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Must You Be So Difficult?	By : GizmoTrinket Category: InuYasha > Yaoi - Male/Male > InuYasha/Sessh?maru > InuYasha/Sessh?maru Views: 7733 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Inuyasha fandom that someone else does. Nor do I make any profit from anything I do.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
Must you be so difficult? Inuyasha             - By GizmoTrinket (Found on AO3, AFF)

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-Chapter notes:

Angst. Not as bad as the last chapter. You're welcome. Gore. Yeah, it's gross. Like zombie movie gross. You're welcome. 22 pages.

Nothing new in the author's note. Nor will there be. Don't bother reading it if you already have. If you haven't go ahead, it might make you laugh. Or cry. Or want to bang your head against the keyboard. But it is important. Mostly.

I will not be putting the A/N in the next chapter so this is your last chance to read it. Unless, you have a back button. Or bookmark this page. Or save this story. Then all bets are off.

In Chapter 3 on AO3 I will move the "How to read this story" section to the beginning notes. So if you have a skin that turns those off...

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-How to read this story:

---- Section break.

"...(none)..." Speaking aloud. +Internal +External.

'...(none)...' Thinking. +Internal.

^'...(italics)...'^ Inner consciousness (beast/yokai/whomever) thinking. +Internal.

~'...(bold)...'~ Mind-speak. Reiki +/- Yokai + Internal.

~"...(bold)..."~ Mind-speak and speaking aloud simultaneously. +Reiki +Yokai +Internal +External.

~^'...(italics + bold)...'^~ Inner consciousness using mind-speak. +Internal +/-Reiki +/-Yokai.

/...(none).../ Emotional response. Internal. +/-Reiki +/-Yokai.

~/...(bold).../~ Emotional response received through link. +Internal.

^/...(italics).../^ Inner consciousness's emotional response. +Internal.

~^/...(italics + bold).../^~ Inner consciousness's emotional response sent or received through link. +Internal +Reiki +Yokai.

                + Always.
                +/- Can be chosen to be included or not.

                Internal: Can be heard/felt/whatever by inner consciousness(es).
                External: Can be heard if the consciousness(es) have ears and are in range.
                Reiki: Can be heard/felt/whatever by consciousness(es) that are using holy energy to link.
                Yokai: Can be heard/felt/whatever by consciousness(es) that are using yokai energy to link.

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-A/N Also, warnings (longest author's note ever!):

No beta. First fan-fiction warning. I have written books before though. However, writing those usually involves editing... I tried but I'm writing this chapter while I'm depressed, or manic, or both. Basically I did my best and you can tell me where I made a mistake. I love constructive criticism. This has been officially edited. See end notes.

This takes place after the manga so spoiler warning.

Japanese warning. Context should be enough to figure everything out. If not use Google. Spelling of Japanese words may be off (I'm helpful! - Hopefully one day I'll edit these.).

There is an inordinate amount of swearing. Like, a lot.

I will try my damndest to keep the characters in character. If someone is acting out of character think of the situation. I may interpret events, facial expressions and words differently than you. So what I think of in character could be totally out of character for you. Don't forget that there are a million translations of this story in English and I can't read a lick of Japanese. Words have connotations. Also for the first, like, ten chapters the characters will appear to be OOC. It's just because you don't know everything that happened to them, yet.

This is a lemon. Or, it will be. Eventually. I will NOT warn you when things get steamy. Please, for the love of God, only read this if you're an adult.

The main characters are Sesshomaru and Inuyasha. Yes, they will have sex. Yes, it will be consensual. Yes, they will enjoy it. Immensely. Yes, they are half-brothers. Yes, they are both male. Yes, one of them may get pregnant. I will try to be as rational as possible. But, c'mon, a lot of shit in the manga doesn't make sense so cut me some slack.

Finally, I'm not very creative. So I steal a lot of stuff from other stories. Not plot line. Just, things. Don't bitch at me about it. Just try to enjoy the story.

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Chapter 2 - Idiot

~'Damn it. Dying shouldn't be this fucking painful.'~ I tried to think back but the memory was fuzzy. ~'I already died, didn't I? Wait, I feel pain. And...'~ I inhaled deeply. ~'I smell things. A fire and... People. Familiar people.'~ Another deep inhalation. I couldn't place them. One thing was clear: I wasn't dead. "Damn it." I wanted to scream but a whisper was all I could manage. I was disappointed but didn't try again A: because my voice hurt from not using it for kami knows how long and B: I didn't care enough to scream. It just wasn't worth waking up any part of me or my emotions that would enjoy that act. ~'Maybe if I lay here long enough these people will get bored of me and go away.'~

~'You are the most annoying creature on this island. Possibly the entire world.'~

~'Sesshomaru. That means Rin must be around here somewhere.'~ I didn't have the energy to sigh. I remembered everything now. They saved me. And since they were still here it was clear they weren't going to just go away. I could feel the bastard in my head. I mentally checked our... ~'What did I call it? Link or something.'~ I didn't know enough about the link to know more than the asshole could sense me as much as I could him. And that he was feeding me his yokai. ~'How did he find me anyway?'~

^'I called him. You're a pain in the ass and I'm sick of it.'^

Now I really wanted to scream. "Why?" I whined at both of them.

Honestly, I was pissed that I wasn't dead so I decided I had nothing to lose from being a dick. "And just so you know outside of our world is the universe. There are more planets-worlds and the stars are suns. Like ours. Some are bigger, some are smaller, some are different colors but almost all of them are dead by the time we see their light in the sky. We belong to the galaxy..."

~'Do you ever shut up?' /Anger, annoyance and worry./~

I shrugged. He started it. The pain in my throat was almost worth pissing him off. I had no reason not to continue doing so. "What the fuck are you worried about you psychopath?"

~/Less worry. Some relief. Embarrassment./ 'Psychopath? That is amusing coming from someone who is trying to kill himself in the slowest possible way and who's beast called for help. Idiot.'~

Those emotions. From him. ~'I think they're directed at me. This is the weirdest thing ever.'~ "The voice? Is that what he's called?" ~'I hate that guy. Never shuts the fuck up and always doing things I don't want him to do.'~

^'Me?! You're the guy who's...'^

I tuned the voice out and focused on the asshole who probably saved me but still might kill me. ~'He always said he would.'~ That thought was always depressing. No matter how many times I thought it.

Silence.

I could tell he was thinking and didn't really care about the answer so I didn't bother to goad him further. It wasn't appealing any longer. I focused on my energies instead. A quarter of the yokai I had when it was fullest. I'd need to use the yokai to supplement my strength and speed after starving myself for so long but the sword needed yokai too. A tiny amount of reiki. I didn't have enough of either to defend myself properly. And the bastard I usually had to defend myself against was here. ~'I mean, sure, he's helping me now. But I know that doesn't mean anything.'~ I shook my head to clear it and checked Sesshomaru's energy levels.

I was slightly tempted to continue the yokai transfer and drain the asshole of every last drop. But, that would kill him I couldn't kill him before and I wasn't going to now. I decided to rationalize it by admitting that killing someone who's trying to keep you alive wouldn't bring you any pleasure. It was true enough. And I didn't have to think any deeper on the real reason. I didn't know what it was and I had no desire to find out.

I cut the link and glared at him. "You trying to kill yourself now?" 'Ugh, my voice is terrible. Still hurts to use too.' An idea occurred to me. 'Oi, voice, can we open the link just to talk? No yokai transfer?'

^'Yeah. I'll do it and you watch me. I'm not your servant.'^

I mentally rolled my eyes and watched- felt, whatever.

Sesshomaru glared at me. He smacked the yokai link my inner consciousness sent him before accepting it. ~'Why are you opening a link after closing the first one?'~

The voice guided me on how to talk through the link. It felt just like thinking and I briefly worried about past thoughts but got over it quickly. 'Can't change it anyway if I was broadcasting them.' I focused.

~'It hurts to talk. Duh.'~ I closed my eyes. I told- guided my reiki and yokai not to heal and focus on replenishing. There was no point trying to kill myself if my voice thing was going to call for help all the time. 'And if someone's going to respond.' The more energy I had as a base the easier it would be to heal later. Plus, I could fight with injuries. I couldn't fight without energy. Not after starving myself for this long. ~'Maybe I can annoy him into killing me. If I were dissolved into nothing I couldn't heal.'~ The realization that I broadcasted that thought kept me from being depressed over it.

^'Idiot.'^

Sesshomaru tried to send more energy through the link and I glared and mentally smacked him. ~'If you want me alive someone's going to have to defend us. I have enough energy, for now anyway.'~

~'When was the last time you ate?' /Concern./~

'That is so fucking weird. When did he try to stop killing me?' I thought back on all the fights but I had picked them apart repeatedly over the years and still didn't have an answer. 'Even further, when did he start caring about me?'

^'Ask him. Or use your brain. You're smart... At least now that you're out of that damned prison of hell.'^

'I was smart before then. How do you think I survived until now?'

^'Me, idiot.'^ He rolled his eyes.

'How does something that is nothing more than a voice roll its eyes?'

^...^ Glare.

'Or glare?'

^... ^

'Never mind. Anyway, I never had you. Not until the beads came off.'

^'You just couldn't hear me until you matured. And then you couldn't hear me while I was being suppressed. I honestly have no idea how you had your first heat with those cursed beads suppressing everything.'^

'How do you know anything anyway? I didn't know anything. Until you anyway. Aren't you part of me? How can you know what I don't know?'

~'I don't repeat myself. Answer.' /Impatient. Frustrated. Nervous./~

I whimpered. I was just so tired. And I didn't have the patience to deal with these two fuckers separately on a full stomach. 'Whatever.' ~'Keade's. Day before I left.'~

~/Surprise. Guilt. Worry./~

So strongly felt I washed in them, oblivious to anything else. I could tell they were Sesshomaru's feelings. Suddenly the link cut off.

'I think this is the weirdest day of my life. Maybe I'm hallucinating before I die. That actually makes more sense. My brain cells are dying and I'm tripping. Or maybe I ate another bad mushroom. What if Kagome coming back and everything after was all a dream?'

The voice interrupted my delusional rambling. ^'I think I'm just going to call you idiot. There is no other word to describe you. It is officially your name.'^

'Kami-sama I hate you so much.' I pondered what to call him.

^'Everyone just calls me beast.'^

'Everyone? Who the hell else do you talk to? Can you talk without taking over? Just how much control do you have?' I was scared of the implications. Ever since I first heard that I could lose my soul I've been terrified.

^'I am your instincts. Passed down through your heritage. Whichever parent had stronger instincts gave them to you. In your case your father. Your mother, as a human, didn't have any. I can only talk to those you have spoken with in the past. Sorta. Do try to be careful. If someone is stronger than both of us they can wipe your mind and control you. I can only do what you allow me to do. Unless you're gone. Or unstable. Then I take over. But don't worry about me. I can't survive without you.'^

That was a little reassuring. Somehow I could tell he wasn't lying. And, if he did take control to call the bastard for help he relinquished control willingly.

The asshole suddenly stiffened and I smelt the sharp tang of terror from him.

'What the?' I linked to him and he accepted but I couldn't feel anything from him. I listened and probed for danger. Rin was asleep. There was a barrier on the cave entrance that blocked everything else out. I tested the strength of the barrier. 'Really fucking strong.' I could probably get through it if I wasn't weak. But only because I had my own reiki to help counteract her's. And no one and nothing was probing the barrier. I checked Rin over more thoroughly. 'Nothing. Super strong reiki. Amazing. I think she can kill Sesshomaru when he's at full strength. No evil. No taint. No nothing.'

Beast snorted (how?). ^'There's no way that pup could kill him.'^ (I raised a mental eyebrow) ^'Unless he was weakened.'^ He conceded.

'Please, I almost killed him, twice. Plus, she burned half his fucking hand off without trying. And not at this strength.'

'You. Are. A. Moron.'

'Oh, kami. I honestly have a headache from arguing with myself. What did that book call it? Schizophrenia?'

Beast didn't dignify that with a response. We both knew that comment was stupid.

I physically turned my head to look at the other annoying presence in my head. He had the strangest expression. And body language. Like he was in pain. I nudged Sesshomaru mentally. "Oi." He was freaking me out. I didn't know what the fuck would make him look like that. As far as I knew the only things he cared about were Rin and himself. 'Probably not in that order though.'

He closed his eyes and actually whimpered. Aloud.

I panicked. ~'What the hell is wrong with you?'~

Another whimper.

Terror. I didn't know who's. My chest hurt. I bit through my lip to distract me from the feeling so I could think. I could breathe but I was hyperventilating. I rolled myself to my side so I could see his face better and forced open his side of the link. I couldn't even articulate any thoughts in my head. The only thing I felt was overwhelming concern. 'Is something attacking him? I've NEVER seen him like this. Anything that could do this to him...'

~/Pain. Guilt./~ Overwhelming. He wanted to hurt himself because he felt he deserved it. ~'My fault. It's all my fault.'~

The comment was directed at me. I was stunned. I didn't know what the hell was going on. 'What's his fault? And, more importantly, why the fuck is the guy who stuck a hand through my stomach feeling like this all of a sudden?' I didn't like it.

My beast was freaking out. Whimpering. Demanding freedom.

'Will you stop? You're making my headache worse and I can't think.'

Beast threw himself against the chains I had around him. ^'Go to him. Comfort him.'^ He whimpered and sent me instructions.

'What?! Why?'

^'He's upset about you!'^

'I know. But why?'

Blood. Salt. Tears. The smells flooded my nostrils.

~/More pain. More guilt./~

My vision swam from sensory overload and my brain turned off.

Beast took control while I was overwhelmed. He flung my body into my brother's- half-brother's and wrapped my arms around him. He started... purring.

^'What the fuck?'^ I had no idea what that sound was. Or why he was making it. And I didn't like it. Even if the sound was oddly soothing.

He reached out with my yokai and comforted the asshole with it. He took the bastard's hand into mine and started licking the wounds left by his claws. Beast was in heaven.

I knew I had no physical body but I shifted uncomfortably anyway. I didn't know why or how but I could taste the blood. And it tasted good. ^'This is the weirdest thing ever.'^ I thought without meaning it. Honestly, my life was so fucked up this was partly normal and almost expected. ^'My other friends tried to kill me before they joined my pack. My alpha-bitch got off on dominating me. Hell, with our relationship-'^ I rationalized, ^'Shesshomaru and I should be lovers.'^ I snorted at the ridiculousness of that thought.

Slowly Sesshomaru came back to himself. Mostly because he was surprised at what I- no, beast was doing.

When the cuts were healed beast cleaned all the blood. When that was gone beast didn't stop his ministrations.

Sesshomaru felt... something more than brotherly.

Beast felt it too. And he liked it.

I forced myself back into control and away from my disturbing, mind fucking, mentally scaring thoughts. ~'I hate my beast.'~ It was the only thing I could say- think- communicate before the pain and exhaustion forced me and my beast into unconsciousness.

-----

'Weird.' I didn't feel any pain. But I could think. 'Sorta.' There was something. 'No. Someone. Feeding me reiki.' I reached mentally and felt her. 'Rin.' ~'Why won't you people just let me die?'~

^'Idiot.'^

Rin snorted and I could feel her roll her eyes through the connection. ~'Idiot.'~

I felt around but couldn't find Sesshomaru. I felt worried. Then I realized I felt worried. 'Why the FUCK do I feel worried about that fucking bastard?!'

^'I can't even talk to you. You're exhausting.'^ He started banging his head against a wall.

'How does something that has no form bang his head against a wall? Where did you get the wall?'

The banging increased.

~'Oi, Rin, where's the bastard?'~ 'Not that I'm concerned or anything.'

^'Keep telling yourself that.' ... 'Idiot liar.'^

"He went to hunt."

Panic.

I didn't know if it was mine or beast's. Or both. But I did know one thing. 'That's what I said when...'

Beast and I whimpered at the same time.

~'When?'~ 'Don't panic, don't panic, don't panic. He's not the type to... He was fine when we passed out, right?' My chest tightened.

I took a deep breath. 'Oh kami-sama I am such a fucking girl. I shouldn't care! I should be happy. I...'

~'This morning before sunrise. I don't know what's taking him so long. He was all weird when he left too...'~

"Fuck." 'Ow. Stupid throat.' I forced myself to stand, ignoring Rin's protests. I panted against the cave wall while I forced my body to do my command.

~'Don't move! You haven't eaten in over two years!'~

I blinked a couple of times while I processed that. ~'Wow, that's... kinda impressive actually.'~

^'I ate. Don't feel smug or overly full of yourself.'^

I snorted. ~'Don't worry. Apparently beast ate for us.'~ I tested my legs. ~'I just need to get out of the barrier then we can search for the bastard.'~

~'Beast is such a boring name. I named Sesshomaru's beast Fluffy.'~

I fell over. Laughing. 'Oh, kami!' I laughed harder than I had ever laughed in my entire life. I laughed until I cried and my ribs felt like they were broken. I'm certain there was a hysterical edge to my laughter because I'm pretty sure I was, at least a little, insane. When I was positive I was going to vomit if I laughed any more I forced myself to sit up and look at Rin.

~'Are you ok?'~ She looked at me like I was crazy.

I thought about it. ~'No. No I'm not. But that is the funniest fucking thing I have ever heard in my life. I'm glad I didn't die. That was TOTALLY worth it.'~ I snorted as I tried to contain my mirth.

^'Ok, you've had your laughs. Now find him BEFORE there's no him to find.'^

~'Rin, can you check outside this barrier and check on...'~ Snort. ~'fluffy? He was all weird last night.'~ I remembered the scent spike. I felt... Concern. Emotional pain. Fear. And residual humor. All over my half-brother. And all at the same time. 'Yep, I've lost it.'

There was no reason for me to be feeling this way. I knew the asshole could take care of himself.

^'But, he was weak. And...'^

'And weird? Yeah, I know.' I didn't have much experience with my brother. Even less of it was positive. But never once had I seen him display any emotion other than anger. 'Maybe distain. And superiority. Sometimes indifference...'

^'Focus.'^

Rin nodded and gave me a wide berth as she stuck her head out the barrier. The second her head was outside the cave I lost the link. I checked over myself while I waited. My reiki was at about a quarter of whenever it felt the most full... Which was apparently over two years ago. I pondered that and found that I honestly didn't care. I wondered how long it would take me to die after these two took off.

Beast whimpered.

I ignored him. He probably wanted me to go check on my pack or something. 'Hell, Keade is probably dead now.' That hurt. 'Stupid humans. I should have never allowed myself to get attached.' I hung my head. 'Eventually Sango and the pervert will die. And their kids will die. And I'll still be a teenager by their standards.'

^'You'll probably look like you're in your early twenties actually. Wait, no, you'll still be a teen. Humans only live like 50 years, right? Hmmm, how old are they anyway?'^

'That doesn't help.'

Beast shrugged. ^'You won't age past whenever you look like you're twenty-five if that helps.'^

'What? But that's dai-yokai aging. I'm part human. How the fuck does that work?' I sighed. 'I shouldn't bother taking a mate then. No dai-yokai would EVER want a worthless hanyou half-breed. I can't imagine watching my mate age and die. Then probably my pups. I mean, a quarter human and half a lesser yokai? They'd certainly age. I'll be stuck alone. Forever.' I banged my head against the floor. 'That fluffy laugh wasn't worth living for. Hey, beast, if I had a miko enchant restraints and sunk myself to the bottom of the ocean I'd die, right? I would drown eventually I would think.'

^'First: you have reiki. No one would be able to bind you. Second: STOP TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF and pay attention. Start fucking thinking. For the love of kami-sama are you blind?! Did you listen to ANYTHING I told you about mating?'^

I ignored him. 'I wish I had told Kagome about all the yokai around in the future. We ran into one on the street. He was suppressing everything and had some sort of illusion charm. Then I would have had something to live for - seeing her again. Not that I knew I would live that long. Would I have lived that long with the kotodama no nenju on? I would have, right? Rin said I wouldn't age with those stupid beads... Or that Kagome would come back if the well sealed... But, at least she wouldn't have gone crazy and died.'

^'Oi! Idiot! The pup is talking. Stop your girly pity party.'^

I reached out to her aura and felt her reiki attach to mine. She was worried. 'Fuck.'

~'I can't sense him. I can't search very far while maintaining the barrier but he shouldn't have gone outside my range...'~

I honestly don't remember getting to my feet or leaving the cave. I remember blind panic as I threw my yokai and reiki in opposite directions (for maximum coverage) looking for the bastard. 'There!' I withdrew everything else and poked him with my yokai. Hard. He was so far away.

No response.

"Mother fucker!" I stabbed him harder. His yokai was weak. Weaker than last night and last night he had given me so much he was weaker than I was. 'Why the fuck did he go so far?'

Rin was babbling about something but she was just background noise. All my focus was on my idiot brother. Half-brother. I was mentally scrambling for something, anything to find out why he wasn't responding.

Nothing. 'Maybe I am stupid.'

Beast reached out and I shared my awareness with him. He used my reiki to search the area around the jerk. ^'Miko. At least three. Go. NOW.'^

I prevented him from taking control of my legs. There was no way we'd get there fast enough if I ran.

Idea.

~'Oi, Rin.'~

"Yes?"

I prodded Sesshomaru with my yokai. ~'I need as much reiki as you can spare. I found him and he's surrounded by miko and weak. He won't respond. Can you also show me how you made that reiki shield around Kagome?'~

She pushed the reiki into me so quickly and forcefully that I fell to my knees. I shook it off and watched- listened to- absorbed her explanation. It only worked against tainted miko. I nodded at her.

I prodded the miko surrounding the cold bastard. No taint. 'Fuck.' Still nothing from him either. There was NO way I was making a connection with any unknown miko. I wrapped my yokai around him and searched for injury. I couldn't penetrate whatever those bitches were sealing him with. 'Wait...'

'Sealing? He was SEALED?!' I let out a guttural roar that tore my throat. My beast shared my brain in my rage and we shot forward. I converted reiki as needed and focused on my destination. And the way those bitches would die. 'Oh, yes. They will suffer. Painfully.'

^'Agreed.'^

I landed in a crouch protecting my only family and eyed my enemies. There was an older one who was moderately powerful and two trainees that would be as powerful as her when they came into their powers. 'No threat.' They couldn't sense anything from me and were cocky. I didn't bother listening to them as I moved so I could see my brother but didn't put my back to them.

What I saw almost made me snap. I screamed in rage and my fangs claws tore deeply into my palms. "SEALING ARROW? A FUCKING SEALING ARROW?!" My voice was rough with rage, disuse and beast. I held on to the only thread of sanity I could find. I couldn't kill them if they had to remove the arrow.

I moved my reiki as a shield on my hand and pulled on the arrow. Nothing. 'I HATE that FUCKING spell.' I tested the reiki and recognized the eldest miko's signature.

She had her energy flared as she prepared an arrow for me. I allowed beast to take over. I needed to be fast and I didn't want to fuck this up by over or under estimating my strength.

I blinked.

Screaming.

Finally my yokai found fluffy's. ~'Fucker.'~

He narrowed his eyes at me and huffed mentally. The only thing I could feel through the link was exhaustion.

The screaming turned into choking and all I could smell was the mikos' blood. I didn't bother to look; their auras were fading fast.

~'Was that necessary?'~ He was eyeing the eldest with a brow raised.

Honestly having no idea what he was talking about I turned to look at her. She had been eviscerated with the sealing arrow and her intestines were unbroken and slung over a tree branch. I couldn't see where her hands were but they weren't attached to her wrists anymore. It looked like her tongue was missing too biased on the fountain of blood she just spit up. I didn't want to examine her closely enough to find out for certain.

My human half winced. My yokai half was trying to give me more ideas. I thought about his question for a second and turned back to him. ~'Yes.'~ There may have been more venom in my voice-mental voice than I intended.

I wondered why I suddenly didn't have any problems killing humans. 'I suppose it's only fair... I mean, there are good yokai and I kill bad yokai. Isn't it only fair to do the same to humans?' I pursed my lips and decided I didn't really want to think about it too much. I checked on the other two. They only had their throats slit. 'Thanks for not torturing the young ones. Although, they probably didn't deserve to die.'

Beast shrugged and directed my attention back to the bastard.

He had very little yokai. I checked my yokai and reiki and wondered if I had enough energy to give him some and still get us back. The adrenaline was wearing off and I was weak.

~'Did you at least get us some food? Or were you hunting miko?'~ I asked, sarcastically.

He glared physically and mentally and tilted his head off to the side. His eyes drooped and he rested his chin on his chest.

I sniffed around. Miko blood, his blood and... the faint scent of deer blood. We were both covered in rapidly drying red stains and I couldn't tell how injured he was. 'Maybe I- we... you should have been neater...'

The elder miko gurgled. She was still alive. 'Cool.' I smirked.

~'Rather pleased with yourself aren't you?'~

~'She had it coming. You should know how I feel about sealing arrows.'~

He snorted. Aloud.

I tilted my head at him. ~'You ok to move? I don't know if I can give you energy and still get us back.'~

~'You look like a dog when you do that.'~

He sent me a mental picture of myself. I did look like a dog. 'Stupid ears.' ~'Ha. Ha. Really funny bastard. You need to eat and I am not leaving you alone to get ambushed by silly weak miko again. I don't want to drag your heavy ass over those bushes but I will if I have to.'~

Glare.

~'Kami, is that all you can do? Glare? Well I can't lift your lordly ass right now. I can hardly fucking stand.'~ I sent him my exhaustion. ~'I may have yokai left but that didn't mean that I have any muscle mass. If I were full yokai this wouldn't be a problem. Fucking human half.'~ I probably weighed less than Rin.

His eyes widened minutely. I wouldn't have noticed without my new eyesight. I also felt his surprise through the link. I could feel his unspoken question.

~'I'm half human. That comes with limitations and bonuses. Asshole.'~

He cocked his head as he thought.

~'You look like a dog when you do that.'~

~/Humor. Exhaustion. Half-hearted glare./~

'Huh. It's almost like he did that on purpose for a laugh.' ~'Get your fat ass up already. Damn it.'~ I locked my knees so I wouldn't fall.

He didn't miss the sway.

He stood up slowly and I smelt fresh blood. I ignored the part of me that wanted to lick it. It smelt really, REALLY good. His blood. 'Oh, kami. I really am insane.'

He narrowed his eyes as he looked in the direction of the kill then he subtly looked at me.

The link was quiet, as was he, but I understood. ~'You're a giant pain in the ass. If you need help just fucking ask. It's not like there's anyone to see you. And if there was leaning on me is way less embarrassing than getting sealed by those weaklings.'~ I marched, as best I could, over to him and flung my arm under his ribs. He seemed thinner than he should be. 'Is it the lack of armor? Has he always been this thin? He feels half starved.'

^'He smells AMAZING!'^

'I hate my life.' I ignored the death throes of the miko. Her lungs were filled with blood. Her heart didn't have enough to keep pumping. Seconds away from death. 'She should have suffered longer.'

I took a step forward and fluffy stumbled. He was weaker than he let on. /Worry./ ~'Put your arm around my neck.'~ When he didn't I did it for him. I fed him some yokai and carried- dragged him over to his kill.

Correction: kills.

~'Did you kill the entire herd? Damn!'~

There were at least twenty deer cleanly killed in the clearing and I thought I could smell more beyond. I tried to sit him next to the biggest buck but I wasn't strong enough and ended up dropping him and falling in his lap.

Beast purred.

I ignored him and pushed myself up. And fell to the other side. I wanted to ask why he massacred more food than we needed, or could, eat. Ever. I wanted to know why he went so far from the cave. I wanted to know how he ended up sealed surrounded by miko.

He was asking me something. He was nudging me.

He wanted me to eat. The thought of eating made my stomach turn. I brushed him off mentally and fell asleep.

-----

~'Eat.'~

'Oh, kami. Why am I awake?' Every part of me hurt. But I had more yokai than I'd had in a long time.

~'I don't repeat myself.'~

~'Why aren't you all "This Sesshomaru doesn't repeat himself?"'~

Pain. ~'Ow. Fuck. Did you just kick me? I think it's a reasonable question.'~

Mental sigh. ~'You eat, I explain.'~

~'You eat. This Sesshomaru tells you no more than necessary or that your tiny half-breed brain can process.'~

Mental wince. ~/Guilt./~

Splat. ~'Did you just throw raw meat on my face?'~ I could feel the blood seeping toward my eye and mouth. I picked up the food and examined it while wiping off my face with my sleeve. ~'Fucker.'~

~/Humor./~

I was torn, on the one hand I needed to eat. On the other I'd been violently ill from eating raw meat before.

^'You won't get sick.'^

I mentally rolled my eyes at him. 'Sure. That's why I was soooo healthy as a kid.'

He let out an exasperated sigh and moved my reiki to purify the meat.

I nibbled at the newly purified liver carefully, testing each bite to make sure swallowing it wouldn't overly irritate my finicky stomach. ~'Well?'~ I posed to cover-up my weakness.

~'Rin was imitating me. It was annoying and inappropriate for her to be doing so. Since you are pack I saw no reason to have you imitating me as well.' /Guilt. Lie. Wince./~

/Disappointment./ 'The only thing he could by lying about was seeing me as pack.' My stomach turned and threw the uneaten half of dinner at his face.

~/Confusion./~ The liver skimmed his ear and hair. ~/Annoyance./~

I fell back and closed my eyes. I blocked the emotional link on my end. My emotions were changing so fast I couldn't keep track of them. And most of them I didn't want to have in the first place. Let alone processing the ones that were his. ~'When'd you get so slow? I got you there.'~

~'I am not slow. You need to eat.'~ I could feel him testing my energy levels.

"Ha!" Wince. 'Ow. Stupid voice.'

~'Eat.'~

~'Fuck off.'~

Sigh. ~'Eat... please.'~

Stunned silence. 'Did he just...?' My eyes felt like they couldn't get any wider and my head turned so fast I pulled my neck.

His face was an emotionless mask. Not even his eyes gave me any insight into what he was feeling. I watched as he cut some tender meat from the deer near us and sat down next to me.

'That does look good.' My brain was still too frozen to realize he had wrapped his arm around my shoulders and lifted me so I sat against him.

He moved the meat closer to me and I devoured it before I was done blinking. My body wanted more but my stomach was rebelling. This was the fullest I'd been- well, remembered being, in... 'Huh. When was the last time I ate a proper meal BEFORE I left? The day Kagome came back? No, I was too excited to eat properly. And she was always bitching about how I ate like a pig when I ate to my fill. Hm...' My head cocked without my knowledge while I tried to think. I was so focused on my thoughts I lost track of my surroundings. /Comfort. Safe./

^/Happy./^

-----

'Oh Kami!' ~'Yesssssss.'~ I was in pleasure overload. I sucked as the most delicious thing I'd ever had ever flowed into my mouth. I moaned against... something as I felt that spot on my ear sucked on. My back arched and my eyes rolled back in my head. Blood traveled south.

The flow was stopping. ~'More.'~ I moved to bite the...thing and my ear was released. I whimpered at the loss.

"Shhh. Later. We need to get back."

Strong arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me against warmth, my hair tangling in the grass. I sighed and leaned back. I took a deep breath through my nose. 'Sesshomaru.' I tensed expecting pain. (A perfectly reasonable reaction considering our history. Non-recent history.) But he smelt different. And he was holding me. And he was breathing on my neck. I wiggled, uncomfortable at the situation and my response to it.

And his response to it. Which I could now feel. In his pants.

"GAH!" I leapt out of his arms and across the field. I noted absently that it was filled with mostly skeletons. 'Was it him that was sucking on my ear? Oh, I am NEVER thinking about that. Ever. As far as I'm concerned that was a dream. Featuring someone else. ANYONE else.'

^'Then why is your ear wet? And your pants tight?'^

He leaned up on his arm and gazed at me. ~/Amused. Aroused.../~

'And slightly... sad? I can't be interpreting that right.'

'How can him being disheveled and covered in blood be sexy?' ... I slammed the link closed, hopefully before that thought-feeling-both-either was sent. 'Where the FUCK did that come from?!' I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. Then, avoiding looking anywhere in his direction and breathing through my mouth. 'Not that it helps much, I am COVERED in his scent.' I banged my head against a tree.

Repeatedly.

It wasn't helping.

'Wait. I only smell him. And me- I smell clean. Where's all the miko blood?' I looked down and saw bare torso. I winced. I didn't even realize that it was possible to see every bone in someone's body. At least my hakama were still on. They were damp though and a little muddy. I opened my mouth to talk and winced as I tried to clear my throat enough for anything intelligible. I did not look at him.

"Relax." He reached out with the link slowly.

I sighed and accepted. Then I waited for an explanation. And did not look at him. Absently I ran my fingers through my hair. It was clean and not tangled. I frowned at the silvery strands in between my fingers. 'What the?'

~'It had been too long since you last ate. Your body spent all your energy converting the meat you ate. You were still hungry but... there was less meat left then was desirable.'~

I cut him off. ~'You ate ALL those deer?!'~ I looked at the setting sun. ~'In one sitting?! Holy shit!!'~

He mentally huffed. ~'Yes. I was hungry. It had been... longer than desirable since I last ate.'~

I allowed him to finish the sentence before I interrupted. I wasn't sure where he was going next and I wasn't sure I wanted to know. ~'Is desirable the only word you know? How long has it been since you have done something desirable in less than longer?'~ 'Oh kami SHUT UP.' I realized that came out way too sexual. /Embarrassment./ Blushing.

Beast was rolling on the floor laughing. I think he actually had tears in his eyes. He must have been keeping most of his amusement hidden from me because he seemed fainter than normal.

Sesshomaru didn't need to shut off the link for me to understand his reaction. Barking laughter carried through the better part of the forest.

I cocked my head and watched him laugh. It was nice. And creepy. I returned to banging my head against the tree.

When he calmed down he responded. ~'Clearly you need to eat more. Or you're insane. Both are possible.'~

The bark was coming off the tree.

He waited. And inched closer.

I sighed and turned to him. He had my fire rat under his arm. I avoided looking at his face while donning it. I would have asked where my kosode was but I probably lost it long ago. It wasn't self repairing or cleaning and I had more cuts and holes in my body in the last two years to count. It was strange that I never noticed that I didn't have undergarments. Because I certainly wasn't wearing any. 'I REALLY hope that I didn't have fundoshi on before...'

~'It is clean enough. As are you.' /Amusement./ 'Unfortunately the water was cold.'~

"ARGH!" I glared at him. But it turned into more of an ogle than I had intended. 'This is soooo weird.' I'd never felt this horny in my life. I shook my head and tried another glare. This one came out better. ~'Really? Right when I start to get comfortable? Ugh. How are you so creepy?'~

~'Humans.'~ He spat the word as a curse. ~'Firstly, your pants were on the entire time. Secondly, what on earth is creepy?'~

I REALLY didn't want to comment on... anything so I side stepped the question. ~'I left Rin weakened. We should go before she gets into trouble.'~

That diverted him. He asked me how I arrived and when I couldn't tell him I showed him what I remembered. He nodded and indicated that should we both help so the energy tax wouldn't be much.

I don't know how, but somehow I didn't understand that we would be traveling by light ball or whatever it's called. 'I didn't even know I could do that. That I did do that.'

He embraced me (fucking tree to my back prevented my escape) and surrounded us in energy just as the sun went down.

'New. Fucking. Moon.' My yokai dissipated and with it my link to the asshole that I was merged- surrounded - trapped with. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see. I couldn't feel my body. But I could feel my brain. And the essence of the bastard who was currently killing me. I couldn't tell him that though. And somehow the moron didn't notice.

I didn't want to die. Two fucking years trying to kill myself and now when I was getting my wish I didn't want it. 'Fuck.' I could feel brain cells dying again. I couldn't speak to Sesshomaru without a mouth and I couldn't speak to him mentally without yokai. There was only one thing I could do.

'I don't want to hurt him.' ... 'I don't want to die.' ... 'Kami fucking damn it!'

I flared my reiki.

'AIR!' I was so busy mentally thanking every kami I knew that I could breathe again that I didn't realize I was falling. It hit me about the same time the first branch did.

"Ow!" Branch. "Fuck!" Scratches. "Ooph." Branch. 'There goes the air.' Branch, branch, scratches, ground. I waited for the breath to get un-knocked out of me and my vision to return. 'Could I hate being human more?' Headache. Evidently I landed on my skull. 'Apparently yes. Yes, I can hate being human more.' I mentally cursed every kami I knew.

Something was approaching. 'Fucking human senses.' It was even worse now that my hanyou senses were better. It was like living in breathable salt water. You can see, kinda, and hear, kinda, and you can't smell shit, literally.

I snorted a laugh at my mental joke. 'Ah! I can breathe!'

Rustle. 'Fuck.' I could hide my reiki and hope whatever it was didn't notice me or I could flare my reiki and hope to scare it off. 'But, if it notices my reiki and is more powerful than I am (likely at this point, I'm so fucking low on energy) it will kill me. Hm...'

Rustle.

'It sounds closer.' I blinked but couldn't see anything. Anything worth noting anyway. 'It's weird how no matter how dark it is you can tell when you can see and when your vision is gone for any reason.' My vision was back but I didn't bother to look at what sounded like a bush. 'Stupid human eyes can't see whatever it is when it's this dark.' I noted that it didn't seem this dark on the last new moon. 'Wait, wasn't that last night? What the fuck?'

"Are you going to just sit there and wait for death since the fall didn't do it?"

'Huh, didn't matter what I did. ... Actually, better I did nothing. Wouldn't want to burn the fucker worse than I already did. Or hide from him. ...Wait, what?' Brushing away unsettling thoughts about actually wanting my homicidal brother's- half brother's company I tried to remember what his question was.

Pain.

"Ow, damn it! Don't fucking kick me." 'Oh, kami. How in the hell does speaking hurt MORE than before? ... Oh, right. Human.'

"You are undoubtedly the most annoying creature on this island. And the entire world."

I snorted. 'How is Sesshomaru funny? Is he trying to be funny? ... Or am I just insane?' I cocked my head and rubbed my temples. 'Ugh, bleeding again. Stupid face.' I opened my eyes. 'When did I close them?' I could make out a little of my brother's-half brother's hair and his eyes reflected light I couldn't see. They looked like they were glowing. 'Creepy.'

He had his head cocked. "You're human again."

I mimicked his tone. "You're observant." 'How can I see his eyes narrow when I can't see them? Is it just that there's less reflecting or...'

Smack.

"Fuck!" I closed my eyes. 'I probably deserved that.'

"Why are you still suicidal?"

My eyes snapped open again. "I'm not. I changed while in the light sphere of human death and since you failed to notice I was dying I did the only thing I could do."

His eyes narrowed.

"I know, right? I told you that you were observant. But, I'm sure you would have figured it out when we landed and my corpse fell at Rin's feet."

Silence.

"I hit my head." I said as an explanation. I wasn't sure I needed one but I was sure I wasn't coherent in my head so I probably wasn't coherent aloud.

"Hn."

Then, just because I could: "You probably didn't notice."

Smack.

"I think I'm funny."

"Quit your inane chatter and get up."

'Yeah, no. Fucking head.' "I don't think I can anyway. Probably have a concussion. That would explain it. I didn't think I was this... whatever before. How do you explain a concussion to a bastard dai-yokai? Does he know anything about healing? What does he..."

Smack.

"Oh shit. I was saying the in my head stuff aloud and the out loud stuff in my head, huh?"

"This Sesshomaru pities your head for having to listen to you."

"...I don't know if you're joking or not."

...

"I think you are though. I think you have a sense of humor. I think-"

"Stop thinking and start moving before your blood attracts things that this Sesshomaru will be required to eliminate."

I moved my arms and started to lift myself into a sitting position. "Fucking head!" I felt more moisture on my cheek. I couldn't wipe it off because my arms were supporting my torso. "Ugh."

'Wait.'

'Wait.'

'How is the moisture running up my head?'

"Mm."

"ARGH!" I flung myself over. "Kami-sama! Fuck, fuck, FUCK! Why the FUCK are you licking my face?!" Throb. 'Fucking head.' Throb. 'Fucking life.' Arms lifting me against a warm strong chest that smelt REALLY good. Bridal style. "Should have let you kill me." Throb. "Seriously." Wind.

"Can life get any WORSE? First, living with those fuckers mom called relatives. Then, she dies and I get beaten as I'm chased out. Next, seeing you and feeling more excited than I can ever remember. I mean, family, real fucking family. I knew just by looking at you. I was so hungry and alone. Then you FUCKING snort, narrow your eyes and turn your back on me. Fucker. I don't even want to think about the years leading up to Kikyo. Or Kikyo. Then the whole mu onna yokai mom thing. Do you have any idea how fucked up that was?! After that it's all stomach holes and stabbing. By the way, holes anywhere, but mostly in the torso, take FOREVER to heal. I must be the luckiest being alive that I was always healed enough by the new moon. Or maybe I have the worst luck ever. Kagome FINALLY returns, just when I was getting over her, and she goes crazy. Everyone leaves and Keade gets cancer. Now I'm getting licked by the only person who's ever given me a full erection. And it's my brother." I moaned pitifully. "Oh kami my head!"

"This Sesshomaru believes you were correct when you said you had a concussion."

I blinked in mortification as I realized my internal monologue had become external. "Oh, fuck me! I should have known that was all aloud. Could you dissolve me now? I can honestly say I'm suicidal again."

"Idiot."

____

End chapter notes:

This is version 2.0. For the original (published in January 2016) please msg me. The first version I wrote while in a manic episode and the words didn't come out quite right.

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Thank you:

naturechild02 on DA who gave me the idea to change the formatting to make mind-speak more noticeable. You can find her on twitter: @authormkrepps

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Editing notes:

Self Edited 2/5/2016:
Notes: Added more swearing. Fixed a couple of incorrect words.

Self Edited 2/6/16.
Notes: Changed formatting per request. That was a giant pain in the ass but I think it was worth it.

Self Edited 2/14/16:
Notes: Fixed more formatting. Added and adjusted sections.

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Other notes:

If anyone knows of a pdf site I can upload this story to I can add color coding to further help with any confusion about who's speaking please msg me.

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Disclaimer:

I don't own anything. Well, actually I own a lot of shit. Some of it is pretty cool. All of it is worth next to nothing. I really don't own anything that is in the Inuyasha universe. I kinda own this plot and all OC that come with it. No profit is made from this little gem. But, due to the nature of bi-polar I probably won't finish it. So... yeah. I don't care if you want to finish it if I haven't updated in over a year.
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