Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Red Lotus	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 20070 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 7
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
A/N: Yeah, I don't know what happened there. I guess I don't like dialogue. Haha..(you'll understand soon enough).
Red Lotus
Chapter 15: The Proclivity
Life used to be different.
He could clearly remember a conversation he had with her when she first moved into the apartment. He told her about how everything worked but he never in his life experienced the desire, the lust, to go after another person. Their bond changed that. At least it did physically. He still had no emotional or psychological desire to physically mate with the miko. His body had an entire other plan in mind but his mind remained the same. He supposed he should be grateful that this whole ordeal did not drive him to the brink of insanity, to the point where he lost himself completely. Not that this current situation was any better. His body made him want things he should not want - things he did not want.
While Kagome, being human, managed to find solace and rest he remained awake for the entire night. He intended on separating himself from her body at some point during the night but it became painful to try. This was the first time they were apart since their mating and their bond was pulsing with need. He supposed it made sense that it would want to be completed. Nobody initiated a bond and took it lightly. Both parties should wish for its completion. Regardless of that, he found it annoying. She might be human and she might not live as long as he would but her life would seem extremely long if they had to deal with this the entire time. He was one to think solutions through - he did not propose answers without considering every aspect of them. In this case, he had apparently failed. Although, his knowledge of mating had never been great and it was not as though he had many resources to dig through.
Still, he should not have been so keen on following his promise. Yes, in a hundred years maximum she would be gone and he would be free but what a painful hundred years they would be.
Painful was the right word. It could also be used to describe his current state. When they first laid down together, his penis immediately became erect. He assumed it was because of the rush of need and emotions. He expected it to return to its normal state at some point during the night. It appeared that he thought wrong. Instead of obtaining some sort of relief from this hell his life had become, he was stuck in the nightmare. His erection was still pulsing, throbbing with need for Kagome, while it remained nestled against her backside. Sometimes, she would shift, brushing her small, bony backside against it. It should not turn him on. Not only should he not be having an erection in the first place, but Kagome lacked curves and shapes. She was not eating nearly enough to be putting back on all the weight she lost. In spite of that, the small touches made him burst with need. Each time she moved, his grip on her hips tightened.
He would keep himself in control; he was Sesshomaru - control was what he did. Nonetheless, it was inevitable that he would have to leave the bed at some point. Staying here was torture and his erection was only getting worst. The last thing he wanted to do was to be stuck relieving himself yet again. Although he doubted it would go away anytime soon. Now that he seemed to lack control even over his own body, he was doomed. Yet, despite everything he learned through his half-brother, he would fight this. He would not let it happen. It might seem like an easier solution but it came with even more problems. They would be fully linked, his emotions, her emotions, her needs, his needs. She would be his in every sense of the word and he would be hers. He would not have a weakness, he would not share his life with someone he did not want. The only thing left to do was endure - and he could do that.
Also, there was always the possibility that the mating could be broken. Unfortunately, that could not be considered for a while since Kagome still needed the mating to heal. She was much better but she was in now way cured from her cancer. And there was the possibility that it might come back. Many cancer patients who went into remission found themselves victim of the disease again years later. Breaking the mating was risky business. It would be a last resort, down the road. For now they would live with this like they had done so far. If they took their time in increasing their level of intimacy, they could prevent the worst from happening - at least for a while. It was the only plan of action he had for the time being.
He did not know if it was the disturbance in his aura but he felt Kagome stir in her sleep. She made little sounds, indicating she was still asleep. However, that did not stop her from slowly turning her body. She was stopped midway because of his grip but he managed to loosen it. If she was going to put some distance between them, he would not be the one to halt her. Sesshomaru however did not find himself so lucky. Instead of pulling herself away from him, it appeared that she was turning around to snuggle against him. Regrettably for her, there was something standing in the way. Before her stomach could press into his, she was stopped by his erection. It dug into her stomach, preventing her from going any further. While it frustrated her in her sleeping state, it did something entirely different for him. The friction, it was all the filled his mind. Every time she made a useless attempt at getting closer to his body, the motion would cause the clothed head of his penis to roll against her warm flesh. The sensation was a new one and it felt nothing like his hand had felt.
Sesshomaru had to ground his own hips to make sure he would not thrust against her - he was not a pathetic fool. Although, this was a perfect opportunity. Her shift in position forced him to remove the hold he had on her waist. He no longer felt locked down; it was time for him to leave her bedroom and return to the safety of his. He needed a place where she was not, somewhere he could calm the storm raging inside of him - and inside his pants. Slowly, because part of him, nearly did not want to leave, he completely detached himself from her. She snuggled into the pillow, looking for the warmth she was missing. Before she had a chance to be awoken by his departure, he slipped out of her bedroom and silently closed the door.
For the first time since his return, he did not feel suffocated. His eyes drifted to right and he stared at the bathroom door. He did not want to do it, he wanted to avoid it but he was not an idiot. He was fairly certain that if she had kept rubbing against him, it would have been his undoing. This would not go away on its own. Although it was better if he got rid of it through his own hands rather than…her stomach. Defeat was obvious in his face as he walked towards the door and opened it. He would have to humiliate himself again. It was not something he was looking forward to but it had to be done. He slipped out of his black pants and light blue shirt before folding them and putting them on the marble counter. He turned on the shower and slid inside. His cock bobbed with every movements he made and it only made it more painful. He had to get rid of this damn erection.
He pressed one of his palm to the wall of the shower, leaning against it. He still had not fixed the tiles. To be fair, things had been a little crazy the past little while. He inhaled deeply before lowering his other hand and wrapped it around his penis. His hand was slightly less hesitant than the last time he did this. He began stroking, a hiss slipping him. It was sensitive after all the time he spent erect, his cock against her ass. The feel of it was vivid in his mind and it sped the process. He did not want to let his mind wander but it did it all on its own. His eyes shut and all he could see was her, her bare stomach and the head of his cock feeling her smooth skin for the first time. It was warm, it was nice and it was foreign. It did not feel like his hand, it was better. But that was not enough, he would need more than that, more than just being pressed against her flesh.
Her hand? Her touch?
Sesshomaru did not have the first clue about what he wanted from Kagome. He did not want to want her. He did not want his own body betraying him.
But despite everything he wanted, despite his best efforts, he came undone once more with thoughts of her filling his head like poison.
-R-
Two whole days.
That was how many days went by since Sesshomaru returned from his trip. He never talked about it and Kagome did not ask. Although, it was clear that something happened during his time away because he was acting different from before. When she woke up the morning following his return, she found herself completely alone. It was to be expected; it was not as though it was an enjoyable moment for him. She did not mind his presence as much as he seemed to mind hers. Sesshomaru helped her and the small conversations that they did have were not the worst in the world. He had a lot to talk about and a lot to share. She could still remember the stories he shared with her back when he first found her in the hospital.
Unfortunately things were complicated at the moment.
When were they not?
She sighed as she tapped the mousepad with her finger, clicking next on the powerpoint. She was attempting to study for her online quiz but her mind refused to focus. There was a hole in her heart, a part of her that missed him. She knew exactly what part; the bond. Since he had been distance upon his return, except for the small moment they shared, it felt as though she never recovered from his missing presence. She wished there was a way for them to fix this. He accepted to help her and ever since then his life went downhill. There was no way she could make it better, but she could make it less painful. It was why she kept her distance even if her body seemed to long for his. What a strange thought. She never thought in her life that she would crave physical contact from Sesshomaru.
It was getting bad. She refrained from soothing the urges - mostly because it embarrassed the hell out of her. Still, the ache in between her thighs liked to torture her by throbbing.
Kagome hit the button "next" a few times rapidly. Sesshomaru would be home soon and she wanted to be done using the computer. If he wanted his space, she would give him his space. Plus, she was rather tired of studying. Her strength was good lately, she was eating more, but - she could not exactly start running marathons and her weight remained low. Since she improved rapidly, she thought her weight gain would be fast but she was wrong. Then again, her stomach still had a hard time digesting most food. After years on fluids, it was not used to it anymore. That certainly did not help her. One step at a time; at least she was alive. Those were the words she told herself when she disliked her reflection in the mirror.
She pinched her lips as she finally reached the last slide. She laid her palm against the black lid of the laptop and closed it shut before getting up on her feet, using the desk as a support. She grabbed her books and headed to her room; she could do some reading. At least it would keep her mind - and hands - occupied. She opened her bedroom door before allowing her body to fall on top of her brown comforter. She shifted her white pillows so that she could sit down comfortably and opened her first book. She read every word, sometimes twice because she got lost in her own thoughts, and kept on flipping the pages. Unfortunately for her, the book did not hold her attention. Kagome sighed heavily before shutting the book close, her hand resting on the red cover.
Kagome tilted her head to the left, glancing at the beige clock on the wall. She still had twenty minutes before Sesshomaru returned from work. She sunk her teeth in her bottom lip, anxious. She rubbed the back of her neck before shifting uncomfortably. She could not. It might be on her mind, especially since that morning, but she could not give in. Ever since she woke up after his return, there was this unsatisfied urge lingering inside of her. It was as though she reached climax but did not at the same time. It was difficult to explain, especially since she herself had only experienced her first orgasm very recently. She was so embarrassed she wanted to hide her face in a pillow. She slouched down in the bed until she was fulling laying down.
She dared to rest a hand on her stomach but did not venture further. Her fingers were tickling her skin as she pushed down while she inhaled deeply. She was right there, at the edge of her jeans, ready to slip into her pants. Her bottom lip quivered while she closed the gap. She ran her fingertips all the way to her core, feeling the wetness already dampening her underwear. The constant wetness had refused to leave her alone. Taking care of it was not the worst thing… right? She did it before… She shook her head at her own silliness and slowly plunged in a finger. She immediately felt herself tighten around the digit and she closed her eyes while she threw her head back. She held her breath while she thrusted it in and out of her, the poodle of heat between her legs increasing with each stroke.
She dug her free hand into the mattress, clutching at the blankets, as he body twisted in pleasure. Her breath was hitched, her heart was racing and she could feel her blood pumping while waves of pleasure traveled through her body. She dared to add another finger, her previous shyness melting away. Her body craved this, craved the attention it was being denied and now that the switch had been flipped, it was as though there was no turning it off. She was lost in her own world where she was finally satisfying a need her body demanded from her for months now. She unclenched the blanket from her hold and let her hand roam closer to her body. It reached her hip and she let it slid down the length of her chest. She never did this before, she did not know where to start. Although her desire was burning through her like fire, her inexperienced left her reticent to explore too much.
Plus, it was not as though she needed the added sensations. The two fingers pumping in and out of her were enough to curl her toes. Of course, her fingers were still tiny. They were nothing compared to Sesshomaru's. A blush spread across her cheeks, adding to the redness that her pleasure was already providing her. A thin layer of sweat coated her short layer of her, some drops dripping down her forehead and onto her nose. Sesshomaru. His fingers were long, manly although slender. Hers were short. Everything about him was bigger, longer. At those words, it was hard to forget about his large length pressed in her backside. Oh god. She had not just thought about that. No, no this was the kind of thoughts that would get them in trouble - that got them in this impossible situation.
She had to control herself, she had to get it under control. It was the only way.
She tried to lift her head, her mind clouded with lust. She could not fall prey to her desires, this was how the bond made her weaker for his touch. It was already difficult enough to be away from him; she did not need to make the situation any harder. She stopped moving her fingers completely but left them inside. She already missed the sensation, the pleasure it provided her. Saddened, she removed her fingers nonetheless. As she raised her hand, juices dripping down the side of it, her eyes caught an unexpected sight: Sesshomaru.
Her eyes widened, her mouth dropped open and she found herself voiceless. How long had he been there? She had not even heard him open the door, much less walk in. His eyes were fixed on her, forcing her to hold his gaze. His amber orbs were narrowed, he made her feel like she was his prey to hunt. She took small breathes, unable to find the will to fill her lungs to full capacity. Meanwhile, the juices leaking down her hand continued their path, making her skin sticky. Her bottom lip trembled as she watched him take his first step in her direction. For the first time, he glanced away. This time, his attention was completely focused on her hand. It was as though it was that he wanted and not her.
"Sesshomaru?" she tried.
He did not answer.
He could not talk, he could not open his mouth and form a single word. If he did that, he would lost the small grip he had on his self control, the one that made sure he did not ravage her despite what his body was telling him to do. His mind was clear for the most part, except for the spicy scent that was trying to cloud his thoughts and his judgment. He came home, never expecting this. As soon as he was inside, his suitcase on the ground, it attacked his nose and never left him alone. At first, he tried to chase it away. He spent a full two minutes with his back pressed to her door, listening to her movements, feeling her body twisting under the pleasure. He never meant to go inside. It happened on its own. His eyes clouded with need and he was inside before he could stop himself. That was when she took her fingers out. He could almost taste her just by the smell.
Sesshomaru was so close to her; he felt his knees hit the edge of the bed. He sat down, taking a long breath which was meant to keep him in better control. He raised a hand and gently wrapped his fingers around her wrist. She never stopped watching him but she made no movement to push him away. How could a scent make him so weak? How could a bond control so much of him? This was not him. He would never do this, he had never wanted to do this. Then again, he was the one who bit her. His youki was strong. It held a strong hold over him and mating was not trivial thing to mess with - he should have known. However, he did refused to give in. He would not sleep with the miko. He might be able to try and use some of the wonderful advice he got from his half-brother. At least then the painful conversation would have a purpose.
Before he even though about stopping it, he brought her fingers to his lips. He heard Kagome hold her breath as his tongue dared out and he tasted her. Her blood froze for a minute while he pondered the taste. It was like a jolt of electricity in his mouth, making its way down to his body. He wanted to lick more, taste it again but he held himself back. He already did it one time too many. He would not repeat it. He was supposed to be fooling around as Inuyasha put it, not doing this. Actually, he had initially meant to avoid her a bit but it only made things worst. He did not like the fact that he thought about her while he pleasured himself, even if it made sense; she was the source of all of his troubles. It should only be fitting that he thought of her.
Regardless, even when he spent his time trying to not touch her, he thought about it and it made him crankier. When he was in a bad mood, it made his shift at work horrible and he had no patience to deal with any of those idiots. That could lead to terrible things - like him melting one of his annoying co-workers with his poison. He wished to avoid that. She was the only way to do so.
He finally raised his head to look at her and he saw the panic in her eyes. She clearly did not understand what he was doing and to be perfectly honest he did not either. Inuyasha's talks were not very clear and it was one thing to hear it and another to apply it. His knowledge of the female body was sufficient but not excellent. He did not have previous experiences to guide him and he absolutely hated to look like an amateur. He released her wrist from his hold and immediately her arm dropped to the bed. He shifted his position so that he was on his knees, his body hovering over hers. He put one hand on each side of her and leaned forward. He pushed his face forward until it was nestled in the crook of her neck. He inhaled deeply, her scent filling his nostrils. It was better than before; the scent of death was gone and only a hint of sickness lingered behind, hiding her real soothing scent.
As his lips brushed against the sensitive spot of her neck, the one pulsing, she tilted her head back. Sesshomaru often touched her and most of the times, he was the one who initiated the contact. She was always a bit afraid to touch him. He did not like it, she knew that; he was not one for physical contact. Also, he never quite seemed to be himself during those moments and she felt like she would break his trance. He was Sesshomaru, he was untouchable. She knew she did not need permission to touch him, and in those hard moments, he might actually welcome her touch but - but. As he kept on exploring her neck, his nose touching, brushing her skin, she raised a shaky hand. She approached it from his shoulder until it was nearly touching but she never actually made contact.
He moved his head forward until his nose was burrowed behind her ear. Right there he could feel her hand near his body. It was rare that she laid a hand on him. He grabbed, he took, but he rarely let her give. He did not like it when others touched his person, especially without permission. Yet, somewhere deep inside, his body craved her touch. Of course, it did. It was supposed to crave it. He knew she would never touch him if he disallowed it. The question was… would he? Did he want to feel her tiny hands roaming over him? Did he want to give her the power to lay her hands on him as she pleased? It was never meant to be so much.
But his body answered all the questions for him as he closed the distance between his shoulder and her small hand. Kagome nearly gasped at the contact but then recovered by enveloping his shoulder with her fingers. Her fingertips dug into his shoulder before she let her hand slide down the length of his arms. Sesshomaru was not extremely large and did not look buff but beneath her fingers she could feel all of his muscles, the shape of his arm and the strength he held. It made her shiver. She was so breakable, tiny, beneath him.
His lips finally reached her chin. He pulled away from her slightly, glancing into her eyes before sneaking a peek at her lips. Kissing was not something they did - except that one time where it was basically an accident. Inuyasha did mention it was an important part of foreplay. He always avoided that road, knowing where it led. Although, at this point they did not have any other step. The need was too great and their control was too weak. His half-brother did share a few tips on how to handle and progress with the kissing, though he was fairly certain his brain blocked part of that conversation. It was never one he thought he would have with Inuyasha and it was, if he dared to qualify it as such, traumatizing.
He looked into her blue eyes, seeing the uncertainty dancing in them. Her hand had made it all the way to his wrist where she was holding on tightly. "Are you comfortable with this?" he finally asked.
She nodded.
She did not know what she was comfortable and uncomfortable with anymore. This should be it and yet - her body was pulsing, the heat was rising to her face and she knew her body would demand more. Every time he touched her, her body sang. It thumped to the beat of his touch. Most of it was due to the bond but she found herself wondering if she wanted this….even just a little bit? Was it all in her head? Was it all the need of the bond that saved her life? She could not tell anything apart at the moment. She knew it felt like she might die if he did not touch her a little more. Though, to be honest, even if none of this desire actually came from her…it was not the worst thing to give in exchange for life.
He never hurt her, he respected her. His touches melted her skin. She could live with it.
"Say it."
"Yes."
He was not sure why he wanted a verbal confirmation. Perhaps because he thought it might stop him, perhaps because he thought she would say no or nothing at all because she was too ashamed. He was wrong on both counts.
Now that she had agreed, what was holding him back?
Sesshomaru tilted his head to the left and approached his lips from his. He heard her hold her breathe as he hovered over her lips as he had done many times. Except this time, he closed the distance. It was not soft, it was not loving; it was slow and rough. His lips began moving against hers and at first, she did nothing. Her second kiss ever. His first ever. She lifted her hand up, resting it against his chest - the proximity still feeling strange - and she began kissing back. Her lips were soft, like her skin. He raised his own hand and rested it behind her head, bringing her mouth even closer to his. It did not take too long to get the hang of it. The kiss was slow at first, each of them, tasting, testing and trying to get familiar into the kiss.
It did not take long for Kagome's second arm to lift so that she could hold on to him by wrapping her arms around his neck. The position was hard for her to hold with her lack of strength. As she did so, she felt his smooth, silky hair resting against her flesh. He noticed the trembling of her muscles and lowered his hand so that he could lay her flat on the bed to make things easier for her. It did render his position slightly awkward. The only way to make it comfortable was to nestle himself between her legs. While never breaking the kiss, he moved a hand to her knees and nudged them apart. She did not resist and he placed himself between her legs which allowed him to lower his body closer to hers and keep on kissing her.
It also pressed his groin right into her core.
Kagome remained sensitive from her recent ministrations. The pressure was enough to make her slip into a greater need. Before she could stop herself she moaned into his mouth.
That made him stop.
He pulled away from her, her eyes hazed in confusion. He never heard her make that sound before. She was damp. He could feel her wetness soaking through her pants and wetting his own. That scent would never go away. He slightly nudged his hips and it was enough for her to close her eyes, pinching her lips to hold back a sound. There was a certain pride in having that power over her, in being able to make her wriggle in pleasure. It was never one he thought he would enjoy but if he had to make the best out of a bad situation… Her lips were plumped, bruised from his kiss. The feeling was nothing like the first time they kissed. His youki was surging through his body, recognizing her as his mate. His youkai blood was being tasted. It made no sense that she bore his mark and yet he never buried himself within her warmth.
It was so enticing that at time he even wonder why he had not. But he was quick to chase those thoughts; he was willing to let his body go but his mind would remain unchanged. He would stay who he was. It was not as though he ever had anything against physical acts. He never found anyone who held his interest - she did not count. It was an obligation, like everything else. Although, it was hardly unpleasant. His body felt the need, it was not as though he was forcing himself to be aroused. He responded to the call. It displeased him slightly but he could not stop it. He already knew that and his brother confirmed it. If at least he could keep himself from sleeping with her, he would win part of the battle.
As he slightly thrusted forward, unconsciously, she involuntarily raised a leg, almost wrapping it around him. It forced his penis pressed against her core and it only made his erection grow in size. He was not against going along with what he could not stop…but this was different. This was the slippery road he was always so afraid of. It had to be enough for now? He was deafened by the need, tortured by the vision and seduced by the taste. If he went back for more, if he assaulted her lips one more time, it might be one time too many. He moved a hand so that he could push her leg down and then dropped by her side. He would not go to his own room yet - his body would probably not let him leave her side.
She remained on her back, staring at the ceiling while breathing heavily.
Her body was on fire, feeling teased. He interrupted before she got her release; it felt like she would cry if she did not obtain some sort of relief. The tears were almost stinging at her eyes. She inhaled deeply once, then twice. She was not reckless. She could get this under control. She never needed this in the past, she did not need it now. It was the bond, she could calm her body. He never moved and neither did she. They stayed that way for minutes before finally, Kagome turned to her side. Her core was still throbbing and it would probably be that way for a while but there was nothing else she could do. She would not beg for me and she would not initiate it. They were already enough on dangerous territories as it were. He did a lot for her, and this was a way she could pay back; keeping her body in check.
They were face to face, instead of their usual spooning, and she could not help the way she stared into his eyes.
Every day, she changed. Every day, he became someone else.
This was never the way she thought it would end up when she agreed to all of this. This was never the life she saw for herself. Yet there was something extremely soothing in lying down by his side and she could not explain it into words.
He wanted to tell her to look away, he did not want her - or anyone - to see this dishevelled version of himself. Every time she was around, she infected him with her humanness. It spread through him like wild fire. When she was near, he lost part of himself.
He did not know what was more displeasing; losing himself or not minding this whole situation as much as he should?
Lust was a dizzy, soothing haze.
-R-
- 14
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- 16
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Red Lotus