What Are You?

Chapter Nineteen
Denial

I was sick. I hadn’t been sick since I was a child. That alone infuriated me. What was really annoying, though, was keeping my sickness from Rin and Jaken. Aun probably knew how sick I was, and the other two were probably beginning to catch on, too. But, damn it. I was not going to get sick. I couldn’t afford to get sick. This was ridiculous. I, Sesshomaru, was immune to all poisons, most demon attacks were useless against me, and I was the most powerful youkai ever to exist. So, why the hell was I sick?!
I was wondering all this as I vomited for the second time, and the thoughts were immediately swept away as the sickness possessed my mind once again. I wondered if it would ever let go. I felt weak at the knees, dizzy, and I just wanted to go to sleep. It was the middle of the day, and I had only been awake for seven or more hours, at the most. I had traveled out of earshot from the others, but they had to be suspicious by now… I had been doing this for a week. They absolutely had to wonder why I had been taking off frequently throughout the day. I coughed up a chunk of half-digested food. I watched it float down the stream in disgust. I couldn’t get up yet. If I tried, I would just get dizzy again. My pounding headache had warned me of that much.
It had been a month since I had killed Inuyasha and Naraku, and it was like their spirits were taking vengeance on me by making me ill. I cupped a handful of water and put it to my lips, trying to wash out the awful taste in my mouth. Ugh. I should just stop eating. Eating only made it worse. At the same time, though, I was ravenously hungry all the time. Constantly hungry, cold, defensive, moody, and tired. I had told them to keep going. I could catch up later. I just wanted to go to sleep. I felt sick, and I wanted to sleep.
I stumbled in a very undignified, un-Sesshomaru-like fashion to a tree and leaned back against it. I closed my eyes. I felt utterly miserable. This was awful, not to mention very undignified and it left me in a very vulnerable position as well. The way that youkai liked to come after me if they thought they were powerful, it was like I had a bounty on my head. In reality, it was that I was renown for power, and some youkai didn’t believe it, so thought to test me. In my condition, though…
I really could think of only one rational explanation, and I refused to put it to words. In fact, I refused to even let myself think it. As if, thinking it would make it real. Besides, the idea was insane. It just couldn’t be… Couldn’t be…
My eyes slid closed.
*****
When I woke, it was because something was crawling on me. Something that smelled very much like Rin. I opened my eyes. It was Rin. I gave her a disapproving look. She had wandered off to look for me. Then I realized that she had been concerned. She looked at me.
“Sesshomaru-sama, are you okay? You look really pale. Are you sick?” she asked incredulously, touching my forehead to feel for a fever.
“Stupid girl! Leave Sesshomaru-sama alone!” Jaken yelled from somewhere amidst the forest. I could hear him running through the foliage—and he was not in the least bit quiet. I was amazed that the noise had not woken me. At the same time, I wasn’t surprised. When I was sick, I had a tendency to pass out. I remembered that much from my childhood—it was like I was comatose when I was sick… It was probably my body trying to keep me still so I wouldn’t make it worse.
Rin peered over at Jaken. “Master Jaken! Sesshomaru-sama is sick!”
I looked at her flatly. “I am not… sick,” I said in the most level voice I could manage, considering what was being said. But my own voice betrayed my torn throat—a dead giveaway that I was, in fact, sick.
Jaken stared at me in shocked disbelief. “Sesshomaru-sama! Are you really sick?”
For an answer, I punched him and scowled at nothing in particular. “You are misguided,” I insisted.
Rin was not so easily swayed. “But, Sesshomaru-sama, you are unwell.” Rin suddenly remembered something; I could tell by the brightening of her eyes. “What about that half-demon with the herb garden… Jinenji?”
I had to fight to keep my eyes from widening. He would know instantly. “I am fine,” I continued to insist. I wondered who I was trying to convince—myself or Rin.
She didn’t buy it, though. “But, Sesshomaru-sama… You’ve been throwing up, and you look really pale.”
Ugh. Just stop… I pushed her off of me gently and stood up, sheer force of will alone keeping me from stumbling as dizziness swamped me. As it was, I didn’t move until the dizziness had subsided. When it did, I walked away. They followed, Rin pestering me about being sick and Jaken telling her to shut up when she obviously was not going to. I managed to ignore her. I had spent years ignoring Jaken’s rambling, and tuning out her voice was fairly simple as well.
I really should be lying down right now, I thought, beginning to feel lightheaded and sick again. The entire world looked like it was spinning. I put my hand on a tree trunk to support myself, leaning my forehead against the back of my hand.
“I knew it! You are sick, Sesshomaru-sama,” Rin said, quite concerned. I didn’t like making her feel so anxious, but… I didn’t want to succumb to some mere sickness. Damn, this was humiliating. I was just going to stop moving until everything stopped spinning and bleeding together in that annoying method it had taken to doing lately. If they weren’t there, I would have slumped down and tried to go to sleep, but I wasn’t going to.
“My lord, if you’re sick, you shouldn’t strain yourself,” Jaken said. They were just concerned, yes, but it didn’t make it any less irritating. He did have a point, though. Not that I was going to listen to him. I was much too headstrong for that.
I stubbornly kept walking, doing my best to ignore the way the ground was teeter-tottering. Apparently, it was too much for me in my weakened condition, because my eyes rolled to back of my head and I blacked out, falling to the ground.
What are you?
Not this again…