Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Tasteful Creams Err Tasteful Dreams	By : PhoenixDiamond Category: InuYasha AU/AR > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 5687 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Rumiko and company owns Inuyasha not me. I make nada from this.

Chapter List
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Author's Rant: This was inspired by a fic I read called The Restaurant by Mamotte Agenu. She's a comic genius and the randomness of it was just too funny!

You're 16? Check for Molestability

3 Weeks Later… Yes the time hell truly breaks through illegally…

"Sesshomaru please don't make me do it. Please don't. There has to be another way!" Cried Koga begging on his hands and knees. Yes people the handsome wolf begs.

The object of his pleas ignored him as he looked through the selection of CDs he'd use for the opening theme song of their first opening day. Each day of the week needed something to urge his molestable appetite.

"Sesshomaru!"

"Yes?" He finally answered. That took about ten minutes of Koga clawing at his pants legs and pulling on his back pockets and a rip in his button shirt. Sesshomaru's going to need a new one.

Want to know why Koga's so worried? Check this out.

Molestable qualities allowed in the wondrous world of Tasty Creams (Sesshomaru changed the name because he says it doesn't express his insatiable inspirations).

1. Skin is smooth as a baby's bottom. Literally.

2. If you prefer pooh bear then a college logo on your underwear, you'll receive discounts.

3. If your favorite games are Candyland, Hungry-Hungry Hippo, Finger painting or any other entertaining ten and under games. Action figures are negotiable based on the character.

4. Mickey Mouse is a chosen must for those of you without pubic hair.

5. If your private area is similar to a finger you're welcome.

6. Making macaroni cards and coloring in coloring books is appreciated.

7. Those who are just learning how to tie your shoes should come in for some personal home lessons.

8. Barely reached puberty or in the throes of bodily development. Depends on level.

9. Enjoy the pleasures of a flat chest, long dick and sharing bath water with rubber duckies.

10. Soft, cute, cute, cute, cute and sexy. Fine is an extra term to define reserved qualities if you possess them.

11. Be a boy. Adorable, sweet cuddly, innocent one who'll look sexy in a dress…or diaper or bib. Perferably the dress with a wig.

12. That is all.

Unmolestable qualities NOT allowed in the wondrous world of Tasteful Creams. (Naraku forced Sesshomaru to return the name to its proper title. Sadly he couldn't correct the Creams part.)

1. No facial hair.

2. No voice deeper than the owners. Unless in foreplay.

3. If your private area splits down the center keep walking.

4. No type of protruding lumps of flesh on your chest resembling cut out silicones, no hips, no juicy-can-shake-it-and-drop-it-like-its-hot booties. Need 'em firm and a little supple.

5. Any associates of the police department, please avert your eyes from the 9845 Vermillion Street block. There's nothing to see here.

6. If your private area resembles the deepest parts of Japan's bamboo jungles, we regret to inform you that no sort of weed whacker is offered.

7. If you have a driver's license you're no longer worthy.

8. Squeaky voice and curvy figures will be exterminated on sight.

9. Please follow the rules.

10. No femininely aware creatures.

Koga held up the black shirt with so many pink and blue colored letters sketched in an ugly tie dye. Neon colors too. They really hurt his eyes. But he wasn't worried about that. "Sesshomaru please don't make me wear this." He whimpered still curious as to how all of that could fit on a medium sized shirt. The print was pretty big. Somehow in its own twisted delicious way, it would promote the shop.

Sesshomaru looked at him almost in a pity-like face... Those words weren't big enough. Nevermind he was looking at the shirt. "I need customers."

"Then make Naraku wear this!" Koga fell to the floor, face flat and stomach flat and hands flat. Now he looks like a humanoid pancake. "Youregonnagetmekilled!"

"I don't speak floor language."

Oh yea that's right. Koga turned his head sideways. "You're gonna get me killed." There that's better.

"Die for the cause." Sesshomaru stepped on him and walked from the backroom. He found the CD he needed for opening day. Only one song would do on Mondays. It was supposed to be edited based on his older brother's recommendations for safe music...Well, Sesshomaru thought it was safe. "Naraku I want a different sign placed in the window by the end of the day."

Naraku wiped a handprint off the glass. "What kind?"

"Delectable Little Sins."

"No Sesshomaru."

Touché. Naraku always knew what to say to end a debate. The entire shop was clean now. New chairs, new tables, new paint job. All of it done a brilliant display of neon blues, pinks, yellows and to add class, a pinch of peach. Big circles, little circles. Maybe a couple of triangles if you use your imagination. Naraku saw a little square one time but no one found it since. The colors would distract any unwanted company, namely those possessing armpit hair. Yes that works, Sesshomaru nodded to himself after making a secret agreement in his head.

Koga flopped out of the back room teary eyed and droopy lipped. He looked so sad. Too bad. "Naraku please don't make me go outside in this." He pulled at the shirt hems and cried to his oldest brother.

Naraku pushed his glasses up and wiped off one of the milkshake glasses with a wash cloth. "We need advertisement."

"Then you wear it!"

"No Koga."

Touche. Naraku always knows what to say to end an argument. Koga gloomily walked to the door, purposely taking his time by taking baby like steps. Really small ones. He counted the little pink and green—yes there are lime green squares in there too. Anyway he counted each square a small quarter at a time and kept his head hung low.

"The slower you walk Koga, the less money we make." Naraku said calmly. He finally got that handprint off the glass.

The poor littlest brother turned his big blue eyes at his big brothers, hoping the effects of his puppy eyed trick would reprieve him from this death walk. Not likely. Naraku was finishing his milkshake glass, and Sesshomaru was turning to the one song too vulgar for children.( But he didn't care.) Koga sighed and pushed through the little glass door, sighing again at the little bell at the top of the door. The heavy slump of his shoulders were easily seen through the newly replaced glass window. Since today was Monday, the town was pretty active. So everyone was going to the twisted display of police worthy rules between two o'clock and nine.

The shop schedule only follows the school students actively dominating the population. That works just fine for Sesshomaru.

Suddenly a dozen or more loud speakers—some small ones but they played really loud— magically appeared from the ceiling. Compliments of Sesshomaru's inventive mind. Naraku stopped cleaning his fifth glass when the song's implications played in the most disturbing way.

Dickkkkkkey Ridddddeee

Don't u want a dickey ride

Don't u want a dickey ride

Dickey ride{where they at}

Dickey ride {where they at}

D-I-C-K-E-Y Ride {ride oh}

Don't u want a dickey ride

Don't u want a dickey ride

Dickey ride{where they at}

Dickey ride {where they at}

D-I-C-K-E-Y Ride {ride oh}

Don't u want a dickey ride

Don't u want a dickey ride

Sesshomaru blinked at Naraku. Naraku blinked at Sesshomaru. Naraku blinked twice at Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru blinked twice at Naraku. Why wasn't anyone stopping the terrible definition of this song?

"Do you want to dickey ride a cute little boy?" Sesshomaru asked easily, obviously not concerned that children could be influenced by a dickey ride song.

Naraku picked up another glass. "No I don't Sesshomaru." The ridge of his gold rimmed glasses slide down his face and as usual his index finger pushed them back up. "You're a psychotic, lunatic with a disgusting taste for male adolescents and you should burn in hell for all eternality."

"I see." No he didn't. That's why the song kept playing. He would've been listening to the song's lyrics for a motivated day of ogling school boys but suddenly noticed Koga ducking the impressive swing of an old woman's purse. She missed the first time but a counter of that wrinkled knee found a pleasant place in Koga's hidden valley of long loss molestation. Koga fell to the ground and held up his hands, begging the lady to stop hitting him. Nope she didn't stop. Sesshomaru can't read lip like Naraku so he couldn't understand what she was saying, but Naraku didn't feel like interpreting right now. Who knows what's she's yelling about but her pulse was wailing on Koga's head.

This is coming along well. Better then he'd expected. The advertisement is being welcomed with open arms just as he'd predicted.

Sesshomaru folded his arms and began his rehearsed countdown of grope time with a sexy little illegal boy. In exactly ten seconds, the wistful dreams of every pedophile's dreams would coming stumbling down those stone steps, all of them happily running to be in his arms. You know why? Because he's a pedo and deserves the pleasures of touching skin legally deemed against the law.

This was his internal speech used while he thought of the most defiling methods to grope those cute little devils. The same little sinful angels wearing those too tight school uniforms, were gradually growing into a disgusting adult and haven't had a piece of hair to touch their barely grown penises. Oh god. How sad that the thrill of being able to imagine those harems of nude tasties resulted with the side effects of lightheadedness and a blushing nose leak. He turned on his heel, said a quick "I shall return" and disappeared into the bathroom.

The second he placed a piece of get-horny-soon tissue to his nose, the front door bell chimed.

"Welcome to Tasteful Creams, how may I assist you this afternoon?" That was Naraku of course since his youngest brother was being beaten by a mob of elderly women and a yellow cat and his next to youngest brother was suffering in the bathroom.

"Yea you guys sell burgers?" Sesshomaru's ears perked on full pedo mode. That wasn't Koga's voice. It was younger, cute, gruff, filled with spunky attitude (Sesshomaru likes spunk), rather sensual, very attractive and above all else—he sniffed—the voice was against the law. A male's lovely tone, most likely fourteen, fifthteen or sixteen. All ripen ages. Perfect.

Dickkkkkkey Ridddddeee

Don't u want a dickey ride

Don't u want a dickey ride

Oh yes he surely did. Sesshomaru looked out the door, suspiciously covering half his face like an agent and narrowed his eyes at the view from behind the newcomer. A soft ass wonderfully encased in a pair of gray school pants. The material looked ripable... Marvelous. Long white hair blessed to be ran through his fingers. He was shorter than him. Good because Sesshomaru despised delectable illegals too tall. Oh and were those puppy ears on top of his head? Sesshomaru closed his eyes and came to the most fatal conclusion that yes he was going to molest this boy. It was a tough decision but there was no going around it. This puppy absolutely reeked of Jailbait Sauce.

"We haven't begun to serve that type of food in our shop just yet but would you be interested in another type of selection?" Naraku offered a booth seat for the young man to sit in. The teenager propped his hands behind his head, unknowingly having his half melon sized ass spied on by a secret demon. When the tantalizing view of immorality vanished into the seat cushion, the one visible golden eye pulled a ninja and vanished. No smoke effects of course.

"Sure, ya got any strawberry and vanilla mixed milkshake?" The boy asked.

Naraku nodded and went to get the ice cream. He wasn't supposed to be the waiter but Koga was still getting the living shit kicked out his ass and Sesshomaru was busy playing child predator.

With the evil older brother gone, Sesshomaru opened the door and nobly walked out, chin jutted out, head held high and stride as smooth as a criminal on a mission. He silently crept up watching the adorable twitch of those ears begging for his stroking touch of love. The sweet little puppy was quietly humming some tune Sesshomaru could care less about since it had nothing to do with sex and cleared his throat the instant he was beside the little treat.

Uh-oh

Naraku's negativity-concerning-loss-money meter went off and he glanced up just in time to see his brother eyeing a new victim for his nasty fetish. He couldn't for the life of him figure out what was so appealing about touching or even finding a child attractive. A male child for that matter.

Tsk thank god I took after father, he thought as a scoop of ice cream fell into the glass holder. Three full ball sized scoops later and Naraku was taking the edible treat to the young lad who suddenly noticed Sesshomaru standing beside him.

Without missing a beat, Sesshomaru took the ice cream, slide on the other side of the booth and gave Naraku the money to cover it. As if Naraku cared where the money came from? Money was money no matter who's pocket it came from. It was still profit after all. But that didn't mean he would steer clear of this danger zone. Sesshomaru was on the prowl and they didn't need a barrier set on this building. So from then on Naraku decided to clean his milkshake glasses next to the table where a possible crime would be committed.

Sesshomaru blinked at the innocent face and decided that his newest target for this town would be this round face of purity and sexiness. He was molestably qualified, "What's your name?" He interrogated calmly.

"Inuyasha." The teenage hanyou stated coldly with a ton of attitude dripping off the name.

That's ok. Sesshomaru likes that. No problem he knew how to handle himself just fine with things like this. All he had to do was use the correct words and there won't be a risk of terrifying the kid or risking a incident report.

"How old are you?"

"Sixteen."

Cha ching. He's ripe like a watermelon. That ass was going to be his.

Inuyasha spooned a portion of ice cream and stuffed it in his mouth. "What the hell are you lookin' at?" He asked roughly.

"I'm not looking at you."

"Yes you are. You're staring."

"No I'm not."

Inuyasha frowned. "Yes you are."

Sesshomaru didn't frown. "No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you were Sesshomaru, so stop staring." Naraku countered out of the blue. He pushed up his glasses and placed the tenth glass on a nearby table, still keeping full concentration on his brother's flinching fingers.

After that no one said anything else. Inuyasha sat there licking his ice cream. Naraku made sure Sesshomaru kept his hands to himself and Sesshomaru sat there thinking of the next best way to come on to this little damnation on legs. A couple of times his lips pulsed for the right combination of words to be laced in the perfect sentence but nothing logical came to mind.

Except… "If I change by name to Barney, will you love me?"

Inuyasha dropped his spoon. Naraku dropped his glass. Sesshomaru dropped his—well he wasn't holding anything but if he was it would've dropped.

Dead, horrible, zombie like silence gratified in a heavily tension filled disturbance. There were two things keeping Inuyasha from running from this table. One because he was too stunned to remember how his legs worked and two because he noticed a large spider crawling on the wall in the far back. Probably Charlotte. If you look closely you could see the word 'Run' tangled in her web.

Naraku made the first move and fluidly lifted the awe struck teenager by his arm and escorted him out the leather booth. "Have a good day." Or the equality of what he had before his mind was suddenly scarred.

Sesshomaru quickly—yes he can move faster than a blink— came to stop right in front of the exiting teen who only scowled at him.

Sesshomaru stared at Inuyasha. Inuyasha stared right back.

"...Polar bear." Oh yea that's smooth. Epic fail.

"What?"

"I apologize, I just wanted to break the ice." Sesshomaru was losing it. Definitely losing it. Come on, get it together man, or you'll blow your chance with a sexy jail baiter. "May I pick you up from school tomorrow?"

Silence….There was no point of dodging the honest to god fact that this tall beautiful freak of nature was a child molester out for Inuyasha's young ass. This guy had to be at least twenty two or three and here he was asking if he could pick up a sixteen year old from school. What would his friends think? About. Him. Hanging. With. A. Cool. College. Student. "Sure I get out at two forty five." He lifted a darker than his natural white hair eyebrow and turned away, throwing over his shoulder. "I'll wait for ya," and Inuyasha left. This time without a slight worry in his step.

Naraku followed the flexing target Sesshomaru's eyes stayed trained on and cleared his throat.

"Sesshomaru you can't touch him."

"Why not?"

"He's sixteen."

"So what?"

Pause. "That's illegal."

"Your point?"

"...We're going to jail."

Koga had long since fainted from his beat down by the mob of child-protecting old ladies.

TBC: Like I said this is pure crack. I seriously hope you can find the humor in this. ^_^
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Tasteful Creams Err Tasteful Dreams