Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Love Me Love Me Not	By : Namiriana Category: InuYasha AU/AR > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 10157 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha nor make any profit from the writing of this fiction.

Chapter List
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Title: Love Me Love Me Not
Chapter: The Long Road to Understanding
Date: October 16, 2010
Inuyasha watched dully as Pancho continued to massage his stiff and, as of yet, unmoving muscles. He did not want to recover, he wanted to die, he wanted to disappear, and he wanted that peace of loneliness again. He would rather be the only person in the world than to be once again subjected to the tortures of the palace that he had had to call home. He wished Mother had just let him die when he had taken the poison darts during the ceremony. He had fulfilled his purpose and made sure that InuTaisho’s heir lived to his maturing and gained the standing needed to protect him from the jealousies of the council. Pancho watched Inuyasha’s face with extreme worry as he finished the massage. The petite hanyou was wearing the same defeated/resigned expression as he had when he had slit his wrists when he was just past a hundred years old. He would have to report the depression the lord of the palace because he knew that Inuyasha would need to be watched vigilantly or the white haired half-inu might succeed this time.
Should Inuyasha die, InuTaisho would never be able to live with the regret that Pancho could see that he harbored every day. The demon lord had never realized just how under his skin that the little one was and unless the DaiYoukai could realize his feelings and then convince Inuyasha of them, then he was sure that Inuyasha would find a way to succeed at erasing his existence. The children would be able to convince Inuyasha for so long, but Inuyasha knew that they would not always need him there to guide them, probably already thinks along those lines. Only InuTaisho would be able to convince Inuyasha of his need to remain within the lives that know him and love him.
“Inuyasha, you didn’t eat your meal. In order to get better, you have to eat,” Pancho pleaded gently. Inuyasha had to stay alive long enough for the wrongs to him to be corrected.
“I’m not hungry.” It was short and harsh coming from the usually demure hanyou. Pancho could only sigh with his failed attempt and pray to every deity he knew to help fix the misgivings of the hanyou before him. Inuyasha should have been loved, cherished, happy, but all he received was damnation, condemnation, cruelty, and heart-shattering pain. It made Pancho’s heart hurt to see such a pure spirited person be trampled on so much that they were driven to the point of dishonorable suicide. What was worse was the state of the hanyou’s mind. He had come to believe everything that had been said to him and he was desperately trying to get rid of the pain in the only way he knew how.
“How is he doing, Pancho?” InuTaisho asked as he watched the currently sleeping form in the middle of his large bed. Inuyasha had always looked small in it, but now he just looked absolutely infinitesimal.
“Not well. His mental has completely devolved into a suicidal state. He refuses to eat and his bodily functions are beginning to slow from what they were when he first awoke. If something doesn’t give soon, we are truly going to lose him.” Pancho turned to look the DaiYoukai in the eye. What he was about to say might lose him his place in the palace, but it needed to be said.
“What he really needs, however, is for you to get your head out of your ass. He needs to know that he is wanted by the one that is supposed to love him for his inner beauty as well as his outer beauty.” Pancho paused for breath and to gauge the reaction of the looming DaiYoukai. What he saw there both surprised and did not surprise him. The demon lord was battling himself, he expected that, but what he had not expected was to see the anger and almost disgust that crowded the older male’s features as well. This did not bode well for the sanity of the Western Lands and its surrounding neighbors.
“Is it really so bad to love him just because he was born of both worlds. We demons profess to not have the same prejudices that our ningen counterparts do and yet look at what has been done to that innocent child that is your mate. He did everything he could to make you happy that he lost what little was left of his own and yet you continued to demand more without ever giving him anything but what was expected of those lower than you. You claim to treat all of those under you with the same care, yet you blame and punish him for the miracle that Mother Nature incurred. Remember this if nothing else: by the time Inuyasha was sixty years old (about 9 human years) he was thinking, wishing, hoping, and attempting to accomplish death. What did you wish for at that age, m’lord?” With that, Pancho walked away to the leave the stern leader to digest his words. Hopefully they would be taken to heart so that Inuyasha could finally find the stability and peace needed to thrive into the wonderful, beautiful person that he could be. As of now, he was a beautiful, colored bud that Pancho was anxious to seem bloom instead of suffering a premature death that would forever lock away the unparalleled beauty that remained hidden.
Inuyasha awoke to the feeling of unnatural warmth that had suddenly engulfed his tiny frame. He opened his eyes slowly only to see the wall across from the bed, however that was not the origin of the warmth. Without regards or care as to what the source of heat was, he rolled over while half attempting to get rid of the warmth. There was no warmth, comfort, peace for him. There was only the nothingness of death awaiting him and he yearned desperately for it. What he saw stirred a small tremor of fear and surprise across his face and within the workings of his heart. The InuTaisho was lying with him and without having immediately demanded any service of him, though in his current condition he would not be able to do much. InuTaisho watched Inuyasha sleep for almost an hour before reaching a decision about what to do. He walked across the room, got in the bed, and settled himself around the small frame. He kept his arms firm, but gentle as he just held the young one to himself. It was something that he had always fought himself from doing and now he knew why. He was enjoying it for reasons other than lust and that was something that had been taboo then.
The healer had been right was the only thought that flitted across his mind as Inuyasha turned to him and showed not only surprise, but fear, fear that before the ceremony would have been a welcomed sight in his ignorance and arrogance, but now only caused his chest to tighten with guilt. Inuyasha, seeing that nothing was wanted of him, turned away and tried to scoot away from the imposing arms of his mate. The larger male, however, only tightened his arms and pulled Inuyasha closer to his large frame. The hanyou felt a nose in his hair, right behind his ear and jerked in automatic reaction. His ears were sensitive and that had always been exploited when someone wanted to see him in pain. However, the DaiYoukai just continued to inhale the scent of Inuyasha as they lay there. The moment was compromised, however, as the children came in the door.
Apparently their lessons had ended early and soon InuTaisho was forcefully, cheerfully shoved out of the way to make room for three pups that had missed their Mommy with every instinct they had. They were afraid of losing him again and InuTaisho felt another tightening in his chest as he recalled that it was mostly his fault that his pups had nearly lost the being that had taken great pains to bore them. He watched the almost apathetic response that Inuyasha showed and knew that he had a long, long, long way to go before he could make right all that he did wrong, but dammit if he was not going to try everything in his power to do so anyway.
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