Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Enamored	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Kouga/Kagome Views: 13037 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, and I do not make any money from these writings

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
A/N: Sorry guys, I was away this weekend. Finally got up on all the slack.
Enamored
Chapter 19: Heartbreak and Decisions
Her heart was racing and she could feel her mouth turning pasty. This was not supposed to happen. When Inuyasha did not show up in the beginning, she gave up on him ever coming back for her. After the information Sango had shared, she did not want him to come for her. Now he was standing in front of her and suddenly it felt like it was all happening too fast. She did not have enough time. She needed more time. Looking at him did not help. Of course she had grown much closer to Kouga but it did not mean she completely forgot everything she had ever felt for Inuyasha. If only it were that easy.
But, her experience taught her one thing. She was worth more than how he was treating her.
Kouga had shown her that she deserved kindness and that she could be made to be a priority. She did not think she could return to a life where she always came second. She was certain that his feelings were true but - was it enough for her? It used to be, back when she did not know anything else but now? Now, she would always want more and that was the problem. Inuyasha could not give her more. After all, it was the reason it had taken him so long to find her. If Kouga had not been the one to find her, if nobody had found her - she would have died. And Inuyasha would have never come for her. And now? Now he only wanted her because Kouga had her. She was a toy - a discarded toy that he wanted to have for himself. He did not want anyone else to have her.
But he was not going to have her.
He was going to leave her for Kikyo at the first chance he had. Once it was all complete, once all was returned to its original state, he would go and die with her.
Because he did not love Kagome. He loved Kikyo.
She could feel the tears puddling in her eyes while her heart was constricted by pain. It was a reality she thought she would have time to cope with but her time with Kouga sped up that plan. Now, she wanted more and she wanted it now. But she could not want it with a man that could not love her because his heart belonged to another. She felt the first tear slid down her cheek and she tilted her head forward, her bangs hiding her eyes. He meant a lot to her and she would not be able to let go that easily. However, she needed to make a decision for herself.
"Kagome, get away from him," he warned again when she did not move.
He was saving her from that mangy wolf, and she did not even have the decency to be grateful! He was a little late to the party but at least he was here. He was saving her and protecting her like he had promised to do.
"No." It was quiet, barely a whisper.
Both they both heard it.
And they both had very different reactions.
Kouga was shocked, his mouth hanging as he tried to see if maybe his ears had played a trick on him. He knew he had managed to close the gap between them and he knew was starting to have feelings for him. What he did not know was if it was enough for her to stay away from Inuyasha. He knew how devoted she was and her heart did not sway easily. He thought she would choose the easier route; Inutrasha. And there she was, denying him. He was resisting the urge to beam with joy. She was picking him - she was choosing to be with him. All the work he had put in, all the devotion he had shown her; it had worked.
Inuyasha on the other hand was far from being happy. Instead, he let the tip of his sword hit the ground as the feeling of surprise sneaked through him. He had left Kikyo behind to come and help her and she was refusing him? There was no way this was his Kagome. This was somebody else - or the wolf had gotten to her. He had to have taken advantage of her while she was weak and hurt. The scent of blood coming from her was faint but he could tell she got injured badly. Kouga had tricked her while she was weak and now she did not know what she was saying. Kagome would not say no to him. She might sit him, she might shout, but she was always with him. She always choose him. It was the one certainty he had.
"Kagome…" he warned.
"Sit!"
She had not said that in forever. But it felt good. All the rage she held back, all the pain she felt when she learned that he was not coming for her? It all had come out in that one word and it was liberating.
He hit the ground loudly and this time, Kouga was unable to hide the smile on his features. He even took a step forward, his hand resting on his hips, proudly. He was going to rub it in his ugly face that he was the winner.
Unfortunately for him, Kagome stopped him after he had only taken one step. She stretched out her arm in front of him. "No."
She did not want Kouga to be a part of this. She was more than aware of the silly rivalry between the two of them but it was not about them. It was about her. The fact that she was turning down Inuyasha chauvinistic order did not mean she had made up her mind about Kouga. The situation had not changed. Because it was not about them. It was about what she needed to do for herself and for her own happiness. She wanted more than what she had and she knew it was out there. Kouga had shown it to her. Inuyasha could never do that for her and she needed to make a clean break. If she did not, she would never move on from him and that would leave her to be miserable forever.
Kagome had to let go of him, no matter how painful it was.
They could be friends, they could put the jewel back together but she could not let herself love him. It was unhealthy and it was going to destroy her slowly. She needed to take a step back.
Once she was certain that Kouga was not going to move and provoke Inuyasha, she let her arm down. She was the one to advance forward while Inuyasha was pulling his face out of the dirt. He was even less pleased than before. He had seen this coming because she always did it, but he thought it would come after her rescue. She hated the wolf. He had kidnapped her and Shippo and - and she hated him. Why was she standing beside him? And most of all, why did the fucking wolf look so happy with himself.
"I'm not going anywhere with you, Inuyasha."
"Like hell you're not. I came here for you."
"No, you came here because you felt guilty."
"I ain't got anything to feel guilty about," he defended as he rose to his feet.
"You feel guilty for leaving me to die - while you went off with Kikyo."
How in the world did she even know about that? His eyes widened. Kikyo was not here and she was not a youkai, she could not smell her. How did she know what he did? Who the fuck told on him? So, he took longer than expected. But he was here now. Wasn't that all that mattered? Why could she not see the effort he had put in? Why did she insist on seeing nothing but the bad in everything he did?
What about the good?
"It ain't like that."
"That's exactly how it is," she said as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. "And if you had been here, you would know that I can't travel right now." Her wounds might have closed but that did not mean she was on top of her game. She still struggled with little walks and she avoided big efforts. Also, Inuyasha had someone to look after him; he had Kikyo. Kouga had just lost a big part of his pack. He was by himself and he was hell bend on revenge. She was not about to abandon him when he needed someone to be there for him. He had been there for her and she would return the favor. He was the one who stayed up with her, fed her, nursed her back to health. Unlike Inuyasha, she was grateful for the help of others.
Plus, they had other things going on between the two of them.
"I was hurt, I almost died, and you never came for me."
"You didn't me, you had the wolf," he said, jealousy obvious in his voice.
The nerve of him. He was not actually being jealous when he was the one going around with Kikyo while he was very aware of her feelings for him. He did not get to be the jealous boyfriend while not being the boyfriend. "You don't get to be jealous," she hissed out as she took a step forward. "You have Kikyo and I can do whatever I want."
"Oh so you want the wolf now?" She could not do that. She had promised to be by his side. He knew he was not supposed to have it all and that it was not fair for anybody but he was not ready to let go of Kagome just yet. She was the first person to trust in him, to believe in him. He thought he was nothing, and she made him see that there was more to him than what all the other humans thought. He did not want to lose this feeling. He wanted to hold on to it, to hold on to her.
"Maybe I do."
She should not have said that. She was giving hopes to Kouga and she was making the whole situation a bigger mess than it already was. However, she could not help it. Inuyasha was bringing out such a rage out of her. He could not have everything he wanted. It did not work like that. Plus it was not a full lie. She did feel something with Kouga - else everything that happened would not have happened. Of course, she was not about to tell Inuyasha tales of her time with Kouga. She did not think that would help the situation.
"W-what?"
She hated Kouga - well alright, hating him was a big word but nonetheless. When he had declared his love for her she had shut him down. Had she lied? Maybe it was why she left in the first place. Maybe it was why she ended up with Kouga - she was on her way to him and that was when she got attacked. How else did fate make them find each other? It was not like the stupid wolf was looking for her. "Is that why you left?"
"What?" It was her turn to be perplexed.
"You left that day to come find him."
"EXCUSE ME?" her cheeks were red, her nostrils were flared and if she could have, she would have punched him. "No, I was going home because you were acting like a jerk!" She fisted her hands by her side. "Are you kidding me? I left because of you. If you hadn't been such a freaking jerk, I wouldn't have left and I wouldn't have been attacked!" She was not trying to attack him, she was not trying to put the blame on him but it had slipped her. He had tried to make her into the bad guy - and she was not. She had not lie and she had been nothing but kind.
Her words were like knives and for a moment, his puppy ears flattened on top of his head. She thought it was his fault she got hurt? He did not have anything to do with it. It was not his fault she got upset at him. He had simply pointed out that the wolf was overly friendly with her and that it was suspicious. And he had not been that wrong. He found them together had he not?
"It ain't my fault you were getting friendly with wolf boy."
"Sit."
And he hit the ground one more time.
Kouga was itching to move and say something. It was hard for him to stand by and do nothing. He wanted to defend Kagome and he did not want her to be a victim of Inuyasha's verbal attacks. Although the fact that they had a fight about him before she got injured pleased him. He was not happy that it resulted in her getting injured but he was glad that there was indeed something there before. Maybe it had not been a lost cause from the start. If it was not for the fact that she might get upset, he would not keep his mouth shut. He knew better than Inuyasha; upsetting Kagome served no purpose for anyone. And all it had done was land him in the ground twice now.
"Leave," she ordered. "Leave now."
"I'm not gonna leave you with him."
"You're not the boss of me. I said leave. I don't want anything to do with you."
She might have to do many things, some of them involving her needing his help but it did not matter at the moment. For now, she needed to put some distance between the two of them. If later on he wanted to help with the jewel so be it. But for now, she needed him away from her. He was only increasing the injuries inflicted to her heart. She did not need that. She needed to heal; emotionally and physically. Once she was ready to head back to jewel hunting, she would talk to him again. Maybe.
"What did he do to you? Come on, mangy wolf. Get up and fight!" Kagome was fighting his battles for him and he was not about to let him get away with it. Kagome was his and she was done being with that wolf. He did not even want to think about what had been happening. Kagome was not even wearing her regular clothes. She was always wearing that stupid uniform of hers. Why was she wearing a kimono all of the sudden? It simply did not add up.
"I don't have to fight ya," Kouga said as he bore his fangs. "She doesn't wanna go with you. She wants to stay with me."
Kagome winced as she heard the pride in his voice. She was creating more expectations for him and she was so terrified that she might not be able to live up to them. She would deal with that later. For now, she had to focus on getting Inuyasha out of there. If he did not leave, it would all go worse.
"Like hell she does."
"Yes, I want to stay here."
"Kagome!"
"SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT."
He dug himself into a deeper hole in the ground and she felt her heart break each time she said it. She was used to using that word as an outlet but now, it was like a goodbye - and it broke her heart. "Go back to Kikyo, because I don't want anything to do with you."
"I don't want to go back to Kikyo. I came here to rescue your stupid head."
"Well, a little too late."
"Like hell it is."
"Inuyasha, get out of here, before I find a way to suck my soul back into my body." They both knew very well what that meant - Kikyo's clay body would crumble and she would be nothing. She needed her soul to live. Kagome had never cared, she had let her live and she had never looked into fixing the matter. She was allowing that woman to live with her soul. For him. And now, he was doing all of this? She did not want to hurt him, but she would say whatever was necessary to get him to leave. It was already hard enough to hold back all the tears that wanted to spill from her eyes. Why was he making it harder on her?
He had lost Kikyo once. He had been face with the awful truth of her death and it had destroyed him. Especially because she had died because of him. Did Kagome not realize that he owed everything to Kikyo? She only died because of him. If they had not fallen in love and if they had not tried to be together, she would have never died. She would have lived a happy life, found someone and - and she would not have died. He stole those years away from her and he owed it to her to give her as many years as he could. It was only fair.
And he loved her. He had loved her from the moment he had met her. It was not easy to forget about those kind of feelings.
He wanted to provoke her further, he wanted to tell her that what she was saying was crazy but - but what if she did it? He did not recognize this Kagome. She was colder and she had lost some of the liveliness he had seen in her when he first met her. It was not his Kagome. He was sure Kouga did something to her.
"I mean it Inuyasha." She could feel the tremble in her voice and she wanted him to leave before she cracked. She was out of ideas now. "Leave, or she's gone."
"Keh," he said as he finally put his sword away. "If you wanna be stupid and die, that's your problem." He could not tell her the pain that was spreading through him, numbing him. Of course she was leaving him, everyone was always leaving him. Why would Kagome be any different? She had made him thought that he could belong, that he would always have a place with her and that he could indeed live among humans. Now, she was taking it all away from him like he never had it. It was not fair. He should not have let himself be fooled. He should have known better than to trust into the words she had told him. She did not mean them, they never meant them.
He was an idiot.
"Let's see how long you make it without me," he warned.
He did not want to go. He was dragging his feet. He was waiting for her to stop him, to tell him that she changed her mind and that she was coming with him.
Unfortunately for him, it never happened.
She let him walk out of the den like he meant nothing to her.
-E-
He knew how to deal with many situations.
Most of them included high pressure situations. Ones that were life threatening. But - he was not good at dealing with crying females. And that was exactly what he was left with - a very crying Kagome. She had been balled up in the furs, bawling her eyes out ever since Inuyasha had left. She had been pretty convincing that she wanted him gone and yet, now she was upset that he had left. She had even said that maybe she had feelings for him but now - it felt like her feelings were mostly directed towards Inuyasha. Then again, that was not much a surprise. He had known this whole time how she felt about him.
So how come he was so upset about it?
And he should not be. This was not about him - it was about her.
He needed to keep being there for her and awkwardly standing in the corner while she cried was not about to cut it.
"You want anything?"
But his only response was more sobs. God, the sound of her crying was nearly splitting his heart in two. He did not want a sad Kagome, he wanted the happy, pleased and aroused Kagome he had seen earlier. This would not do. Obviously he knew that trying to touch her or kiss her was not appropriate at the moment but it was exactly what he was dying to do. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and kiss her until she stopped shedding tears. He wanted to take her sadness as his own personal burden and make sure that she would never feel pain again in her life.
Because he would never do this to her.
He would never make her sad, he would never make her cry and most of all, he would never break her heart.
Alright, so getting close to her and being touchy was the only approach he knew. He was a wolf; they were touchy creature. What else was he supposed to do? Maybe he could find a middle ground? Plus, she was not replying to him. He had every right to be concerned about her well being right? He sighed before closing the distance between them. He made sure his footsteps were quiet as he approached her, and then, he dropped to his knees, the soft furs tickling his skin. He stared at the back of her head and he watched as her body trembled with each tear that slid down her cheek. He was glad he could not see her face because he knew that the sight of her would destroy him.
He could not see her broken again.
He never wanted that for her - and he was absolutely terrified of making it worse for her. What if his comfort only hurt her more?
He dared to lift a hand and he put it on her shoulder. Gently, he squeezed it, his warmth transferring to her. He wanted to caress her arm, he wanted to press a kiss on top of her head but he did not. Instead, he simply held on to her while keeping a distance between their bodies.
What she did next, he did not expect it. Slowly, he felt a resistance against his arm and he slowly watched while she turned to look at him. As he had expected, it was not a pretty sight. Her eyes were puffy, red and her eyelashes were glued together. Her beautiful red cheeks were stained by the trails left behind by her tears and her lips were swollen and pouted. It felt like her blue eyes were begging him to take it all away and he could not. He felt like a failure. He did approach her body, ready to be her comfort. And she used them. He felt her launch herself at his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her tiny shaking body.
He would be anything she asked him to be.
And she did not want to be needy, she did not want to be using him. But she needed it - she needed someone to hold her, someone that would tell her everything would be okay. Ever since she had nearly died, Kouga had been that person for her. He had been the one to make it all okay. She was relying on him once again. And hopefully, he would not hate her for it.
Minutes turned into hours and at some point, they both drifted to sleep. It lasted a while and surprisingly, Kagome was the first to wake up. She was as exhausted as she had been when she had fallen asleep. But her mind was running a million thoughts by the second. Kouga's strong arms were still wrapped around her; he had never let go of her. It made everything harder and all of it even more complicated. Was she insane? She was shedding tears over her boy who could not give her all of his love while another was giving her more than she could handle.
Inuyasha was not a bad person. He had a complicated life and he was stuck in a complicated situation. No, he had not handled it the best he could, but - was she handling it any better? She let herself fall for him more and more each time despite the fact that she knew he loved another. She knew she would end up at a crossroad at some point. Although, it was probably better that it was happening now before she developed even more feelings for him. Yes, now was good. The pain was tolerable. She was also crying because she feared she might have lost his friendship as well. She did not hate him. She was hurt, she was upset but she did not wish for his death.
They were friends.
And then there was Kouga.
She might have given him false ideas and now, they had so much to talk about. For now, her life depended on his. Eventually, she would return to her own life and then, problems would come. It was easy to say she would give a try now. Because now, she had nothing else to do. But soon, her responsibilities would return and she would have to honor them. And then what would happen with the two of them? She already doubted that he could come on the other side of the well. What if he could not even follow her in her travels? Then what was the point in even trying to see if this could be a thing?
And was she ready to invest herself emotionally in someone else?
She thought she was but that was before the encounter with Inuyasha.
Now she did not know what she wanted. She knew she did not want Inuyasha, but that was about it.
She had hurt him, she saw it in his eyes. She did not want to see that look in somebody else's eyes. What if she hurt Kouga in the same way? What if she had to look into his blue eyes and see that same pained expression? Could she handle hurting two people she cared about? She did not think so.
"Kagome?"
And now she had woken up. It was probably all of her troubled emotions that had given her away. What was she to do?
Despite the fact that he had woken up, he had yet to let go of her. His arms remained around her protectively and he even moved his head so that it rested on top of hers. He was warm, he was comfort.
And she could not let herself feel any of it. At least not yet. "Kouga?"
"Yes?" She was talking. It was a good sign.
"We need to talk."
That was a less good sign.
Actually, it was a horrible sign.
It was never good when someone said they wanted to talk - especially not when they used that tone. He tried to not let his panic show and he decided that the best way to hide it was by burying his face in her hair. "Yes?" If he did not answer, it would be worse. She might pull herself away from his embrace, and she might look at him. He did not want neither of those things.
"I- I'll have to leave eventually." She was not stupid. She could not leave this instant or she would be putting her life in danger and that would not help anyone. She had to be able to gather the pieces of the jewel and she had to be able to face Naraku. However, she would not stay like this forever. She would heal and then, she would resume her mission.
"I know."
Honestly, he had hoped she would stay here. He knew it was a stupid fantasy, one that could never be a reality but he had clung to it regardless. He had lost so much lately that the thought of her leaving was too much for him to bear.
"I have to hunt for the remaining jewel shards." And that did mean that one day she would have to take away the ones he kept in his legs. Although, she was not about to bring that up yet. It would lead to an argument. He had lost a lot of his tribes to the birds of paradise because they had shards and now he had lost another chunk of his people to Naraku. Obviously, he would not want to get rid of the one thing that he thought was helping him protect his people.
Somehow, she felt like the presence of the shards in his legs only attracted more trouble for him. But that was also another thing she would not say.
"Inuyasha can do it." He wanted to be selfish, he wanted to keep her by his side.
"I broke it, I have to fix it."
"Then I'll come with you," he answered as though it was the most natural thing in the world. "I'll come and I'll help you find them." He had originally wanted to have her help them get more jewel shards. He was aware that the shards she would find would not be for his people, but still. He would help. He would do anything for her and he would do anything to keep her by his side.
"You have your pack," she defended. She knew the Naraku subject was still very sensitive but she had to bring it up. "And you need to protect your people. They need you and - you have your own hunt." Although that almost sounded like she was encouraging him to go after Naraku - which she was not. "You can't leave them."
"You know Naraku. You said - he was your enemy too." If they were fighting the same enemy, then what was the difference? If he helped her, it would help him go against Naraku and it was what he wanted. She herself did not want him to face him by himself. He could fight anyone with her by his side.
"You can't be away from your pack."
"I'll come back to check up on them." Had she already forgotten how fast he was? Plus, he was not the only one here. He could leave others in charge and then, he would periodically come to check up on everyone. She kept bringing up problems but all he had were solutions. She was part of his pack too and he was not about to let her slip away. Plus, she hard turned Inuyasha away. It was not safe for her to be roaming the forest by herself. Even once she was back on her feet. She had been out so long, he was sure she would need some time to get back into the rhythm of things.
"Kouga, I can't ask you to leave them behind."
"And yet you're asking me to leave you behind."
"I'm not your pack Kouga."
"No you're right, you're more than that. You're everything."
She felt the tears fill back her eyes - how could he be so devoted to her, especially when she was shedding tears for someone else?
It was overwhelming, it was bubbling in her chest. It spread through her like a warmth and she gave into it. She tilted her head backwards, forcing his head away from hers. Once she could see his lips, she pressed her mouth to them.
And he froze.
She was kissing him. He had once again declared his full love for her, and she was kissing him in return.
Maybe there was hope.
-E-
- 18
- 19
- 20
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Enamored