Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Change of Heart	By : PrincessAurora Category: InuYasha > Yaoi - Male/Male > InuYasha/Sessh?maru > InuYasha/Sessh?maru Views: 24279 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I don't own this. All characters from the Inuyasha, or Inuyasha: The Final Act Series, are owned by Rumiko Takahashi and VIZ. No money is made from this.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
Any original characters that you find are mine.
I WISH I was making money off of this. Sadly, I am not.
*****
THIS IS YAOI-INSCEST! IF YOU DON’T LIKE THIS KIND OF THING, THEN DON’T READ IT. FLAMES WILL BE HAPPILY IGNORED.
**********
A/N: Massive amounts of detail….hope it’s not too boring. ;)

Chapter 19 – Inuyasha’s Decision

The next day dawned bright and beautiful. Inuyasha opened his eyes shortly after the sun had risen over the horizon, and the early morning light coming into his room made him sigh in pleasure at its beauty. He quickly got out of bed and walked out on to his balcony so he could enjoy the brightening sky. He looked forward to watching the sunset over the ocean tonight.
Excited to begin the day, he hurried inside. After a quick wash, he flung open the wardrobe doors to choose his clothing for the day. ‘So many choices, and they are all so beautiful. I want to wear something Sesshoumaru would be proud to see me in…’
With this thought in mind, as well as Sesshoumaru’s previous comments about him looking good in black, Inuyasha focused more on black clothing for today. Finally, after having a very hard time choosing, he decided on another black kimono and sashuniki hakama with a light gold juban.
This time, bright royal purple threads had been used on the lower half of the wide sleeves to embroider a beautiful battle scene with Inu fighting against Dragon youkai. Parts of the scene were accented with shining gold thread, as was the purple thread for his family crest above his heart. The obi for the outfit was purple, with black, white, and blue at the ends, and embroidered with gold thread.
Reluctantly turning to choose shoes for the day (he knew he should wear them, especially with Sesshoumaru taking him on a tour of the castle), he chose a pair of soft leather boots identical to what Sesshoumaru always wore. He was thinking, at least this way, he wouldn’t have to worry about them falling off his feet. He was right. Slipping them on over a soft pair socks, he found they were very comfortable. He didn’t think it would take him long to get used to wearing them.
Going back into the bathroom to brush his hair, he decided to use a tiny amount of sandalwood oil on it again, since he’d liked how it made his hair so soft before. Brushing his hair, he thought about the previous night. He’d never have guessed that Sesshoumaru could be so understanding…or feeling so out of control. It gave Inuyasha’s self-esteem a huge boost, to know he could do that to someone who practiced control as a religion like Sesshoumaru did.
And the thing about not ever seeing his rooms? Who would have thought that? ‘Honestly, I would have bet that he had gutted my rooms and transformed them into…I dunno…something horrendous,’ he thought with a smile. ‘I certainly never thought I would learn very quickly that he has a heart, and a generous one. He’s actually quite amazing.’
‘I want to be his mate. I think I’m clear-headed enough this morning to decide that. So okay, now that I’ve decided, when should I tell him?’ That would take some more thought, and frankly, Inuyasha was too excited about his day to think too much right now. ‘Of course, maybe he’ll be able to tell, just from how I act today?’ It wouldn’t surprise him; his brother was very observant.
After tying his hair up into a high ponytail with some purple silk, and quickly admiring it in the mirror, he turned around and had to stop himself from running out the door. He settled for walking quickly. As he exited his room, he immediately noticed that Sesshoumaru wasn’t there waiting for him as he’d been each time before. ‘Maybe he’s already left the family-wing of the castle?’ But no, his scent was saying that he was still in his rooms.
Inuyasha didn’t want to just barge in to Sesshoumaru’s rooms, and it was still pretty early, and they had gone to bed late last night; but he was too excited about the day to just sit and wait. Sesshoumaru shouldn’t mind, right? ‘I mean, he was in my room when I was asleep, and he wants us to be mates…it should be okay if I go in and see if he’s awake,’ Inuyasha concluded to himself.
Opening the doors to Sesshoumaru’s suite of rooms, Inuyasha could appreciate the beauty of the colors even better in daylight. He smiled to himself as he walked in, not trying to be quiet, but not announcing his presence either.
Glancing around the room to assure himself that his brother wasn’t at his desk, he walked slowly up to the bed. Through the gauzy material floating around the bed, he could just barely make out the outline of Sesshoumaru’s form. Pushing the material aside, he felt his jaw dropping in surprise and arousal.
There was Sesshoumaru, dressed in a sleeping yukata, but it was left open. Inuyasha could see the defined muscles of his chest as well as the hard abdominal muscles, and he found himself wishing he could see even more.
He’d already admitted to his attraction to Sesshoumaru, but it had always been with Sesshoumaru touching him first; even last night, Sesshoumaru had ‘made the first move’ by holding his hand before sitting down. Before Inuyasha had asked to touch him.
This time, it was his own attraction…alone, with no outside influences or prompting…and this realization hit him hard. ‘Kami, he’s so beautiful. Strong, honorable, generous. Yeah, he hasn’t treated me honorably for nearly all of my life, but he’s changed so much. He’s changed in so many ways, and in other good ways he’s stayed the same. I believe that we can have a really good life together as mates.’
Inuyasha was so deep in thought, he hadn’t realized that Sesshoumaru had woken up and noticed him.
The Youkai Lord had had time to get over his own surprise at having Inuyasha next to his bed; and definitely noticed how incredibly sexy he was in black again, especially with purple instead of red. Then he had beaten down his Youki (who was going crazy telling him to yank the boy down to join him). And finally, he had composed himself enough that he could smile lazily up at his beautiful little brother, waiting for him to notice that he was now wide-awake.
Inuyasha, on the other hand, remained blissfully unaware for a little longer. Long enough to have his eyes glaze over slightly as he had a short fantasy about making Sesshoumaru sleep naked for the rest of their immortal lives. Coming to his senses eventually, he looked down into bright golden eyes smiling lazily up at him.
Blushing furiously, he waited for Sesshoumaru to say something. When he didn’t, and Inuyasha was forced to speak, nothing came out of his mouth on his first try. He had to clear his throat a few times before he could create words.
“Uh, yeah… Good morning! I was really excited about the day, and I guess I thought you’d be up already. Uh…sorry if I woke you up. I just didn’t wanna wait, ya’ know?” Inuyasha stammered.
“It is quite alright Inuyasha. You may enter my rooms whenever you wish. I was only curious… Why did you not say anything? You seemed to have blanked out for a minute there. Are you alright?” Sesshoumaru asked, trying to sound serious.
‘If fate wasn’t such a vicious bitch, she could make the floor open and swallow me right about now. She totally owes me. No? Well, shit… I guess I’m on my own. Fuck.’ Inuyasha berated himself mentally.
“Yeah, Sesshoumaru, I’m fine. Would you like me to let you sleep longer? I didn’t mean to make you rush or anything,” he said, trying to compose himself.
Sesshoumaru played along; although he missed the way Inuyasha had shortened his name the night before. “No, it is fine. I had wanted to be up by now. I hoped we could enjoy a long day together. Let me get up and get dressed.
“You do not have to just sit around waiting for me. You may explore and we can meet in the dining room, if you would prefer. It is early, but the morning meal should be served soon. Rin should be there in a few minutes, as she has her lessons in a short while. We can eat, and then decide what to do first,” he finished.
“Yeah, that does sound good. I, uh….I’ll go on ahead then, and meet you there,” Inuyasha said as he fled the room, trying to cover his embarrassment.
Sesshoumaru only smiled as he watched the young man exit his rooms as though he were on fire. He would hurry to get ready. He was excited for the day in front of them too.

***

Sesshoumaru walked in to the family-dining hall and nodded politely to the few servants that were already there for this earliest of the scheduled meals. Rin was already there too, and she and Inuyasha were up at the head of the table, already seated, and laughing uproariously with each other. Sesshoumaru had no idea what was said before he entered, but to see them laughing so joyously, it made his heart feel light as air.
He had only heard Inuyasha’s unrestrained laughter one time before this, and he made the decision right then that he would make certain to hear it as often as possible, as it truly was a breathtakingly beautiful sound.
Reaching his chair between them at the head of the table, he smiled at them both as he greeted them warmly.
This caused Rin to smile in delight.
It caused Inuyasha’s eyes to glaze over with a look of lust as he smiled back at him, and it was this reaction that Sesshoumaru noticed the most, obviously. ‘Mmmm, so he likes my smile and is aroused by it? I will have to remember that, and not hold it back so often around him, at least when no one else is nearby,’ he thought.
Chatting idly was not something Sesshoumaru was generally inclined to do. Usually Rin could chatter on for the entire meal and he would only have to acknowledge what she said at strategic times. This morning, for the first time in his life, he joined in. Rin listened with a happy heart as her Lord spoke with Inuyasha of their day, planning what they would do and when.
She was distracted from her happy thoughts about the two of them by her Lord saying her name.
“Rin, would you like to accompany us after the meal? We can show Inuyasha his forest before you go for your lessons,” Sesshoumaru offered.
“Oh! Yes, I would love to! Thank you for allowing me to come with you,” she smiled at both of them.
Inuyasha just smiled back at her. He was happy he no longer felt any jealousy towards the young woman, as he had before the final battle with Naraku. In fact, since the night Sesshoumaru had told him the story of how he’d found Rin, he’d felt gratitude towards her.
If it hadn’t been for her, Sesshoumaru’s heart may have taken much longer to soften. She had healed his Aniki’s heart in many ways. Of course, he felt Sesshoumaru must have had a generous but wounded heart to begin with, to have had the compassion to allow her to follow him.
His attention was brought back to them by Sesshoumaru’s voice.
“Otouto? Are you well?” Sesshoumaru was asking worriedly, since Inuyasha had not responded to him while in thought. No one else may have noticed the worry in his voice, but Rin and Inuyasha did.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinkin’, that’s all,” Inuyasha replied.
Sesshoumaru had a questioning look on his face, but did not press. He asked instead, “Are you finished eating?”
“Yep, I am,” Inuyasha replied. “Is it time to show me my forest now?” he asked eagerly.
“Yes! I can’t wait to show you Ojisan, I just know you’re going to love it.” Rin was just as excited her ‘uncle’.
As they rose from the table, Sesshoumaru looked at them both with unconcealed feelings in his eyes. He had the fleeting thought of how lucky he was to have Rin as his ‘daughter’. He then got lost in his thoughts of the feelings he had for Inuyasha, and he was surprised out of them when the Hanyou took his hand and began to follow Rin.
His shocked gaze fell to their hands, then up to Inuyasha’s face, but the boy was looking at Rin and did not notice. Sesshoumaru realized he had taken his hand unconsciously in front of others for the first time, and that made him smile like a complete fool, on the inside where no one could see.
The few servants that were dining with them noticed the look in his eyes too. All were happy that their Lord seemed not just content, but happier. Only one had concerns, but he kept them to himself.

***

Rin led them to the family wing of rooms, much to Inuyasha’s surprise.
As he followed her, he began to feel the heat from Sesshoumaru’s hand. Looking up at him, he nearly stumbled when he met his eyes and saw the love for him shining there. ‘And it’s for me, me alone, I can tell. He’s looking right at me. He has such feeling for me? More than the physical? More than the glimpse of emotions I saw last night when he asked if I’d felt this before? I…’ his thoughts flew and crashed through his mind, but this time Sesshoumaru was just as distracted and said nothing.
As they approached the door to his room, Rin stopped.
“Ojisan?” she called, pulling him from the chaos of his inner thoughts. “Look here,” she pointed at a panel on the wall, just to the left of the doorway to his room, that looked no different from any other.
As he looked, she gently placed her hand on the frame for his door. “Place your hand under mine, Ojisan,” she asked Inuyasha.
He did, and she guided his hand as she moved it up the wooden frame. Sesshoumaru had to lift her the final few feet, as she was too short to reach it herself. At the top corner, left side, she pushed in on the wooden frame with their fingers. With a barely audible click, the panel just to the left of his bedroom doors moved inward, and then slid open to the left soundlessly.
Inuyasha couldn’t believe it. ‘A secret doorway? How cool is this!’ he thought.
He looked to Rin and Sesshoumaru, both of whom were smiling at his surprise, although both smiles could not have been more different.
Rin’s smile was innocent and made him want to hug her.
Sesshoumaru’s smile was far from innocent, and it made him want to throw him down and… ‘Shit! I can’t keep thinking this way! It’s the middle of the day for fuck’s sake!’ Sesshoumaru, of course, noticed it this time, and smiled seductively at him from behind Rin, making his knees weak.
“Follow me!” Rin chirped gleefully, completely unaware of the delightful tension between her Lords, as she skipped down a darkened stone hallway that lit up as she approached small torches built into the walls.
“If you do not wish for the torches to light, simply think that, and they will stay dark,” Sesshoumaru explained, seeing where he was looking as they followed Rin.
“Yeah, I meant to ask you about that, how the rooms light automatically, and to a perfect level,” Inuyasha questioned.
“Unfortunately I cannot explain it to you Otouto. Chichue built most of this castle, especially this wing, and how he achieved this I do not know,” Sesshoumaru replied. “Even new rooms or passages built in this wing have this effect, and I still find it amazing, even after all these centuries.”
At the end of the hallway, they walked down three flights of stairs, and Inuyasha could tell where they were in relation to his room just by how far they had traveled. As they descended the final staircase, there was a carved door cut in the white stone of the wall ahead of them.
“Would you open this Ojisan?” Rin asked. “I can’t do it.”
Inuyasha looked to Sesshoumaru. After seeing him nod, he began to push the door open, but was stopped by Sesshoumaru’s voice.
“Otouto, there is a charm in the door. Yes, it is heavy, but that is not the reason Rin cannot open it. Only you can. You and any other you allow,” Sesshoumaru explained.
Inuyasha’s eyes widened in surprise. ‘This has been well thought out, and all for me? It still amazes me that he would go to all this trouble just for me. That he knew how important my forest was to me and cared enough to do this.’
Inuyasha pushed the door all the way open. As sunlight filtered in to the darkened staircase, Inuyasha’s eyes became adjusted to the contrast, and he stepped outside.
What met his eyes shocked him to his core.
Seeing it from above did nothing to hint at what was truly here. From above, the massive trees blocked everything below them from sight. However, from down here, he could see not only trees, but also a profusion of wildflowers and berry bushes.
As he dazedly walked further in, he noticed that the small river that ran through it had a pool half in the shade of the largest tree, and half in the sun, with stones under the surface to sit on.
Looking up, he saw that, in that same tree, above and to the side of the largest branch, in a place where the sun came through, a hammock was strung so he could sleep in the tree without the bark scraping his skin.
The forest was over an acre in size, and absolutely perfect.
He spun around to face Sesshoumaru, and this time he had no thought to mask his feelings.
‘I love him. Yes as a brother, but I’m finally seeing that not only do I love him as a Mate, but I have for quite a while now. How did I ignore this before? I knew it last night, but I can feel it now so strongly…how did I not realize this before?
‘He’s opened his home and his heart to me, and given me things I never believed I could have. And now, when I can see his love for me so plainly in his eyes, it’s a precious gift… I can’t deny my own feelings for him anymore. I don’t want to deny them anymore. I don’t want to wait anymore and waste any more time,’ Inuyasha thought. His thoughts felt perfectly clear for the first time in so very long, and it was a weight lifting from his soul.
Sesshoumaru could virtually see the thoughts flying through his baby brother’s mind just by looking into his eyes. The love shining there caused him to gasp audibly.
Rin, seeing this, quietly backed away, hoping neither would notice. They did, on a subliminal level, but they were too wrapped up in each other to comment on it. She very quietly moved to the door and went back inside. Only breaking in to a happy run once she was up the stairs where she felt they might not hear her. She went straight to her lessons, happier than she could ever remember being.

***

Inuyasha approached Sesshoumaru, nervous but determined. Sesshoumaru had not shifted his gaze from Inuyasha’s eyes…he was nearly hypnotized by the intensity of the love he saw shining there. When Inuyasha reached him, he held his hands out to Sesshoumaru; much like the Youkai Lord had done on his first day here, as he approached the castle.
Sesshoumaru’s normal control over his features failed him. His eyes widened at this gesture, and he instantly reached to take the Hanyou’s offered hands. They held hands, gently, for a few moments, still holding each other’s gaze.
“Thank you Aniki. For this beautiful forest, and for so many other things. I… I look around this place, and I see so many incredible emotions in all the little details. I’m stunned that this is all for me. I don’t believe I’m worth all this,” Inuyasha tried to explain his feelings.
“Inuyasha…” Sesshoumaru interrupted softly.
“It’s okay; just let me try to explain this. It’s this feeling that you believe I’m worth this; it’s a new and amazing feeling that I don’t really know what to do with.
“I made a decision this morning, when my mind was clear and my thoughts were calm. Making that decision, it was like some fog had lifted from me. I know my heart is damaged, and not worth very much; at least that’s what I think. But you think differently, and that amazes me.
“I… Shit, I’m not good at talking about my feelings…” Inuyasha paused.
“Inuyasha, you should not think you must say all of this now. We can wait; I do not want you to feel pressured to confess your feelings. I can see how much you love your forest. You do not have to say any more if you do not wish to,” Sesshoumaru told him, holding his hands tighter.
When Inuyasha had made the comment about this morning, when his “mind was clear,” it made Sesshoumaru’s heart jump. He was tense and felt as if he were standing on a precipice, waiting for Inuyasha’s decision, but he did not want the young man to feel he had to say anything now.
“I want to say this, Sesshou. I feel I need to say it. I may not talk like this much, expressing my feelings, but I want to right now. It’s just hard to get it from my mind to my mouth,” Inuyasha explained.
Sesshoumaru smiled at his brother’s words. “Have I told you, Otouto, how very much I enjoy the way you say things?” he teased.
Inuyasha grinned, and felt some of the tension ease. It helped.
“What I want to say is…. I…I think I’ve loved you all my life, even when I thought you hated me. I began to realize how much I cared for you as we became closer as brothers. I knew I loved you as my brother when I decided to come here to live. But I realized earlier that I have loved you as more than a brother for a long time now. How I missed it, this feeling, I have no idea. I’m just happy I figured it out now, ya’ know?
“I guess my point is….if you really still want me as your mate, I’d be honored. Actually, I’d really love to be your mate… I think we can have a good life together. You don’t have to answer me now. I… I totally understand if you wanna think about this and be absolutely sure. You can…”
Inuyasha was interrupted by Sesshoumaru pulling him into his arms and crushing him to his chest. His face was then lifted by an elegant clawed hand, and a long hot tongue slid between his unresisting lips and invaded his mouth, scattering his thoughts completely.
Sesshoumaru felt his body could not contain the emotions he felt he was overflowing with. He had believed Inuyasha would need much more time, but he could see now he should not have underestimated his strength. He took new things in stride and still held his open outlook on the world. He was amazing, and Sesshoumaru wanted nothing more than to utterly devour this beautiful creature in his arms.
Breaking the kiss so the boy could breathe, Sesshoumaru held his gaze, drowning himself in the love in those golden eyes. Inuyasha was doing the same. Seeing the love in Sesshoumaru’s eyes, it made his knees weak. He swayed into Sesshoumaru’s chest, and tried to cover it.
“It’s times like this I’m really happy you don’t normally wear your armor around the castle,” Inuyasha quipped.
Sesshoumaru let out a bark of laughter, surprising Inuyasha.
“You can laugh…I mean, you can honestly, really laugh! I’ve been waiting, hoping to see that,” he turned a huge smile up to Sesshoumaru. “I wish I could see it more,” he confessed.
Sesshoumaru froze for a moment at that smile, and then returned it with one of his own. “Just don’t think that I will do this around any others. Well, possibly Rin. However, I have a reputation to uphold. I hold these lands in peace because I am feared; but with you, I will do my best not to hold myself back any longer. I promise.”
Inuyasha smiled again. He felt like his face would split; he’d never smiled so much in his life. “Thank you. I’ll hold you to that promise.”
“Okay…so….what’s your answer?” Inuyasha asked.
“My answer?” Sesshoumaru asked blankly.
Inuyasha growled low. “Yes! Your answer! Do you still want me as your mate? I know I said you could wait and think about it, but I’m not feeling very patient right now. Shit…sorry. I should…”
Cut off again, this time with Sesshoumaru’s mouth hovering over one of his ears, Inuyasha trembled at feeling his brother’s hot breath ghosting over the sensitive appendage.
“I-nu-Yasha…” Sesshoumaru whispered harshly, noticing how the ear near his mouth twitched wildly as his breath hit it. Taking a long wicked swipe with his tongue over the inner pink of his ear, he waited while Inuyasha moaned and shook. Then he continued, “Did you honestly believe I would need to think about this?” Now dipping his tongue into Inuyasha’s ear and licking all the way to the outer tip, making the boy actually whine high in his throat and collapse against him, his knees giving out.
“Ahh, Otouto, I have no need of time to think. I have had more than enough time,” he breathed into Inuyasha’s now-damp, twitching ear, making him tremble and shake even harder.
“Yes, Inuyasha, I want you as my mate. Badly. Right now, this instant. I do not want to wait. Although, we should probably wait until tonight; but it is only my intellect that is telling me to wait. My entire self, heart and soul, is screaming at me to make sure you know, beyond any doubt, right this moment, exactly how much I want you as my mate.
“Which should I listen to?” he finished as he took his entire ear into his hot mouth, then letting it slide out torturously slow, and finally sucking on the tip gently before releasing it. This actually caused Inuyasha to cry out and grip him harder, and Sesshoumaru realized he was definitely not making this any easier. As they both held each other tightly, they could feel the other’s arousal quite clearly.
Inuyasha looked up and met Sesshoumaru’s eyes, and his desperately aroused gaze caused Sesshoumaru to drop to his knees in the grass, still holding Inuyasha tightly. Mouths collided, tongues entwined, and hands began to move.
Frantically clutching at the silk of Sesshoumaru’s kimono, Inuyasha felt he needed some kind of anchor. ‘Kami, it feels so intense! Even more than last night. Why? Fuck, I’ll think about it later. Holy shit, he can kiss SO gooood. Gods.’
Sesshoumaru allowed his hands to caress Inuyasha’s back, slowly sliding down to finally run his hands over his ass. Wishing mightily that he could make their clothing disappear, he squeezed the muscled flesh under his hands, causing the boy in his arms to moan into his mouth. He soon found that he would much rather consume the divine sounds of his Baby Brother’s passion than any food or drink.
Kissing wildly for long minutes, they lost track of time completely.
The need for oxygen finally had them breaking apart slightly. Lips still nipped, tongues soothed bruised flesh, until Inuyasha laid his head against Sesshoumaru’s chest, his erratic breathing matching his brother’s.
Looking down, Sesshoumaru felt, for the first time in his life, that he had come home. This was his home, this young man in his arms. He would bind his soul with Inuyasha’s, and they would become one. Gods, he wanted it now, right this moment. However, he would do things the right way.
He had already decided he would court Inuyasha properly. Just because the boy wanted to be his mate much sooner than he had thought he would, did not mean he had to abandon his plans. Sesshoumaru smiled again, this time his mind was filled with thoughts on how to make their binding perfect.
Once his breathing had evened out, he said, “Inuyasha? I know there are still questions you have. I will try to explain as much as I can during this day, but any questions you think of, you need only ask. I promise I will answer them all.”
Inuyasha looked up and smiled. “Thanks. Yeah, I do have questions. Lots of ‘em. Maybe you can answer one right now?” he asked as he moved out of Sesshoumaru’s lap slightly, so he could see his face better.
“Of course Otouto. Ask.”
“Well, it’s kinda embarrassing, but my biggest question is basically why I was even hesitating in the first place. I know you said I was a Lord here too. But…when we’re together, um…will I….will you… Shit,” he tried to explain. “Trying to find words to ask embarrassing questions sucks, ya’ know?”
Sesshoumaru wanted to make things easier for the boy. “Inuyasha, I feel I know what you want to ask. Let me say this, and you can tell me if I have answered your question.”
Sesshoumaru smiled gently at him, and once again, that smile blew his mind for a moment. “I will be sure your first lessons are all about our kind,” Sesshoumaru began.
“To start, both of us being males, we will share everything with each other. There will be two alphas in this mating. I may be the Lord of the West, and you the second, but in our mating, we will be equals. Some pairs decide to be different, with one always dominant or submissive, but that is a choice.
“There will be no human labels in our mating, such as ‘dominant’ or ‘submissive’…we are both alpha. For us, I would want you to be dominant when you wished to be; and no matter what our preferences become later, you will always be my equal,” Sesshoumaru explained.
“In our first mating, we will submit to each other…I will submit to you as you will submit to me. It is hard to explain fully, but you will not feel ‘submissive’ in any way, I can promise you that.
“You cannot compare the time-limited, desperate love humans feel to the power of the feelings between youkai that mate for love only, and not politics or other reasons.
“Our mating will bind us completely, and as we are immortal, it will be for eternity. There is no such ridiculous thing as ‘divorce’ with youkai mates.
“We will learn to know the other’s thoughts and feelings. We will eventually be able to share each other’s power. We will become one in the truest sense of the word,” he finished, looking to Inuyasha to see if this was what he had wanted to ask.
Inuyasha hadn’t expected all that. (He had the fleeting thought that he was very thankful he’d never mated Kagome this way.) He’d hoped that Sesshoumaru would consider him equal, at least at times when they were alone, but for him to say they would be equal in all ways, that he could be dominant too…hearing this from Sesshoumaru was exactly what he’d needed.
“That was my biggest question. I guess it’s that I never envisioned myself as ‘submissive’, ya’ know? I’m still kinda nervous, not knowing anything about being with another male, but if you’ll teach me, then it’ll be fine, I think. Right?” Inuyasha asked.
The things the boy said…Sesshoumaru wondered how he could say such innocent things that sounded so positively indecent. He loved it.
“Correct Little Brother. Even though I will have to be in the more ‘dominant’ role for our first time together, to teach you, I promise you will not feel submissive in any way,” Sesshoumaru tried to reassure him. “It will be your decision still, if we consummate our mating tonight. If you are still uncomfortable, we will wait. It is completely up to you, Inuyasha.”
“Okay. I just…I don’t think I’m gonna want ta’ wait. I couldn’t bear it if I lost you somehow,” Inuyasha explained. “Shit, I sound like some weak fuckin’ girl, saying all this. Damn it,” he cursed himself.
That clawed hand raised his face again. “Inuyasha. You do not sound like a girl. That you can express your vulnerability affects me significantly. I have no idea how I would feel and act if I had lived through what you have, the things you have had to endure over your life. That it is entirely my fault rips me apart inside.
“With your Mate, you should be vulnerable, letting them know how you are feeling. It is the only way for us to build things between us. It will be very hard for me too, not only to allow my emotions to show, but also to express my feelings to you. I am impressed with how you have been able to do this, and watching you teaches me how,” Sesshoumaru admitted.
Inuyasha grinned up at him. “Yeah, yeah…okay. But if we aren’t gonna go any further with this right now, can we go do something that can make me feel like a male again?” Inuyasha asked cheekily. “I dunno, like sparring, or even watching the Army like you said.”
Sesshoumaru let out another bark of laughter at Inuyasha’s words, and this time he actually continued laughing for a few moments. “Yes Otouto,” he said as he controlled himself, “we can go spar and watch the Army. In all honesty, I was thinking the same thing. I am unused to saying all these ‘softer’ things too, and something to restore my masculinity would be very nice.”
He said this last with a wink at the Hanyou, and Inuyasha joined him in laughing about it all. Their laughter scattered the rest of the tension like a dandelion’s snowy seeds in the wind. Picking themselves up from the cool grass, they took each other’s hand and walked back inside the castle.

***

They walked up the stairs in a companionable silence until they reached the fourth level again. As they neared the panel to the wooden hallway wall, Sesshoumaru explained, “There is a lever to the left here, to push down for the panel to open.”
Inuyasha used it, and the panel slid open soundlessly. “Sesshou, how do I allow someone else to use this? And is this the only entrance?” he asked.
“There is one more entrance, in your room. I know where it is, but have never used it. Here, let me show you,” Sesshoumaru explained as he stopped Inuyasha from walking through the secret doorway he’d just opened. After having Inuyasha close it, he turned to his left and stood before what looked like the solid stone wall of the short hallway.
“Here Inuyasha. Do you see this second lever? Pull it down,” Sesshoumaru told him.
He did, and another secret doorway, this one of stone, slid open and into the wall. They moved through and Inuyasha found himself in his bedroom. As they walked in, Sesshoumaru turned and pointed to another hidden lever, this one in the stone carving that Inuyasha had wondered about the night before. He’d admired it, but thought it strange it was here in the middle of all the wood-paneled walls on the upper floors of the castle. As he touched this lever, the full carving slid out of the wall and back into place.
“I commissioned this carving for this purpose, and chose where to put the hidden lever; then it was installed and I have not seen it since. I did not think it would be so long before I touched it again,” Sesshoumaru said, almost to himself, as his fingers stroked the carving softly.
Inuyasha noticed for the first time that the wall here was very thick looking, and he now knew it was for the short hallway. The wall ended where the stairs down began. It was a very clever way to build it, he thought. The walls were very thick, making some of this secret stuff easier to construct, he realized.
The secret hallway and stairs had been constructed of the same white stone as the lower levels of the castle, making this carving in stone possible. Realizing now that the only ‘difference’ that could tell anyone there was anything even here, was only inside his room, he was impressed. Attention had been paid to each detail. He knew for a fact that the walls of his sitting room all looked to be wood. He now knew that one part of it was actually wood over stone.
“This is awesome, Sesshou. I’m really impressed,” he admitted.
Sesshoumaru enjoyed the praise coming from Inuyasha. “Thank you Little Brother.”
“So,” Inuyasha began, “you wanna go spar now? When does your Army train?”
“Our Army is training right now, so let’s go see them first,” Sesshoumaru answered.

***

Sesshoumaru led him out of the family-wing, through the private hallways, and out on to the patios that surrounded the towers that were exclusively for the Royal Family.
“There are other ways to get where we are going, but I thought you would enjoy the outer patios more than walking through the castle,” Sesshoumaru explained.
“Yep, you’re right. I definitely enjoy this more. Thanks,” Inuyasha replied.
They were walking easily, in no hurry, and it gave Inuyasha time to marvel at the beautiful landscapes. The way the river that flowed from the mountains to the ocean had been diverted to make streams that flowed under bridges and fed koi ponds was very clever. Benches had been placed in scenic areas, and he saw Rin and her tutor at one, enjoying the weather and taking their lessons under a very large Sakura tree.
It was quite a long way, but they finally reached the Western Army’s training grounds and barracks. Inuyasha was immediately impressed. Sesshoumaru led Inuyasha over to a pair of high-backed chairs that were set off to the side of the outdoor training field, and covered by a wooden roof. He could tell that both chairs had been there for a long time, and asked Sesshoumaru about it.
“Yes, Otouto. Both chairs have been there since Chichue first placed the second chair next to his, so I could sit with him and learn about the Army. After his death, I kept the second chair there, but for a very long time I did not know why,” he explained in a lowered voice. “I believe it has shown me that my supposed hatred of you, even from the beginning, was not something that I could live out in all areas of my life.
“Now, obviously, I am glad I did not move it. Would you care to sit down?” he asked quietly, waving to one of the chairs.
Inuyasha just smiled at him with his eyes, trying to maintain a more serious face for the multitude of soldiers watching them. He sat where Sesshoumaru indicated, making himself comfortable.
Sesshoumaru sat next to him, to his right, and when he placed his arm on the armrest close to Inuyasha’s chair, he took the boy’s hand in his, under the long sleeves of their kimonos. It surprised Inuyasha, but in a good way. He tried very hard to school his features so no one else would know, and succeeded.
A large RyūYoukai approached them after they were seated. He was easily over seven feet tall, but very agile looking.
“Good morning, My Lords,” he greeted them respectfully, bowing to each in turn.
“Lord Inuyasha, I am Takeru, Second General of the Western Army. I am pleased and honored that you would both come to oversee the training today. Is there anything in particular you wish to see?” he asked.
Sesshoumaru handled the reply. “No Takeru, we are simply observing today. I wanted Lord Inuyasha to see the Army for himself. We will observe here for a short while, and then will go to the Small Dojo. There are no plans for its use today, correct?”
“No My Lord. We will be using the Large Dojos later this morning for training as usual, and there are no important guests in residence that would use it. But My Lord, did you not wish to use your private dojo?” he asked respectfully.
“Not yet. I am saving that for another time. Thank you. You may go back to your troops now,” Sesshoumaru dismissed him.
With another bow, he moved away.
“Sesshoumaru? How many dojos do you have here?” Inuyasha asked. “I mean, I can see with an army this large, you’d need quite a few, but I’ve never even been allowed to use one.”
Sesshoumaru squeezed his hand under their sleeves. “There are many dojos here, that is certain, but Inuyasha, this is not the entire Western Army,” he explained. “This is one quarter of it, called Group A. They are each separated further into Units within each Group, and each trains at different times. There is a rotation system we use, so Units can be sent out, if needed, in order; this way no one Unit must go out repeatedly. Unless, of course, there is a major war; then all will fight together.”
Inuyasha’s jaw had dropped steadily as Sesshoumaru spoke. “You’re kidding? This is only a quarter of the Army?! Holy shit! It’s fuckin’ huge then! How many enemies do you have?!” he exclaimed, forgetting that they were not alone, and that he’d wanted to remain calm and Sesshoumaru-esque. “It’s sure a good thing I’m here. You got this many enemies, we’ll need to stand together!”
He started to say more, but suddenly realized where they were. He lowered his eyes and waited for Sesshoumaru to say something. When he didn’t, he looked up at his brother.
Sesshoumaru was facing out, watching the soldiers, but with a look on his face that Inuyasha had never seen before. It took him a moment to figure it out, mostly because he never imagined seeing such a look on this particular face. Sesshoumaru was doing all he could not to laugh. He was holding it in admirably, but he was really struggling.
Then Inuyasha heard a snort from the other direction. His head whipped around to find Takeru Taisho, holding both hands over his mouth, trying not to laugh. His eyes looked horrified…he looked like he believed Sesshoumaru would execute him for laughing. It was at this moment when a few hundred of the soldiers closest to them could not hold it in any longer. Now Inuyasha realized that all within hearing range of them were doing the same thing….trying not to laugh.
Of course, Inuyasha couldn’t leave it alone.
He was of the opinion that, if you can’t laugh at yourself, then you shouldn’t laugh at others. He could, quite easily, laugh at himself, especially when it wasn’t someone making fun of him or disparaging him. This wasn’t. So he laughed too, and did it in true Inuyasha-style…loudly.
Of course, this opened the floodgates. Sesshoumaru was first. Looking to Inuyasha sharply and still trying to maintain his face-of-stone, suddenly he could last no longer. Seeing his baby brother laughing made him happy, and he could not help but laugh with him.
This broke Takeru’s restraint, and he howled with laughter; of course, this in turn led to the soldiers, who had heard the Hanyou speak, laughing. Laughter could be heard rumbling across that end of the field for about a minute. Then General Takeru, still chuckling, straightened up, called the soldiers to attention, and lead them away.
Inuyasha was grinning from ear to ear and Sesshoumaru was still snickering. They looked at each other for a long moment, and then Inuyasha asked, “Hey, do you think we could watch the Army another day? I’d really like to see the dojo. I’m ready to spar with you,” he added with a friendly smirk.
“We certainly can, Little Brother,” Sesshoumaru replied. He had composed himself, but he did crack a small smile as he stood and held his arm out to Inuyasha. Inuyasha smiled up at him, took the offered arm and stood, and they walked away together.

***

Approaching the “Small Dojo,” Inuyasha was amazed. ‘This is so cool!’
The entire two-story structure was set in the center of a small lake, with an ornate bridge as the only way to approach and enter. Tiny islands at the back corners sported large Sakura trees that swayed gently in the breeze. It was impressive looking, and Inuyasha thought, ‘This is the small dojo?’
As they walked in beyond the formal entryway, Sesshoumaru explained, “This is the dojo that is used by visiting royalty from other lands, or nobility. When there are any such in residence, this is the dojo we set aside for their personal use during their stay.”
Walking in to the bright and airy building, the first thing Inuyasha noticed was how large and yet elegantly simple it was. Dark polished wooden floors created a square around a combination of massive, one-inch thick tatami mats, each bordered in black fabric and stuffed with rice straw for padding. The entire second level was a gallery, from which anyone could watch the action below from one of three sides. The back wall stretched from floor to second-story ceiling uninterrupted.
On the lower level, one wall was filled, from the floor to the first-story ceiling below the gallery walkway, with weapons of all kinds. Inuyasha was impressed to realize there were some that even he didn’t recognize.
On both levels, there were windows of rice paper, but the windows on the lower level were much larger and all painted with images of Sakura trees, birds, lakes, and rivers. The solid, two-story back wall was covered with large, beautifully written kanji and paintings, but it was much different from the rice paper windows.
As he approached the back wall, he noticed that the kanji and paintings told the stories of battles.
On the gallery level high above, from the ceiling down, was nearly filled with all of his father’s battles and achievements: written records, as well as painted scenes of his more memorable fights.
Below that, starting a few feet into the gallery level and progressing down, he could see stories and paintings of Sesshoumaru’s battles. He looked with interest over the tales told there, starting from right to left. When his eyes reached the center of the wall, he got the biggest shock of his entire life.
His battles were represented here too. Sesshoumaru’s were on the right, and his were on the left. He could only stand there, open-mouthed in astonishment, staring in disbelief while tears gathered in his eyes, as he read over the glowing written accounts and beautifully painted scenes of his own accomplishments.
His battle with the Thunder Brothers was painted here, as was the battle with Ryukotsusei. Many others were written, and he wondered faintly how Sesshoumaru had come to know all these details.
The next thing to shock him to his core was a small, very detailed painting of him sealed to Goshinboku. He would have been embarrassed, since to him it only happened because of his own weakness, but for one fact: In the painting, standing next to him and reaching out to touch him, was Sesshoumaru. His throat seemed to close with the emotion he felt.
‘Is that how I actually looked?’ he wondered briefly.
But then, he couldn’t hold back his cry of surprise when he saw the part about Naraku. All of his battles against the Dark Hanyou were chronicled, as were Sesshoumaru’s, but it was the final battle that his eyes flew to because, shown in full color, it actually showed him and Sesshoumaru fighting side by side, along with his friends.
Sesshoumaru came around Inuyasha and gently used one clawed finger to close the boy’s mouth. “You deserve to be up there, Inuyasha. Even when I believed I hated you, I chronicled your major battles on this wall. You have been, and will always be, on this wall, with Chichue and me,” Sesshoumaru finished.
Inuyasha spun to face Sesshoumaru, his eyes flying to meet his. The tears welled up higher after looking into Sesshoumaru’s eyes, seeing them so filled with pride. Pride over him.
He was pulled into Sesshoumaru’s arms, and there the tears broke free, soaking the front of Sesshoumaru’s kimono. His hands gripped the silk tightly as his weakened knees buckled, and he sobbed into his brother’s chest.
All Sesshoumaru could do was hold Inuyasha tightly. It broke his heart, the way Inuyasha had reacted. It was obvious that the young man had never believed his own family had any pride in him.
Now that he thought about it…he had noticed before that whenever he was complimented or thanked, Inuyasha did not know quite how to handle it. Was he never complimented by those he cared for?
That was the only answer Sesshoumaru could come up with. So he held the boy tightly and buried his face in his hair, nuzzling him and growling low, falling back on instinct in his desperation to comfort Inuyasha.
The growls were soothing, vibrating through Inuyasha’s body. Slowly, his sobs subsided. It took him a while to get past the heaving breaths that come with such emotion, but Sesshoumaru held him the entire time.
“Sesshou?” he asked innocently in a small, tear-drenched voice, “Maybe we can spar tomorrow instead? I feel so tired all of a sudden. I’m sorry…for getting so upset. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before. At least not that intensely for that long. Maybe that’s why I’m so tired?”
Sesshoumaru continued to hold him, while running his clawed fingers through the silken strands of his hair. “Yes, Inuyasha, that is why you are so tired suddenly. That kind of emotion, it is physical. We can spar tomorrow, or any other day we choose. For now, we will return to our rooms and nap before the next meal. I think that would be a good idea.”
Inuyasha allowed Sesshoumaru to keep one arm around him as they walked, and he was glad for it. He felt like he’d fought a battle for days.
He never questioned Sesshoumaru when he said ‘we’ would take a nap.

***

Sesshoumaru pushed open the doors to Inuyasha’s rooms and walked him inside. He pulled the furs and sheet down on the bed, untied the Tetsusaiga and pulled it from Inuyasha’s belt, giving the boy a light push to have him sit. Placing the sword in the holder on the bed’s headboard, he then knelt down and began to remove the boots from his feet. Inuyasha’s eyes were huge in his face, seeing his brother do this.
“Uh, Sesshoumaru? You shouldn’t be doing that kind of thing. Let me do it…I can do it fine,” Inuyasha insisted.
Sesshoumaru looked up and said simply, “I wish to.”
There was nothing more Inuyasha could say, so he allowed it to happen. Once his boots were off, Sesshoumaru had him lay back against the pillows and drew only the sheet up over him. He then sat on the edge of the bed himself, removed his own swords and boots, and climbed in next to Inuyasha.
The Hanyou’s heart was beating faster than he thought was probably safe. ‘What is he doing? I thought we were trying to wait until tonight.’
“Sleep brother. We can both rest easier knowing the other is here. I will wake you for the meal,” Sesshoumaru said quietly as he pushed Inuyasha’s head down to rest on his chest.
‘Hmmmm….this isn’t such a bad idea. I like it,’ he thought as his heart rate slowed, before he closed his eyes and slept peacefully with Sesshoumaru wrapped around him.

~tbc

*****
Review replies: :) 2012-05-28 moved to: http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/index.php/topic/34807-change-of-heart-sesshoumaru-inuyasha/page__gopid__279873#entry279873

*****

Japanese used in this story:

Kami: (神) is the Japanese word for the spirits, natural forces, or essence in the Shinto faith. The word is also sometimes translated as "god" or "deity.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kami)
Sakura: (桜 in kanji, さくら in hiragana, サクラ in katakana) is the Japanese term for ornamental cherry blossom trees and their blossoms.
RyūYoukai: Dragon Youkai
Ryū: (竜) dragon (shinjitai kanji, kyūjitai 龍, hiragana りゅう, romaji ryū)
Youkai: (妖怪) demon (hiragana ようかい, romaji yōkai).
Takeru: (武) (たける) (the)warrior; military
Taisho: (大将) military General. (Takeru Taisho: (武大将) General Takeru.)
tatami: (畳) is a type of mat used as a flooring material in traditional Japanese-style rooms. Traditionally made of rice straw to form the core, with a covering of woven soft rush (igusa) straw, tatami are made in standard sizes, with the length exactly twice the width. Usually, on the long sides, they have edging (heri) of brocade or plain cloth, although some tatami have no edging.
Chichue: Father
Tetsusaiga: (鉄砕牙, lit. Iron-Smashing Fang) (also known as the “Sword of Earth”)
Sakura: (桜 in kanji, さくら in hiragana, サクラ in katakana) is the Japanese term for ornamental cherry blossom trees and their blossoms. (Hanami (花見, lit. "flower viewing") is the Japanese traditional custom of enjoying the beauty of flowers, "flower" in this case almost always meaning cherry blossoms ("sakura") or (less often) plum blossoms ("ume"). "Hanami" is the centuries-old practice of picnicking under a blooming sakura or ume tree.)
- 18
- 19
- 20
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Change of Heart