A Time for Changes

Author’s notes: Look, I don’t speak Japanese, and I don’t understand the honorifics thing entirely. From now on I’m dropping the honorifics for the close relationships such as Kagome-Sango and Inuyasha-Kagome and probably Kikyo-Inuyasha. Other ones that are definitely different I’ll add them. Please don’t be mad! If you can explain them I’d be super appreciative.

Chapter 12 The changes in me are likely to be like the weather

Kagome opened the front door to the apartment and walked outside just to see Sango opening her door and doing the same. Sango smiled, slight traces of sadness washing over them.

 “Good morning, Kagome,” she whispered, waving gently while pulling her door shut to lock it. In her other hand she held a picnic basket for the day’s excursions.

Inuyasha popped up behind me, pushing me forward, “Move your ass so I can lock the damn door, gees.” Ears were tucked away by the aid of a blue bandana. He wore a pair of black shorts and a white-shirt.

Kagome noted that in Inuyasha’s hand was a bucket of cleaning supplies, just as she had requested. Covering her shoulders was a light white cardigan over a thin-strapped dress with cherry blossom flowers on it.  “You’re such a jerk, Inuyasha,” she teased lightly, gripping the portfolio in her hands.

He could sense her trepidation, it radiated off her like a slow stream, even if she was working very hard to contain it. Kagome and Inuyasha had many a few more talks after realizing she was the same type of demon as he was the mechanics of the pack mentality. He flicked her forehead and usher the two women to follow, “I don’t got all day, women are so slow.”

Kagome took Sango’s free hand and ran after Inuyasha with a small, but confident, little smile on her face. “Thanks for coming with me, Sango.”

By foot it took the group a while before they arrived at the cemetery. Kagome held Sango’s hand tightly as the climbed through the maze of gravestones to find Souta’s. The army had given him a special headstone, and from the looks of things, his fellow soldiers had been by and left a flag for him as a memorial.

Kagome propped her portfolio against a nearby grave and took a moment to take in Souta’s grave. It needed some washing, a few weeds to pull, but the framed picture of Souta in his uniform made her smile. “Hey there, Souta…”

Inuyasha hung towards the back; he couldn’t help but feel a little out of place. He’d only learned about Souta the night Miroku and he had found her in the hallway. Sango was willing to put herself in this painful situation, maybe because she knew Kagome longer. Inuyasha occupied his time pulling out the cleaning supplies Kagome had requested.  He walked the bucket and soap over to a public water fountain and poured the water in, watching the suds start to cluster, just slightly.

“Been a while, hasn’t it, baby brother. Are you resting peacefully?” Kagome whispered tearfully; while sad she did not let a tear drop. She dusted off his picture frame and looked up at Sango, “You mind if I talk to him for a little bit? Once I do we can clean and have the lunch you made?”

“Sure thing, Kagome. I bet you two have a lot to catch up.” Sango smiled and touched her friend’s shoulder before scurrying off to find Inuyasha.

Inuyasha was halfway up the stairs when Sango appeared, “She wanted to talk to him. Guess she has to get it off her chest to someone.” Sango sat down at the top of the stairs and looked out at the city. “Did she ask you to come?”

Inuyasha nodded slowly and parked it next to Sango, stirring the soapy water with the scrubbing brush. “She just woke up the other day and said she had to see her brother. I know it’s been a while and between the hospital shit I don’t blame her for not being here sooner.”

“Can you hear what she’s saying?”

“Only if I really try to,” Inuyasha flicked water into the air and watched it fall. “I’d rather not listen anyway. I’m already around her enough.”

“Is it getting to be too much for you?” she asked gently, playing with the ends of her own ponytail. “Kagome and I butted heads after a while, but I still feel so guilty that I’m not there for her. She must be…a handful…”

Inuyasha looked up and frowned, “Her brother died, I can’t blame her for not being okay. She isn’t a burden…”

He thought back to one of the first nights they had met, when she came into the café and the yellow couch, crying.

“You might be stupid in some aspect of your life I don’t know about you, you might be absolutely fucking insane, but if you think you’re stupid for telling me what’s wrong you’re nuts. You’d be stupid if you didn’t.” He realized his grip was probably too rough and he let her go, but to his surprise, she continued to gaze at him. “Look, it’s easy to tell when something’s wrong, but no one’s a freaking mind reader.”

“She’s just trying to be strong,” Inuyasha mumbled.

“But she isn’t strong at all,” Sango said carefully. She studied Inuyasha’s face carefully as his eyes scanned the sky. “I don’t think she has any direction or clear idea what to do now that everything has changed.”

“Kagome can take her damn time if that’s what she needs” he grumbled, shading his eyes with his hand. “He did give her a whole year and it is summer, it ain’t like she got class. She can just work and sketch. Let her take the time to think.”

 

Sango sighed and ran a hand through her hair, “Miroku is looking for him, you know.”

“He’s WHAT?” Inuyasha whipped his head up and looked at Sango in shock. “What the hell is he doing that for?”

“I asked him to, Inuyasha” she replied curtly.

“Are you insane? What could would it do bringing her past back up in front of her? She’s finally starting to move on.”

“She loved him, Inuyasha,” she bit back. “He didn’t do this to her, his mother did.”

Inuyasha stood and threw his hands up in the air, “And you really think a demon mother will change her mind so easily? We’re demons, not emotionally unstable humans. We have a system entirely different from just love and hate, Sango.”

“But Kagome is a human, Inuyasha. We should think about what is best for her.”

He let out a growl of frustration and glared down at Sango, who stared back with as much determination as he did. “She is not just a human anymore, you need to accept that, that is what is best for her. She may not be at her best right now, but you can’t expect her to be okay with her whole life being turned upside down.”

Saying nothing else he wandered towards the grave, slowing his gait, when he saw Kagome was still kneeling in front of the grave. But at the spot he was now, he could hear her as clear as daylight, ears flickering under the bandana.

“----I bet you’re showing off your gun to mom and dad right now. I bet they’re fawning over you, about how their little son turned into such a handsome man, and a son whose voice finally developed through puberty.”

She lifted her head and looked at the picture, slowly peeled off her cardigan, and laid it across her lap.

“Mom and dad would freak if they saw these scars. A woman’s body covered in such scars would never find a suitable husband, right?” she chuckled weakly, crossing her arms in front of her chest, as if to cover herself. “But I’m not even the same as I was before, Souta. I’m not even…human anymore.”

Inuyasha felt a knot tighten in his throat as he watched her shoulders start to shake, just slightly.

“Souta…would you still be with me if you knew I was a demon?” Kagome tilted her head back and looked at the sky. “I’m not the person I thought I was. I’m not at all who I thought I’d become. I spent so much of my life taking care of you, keeping everything okay, and now…” Kagome looked back at Souta’s picture, “Now I know I need to take care of me, but I don’t know what to do Souta. I feel so lost right now…”

“Oye! Kagome! Are you done blabbing? I’m starving?”

Kagome whipped her head to the left to see Inuyasha slowly walking towards the grave, a smirk on his face, with his hands on his hips. She frowned but slowly grew to a smile. “That’s Inuyasha, Souta,” she mumbled to the grave, “He doesn’t have great manners, but he’s a pretty good guy. He’s been taking me in while I try to get better. Next time I come I’ll talk to you about Koga too.”

Inuyasha stood over Kagome and flicked her forehead, “Well? Are we going to eat or what?”

“We’re supposed to clean the grave first, Inuysha. You know, honor the dead?” Kagome replied, trying not to groan.

Inuyasha looked at Souta’s picture as he crouched down beside her, “I’m pretty sure your brother would rather you eat and not pass out. Besides, if I’m hungry I’m grumpy and won’t help you.”

She chuckled, “Were you even going to help anyway?”

He shrugged his shoulders and from his jean pockets and emerged with three rocks. They were oval and smooth: one was white, one was black, and one was red.  He put the three on the alter and looked back to Kagome, “If you don’t mind…”

“I don’t mind, but what are they?”

“It’s something the demons do, for those who have passed on.  Black and white are ying and yang, you know, balance.”

“And red?”

“Life,” Inuyasha whispered, pushing the three rocks into a triangle beside the picture. “Your brother was full of life, hopefully he takes that vitality with him to the next life.”

She smiled and touched his shoulder, “Thanks, Inuyasha.”

Sango appeared behind the two of them with the picnic basket, holding it up like an offering, “I figure the two of you were going to get hungry. I made bentos for everyone.”

“It’s like we’re back in high school! I loved bentos,” Kagome smiled, standing up to help Sango spread out a picnic blanket she’d brought. The shawl she had worn fell to the ground, and both girls failed to notice Inuyasha picking it up and placing it to the side.

The three ate peacefully on the blanket, picking and trading between the boxes. Sango had done a good job of incorporating Kagome’s favorite foods, hoping she’d eat tons. In her own ways, Sango kept guard over Kagome without prying too much. She did get updates from Inuyasha via text message, but since the night at the hospital, Sango had distanced her self the best she could.  Sango knew her best friend loved tuna and rice balls, sausages shaped like octopi, and green iced tea.

“Is there anywhere else you want to go today after we’re done cleaning, Kagome?”

Kagome sipped at her drink and shrugged, “Not particularly. I just wanted to be here today. I might sketch a while. You guys don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

Sango shook her head, “No no, it’s fine, I don’t mind staying.” Sango and Kagome both knew the reality that they couldn’t leave Kagome alone.

Kagome turned to Inuyasha who just gave a small “keh” as he slurped down more of his drink. She smiled and nodded her head slowly, “Alright. It seems like people are taking care of the grave for the most part, I doubt the cleaning will take too long.”

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Kagome sat beneath a large tree with her sketchpad open, charcoal on her fingertips, with Sango at her side. Inuyasha had decided to stay by Souta’s grave, he seemed to be talking to Souta, but neither girl could know for sure.  Kagome’s sketch was the tops of the gravestones, and beside them, shadows of different individuals. Each hand touched a different grave as if to stand beside their resting place with a sense of pride. The eyes were white, hollowed out, with no lips or noses.

“----him, Kagome?”

Kagome lifted her head from the sketch and looked at Sango. “Sorry, what did you say?”

Sango sighed and looked up at the sunshine pouring between the tree leaves. “I asked you if you missed him?”

“You mean Souta? Of course I miss him,” Kagome said quietly, returning to one of the faces in her drawing. It looked similar to Souta; she bit her lip and slowly drew one of the outlines to his eyes.

“I didn’t mean Souta, Kagome.” Sango let out a breath and turned to her friend, “Do you think about Koga, Kagome?”

Kagome thought of her uncompleted drawing of him back in her bedroom, “S…somethings, I suppose.”

“Do you miss him?” she pried further, watching Kagome struggle to return to her drawing.

Kagome blinked and drew the second circle of Souta’s eye, “I can’t…I can’t really help it. Even if I do, he’s not here. I am here. I don’t know where he is. “

Sango wrung her hands together and pressed further, “If you could see him, would it make you happy?”

“I don’t know, Sango.” Kagome moved the charcoal to the sky of the picture and began to draw in a cloud. “I don’t know what will make me happy right now.”

“Did you love him though, Kagome?”

Kagome closed her eyes and watched the images of that night appear before her.

He pulled his face away from the wounds, forehead to forehead, crying for her. “No, Kagome, no. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He cried still, unable to do anything else for her. The wounds were healed enough not to be life threatening. He held her tightly in his arms, crying.



“Seven!”



“Koga….I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…if…this was a m—“



“No it wasn’t! Please god no it wasn’t!” He stared her in the eyes, “I love you, I love you more than anything. Please. Don’t say this was a mistake. I’ll fix this, I promise you my life I’ll fix this.”



“Six!”



He turned his head up, knowing she was waiting overhead, a mili-second away from killing them both. “Run. Kagome, you must run.” He draped his jacket over her bloodied shoulders. “The demons will come for your blood soon, Kagome. You can’t stand here and wait for police.”



Her eyes were glazed over in a broken daze. Her hands touched his face, “Koga….”

She opened her eyes and felt the tears rim her eyelids, the charcoal on her page had filled the blank page with two parallel lines, reminding her so painfully, of the scars resting on her shoulders. “I guess I’ll never know…we never really had our chance,” she whispered, looking at Inuyasha’s back at her brother’s grave. “He was my light when the world felt dark, but now, it’s more like…living in a constant storm.”

Sango touched her friend’s shoulder, feeling it flinch under her touch and slowly uncoil and relax. “Do they still hurt you, the scars?”

“The doctor’s say it’s a psychological hurt, not a physical one.” Kagome looked at Sango for the first time and shrugged. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with my body anymore, the doctors told me. So they prescribe medications to stop the phantom pains, I guess. But Inuyasha says it’s the demon in me that feels the pain.”

“Inuyasha said that…what else has he said?”

Kagome smiled, “Most of the time he’s just telling me I’m a klutz or something.”

“Has he said anything about you and how you’re doing?”

Kagome looked back to his back, “He just keeps reminding me that I am who I am, that I am Kagome, and being part demon now doesn’t have to change…the fact I’m being Kagome.” She laughed, “That sounds a little redundant, but he does his best for me.”

“And does he do his best for Kikyo? Is she okay with you living there?”

 

Kagome frowned when she thought of their last encounter. Since that day Kikyo did not come to the house, but would wait outside, just as Kagome had suggested. But each time Inuyasha opened the door Kagome could sense how uneasy he was. He hated the tension that the two had created.

“She does her best to understand. It’s not the simplest situation.”

“I would not let his good hospitality cause him relationship problems, Kagome…”

“I’m renting a spare room in his apartment, Sango,” she started slowly, trying not to be frustrated at this repeat conversation. “It’s like subletting a part of the apartment, it’s not like I sleep with him. We’re friends.”

“But…”

“We’re more than that, we share blood now,” Kagome struggled out. “He’s like family now, the only family I have.”

“I don’t understand how you can call him family when you barely know him, Kagome. Don’t you remember how he hurt you just a few months ago?”

Kagome shoved her hands against her eyes, mistakenly smudging the charcoal around her face, “I know you don’t understand, Sango, but it’s just how it is. He saved me.”

Sango frowned; Kagome sure had become very protective of Inuyasha. She seemed very reluctant to leave his side. Just as she opened her mouth to protest again Kagome jumped up, holding her head with a painful moan, and her paper and charcoal toppled to the ground. “Kagome? What’s wrong?’

Kagome opened her eyes, Sango gasping seeing they were bleeding into red, “He’s here. I can feel him.”

“Who? Who’s here?”

But before she got an answer Kagome was already running, her sandals left behind as her bare feet, now adorned with slightly animalistic claws, took off down the path.

Inuyasha was sitting down in front of Souta’s grave, mulling over things to talk about in a one sided conversation when he sensed Kagome moving. He looked over his shoulder and to his surprise watched Kagome sprint by, claws bared, fangs elongated, looking like she had a hunter’s instinct on her face.

“Kagome!”

For just a brief second her eyes shifted in his direction but she continued to sprint forward, having completely forgotten her scars were open for the public to see.

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Kagome made it down the steps to the exit of the graveyard when she saw him standing there, casually smoking a cigarette.

“What are you doing here?” her beast growled.

Sesshomaru took another drag of his cigarette and said nothing.

“You purposely came here. You sensed me.”

“This Sesshomaru already told you once that your aura is like a wild flame.”

Kagome’s beast growls continued. He stood in casual clothing, black slacks, and a white button down shirt. His white hair shimmered with the sunlight. It was the first time she noticed the crescent moon on her head.

Let me see! Do not lock me up!  Kagome shouted inside as attempted to see through the demons eyes.

“Are you deaf enough for me to ask a question again?” the beast spat at him, watching him take another puff, a tiny smirk of amusement on his face.

“You wanted to see me again.”

The beast snarled and held her arms up in a defensive pose. “Tell me about the relic. I wish to posses it.”

Sesshomaru chuckled, “A demanding little demon, aren’t you?”

“Yet here you are, in front of me, for no reason that would benefit you.” The pulse of blue light radiated from her tiny frame, the demon in her presenting her power in an act of respect. This man was toying with her.

Sesshomaru leaned against the archway of the graveyard and stared at her, “You cannot compete with me, hanyou.”

“Then why do you stand here before me!” she screeched, flexing her claws at her sides.

“The relic you seek lies within This Sesshomaru’s possession.”

“I already know that! Name your price!”

Let me out of here!

“Bring me your hanyou companion, then you can have what you seek,” Sesshomaru instructed slowly, approaching the girl and pushing her up against the opposite side of the archway.

“What would you want with a pup like him?” the beast purred, tilting her head curiously, “Surely you don’t need a second plaything when you have me, do you?”

He leaned in, she felt the rumble of his purr against her neck as he whispered in her ear, “Perhaps there is more than one type of play, little one.”

“That’s a pretty hard bargain, you get two things and I only get one?” she growled.

“Perhaps. But this Sesshomaru does hold your chance at freedom.”

He leaned in, most likely to capture her lips, but in that moment Kagome could see through the eyes of the demon. Instead of seeing just Sesshomaru she saw Koga, she saw his angry mother, she saw the red in the eyes, and she screamed.

The girl thrust her clawed hands out against his chest, pushing him away, as a pink light enveloped her. “Get away from me!”

The demon hissed and stepped back, noting the burn on his chest, hole in his shirt. “You did not say her powers were this strong.”

Kagome, now blue eyed, stared back at him, panting. “Who the hell are you?”

Sesshomaru noted her claws were gone, her eyes were normal, and the demon presence he was so drawn to had vanished entirely. He could see the blue of her aura being locked down by the pink. The two refused to work harmoniously. “Hm, interesting.”

Kagome held her arms up, noting the pink pulsing from them. “Get away from me or I’ll do it again!” she threatened.

“You have no grasp of your powers, woman.”

Kagome glared, “I do know this power.” She threw her head back and let out the loudest shriek she could muster.

Sesshomaru was shocked to say the least. Even if the police came for her, he could have killed her in a heartbeat. Sesshomaru realized quickly that the human part that controlled the demon knew very little to nothing of their world.  But on the flip side of this ignorance was the overwhelming natural instinct to tap into her priestess energy when needed. But then why…did she have those scars on her? Her powers could have prevented that…

As she screamed the pink light wrapped around her like a tight body suit and began to slowly expand out. While he could fight her he sensed others approaching.

“Remember what I said, demon.”

With that, the man was gone.

Kagome continued to scream until she felt a pair of hands shaking her. “Kagome! Stop it! Why are you screaming? People are staring!”

Kagome opened her eyes to feel Sango thrashing the girl’s shoulders. She was right, people on the streets, complete pedestrians with shopping pags, backpacks, and ipods, stared at Kagome like she was insane.  She looked around quickly and saw nothing of the strange man she’d just seen moments ago.

Kagome felt the world spin as the demon thrashed inside of her. She held her head in her hands and bit back a moan, “Shut up! Shut up! Be quiet!”

“I’m just trying to help, Kagome!” Sango protested, looking at her friend. “Why did you run off like that?”

“She just used her spiritual powers to save herself” a new voice interjected, gently pushing Sango aside, to look down at Kagome. “Miss – miss please, I need you to look at me.”

Kagome let out another painful scream as she forced open her left eye to stare at a beautiful woman. She had long black hair and wore a white kimono, somehow breathtakingly beautiful. “Who…are you?”

“Call me Lady Kanade.” She smiled and touched Kagome’s shoulder, “Everything will be alright now, Kagome-chan. I will help you, but for now, sleep.”

Kagome’s eyes immediately closed and she slumped over and Inuyasha caught her just in time.  He held her close in his arms and glared at the new woman, not noticing Sango’s own glare at him.

I will help you Kagome, I promised you that much

 

Author's Notes 1: I am quite aware that Lady Kanade will be different than the one depicted in the Inuyasha film. I picked her for her relationship to the island of hanyo. I'll do my best, but it is an entirely different context.

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Author’s Notes 2: “White Balloons”, acoustic version, Sick Puppies off the album Polar Opposite