Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Red Lotus	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 20070 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 7
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
A/N: Sorry it took so long to write this. I think I re-wrote it like 3 times. I'm not even sure I'm okay with it now. BUT here it is. On the plus side, it's longer than usual!
I totally want to dedicate this to cakeiton for the awesome art she did. You should totally check it out; dokuga.com/gallery?func=detail&id=9967
Red Lotus
Chapter 16: The Proselytizing
The room was quiet, darkness swallowing the entire vicinity. The area was soundless, the only disturbance coming from the soft breathing of a very asleep Sesshomaru. He laid in his bed with his chest bare, his skin brushing against the silky cream color sheets. His arms were tangled beneath his pillow, the sheets barely covering him up to his waist. His long silver hair cascaded down to the side of his face, shielding it from the world. Although he was in a resting state, his senses were on high alert, ready to react to any kind of intrusion that might barge in. As it was the case at the moment. There, fluttering in front of his wooden door, he could feel her pink holy aura as she annoyingly paced.
He pulled back a magenta eyelid, showing a hint of amber, and sighed. She rarely disturbed him; she only did so during important occasions. If she was here, it had to be for a reason. Did he truly want her in the middle of his bedroom during the night? His control wavered easily and he did not wish for her scent to take over everything he owned. But, even if he ignored her presence, she stayed. The best way to deal with this was to get up and talk to her outside. He grabbed the edge of his sheets and tossed them off his body, making sure they did not land on the floor. He slid off the bed, his bare feet hitting the cold floor and his black sleeping pants hung low on his hips, nearly showing a hint of a silver hair trail. In no time he reached the door and wrapped his claw fingers around the bronze doorknob, twisting it open.
Apparently, he was awfully quiet since she never heard him open the door. His action startled her and her head snapped up while her blue eyes searched his face; she was attempting to assess if he was angry with her for interrupting his sleep. Her ever growing short ebony locks were sprawled in every direction while her skinny body was dressed in an oversized grey t-shirt and navy blue sweat pants that hid just how tiny and bony her legs actually were. There was nothing attractive about her body and yet…how many times did his cock ached with need in her presence? Foolishness.
"Yes?"
"I-sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
"Are you injured?"
"No."
"Do you require assistance?"
"No."
"Then what reason do you have to disturb this Sesshomaru in the middle of the night?"
"I - nevermind, I'm sorry."
She was about to turn around and he let his head tilt to the side in annoyance. He would feel the disturbance in her aura the entire night and he would be unable to return to his peaceful sleep. This matter had to be solved immediately if he wished to quietly and serenely returned to his bed before his blaring work alarm woke him. "Kagome," he called out.
His use of her name appeared to surprise her and she stopped in her tracks. She tilted her body slightly, allowing him to see the tip of her nose and a hint of her blue iris. "What do you require?"
A faint red hue painted her sickly pale skin and she lifted her left hand, grasping her opposite elbow with it. She chewed at her bottom lip, dragging on before giving him the answer. Did she truly have to make this matter last longer than it had to?
"Can I come in?"
Inside his bedroom? She wanted to be inside his bedroom? Why would - oh. It was rare for her to come to him with her needs. It was always he who sought her presence when the desire became too much to bear. He supposed that if she actually came to him - it had to be because she could no longer handle it. However, that was quite strange since he did not feel a thing. The usual desire and bond pulsing for completion was present but it was nothing that drove him crazy. Perhaps…they did not always feel it to the same degree. He truly did not want to do it when he did not have to but she always comply without voicing a complaint and it would only be fair if he provided the same when she was in need.
His bare chest heaved while he took a deep breath and finally, he moved out of the way to allow her inside. Her body suffered from a slight tremble while she walked by him, her shirt brushing against his skin as she did so. She entered and he closed the door behind her. He was not sure why; they lived alone, there was no privacy to protect. He did feel a certain shame concerning the acts they did together and closing the door did give him a psychological privacy. It allowed him to think he did not do everything he was doing. It did not make it any less cringe worthy but - it was something.
He stared at her, waiting for her to do something. Did she wish for his permission before sitting on his bed? She was the one who came to him asking for this. He did not know her degree of need or what she expected from him. Did she want him to lead this?
"You may sit."
"Thanks," she said with a shake in her voice.
She eyed the bed, clearly unsure, before slowly sitting, her tiny body sinking into the softness of the mattress. He joined her, leaving a small space between their bodies. He moved his hands to his laps, intertwining his fingers while he patiently waited.
"I - it's been hard."
It was two in the morning. It was no time for chitchat; he wanted to get this over with in the hopes that he may return to sleep.
"I'm sorry to ask this of you… I just…"
"What exactly do you require?"
"I-I'm not sure," she stuttered, her blush deepening.
"If you required something, take it, or leave."
Her eyes met his and he saw the doubt shining in them. She was afraid but he would not be kind, he would not give it to her. He always came and took; if she wanted then she would do the same.
Finally, she moved her hand, resting it on his thigh. Slowly, she shifted it until it reached his hips, near his groin. It was a simple touch, it was nothing, and he could already feel the blood rushing downwards. He held back a growl while he closed his eyes and waited. He was at her mercy and he was uncertain if it was a pleasing thought or not. He was better at taking control than at relinquishing it. Sesshomaru felt the bed shift but he kept his eyelids shut. Suddenly, he felt her holding on to his shoulders for balance while she moved her legs to straddle him. When she lowered her body, resting her core against his, it took no time for his cock to engorge with blood and rise. It pressed against her and he felt her arch her back. This time he had no choice but to open his eyes; he did not know her to be this bold.
"It h-hurts. It hurts so much."
She let her hands glide the side of his arms, grabbing the flesh, kneading it. "Make it stop. I - I can't take it anymore." A few tears slid down her cheeks as she spoke.
He was youkai, it was much easier for him to handle. However, he was led to believe that the fact that she was human made it easier since she did not feel as much. Perhaps he was wrong; it was not as though he truly speak with her about it or if she shared how the whole thing was to handle for her. Perhaps she was skilled at hiding it from him or maybe he never bothered to find out. Nonetheless, the desperation in her voice was hard to ignore. He wanted to get this over with, he wanted to return to his life but there was no going back to any of that.
He moved his hands until they rested on her waist. Tiny, awfully tiny; no meat on her. Her body jolted under his touch and she pressed her body to his. Her small hands touched his skin, sliding across his plane of abs, feeling every muscles with her fingertips. His erection twitched and he let his hands lower to her rear.
"More."
He squeezed what there was to squeeze and she hid her head in the crook of his neck, her lips against the skin. She pressed a kiss, and then another, creating a path all the way to his jaw. She pressed her palms flat against his chest and then moved her head away from his long enough to look into his eyes. He never broke the glance and then she dove in, putting her lips against his. It was nothing like their first kiss. They both knew what they were doing and lips moved in sync as though they had done this many times in the past. He completely wrapped himself around her, flushing their bodies together. He felt the heat of her body and he found himself wanting more. She created the need in him, the one he did not have before she showed up at his door.
She let her fingers tangle in his hair, sliding them through his long locks. "Se-sshomaru?" she inquired while detaching their lips. "More. I need more."
Kagome grabbed his head with her hands, tilting his head back to reveal his neck. She lapped at the skin, tickling at his pulsing point as though she was a youkai ready to lay her mark upon his flesh. She could not and yet the thought of it excited him. He expected her to continue her ministrations on his neck but instead she shocked him with a strange display of strength. She pushed him down, using enough strength to lay him down on his back. A gasp past his lips and then, he inhaled deeply while he watched her. She was not timid, she was a woman on a mission. And it was a look he rarely ever saw in her eyes.
"I need you."
She dragged her body downwards until her knees loudly hit the floor. He was about to rise, to inspect her safety but before he could do anything her hands wrapped around the hem of his pants and slowly began dragging them down. He wanted to stop her but he was unable to do so. Instead, he bore his fangs while the fabric stretched over his erection. She only stopped tugging when his pants reached his ankles. Then, the only thing that stood between her and what seemed to be her goal were his white boxers - and she was eying them. This was foolish. This needed to be stop. He needed to grab her by the wrists and lift her from the ground before it went any further. And yet, his body did not listen to his mind. Instead his amber eyes were locked on her little frame as she grabbed his boxers, her heart thumping.
Need traveled through him while his cock sprung free, the constraints being dragged down his legs before joining his pants around his ankles.
"Kagome," he almost warned. His body might not move but he remained able to speak.
"Doesn't it hurt you?" she asked, her cheeks glistening with the tears she previously shedded.
Yes, yes it hurt. Yes, it overtook his mind and made his regular task painful but - this was a burden he agreed to live with and there was no going back. He could not simply toss what and who he was because he felt desire.
"It would make it better," she said as she created a space for herself between his legs.
He wanted to frown and appear imposing but he could not. All he could do was watch as she wrapped a hand around his pulsing cock and began stroking him. Although she was untouched, she was unfazed by her current actions. The feel of her hand brought unspeakable thoughts through his mind. He wanted her. He wanted those red lips wrapped around the head of his dick while she sucked him off.
And on cue, she read his mind. He watched while she used the grip she had on him to bring his appendage close to her mouth. She made eye contact and never broke it. Then, she lowered her lips until her tongue touched the tip of his cock. One lick, one tease and then, she plunged him right inside her little moist cavern.
He lost it.
He came that instant, filling her mouth with his seed.
Eyes bulged, sweat coated his body.
A dream.
It was a fucking dream.
Sesshomaru sat up in his bed, panting like a dog, while he ran a hand through his bangs. Even now, he could feel those lips, lips he had tasted with his own mouth, wrapped around his cock and it made him pulse. It also made him realize that his sheet were glued to his now flaccid penis. It might have been nothing but a dream but his release was not. He dirtied himself, allowed himself to obtain released from a wet dream. He had officially sunk to a new low - one that was lower than working in a bank like a common human. He did not even want to get out of his bed, he did not even want to wash his sheets. Though, he would have to; he could not stay in this mess. All he could smell was his own shame.
Upon his return from his little trip, he learned that detaching himself from Kagome was getting harder and harder - literally.
For the past three days he chose to keep a bit of distance. He did not join her in bed, he did not kiss her. He kept with the small touches and their TV rituals but he did not push on more interactions and she did not ask any questions. It was best this way. Except he had a taste of more and his body would not let him forget it. Apparently step forwards could be taken but step backs were forbidden. If only it was the worst of it. No, because of course, it got worst. His workplace was filled with mindless, perverted humans. During one of his lunch breaks, he happened to overhear a conversation - all thanks to his super hearing. The men were speaking about blowjobs. He sneered at them and thought nothing of it.
His mind had something else planned for him.
He thought about her, he thought about what she could do to his body. He never pictured it this vividly. He supposed it was fitting; it was a very submissive position. On her knees, pleasing him. It made sense. Although, it hardly meant he desired it.
His cock did. He did not.
Sesshomaru would need to return to her side. Since he kissed her, since she moaned, it became a dangerous path. The newly vivid dream he had was proof of his slipping control. How long would he be able to keep it in his pants? Her humanity was destroying him, taking away what he was. It changed him - and he had no desire to be changed. Yet, in the midst of it all, he barely cared.
How long would he remain himself?
Once he stepped into the road, there was no coming back. Not only that but he would lose everything and gain nothing. Everything he was, everything he always wanted or himself would be taken from him. He would indulge in pleasures he wanted no part of and he would always feel a complete bond towards her. He said that if she let him mate her, he would let her live her life free of him. If she wished to leave she could, and he would never stop her. It was the truth when he said it. Even now, if she walked away from him, he would accept it. He should even be happy about it. However, he knew his reality was very different from that.
The moment she would become fully his - it would be near impossible to let her go. He could not sit in this apartment alone while she would live her life alone or with another man. If she ever bedded another he would feel it, it would destroy him. It was not until he spoke with his half-brother that he realized the gravity of the situation. He attempted to ignore it but it was now made very real. She even took hold of his dreams.
Once he would take her he would be lost to himself forever.
He was not ready for that to happen. He would fight it.
-R-
Tongue lapping at the top of her small breasts. A thumb rubbing her nipple, playing with it, twisting it. All the while, all she could do was shiver in pleasure, locked beneath his hold. He overpowered her, he took her body and he tasted everything she had to offer. And yet, it never felt enough for either of them. Kagome's body thrashed while he began laying a trail of kisses down her stomach, only stopping at the barrier created by her underwear. He slid a claw digit inside, the sharpness of his nail cutting the fabric. She felt her underwear became damp with need and he inhaled the sweet scent. His amber eyes shone with a hue of red she did not recognize and she felt like his prey, cornered with no way to escape.
"I am required to do this."
Yes, he was forced by the bond; she was well aware of that fact. It was the only thing that could bring forth such behaviours from him.
"This Sesshomaru would never touch you this way if he was not force to do it."
Why did he speak out loud all the truths she rather remained silent?
"Once the bond has been taken care of, I will not touch you again."
She did not want this either. It was all because of the bond. It was consensual, she wished for this. She would not stop it simply because outside forces were influencing it. It felt good and he treated her right and with respect - usually at least. There was no reason to bring a halt to it. This was how she was losing her virginity. A virginity she would not have to give if he had not saved her life. Any price was a decent price was it not? How could one actually put a price on life? She was not miserable and when they spoke she could easily enjoy his company and he came to her rescue a few times ever since they began this charade they called a mating and a marriage. He never had to be kind but he was.
"I am left in this situation because of you."
She wanted to ignore his words, focus on the pleasures that were being brought to her but it was extremely difficult. All she could think of was his words. It was perhaps an unfortunate situation? However, did he have to make it sound this painful? Did he have to remind her of how he would never want to touch a human body? He did not want to want her but his body was betraying him and he now had to deal with the consequences; he had to fuck her.
This was not done out of love.
This was not done out of desire.
It was done out of an obligation.
Apparently, the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach could not be ignored. Even if she was willing, even if he came to her out of his own will, it did not make any of it better. She was fine with it, she was fine with the lack of feeling, the dismissal of love. This situation was quite out of her control. She felt things she never felt before. She went with them without complaining. But he - he probably hated it. He never hid the fact that he was not quite comfortable with this. He always explained to her that these kind of things were not activities he wanted to be involved in.
"How troublesome."
Her eyes snapped open.
Beads of sweat dripped down her back, following the path of her spine. Her eyes were wide open, darting into the darkness. She was in her bedroom. The same place where her dream took place. She ran her hand over her forehead, wiping the layer of sweat that had been building up. Her chest was heaving, her bottom lip trembling. Why did such thoughts plague her? This was not new information. These were all facts she accepted a long time ago. It was a cheap price for her life. And yet, the sadness that stirred inside of her heart refused to listen to reason.
Sesshomaru was not in love with her - not that she wanted him to be.
He would never be.
This relationship between them would always be a sort of awkward friendship. Two people who had nothing in common who were brought together by strange twists of fate.
These new changes in her body, her new desires, their progressions…it meant nothing it was nothing. Yet, it was all she had. Her small moments with Sesshomaru chased away some of the darkness that built up inside of her. When she let the world walk over her, he gave her a solid foundation on which to rebuild herself. Although she did not have the first clue as to what she wanted to be. Everything she had, everything she was - it intertwined with him. And although he respected her greatly and always treated her fairly, she meant nothing. She was a fleeting moment in his centuries long life. She was a moment in time where he had to make changes. Once she was gone, he would be back to himself and her impact on his life would be nothing more than a stain on the scroll of time.
But for her? He - he would composed her whole life.
She sighed, letting her arms drop to her side. She needed to clear her mind, she needed to keep these thoughts stashed away. A glass of water - it would do her some good. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, the light powder blue sheets sliding off her skin. Kagome rose to her feet, her white t-shirt falling below her knees, while her black pants sagged low on her waist. She had still not managed to gain enough weight to keep them on properly. Because it was awfully dark in her room, she stretched her arms in front of her and took little steps. She was too clumsy to take a chance and if she fell, she might disturb Sesshomaru.
Everything went well until her foot caught on something.
Something fell on the ground, objects scattering and she thought her fall was imminent.
Luckily for her, she was saved by the edge of the bed and half laid on it as she tried to catch herself. A sigh of relief past her lips before she kneeled on the ground. She roamed her hands on the floor, attempting to find what she had dropped, hoping nothing was broken. She quickly realized that it was her purse that forced her fall. She squinted in the darkness, and managed to gather everything and shove it back into her black leather purse. All except one thing. A brochure. What was that? She put her hand on the bed, helping herself up and marched all the way to the door. Except, instead of exiting the room, she flipped the light switch and stared at the pamphlet in her hands.
Depression. Are you alone? Are you feeling sad and tired? You are not alone. We can help.
It was a brochure for depression? Did she get that at the hospital? She could not remember.
It was not as though she could speak with someone. Nothing about her situation could be explained and the moment she would mention youkais or other things…they would surely lock her away in an asylum. She was okay on her own. She did not need help.
She was okay.
-R-
Something was wrong.
He did not have the first clue about what it was but he knew something was wrong. There was something about her that was not the same. Her attitude? Her looks? Was it her face? He could not tell. He did notice the way she flinched, the way she always maintained a certain distance between them. He did not mind, he did not mention it. However, it was in no way helping the growing sensations inside of him. Sometimes when he looked at her he pictured her saying all those words she said in his dream. He should have known it was a dream. She never voiced how she felt. When she did, her cheeks would flush and she would stutter. Most of their agreements were done in complete silence.
If she spoke he listened but she did not.
Even their little bond was not sharing any insight with him. He felt no different; the constant restlessness was present but everything else was normal.
He tore his eyes away from her and re-focused his attention on the boring newspaper he held in his hands. His eyes shifted from column to column, never truly reading the words while he sipped his black coffee. Although he confirmed no steps back could be taken, he refused to go further into the abyss. His control was slipping enough as it was and all the thoughts that filled his head; her mouth, her on her knees…it was too risky. He carried burden heavier than this, he needed to pull through this.
Kagome grazed her spoon against the edge of her bowl while she took another spoonful of cereals. There was a slight tremble in her arm while she did her best to keep her eyes focused ahead. She knew he looked at her but she was not sure why. Did he have something to say? Did he have something to ask? Perhaps he noticed how weird she was behaving? She was not even sure if she was actually acting strange. It simply felt that way. The dreams plagued her and as much as she wished to forget about it, her mind was clouded by the thoughts of the brochure. Each time she was left to herself, her mind wandered and she questioned herself and her mental state. Was she truly fine?
The sadness became a part of her throughout her disease but it never left, even when she healed. It was her world. She did laugh, she did smile. Wouldn't those things meant she was fine? Yes, she felt sadness when she thought about all she lost. Yes, she felt shame when her eyes glanced upon her body. Yes, others' words did manage to cut through her like a blade. However, did she not make progress? Had she not grown stronger throughout all those hardships? She was better. This bubble, this messed up situation that became her life - it was fine. It was - was it healthy?
She used to speak a lot but she no longer did such a thing. She remained in silence. She did not want to bother her mother and conversations were not an easy thing with Sesshomaru. Did it have to be a bad thing? And how could she speak about any of those things with anyone? It would not make sense. Those burdens were hers. He thought she was strong enough. He compared her to a youkai, a fighter.
Could she do it on her own?
"Sesshomaru?"
He raised his glance, tilting the newspaper backwards. There was a twinkle in her eyes, one that sped flashbacks through his mind but he ignored them all.
"C-could I have the number for the - to call - hm, for the health insurance?"
He quirked an eyebrow, slightly baffled by her request. Why would she need it? Did she have treatments he was not aware of? So far, he had accompanied her every single time. Despite the questions running through his mind, his lips remained shut. Her life was her own just as his life was his. Sometimes their worlds collided but not everything she did concerned him.
"I will write it down before I leave."
"Thank you."
He did not ask. He did not wonder.
And it did not faze her.
-R-
This was a bad idea.
She should not have come here.
Her eyes were darting ahead, staring at the wallpaper - a soft yellow background covered in flowers. The carpet beneath her feet was white though it clearly lost its shine over the years. Her moist hands were resting on her laps while nervousness forced an unpleasant feeling of nausea in the pit of her stomach. She was playing with the fabric of her jeans which were much too big for her. She did not really have a choice since pyjamas were not a proper attire for the outside world and shopping was absolutely out of the question.
She swallowed hard, staring at the old white clock that hung above the door. Perhaps it was not too late to call back her mother: she might be willing to pick her up. She could not even be that far already.
"Mrs. Taisho?"
Did she need this? It was not as if she could be honest or even share much about the current situation she was... or even her past. But she called. Why did she call?
"Mrs. Taisho?"
Kagome frowned before looking around in the empty room. Suddenly it dawned upon her that she was the only one in the empty room. Taisho. Taisho. That was her! She was an idiot. A blush crept on her cheeks and she clutched her light grey handbag against her chest tightly.
"Sorry. I'm here."
She used the metal black chair to lift herself and followed the woman. She watched the woman's brown wavy locks swirl from left to right with each step she took, her black earrings clicking with every movement. Her heart raced, tingles of numbness traveling through her fingers. She tried to breathe silently but it proved to be a harder task than expected. She wanted to run away. This was one fight she had no desire to go through. She would lose this one. There was a door, a lock somewhere deep inside of her. She always knew it was there. She locked those feelings away herself. There were very few ways to survive everything she went through during her cancer. Her imminent death, which she had accepted, the heartbreak of her family, which she tolerated, and all the future that never would be. The only way to survive it all, before death, was to become another person.
And she did.
She became a miserable human being. The shadow of her past self. And it worked for her.
It allowed her to see her mother's tired eyes, red from the lack of sleep and all the tears shed, and still smile and hope. Hope that one day, her mother would no longer cry over her. Hope that her family would not hate her for dying.
Now, she lived.
And through every situation, through every curve life threw at her, she realized that - there was no going back to who she used to be but there was no way she could remain who she currently was.
After what appeared to be forever, Kagome walked into a small office. The lady who led her there remained behind and closed the door, taking away any escape option Kagome might have. She held her breathe while she looked over to the cherry wooden desk. A woman was sitting there, red hair pulled into a tight bun, no locks out of place, while a pair of silver glasses hung on the bridge of her narrow nose. She was scribbling down a sheet of paper with a golden pen. As soon as the door clicked closed, she raised her head, aware of Kagome's presence. Kagome took a few steps forward, her hands locked together in front of her while her discomfort only kept growing in size.
Why was she not saying anything?
The woman tilted her head to the left, showing her shiny light chocolate eyes. Her lips tugged into a smile and she rose from her chair by pushing it backwards. "Kagome Taisho?" she asked while closing the distance between them.
"Mm, yes."
She tilted her head, seeming interested by the way Kagome answered. "I am Dr. Izu." She took two steps back and gestured to the brown leather couch behind her. "Please, have a seat."
Kagome shyly nodded and began walking towards the couch. She thought she would be nervous but this was nothing like she expected. This woman was not a friend, she was inspecting every movement, every word, to try and analyze. There was nothing wrong with that; it was her job after all. However, it did not make this situation any easier. If she lied - and she would have to - she would know. And then what would be the point? What if she made her share things that were not supposed to be shared? She should have trusted her instincts, she should have left. It was too late now. She had to get through this, through this one session and then - and then she would never come again.
Her body was full of twitch by the time she sat down. Her back was straight, her posture was awkward but she kept her head high nonetheless.
Dr. Izu joined her, sitting in a small chair right across from the couch. She crossed her legs, causing her black skirt to rise up above her knees. She adjusted her glasses, the smile never faltering from her face.
"Is it your first time?"
Kagome nodded.
"There is no need to be nervous. Why are you nervous?"
Lie. Do not lie. Which one? "I'm - I'm not sure this is a good idea."
"Why not?"
Kagome clenched her toes, trying to come up with an impossible answer to the difficult question that was asked. "I think I'm fine."
"Then why did you seek help?"
Because - because her world was a mess and she felt lost for a moment. She wanted to enjoy life again, she wanted to stand on her own and she - she wanted to be able to deal with what would happen between Sesshomaru and her. He was kind, he was nice to her. She was not like him. She was human. He might be able to keep all feelings at bay but she was not the same. No, she would not fall in love with Sesshomaru. However, it would be hard to feel nothing at all once they - they shared that experience together. It was not a relationship. He would not comfort her, he would not love her. In the end, she would be alone, despite all the needs and emptiness he would fill when they would be together.
"I had - I have cancer - lung cancer."
"Had?"
Apparently she did not miss that little slip. Technically she should not be thinking it was gone forever. If it was not for the mating it would not be. "I'm - recovering. Miracle."
"Is it gone?"
"Yes." Not completely but…it would be.
"And because of that you are here?"
Kagome sunk her teeth in her bottom lip, dying to chew it. She could not show how she felt. Although, she was not even certain what to tell Dr. Izu. The reasons for her presence were all jumbling in her head.
"I don't know."
"That's a start," she answered with a smile.
"How is that an answer?"
"It's not. But we will find it." Kagome was about to open her mouth to protest but Dr. Izu was faster than her. "Why don't you begin by telling me a little bit about yourself?"
There was not much to tell. At least, not much she could share. "I - hm, I'm taking online classes. I - I never finished high school, so. And mm, I - I'm married."
Dr. Izu stared at her, the kind expression on her face never leaving. Although it felt as though she was waiting. Was she supposed to say more? What else was there to say about herself? "I - I have a brother. I used to live with my mother and grandfather."
"What about your father?"
"He passed away when I was a child."
"What of your husband?"
"He's a - kind man. He saved me."
"He saved you?"
"He, he stayed with me, he helped me through the cancer." It was not really a lie was it?
"How long have you two been together?"
"It's - we knew each other for a long time before - before we got married." Half-truth. She had known him for what was technically five hundred years. That made him a very old friend did it not? The more sort of truth she could tell, the more comfortable she would be.
"Do you have problems with him?"
"No." The answer slipped out quicker than she expected. Was it not part of the problem?
"Then you are here about yourself?"
The question rung in her ears like a death sentence. Was this something she was doing for herself? She faked smiles, she put up strength she did not have for the sake of others. She sacrificed part of her life to fix a mistake she did, to help others and it gave her cancer. She put herself in harm's way, she loved, she cried and she willingly would have let her own life perish for the sake of those she loved. It was not about herself. The first time she witnessed hints of selfishness within her was - was when she was with Sesshomaru. She did not burden him with her troubles but she took.
In his presence, she became selfish, she thought of herself. He was right, she did transform. She could not be a miko anymore, at least not fully. She learned to let go of the light that always surrounded her.
She wanted, she craved, she desired.
And that had to be alright. She had to be allowed to want things for herself. She had to want to become someone else. If she did not begin to listen to herself, she feared she might slip away, she might lose herself in the pain, in the sadness.
"Yes."
-R-
- 15
- 16
- 17
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Red Lotus