Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Pretending to Pretend	By : SplendentGoddess Category: InuYasha AU/AR > Het - Male/Female Views: 4817 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Inuyasha, and the characters therein, are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I am in no way affiliated with Takahashi or VIZ Productions, and I do not gain financially from my fanfic in any way.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
Chapter Ten

The next day, Inuyasha was definitely grateful for the reprieve that Saturday offered. Not only did he not have to face the entire student body of Tama University just yet, but he didn't even have to face Kagome, since she was working at her family shrine. He would pick her up tomorrow evening like he always did those days, but that at least gave him today to get his shit together. Knowing he had to be all smiles when he got her tomorrow, keeping up their usual routine for the sake of her family, he would make sure to get his thoughts in order so that he wouldn't unintentionally seem distracted.

He needed to speak with Sango and Miroku.

Knowing that Sango was working at her family dojo that morning and that after work she'd be going to Miroku's apartment for the two of them to have lunch together before it was Miroku's turn to leave for work, Inuyasha thought about texting Miroku to let him know he would be coming over but then thought better of it. The monk might try to just talk to him in text, or even call him on the phone, but he wanted to speak with him, with the both of them, in person, so that he'd be able to rely on his demonic senses to help him determine whether or not they were being honest with him. If they were forewarned of his arrival it was also theoretically possible they'd have time to mentally prepare themselves, especially the houshi since he did that meditation crap that Inuyasha had never been able to get into. He wouldn't put it past Miroku to be able to lie smoothly without giving off a single indication that he was being dishonest. He'd rather catch them off guard and then their reactions would be much more genuine.

Not that he really thought they were trying to deceive him, per se, but if Kagome had possibly made them swear never to tell him... And he felt bad, thinking about putting them in the awkward position of possibly needing to break such a vow, but even if they didn't, wouldn't, their reactions alone would be enough to tell him all he needed to know.

In the meantime, the impersonal nature of text messaging was perfect for contacting Kagome about his idea regarding the plan. Texting her his suggestion, that the best course of action for them would be to pretend that she had already confessed to him at one point during their intimacy the truth regarding how long she'd loved him, thus explaining why she'd felt okay revealing it to Kikyou and everyone else because it wasn't something that had still been a secret to him, even though Sango and Miroku hadn't known, Kagome wrote back that that was a fabulous idea. She said she hadn't thought about it at the time, and had just assumed that supposedly he hadn't known, she'd never told him, but she also agreed that there was nothing in what she'd said that had specifically implied he still hadn't known by that point in their relationship, acknowledging that his idea made more sense.

Once they got that squared away Inuyasha let her go, so she could get back to working in the shrine's gift shop, with just a quick “See you tomorrow” as his send off. With that done, he distracted himself with some morning TV while keeping an eye on the time.

ooo

Miroku and Sango were just getting ready to have lunch in Miroku's apartment when there was an unexpected knock on the door.

“Hey,” Miroku greeted when he saw who it was. “We weren't expecting you, but come on in,” he said, stepping aside to bid the hanyou entry.

Sango came over as Inuyasha slipped out of his shoes.

“Would you like some ramen?” she offered. While their cups were already done she could always boil more water.

“I'll do it,” he said, the scent of shrimp cup noodle making his mouth water. While he hadn't previously had food on the mind, he would never say no to ramen. “You guys eat yours before it gets cold.”

“So what brings you by?” Miroku asked conversationally as he slurped his noodles while leaning against the kitchen counter, Inuyasha putting a pot of water on to boil.

While he was pretty sure it had something to do with the massive elephant in the room, he could be wrong, so would wait to see what the hanyou had to say.

“I just needed to talk to you two for a minute,” Inuyasha admitted then, “and I figured it would be better to have this conversation in person.”

“Let me guess,” Sango started, and Inuyasha nodded.

“Yesterday,” he answered.

“Kagome's big speech to Kikyou,” Miroku finished.

“I was hopin', if you guys knew something that maybe you'd promised not to tell me, that you might be willing to break that promise,” Inuyasha said then, as he poured the hot water into his cup of noodles and moved with the others to go have a seat in the living room.

“I understand,” Sango said, “and if I knew the truth, I would tell you. But the truth is, honestly, while I had suspected that Kagome might've had stronger feelings for you I never asked her, and she never said.”

“But we did think that you two would make a better couple, if Kikyou were out of the picture.”

“Miroku!”

“What?” said defensively. “He wanted us to be honest.”

“No, that's true,” Inuyasha said then, coming to the houshi's defense as well, before asking him, “You really thought that?”

“We did,” Sango admitted then. “We only talked about it once or twice, when I was speculating whether or not Kagome might have had deeper feelings for you. We never openly discussed whether or not we thought she did, but we did agree, just in passing, that you two would've been perfect for each other.”

“It was after we knew that Kikyou didn't really love you,” Miroku wished to clarify.

Inuyasha just shook his head.

“I wish I would've listened to you guys when you tried to warn me about her.”

“You loved her,” Miroku brushed off. “I completely understand.”

Slurping up the last of her noodles, Sango stared down at the empty cup in her hands for a moment, as if debating what to say next, before admitting, “Even though I never asked Kagome if she had stronger feelings for you back then, I did ask her about it last night. I called her, and she told me the same thing I'm sure she told you yesterday, what Miroku and I had gathered from the way she'd winked at us when she approached. She said it was just an on the fly story she made up to make her supposed feelings for you more believable since she didn't want everyone thinking she was just with you for your money. It was the best way to get back at Kikyou, she said, since the whole point had been for her to see you in a happy relationship after dumping you, to know that she hadn't succeeded in bringing you down.”

Inuyasha nodded his understanding to that.

“If Kikyou's convinced that Kagome just took advantage of the opportunity to replace her and I'm still just being used by someone, stupidly falling for it a second time, then that doesn't give me the satisfaction of proving to Kikyou that I'm not unlovable, it actually reinforces her belief.”

“Yeah,” Sango agreed.

As they all thought about it, it really did make sense, then, why Kagome might have come up with such a story, assuming it wasn't really true. Her explanation, of just wanting to convince Kikyou that her supposed love was real, to debunk the other miko's theory that she, too, was just using Inuyasha for his money, was completely plausible.

“The one person who might know the truth is Kagome's mother,” Miroku suggested then.

“Yeah...” Sango remembered aloud at Miroku's words. “She even said as part of everything she said to Kikyou that she'd cried to her mother about it.”

“I don't know if I feel brave enough to ask Kagome's mother about it, though,” Inuyasha confessed. “What if it's not true? I still have to come around, still pretending to be Kagome's boyfriend at any rate, and I'd hate for her to feel sorry for me, and she'd probably tell Kagome, too...” He shook his head. “No, I don't want to go down that road.”

“It's your decision,” Miroku stated.

“I have a question,” Sango said then, her serious tone earning both boys' attention. “Do you love her?”

Inuyasha's eyes widened, more surprised that she'd actually asked him than by the question itself since it was one he'd already been asking himself lately. “I...”

Do I love her? he questioned himself for the nth time, mentally going over the criteria.

He knew he enjoyed her company, a lot, and he missed her terribly whenever she was gone. He tried hard not to let his own sour mood put a frown on her face, and despite his sour mood she always managed to make him smile and laugh. That was love, wasn't it? But he'd never really thought about Kagome in an intimate way before. Well, except for all the times his stupid hormones tried to get the better of him. She was a beautiful female, after all. It's not like he didn't have eyes.

Unbidden, his imagination suddenly provided himself with a fantasized vision of the two of them exploring each other's bodies, substituting Kagome in Kikyou's place for the few intimate memories he had of the other miko, and his face flamed bright red.

“It's a fair question,” Miroku chimed in when it became obvious the embarrassed hanyou wasn't going to answer. “We both know you care about her deeply, as a friend, that she is the most important one to you among the three of us in fact, but do you love her?”

“I...I'm really not sure...” he admitted finally, feeling as foolish as he knew it sounded. “I'm just so...comfortable around her, you know? But...but when I think about how I fell in love with Kikyou, so hard and fast, I just don't know...”

Clearing his throat, he tried his best to swallow down his discomfort when it came to talking about his feelings. This was important, damn it.

“In the very beginning,” he explained then, “I was amazed Kikyou was even willing to speak to me, let alone be my friend. I got what I guess was a crush on her right away, but I was afraid to let her know. I'd thought, well, she only wanted to be my friend. I needed to be grateful for what I had and not push my luck, you know?” Sango and Miroku both nodded their understanding to that. “But then when she asked me out on a date all of a sudden, I jumped at the chance. I was so happy. But I never felt that way about Kagome. I mean, how could I? I was with Kikyou. So when I got to know you guys, all three of you, she was just another friend, the same as you two. But then...you're right, Miroku. She became my best friend. I mean, it's great having you to talk to if I need to talk to a guy about certain things...” Miroku nodded to that. “...but, but to just hang out and have fun, I have so much fun with Kagome. And she ain't bad to look at, neither. Of course the horny male in me finds her attractive,” he admitted sheepishly. “It's not like I think of her as a sister or something, someone off limits. She was off limits because I wasn't available, but so that's certainly not true anymore...”

Trailing off, his eyes widened as he suddenly realized he was legitimately considering it. Not an off-handed thought of the two of them possibly getting together at some point in the future, once his heart was ready to think about romance again. His heart was actively thinking about it. He was really, honestly, legitimately over Kikyou, and the thought of Kagome being his girlfriend, his real girlfriend, right now, was suddenly a very appealing one.

“I think...I think I do love her,” he acknowledged then, both sounding and looking much more surprised than the houshi and taijiya, who'd both suspected all along that he'd wind up developing stronger feelings for Kagome. They'd just wanted to hear him admit it, have him realize it for himself.

“I still don't want to talk to her mother, though,” he said then. “No matter how I tried to phrase it to her, she'd undoubtedly tell Kagome, so if Kagome's going to find out one way or the other I may as well just man up and talk to her about it, myself. Then that way, at least if it turns out she really doesn't see me that way, at least her mother won't look at me with pity in her eyes.”

“Well I, for one, will not pity you,” Sango assured him then. She was convinced Kagome loved that hanyou with all her heart, so she wasn't worried about it turning out she didn't.

“Nor I,” Miroku added, feeling the same way. Even if Kagome had somehow managed to convince herself to just not let herself feel her feelings for him, believing with all her heart that he would never, could never return them, upon discovering that Inuyasha had, in fact, fallen for her, Kagome should be ecstatic. “That you are planning on telling Kagome how you feel, I commend you, and Sango and I shall not betray your confidence.”

Sango immediately nodded her agreement to her boyfriend's statement.

“Thanks guys,” Inuyasha said, meaning it with all his heart. “Yeah, please don't say anything to Kagome about our conversation, and don't try to covertly get the truth out of her, either. She already claimed she made it up, so that's clearly the story she's sticking with, whether it's true or not. Just let her stick to her story. I'll work on trying to figure out whether it's true or not, and when I feel like the moment's right, I'll talk to her, but until then, let's just keep playing the game since that's clearly what she wants. Gotta keep up appearances at school anyway, right?”

Sango and Miroku both agreed to that, as well, promising they would abide by his wishes and not say anything to Kagome about it. As far as the miko would know, they had all believed her story, the claim that what she'd told Kikyou had been a story. Inuyasha also filled them in on the addition to that story that he'd come up with the day before, that as far as the plan was concerned, the story was that he had actually already known the truth of Kagome loving him, because at one point she'd confessed it to him, which explained why she'd been willing to admit it to Kikyou in the first place without worrying about what he would think should he overhear her, and which also explained why the two of them had been all smiles afterwards. Miroku and Sango also agreed that that was a good idea, including the part about the two of them not having known, because, at the time, prior to when Kagome had decided to spill the beans in order to defend her relationship with Inuyasha, it had been a secret kept between just the two of them.

“That was good thinking,” Miroku complemented. Surely at least some people would wonder what sort of consequences had arisen between hanyou and miko as a result of her admittance, so this way, there would be none.

As far as the real life consequences Inuyasha now had to face, not within the fake alternate reality of their plan, it wouldn't be as hard to act natural at school, he told them, compared to how it'd been for him in the very beginning, when he'd secretly been totally heartbroken over Kikyou and had had to fake his happiness every day. Feeling somewhat optimistic, himself, that Kagome cared for him as he thought she did – it would certainly explain why she'd really been willing to go along with the ruse, uncaring about it harming her own reputation – he wasn't really that depressed over the minuscule worry that it might not really be true. He was nowhere near as emotionally disturbed over this unexpected confusion as he had been when Kikyou had ripped his heart from his chest and stomped on it with her high heeled shoes on her way out of his life. So if he could get up in the morning and smile when he'd felt like just staying in bed and crying, this would be easy. He would stay optimistic and not let the tiny little doubt in the back of his mind make him chicken out. When the time was right, he would talk to Kagome about it.

That right time was not the following day, however, when Inuyasha went to the Higurashi Shrine to pick Kagome up after her shift. Keeping his act firmly in place as he greeted her family, he didn't even decline when Mrs. Higurashi asked him if he'd like to stay for dinner, although he didn't have to because Kagome beat him to it.

“Thanks, Mom, but we already have dinner plans for tonight,” she said, which was news to him but obviously she just didn't want to stay for dinner so he played it off like a pro.

“We'll stay another time,” he told Kagome's mother with a warn, appreciative smile.

His fake smiles always turned much more real around Mrs. Higurashi, since she was such a wonderful woman, being willing to go along with their ruse like she was, although if she actually did know something about Kagome's true feelings on the matter then that might help explain her reasoning in that department. But even beyond that, for even just letting Kagome be his friend in the first place, he was so grateful to the elder Higurashi woman. She was such a caring, understanding soul.

“Well not next weekend you won't,” she said then, a playful, loving smile on her face. “I already told Kagome that she needn't come out next weekend, what with it being Christmas and all. While the mother in me would love to have you two over for Christmas dinner I'm sure much you'd rather spend the holiday alone, so that's what you're going to do and I won't hear any excuses.”

While on the inside he was groaning, not even wanting to think about Christmas at the moment, he kept his smile firmly in place, even if it was a tad more forced than it'd been a moment ago. “Yes ma'am,” he answered playfully, making Mrs. Higurashi giggle softly behind her hand. Kagome actually did groan, but in a way that was acceptable for a nineteen-year-old daughter to do when her mother was being embarrassing. She also kept the routine up since her grandfather and brother were also in the same room.

“Bye sis!” Souta called out as they headed for the door. “Merry Christmas! Since I won't see you.”

“Bye squirt,” she replied lovingly, her smile softening as she met her younger brother's eyes. “Merry Christmas.”

With that, Kagome let Inuyasha usher her out of the house and into his car.

As soon as they were driving off, she spoke up before he could.

“If you haven't already made reservations anywhere then don't,” she told him, her tone of voice gentle enough. “I don't really feel like going out to some fancy restaurant for Christmas dinner.”

“I know the fancy restaurants aren't really your thing,” he acknowledged. “If you just wanna have the day off and not do anything, that's fine by me.”

“Thanks.”

Since there was so much romance associated with Christmas Eve, Inuyasha would just as soon spend it alone in his own apartment, as well. Before Friday, he might've been willing to grab some fried chicken and just hang out with her in her apartment as just friends, maybe bring over some movie or another to watch. Hell, before Friday, he would've been looking forward to it. But now, just the thought of spending what was supposed to be a special night for lovers alone with Kagome was making his stomach feel like he was free falling. Here he'd thought he only had to deal with his own confusing feelings, but now he had to worry about how she really felt on top of it? It would be the most awkward evening ever if they both just tried to pretend there wasn't a giant red and green elephant covered in white and silver Christmas tinsel in the middle of the room.

Where that particular visual had come from, he wasn't sure, but the point was, he had to get his own heart in order before he could start worrying about her feelings. He did intend to talk to her about it, like he'd told Miroku and Sango he would, and who knew, maybe he'd feel differently in a week and they'd wind up hanging out on Christmas Eve, after all, but right in that moment as he drove her back into the city he couldn't even come up with anything mundane to chat about, and so for the first time ever, he turned on the radio.

While Kagome wished Inuyasha would've just started up a normal conversation she was grateful, at least, when he clicked the radio on, since the growing silence had been deafening. She'd had no idea what to talk about, herself, and apparently, he felt the same way. Mentally, she sighed. She feared it was going to be hard, going forward, to act as naturally as she had before. Oh, she'd be able to keep the act going at school, no problem. She owed him that much, at the very least. But while she could fool fellow humans by throwing on a friendly smile and striking a casual pose, that wouldn't fool Inuyasha's inu-youkai senses, and she knew it. She didn't know how she was going to keep herself from being a nervous wreck in his presence.

Maybe if she'd actually believed she'd fooled him before, that he'd bought her excuse, then she would be able to relax a little bit now, but she was sure he still wondered. He hadn't outright called her a liar, and for that she was grateful, but the simple fact that he hadn't been able to come up with anything normal to talk about right then, either, and had turned on the radio in order to break the silence, was all the proof Kagome needed to know that his thoughts were probably just as much of a jumbled mess as her own. Except, in his case, he was dealing with the potential awkwardness of realizing his best friend had deeper feelings for him, while she was the one who had to deal with her friend potentially knowing that she loved him.

Not really something she wanted to think about.

In a really lame attempt at pretending everything was fine, she started singing along to the radio.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The following day was as awkward as Kagome had feared it would be. She and Inuyasha acted the same in front of everyone else, but it was their moments alone that she feared had been irreparably damaged. On the way to school that morning she tried valiantly to make lame small talk, and he went along with it, but her heart was beating so fast that she knew there was no way their conversation would drown out the sound of it to his hanyou ears. Nevertheless, when they arrived at Tama University they walked onto campus hand in hand before going their separate ways, big smiles on their faces, and when all four of them got together for lunch at Hungry Ninja Noodles an outside observer would've never been able to tell that there was a problem. During judo practice Inuyasha was just as attentive as ever, and when a few of the people from their circle that had never been against them came up to the hanyou and miko to reiterate their moral support regarding their relationship, Inuyasha and Kagome acted appropriately grateful.

When their training session was over Miroku asked Kagome and Inuyasha if they had any plans and if they'd like to have dinner with him and Sango, but when Inuyasha noticed the way Kagome's anxiety level immediately increased at the question, the miko clearly having thought she only needed to make it through school and then she'd be granted the reprieve of solitude, he bluffed his way through while they were still in public by saying that he and Kagome already had plans for the evening, the same way Kagome had lied to her mother the day before. The miko, being quick on the uptake, immediately corroborated Inuyasha's story while thanking Miroku for the offer, before covertly sending the hanyou a look that was a combination of embarrassed and grateful. She wished he hadn't noticed how skittish she was still feeling, but at the same time she truly appreciated that he'd given her an out.

Going their separate ways, then, the drive back to her apartment was filled with the sound of Inuyasha's car radio, which Kagome turned on that time, as soon as he'd started the engine. He didn't even try to talk to her until, as he walked her to her door, he wished her a friendly goodnight.

The rest of the week went by more or less the same way, each day a virtual copy of the day before it with only minor differences. Hanyou and miko hardly spoke to one another during their moments alone, but to Inuyasha, it was what Kagome wasn't saying that really spoke volumes. He'd already done his part by pretending to buy her excuse, but the fact that, while she outwardly played along, she hadn't actually been reassured because her scent still reeked of fear, told him that she hadn't bought his story when he'd claimed to buy hers. But if her story to Kikyou had been just that, a story, and she was only worried now that he hadn't believed that when she'd told him so, that was really no reason for her to act so nervous around him. Even though she wasn't acting nervous around him, keeping that smile on her face, and either making small talk or happily singing along to the radio, it was the scent of anxiety coming off of her in waves that mattered to the hanyou, not her actual behavior. While she could control herself, outwardly, she could not truly control her emotions, and they were telling him that something major was still bothering her.

Even so, it never seemed to be the right moment to try and broach the subject with her. He couldn't fully blame her for her anxiety when he always chickened out, too. Every time he dropped her off at her apartment he could pause at her doorway, tell her “We need to talk” and invite himself in, but he never did. It also didn't help that, since his conversation with Sango and Miroku last Saturday, he'd been having unsolicited fantasies about her. He'd even caught himself thinking about Kagome while jacking off in the shower more than once. While he'd made himself stop thinking about Kikyou right after their breakup, he'd always thought about, well basically nothing, except the need for release. Why that was suddenly no longer sufficient for his traitorous subconscious mind he wasn't sure, except for the obvious reason, of course.

He was in love with Kagome, fully and truly.

Maybe one day he'd be brave enough to tell her that.

When Friday finally got there Inuyasha had never been so grateful for a school week to be over. Miroku had to work, of course, so that was as good an excuse as any other for why the four of them didn't decide to go hang out together afterwards. Sango and Miroku knew that Kagome wouldn't be going to her family's shrine tomorrow, but nothing much else had really been said on the subject, so whether or not hanyou and miko were really going to do anything together for the holiday, they didn't know and they didn't ask. Sango did volunteer the information, though, during lunch, that she and Miroku had gotten themselves a fancy hotel room for the evening, his uncle having been kind enough to give him the night off even though he usually worked on Saturdays, and her father, too, giving her Christmas morning off at the family dojo.

Miroku had recently braved asking her father for permission to marry her, and much to their relief – because while they were getting married either way neither of them had wanted to be forced to go against his wishes – her father had said yes. As far as Sango's family knew, Miroku was 'popping the question' tomorrow, on Christmas Eve.

Inuyasha and Kagome both gave their friends sincere congratulations during lunch, because the truth was they were both extremely happy for the monk and slayer, despite their own current situation. As an inside joke while waiting for Kagome at the end of the day, Inuyasha jokingly promised Miroku and Sango that he wouldn't come crash their party. Miroku, in turn, told the hanyou that perhaps he, too, should make use of the holiday. He got the message, but as his ears told him Kagome was approaching he didn't respond, and greeted her at his car with a huge smile that was just as forced as her own.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Waking up Christmas Eve morning, Inuyasha didn't even feel like getting out of bed, at first, until he realized that was depression talking and so he forced himself. His mother had called him the night before, interrupting his nightly ritual for the last week of berating himself for being too chicken shit to talk to Kagome about how he felt, and what she'd had to say hadn't helped matters any when it'd became apparent she'd called to ask if he was going to be coming home for dinner the following night.

While Inuyasha supposed he could go have Christmas dinner with his parents, he didn't really feel like it. They had no idea about his feelings for Kagome, had never even been made aware that the two of them were pretending to be a couple, and he just knew there was no way he'd be able to act as if nothing was wrong in order to enjoy a nice peaceful dinner with his parents. His disquietude would be just as obvious to his father as Kagome's was to him, and even his mother, who knew him so well, would be able to tell with just a look that something was troubling him.

At least he'd been able to keep the sound of his voice happy enough during their phone call, hopefully fooling her. If she'd suspected something was bothering him she at least hadn't asked. Knowing that Sesshoumaru wouldn't be coming over for dinner, either, his full youkai half-brother being happily mated and surely spending the night alone with his wife, Inuyasha had gotten out of the invite by telling his mom he was sure the two of them were looking forward to finally having a Christmas Eve they could spend together, alone, just the two of them, now that he was grown and out of the house.

Izayoi had only expressed mild concern about her son being alone for the holiday, referencing his breakup with Kikyou last summer, but he'd assured her that that was ancient history and that he was fine. He wasn't still pining after Kikyou and he didn't mind spending the holiday alone.

At least that first part had been true.

Now, as he forced himself to go through his usual morning rituals, Inuyasha's loneliness really hit home. Tonight was going to suck. Still, it was what it was, and he knew it was his own damn fault because, hypothetically, had he braved having that 'talk' with Kagome he was supposed to have had by now, then maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't be spending Christmas Eve alone. He had nobody to blame but himself, but in that moment, he actually found himself feeling more sorry for Kagome than he was for himself. She was going to be spending tonight all alone, too, and if what he suspected of her feelings was correct, then that was tremendously unfair. It was unfair of him to do that to her.

Maybe it wasn't too late to do something about that.
- 9
- 10
- 11
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Pretending to Pretend