumaru. Inuyasha was definitely not surprised…he felt he would have chosen the same. Rin hated how Kagome treated her Ojisan, and being unable to do anything about it broke her heart.
Instead of sending for Jaken, Inuyasha returned her to the Tsuki no Kyūden himself. It was not the first time he’d seen the Castle, and Rin asked him to come inside as she had each time, but he could never bring himself to do it, and this time was no different. Hugging her tightly, he bid her goodbye, his heart breaking.
‘I wonder, will I ever see her again? Will I ever see Sesshoumaru again?’
He wanted to stay so badly. In fact, he felt he could stay forever if asked. He couldn’t seem to find the energy to run or leap, so he walked away, with his shoulders hunched over, for the first mile. Finally, in his desperation to change things he felt could never change, he leaped high into the air and ran as though he could outrun his misery.
Rin stood quietly, watching him leave, until he was no more than a speck in the distance that blurred as tears filled her eyes.
Sesshoumaru knew she was back. He had sensed her and Inuyasha approaching for the last day. He felt something inside himself crack, realizing Inuyasha had not come inside and was gone already. He lost himself to thoughts of his little brother for a time, but when he finally realized he had not sensed Rin entering the castle, he walked to the front door and approached her quietly.
“Rin. Why are you standing here? Why are you crying?” he asked his adopted daughter.
“My heart is broken, Sesshoumaru-sama,” was all she could say. Her throat closed with tears and she turned and walked quietly into the castle.

***

For a time, grief buried the young Hanyou, and he stopped trying to see anyone he loved. He stayed with Kagome and did not leave the village often. He couldn’t stand the pitying looks he received from Miroku, Sango, Shippo…anyone.

***

Sesshoumaru & Inuyasha did not see each other again for more than a year.

~tbc

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Japanese used in this chapter:
Mon: Mon means crest and kamon means family crest. I’ve used “mon” here because I’m not sure if Sesshoumaru’s father wore the same design on his clothing. (See notes on Chapter 6 for full description.)
Ojisama: formal version of ‘uncle’. (http://japanese.about.com/bl_family.htm)
Kitsune: Fox; Fox Youkai
Osuwari: (おすわり”Sit”) is the command only Kagome can use to slam Inuyasha into the ground whenever she feels it’s ‘necessary,’ or when she is just being spoiled. ~The word "osuwari" is a sit command used specifically for dogs, which is why the beads don't activate whenever Kagome tells him to sit down. ~In Inuyasha's case, the Kotodama no Nenju are pretty much the equivalent of a collar or a choke-chain, maybe even a shock-collar, considering he's a dog demon.
Kotodama rosary: or the Kotodama no Nenju: (言魂の念珠, language power rosary), called the Beads of Subjugation in English, is the title of the rosary/necklace that Inuyasha wears around his neck. When activated by the use of a particular word, the beads glow and bring the wearer under control (in a manner of speaking). In Inuyasha's case, it's usually referred to as the “sit!” command.
Oniisan: (お兄さん) (おにいさん, oniisan) (elder, honorific) Respectful way to say ‘brother.’
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Change of Heart