Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

A Fool's Redemption	By : Grumblebear Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > InuYasha/Kagome Views: 23728 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Warning: Naughty bits ahead!
(yes, finally :P)

Chapter 12 – Vice to Ease the Pain

The door swung open silently, leading into an arched entryway just
a few feet long. The muted light inside was daunting —
the glass ceiling refracted the flashing lights outside, throwing
them at odd angles.

“Inuyasha?” she called softly, but there was no
answer.

Kagome took a few hesitant steps forward, her eyes sweeping the
floor. Clothing, mostly his, had been scattered all the way to the
main room. Her stomach tightened as she paused just before the end of
the short hallway. The air was
humid, moist against her skin, and the soft hiss of water spray
caught her ear. Someone had turned the shower on. There was
nothing to block her view of the room ahead, and swallowing hard, she
craned her neck to look in. A large hot tub sat on one side, its
churning waters empty.

The lights dimmed even further as she dragged her eyes to the
other side of the room. They were there, barely visible in the
unsteady light, and as her eyes focused on them, she felt her heart
lurch painfully. It looked like he was sitting between them, on a
bench of some kind. The woman who had dropped the bottle stood behind
him, her arms draped over his shoulders; the other knelt in front of
him. Kagome didn't need to look any closer. A voice in her head
screamed for her to turn and run
out, but she couldn't pull her eyes away. Swallowing hard, she fought
the urge to flee, and her
feet valiantly stayed in place as she stood peeking around the
corner, debating what exactly she should do now.

*****

Inuyasha knew he shouldn't have let these two drag him
in here. Kagome was probably mad as hell. But it was her fault he was
in here with them.

No, that wasn't fair. It wasn't entirely her
fault. If he was looking for someone to blame, he'd have to start
with himself. After all, it was his questions, his own masochistic
curiosity, that had provoked
this whole new series of problems.

It was his fault for waiting so long to confront his
past, and the consequences of it. Up until recently, he'd been
content to go on with his new life, unconcerned with anything that
had to do with his previous one. But the closer to Kagome he had
gotten, the more he found himself wondering about her view of events
from back then. That impulse had dredged up so many memories, so many
emotions and old questions that he had managed to tamp down and
silence over the years since he'd been given his freedom. Questions
that her presence would no longer allow him to ignore.

And so, he'd asked. But the answer had affected him
much worse than he thought it would. Knowing that he'd killed so
many, and what she had suffered as a result, weighed on him,
staggered him. He was ashamed. He almost wished he'd asked
sooner. If he hadn't already allowed himself to start caring for her
it wouldn't have mattered nearly as much. Being around her was so
much more difficult now, knowing what he had caused her to go
through, and actually giving a damn about it. So he'd done the first
thing that came to mind, the thing that was easiest for him. He'd
pulled away and tried to avoid her. It hadn't worked out so well.

It had been cowardly, and it disgusted him to think he
was so weak. He couldn't avoid his past —
or her, for that matter —
forever.

A deep sigh shuddered through him as the one behind him
ran her fingers across his chest. Her friend was crouched in front of
him, her arms wrapped around his waist, mouth creeping lower along
the line of his stomach. He closed his eyes, letting his head fall
back a bit.

Once he'd come to the conclusion that returning to his
old standoffish self had been a foolish idea, he'd decided to try
putting things back to the way they had been. He was fairly confident
he could — she'd forgiven him for
worse, hadn't she?

To shore up his bravery, he'd been liberal with his
drinking tonight. He knew it was still a bit cowardly, but bravery
came in stages. He could get away with using a crutch now and then.

But perhaps he'd had too much. There had been no acting
involved when he fell against her this time, though he had
enjoyed her reaction. Annoying her was just so much fun. Then that
wave of dizziness threatened to buckle his knees, and he'd gotten so
close that he could feel the warm blush rising from her skin, could
smell all the different scents on her: the shampoo she used; her
laundry detergent; a hint of perfume; and beneath all that, the scent
that was just Kagome, and nothing else. It was intoxicating. His body
began reacting almost
instantly, and he'd come very close to letting himself go. But she
responded, something he
never would have expected, and it startled and unnerved him. That one
short moment had been enough to clear his mind, to think better of
his actions, to let him push away and retreat.

His nerves had calmed quickly. It was a surprise and a
relief to know he'd been able to maintain his control, so when she
sat next to him on the bed, he'd felt confident enough —
and drunk enough — to try irritating her a bit more by
crawling into her lap. Her presence had relaxed him at first. But the
longer he laid there, the more aware of her body he'd become. Soon he
was just as stimulated as he had been standing over her. He'd started
concentrating on his breathing, taking slow, deep breaths, trying to
control the impulses and images prompted by being so close to her.
The booze didn't help any.

Then she had touched his face, and he'd nearly jumped out of his
skin.

The one at his back was pulling his hair over his shoulder now,
exposing his neck. It was the scheming of these two that had saved
him. If it hadn't been for them, he might have been undone by
Kagome's one simple touch. That's why he'd partly blamed her, even if
it was brief and unfair, for allowing himself to be dragged in here.
If it weren't for her, he never would have gotten so worked up, never
would have needed an outlet for his body's sudden frustration. These
women offered a release Kagome couldn't. At least, he didn't think
she would. Certainly not tonight, anyway.

Inuyasha shook his head to clear the thought. That was the exact
reason he had pulled away earlier. Even if she would, he wasn't
entirely sure he should. Not yet. But...just what the
hell was he waiting for?

A sharp bite at his ear pulled his attention back to the present,
and he quickly focused on the task at hand. He didn't want to take
too much time in here. After all, these two weren't really the ones
he wanted to spend his evening with.

Fingers were dragging over his chest again, caressing the most
sensitive areas in enticing circles. He could feel the contours of
the body behind him, pressed tightly against his back. The pair were
still clothed, at least partially, in their lacy underwear. He sighed
as the one between his legs began teasing him with her mouth, running
her nails low across his stomach.

He turned his eyes down and stared at the long, dark tresses that
flowed over her shoulders and down her back. This would be so much
better if that hair belonged to someone else. Without realizing it,
his mind began to wander again, and this time he was thinking only of
Kagome: the alluring way she moved when she danced; the peaceful look
of her sleeping face; the gentle, unintended sway of her hips as she
walked; the curve of her body when she bent to pull on her shoes;
that delicious scent that had filled his lungs earlier as he'd bent
over her shoulder...

Suddenly it was Kagome's hair spilling over his thighs, Kagome's
warm lips wrapped around him, Kagome's tongue sliding along his
length. The sudden flood of images threatened to push him too far,
too fast, and he clenched his teeth, struggling to maintain control
as a thrilled shudder coursed through him.

Desperate for a distraction,
he reached out and gently ran his fingers through her hair. Kagome's
hair. The color was right, though it was a little more wavy than
usual, and looked a little longer too. Maybe she'd styled it
differently tonight. He smiled as he fleshed out the fantasy, letting
his imagination take over.
He allowed his eyes to slide shut as her tongue rubbed against his
skin, sending tiny shivers of delight through his veins.

With his eyes closed, his mind
was free to loose itself
in reverie.
Soon, there was no more body behind him, no woman in his lap
who's name he vaguely remembered. There was no more press of lips and
teeth at his neck, and the mouth between his legs now belonged to
someone much more exciting. The other two had completely faded away.
It was just himself and
Kagome now. He envisioned every part of her, every curve, every inch
of her body laid out before him, and he gripped the edge of the
bench, desperate to reach out and touch that skin, knowing that the
real thing would feel so much softer and warmer than he could ever
imagine.

The fantasy began to
run wild. In his mind, it was no longer just Kagome's mouth devouring
him, it was her body as well, rising and falling over him, pulling
him deeper with every pass. Both images were equally exhilarating; he
couldn't decide which one to focus on. Eager hands trailed up his
thighs to join the mouth pleasuring him, and his muscles jumped
uncontrollably beneath her fingers, making his jaw flex in
frustration. His body was ready for it's release, but he didn't want
to let go yet. He wanted to savor this small bit of intimacy with
Kagome, no matter how unreal it was.

But the images assaulting his mind were too enticing, too potent.
Instead of fight it, he gave a resigned sigh and let his body have
its way. The moment he released that last bit of control, his
orgasm surged down his spine in a sudden rush,
flowing through him in trembling waves. His frame tightened
and strained forward as the sensation rolled and pulsed through him,
and with a desperate moan, Kagome's name escaped his lips.

It was all he could do to keep himself upright as he fought to
regain his breath, the two women with him slowly creeping back into
his consciousness. The one between his legs shifted to one side and
laid her head on his thigh, rubbing her cheek against his skin.

“Did you like that?” she asked, her voice a salacious
purr.

“Be quiet,” he muttered, concentrating, keeping his
eyes tightly closed. He wasn't ready for the fantasy to be over with,
wasn't ready to let the Kagome in his mind slip away. Not just yet.

*****

He was so beautiful.

That was the only thing Kagome could think as she stood there
watching. Amazingly, that thought was even stronger than the
suffocating ache in her chest. She had no misconceptions about his
recreational habits, knowing very well what went on during these
escapes into the shadows of his terrace. But it was one thing to be
aware of it and another thing entirely to see it for herself.

She was a bit irked that he had wandered off so quickly
after his earlier affections —
alcohol induced or not. But she couldn't be angry at him for
indulging the pair of women. After all, this kind of thing was normal
for him; it just happened to be less of an occurrence lately. The
only difference this time was her misfortune in having to see it.

Even so, she knew she was reacting with way too much tolerance.
Shouldn't she be offended?
Repulsed? Running?
Anything but standing here staring. But as soon as her eyes focused
on him, every other emotion spinning through her mind was instantly
scattered. She couldn't pull her eyes away, completely captivated by
the way his body tensed and shivered beneath the women's attentions;
the lascivious concentration on his face; the way his eyes would
flutter open every now and then, catching the light and flashing
gold.

And then his body bowed forward as the woman in his lap drove him
over the edge, his features strained with a mix of ecstasy and pain.
Some word forced its was past his clenched teeth, but his hair
spilled over his shoulder then, hiding his face from view. She didn't
catch the word; the combination of the resonant music from outside
and the drumming of running water had drowned it out.

She stood transfixed as he tried to steady his breathing, his head
hanging forward, chest heaving from exertion.

The girl between his legs said something, but Kagome didn't catch
that either. Her attention was suddenly drawn to the figure at
Inuyasha's back. The woman stood frozen behind him, staring at the
side of his face, her hands gripping his shoulders. Her red eyes were
suddenly bright, focused, excited — like
the eyes of a cat that had just stumbled across a wounded bird. It
wasn't the kind of look one would give a lover; it was predatory.
Kagome frowned, disturbed by the expression.

The woman's gaze strayed away from him, turning thoughtful and
drifting absently toward the entryway. Kagome suddenly realized she
was perilously close to being spotted, and even as she ducked back
behind the corner, she knew she'd been too slow.

“Who's over there?” a
female voice demanded.

Hesitantly, Kagome peeked into the room. All three of them had
turned their attention in her direction. “It's just me,”
she said, her voice thick with embarrassment.

Inuyasha's eyes were suddenly wide, horrified. Even in the
half-light, she could see that the color had drained from his face.
He shoved the girl away from his lap, a bit too forcefully, and
scrambled to cover himself.

The woman behind him watched his reaction, then turned a curious
stare to Kagome. Her brows lowered and the corners of her mouth
pulled up into an amused smile.

“My! Your assistant seems to be a bit of a voyeur,”
she said coyly, tightening her arms around Inuyasha's shoulders, her
gaze locked onto Kagome, as if fascinated by her. “What was her
name again?”

“Shut up, Kagura,” he snapped in a low, warning tone,
keeping his eyes turned down,
away from the entryway.

“I wasn't watching! I've only been here...for a moment...”
Kagome defended herself weakly. “I knocked, but no one
answered.”

“What do you want, Kagome?” he asked, his voice harsh.
He still wouldn't look at her.

She had to swallow once before she could answer. “The King
wants to see you.”

Inuyasha's chest was still heaving as he nodded. “Fine,”
he said quickly, dismissively.

Kagome didn't wait for anyone to say anything else, turning on her
heel and fleeing to the door. She burst back out onto the terrace,
letting the door swing shut behind her. The terrace was already
cleared of all of Inuyasha's previous guests. The only person
remaining was her uncle, who had helped himself to a drink and now
sat lounging at one end of the long couch.

“That took a while,” the older man said as she
approached. “Is everything alright?”

She forced her face into an expression she hoped would look
normal.

“Yeah. He'll be out in a moment,” she said.

Evidently she hadn't been as careful with her expression as she'd
thought — he raised a suspicious eyebrow
at her.

“You sure everything's okay? You look
a little upset,” he commented, frowning slightly.

She smiled at his concern. “I'm fine.
Really!” she insisted, sitting next to him. “How are you?
It's been a while since we talked last.”

His eyes narrowed, still suspicious, but
instead of pursuing the issue, he allowed the change of subject,
answering her question and settling into an easy conversation.

Kagome was glad he'd let himself be so
easily distracted. With everything that had happened so far tonight,
the last thing she wanted was to get into a discussion about Inuyasha
with the one person who was the closest thing to a father-figure she
had left.

“Did you hurt yourself?” he
asked suddenly, interrupting their conversation. He was looking down
at her hand. Kagome followed his stare and found one of her fingers
streaked with dried blood. She blinked in surprise and held up the
hand to get a closer look.

“I guess so,” she murmured. “I
cleaned up some glass earlier. It must have—” Her voice
cut off as the women emerged from the shower, once again fully
clothed. They each gave a little greeting to the King as they headed
quickly toward the door, the one with the red eyes flashing Kagome
another curious glance as she walked past. The older man nodded
graciously at them as they hurried by, but his lips were set in a
tight line. Once they were gone, he turned concerned eyes back to his
niece.

“You should have told me they were in
there, Kagome. I could have gotten him myself. I didn't mean for you
to—”

Damn
it, she thought. Now he was going get upset. “It's
okay,” she interrupted, holding up her injured hand and forcing
a smile. “I should go take care of this before it starts
bleeding again.” Before he could continue, she stood and headed
toward the mini-bar. There was a first-aid kit in a cabinet under the
sink that she could use to clean herself up.

She opened the cabinet door and rummaged
around for a moment before her hand found the kit. As she stood and
placed it on the counter, the sound of the shower door opening and
closing met her ears. Inuyasha passed behind her without a word, and
headed quickly toward where the king still sat on the couch. She
realized her body had stiffened as he'd walked by, and she let out a
long breath, turning her focus to the task of wrapping her finger.
She rinsed the dried blood and inspected the cut. It wasn't deep, but
the glass had sliced the skin just enough to make it bleed like hell.
She hadn't even noticed when it happened. Maybe her anger had made
her careless, and numbed her to the pain in the process.

By the time she finished, Inuyasha and her
uncle were already deep in conversation, so she quietly headed out to
the landing at the top of the terrace stairs, closing the large
double doors to give them some privacy. Her bench was still there,
even though she rarely had reason to use it anymore, and she sat with
a heavy sigh, letting her head fall back against the wall. Now that
she was aware of it, the wound was beginning to ache, and she flexed
her fingers absently. The lights above had warmed and taken on a
soft, lovely blue-green hue. It had a calming effect, and suddenly
she felt exhausted.

She tried closing her eyes, but that didn't
do much good. Images from the shower instantly flooded her mind,
forcing her eyes back open to stare out across the cavernous hall.
Even though she hadn't been able to pull her gaze away from him at
the time, she didn't really want to remember any of it right now. She
wished there was some way to just shut her brain off for a while.

Time
seemed to creep by at a maddeningly slow pace, though it might have
just been her dread at having to face Inuyasha after what had
happened that made it seem that way. But only twenty minutes
had passed when her uncle opened the door and walked out onto the
landing. He paused to give her a long glance, his eyes full of
apology and empathy. She realized that he'd put all the pieces
together on his own — she highly doubted Inuyasha had told him
anything — and even though he didn't know the details of what
had happened, he sympathized with her. Without a word, he continued
down the stairs, and Kagome stood, staring after him as he left.

Finally, she reluctantly turned back to the
open doors. Inuyasha was still sitting where her uncle had left him,
one arm slung over the back of the couch, his face turned to stare
out across the hall as if lost in thought. He seemed to notice the
moment she began to approach, stiffening almost imperceptibly. Before
she could get any closer, he suddenly stood and marched toward the
doors.

“Let's go,” he muttered as he
passed.

Assuming he meant they were leaving for the
night, she quickly followed, closing the doors behind them and
trailing him down the stairs into the mass of people below. He
maneuvered easily through the crowd and headed straight toward the
elevators, managing to brush off the few people who tried to stop him
as he charged forward. He probably would have paced in the elevator
as well, but settled for just tapping a foot impatiently as the glass
cage ascended through the near-darkness. Kagome did the best she
could to ignore his agitation. She wasn't really sure how to deal
with him in this state, and it didn't seem he was in the mood to talk
things out anyway.

He continued his march into the tower atrium and all the way to
the second elevator, the one that would take them back up to his
apartment. He barely waited for her to step inside before he mashed
the button for the top floor, sending them quickly on their way up
the side of the tower.

Kagome assumed they would spend this trip the same way as the
last, in total silence, but he startled her by suddenly asking, “What
happened to your finger?” He kept his face turned down as he
spoke.

She stared at him in surprise, and then looked at the bandaged
hand. “I just cut myself cleaning up the glass. No big deal,”
she shrugged.

“Sorry. I should have helped you,” he mumbled.

“You wouldn't have been much help. You could barely stand up
straight,” she teased, trying to lighten his mood. It didn't
appear to work. Neither one spoke for a few moments.

“I'm sorry,” he said finally.

“Really, it's okay. It's just a tiny cut.”

“That's not what I...” he trailed off as the elevator
slid to a halt halfway up the tower. The doors opened, revealing a
young blonde woman on the other side. Her eyes lit up excitedly when
she saw Inuyasha, and she sauntered into the elevator toward him.

“Good evening, Inuyasha,” she cooed, sidling up to
him. “On your way home already?”

He glanced down at her, his face carefully neutral. “Yes,”
he answered.

“Would you like some company?” she offered, raising up
on her toes to whisper something in his ear, too low for Kagome to
hear.

Inuyasha looked as if he were struggling to keep from making a
face. Instead, he gave a small smile. “Not tonight, but thank
you for the offer,” he replied diplomatically.

The elevator came to a stop again just a few floors higher. “Maybe
some other time, then,” the girl said, running a hand down the
front of his shirt as she moved away from him. With a little wave and
a smile Kagome assumed was meant to be charming, she walked out.

As the doors closed and the elevator continued its climb up the
side of the tower, he tossed Kagome a sideways glance.

She was very careful not to let the distaste that had settled on
her face during the encounter with the blonde show, making her
expression as pleasant as possible.

Inuyasha raised an eyebrow at her and then leaned back against the
railing, letting his head fall forward once again, hiding his face
beneath a curtain of white hair.

“How the hell do you do that?” he sighed.

“Do what?” she asked.

“Pretend that you're okay with everything.”

“Pretend?” She struggled to keep her voice mild.

“Yes, pretend!” He snapped angrily and turned away.

An uncomfortable silence stretched out between them, until he
turned his face back to her,
still refusing to raise his eyes as he spoke.

“Before she came in, I going to say...I was sorry, for you
having to see...that. Earlier.”

Her face heated a bit. “You don't have to apologize for
that.”

He made a small sound of frustration and was suddenly irate again.
“There you go again! Should I not apologize? Should I be like
you and act like it didn't happen? Just smile and pretend it doesn't
bother me just as much as it bothers you?” The words spilled
out in an angry rush, his tone cutting.

She was too stunned by his small outburst to answer right away.
There were too many implications in that sentence; she didn't know
which one to respond to first. Her mouth opened, closed, opened
again, but no sound came out.

“What do you mean by that?” she finally managed to
ask, her voice breaking on the last couple of words.

He scowled. “Cut the crap, Kagome. You're not fooling
anyone.” The elevator arrived at the top floor then, and
Inuyasha stormed out, squeezing between the doors before they had
finished opening.

She stared through the open doors, until they began to close
automatically. Lunging forward to place a hand between them, she
moved into the hallway and turned toward the apartment. He was
already there, heading inside without waiting for her.

'Should I be like you... smile and pretend...' his
accusations echoed in her head as she started down the hall. 'You're
not fooling anyone.' She cringed. It looked like he'd finally
caught on to her indifferent act, finally realized that she was far
more affected by some things than she let on. There would be no more
hiding behind her pleasant mask.

Kagome trudged into the dark apartment and up the stairs with
heavy feet, like a child who'd been caught in a lie and now had to
confront an angry parent. He was already kicking off his shoes when
she walked into the pool of light created by his bedside lamp. He
stood quietly, as he did every night when he was sober enough to
stand, his back to her, waiting for her to begin undressing him.
Pulling in a deep breath, she stepped in front of him and started
unbuttoning his shirt.

“I was bothered by it,” she admitted quietly.

Inuyasha's head tilted toward her a bit, but he still wouldn't
look directly at her.

“The truth this time?” he asked.

“Yes,” she nodded. “You're right. It bothered
me. But I was the one who walked in on you. It was my fault. So you
don't have to apologi—”

“Stop,” he cut her off suddenly, brushing past her and
walking to his bed. He sat heavily and finished undoing the rest of
the buttons on his shirt, but didn't pull the fabric from his
shoulders. Slowly, his movements came to a stop, and he leaned
forward, propping his elbows on his knees, looking as if he were
weighing some decision in his mind.

“Yes, I do,” he said finally. “And it's really
hard for me. So, please, just be quiet for a few minutes, okay?”
He turned his eyes up to her imploringly.

It was the 'please' that did her in. Pressing her lips into a thin
line, she gave a small sigh of resignation. She nodded once, and the
tension in his face eased for just a moment.

But it was back again in an instant as he lowered his eyes to the
floor, searching the tiles at his feet as if they held some bit of
comfort he needed. When he spoke again, the words came in fits and
starts. “I don't even know...how to begin...I've never...I...”

He shook his head, pulled in and released a shuddering breath, and
then suddenly the words began pouring out. “I'm a jerk, okay?
That night you told me what happened after you got me out of the lab,
everything you said to me — I
didn't know what to do with it. I didn't know how to react. I
just...I felt bad about what'd happened. And it was hard to be around
you. It was uncomfortable. I didn't know how to handle it, so I
just...”

He stopped, seeming to realize he was rambling, and took another
deep breath before continuing, this time in a more controlled tone,
“I ran away. But it was either that or,” he paused, as if
embarrassment kept him from finding the right words, “you know,
find a physical distraction. It's easier to just keep trying to
ignore the feelings, or...chase them away with other things.

“That's how it's always been for me since I came here.”
He shrugged. “I wanted to forget about the lab. I wanted to be
normal, like everyone else here. But things moved so fast. I
got so caught up in my new life that I never dealt with the old one.
I just kept ignoring it, like it never happened.

“This place gave me more than enough distractions.” He
hesitated again for a moment, uncertainty and embarrassment crossing
his features. But after a nervous swallow, he continued. “At
first, I wasn't really comfortable with being touched, but I thought
that if I forced myself, maybe it would get easier, so I
started...joining them. And it did get easier. I enjoyed the
attention. I felt needed and wanted —
normal. At least, that's what I thought was normal.

“That's how I discovered I
could use them for my own escape. The memories...are easier to forget
in their arms. But I realized after a while that it was all just
empty affection. None of them ever meant anything to me. I've used
them as much as they've used me.”

“Inuyasha,” she said softly, trying to interject. She
didn't want him thinking he owed her an explanation. “You
don't—”

But he cut her off with a pointed look, and she closed her mouth
once again, resisting the urge to huff in frustration.

“By the time you arrived, I was already starting to realize
that all the distractions and all the running away wasn't working
anymore, but I couldn't figure out why. Your uncle told me, when I
first found out you were here, that I needed to deal with my past. He
said I'd stopped moving forward. I wouldn't listen to him, so we
argued. It was the first time we'd ever done that. And since I lost
the argument, I ran away and...kept running for a while. You know how
the rest goes from there. The point is...”

Inuyasha paused, dropping his eyes to the floor as they filled
with tired frustration.

“The point is, I don't want to be like that anymore. I'm
tired of running away all the time.” He rested his forehead in
his hands, hiding his face from view. “So what do I do now?”
The question came out as a desperate whisper, more to himself than to
her.

She stared down at him for a long moment. His pain and confusion
hung thick in the air, almost tangible, and it stabbed at her,
wrapped around her like it was her own. Her vision shimmered, and she
blinked before the tears could spill over. The urge to comfort him
was suddenly overwhelming. Without a second thought, she stepped
forward, three quick steps, her pulse climbing into her throat as she
stopped before him, his face still hidden in his hands. Gently, she
wrapped her arms around his head, pulling him against her stomach.
His body froze beneath her, and she heard him suck in a surprised
breath. But he didn't pull away.

“Move forward,” she said.

Inuyasha remained silent and stiff against her, not responding.

It seemed like hours passed before he finally spoke. “I
can't. What if I something goes wrong?” he asked in a harsh
whisper.

Kagome's answer was simple. “Then you deal with it, learn
from it, and move on.”

He was quiet again for a long time. She couldn't even feel him
breathing.

Eventually, he sighed and dropped his hands from his face, leaning
his forehead against her stomach. “Damn it. Where the hell does
all your courage come from?” he grumbled. “You should
be angry at me! It's my fault those people came after you, my
fault you're stuck here. You risked your life to save mine, and I
repay you by living with my head half up my ass. It's pathetic.”

“I don't think so,” she disagreed softly. “You
just never knew any other way to be. And I couldn't be angry at you,
Inuyasha. It wouldn't be fair to blame you for the consequences of
something I chose to do on my own. You asked me if what I went
through was worth it, for your freedom. And I already told you it
was. I meant that. It was all worth it, even the unhappy parts.”

A slight shudder shook through him as he released a deep breath.

“And I'm not very courageous. I'm just stubborn,” she
added, smiling down at the top of his head.

He snorted. “I won't argue with that,” he said, his
mood obviously lightening a bit.

She considered pinching one of his ears for that, but decided
against it as he reached up to wrap his arms around her waist,
pressing his face into the fabric of her clothing. There was nothing
sensual about the embrace. It was a gesture of comfort,
like being held by a scared child.

Kagome ran a hand over his silvery hair. “I'm sorry it's
been so hard for you.

“But, I think my uncle's right, Inuyasha,” she said
carefully. “It's like you've stopped growing, now you're
just existing. There's nothing you can do about what happened in the
past, but you can't just forget about it or ignore it, either.
Especially when you've carried the pain this far. Nothing's going to
change unless you start letting some of it go.”

The silence settled between them once again, pensive this time,
no longer awkward and uncertain.

After a minute, he sighed. “I've wasted so much time,”
he said quietly.

Her voice was thoughtful as she gently threaded her fingers
through his hair. “Maybe you should think of it this way.
Instead of time wasted, it's time learned.”

He waited for her to explain, turning to press his cheek against
her stomach.

“I think,” she continued,
“one of the hardest parts of a journey is figuring out which
way to go. Even if you don't know which direction is the right one,
once you realize which way you don't want to go, finding the
direction you should go is that much easier.”

“Learn from my mistakes,” he agreed quietly.

“Not just mistakes. Everything. Your experiences. Your life.
Learn from the good and the bad. Accept it, learn from it,
and...” she trailed off, waiting.

“Move forward,” he finished the sentence.

A relieved smile spread across her face as she heard the
understanding in his voice, and she had to fight the urge to wrap her
arms tighter around him.

Inuyasha turned his forehead to her stomach again, unwinding his
arms from around her waist and sliding his hands to her hips, and
pushed her back slowly. He stood, only an arms length away from her,
and she could finally see his face again. He looked weary, but more
at ease than he had in a long time.

He held her eyes with his own for a moment, and then turned away.
“I need to go take a shower,” he announced, releasing
her.

“Again?” she asked as he brushed past, heading toward
his bathroom.

“Yes, again,” he answered without turning. Only when
he reached the door did he pause and look back at her.

“Kagome.” He hesitated, seeming to have lost the words
he needed. It took him a few seconds to find them once again. “About
what happened earlier. I...I never wanted you to see that. I'm
sorry.” His voice was fierce with sincerity as he spoke the
last two words.

The irony of his sudden apology wasn't lost on her. After all,
this whole 'assistant' thing had started as a way for her to make
amends to him, as a way to earn his forgiveness. And now, here
he was asking the same thing of her, without any unreasonable demands
or threats on her part. She should have pointed that out. She should
have thrown it back in his face. She should have done any number of
things besides give him what he wanted.

Instead, she did the only thing she could do. “I forgive
you,” she said. It hadn't really been his fault, but she knew
she wouldn't be able to convince him of that.

He stared at her for a moment, as if waiting for the catch, but
she didn't offer one. He nodded with relief.

“If...” she added suddenly. She couldn't help having a
little fun with it. “You make an oath to me.”

“Okay,” he said, turning toward her, his face earnest.

She faltered, not
having expected him to go along with the idea. “I'm just
kidding, Inuyasha.”

“No, really,” he insisted. “Make me swear
something to you. It's...” he hesitated for a moment, his eyes
falling back to the floor. “It's only fair, after all.”

His chagrin threw her for a minute, and she struggled to come up
with something that he wouldn't be able to take too seriously. Humor
suddenly provided the spark she needed. “Alright. Promise that
you'll try not to run away anymore. And...” she paused, placing
her hands on her hips, twisting her expression into a playfully
haughty smile. “That you'll always try to be as brave as me.”
She saturated the last part with mock bravado, hoping he would take
it as the joke it was meant to be.

A smirk pulled at the corners of his mouth. “Don't you mean
stubborn?” he countered.

Her mouth fell open, the bravado melting instantly into a shocked
expression that would have been more convincing if she hadn't been
fighting a grin at the same time. Her eyes searched for something to
throw at him, but he had already ducked into the bathroom as if
expecting the violence, pulling the door closed behind him.

“It's an oath, then! Goodnight, Kagome!” he called
through the crack before shutting it completely.

She stared at the door for a moment before finally giving in to
the smile, letting it settle easily on her face. Her entire body
instantly felt lighter, like a burden lifted. The soft, muted hissing
of the shower met her ears as she turned and headed into the darkness
of her side of the loft, considering whether or not she should sneak
in and flush his toilet to disturb the hot water flow.

But she decided to let it go. He'd probably suspected something
like that, and locked the bathroom door, just in case.

*****

The water was hot enough to burn, filling the entire
bathroom with steam. Inuyasha scrubbed and scrubbed until his skin
was a fierce shade of red, almost bleeding in some places, the pain
telling him he was probably causing damage. Or at least what would
pass for damage if he had a normal body. Any injury he caused would
more than likely heal completely within a day or so. The only thing
that mattered now was getting clean.

He scrubbed every single
inch of skin, even the more tender, delicate places, willfully
ignoring the pain. He wanted to remove all traces of the hands he had
allowed to touch him, scrape all memory of their numbing affections
from his body. He didn't need them anymore, didn't want them. The
only thing he wanted was the purpose —
the direction — that had suddenly opened up
before him. Things would be different now. Things would be better.

Kagome was so patient, so
understanding and strong. And yes, stubborn. But that wasn't always a
bad thing. They'd come this far because she had been so
stubborn in the beginning. If she'd let him have his way and left him
alone, nothing would have changed. After all she had done for him, he
owed it to her to try to make the most out of the life she had
sacrificed so much to give him.

His skin was still glowing
painfully from all the attention as he stepped out of the shower and
walked to the mirror. He leaned over the sink and raised a hand,
wiping the condensation away to reveal his reflection, and forced
himself to stare down his own gaze for a long time.

“You will not fuck this up,” he ordered,
speaking each word carefully through his teeth. He gripped the
counter and took a deep breath, calming his trembling nerves. As much
as he wanted to, he knew he couldn't go rushing into this. Not if he
wanted to do things right. And he would do things right this
time. There was just too much to loose if he didn't.

*****

“God. I'm not in the mood for this crap tonight,”
Inuyasha complained under his breath as he and Kagome walked down the
long curving hallway that ran the perimeter of the main tower's top
floor.

Kagome sighed deeply, trying
to make it clear without words just how annoying his grumbling was
becoming. He either didn't notice her effort or didn't care.

“We're not staying long, got it?” he
growled at her.

“You're the boss,” she shrugged. “But
it is kind of a big occasion. You should at least try to stick
it out for a while.”

He responded with another
growl.

Kagome stared at him from
the corner of her eye as they walked, trying to figure out what it
was about this event that he detested so much. He'd never put up this
much of a fight about attending a party before. She opened her mouth
to ask what the problem was, but thought better of it. Best not to
push him. Not even a full twenty-four hours had passed yet since the
previous night's events. And if his attitude was any indication, he
was still feeling just as emotionally raw as she was.

A few yards ahead, the large
double doors leading into the observatory were already swung wide
open, the sounds of laughter and music drifting out into the hallway.
Kagome expected him to hesitate before walking in, but to her
surprise, he charged forward, as if eager to get the ordeal over
with. It didn't take her long to understand why he had been so
reluctant to attend the party. Before he even made it past the
entryway, he was rushed by several people, all chattering at him at
once, demanding his attention, pulling him this way and that.

For one quick moment, he
glanced back out the door as if preparing to run. But instead, he
took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and turned on the group
with a judicious smile. “Sorry, guys. I'm not really in the
mood for company right now. I think I'd like to be on my own
tonight,” he announced gently but firmly, holding up a hand at
the sounds of protest that followed. “And I'm not staying long,
anyways,” he added with finality.

Kagome stared up at him,
impressed with his sudden shift from surly to tactful. Normally, he
didn't bother trying to hide the fact that he was in one of his
moods, or try to spare anyone's feelings in the process. He would, as
impolitely as possible, tell them to leave him alone, always using
offensive words for emphasis. This new tactic seemed to work much
better, though. It was obvious from the easy air that still
surrounded them that no one was taking his evasiveness personally.

Slowly, the small crowd
began dispersing, but even as it did, a new one was approaching.
“Should only have to do this about twenty more times tonight,”
he grumbled, so quietly that only Kagome could hear. His hand
suddenly wrapped tightly around hers. “You insisted on coming
tonight, so you're going to suffer through it with me,” he
said, flashing an obnoxious grin.

She rolled her eyes as he
dragged her forward to face the next group.

As it turned out, he only
had to give his small avoidance speech a total of seven times before
people finally began giving up on getting his attention. Kagome used
the time to gaze around the glass-domed room. The
huge observatory took up a fourth of the top floor of the main tower,
and had two levels, the smaller second level overlooking the bottom
floor like a balcony. High overhead, a giant spherical grid of
iron, four stories tall at its highest point and set with massive
glass panels, provided a sweeping view of the night sky above.

She had been in here a few
times before, but only during the daytime, never at night. As they
walked further into the observatory and out from under the overhang
of the upper floor, Kagome couldn't help staring up in wonder.
Millions of stars flickered at them from beyond the glass, the
colorful lighting in the room kept low enough to let nature provide
most of the atmosphere. One might think that, after seeing the
fantastic images created in the air of the underground hall, the real
thing would pale in comparison, but for Kagome it had the opposite
effect. After staring at man-made stars night after night, the real
sky always seemed so much more vivid and tangible. It was the same
feeling she got when she stood in front of the massive windows of
Inuyasha's loft. No matter how amazing the created images of the
underground hall were, nothing could beat the real thing.

Eventually, her neck began
aching from being pitched back for so long, and as Inuyasha continued
deflecting one group after another, she turned her eyes across the
rest of the observatory. It was crowded, but not so much that it was
difficult to move around. Everyone, including herself and Inuyasha,
were dressed entirely in black, in honor of the person whose birthday
was being celebrated. The decorations were minimal, and the music was
a relaxing blend of downtempoed and seductive beats, kept low enough
that it was easy to carry a conversation.

Finally breaking out of the
main crowd, Inuyasha let out a huge sigh and led her to the edge of
the room, where the floor of the observatory abruptly ended and the
glass dome began. To anyone else, standing so high up with nothing
but glass between them and a sixty-story drop might have been
unnerving. But Kagome, who had spent so much time at the widows of
Inuyasha's loft, found the view exhilarating. She walked up to the
glass and stared out over the starlit expanse of land that surrounded
the city

On this side of the tower, the mountains in the
distance were much smaller. From the gentle white glow slowly
brightening the sky behind the mountains, she could tell the moon was
about to rise. She was so busy enjoying the view that she almost
didn't notice as Inuyasha joined her at the glass, grumbling again.

“Easier than I thought it would be,” he
muttered, and gave her another sly grin when she looked up at him. “I
almost told them I already had a date for the night, but then they
might have started giving you a hard time,” he said playfully.

She raised an eyebrow at him, unsure how to respond,
but before she could consider it further, a figure suddenly appeared
at Inuyasha's back and grabbed his shoulder.

“There you are!” came the impatient sound
of Kouga's voice as he spun Inuyasha to face him. “I've been
waiting for you to get your ass here.” He turned his eyes to
Kagome and grinned admiringly. “Lookin' good, babe!” he
said with a wink.

Fighting a warm blush, Kagome smiled and replied with a
small “Thanks.”

Even in the subdued light, Inuyasha's annoyance seemed
to radiate from him. “What do you want, Kouga?” he
practically snarled.

Kouga didn't appear to notice his sudden irritation.
“You have to help me with something,” he answered.

“What something?”

“Gotta give the birthday boy his big present.
King's insisting on making a show of it. Come on,” Kouga
replied, turning as if to head back into the crowd.

“No way,” Inuyasha said, crossing his arms.
“I'm not getting anywhere near the spotlight tonight. I'm
staying right here in the shadows.” His expression was defiant.

Kouga rolled his eyes. “Quit being a jack ass,
Inuyasha. It's the guy's birthday. It won't kill you to play along
for a few minutes.”

Inuyasha opened his mouth to continue arguing, but
Kagome reached over and gently touched his arm. “Go ahead. It's
his birthday, after all,” she said.

“I'm not going to leave you here alone,” He
insisted, frowning down at her.

She gave his arm a little push. “I'll be fine,
Inuyasha. Go humor my uncle. I'll be right here when you're done.”

He hesitated for a moment, staring down at her, then
huffed and gave Kouga a sour look. But instead of continuing to
argue, he hunched his shoulders and stomped after the other man.

She watched them go with a satisfied smile, glad he
hadn't put up more of a fight. Left with no one to talk to and not
wanting to appear awkward standing all by herself, she turned back to
the window and found that the moon was finally beginning to appear
behind the mountains.

Once again lost in the view, she didn't notice that she
was no longer standing alone until a low, smooth voice said, “Ah,
there you are.”

She looked toward the sound of the voice and found
Naraku standing next to her, very close, an inviting smile resting
easily on his lips. “I hoped I would catch you alone for a
moment tonight,” he said. Kagome was speechless under his warm
gaze for a moment before finding her voice again.

“Naraku! Happy birthday!” she exclaimed,
smiling up at him.

He chuckled —
a rich, effortless sound. “Thank you, Kagome.” The
sound of her name coming off his tongue was like a brush of silk
across skin.

She ducked her face a bit to hide the gentle blush that
had resurfaced suddenly. “Are you having a good time?”
she asked, feeling a bit embarrassed that she hadn't come up with a
better question.

His smile widened further and he nodded. “I am
now. I had been wondering whether or not Inuyasha would force you to
come along with him tonight.”

“Actually, I'm the one who insisted we come. He
was in one of his moods and wasn't feeling very sociable.”

“Ahh. Well, then, I'm very glad he had you to
persuade him. I'd imagine it's hard to say no to you.”

She felt the familiar warmth rage in her cheeks. Why
did she find it so hard to prevent around this man? He is very
handsome, beautiful even, in a masculine way, she thought,
staring up at him. The emerging moonlight reflected off his pale,
porcelain-like skin, and illuminated his black hair, turning it a
dark silvery-blue. Beneath the long black lashes of his eyes, his
irises glowed red where the light touched them. Yes, it definitely
had something to do with his looks. It didn't help that he was so
damn charming, either.

Her mind scrambled for something intelligent to say,
but he spoke again before she could embarrass herself.

“I'm surprised you're by yourself, though,”
he said, looking back into the crowd. “Where's Inuyasha?”

“Kouga...” she hesitated before she could
say too much, “dragged him off somewhere.”

“Oh?” Naraku raised his eyebrows. “Must
have been important for him to abandon you. I don't suppose it has
anything to do with me?” He smiled knowingly.

Kagome mirrored his smile. “Hope you like
surprises.”

Naraku ran a hand through his hair and shook his head.
“Guess I probably don't have a lot of time, then. You know
Kouga is having his big concert two nights from now, right?”

Kagome nodded. It was all anyone seemed to talk about
recently. Besides being the
Gold Prince as well as the head of entertainment, Kouga was also the
quintessential rock star of the city. His concerts were counted among
the biggest events of the year. Kagome had yet to experience one for
herself, but she'd been lucky enough that the first concert since her
arrival in Alduray happened to fall on one of her nights off. Sango
had mentioned something in passing about them going together, but
they hadn't made any real plans yet.

“I wanted to ask you...” Naraku focused his
eyes on her intently, “if you would join me on my terrace that
night, as my guest.” His gaze was piercing,
and she felt her breath catch, every word she might have answered
with instantly scattered in her mind.

He leaned in toward her, as if to say something that
only the two of them would be able to hear, even though there was no
one else close enough to overhear their conversation. “That is,
if you think you can get away for one night.” He grinned
shrewdly.

“I...do have the night off,” the words fell
out of her mouth before she could think of anything else to say.

Suddenly, her eyes filled with blinding white light,
and Kagome flinched, raising a hand to block the painful glare.
Squinting as she looked out from behind her hand, she found the rest
of the room still in darkness. A bright pillar of light, cutting
through the darkness from somewhere high above the other side of the
room, had focused directly on the spot where the two of them stood,
Naraku still leaning down close to her.

“There he is!” an amplified voice exclaimed
through the darkness. It was Kouga. “Let's hear it for the
birthday boy!”

Kagome felt her face flush with embarrassment as the
crowd erupted in cheers. Naraku didn't miss a beat, raising his hand
and waving in response.

“Come get your present, even though you don't
deserve it,” Kouga teased, and the crowd laughed. The overhead
lights brightened enough to illuminate the side of the room he was
being beckoned to, and Kagome froze as she saw the hundreds of faces
turned expectantly toward the two of them.

Instead of leaving her side, Naraku looked down at her
once again, his eyes now burning red in the harsh
light. “So. Will you join me for the concert?” he asked,
looking as if he were enjoying the suddenly awkward situation.

Kagome blinked up at him, once again struggling to
collect her scattered wits.

Evidently taking her silence for indecision, he leaned even
closer. “I'm not going over there until I get an answer,”
he said quietly, his lips turned up into that unbelievably charming
smile. As the spotlight continued to blaze down on them, she was
painfully aware of the curious silence that had settled over the
crowd, everyone waiting for Naraku to respond to the sudden fanfare.

“Alright,” she said, her voice coming out as a
strained whisper.

His smile was brilliant as he nodded. “I'll be expecting
you, then.” He turned back to the crowd and began moving to the
other side of the room, the spotlight following him. As soon as she
was once again back in the shadows, Kagome had to lean back against
the glass of the window, still overwhelmed, trying to keep her legs
from collapsing beneath her. She took a few deep breaths and watched
as Naraku walked to the corner of the observatory he'd been called
to, where the King, Kouga and Inuyasha stood waiting with a big box
wrapped in brightly colored paper.

But Kagome didn't see what was inside the box. She didn't think
Inuyasha did either. He wasn't looking when Naraku ripped it open.
His eyes were turned out over the heads of the crowd, focused on a
point far across the room. It was the place where he had left Kagome
standing only a few minutes earlier, and the same place she stood
now, staring through the darkness back at him, trying to decipher the
strange, wide-eyed expression that had settled on his face.

Continued
in Chapter 13 – Reason for a Revolution

A/N: So, I know some of you
will be upset that the naughtiness wasn't exactly what you were
hoping for, but I swear that scene was absolutely necessary to the
storyline. This chapter ended up being way longer than I had
intended, but I really wanted to put the whole thing into one
release. I considered chopping it in half, but couldn't find a good
mid-point to break it. Hopefully, in the interest of timely updates,
I'll be able to keep future chapters a bit shorter.

Please let me know what you
think of chapter 12! It would absolutely make my day!

Big huge thanks to JMaxwell and
Caitriona for the nominations!

And as always, thanks to my
reviewers as well! I got some really wonderful comments this time
around, and I just want to let you all know how much I appreciate
each and every one of them! And I promise, Jazzy, I won't abandon the
story before it's done ;) How could I when I have people who enjoy it
so much?

By the way, thanks for the
offer, Midoriko. I may just take you up on that!

Influential music for this
chapter

Via Dolorosa – Abingdon
Boys School, from self-titled album (continued from chapter 11)

Always on Your Side (album
ver.) – Sheryl Crow, Wildflower

Destiny – Zero 7 feat.
Sia Furler and Sophie Barker, Simple Things
- 11
- 12
- 13
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A Fool's Redemption