Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Red Lotus	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 20114 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 7
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 10
- 11
- 12
A/N: Again, thank you for all the nice reviews. Alright, I'm sorry but Firangi will have to wait until tomorrow morning when I get back from my nightshift. I just don't have the energy . I'm sorry. Also, I've been writing sleep deprived lately. If anything seems weird, you see names you haven't seen before and it's all wobbly-wibbley...just roll with it.
This was not beta. I'm sorry. I barely re-read it... because I work long hours and I'm tired.
Red Lotus
Chapter 11: The Propulsion
Nervous: (of a feeling or reaction) resulting from anxiety or anticipation.
He never experienced that before. Why should he? He never had any reason to fear anything. He never feared people or battles. He was well aware of his strength and he knew he could come out victorious if he wished. He did not fear thus he was never nervous. To top it all off, he knew being nervous made things worst not better.
And yet there he was.
Sitting in a hospital chair, feeling nervous.
He was rubbing his skin, sometimes pacing, taking quick breaths and he had a desire to flee. Of course, while he experienced all of that, she was sitting next to him, appearing completely calm. Of course. Because he was feeling all of her nervousness. If the solution to making the bond two ways was not so undesirable, he would do it. Learning how to feel all these new humans emotions was becoming exhausting and fast.
"Do you think they'll know s-something's up?"
This was Kagome's first real check up since Sesshomaru took her home. She avoided three of them so far but she figured she could not avoid all of them. After all she was their miracle patient. She was supposed to die and in one night she went from almost dead to on her way to recovery. They could not explain it - and they never could. Obviously she did not want them to check up on her since she was recovering too well. Nobody ever healed like her. What if - what if this kind of story made the news? She did not want any spotlight on her, her family and especially not Sesshomaru.
After a while, she decided it was even more suspicious if she never came back despite their relentless phone calls. If only there was a way to make her more sick - just for a day. She had the brilliant idea to ask Sesshomaru about it and he confirmed her doubts; there was no way to do it. She thought he might be against this idea but he went along with it…because when it came to her personal life he had no personal opinions. As a matter of fact he lacked an opinion about most things.
Then again, he provided a sort of comfort when she needed it. Especially in public. Sesshomaru was who he was and she did not expect him to be anyone else.
"I hardly doubt these humans will think you magically healed. They do not know as much as they claim. They will simply call you a…" he paused, "miracle."
Great.
"You are not the first person to suddenly heal."
She hoped so because she did not need this. She did not need this stress. Although, she had to admit, she was not as much of a wreck as she thought she would be. Usually her guts would be twisted, she would play with her hands and constantly bite her lips. Instead, she felt a certain aura of calmness. That was new though she was grateful. She was terrible liar and it was probably best if she was calm for this appointment.
"Mrs. Taisho?"
For a moment, she did not move.
"Mrs. Taisho?" the nurse repeated.
Taisho. That was her. She blushed in embarrassment before getting up from her seat. She never went out so she never got used to her new name. Except during Sesshomaru's little work events, people always called her Kagome.
"Does your husband want to join you?" the nurse asked while looking at Sesshomaru.
Kagome's glance shifted towards him. Being alone would make her more nervous but she knew he had no desire to be there with her. She was not going to force him to be even more uncomfortable.
"It's- okay," she finally answered for him.
And he remained where he was. There was no real reason for him to join her. He could not provide more to the conversation. Although he did notice two weeks ago what a poor liar she was. He wondered if she could pull it off on her own. At least he was the nervous one instead of her - that would help her case.
"It won't be too long," the nurse told him with a smile.
As if it mattered.
Kagome followed the nurse inside the doctor's little office.
"Just seat here, dear and he'll be right with you."
She muttered a thank you and sat down with her purse clutched in her hands. Even though she no longer had to worry about her health, she would have a dislike for hospitals forever. This was the place she learned she was going to die. It was impossible for her to forget the helplessness linked to this location. At least once this was all done and over with, she would never have to step foot in a hospital again. She had Sesshomaru to thank for that. Though it did make her wonder about the future. It would protect her from diseases forever? Even in her old age? She would become old but stay healthy? What would she die of then? Being old?
Perhaps Sesshomaru would not mind if she asked him those questions? He was not there for her entertainment and to answer all the questions that went through her mind but these were kind of important. It was about her future. The one she was trying to have.
"Ah, Mrs. Taisho! How are you feeling today?"
Kagome's head snapped up and she looked at her doctor with a smile.
"I'm bet-ter."
"I'm glad to hear that!" He looked at her chart and then back up at her. "Indeed, it seems that your health has improved a lot since the last time I saw you." He looked at the empty chair beside her. "Did you even manage to come here on your own?"
She rapidly shook her head. "S- My husband is o-outside."
"He can come in if you'd like."
"It's okay."
He nodded and then sat down in front of her. "As you know, I wanted you to come here to do a few scans. I know you have been doing better but I just want to make sure the cancer is really leaving - or gone. You left so fast after your wedding that - we never had a chance to check up on you. This is important. Some people will often feel better and think they are cure and suddenly, it comes back and its worst. I would hate for that to happen to you."
"I agree." Too bad she could already confirm that it was not coming back. Though denying his request would be rather strange. She had to go along with it. Part of her was actually hoping there was some cancer left. Nobody healed that fast. It was almost silly; she was wishing that her cancer was still present.
"Follow me, then. We'll get you all set up."
The routine was quite fast and she was used to it. Even though it had been a while since she had to do so many scans, she did not forget the drill. It took an hour, which really was not that bad and before she knew it, they were back in his office. He tried to chat her up a bit more but she kept her answers short. She tried to act like she was more out of breathe than she really was. He seemed to buy it, then again he might have only done it for her sake.
Another hour went by before they obtained the results.
While he looked over her charts and her scans, she held her breath. Then, her heart raced when he glanced down and then up at her. And he did it a few times. Should she be worried or relieved?
"You are better," he finally said. "There are still a few white spots but everything decreased in size. This is one of the biggest, quickest improvements I have ever seen. Especially since you stopped all the chemo! I - I am at loss." He had never seen anyone recover like that without the help of any treatment. It was as if her body had suddenly decided to fight the cancer instead of itself. It was almost a miracle.
"W-white spots?" she asked clearly startled. She prayed for some cancer left but she did not actually think that after all this time…
"Oh, I am certain they will go away like the rest! Nothing for you to worry about! You should be thrilled with your recovery!"
She forced a smile on her face. "I am. It's a-a miracle."
A miracle that she was still sick. Was her fault? Maybe her miko powers were still out of whack or maybe they were preventing her from completely healing? No, no her body would want her to heal right? It would not leave her sick. No.
"Is that i-t?" she dared to ask. At that particular moment she wanted to be anywhere but there. She wanted to go home and find the safety of her bed. She wanted to be away from the hospital and away from this scent. She never noticed it before but now it was as though she was surrounded by death. She wanted none of it.
"Yes. Though, I would like to call you soon and schedule another appointment. To keep track of everything."
"Of course. It's a go-od idea." She stood up. "Thank you, Dr."
Without giving him a second glance, she walked out of his office. Everything was blurry, everything was foggy until she arrived right in front of Sesshomaru. He peeked up at her and waited but she simply shook her head. "I'm ready."
Even speaking those words seemed to kill her and he noticed. He nodded and stood up before leading the way. She remained completely silent. He did not mind and it was not unusual for her to remain quiet but there was something off. He did not know if he could sense it on her or it was because he was experiencing it as well. When they sat in the car, she struggled with her seatbelt. He could see that her fingers were shaking too much for her to complete the task. Tired of waiting, he leaned forward and buckled it for her.
As he started the car, she stared right ahead and he did not ask any questions. If she wanted to share, she would.
They were almost home when she asked her first question.
"Does it ta-ke a lot of time?"
He tilted his head to the side and waited for her to clarify.
"To heal."
This was somewhat troubling. "I am not certain." It should not. Yes, she used to be on the brink of death but - was she still terribly sick? She should not be. It was not right. Her scent was very healthy. What did that doctor tell her that caused such a shift in her mood?
"There are still spots. On my s-scans." At this point, she had to bite down on her lip to hold back tears. She did not want to cry - especially not in front of Sesshomaru but the urge was almost too much to bear.
"Spots?"
"Cancer. There are still areas with c-cancer… in my body."
"It is to be expected."
His words took her by surprise. "It is?"
"You cancer had traveled everywhere. You were mere days or weeks from your death. Our bond is not very strong."
"They will go a-way?"
"Yes."
Now, she simply felt silly for having such an outburst. "Thank you." She was tired of her weaknesses, she was tired of eating soft food and maintaining casual activities. The doctor's words made her think she would never have a life. The cancer had been such a poison in her life that she thought she might never get rid of it. As though it was going to stick around despite everything. It was an evil that could not be eliminated; that was how she saw it. It took everything from her. Even now, it stood in the way.
He simply nodded as he focused his eyes on the road. Such foolishness should not even be bothering her. He gave her what someone could call a cheering speech after their first night out. He thought that fixed all the troubles she was having. He had been wrong. Then again, he never was an expert when it came to social interactions. Perhaps she made it look like it solved all of her problems when in reality she remained plagued by those pointless thoughts.
"The nurse gave me a pamphlet for you." He removed one of his hands from the wheel and retrieved it from his jacket's pocket. He then handed it to her.
She grabbed it with both hands and looked down at it. Do you feel lonely? Do you feel like there is no hope? We can help. They thought she needed to see a psychologist?
He felt the slight flare in her aura and he had expected it. Personally, he did not care about her mental state - unless of course she was dangerous to herself. She did not seem to be and she did not appear to want to share or talk. Then again, he was feeling most of her emotions which was probably why she thought she was fine. She could go, she could not go. It made no difference for him.
Maybe she felt a little blue sometimes. Maybe some days, she did not want to get out of bed. It was not because she was depressed or because something was wrong with her. It was only because her body and mind were tired from all the fighting she had to do. Once she was healed, the rest would follow. "I don't n-eed it," she said before shoving it inside her purse.
There was nothing wrong with her head.
Everything that was wrong was her body's fault.
-R-
Quietness.
Sesshomaru had almost forgotten how that felt. For the first time since Kagome moved in, he was void of emotions. Nothing was nagging at him, nothing was weakening him. Instead, he found a certain peace. Even the bad drivers that surrounded him were not enough to put a damper on his mood. He had not realized how much he had needed to let it all go.
Before Kagome came along, he would sometimes find a secluded area in the woods and transform. Obviously he never took on his full size form because people would notice him from afar but it felt good to drop the human disguise for a while and return to his true form. He also found out that it cut the link between him and Kagome. It was ready to bet it was because they never completed it and she could not access him when he was in that state. It proved to be a much needed break. No emotions, no humans.
Obviously he was unable to stay as long as he wanted to since he could not leave her alone for too long but he welcomed the pause. Two hours was plenty. Especially since he had yet to feel all of her emotions again.
As he entered the city again, the sounds and screams filled his ears again. Yes, he was back indeed. Now that Kagome was a bit better and that he could leave her by herself for longer periods of time, he might back up his old habit again. It would help him deal with the idiots without losing his temper.
When he arrived at his apartment, everything was dark. He assumed Kagome was asleep and removed his coat. His first stop was the bathroom; after running around in mud and tress he could use a shower. He stripped and turned the hot water on. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the scorching heat. As he tried to peacefully relax he heard them; soft sobs.
There was only one other person with him in the apartment. It could only be her.
He tried to keep his eyes closed but it kept bothering him. Why in the world would she be crying? He never understood the purpose of tears and he could not see what could have happened to her in the last three to four hours that could cause her such an emotional outburst. Then again, humans were very complex when it came down to their emotions. Regardless, he felt like it was none of his business. He assumed she would rather be alone during this emotional moment and he would give her that privacy.
If only she did not have to sob so loudly.
She had to know he would hear her. By now, she was accustomed to his sense of smell and hearing. Did she want him to hear her? If so, why? She knew he was not the type to bring comfort. Although…perhaps the recent past proved him wrong. Still, he only did it because her emotions affected him as well and he tried to lessen that horrible side-effect as much as possible.
He shook his head and kept on showering. Unfortunately for him, her sobbing remained as a background noise, nagging at him.
Once he was done, he wrapped a towel around his waist and headed out. Apparently the noise was worst when he was outside the bathroom. How did he not hear it when he walked in earlier?
He kept walking towards his bedroom, still ignoring her cries. While he dried himself and got changed, his annoyance only grew. He went outside of the side and deep into the woods to relax. This was currently ruining all of his efforts. A deep sigh rolled off his lips; he would not be able to obtain some rest until he checked up on her. Not because he was concerned for her well-being but because it was annoying him.
Sesshomaru loudly closed his dresser before heading towards her bedroom. It was only getting louder and louder. He knocked. "Kagome?"
After a moment, she replied. "I'm o-o-okay."
He resisted the urge to roll his eyes; obviously not. "I am coming inside," he warned.
Sesshomaru opened the door and found her sitting up in her bed, her arms wrapped around her knees as though she was a child. He walked further into the room and she hugged her legs even tighter.
"Why are you crying?" he ask as though he was asking her about the weather.
"Soo-rry I bothered you, I'm ff-fine. Really."
This time she was not struggling to speak because of her weakened lungs but because of her weak emotional state.
"You are not."
She was humiliated that he was here. She tried to keep her sobs quiet but it was completely out of her control. She never meant for him to see her like this and she never meant to disturb him. Her heart was heavy with sorrow and she did not know how to cheer herself up, how to escape this horrible gut wrenching feeling.
"It ca-ame. All at once," she tried to explain.
"What came?" He did not have time to play this question game. Why could she not simply state what the problem was?
"Th-ese feelings. I was okay," she said while tilting her head up to look at him. "Then I was f-feeling so sad and I couldn't s-top crying." Darkness swallowed her whole and she could not escape it. She was sitting down when it snuck up on her. All of the sudden loneliness, pain and fear filled the hole inside of her and she was hopeless. Everything was hopeless.
Her feelings came back suddenly. Because he cut the bond with her. And it had yet to re-establish itself. He had no realize how much of her feelings he had taken on. Not until he looked at the mess she was. It was too much for her. She spent so long without having to feel all of it that she forgot how to be strong enough to handle it all. He did not warn her prior to doing this. Though, he was not aware his transformation would cut their bond.
Human emotions annoyed him but they seemed to be breaking her into pieces.
He had seen her before when she was at her low point and she never seemed that bad. It was as though she did not even know what to do with herself. He supposed he could not leave her in such a state. They were her emotion and she should take care of them but - gradually? He should have told her that her emotions were being transferred to him. It was all too unexpected.
He could take them back.
Sesshomaru kneeled on her bed, his knee brushing up against her leg. When she saw him tilt forward, she held her breath; what was he doing? Her question was soon answered when he grabbed both of her hands in his. For the first time, she stopped crying. The last remaining tears slid down her cheeks and fall upon their hands. She stared at him with eyes wide open, waiting for his next move. Her throat was dry and she finally began breathing again.
He did not like to grab people and enjoyed even less grabbing their hands but he felt that they probably needed a physical contact to jolt up the connection. After all, the bond was meant to be physical. After a few moments, he could tell nothing was happening. What else could he do? At this point they were already horribly invading each other's personal space although it was much worse for him than her. He already confused her, he might as well keep going until he fixed it.
Sesshomaru moved her hands up and rested them against his cheeks. Her hands went rigid and she fought his hold, keeping them slightly away from his skin. Fortunately for him, he was much stronger than she was and had no trouble breaking through her little resistant. He nearly smacked both of his cheeks as he rested her hands against his flesh. Her watched her lips part and the blush that formed right over her nose and across her cheeks. He ignored it all. Physical contact was required or he would have avoided it.
Kagome's eyes could not open wider even if she tried. She could feel her palms becoming sweaty and there was a fluttery, empty feeling in her stomach. She had no idea what he was doing and she did not dare to ask.
Time passed but the situation did not become any less awkward - at least not for Kagome. Sesshomaru appeared to be focus which she guessed was a good thing; there was a reason why he was acting so strange and out of character. She hoped that was what it meant.
He was annoyed. Though he was pretty convinced it was because of how aggravated he was that it did not work and it had nothing to do with Kagome herself. She was nervous though because he could feel the stickiness of her palms and he hated it. He took a shower mere minutes ago. Plus, he did not understand why she was reacting so strongly to their proximity. He saw her naked before. She should know by know that those things hardly held any importance to him. He was doing this so that she would stop all her non-sense and sobbing.
He came to the conclusion that it was not working, it was not enough. He never thought he would be trying this hard to get her emotions back into himself. He would need to further his knowledge about this bond. Right now, he wished to take away some of her emotions but he did not want it to always be that way. He wanted to control the flow and slowly let her handle all of her emotions. All at once was too much but him always feeling in her place would get aggravating. He never thought he would be in this situation.
Especially not with a human.
He dropped one of her hands but held on; he intertwined their fingers. He kept the other one against his cheek.
This time their gaze met and he never glanced away. He needed her to be more comfortable and less nervous. Perhaps she was the one stopping it from kicking back in again. Although…she was no longer crying. She stopped at first when he suddenly grabbed her, and he assumed it was from shock, but she never starting shedding tears again. Could it have already worked? No, that was impossible since he felt no emotions. Unless, he was becoming so used to them that he did not realize they were there. That would be problematic.
"Will you cry again?"
She frowned. "Cry?"
Oh. Right she had been crying. That was the reason why he came in her room in the first place. Now that she thought about it, she was not feeling as sad anymore. Her heart was no longer being ripped in two and although she could feel the pressure, the heartbreak and the pain she had, it did not swallow her whole. She felt a bit of warmth amidst all of the coldness. It was manageable.
"I'm okay."
He did not know if it was a good thing or if he was screwed. Perhaps it was because he was used to carrying so many of her dark emotions. And he was not as emotional and sensitive as her; it did not affect him the same. He would still look into the whole bond thing anyway he could. This was infuriating plus he hated that he lacked so much knowledge concerning it. He always figured it would be fine when the timing would be right. After all, he always thought his mate - if he ever had one - would be a youkai and that his mating would be complete. Therefore he would not be having the problems he was currently facing.
Sesshomaru released both of Kagome's hands, letting them fall on the bed. She was stunned by his actions. That was it? He was going to leave and not explain any of it? She never usually pry into his business and she let him do as he pleased because it was none of her concern but - but - she was crying, she was feeling hopeless and somehow, he managed to make some of it go away. How did he do it? And why did he touch her?
She told herself she should let him go without asking any question but when he got up, she was unable to resist the urge. She leaned forward and gently grabbed his arm. All she did was a tug a little. Usually, he would not even have bulged; she had no real strength per say. Problem was, he did not expect her to pull him back. Involuntarily, his body went back to his initial spot. Except, Kagome was closer that time. A lot closer.
Before either of them had a chance to realize what was about to happen, it happened.
Her lips on his.
His lips on hers.
It was not a passionate kiss and their lips only brushed against each other for a mere moment but - they kissed.
If Kagome was stunned and confused before, it was nothing compared to now.
She wanted to speak, to say something - anything but no words came to her. She could not even look into his eyes.
While she remained a frozen statue, he moved. He backed away from her, turned around and left. Without a word, without a glance. Once she heard the door close, she felt herself move again. How did it happen? Was it her fault? She did not mean for that to happen, she was confused, she did not understand what happened. She only tried to get an answer out of him.
Did she - did they…what.
The moment was startling.
She kissed one person before; Inuyasha. And it was very different from that. It was not a kiss…it was a peck. An accidental peck. They both knew that. They did not need to explain themselves right. That was why he left. Or maybe he left because she looked too shocked. It was okay. It was not awkward. How could it be awkward. Oh it was awkward. It was not as though Sesshomaru could ever have feelings for her and it was not like she was going to fall for him. It was just a minor physical contact.
She inhaled deeply.
It was an accident. She understood, he understood.
Kagome forced herself to lie back down. Her eyes stayed wide open and she stared at the ceiling. Her body was still warmer than usual; it was a lot of physical contact in such a short amount of time. When exactly did they apparently get comfortable around and another? It was bound to happen since they lived in the same apartment but - Sesshomaru was not a physical person.
And why were her hands tingly?
In the room across from hers, Sesshomaru was pacing. He had fast reflexes and speed. He was also calculated and observant. How did he not see it coming? How did he not stop it? Emotions. They had to be slowing him down or affecting him somehow. Such an incident would have never occurred before. It was nothing though. They were much closer when he bit down her neck and drank her poisonous blood. Their lips touched. There was nothing to it. A kiss.
He never really kissed before. He was aware of the action, he knew how it happened and why but it never appealed to him. His own mother never kissed him goodnight or whatever nonsense human mothers did. Kissing was not part of his childhood or adulthood.
There was nothing to it. He did not comprehend why people sought that action.
Except perhaps for the rush.
He could not explain it - though he was fairly convinced that it had something to do with the bond - but he felt a rush of heat in his chest. It was probably the reason why he kept pacing. After all, he was not worried about what took place. They both knew that neither of them meant for it to happen. Therefor he did not think she would imagine things that were not real. She knew he felt nothing physical - towards her or anybody else.
His life was much better that way. Physical contact was messy, pointless and he did without it for all of his life.
It was not about to change.
Though, he wished his mind would tell his body that.
As he began to feel more constricted in his pants, he glanced that. Again. The rush of heat was sending blood in all the wrong places. He did not need to feel like this, he did not want to feel like this. Kagome was not displeasing to the eye, even in her current state though she was much better before, but he never took the time and stare and appreciate her beauty. It was not something he did. Although, he could easily make the difference between someone who was beautiful and someone who was repulsive. He had his own taste and standards.
Regardless of that, he did not desire her. He respected her, what she did and her sacrifices. That was as far as he would go.
Those thoughts did nothing to ease the throbbing in his pants.
It was a mere contact, nothing more. It should not get such a reaction out of him.
He finally stopped and then leaned his forehead against the nearest wall.
This was his fault.
He should have limited his contacts with her; he knew that this could happened. Instead of kicking up the bond again, he should have let it restart on its won. Yes, her sobbing was bothersome but he could have dealt with it; he went through much worse than having to listen to someone crying. She would have stopped eventually. There was probably an overflow; he might be feeling a bit of what she was feeling.
Although that would not be good.
She was aroused - or something like that - around him before.
But no, Kagome was not attracted to him.
She could not be. Like him, she was a victim of her body's reactions.
After all, he hardly fit the profile. He was nothing like this brother. Kagome was a kind soul and she helped others. There was nothing to fix about Sesshomaru.
Nothing except the problem in his pants.
It was not going away. For a brief instant, he lowered one of his hands but quickly stopped himself. He would not stoop so low. He would not do that.
Instead, he removed himself from the wall and lay down on his bed.
Males had this predicament all the time. If they could deal so could he.
As he lay there, his mind a bit preoccupied, one thought came to mind.
He saved her from death but she might just kill him.
-R-
- 10
- 11
- 12
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Red Lotus