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Change of Heart	By : PrincessAurora Category: InuYasha > Yaoi - Male/Male > InuYasha/Sessh?maru > InuYasha/Sessh?maru Views: 24279 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I don't own this. All characters from the Inuyasha, or Inuyasha: The Final Act Series, are owned by Rumiko Takahashi and VIZ. No money is made from this.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Disclaimer: I think it’s obvious that I don’t own this. Any original characters that you find, yes, those are mine. However, all characters from Inuyasha, or Inuyasha: The Final Act…those are all owned by Rumiko Takahashi and VIZ; as are any ‘story lines’ from the episodes that I used to set the scenes at the beginning.
I WISH I was making money off of this. Sadly, I am not. Honestly, I’d be happy if I could just have them enacting my later chapters on my hdtv. Better than money. ;) Ha.
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THIS IS YAOI-INSCEST! IF YOU DON’T LIKE THIS KIND OF THING, THEN DON’T READ IT. FLAMES WILL BE HAPPILY IGNORED.
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MAJOR SPOILERS for Inuyasha AND Inuyasha: The Final Act.
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Chapter 12 – Sesshoumaru Returns

It was another warm, sunny day. Probably the Inu-Hanyou’s favorite kind of day, and yet…
‘How can she treat me like this still? It’s been almost two years since she came back, almost five since Naraku’s defeat, and she still feels the need to not only control me, but punish me with this fucking rosary!’
The miko he was thinking about was back in their home in the village, and he was still angry over the argument they’d just had.

***

After arguing over many things, stupid things, for over an hour, it had all finally exploded:
“Kagome, why? Why can’t you just remove this fucking rosary? You’ve seen the control I have over myself and my demon now, so why?” Inuyasha asked painfully.
“Why?! You want to actually know the real reason?” Kagome shrieked.
“Yeah! I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t, wench!”
“Fine! Do you remember when we were inside Naraku? Do you know what he said to me? He said, ‘The demon in Inuyasha wants only to kill you.’ How do you think that makes me feel? And now, you aren’t even half human anymore, and I can’t enjoy you as a human even one night a month!” Kagome screamed.
“Holy shit, Kagome! Something fuckin’ Naraku said to you? Huh, maybe he wasn’t so wrong. If he was right, why do you think that is? My demon hates you because you keep it chained! It’s why I asked you to remove the rosary! So all of me could love you!” Inuyasha cried.
“So it was true! Then no, Inuyasha, I will never remove it! So stop asking!” Kagome shouted and turned her back on him.
“Fine,” was all he could say as he stormed out of their hut, completely ignoring the rest of her tirade; his only thought was to jump away quickly so she couldn’t ‘sit’ him again.

***

She was also still punishing him, over a year later, for sending the dragons back to Sesshoumaru, asking him to keep them for him. He’d sent them back right after Kaede’s death. Already tiring of Kagome’s treatment of him, he’d not been able to bear the thought of her riding ‘Kaede’s dragon’.
Any mention of Sesshoumaru drove her into a rage, probably because he refused to acknowledge her as a ‘princess’, or even acknowledge her at all.
There had been no children between them either.
‘She sits me more than she ever did before…even the others have noticed. Of course, I’m no better than a slave now, as any little thing I don’t do the moment she commands, she ‘sits’ me. As if this rosary was ever meant to be used that way!
He knew better, because Kaede had told him before she died last year, only months after Kagome had returned.

***

Kaede lay gasping for breath on her bedroll in her simple hut. Inuyasha had been trying to get her to rest, but she was determined to talk to him. Kagome was somewhere else, and he didn’t want her here now anyway.
“Inuyasha, I must beg your forgiveness before I leave this world,” Kaede whispered after accepting the drink of cool water the Hanyou offered her.
“What are you going on about now old lady?” he smiled down at her.
She whispered roughly, “At first I believed you to be the one who killed my sister. It is why, when you ran after young Kagome after she released you from Goshinboku that first night, I believed you capable of killing her. I tossed the unstrung beads into the air and yelled for her to command you. She screamed ‘Osuwari!’, and the beads connected themselves around your neck.
“I still have nightmares about that night, seeing the beads fly through the air to collar you. That would not have been possible but for Kikyo’s original enchantment on those beads, although her intentions when she enchanted them were very different.
“Did you ever know the ‘word of power’ she intended to use? No? “Itoshii,” is what she said she would use, because she had enchanted them while loving you. I also know that she never could have placed them on you, because I heard her say those very words.
“Once I realized that you were innocent, and were, in fact, a victim of Naraku’s deception as well, I regretted my decision. I have hoped you could forgive me someday for that miscalculation,” she gasped.
“Hey, Kaede, it’s okay. Really. I knew all this already. Just rest now,” Inuyasha begged.
However, Kaede continued. She had to. “I know, but I wanted you to fully understand. I was prejudiced, I realized that eventually, and once I did, I begged Kagome to remove the rosary. In my heart, I know it took me far too long to realize my mistake. Had I begged her to remove it right after Kikyo was resurrected, and the evidence for your innocence was before me, I believe she would have done it then. Even I may have been able to remove it at that time.
“But I waited…for far too long. By the time I asked her to remove it, you had just fought with Goshenki. Your demon-side had emerged, and tied its power to the rosary. Kagome had also tied it to her own soul; she was then the only one who could have removed it, and at that point she refused.”
“Well,” Inuyasha said, “it was probably the right decision at that time. We didn’t know about Tetsusaiga controlling my demon yet, and the sword had just been broken. Maybe it was better at that time for me to have them on.”
“Inuyasha, you have matured much and show your generous heart if you can see it that way. But after, once we knew about Tetsusaiga, she should have removed them. And even if she still felt like she couldn’t, she should never have used them in the way she did. They were only so your demon-half could be restrained. Not for some spoiled little girl to use whenever she became angry. The holy power they contain has been tainted by her misuse of it.
“She has one of the most generous hearts I’ve ever known, but also one of the most selfish. At the very least, once she matured, especially after she returned here to stay with you for good, she should have removed them then. But she didn’t, and that tells me much.
“I believe her heart has been tainted. With the way she has always used the rosary, it became more and more tainted. The longer she used it in that way, I feel it’s tainted her as well, each tainting the other in a vicious cycle the more the rosary is used with cruelty.
“Inuyasha, I say all this now because we both know I am not long for this world. Because… I think you should seriously consider finding a demon mate. Kagome can still return to her own time, and maybe she should. She will grow old and die someday, just like me. But you will live on. You deserve happiness, Inuyasha. Even if you wait until she is gone, please, someday, find a demon mate that you can spend your immortal life with.
“I should have told you this before now. Sesshoumaru told me after you and Kagome got married… That unless you mark and claim a mate, there will be no children from that union. He asked me to tell you, and I should have, but I hated how she treated you… I couldn’t bear it if she gave you children and then took them away if things didn’t work between you. He also said that marking a mate claimed them for life, and I couldn’t bear the thought of you being tied to her like that. Forgive me.”
Inuyasha was stunned. However, he also saw the wisdom and truth in Kaede’s words. He was touched.
“Kaede, you’ve been a true friend, and I hope you know how much I care for you. I knew marking a mate claimed them for life, and I knew before the wedding that I wouldn’t mark her. I told Sesshoumaru that. Know that I forgave you a long time ago. My bitterness about the kotodama rosary has always been aimed at Kagome, not you. Remember that, alright?” Inuyasha said.
Kaede smiled softly. “Thank you Inuyasha, for your forgiveness. I looked at you like the child I never allowed myself to have. As a miko, it was never an option for me, but I had those feelings anyway because you allowed me to have them. I will miss you. Promise me you will care for yourself someday, and not worry so much about everyone else. You deserve happiness.”
“I promise, old lady,” Inuyasha winked. He smiled lovingly down at the old woman who he felt he had known forever; seeing both the old woman in front of him, and also the young girl following Kikyo he had known so long ago.
Kaede just smiled and fell asleep.
She died the next morning.

***

He remembered the pain and grief of losing her. He was thinking of her words again now. How, if he stayed around humans, he’d only be setting himself up for more pain, over and over again. ‘As much as I’ve always wanted children, it’s for the best that I never marked her, that she never got pregnant.’
He was so distracted by his internal thoughts, he failed to notice the swiftly approaching demonic aura. This distraction, more than anything else, showed the Youkai Lord how upset his little brother was. Well…that, and the look on his face.
“Hello Little Brother,” Sesshoumaru said, startling the Hanyou as he landed beside him.
“Have you left yourself open on purpose? Any demon could have approached you as I just did, and you could have been killed while staring off into space. It would be such an inglorious end, don’t you think?” Sesshoumaru asked sarcastically.
Inuyasha’s head whipped around. ‘How did he get so close without me noticing? Shit!’
“So we’re back to this after over a year of not seeing or hearing from you? Fuck you asshole. As if I have the energy to worry about you. I have enough shit in my life to deal with,” Inuyasha shot back as he turned away.
Sesshoumaru immediately regretted his choice of words, faintly feeling the sharp pain it caused in the boy. At least he had been able enjoy his brother’s company before, until that disgusting human priestess had returned. “I apologize Inuyasha. I did not come here to fight you, and should not have spoken that way.”
“Yeah, no big deal. So whadda ya’ want? Haven’t seen you in a long time. Didn’t think I’d ever see you again actually,” Inuyasha said.
“Why is that Otouto? I told you that you could come to the Castle whenever you wished. I did not want to intrude on your life with your miko,” Sesshoumaru explained.
“Yeah, well, after so long, I just figured you’d forgotten about me. You probably should have. So what did you want, anyway?” Inuyasha asked.
Sesshoumaru did not like this. He did not like the hopelessness he could see and feel in his brother. Did not like the way he seemed so disheartened.
“I came to speak to you about an important matter. One that I have given much thought to over the years,” Sesshoumaru began.
“Okaaay,” the boy prompted him to continue.
“Would you like to know what I have been doing in this last year? What kept me away?” Sesshoumaru asked.
“Yeah, I guess,” the boy replied disinterestedly.
Sesshoumaru sat down in the shade of the Goshinboku next to Inuyasha. He seemed nervous, if the proud Youkai Lord could look nervous. He still gave nothing away in his facial expressions, but Inuyasha knew him pretty well. After all, that same Lord trying to kill him for over two centuries made it hard for Inuyasha to not know him well. That, and the fact that they had been rebuilding their relationship as brothers in the years after Naraku’s death.
“Before I begin, may I ask a question?” Sesshoumaru started.
Inuyasha looked suspiciously at his sibling. “You can ask. Doesn’t mean you’ll get an answer.”
Sesshoumaru tensed at the insult, and then chose to ignore it. He forged ahead with his question.
“Little Brother, why do you still allow yourself and your Youki to be subjected to the whims and temper of that mortal woman? She is far beneath you, and yet she disrespects you and you stand for it. Or maybe ‘stand’ isn’t the right word,” he continued slyly, “Your face ends up in the dirt for no better reason than that she has a short temper.”
“Okay asshole, that is a question you won’t get an answer to,” Inuyasha replied. Sesshoumaru realized he had touched a sensitive nerve, and that this was probably why his baby brother was sitting in the forest so depressed.
“Why?” Sesshoumaru asked. “Why do you not want to answer?”
Inuyasha thought for a moment. Maybe being honest with the asshole was not something he should avoid. Maybe if his brother looked at him as weak, he’d finally leave him alone and he wouldn’t be having this conversation anymore.
“Fine. You won’t get an answer because, in truth, I don’t know the answer myself. I‘ve wanted to leave for a long time now, but feel I can’t because of this fucking rosary. She uses it to totally control me. I’m starting to think I’m as weak as you always said I was.”
Sesshoumaru thought for a moment. He truly wanted to be able to speak honestly and openly with Inuyasha. Not only to tell him the information he had found out about the Hanyou and the rosary, but also because he truly wanted to have the boy with him.
He realized now, he may be able to get him away from the miko. If he could, he would not have to wait for her to die of old age to approach Inuyasha the way he wanted to.
He chose his words carefully. So much was riding on this conversation…
“Inuyasha, do you remember, long ago, it was I who informed your miko and friends about the need to keep Tetsusaiga in your hands? That your Demon transformation could not be stopped without the Tetsusaiga?” Sesshoumaru asked.
“‘Course I do,” the Hanyou replied. “I noticed that you stopped trying to take the sword from me as much after that too. “
“Correct. However, I was curious after that. Why would your Youki rampage as it did? That is not normal for any InuYoukai. I thought at first that it was because you were a weak hanyou, but I have seen over the years that you are far from weak. You are the Hanyou who was part of Naraku’s defeat after all.
“There was nothing I could do to satisfy my curiosity until after Naraku’s death. Since then, I have tried to find those answers, but in the last year especially. After seeing the way you controlled your Youki after you were hurt this last time, when I shared my blood with you, I knew beyond any doubt how strong you are, and felt that you could control your Youki quite easily if given the chance. Would you like to know what I have found?” Sesshoumaru continued.
Inuyasha was stunned. His brother was saying he wasn’t weak, even after he’d basically proved he was by staying with Kagome? And why would Sesshoumaru even care about anything to do with his inner youki? Was it really because he thought he could change things? And why would he want to? Still, Inuyasha was curious. ‘Could there be some answer, aside from me being too weak? Is there some way to free me?’
“Okay. As long as this isn’t some way for you to insult me, then yeah, I’d actually like to know,” Inuyasha replied.
Sesshoumaru nodded, “First, so you know, InuYoukai have a very predictable way that they mature. They do not hear their inner youki until they are 150 to 200 years old; and until they hear it, it cannot take control over them in any way. At the time they first hear its voice, parents or siblings will begin to train the adolescent youkai in how to control their youki, so they can begin to let it out when they need it, but stay in control of it at all times. Young Inu then mature in 50-year cycles until they are 600 years old, when they reach full maturity. For you, at the time you should have started to hear its voice, you know what happened. You were bound under a spell to the Goshinboku.
“From what I have heard you say, you have never heard its voice. Is that correct?” Sesshoumaru asked.
“Yeah,” Inuyasha admitted dejectedly, “that’s right. I’ve never actually heard its voice.”
“So, during the 50 years you were pinned to the Tree, your body and mind was in a suspended state, but I suspect that your Youki felt trapped almost that entire time. You told me before that, once you were released, the miko ensnared you with the rosary that same night. The rosary blocks your Youki’s voice. I am certain it was trying to get you to hear it, but the rosary blocked it almost immediately.
“From speaking with Kaede-sama, and other information I have found, I know that the kotodama rosary used on you was powerful because of the pure heart and power of the miko who originally created it. Once it was used on you the way it was, for punishment, the holy power was tainted. As you gained strength, the rosary had to increase in strength to continue to control your more-powerful youki. It did this by siphoning off power from your Youki when you were angry.”
Inuyasha was quiet, listening intently.
“I have come to believe that the rosary has blocked your maturity cycles as well, as you should be taller than you are. You should have gone through a cycle relatively soon after you were freed from the binding spell, but your body never got the chance. You look almost the same as you did the day you were first bound to Goshinboku.”
Inuyasha went back to that time in his mind, ‘Huh, I hadn’t thought about it at all, but he’s right. ‘I can remember thinking that I should wait to use the Shikon no Tama - at first to become a full-youkai, then later to become human for Kikyo - because I knew I had a maturity cycle coming up… Myoga had told me about that.
‘Then all that shit with Naraku and me taking the Jewel, then Kikyo sealing me to Goshinboku, and Kagome unsealing me 50 years later. So I think I’m actually missing two cycles, not only one.’
Sesshoumaru had stopped talking and was watching Inuyasha’s face. He could see he was not paying attention. “Otouto? What are you thinking?” he asked.
This startled the Hanyou out of his thoughts. “Oh! Sorry… I was just thinkin’… I might be missin’ two cycles, not just one. But keep talkin’, what else did you find out?”
“Two?” Sesshoumaru questioned, surprised.
“Yeah,” Inuyasha confirmed. “But I can explain later. Keep telling me what you found out.”
Sesshoumaru did not mind Inuyasha’s impatience; he welcomed it because it told him he had the boy’s interest captured. He continued.
“Now, when you first transformed, when you were with your Pack, you did it because your life was in mortal danger, yes?” Sesshoumaru asked.
“Yes, you know that already Sesshoumaru,” Inuyasha said, hoping he would continue.
He did. “Yes, that incident was what led to me getting Goshenki’s fangs for Tokijin. But Inuyasha, did you never notice that, before you were sealed to the Tree, out of all the times your life was in mortal danger as a child, you never transformed before that fight with Goshenki, correct?”

Inuyasha was stunned. ‘He’s right! I’d never thought of that before, but Sesshoumaru is absolutely right. My life was threatened over and over again as a child, after Mother’s death. How was it that I never transformed back then? Was it really because of not being mature enough to DO it at the time? And once I became stronger, I was never in a life-threatening situation until that fight against Goshenki.’
“I had never thought about it that way. You’re right Aniki. I’d never transformed before that, and my life was in terrible danger many times when I was very young. Times I was so close to death that only a miracle saved me. When I was older, before I was sealed, I was strong enough to defend myself against any who came at me.
“Is there more you know?” Inuyasha asked excitedly.
“Yes brother, there is more. I can explain in more detail later. However, I think what you wish to know is this: Your Youki could not have come out before that time; and you were restrained by the rosary at nearly the same time it became possible for you to hear its voice.
“You certainly have the strength and control necessary. The only reason your Youki breaks from your control is because of that necklace you wear. That is the only reason. It has chained your Youki.
“I believe it has been trying to speak to you, as mine speaks to me, for many years now. You have never heard its voice because that necklace blocks it. It is also the reason that, when your Youki finally does break free, it is only out of desperation in those life-threatening situations; or more recently, when Tetsusaiga sought your own demonic energy.
“Without the necklace, you would learn, very quickly, how to control and live in harmony with your inner youki. You would also most likely go through at least one extra maturity cycle, if we are right and it was blocked. You would start to hear its voice as well. It would be able to start guiding you, as an adult male InuYoukai, through your life.” Sesshoumaru watched Inuyasha closely as he finished.
The young Hanyou looked excited for a few more moments, but then he changed.
Suddenly, he wore a look of such utter desolation, such raw sorrow, and Sesshoumaru felt it so clearly, his normally impassive face actually showed his shock. What could have made his baby brother’s attitude change so drastically?
“Inuyasha,” Sesshoumaru instantly grabbed his brother’s shoulder. “What is wrong? What is it that you are thinking?”
Inuyasha raised his defeated gaze to meet his brother’s. “Kagome will never remove this thing. Not ever. Old Kaede tried many times, even before Naraku’s death, to get her to remove it. She felt so badly that she ever allowed it to be put on me in the first place. The only reason she did was because, at the time, she thought I had killed her sister Kikyo. Once she realized it was Naraku and not me, she asked Kagome to remove it, but she refused. Since then, she asked her so many times, with no result. Even now, when she returned to have a life with me here, saying she loved me, she won’t remove it. It gives her control over me.
“Miroku, the monk I used to travel with? Kohaku’s gikei?” Sesshoumaru nodded in recognition and Inuyasha continued, “Miroku said recently that he believed the rosary had become stronger over the years as I became stronger, just like you’re sayin’. Now, not even another miko or monk could remove it. Miroku actually tried, and nearly got himself killed. He believes it’s tied to her soul…not even her dying would allow it to be removed.”
Sesshoumaru was stunned. He had been under the impression that Inuyasha simply had not asked her to remove it. “Inuyasha, she has refused to remove it even after witnessing your human nights? After knowing about the spiritual power you must use every moment just to keep it from burning you daily?”
“Yes,” Inuyasha answered shamefully. He felt Sesshoumaru would ask why, then, did he ever marry her, but Sesshoumaru was far beyond that.
“Rin is a miko in training. Her spiritual powers are very strong, but not yet fully developed because of her youth. You are saying not even she could remove it, once she has completed her training? In my research, I was told that if enough pure holy power was directed at the rosary, it could be broken,” Sesshoumaru was grasping at straws and he knew it.
“Yes,” Inuyasha replied desolately, “that’s what I’m saying. I’m trapped. I’m nothing more than a dog on a leash. I truly am an embarrassment to our father’s blood, just as you believed before.
“You need to understand. I loved Kagome with all my heart. When she left for those three years after Naraku’s death, I waited for her, not knowing if she would ever come back. Now, it’s changed, and my love for her has turned to resentment; yet there’s nothing for me to do but to stay with her. By her refusal to remove this rosary, she’s sentenced me to a life with her until she dies. And after that? A life alone.”
“But why would you say that?” Sesshoumaru was trying to understand Inuyasha’s state of mind, but he could not fathom why Inuyasha felt he had to stay with the miko. Surely this rosary did not force him to stay near her? And why would he think he would be alone after?
“Inuyasha, can you not just leave her? There are others out there who would be proud to call you ‘Mate’,” Sesshoumaru said.
“Are you kidding? No demon would ever look at me with any respect, and why would they? I’m enslaved by a tiny human wench. I don’t have the strength to break free. You’ve always said I was weak, and while I now know part of that is because this rosary holds me back, I still feel that if I was stronger, I could break free of her. I’m a weak stain on a great bloodline. Why would anyone want me?” Inuyasha was devastated, and it showed.
Sesshoumaru was conflicted. He had never tried to voice his feelings to Inuyasha, or anyone else for that matter, and he had never felt this way about anyone before. He wanted to wait…and did not think Inuyasha would believe him if he just admitted his true feelings outright. But could he afford to wait? It looked and felt like Inuyasha’s inner spirit was dying right in front of him.
Slowly, Sesshoumaru moved his hand that had been resting on Inuyasha’s shoulder, and slipped it around his neck. Pulling him closer, he held the Hanyou’s shocked gaze with his own. When they were only inches apart, Sesshoumaru looked deep into his eyes, his hand curling into his hair, his claws scraping his scalp pleasantly.
“Inuyasha, did it never occur to you that when I approached you before, when we had our time of meeting each month, that I did it out of a desire to be near you? To know about you and who you are? Do you think I would have spent this last year trying to find these answers, neglecting my duties in the West and never seeing you, out of simple curiosity?” Sesshoumaru asked softly, waiting for Inuyasha to piece things together.
Inuyasha was shocked. Sesshoumaru was pulling him nearer not to kill him? They had never really touched before, except for when he’d nearly died after that fight. Now, his touch in his hair was gentle, as was the way he’d pulled him closer. Even the gentle touches he’d received from Kagome had never made him feel this way. Suddenly he was embarrassed. ‘Sesshoumaru’s only trying to be brotherly. If he realizes the attraction I’m feeling, what’ll he do then?’ Just as these thoughts raced through his mind, Sesshoumaru shocked him yet again.
Sesshoumaru had been watching the emotions and thoughts fly across his brother’s open, expressive face, reading each quite easily. Knowing Inuyasha as he did, he was able to accurately guess what he was thinking. He decided that he had waited for two years, possibly longer if he thought about it, and it was long enough.
Slowly, Sesshoumaru pulled him even closer. Keeping his eyes locked on a nearly identical, but younger and very wide, pair of golden eyes, he slowly drew Inuyasha into a chaste kiss, only barely moving his lips over his little brother’s. The innocent kiss sent a bolt of lust straight to the Hanyou’s groin. Inuyasha’s eyes comically grew even wider, and it was this that made Sesshoumaru break the gentle kiss. He could not help but smile at his Otouto’s reaction.
Inuyasha was a jumble of confusion for a moment, but when he saw Sesshoumaru smile, it blew every thought from his mind. ‘Sesshoumaru…smiling?! Be-because he kissed me? Kami, he’s so beautiful anyway, but when he smiles…’ Obviously, it seemed Sesshoumaru wasn’t having trouble with his attraction to him. ‘Could this be for real?’
Sesshoumaru realized he was going to have to make it clear for the dazed young man, and he smiled gently at his brother. “Inuyasha, I have wanted to be closer to you for years now. At first, I focused on rebuilding our feelings as brothers, but I slowly realized that I wanted to be closer to you, not only as a brother, but also as a Mate. I had been trying to make sense of the feelings I had towards you when the miko returned. After that, once I recognized those feelings for what they truly were, I believed I was too late and would have to wait until she finally died of old age before I could have you with me, and I was willing to do that.
“Now, I believe we do not have to wait. Inuyasha, would you come with me? Leave the miko and come home with me? You do not have to agree to anything more than coming home as my brother for now, but I would like you to think about also, someday, becoming my Mate,” Sesshoumaru finished.
Inuyasha was stunned, again. ‘How many times can I be shocked in one day?’ he thought. And then, ‘Sesshoumaru, the most powerful Youkai in all of Japan, wants me as a Mate? Me? A Hanyou? How could he want this?’ Inuyasha had to know the answers before he could trust that this was real.
“Sesshoumaru, why? Why would you want me? I’m a hanyou. I know we’ve been closer as brothers lately, but I can’t imagine why you would want to touch me. I’m still a dirty hanyou. Even if you haven’t said that in years, it’s still true. I still have tainted blood. Why would you want me? You could have any demon or demoness in the world. Why me?” Inuyasha begged for answers.
Sesshoumaru felt like he was bleeding inside, hearing his beautiful Little Brother using the same ugly words he himself had used so easily for so long. Words spoken by an immature and angry InuYoukai.
“Inuyasha, I have said it before and will say it again until you believe me. I have regretted those words more than you can ever know. I have regretted ever fighting with you. I was young and immature, and very angry with Father. I took that anger out on you. I should have taken you in after your Mother’s death. In fact, I should have taken both you and your Mother back to the Castle after Father’s death. That I did not is something I will always regret.
“I fought the way my Youki constantly pulled me towards you, and used anger to cover my true feelings…until I believed my anger was real. My words spoken in anger have done more damage to you than I ever intended. I can only try to make it up to you, and hope that someday you will be able to forgive me,” Sesshoumaru explained, totally exposing his true feelings. It was so rare for him to do this, but Inuyasha’s pain was calling to him so strongly.
“Since fighting by your side before, I have come to know your strength. Aside from me, there is none in Japan as strong as you. That battle with Magatsuhi was important, because only after my pride had been shattered and my anger neutralized could I see what had been in front of me all along: a little brother who was far more than either one of us ever believed.
“In knowing you as a brother these last years, I have come to realize that not only are you physically and mentally strong, but you are the one my Youki has been waiting for. I have had the opportunity to take a mate countless times. Each would have been a ‘good union’ for the Lands of the West, but all only wanted me for my power. You are different. We could share a life together, eternity together, as mates should.
“Will you consider it Inuyasha? Will you at least think about what I am asking?” Sesshoumaru finished.
Inuyasha looked shell-shocked. He was trying to absorb all the amazing things Sesshoumaru had just said to and about him, but it was nearly too much. ‘How…is this real? Truly? How can I deny this? I know I’ve loved him, for a long time now… I don’t want to hurt Kagome, but can I make Sesshoumaru wait for me to figure out what to do about her, or wait for her to die? Can I make myself wait? What do I do?’
Inuyasha’s ears were still drooping, but there was a small spark of hope in his eyes as he answered,
“Yeah Sesshoumaru, I’ll think about it.”

~tbc

*****

Japanese used in this story:

Osuwari: (おすわり”Sit”) is the command only Kagome can use to slam Inuyasha into the ground whenever she feels it’s ‘necessary,’ or when she is just being spoiled. ~The word "osuwari" is a sit command used specifically for dogs, which is why the beads don't activate whenever Kagome tells him to sit down. ~In Inuyasha's case, the Kotodama no Nenju are pretty much the equivalent of a collar or a choke-chain, maybe even a shock-collar, considering he's a dog demon.
Kotodama rosary: or the Kotodama no Nenju: (言魂の念珠, language power rosary), called the Beads of Subjugation in English, is the title of the rosary/necklace that Inuyasha wears around his neck. When activated by the use of a particular word, the beads glow and bring the wearer under control (in a manner of speaking). In Inuyasha's case, it's usually referred to as the “sit!” command. (**The trigger word Kikyo planned to use was "itoshii" (愛しい), meaning "beloved".)
Itoshii: (愛しい), "beloved.” (This is the word of power, the ‘kotodama’ Kikyo enchanted the beads with when she strung them originally. She then said that she could never put them on him.)
Gikei: ‘brother-in-law.’ 義兄 (hiragana ぎけい, romaji gikei)
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Change of Heart