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Red Lotus	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 20072 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 7
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 17
- 18
- 19
A/N: I know things may seem a little slow but I have this whole thing planned out and I need to lay the foundations because... a few big things are coming in the next chapters and I need it to be all set up! I mean if you really read careful, you might just guess wha'ts coming. ;)
Red Lotus
Chapter 18: The Provenance
Silence.
She did not like it. In fact, she despised it. It made her uncomfortable, it left her with her own thoughts and she hated that. It was probably the reason why Dr. Izu thought it was a great idea to let a silence fill the room while she scribbled down some notes. What in the world could she even be writing about? Kagome had barely said anything since she got into her office. How could she? She was afraid to blur out that she had feelings for her husband. Which in a normal situation would be what was expected but in her case it was just a whole lot of trouble and confusion. It was actually something that kept her up at night. How could she sleep, how could she rest, knowing how she felt about Sesshoomaru?
What she had with Sesshomaru - it was supposed to be physical, a bond bringing them together.
She certainly was never meant to have feelings for him. Granted, it was not as though she was in love with him. Then she would be really screwed. No, it was more just - she liked him. She wished she could deny that truth but it was impossible. She was not like him; she could not remain emotionless. The events kept pilling up and it was hard to ignore all the little things that made her like him. She should not but she did. Obviously, she had no intention on telling him; it was not as though he felt the same or ever would. It would only complicate their situation further. Plus, it might eventually go away. She was overwhelmed with too many emotions. Sadness, desire; they all swirled together inside of her.
"How are you feeling today?"
"Good," she answered almost too quickly.
Izu nodded. "What did you do today?"
"I came here."
What else could she do? She made sure to take her appointments in the morning, a little after Sesshomaru left for work. She wanted to be home before he returned. Except that, her choices were limited. She did not have a vehicle, not that she could drive one anyway, and she had nowhere to go. She already felt bad enough that her mother had to drive her around, she would not ask for more than that.
"I know you are taking online classes. Are you still doing that?"
"Yes."
"What about work?"
Kagome shifted in her seat, slightly uncomfortable. "I thought about it." She was stuck in a house all day long; who would not think about getting out? "But, I'm still recovering and I don't really have any work experience." Getting sick right after coming back from the past did not really allow her to build a great resume.
"There are a few things you could do."
"What kind of things?"
"You could begin with some volunteer work. A lot of cancer foundations welcome recovering patients."
She had not thought about that. Kagome did not like being the cancer girl, or the way people spoke about her or judge her - like those awful women. She did not need anyone commenting on her body's state or anything like that. And she hated the looks of pity, god did she hate those. If she went in a place like that… it would be all she got. On top of that, there would be the guilt. She was going to get better, there was no doubt about that. There was no way her cancer would return. However, the same could not be said about all the other patients in remission. She was lucky, she had a gift that they did not have. How could she look them in the eye knowing she got off easy and they would always have that threat looming over their heads?
"I'm not sure if it's a great idea."
Dr. Izu nodded. Then, she leaned to the side and retrieved a few pamphlets from her briefcase. "In case you change your mind," she said as she handed them over to her.
"Thank you," she replied as she took them. She stuffed them in her bag and leaned back into her seat. She forced her knees together, causing the extra loose fabric of her jeans to bundle. Maybe clothes shopping should be on her list. Although, with what money could she buy new clothes? The best thing to do was wait until she could fit back into her old clothes.
"Do you go on any dates with your husband?"
Again. Dr. Izu often changed the subject back to Sesshomaru. Kagome was starting to think she had her suspicions about what was going on. She did realize Kagome had feelings for him before she herself came to that conclusion. She did not like this. She knew she needed this therapy, this counselling and everything that came with it; she could not escape the spiral of darkness on her own. However, some of the realizations she made in therapy were terrifying. She was not certain she wanted to dwell further on some topics. Sesshomaru being one of those topics.
"He's really busy with work. And I - it's hard and I mean -" Some words were left unspoken because she was ashamed to say them out loud. Yet, as she watched her therapist, her bottom lip trembling, she saw that Dr. Izu was waiting for her to complete her sentence. Why did she have to torture her like that? "People stare."
"At you?"
She nodded.
She did her best to ignore them and truly, she was doing better than before. When she last attended an event for Sesshomaru's work, she was more comfortable in her skin. Regardless, a date involved a lot of public and unwanted attention and she was not sure she was ready for that step yet. Also, Sesshomaru was not a big fan of the human world and why in the heck would he want to go on a date with her? He did take her out when he first found her but he thought she was dying and - well it was not exactly a date. Anything that was done out of an obligation could not be a date.
"How do their stares make you feel?"
"Weird. Like I should be ashamed of myself."
"Why?"
"Because they judge, and they stare and they don't even know!" The last bit came out angrier than she anticipated, her eyes widening at her own tone of voice.
"What about Sesshomaru?"
"What about him?"
"How does he feel when people stare?"
She wanted to scoff but she held herself back. Sesshomaru was not one to concern himself with the opinions of lowly humans. "He doesn't care. He's really good at ignoring that kind of stuff." He did not care that people saw him with her. He did not care about their harmful words. He ignored it all and he went on with his life as though they were ignorant insects. She truly envied that about him.
"So it doesn't bother him?"
"Never."
He even tried to help her, fix her, when she let those kind of words hurt her. She never knew why he did it but it was just one of those things she could add to the growing list of reasons why she might like him.
"I think you should try going on a date with your husband."
"What?"
"I believe it might be good for you."
It would be the last thing that would be good for her. Ever since she had that realization, she knew she had to try and limit their interactions to the physical ones. If she went on a date, they would have to talk and - and she would be bothering him. She was an obligation, she imposed on him, on his life. He made a sacrifice and allowed her to live. The least she could do was make his life was bearable as possible. She refused to burden him further.
"I'll try," she lied.
What else could she do? She could not tell her the truth.
"Kagome, may I ask you a question?"
Kagome felt her blood freeze and suddenly, she held her breathe. Her fingers fumbled with the hem of her shirt while she managed to nod. Dr. Izu had never asked her permission to ask questions before. It almost left her terrified to know what the question was. She ran her tongue over her lips, a ball of stress stuck in her throat.
"Are you physically active with your husband?"
Oh. Oh. Oh! Kagome felt the heat rush to her face and she was forced to look at the ground, unable to hold her therapist's glance. Memories of caresses and touches traveled through her mind while she had to crisp her hands to prevent them from shaking. Her ears turned red and she began to shuffle her feet. What could she answer to that? Dr. Izu could easily tell she was embarrassed and there was no point denying it. It was a bit easier to lie when it was about how they met, what they did but their sex life? Could she pull that one off?
"Hm, we- hm." They never had sex. Would that be right? Married couples had sex why would they not? Most importantly, why did she ask? Did she see something? She had to know! It was the only explanation for all the questions. "We haven't," she finally admitted in a rushed breath.
"You haven't been lately?"
Why, why, why. She was going to make her say it wasn't she?
Kagome swallowed hard. "We've never…"
And then she saw it; surprised. It did not show, there was not even a twinkle of it in Dr. Izu's eyes but Kagome knew she was surprised. How could she not be? It was not normal. Then again, nothing about their relationship was normal.
"I - I was waiting until marriage and then - I was so sick…" Sort of a lie, sort of the truth? Even if she had been interested in Sesshomaru, she had been too weak back then. As for waiting for marriage, it was the respectful thing to do. She never truly thought about it, she was never given a chance, but she might have gone down that route.
"And since your recovery?"
"It's em, well, physical… it's - hard…"
"You're not comfortable in your body?"
No. Yes. No, she was not but it was not the only reason why. Then again, she thought she would feel disgusting when he would see her, look upon her body but it was quite the opposite. It made her feel attractive because he wanted her. Still, she would have to lie on this one. At least it made more sense than the reality.
"No."
Dr. Izu scribbled down with her pen and Kagome held her breathe.
"You should try being physical with your husband. Slowly. Little things. Things that make you both happy and comfortable. It should not be an obligation, it should be fun."
Well, they were already doing that and she highly doubted that whatever they did made either of them comfortable or happy. It was a task, it was something they did because they needed it. The simple fact of thinking about it had her dying from shame.
She did manage to nod but she refused to look her in the eyes.
Sesshomaru and her fooling around for fun. And comfortably.
That was never going to happen.
-R-
"Sesshomaru!"
At the sound of his name, he rubbed his lips together, turning them white. He composed himself and then turned his head to look at his boss. "Sir?" he asked, the word leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.
"How are you today?" he inquired with a smile as he leaned against Sesshomaru's cubicle.
"Fine."
His boss brought his white mug to his mouth, revealing the #1 Dad that was written in black on the side. When he spotted Sesshomaru staring at it, he grinned. "My son gave it to me for my birthday. Nice huh?"
"Yes." No. It was just a stupid mug.
"Maybe you'll have one of your own one day."
"Yes, perhaps."
"Have you and your wife talked about having kids?"
Sesshomaru held back the sigh that was burning in his lungs. Why was everyone trying to pry into his private life all of the sudden? He was usually invisible, blended in with the background and everyone left him alone. Ever since he married Kagome, everyone had been all up in his business, asking him question after question. It was true that marrying a cancer recovering woman did attract a bit of attention - more than he had hoped. Plus, why did everyone insist on asking if he planned on having a family? He probably looked old enough in human years to be a father but - it did not mean he wanted to be one. Most of these fools did not have kids and nobody bothered them about it. Why him?
"Not really."
Sesshomaru was a good worker. He did all of his work on time, it was flawless and he never caught him goofing around in the office. Really, he was a model employee, except for one thing; he was not very social. He did not talk, he never joked, he never went out of his way to have a conversation. He could have gotten a promotion already, but he was hesitant to give him one. He did plan a wonderful event with his wife but - he felt some of that came from her rather than him. He could not afford to have someone like that in a more important position. He would need to socialize and speak with a lot of important people. Could Sesshomaru pull it off? At least if he had a family it would make him more likeable, and it would give him a way to bond with people.
Perhaps one day he would be ready for a more important position. Not today though.
"You should. You would have wonderful kids. You're wife is absolutely magnificent."
"Yes, she is."
"Well, good work, Sesshomaru. Keep at it."
His body was less rigid and stiff as he felt his boss leave. At least it did not last during the whole lunch like with those idiots the other day. He wanted them all to leave him alone. He wished he was back in the feudal era where he could pulse his aura to chase away all the unwanted attention. Unfortunately, things were different in this new world. Kids, marriage. It was all those people thought about. Idiots. Did he not have enough problems with Kagome as it was? That night. Two nights ago - he almost slipped. He meant to take more than usual but he almost took everything. Since then, it was difficult to take a step back. He remembered the feelings, the sights and it was hard to return to holding her at night.
He wanted her, he wanted her body.
He had meant to push back the inevitable as much as possible and now he felt like he was losing the fight.
At night, he was plagued with even more fantasies and - he might have to give into one of them. If he did that, he would avoid taking her. It was a hopeless fight but he would be ashamed of himself if he did not fight it as long as he could. He was not a mindless animal, he did not have to give into his urges the moment they pulsed through him. He had to be the one in control.
A kid.
Did he not explain himself enough on the topic? He would first try to find a suitable youkai, and then think about it. If there were no options, he might consider diluting his bloodline, which was a fact he might have to accept. Still, the time was not now. Why would he want a child…with her? Granted, it was something he perhaps should have done in the past when he had more options. When was the last time he saw a full blooded youkai? It had been a while. And he certainly did not see any female. He sighed. It was all their faults; they kept talking about family and kids. It was never a topic that bothered him before. So he would have to do what his half-brother did. Because the more he waited, the less options he had.
So what?
He turned his head to the side, staring into one of his co-workers' cubicle. Like many others, he had pictures of his family cluttering his desk. One of them was his wife - at least Sesshomaru assumed it was - and the other was their child. The woman had long dark locks and bangs which reminded him of how Kagome used to look like. She also used to be a mother to a child about that age. The fox. She was a good mother to it - at least he assumed she was. The child was always well when he saw it and he turned out to be a fine youkai. All because Kagome raised him. Of course she would want children. She was a mother when she was nothing more than a child. Why would that feeling go away?
To have them, she would have to meet someone else. Leave his side.
Which was always the plan was it not?
She should be a mother, she was good at it. And he saved her life so that she could have… a life. There was no reason why she should not.
Yes, she would have to leave and be with someone else. Lay with someone else. While she bore his mark of course.
Which was fine. It was always fine, it was always the plan.
And yet, there was this growl waiting to erupt from him. It was a reaction that was to be expected. Their bond was working awfully hard to get them to complete it. As a mate, he should not want her to be with anyone else. She was supposed to be his. It would a be a reality he intended on dealing with as it would present itself. She was not his even if she was his mate and his wife. He would let her go the moment she would express the need to do so.
Sesshomaru unclenched his hands, which had formed into fists while those thoughts filled his mind. He inhaled deeply and re-focused his attention on the work in front of him. She would have a life of her own and he would do the same. Although, he would more be like waiting it out until humans were no longer the ones in charge anymore. They would fall, they always fell. It was in their natures; they became too greedy and they took too much. It was even one of the reasons he waited to have an heir. If he could not take a full youkai, why would he want one of those tainted humans? Perhaps a hanyou. It would be all that was left.
She would have kids of her own.
He would have an heir on his own.
One day, their paths would lead them in different directions and it was fine that way.
-R-
Public transportation.
It was not something she used often, especially in fear that she might not have enough energy to make the whole trip back home. Although, she was starting to realize that she was hanging on to old fears. She was not in a terrible shape; she was doing way better than before and yet she did not trust her body to hold up. Perhaps it was time she started testing her limits; although she would have to do that in a much safer environment than in the bus. She was not a fan of passing out surrounded by all these people she did not know. Perhaps there was something she could try at home? She already knew that stairs were not her friend, so that was a starting point.
Her mother had not been a fan of the bus either. When Kagome had called her to let her know she did not need a ride home, Miyu had been more than hesitant. Still, after Kagome insisted enough, she let her get away with it. She explained to her mother that it was only one bus and it would almost drop her right in front of the apartment. However, her mother did make her promise she would call the moment she would get home. Of course she would. She did not intend on worrying her mother anymore than she had to. She had to try the bus, she had to try and see if she could do it. At least it would relieve her from asking her mother for a ride. She had things to do and she was not her chauffeur.
Plus, it was not so bad. She was sitting down. She looked so sick that people offered her a seat in the crammed up bus. If she could sit down, then she could deal with this no problem. It was not an issue.
She had gone through the trouble of checking the buses that came near the house after the little incident. She did not want to risk arriving after Sesshomaru again. She had not dared to test it yet but - after her session with Izu, she felt like she needed to do something on her own and apparently this was it. This way, she would not have to rely on her mother, on Sesshomaru or anyone else. Although, it did cost money and money was something she did not have. Technically Sesshomaru's money was her money but she did not want to go down that road. He gave her enough as it was and she was not about to take his hard earned money from him. Perhaps she should look into some volunteer work; it would prepare her for the real job market.
Everything was tossing and buzzing in her head.
Too many problems, not enough answers.
As if all of it was not enough, the bus came took a sharp unexpected turn which forced her to the side. She was about to fall off her seat when a hand wrapped around her waist and held her up. Once the bus returned to a straight line, she felt her cheeks burning like fire as the stranger removed his arm from around her. She managed to steady herself and then glanced up at the stranger.
Nothing prepared her for that.
"H-hojo?"
There was a hint of confusion on his face before his features transformed; his dark blue eyes widened, his lips parted and a twinkle of happiness formed in his eyes before his mouth tugged into a smile. "Kagome!" She saw his eyes darting around, probably trying to adjust to her new appearance. "I - wow, it's been so long! How are you?" he asked, obviously excited.
She would be lying if she said she was not glad that he did not mention anything about her short hair or her obvious weightloss. "I'm - I'm good," she said, forcing a smile on her face. "How are you?"
"I'm great! Are you attending Tokyo U as well?"
Tokyo University? This was the bus? Yeah no, there would be no university for her. Probably never. It would take her years to catch up on all the school she missed and frankly, it seemed like an impossible task most of the times. She would do something that did not require university. Life made choices for her and now she had to deal with the cards that were given to her.
"Oh no, I'm just going home."
"You left the shrine?"
"Mhmm," she replied, her lips pinched. Oh boy, this was one story she did not want to get into. Suddenly, she found herself hiding her hand; the one where she wore her wedding ring. She spent her entire morning lying and she did not feel like doing it anymore. She would only see Hojo for a few minutes, she did not want to get into her life story, she did not want to lie. She wanted to just be a normal person with a normal life - for five seconds.
"That's great! I'm so glad to hear that. You were so sick in high school."
She held back the scoff. Yeah, she pretended to be so sick for years and then it actually turned out to be true. Karma was indeed a bitch. "I'm better now." She looked worst than before, but it was the truth.
"I'm so happy. I was so worried about you back then. And then you did not come to class and… I'm just glad you're okay!"
She forced another smile, nodding her head.
"Oh that's my stop," he said while he stared out the window. "Do- do you want to get coffee sometimes?"
"Oh - hm." She did not plan on seeing Hojo again. It was a strange meeting in a bus right? She spent her entire high school years trying to avoid the poor guy. Although - this was a different time, a different situation. There was no way Hojo was still in love with her, especially not after all this time. It might be nice… to get out? The tipping point was the fact that not once did she see that look of pity in his eyes. She could try it, she could do it. "Sure."
He smiled brightly at her before opening one of his notebooks. He quickly scribbled on one of the pages and then tore it off before handing it to her. "My phone number. Just text me!" He waved at her while heading towards the door and she waved back.
Kagome watched him get off, her heart hammering. This was overwhelming. She was out and about on her own, in a bus, she was meeting an old friend. For a second there, if she ignored all the little details, it almost felt like she had a normal life and she longed for it. This was what it was like to be normal, to not carry around all the baggage she had. Unfortunately, it would never be her reality. Even if she got better, even if she let go of the growing darkness inside of her, all the past, everything that happened to her would still be there. It would be a part of who she was and she could carry it around everywhere she went.
She leaned back into her seat, the blue cushion squeezing beneath her weight. She turned her head, watching Hojo walk towards the life he worked so hard for and she smiled. At least some people's dream came true.
Before Kagome knew it, it was her stop and she pulled on the string. The bus driver came to a stop and she thanked him before getting off the bus. She made her way upstairs, taking her time to go up each step this time. Taking the bus could be exhausting, even if she was sitting down, and she did not want to be out of breathe once she would reach the apartment. Fortunately for her, she was fine by the time she unlocked the door. As expected, the apartment was empty. She dropped her bag beside the door and removed her jacket, hanging on the coat hanger.
She headed for the couch and leaned into it. Kagome looked down at her hands, seeing her wedding ring in her finger. The one she hid. It was not really like she hid it… they were not really a couple. It was all pretends and she was sick of lying. Did that make her a bad person? She was certain that Sesshomaru was not going around, bragging about being married. There was no reason for her to feel bad was there? No, no there was not. He wanted her to go out and have her own life and this was exactly what she intended on doing. It was fine, yes it was.
In the midst of her guilt trip, the sound of the doorknob twisting echoed, and she jumped up. Her fingers wrapped around the couch, a hint of worry pulsing through her; who was it at this time of day? It was not until she heard the sound of the key that her heartbeat settled down; only Sesshomaru had the key. Although she did not have a clue as to why he was coming home so early, it was very unlike him. She watched the door, her eyebrows furrowed. She was tempted to say he might be sick but she knew he did not get sick, at least not unless she did. And she had been feeling well for the past little while.
Finally, the door opened and Sesshomaru walked in. Clearly he had not expected to find her staring at him so intensively. He appeared to be taken back for a second but quickly recovered as he dropped his briefcase on the ground. Her lips were pinched and she did not dare to ask any questions. It was the way they worked. He did not ask her where she was and she did not ask him either. It was not a relationship - it was a friendship. She inhaled deeply and finally tore her eyes away from him before focusing her glance on the closed television. That was not going to be very believable! She began fidgeting while she played with the hem of her shirt, much like she would do when she was nervous in presence of Dr. Izu.
Sesshomaru removed his light grey jacket and hung it behind the door. He walked past her and went straight for the kitchen. The television was closed and yet she stared at it.
"There was a power outage at the bank."
"Oh." That explained it.
She had a layer of sweat on her forehead. She had been doing something, though he did not know what. There was a flush in her cheeks and she was looking anywhere but at him. There was something he was missing. What was it? He let his fingers trail along the marble counter, his amber eyes watching her, inspecting her. What was it? His nostrils flared for a second and it hit him; there was this scent on her. Sure, she had come on with different scents for the past little while but he knew she had been out of the house, it was normal. No, no this scent was different. Despite his best judgement, he took a step forward and then another. All the while, she never glanced at him. Soon, he regretted his actions.
The scent hit him; it was a man's scent.
It was not someone she bumped into, it was not someone who brushed up against her. The scent was on her - near her breasts. There was another man's scent on her, on her body. He felt a rage slip into his blood, a rumble ready to emerge - one that resembled the growl he emitted when he learned she had kissed his half-brother in the past. He clenched his hands, taking a few deep breaths. He could not let this get the best of him. He wanted to chase the thoughts, the scent away, but slowly, his mind began putting the pieces together. She left home. She returned late. She did not tell him where she went. She had another man's scent on her. Was she seeing someone else? Actually, just seeing someone… she was not with him, she was not cheating on him.
She was not even his.
His lips flattened, his breathing noisy. She was not his. He was prepared for this, it was what he thought would always happen. She would find someone else, move on and leave. It was the plan. But if it was the plan, why did it bother him? Someone else touching her first, someone else taking her first. His possessive mind would not let go of those thoughts. Would this be the way he would constantly feel once she would leave? Or was it because the bond was not completely and he wanted her? If he took her, it would go away, he could let her go to her boyfriend. But she might not want this anymore. She might wish to be with this new man. She did leave the house for him - often. It was not something she did before.
Meanwhile, Kagome stared at Sesshomaru, wondering why he was looking at her so intensively. He did not have that lustful look in his eyes; it was because of something else. Actually, he almost looked mad, why would he be mad? She tried to follow his gaze only to find herself staring at her chest. Her body's posture loosened and she narrowed her eyes; her chest? No, he did not want her, it was not why. The skin was tightened around his eyes, his jaw was clenched and she could see the faint tremble of his body; he was trying to control himself…or maybe calm down? She had seen that expression on Inuyasha before. She blinked, scrambling her brain for an answer when it suddenly hit her; Hojo.
He caught her before she fell. She must have his scent all over her.
He was… jealous?
Somehow, she could not quite picture it. Yes, she saw him envious, especially when he wanted Inuyasha's sword but this was something entirely different.
"I saw an old friend today."
Sesshomaru did not like human emotions, she was well aware of that. Often, when she was upset, he did provide her with some wordily comfort. He even went as far as to say she was strong, she should see herself as a youkai. The less she could do was help him calm down from unwanted emotions.
"On the bus. I almost fell and he caught me," she said quietly. "Didn't really expect anyone to recognize me anymore…"
He heard her words but at first it felt like he was in another world. She knew. She knew how he felt. It was the only reason why she spoke up about it. Had he become that transparent? Could he no longer keep it hidden? She knew he was prey to pity human emotions and he let them win. The thoughts of her being with another was enough to break his stoic mask and stir rage inside of his chest. He knew the truth, he knew she would not lie and yet it did nothing to ease the emotions that had risen inside of him. They refused to die down, they refused to go away. It was not enough. The wrath had been set free and he needed a way to lessen it. More than that; he was now curious. He thought she had someone but it turned out to be wrong.
Then where did she go?
It seemed like a recurring event. She kept leaving, she kept returning with foreign scent. Although one always remained the same, it was a hint of lemon furniture polish. Where did she get it? Where did she go?
He was not supposed to ask. She was entitled to her privacy but - but now he wondered. Today she saw someone - an old friend. But all the other days? No he would not ask because it was none of his business. He did not even know why he wanted that knowledge. It would make no difference in his life. Their two lives had become intertwined enough as it was. He did not need to mingle them anymore than they already were. Sesshomaru let his arms fall limp by his side and slowly he closed the distance between them. He sat on the couch, the cushion softening, caving in beneath his weight. He let his back tilt backwards, trying to relax. He could feel her eyes on him, questions burning in them, but just like him she did not ask a single thing. This was what they did. They never spoke - about anything.
"You leave the house."
Her body stiffened, her eyes darted left, and she saw he was looking straight ahead. What did he want her to say to him? She thought he would ask when she first inquired about the insurance's number but he did not. She thought he would ask when she came home after him, but he did not. Why did he want to know why? She should tell him, there was nothing wrong with what she was doing; plenty of people saw a therapist. And yet, she felt a shaking in her bottom lip. Because it was more than that; why did he care? She did not want him to care. She did not want him to be nice or to act like a boyfriend or a spouse might act - because he would never be that person. She was already giving so much of herself to him and… she was not certain she could handle giving more than she already was.
"Yes."
She was not going to tell him unless he asked? He did not want to ask, he did not care. And yet all he could think at that moment was that man's scent on her and how much he wanted to take it away. Was there someone else, except him? Maybe she showered, maybe he never noticed. And yet, he knew Kagome was not the type of woman to go around and sleep around. She was honest and she remained… virginal. The mystery never bothered him. He figured if it was something she wanted to share she would. But now things were different; he wanted to know. A low growl escape his throat and he closed the distance between them. He glanced into her blue eyes and she never broke the stare. He bent over, leaned in until his nose brushed up right beneath her breasts. He looked up at her and she shifted her position, giving him better access.
He was so close, he should be smelling him but instead, he smelled her spiciness. He let the scent sink in and finally, he closed his amber eyes.
She felt him wrap his arms around her waist and her chest shook with each breathe she took. All she could think about was her little session with Dr. Izu and what she told her to do. Having Sesshomaru so close, his instincts threatening to kick in, she knew she could not ask him to do any of the things Dr. Izu wanted her to do. Dates were a bad idea for her. Physical contact was a bad idea for him. It was simply asking too much of either of them. It was best to pretend it did not work out. She would not ask, she would not demand more than he could give. She also would not tell him more than she could handle and so, unless he asked, she would not tell him. She needed to keep something from him. If she kept secrets, it would taint their relationship. If it was tainted, if she kept things from him, he might remain distant and cold.
And if he did that, maybe she could stop liking him.
Just maybe.
-R-
- 17
- 18
- 19
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Red Lotus