Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Our Past	By : Sora-Blue Category: InuYasha > General Views: 1675 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Do not own InuYasha or any of its characters. Property of this is the sole owner of Rumiko Takahashi (And Viz Media) there is no money off this or any of the works.

Chapter List
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However, Izayoi didn’t know that, so as soon as dawn would break, she left the palace. She told Kaze she would be back within a few days, in reality she was just going down to the village, she was trying to get her mind off of the forced mating, and she had been wanting to go anyways. After the first three miles of walking, she began to feel quite depressed, as being away from a mate would do, but this was worse than any old mating mark, a soulmate mark would render them more useless even more quickly.
Toga, a few hours later had been on his way to speak to Sesshoumaru when he felt the pull of his mate. His depressed mate! He paused right then in his steps. He’d never experienced something like that before! He had to find Izayoi, but for some reason he didn’t have quite the energy as he did a moment ago. So as he made his way to her door and found just Kaze sleeping in there he sighed. Where had she gone? Sniffing the air he noticed her scent was old and followed the most recent trail...out!? “Izayoi” he muttered to himself as he went out after her, obviously behind her by some time.
Izayoi would get into the village a few hours after she’d left. She moved towards the hotel, and secured a key. She just wanted to be away now, everything was just hard. She moved into the shopping district, still extremely depressed as she moved through the stalls, trying to shop.
Toga had never really felt depressed before, but he understood it quite clearly thanks to Izayoi. He had hurt her last night...and needed to apologise to her. Promptly it seemed. This wasn’t something that could just be ignored. He would go along the path still, thankfully, her scent was strong enough for him to follow it.
The Lady of the Central lands was looking at some silk,, a few tears in her eyes, she didn’t know what to say or think, and the more they were away from each other, the more she was mad at him...the more that she wanted to cry, and the more she felt like she was going to want to run away.
The more she felt that, so did he and it was painful. He even winced at one point along the way but he would continue to push, even run to follow her path. It was exhausting sure...but at the very least he should explain his terrible actions for last night. Normally, running like that was nice, he was a dog he loved to run, but it felt draining...but he would push until he could not. SO as he did so, he would come to the village where her scent was the strongest and he would get to her. They were but a few mere feet away “Izayoi” he called out to her. Being closer, felt better...surely to her as well.
Izayoi’s eyes widened. Why had he come to her? “Toga.” she said. Yes it felt a little bit better. “What is it you want?” she asked almost bitterly, her mating mark was burning. Seeing him...really just made her mad. The burning hurt...but she sighed deeply. She didn’t even really know if he cared for her after all of that.
Toga did care about her though. Really he did. “We cannot be apart Izayoi” he told her. “It is bad for our health but that is not the reason I came” he said, though a good chunk. “I wanted to apologise for last night” he said. “I know I had not said but I had entered into my mating season at the time...I could not resist. Believe me you saying no any other time would have made me stop” he said. “It is not an excuse..but I felt you should know”
Izayoi looked at Toga and she said "Well, we were apart." she sighed. Though she had felt it, the bad for their health part. "It sounds like an excuse." she muttered softly. “And I don’t know what to do with this now...I’m always going to resent this mark...this bond between us…” she whispered softly. “Because there wasn’t anything but drunkenness and force behind it.” she said. “You told me that the place where I grew up was crazy with rules against women...You’d said, that you wouldn’t let anyone force me to do anything...well…” she said, he could fill in the rest.
Toga did feel awful about it, he wouldn’t have done it in a normal circumstance. “You’re right” he told her. “I am sorry” he said. “I feel just awful about it...but if you did not receive it too it would have been worse, you were already in pain and I could and still at times cannot help myself around you. You’re captivating” he said. It could have been worse, he could have gotten her pregnant.
Izayoi sighed deeply. “I don’t know what to do about it.” she said softly. “I don’t know what to think about you, or this…” she said. “I feel like I just...shouldn’t stay, that I should take Kaze, go back home…” she said. She was just overwhelmed. “...You know…” she said gently… “I thought you were different.” she said.
Toga frowned, of course, he didn’t expect Izayoi to know about all of it surely but he needed to tell her this time, nothing could be avoided. “The further you go the worst it will be to us, eventually we will need to come together. The reason it hurt when I bit you was because our souls are linking up. Becoming, one essentially. You live off my life force now...you die, I die and vise versa” he explained. “Though, that also means you can live forever” as long as he did. “I can feel when you’re sad or upset...I understand your feelings of frustration but I do care for you...quite a lot actually”
“Do you understand?” she asked him softly. “Do you understand that you forced me to break a promise to your boy. Do you understand you forced me to mate with you when you and I weren’t ready, we were on our first date! I had told you no….and I get it, you couldn’t help it...or whatever else. But...you told me that nobody would be forcing me to do anything...I expected that kind of behavior from Takemaru...not from someone who is supposed to care for me.” she said. She sighed and looked at him. “Since we are forced to stay together, then lets go.” she said.
Actually he did. He had been mulling it over the whole time he’d been on his way. “Would you rather I had let you suffer Izayoi?” They were going to talk about this the whole way back if they had to. “To let you live mated only to me?” now that would have been cruel, and harsh on her. “I told you I would speak with Sesshoumaru about it, you broke no promises in my eyes” if that was part of what she was worried about. “If I had not made our grounds even it would have been a much crueler fate for you”
Izayoi sighed. “I would rather, we not had gotten together at all, I should have just continued to ignore you.” she said gently. Then she let out a breath. “I didn’t want you to bite me…” she said. It could have all been avoided. But then she sighed. “So what do we do now?” she asked him, wanting to get the hell off of the topic. It was just making her feel worse. “And it won’t matter if you talk to him, he will still see me badly I was trying so hard to make progress with him, help him to see me as a mother BEFORE this happened..”
Toga would simply have to explain to his pup it wasn’t in anyway her fault. He was pretty sure Sesshoumaru would understand. “We go on with it. If you wish to be bitter with me still that is your decision” the only one that would suffer would be him. At least, for her, he could try his best to remain calm about things and not push any negativity towards her. But they would head home regardless, part of the trip in silence. He was trying to think of ways to make it up to her.
Three days would pass since they’d mated to each other, three long days. Izayoi barely left her room, she refused to come down to eat, and she refused to see him. She blatantly refused to speak with him at all when he was near her, she hadn’t even spoken to Sesshoumaru, though, to be fair he hadn’t sought her out. She’d been in her room, her son taking care of his overly depressed mother since Toga had brought her home three days passed.
That day though, instead of Kaze coming in to bring her food, Sesshoumaru had come bearing a tray of food for her. He had been upset with his father too, for about a day or so. He had at first thought to blame her, after all she had said she wouldn’t but his father had continued to insist that it wasn’t anything to do with her, and for the sake of his father and Izayoi, even Kaze too, he was there. He had tried his hand at baking something, they were misshapen but he’d baked her a fresh apple turnover, with sugar spice and fresh apples. “Can..I come in?” he asked her standing there in the doorway.
Izayoi had been kind of 'flopped' onto a pile of furs. She sighed deeply she could tell it wasn't Kaze, even with her eyes closed. "Sesshoumaru..." she said softly. "You may." she told him softly. He would be able to notice that there was a bottle of sake, empty, but she didn’t seem drunk, who knows when she’d drank it. She sighed. “...are you...alright?” she asked.
Sesshoumaru would set the tray aside and bring the plate over with him as he joined her on the fur pile, resting casually be side her. HE noticed the sake bottle but he said nothing to it. “Yes” he answered her honestly “Though I am worried for you” he said. He didn't mention his father or the others, that wasn’t what was important right now. “I baked this for you”
“Don’t be worried.” she told him. “...I’m sure I’ll get over what happened.” she said, but her voice was flat. “I was worried how you would take it. Not getting your blessing, it was half the reason I told him no. But that’s none of your concern really.” he was just a puppy, she wouldn’t paint his father in a negative light to him. Though her mating mark, it wasn't vibrant anymore. It was fading.
She didn't have to, his father had already painted himself into a negative light. Both of them depressed surely had done so. “Father already told me all the details, every one” he said. “How he feels awful, and I chewed him out a bit more. It upset this one to think he would do such a thing but father is passionate. If he felt so strongly about marking you...sharing a mark no doubt” he shook his head. “Regardless...and even if it does not matter much now you have my blessing…” he said. “You saved this ones life after all, you make my father happy” he said. “You…..well you make me happy too”
Izayoi gazed at the puppy She smiled at him. “Well, I don’t know...how much it will matter…” she whispered. “The mark is fading, and..well, Kaze was a dear, and told me what will happen if it breaks.” she whispered. The weaker one died, it was just how it worked. But since they were soulmates, Toga would likely end up in pain, or dying.
Sesshoumaru knew full well too. “It’s not too late...this one would rather not lose you or father” he said. “It may seem impossible this ones supposes...and you are both very depressed it is not hard to tell” he added. “Will you not see him? He waits quite a bit, just down from you..” he needed to, or it would just be worse for Toga as well.
Izayoi sighed deeply and she looked at Sesshoumaru. “OH love...I don’t know if I can see him.” she whispered. “I don’t know if I can... “ she whispered. “I don’t know if I can forgive him...for what he did.” she told Sesshoumaru. She felt terrible that he might lose both parents. Well, her and her father.
Sesshoumaru sighed ‘You must” he said. It wouldn’t be just him that she was going to upset if she died and took his father with her. “This one would much rather you be his mother than my real one any day but you need to live in order to do that” he told her. That was right, he was referring to her as his mother and he was very aware. He couldn't’ take another change. “There are far too many who would miss you if you died”
Izayoi gasped, and groaned in pain. She put her hand to her heart. Groaning in pain, she looked at him, and she reached out, and touched his hair softly. Her heart was starting to hurt. That was really really bad. But she sighed deeply and she said “I would miss you too.” she said gently. “And Kaze.” she whispered in her soft tones. She tried to push herself up. But she couldn’t, she was much too drained, to do so.
Sesshoumaru saw that she was struggling and moving the plate quickly aside he would get up and pull her to his back. It didn’t matter that she was taller than him. “No more time to argue” he told her sternly. And making sure that he had a firm grip on her he would leave her room knowing exactly where his father was, just down the hall as he had told her. HE was not looking well either and once he reached him he would let her down gently. “Time to make up” he said to both of them.
Izayoi looked at Sesshoumaru. “Puppy...you didn’t have to do that.” she said softly. But when she looked at Toga she winced, her heart was just delivering sharp pains. It was very painful.
Toga knew she was mad, but he was feeling the same sharp jabs as she wa.s “I do not know how to tell you I am sorry for being so foolish enough” he told her. He wanted to tell her things, so many many times, but it was hard when she had blocked him out.
Izayoi looked at him and said “...I’m sorry for feeling this way.” she said in her soft tones. She couldn’t help it. How she felt. She sighed gently and whispered “I just don't...know how to forgive this.” she said. “If I did, I would have already done it.”
Toga shook his head, though she knew what he was feeling now, the reason it all started. “I do not blame you one bit for not being able to forgive me” he told her. “But no matter what happens, I am very happy and feel honored actually that I got to meet you...to get to know what a sweet, caring woman you are” and one not to be messed with either. “I would gladly die a thousand deaths by your hand..then to never had experienced that”
Izayoi nodded. At least he knew. "...Your puppy..." she whispered softly. "He's worried about us." she said. She felt some tears well up in her eyes. She moved to lean on his shoulder. “...I just hoped that you would be different, that our relationship would be different then what those other relationships were.” she said softly. “I just thought we would be different, and when we weren’t…” she said in her soft tones. “It hurt...still...hurts.” she said. “If the two of us...can’t get through this…” she whispered softly. “The pups will likely contract that illness again.” she said gently.
Toga held her close and licked her cheek. "As did I" he told her. "I envisioned quite a different scenario happening when we did mate..." he agreed. While he knew their puppies would get sick, the West, unfortunately would go on without them. “I know it hurts you...it hurts me as well..I can never erase what I have done but if you do not forgive me things will never work” they would never live. “I have not given up hope that we can make this work...not for a second. I have faith you can do the same love”
She sighed deeply and nuzzled him when he licked her. “I did too, I thought...it was going to be sweet, romantic, and...lovely…” she whispered. “And now I just fear that all I’ll ever remember...is what happened. “How can I ever forget?” she asked him, at least they were talking. She looked up at him, at least she was letting him touch her, cuddle her.
He nuzzled her and would even lick over her mark, though it was faded he still remembered and the feelings of love and passion for her from that night were flowing through him. “By letting go of the negative” he said. “It is hard to let go of things at times, but for me...I got to share something special with you even if at times it seems a curse”
Izayoi sighed, and she nodded. “I’ll try Toga.” she whispered sadly. “I just...I know that it could have been something so amazing, but for me it was just encircled with fear...and pain…” she whispered. “I didn’t feel that love or that passion after you’d bitten me...just the fear, and the pain.” she said. She wasn’t lying. “But...I guess..nn!” she said, a very sharp pain passed through her, and her eyes teared. “I I can try…” for the pups at least. if not for them.
Toga sighed and would press his lips to her softly, pressing all the love and passion he had for her into the gentle kiss. It was exhausting sure and he felt horrible, everything that she felt he did too, he was hyper aware of her feelings...sadly being so far apart had opened them up much wider than they should have been before. What else he could do for her...he wasn’t sure.
Izayoi felt it, and she shut her eyes when he kissed her. It was such a mixed feeling, but she felt tears drip down her cheeks. When they parted, she would start to cry, her shoulders moving back and forth as her body was wracked with sobs. She was getting to be too thin, depression and the refusal of eating was catching up to her. She would have loved, had it been like that. If she’d felt all that love that she was feeling then. It was rather overwhelming.
Toga would hold her as she sobbed. She just needed to let all of it out and he was about to get up when he noticed his pup had beat him to it, Sesshoumaru was already coming back with that treat he’d baked for her. Kneeling down the pup would brush away her tears with his hands “Eat” he told her gently. “This one made it full of good herbs too” they were tasteless with the sugar, but not useless. It was what he had baked her, what he had tried to bring to her to eat before. “And feel better mother”
Izayoi looked at Sesshoumaru and gave him a small, very watery smile. She sighed, still she didn’t feel like eating, but she just couldn’t say no to that face. She took the treat and kissed Sesshomaru's cheek softly, though she got her tears on him. “Thank you Sesshomaru.” she whispered. “Will you go and tell Kaze everythings going to be alright?” she asked him softly, but she took a small bite of the pastry for his satisfaction.
Sesshoumaru gave her a rare soft smile and nodded "Hai" he agreed and would get up to do so after she had take the bite. He had never lied before, and hoped this wouldn't eventually turn out as so but he was trusting her, both of them in fact to work things out. He didn’t even mind that she had gotten tears on him, he didn't wipe it away.
Toga was glad she took a bite too, even if it was a small one. “I can understand you’re not being hungry but you should eat more than that” he said. “I do not think I have seen him more enthusiastic about baking anything...ever”
As soon as Sesshoumaru had gotten out of earshot, she made a face, her tears stopped and she looked up at Toga. "Your son should never step in a kitchen without me again." she said, sticking out her tongue at least she was joking, it was a good sign. It was sweet, and she loved Sesshoumaru for the gesture, but the pastry itself was just bad. She she sighed. “I just...haven’t been hungry.” she said, not for three and a half days.
Toga sighed “How about , we let him think you ate it and I will get you something better love. You need far more than what you have had” which he wasn't sure was much, Kaze tended to come back with just as full plates. “THough...I must agree” he said with a small chuckle “It smells foul”
Izayoi nodded. “I wouldn’t let him think I didn’t like it. It’s good that he realizes when he’s not good at something.” she said. “Toga...Im...sorry that I...almost killed us this way.” she whispered softly. She was still mad, but not nearly as much anymore. “I was very overwhelmed by everything...and I didn’t want to hurt our children…” she said. “I wanted to talk with each of them about it before we did this...I still haven’t talked to Kaze.” she said, and that was odd, he’d been in there three times a day with food, all had been refused.
Toga had wondered what she was doing, he didn’t know what Kaze would simply lay on her lap and snuggle with her without talking. He would try but tended to give up easily when she refused. “Do not be sorry” he told her. “You my love, have nothing to be sorry about” he said. “You did what you thought was best and i was being the fool” he would have a hard enough time forgiving himself. “Why haven’t you talked with your pup? THat poor boy must be going mad with worry”
Izayoi looked at her mate and said "I didn't talk with anybody” she said. “He told me you told them what had happened, but we never spoke of it.” she said. “He would bring me food, I’d refuse it and he’d just lay with me. He isn’t much for confrontation.” she said. “With you is the first time I’ve spoken in days.” she whispered.
Toga nodded made sense. “I see” he said. “Do you think talking to him might make you feel better?” he asked her. Honestly he had stopped seeing too much of anyone himself, he knew how to be quiet and observe, even when his energy was terribly low. He would pull himself off the ground and pick her up. “Come lets get you some good food…” he said. “Something easy” and ditch the pastry along the way…
Izayoi nodded. “Yes, lets...find Kaze at least.” she said, but he would be able to tell that she was still planning on refusing to eat. She wasn’t hungry. “Toga can we skip eating for today please, I’m just...I want to recover from this. she said. “I’ll come for breakfast in the morning.” she said.
Toga sighed, just for that night he was planning on it. She would eat if she was not hungry in the morning. Perhaps a nutritious glass of something to get her going. He would take her back to her room and lay her down, but instead of leaving he would remain cuddling with her. He would leave her side the whole time, except of course, when she needed to get up to do private things.
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Our Past