Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Unforeseen	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Kouga/Kagome Views: 15427 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of it's characters. I do not make money out of these writings.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
A/N: This is dedicated to kouga's older woman for totally putting up with my slow updates.
Unforeseen
Chapter 10: Confused Minds
She could not breathe, she could not think. The only thing that occupied her mind was the feeling of his soft, warm lips against her own. She was frozen, unresponsive to the kiss as her body refused to obey the commands she was screaming at it. Her hands were shaking by her sides, her heart thundering in her chest. Her throat was dried and her lips were softened by the touch of his. She felt his large hand slide up to cradle the back of her head, tilting it to a slight which gave him better access. And then she felt weak. Her own mouth moved timidly, nestling her fears, her excitement within him.
The panic created by the surprise kiss took hold of Kouga rather quickly - especially when she did not move and she stiffened in his hold. Since she did not return the unexpected gesture he planned on snatching himself before spending a lifetime apologizing to her. But then the expected happened: she returned his kiss. Now it was impossible for him to tear himself away from her cherry lips. He knew deep down this was a luxury that would only come once in a lifetime. He felt guilty, so guilty - just not enough to stop. He never meant to kiss her - he panicked. He did not want her to think his heart belonged to someone else.
He ruined it, he ruined everything.
If he did not feel guilty enough then, he did now.
He used his grip on her to push himself away from her. His posture slumped while his chin dipped into his chest; how could he look at her? She did return the kiss but - but maybe she simply got caught up in the moment. The best thing he could do was apologize to her. He curled his hands inward before daring to raise his glance. She stared at him with open eyes, a slack expression on her face, her lips parted and a soft tint on her cheeks. Her hair was tousled and her lips plump from the kiss.
"Sorry - I didn't meant to - I"
She wanted to speak but her mouth hung open and no words came out. She never expected this to happen. She never thought - they were certainly never going to be a couple back then and now - Kouga was a friend. They were not going to be a couple. She was not going to date anyone. How could she?
He could see it; she was pulling away. He fucked it up. "Kagome, listen."
"It's okay," she finally spoke. The sound of her own voice took her by surprise. "I - m I just probably go anyway," she said as she gestured towards the door. Running. It was the only thought in her mind.
He should let her go since it was the fair thing to do. He stepped over the line and she no longer wanted to be in his presence for the time being. He would ignore the fact that she kissed him, he would forget the feeling of her lips against his. He would chase all of it away from his memories. However, he could not lose his friend. If he let her go now, he was sure he would never see her again and that thought alone made his adrenaline spike and his stomach coil. He could not let it happen.
"Kagome, it's late."
"I'll -"
"Sleep here. I'll go. I'll ask Ginta to bring you back in the morning."
There it was: a twinkle of sadness in his eye. She wanted to make it go away. Unfortunately, none of the words that came to her would be enough. She did not even know what she was feeling. How could she possibly explain it to him? Yet she had to find a solution. His icy blue eyes shone with pain and it broke her heart. How did it end up so messed up?
She could stay. She could do that. Except - she just stood there. Silent.
Kouga took her silence as a sign that she agreed with him. Unable to look her way he turned around and exited the room, leaving her behind - leaving all of it behind. He said time after time that it was not the kind of relationship he wanted with Kagome. He knew that if he made a move he would ruin everything between them. And that was exactly what he did. His insticts took over and he let them.
He did not even have time to set foot on the last wooden step of the stairs that Ginta and Hakkaku swarmed around him. Except, they did not look excited. How could they be after they heard the conversation?
"Kouga..." Ginta began.
Kouga cut him off. "Don't wanna hear it. This is why I told ya to stay out of it." He should be happy, he was right: Kagome did not have feelings for him. And he lost her. She trusted him. She felt safe with him.
He had no desire to stay in the house. He had to get out. Kouga was reckless, he knew that. He was a tad calmer with age but he would never be calm and level headed. His emotions influenced him - a lot. He also dove in head first. This new world did not allow him to fully be who he wanted to be. Restraint. That was the keyword to live in this new world and he did not like it one bit. He had to control his nature, he had to be someone who he was not. Blending in or extinction. When those were the only two options… the choice was easy. Though on some days, he only ahd one thought in mind; out. Out and wild. His instincts were calling out to him and he would answer the call. For tonight, he would be the wolf.
Kouga did not have to think about it twice. He began shedding his clothes as he made his way to the door. The guys did not even have to ask; they knew exactly where he was heading. All they had time to see was his dark wolf tail appear before he vanished from their eyes. Now that he was gone their guilt had time to settle in. It was an awful feeling, twisting their gut. They felt like crap. Ginta felt a thickness in his throat as he swallowed. They did not want to Kagome or Kouga to be hurt. They thought this would make everyone happy. Although they were as equally confused as they were feeling guilty.
She should have said yes.
How could Kagome not be interested? She liked being around Kouga, she blushed, she was jealous. They would make a great couple. She... she should have said yes. They witnessed every moments between these two, they were present when Kouga never quite gave up on her, when he became upset when she disappeared forever. And the joy - the joy in his eyes when he found her again after all that time…
But they learned one lesson; they were not going to mingle anymore.
-U-
The room was filled with an unsettling silence. The thumping of her heart seemed so loud in all the quietness. She wanted it to slow down, she wanted to close her eyes and slip into unconsciousness. Unfortunately, life was not so gracious. Ever since Kouga left the room, and she failed to stop him, she remained awake. She wanted to go after him and talk but she did not know what to talk about, she did not know how to ease the pain, take away the confusion and make the situation better.
Should she begin by telling him how messed up she felt? All the time traveling, the missed normal teenage years, everyone she left behind...it left her different. She was no longer the same Kagome. Her heart suffered a lot when all those people she considered family were snatched away from her. How much time did she spend at the bottom of that well, trying anything to make it work one last time? How many tears did she shed on that dirt, hopeless, hoping that another miracle would take place?
Then Kouga came back in her life and it was like a whirlwind. She remembered everything she lost and she got a glimpse into her old life, the one she missed so much. She appreciated Kouga - a lot. His presence along with his pack's made her life much better. But - she already turned him down once. And she did not want to lose him. She did not know what she felt for Kouga. The thought of a relationship did not really cross her mind. They were friends. They were happy. And she never thought he wanted more. He made it clear on multiple occasions that they were only friends.
Did she want to be more than friends? Was she over her broken heart? Most of all...did she feel something for him or was her heart confused by all the memories he was bringing back? It would not be fair to herself or to him if she - if she did not like him and got involved with him. It would ruin everything more than it was already ruined.
Though one thing was for sure, she could not stay there and try to sleep and pretend that nothing happened. She might not have anything to say but - she could not leave things as they were. At the worst, she could leave. This place had become comfortable for her, a place of solace in the midst of everything. The simple thought that she was losing all of that was terrifying. She had to try and salvage it, she had to try to repair it. It was not a catastrophe was it? They kissed. And maybe it was all a mistake on both parts; him initiating it, and her responding to it.
She kicked the blue comforter off of her body with her feet and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She then quietly crept her way to the door, pressing her ear to it and listening. Nobody was talking - although nobody was asleep. Unlike earlier, she could not feel Kouga's presence; was he hiding it or was - was he gone? He told her to stay but he left? Her expression saddened as she rubbed the heel of her palm against her chest; it hurt. She wrapped her slender fingers around the golden knob of the door and twisted it open. She peeked inside, only seeing the empty, beige walls of the hallway. She followed the trail all the way to the wooden stairs and dared to go downstairs. The steps cracked with each movement she made, completely giving away her position.
Once she arrived downstairs, Ginta and Hakkaku turned their heads to look at her. They were sitting on the couch, some movie playing on the TV. Clearly they were not even watching it.
"Hey sis," Ginta greeted with a smile that seemed force. He looked concerned for her.
"Are you alright? Something wrong?"
They knew. And they knew that she knew that they knew. They still played the part. They did not want to embarrass her or make the situation any worst. If she wanted to talk about it, she would.
"Where's Kouga?" she managed to ask as she timidly tugged on the long sleeves of her white shirt. They heard it all and it made her cringe. She was not oblivious to it all; she remembered some of the conversations she had with the guys. Or the little less-than-subtle calls they made from time to time.
"He's outside." But. But the but remained silent. At the worst, she simply would have to wait for him a little if he had not yet return from his little walk. It was good that they would talk. There had to be some sort of misunderstanding, something that would explain why it went wrong?
She smiled. "Thank you."
She began heading outside, her hands trembling by her side. Her lips still felt swollen from the kiss, she could still remember it vividly. Her mind was tugging her in a billion directions at the same time. Yes, no. Leave, go. Her eyes were so focused on the door that she never glanced at the floor, never saw the clothes that covered the path in front of her. She peeked outside and only found emptiness. Force to venture further, she closed the door behind her and began to inspect her surroundings, looking for signs of him. Eventually, she spotted him. His figure was dark, hidden by the shadows, but there he was, his back facing her as he stared into the night. He had to know she was there; she was so nervous it made her aura pulse. At least he was not leaving; that was a good sign right?
Kagome took tiny steps until she closed half the distance. It was then that she saw his posture change; he stiffened.
Kouga did not actually think that Kagome would come so close or he thought she would call out to him - even though he never expected her to come looking for him in the first place. He chose not to speed away, thinking she might interpret it the wrong way. Unfortunately, he was now stuck in a rather uncomfortable situation.
"I'm naked," he finally shared.
Naked? And it was then that she saw it. She squinted and suddenly, the shadows were not as blinding; she could see all of his back, his tan skin and his defined muscles. His dark tail was rested by his side, letting her know he had gone for a little night walk. It was not too long before her cheeks puffed red and her eyes darted away from his figure. Oh. What exactly was she supposed to do now? Why was he laying in the grass naked! Well, he did avoid the house because of her. Which was one more reason why they needed to fix this. She closed her eyes, inhaled deeply, and fisted her hands. She kept walking, her embarrassment never leaving her face. One she was close enough she sat down, her back facing his.
He never expected her to stay and it was hard to stop the smirk from reaching his lips.
"Kouga, I don't -"
And then the happiness was gone.
"It was nothing."
"I wanna talk about it."
"There's nothing to talk about." He ran his hand through his bangs, holding back a sigh. "You kept talking. And the guys were telling ya bullshit and ya wouldn't listen so I just - I just wanted to make you listen."
She felt a ping in her heart; the same kind she felt when he told the guys that they would ever only be friends. Perhaps she was reading too much into it. Though sometimes she thought about the times they spent together. Their walks, their talks. The way they were closer than ever and - it never dawned upon her that this was a path they might be taking. It was not like she ever considered him a possible suitor in the past. But this was not the Feudal Era, and she was not the same girl and he was not the same Kouga.
"That's it?"
"That's it."
"Okay, well I'm sorry."
He felt her move, he knew she would get up and walk away and he should let her. He messed up enough. They had a good relationship, they were good together as friends and he fucked it all up by kissing her. He should have known it was only a matter of time before he ruined everything.
"Kagome, fuck, just -"
Could he tell her? Should he tell her?
"Just wait," he finished.
She stilled, daring to tilt her head slightly to look at his face. He was gazing in the horizon, his blue eyes focused on what laid in front of him. His hands were digging in to the ground, hints of claws showing as his disguise was somewhat fading away. He was so deep in thoughts, he was not even thinking about keeping the facade up. If there was one thing he did not want, it was to lose her. However, he created a shift in their relationship, something he could never take back. Even if she wrote it off as nothing, even if they kept going, it would be different. She would be different around him.
"Shit," he cursed. "I didn't want this to happen."
Her heart raced as she stood there, listening to the confession she never thought she would hear. Before, she would have already tried to run away from him as he tried to propose yet again. Not this time.
"I don't know what's going on."
He let her pet him. He nuzzled her. He held her in his arms while she slept, while she nuzzled to him and called out for him. His life was different since he came in, she gave him back a feeling he did not think he would have again. She smiled and his world lite up and he hated it because it made him feel mushy and he did not want that. But he could not help it. His days were better when she was around. Did he like her? Fuck. Maybe he did. Or was it remnants of the past? No. He fucking liked her.
"I don't either," she finally admitted.
He was expecting a let down, he was expecting her to say, let's be friends. He did not expect that.
"I -everything has been so messed up since I've been back. It's hard being here. I don't fit. I might not be youkai but when I'm with you guys, it feels like home. And I -" This was the hard part, the part where she had to tell him she did not have the first clue about how she felt. "It was hard when I came back, I was sad for a long time and I couldn't get back into the beat of this era. I don't know what I feel. My heart feels like it was stepped on and -" She slid her hand across the grass until it bumped into his. Her cheeks were red, her face was heated but she kept going. She inhaled a hitched breath and continued. "I don't want to lose you. I like having you in my life."
"But you don't know."
"I don't know." She could feel the tears burning her eyes. She did not want to hurt him, she wanted to have a perfect answer but she did not.
He thought about it too - he was so stubborn about insisting that they remained friends. He was not even sure what was right for them anymore. Simply having her around was enough for him. He did not have to date her. It did not mean he did not enjoy having her around, having her nuzzle him or wrapping his arms around her as she slept but - but he could live with it. The simple fact of having her back was enough. He remembered how painful it was when she left and he had no idea where she went. He did not want that again. This was good.
But - but what if she did want more? Would he really turn her down? No he would not.
"So we don't do choose anything now."
He paused and he waited to see if she would say anything but she did not.
"And we see where it goes."
"Are you going to bring me flowers and thank me for giving you chips?" she asked with a smile tugging at her lips. It was perhaps not the best time for humour but she could not help herself.
He joined her in the fun, chortling lively. "Maybe. Would that win me any points?"
"Maybe."
Silence settled in but some of the awkwardness had faded away. They made no promise, no goal. That would be okay for now. Her heart was not always her most reliable friend when it came to love. And the last thing she wanted was to hurt or lose Kouga. If they could come to an agreement, then it was good.
Kagome tucked her knees against her chest. She wrapped her arms around her legs ready to turn around. However as she did so she got a flash of skin - a lot of tan, smooth, shining in the moonlight skin. Her face urned further red, if that was even possible, and she tilted her head backwards before clamping a hand over her eyes.
"Yeah, I warned ya."
"I forgot!"
He laughed, amused by her reaction and the lovely hue of crimson that adorned her cheeks.
" Keep 'em closed."
She did as he said, a smile on her lips. She thought it was gone: the friendship, the teasing. Her heart was lighter at the thought that one little moment did not ruin it all. Her heart might not know what it wanted but she had Kouga nonetheless.
"Alright," she heard him say.
She uncovered her eyes to reveal a now dressed Kouga. he had on a pair of dark blue jeans along with a plain old white t-shirt. He extended her his hand, proposing to help her up. She gladly took it, placing her much smaller, shaky hand in his. He pulled her up effortlessly, his eyes never breaking contact with hers. Once she was steady on her feet, he released her hand.
As they began walking in direction of the house he decided he wanted to clear up his last remaining doubt before they went inside.
"We're okay?"
"We're okay," she replied without any hesitation.
She gently bumped into him and they kept on walking.
-U-
The chocolate curtains hanging in front of the window were gently blown by the wind as a morning breeze snuck inside. The sun was past the horizon while the sky maintained a golden colour. As the wind blew inside the room Kagome found herself unconsciously hugging the blanket against her body to keep warm. If the cold was not enough to wake her, the sweet scent of food that filled her nostrils was. She lifted her head, a grogginess taking over. She rubbed her face before opening her eyes. She was alone just as she had been when she fell asleep. Once Kouga and her had returned inside the house he told her it was time for humans to go to bed. He teased her but he was right. It did not take her much longer to fall asleep.
Things were slightly left in the open but they were solved. What else could she ask for?
She detached herself from the blankets, despite the fact that a cold breeze rapidly wrapped around her. She snaked her arms around her body, rubbing her palms against her flesh to warm herself. She slowly went downstairs, following the scent all the way to the kitchen. Once she got there, she found the boys. Ginta, Hakkaku and Kouga were sitting at the table eating. It was not too long before they raised their heads to look at her. Ginta tried to greet her with a stuffed mouth but everything he said was muffled. Hakkaku did not even try to talk and simply waved at her while giving her his best smile.
She chuckled while Kouga rolled his eyes. "We made some pancakes for you too," he said he pushed the plate towards her. Some was an understatement. The plate had a gigantic pile of blueberries pancakes pilled up, waiting for her to devour her them.
He did not need to tell her twice. She joined them at the table, grabbing the empty seat beside Kouga, and used a fork to put some pancakes in her plate. "Thank you."
Kouga gave her his best wolfish grin before shoving another bite into his mouth. When he first heard her coming down the stairs, he worried things might be slightly awkward but for the moment everything was back to normal. He wanted to wait for her before eating but the guys were getting impatient. Waking her up was not an option either; he figured she would be exhausted after the emotionally draining night she had. She was supposed to sleep over so that she could catch up on all the sleep she missed. She was not supposed to spend her nights awake because of him. It was the last time he would let something like that happen.
He focused his attention back to his own plate. Beside his pile of half-eaten pancakes were a few fruits. He picked up a round fruit with a thick large purple peel and snapped it in half with his bare hands only to reveal gooey white slices inside. As he popped one in his mouth he noticed Kagome was staring at him, leaning forward and one of her eyebrow raised. Her nose wrinkled while she paused to examine the fruit in his hand, her gaze focused.
"Mangkut."
"Huh?"
"They're called mangkuts. It's a fruit. Never had it before?"
She shook her head.
He slipped off a white slice from the purple shell and approached it to her face. "Wanna try?"
Her mouth twisted as she pondered her suggestion before she shook her head. "No thank you." Frankly, it's appearance made it look unappealing. She did not think she would like it.
"Come on, it's good, try it," he said, getting it even closer to her mouth.
She sighed before tilting her head backward. "Fine," she said before parting her lips, leaving her mouth wide open.
For a brief instant, probably too short for her human eyes to notice, they all stilled. Kouga remembered vividly their conversation; they would let things progress however they may - but this was courting. It was not in her eyes but it was in his. Technically, she gave him permission to do so - although. No. It did not count. She was human, she was not a wolf. Even if he could tell Ginta and Hakkaku thought the same exact thing. He closed the distance between his fingers and her mouth to give her the slice. She gladly accepted it and he retracted his hand as though none of it meant anything special. His heart raced for a second, despite the thoughts running through his mind. She willingly let him feed her, she accepted the gesture - it was as though he proved himself as a provider.
Man he sounded old. The thought made him scoff.
"What's wrong?" she asked as she began chewing on the fruit, letting the new taste invade her mouth for the very first time. It was extremely sweet.
"How does it taste?" he asked, changing the conversation.
"Good," she rapidly admitted. He was right.
"Ya need to listen a little more."
She rolled her eyes, her smile betraying her. He took another slice and dangled it in front of her, She took it from him and eat it and he chuckled.
On the other side of their conversation was Ginta and Hakkaku. They were trying not to stare but it was becoming quite difficult. Those two were acting like two little lovebirds. They were not quite sure what happened last night. They did not want to spy on their conversation so they did their best not to listen in. Obviously, that proved to be a little difficult and they ended up hearing bits and pieces. Though it was not enough to know what the two of them decided on. They tried to ask Kouga but he refused to share, insisting it was none of their goddamn business and that they had already gotten more involved than they should have. They could not exactly disagree on that point but - nonetheless. If it was not for them they would not have gotten where they currently where…. Whatever that was.
Suddenly, Kouga's phone rang. He glanced down at it and groaned. Kagome shoot him a confused look. "It's work."
She was not exactly sure which of his many jobs he was referring to but she never got the chance to ask as he took his cellphone and walked into the living room before answering. Kagome could not hear the conversation but it was clear that Ginta and Hakkaku could since they were quiet and listening in. Apparently ears dropping was a very popular habit with the pack.
"I can take your shift," Ginta offered when Kouga walked back in.
"No, they want me to talk a look at it. Today."
His eyes shifted and he looked in Kagome's direction. She was more than welcome to stay; the guys loved her company and he told her many times that this was her home…despite the fact that already had a home with her family. However, he did not get a chance to say anything that Kagome was already getting up.
"It's okay I should really be getting home."
"You don't have to leave."
"Yeah, sis. You can stay as long as you want."
"No seriously, I have to drop off some applications anyway." As long as she was not going to school, she wanted to work. She did not want to be a freeloader; her mother had enough to take care of as it was and Kagome did not want to be an added burden. Plus, she wanted to be able to help her mother.
Kouga frowned. "I told you I'd help ya with that. You don't have to go around applying."
"I'm not a damsel in distress. It's just a job," she said with a smile. "I wanna do this. Plus, I should really go home a little bit." Her mother was kind enough to let her have a lot of sleepover. She trusted Kagome, she knew she did not lie. She said Kouga and her were only friends hanging out. Although, she was no longer certain that was the truth. And her mother was pretty much the only person she had to talk with about that kind of stuff.
"Alright, well at least finish your breakfast."
"You're leaving now?"
"I have to."
He would save a lot of fucking time if he could run. This human world just had to be slow and unfortunately he had to pay the consequences of that somewhere. It was cutting in on his time with Kagome but he also had responsibilities he had to take care of; his pack. Work meant money and money meant he could take care of his own when they needed his help. He was the leader and his job was to make sure everyone would be okay no matter what happened. Pack was family.
Now he simply had to share the rest of the bad news. "It might take a few days."
"That's okay," she quickly replied. They went days without seeing each other before, it was fine. Although most of the time they did not see each other because apparently they were both afraid of messing up. She understood he had to leave; jobs were important. Even if, she had to admit the timing was rather awful. They went on as though yesterday did not happen, as though they did not kiss. It was true that they decided to let things happen on their own, to see if their friendship would go that way on its own but…
But now he was leaving for a few days and… that was fine.
"Alright," he finally said before running his fingers through his hair. "I gotta pack a few things. If ya want I'll drop ya home."
She was about to accept his offer when an idea formed in her mind. "It's okay, I think I'll just finish breakfast and relax a little before I go." It was not the best white lie she ever came up with but it would do. She did not think he would see her behaviour as strange.
They were two people she needed to spend a tad bit more time with; Ginta and Hakkaku. They knew Kouga well, they probably knew what he was thinking better than she did. Was it considered spying if she asked them a few questions? She knew nothing of pack dynamics or wolves for that matter. She might have some knowledge of youkais and all of her experiences in the past but this was all new to her. She could swear that she noticed them freeze and stare at her earlier even though she could not for the life of her figure out what she could have possibly done wrong. She still had not figured out what it was exactly she felt for Kouga. She did not know if it could ever be a relationship. However, the way he made her smile, the way her heart felt lighter whenever she was with him, when she was with the pack made her think that she had to see if it was a viable option.
Apparently it was time for her to get a little crash course in wolves.
-U-
- 9
- 10
- 11
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