Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

And You, My Brother	By : Arianawray Category: InuYasha > Yaoi - Male/Male > InuYasha/Sessh?maru > InuYasha/Sessh?maru Views: 15027 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Chapter List
- 19
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Chapter XX: My heart, concealing it
For the sake of his dignity, Inuyasha was relieved when Sesshomaru agreed to stop in the forest behind the village so that he could transfer to Kirara behind Sango, while Miroku dismounted to walk with Sesshomaru.
But as Kirara soared over the line of trees, he realised how heavy-headed he felt, how carefully his brother had to have been carrying him these past hours, and how warm he had kept him. He accepted at last that he was far more tired and ill than he'd wanted to admit. Even Kirara's brief flight, which ended directly in front of Kaede's hut, left him clinging to Sango's hiraikotsu, forehead pressed to the smooth planes of the large weapon strapped to her back. He would never have managed a journey of a few hours on the fire cat without falling clean off her.
"Inuyasha, do you feel all right?" Sango asked, trying to turn around and check on him without knocking him off.
"I think so," he answered, carefully setting his feet on the ground but keeping one hand on Kirara for balance. Although he wanted to lie down right there, he forced himself to remain upright before the villagers who had come out of their homes to catch a glimpse of their returning resident hanyou.
Sango quickly dismounted, took his arm, and led him towards Kaede's hut, calling for the miko.
"Inuyasha!" Shippo cried, tearing out of the hut and launching himself into his arms – if Sango had not had a good hold of him, the kit would have knocked him over.
"Hey, how are you?" he asked Shippo warmly, patting his head and back, for the kitsune was crying, and he didn't want to see his normally mischievous face looking that way. "So you saved the day by going off to look for big, bad Sesshomaru, huh? I owe you one, Shippo."
The fox's temper flared now, both to fight his own tears and because the last few days had been distressing for him: "You'd better listen to me next time! I told you not to follow that thing! Look what happened! If you get into trouble again I won't lift a paw!"
"Yeah, yeah, I love you too," Inuyasha murmured, silencing Shippo by smothering the little fellow's tear-streaked face against his shoulder.
Kaede came out to take his other arm and lead him indoors, at which point Inuyasha managed to slur: "I don't think I've ever been so happy to see you, old woman."
Rin dashed out briefly before running back in to unroll a mat for him to lie down on.
"Please stop fussing…." he groaned, as he lowered Shippo to the floor while in turn being forced by the two women to sit on the mat, while Rin fetched cool water and hot tea.
"Here, Inuyasha," she said, kneeling beside the mat and handing him a cup of water. "You look thirsty."
"I am. Thanks, kid," he smiled gratefully, downing the water in one go.
"Tea next," the girl told him firmly, so he sipped the hot beverage, which made him feel better.
As Rin took the empty cups from him, Kaede ordered: "Lie down. You can drink more afterwards."
The old miko felt his forehead and jawline, checked the split skin on his scalp, and inspected his hands and claws.
"You have a fever, and you have not eaten or drunk enough in days. We'll set that right while you're still fragile enough to listen to me – which is rare enough," she murmured.
Inuyasha wanted to grumble back at her, but found that he didn't feel up to it. He just needed rest. He looked up at the doorway when Kohaku appeared, and again when Sesshomaru and Miroku reached the hut soon after, but couldn't bring himself to sit up although he wished to. In fact, he could barely keep his eyes open.
"Have you found anything seriously wrong with him yet?" he heard Sesshomaru ask Kaede softly.
"He's running a high fever, which I will do my best to bring down or break, whichever seems more appropriate as it develops. He is dehydrated, and has obviously not been given enough to eat either. He also has wounds on his head, which I am surprised have not healed yet, as they look to be several hours old."
"His hanyou strength was suppressed by magic for more than five days. It may take time for his usual powers to return. The wounds on his head, if what he told me was accurate, were inflicted by the sorcerer's staff and a demon's fist. I have seen no claw marks on him, so I do not think any poison has entered his body."
"He should recover with nourishing food, herbal brews and plenty of rest. As his strength is not at its normal levels, we will keep the wounds very clean so they don't become infected, and watch him carefully to see that he doesn't grow weaker. It is only six days to the new moon – I hope the transformation doesn't make him worse, if he isn't well by then," Kaede answered.
"Is there anything you require that you do not have enough of? Meat? Herbs? I can hunt or search for those."
"At present, we are well-stocked, thank you. If there is anything we should require, I will let you know at once, Sesshomaru-sama."
He heard that much before he felt Sango wrap a thick robe around him for a blanket as Rin placed a cool, damp cloth on his forehead. Miroku was saying something to Sango, but he couldn't make it out, for that was when he fell asleep.
** *** **
He didn't want to wake up. Every bone in his body ached deep in its marrow, and he wished to sleep on so he wouldn't feel the pain. But Kaede was easing him into a sitting position, and coaxing him to drink something that tasted like chicken broth with a massive dose of herbs. His sense of taste seemed half-gone too, and he couldn't quite tell what he was swallowing. But it went down easily and didn't hurt his throat, so he drank it all, lay down again and sank back into sleep as he felt Kaede's hands tucking the robe around him.
** *** **
Sesshomaru's face was the first and only thing he saw when he next awoke briefly. His brother placed a hand on his brow and looked at him through eyes filled with concern. Inuyasha tried to speak, but couldn't remember what he wanted to say, and couldn't summon any words – he felt so tired and his head hurt – and all it took was for Sesshomaru to stroke his face to make him drift off again.
** *** **
The hut was strangely quiet. It was usually so full of the village children's chatter in the evenings, the dull clatter of pots and bowls, and people coming and going with all sorts of requests. He peeled his eyes open to see Kaede stirring something over the fire, and croaked out: "Where's everyone?"
She stopped her stirring, went over to him, felt his head and peered into his face. "Hmm, you're looking a little better. That's good. Miroku, Sango and Kohaku have moved into the hut that the widow Aiko has left – you do remember that young woman who was married to the old joiner? Well, she's gone back to her parents' village to live now that her husband has passed away. Shippo and Rin are at the hut too – I sent them out of here as they couldn't keep quiet, and I didn't want them waking you up. Sesshomaru-sama is in the forest. He won't spend his nights inside human dwellings, but I can sense him right there, watching over this place."
"How long has it been since I came back?"
"This is the second day."
"Ohhhh… I can't keep lying here like this. It's pathetic."
"Don't you dare get up. If I have to knock you out with my ladle to keep you on that mat, I will."
"But I need to pee, old lady."
"Here. Use this jar."
He groaned again.
** *** **
Something was touching him… through the cage bars… about to sink its claws into him… coming closer… No! Inuyasha whipped around, fangs bared, only to snap out of his nightmare as he found himself staring in shock into Sesshomaru's face. The taiyoukai seemed almost as shocked, his hand hovering over Inuyasha's shoulder.
"I'm sorry," Inuyasha whispered, taking Sesshomaru's hand. "I had a nightmare. I thought I was… I'm sorry." It hurt him to see the pain in his brother's eyes.
"Don't be," Sesshomaru said. "I startled you."
"It wasn't you. It was…."
"Shh. Don't think about it. Everything's all right."
He felt desperate not to leave Sesshomaru with an image of Kinrin making any form of intimate contact with him. "Nothing happened, you know – nothing much – he didn't…."
"I know."
"I keep getting these bloody nightmares."
"It's only been three days. You are still unwell."
"I feel so useless."
"You are not useless. If you think that again, I will feed you to Ah-Un."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"Liar. I've never seen that beast eat anything besides leaves."
"I can teach him to acquire a taste for hanyou. Now go back to sleep. No more bad dreams for you," Sesshomaru said softly, placing a hand on his brow, as if conferring a blessing on his brother.
** *** **
"We wanted you to be the first to know," Miroku said, when he and Sango next looked in on him. "Even Kohaku doesn't know yet."
"Know what?" Inuyasha asked.
"Sango's pregnant."
Sango, reddening a little, nodded to confirm her husband's announcement. "I wasn't sure until now."
"Wow… that's…" Inuyasha gasped, sitting up. "I'm so happy for the two of you! Wait – you were already with child when you came looking for me – Sango, you could have been hurt."
"Uh-uh, no sitting up for you yet," Miroku chided, gently pushing him back down.
"Everything turned out fine, didn't it?" Sango smiled. "Don't worry, Inuyasha. I'll be staying well out of rescue missions from now on, until the child is born."
"And something else: we've decided to live in this village," Miroku added.
"That's great. It will be good to have you here."
"Aiko has sent word that she wants to move back to her parents' village," Sango said. "So we'll live in her hut for now, then see if we want to build our own place later, or just stay on there."
"I can't wait to see what your little one will look like when it's born," Inuyasha smiled. "Bet Miroku won't stop at one. He's been asking every woman under the sun to have his children for years, and finally, someone has granted his request."
Sango reddened again, and the grin on Miroku's face told them that he was already thinking about making the next baby.
** *** **
One morning, the fever was gone, and he felt truly clear-eyed for the first time in what seemed a long while, although in truth, it had only been four days since his return to the village, and nine since he had fallen through the sorcerer's portal. Kaede was satisfied enough with his progress to allow him out of doors with Sesshomaru, after draping a blanket round his shoulders. She forbade him to go beyond the immediate surroundings of her hut, so he seated himself at the foot of a nearby tree, resting his back against the trunk, while Sesshomaru sat beside him.
"Before something else crops up, and I fall down another well or whatever," Inuyasha began. "I have to tell you that what happened at the spring, you know, ten days ago, wasn't what I wanted to happen."
"I know that. It was my mistake."
"No, I don't mean that that wasn't what I wanted to happen. I mean the way I reacted – it wasn't how I wanted to react. I did want more from you. I do."
He wanted to touch Sesshomaru, rest his head on his shoulder – but they were in the village, there were people around, and he did not wish to be indiscreet. As they were side by side, he couldn't easily look into his brother's face, and he almost didn't dare to, not knowing how he would respond.
"You're not ready to talk about this yet," came Sesshomaru's reply after a brief silence.
"Of course I'm ready. That's why I'm talking about it."
"You are not ready."
"Why do you say that?"
"Inuyasha, do you feel at all grateful that I went to the caves to save you?"
"What kind of a dumb question is that? Of course I feel grateful."
"My point exactly. You feel you owe me something, although you don't. You feel you would happily do anything for me. You have also been ill, and sickness does things to the heart and mind. So you are not ready to talk about this. Wait till this is all behind you, and you are as strong as you were before. Then we'll talk."
Inuyasha twisted his head to stare at Sesshomaru's profile. "You're saying that you don't want to take advantage of me in my delicate condition? Since when have you been such a gentleman?"
"Don't use that human term on me."
"Doesn't matter what term you use for it – it is what it is."
Sesshomaru kept staring straight ahead of him, not looking at Inuyasha, and not answering, so Inuyasha nudged him hard in the ribs with an elbow.
That provoked the taiyoukai into turning to look at the impertinent creature who sat beside him – and to firmly take between his thumb and forefinger the soft-furred flap of one ear.
"Ooowwww…!" Inuyasha protested, angling his head to limit the pain as Sesshomaru pulled his ear just hard enough to make it burn.
When he finally released it, the hanyou rubbed it to soothe the sensitive nerves, muttering: "What is with you? I'm too ill to talk about us, but well enough to have my ears pulled for elbowing you?"
"Precisely."
** *** **
Two days after his talk under the tree with Sesshomaru, the night of the new moon arrived. Safe in Kaede's hut, alone with the miko, Inuyasha braced himself for his full-human state to set his recovery back. However, when the change came, he felt no worse than he usually did on such nights. In fact, he felt quite energetic.
"The dark magic used against you was designed to suppress demon power, so perhaps it can't touch you in your human state," Kaede mused aloud. "For once, your night of 'vulnerability' may have helped. Now let us hope this drives out all the lingering effects of the sorcery, and pray they don't return with your half-demon strength at dawn!"
"Great!" he declared, jumping to his feet and working a few cricks out of his neck. "I'm going for a walk!"
"Inuyasha, you're supposed to stay indoors on these nights." But her words fell on deaf ears – pink little ones under black hair.
"I'm going to have a talk with Sesshomaru. He's right there in the forest, isn't he? Bet he'll come running to give me a piece of his mind before I'm halfway up the path out of the village."
"Sesshomaru-sama will not be pleased…."
After checking quickly that no villagers were around to see him in this form, Inuyasha left the hut, ignoring Kaede. He was usually wary and tense every time the new moon came around, but tonight, he knew Sesshomaru was keeping a sharp eye on things, so he strode out confidently – even as a human, he could sense his presence, and knew he was watching him.
His brother had not paid him a visit yesterday, although he had not moved from the forest, and he wanted to know why. He made it three-quarters of the way towards the forest and just past the village barrier before Sesshomaru came out of the trees towards him, white as a ghost and almost as translucent.
"What do you think you're doing, coming out alone in this state?" he asked. His voice sounded tense.
"I came because I knew you were here," he replied logically.
Sesshomaru did not argue with this, although he did not seem happy about it. Inuyasha continued walking into the forest, and he followed quietly. In the near-total darkness under the trees, he became a pale figure at his back, with features Inuyasha couldn't make out.
"Did you wish to see me for a particular reason?" the taiyoukai's voice bridged the darkness between them.
"Yes. I feel perfectly fine, not sick at all, and we didn't finish our talk from two days ago."
"I told you that I want to wait until you are ready. It's too soon to discuss this."
"Hey, you're the one who asked me to wait too the last time, and I was doing exactly that when, whoosh, two days later, you were grabbing me. So much for waiting."
"I won't do that again this time," Sesshomaru promised.
"Won't do what? Won't be impatient, or won't grab me again?" Inuyasha asked, carefully feeling his way along the cold forest floor with his bare feet, for he could not see a thing.
"Stop walking, or you'll fall flat on your face. This is a safe place to stand. There are no snakes or scorpions near you."
"Good to know that," Inuyasha remarked, stopping and tucking his hands into his sleeves. "But don't avoid my question. What won't you do again?"
"I won't do anything I shouldn't until we are both ready. I wasn't avoiding your question. I was trying to keep you from tripping and falling."
"All you have to do to stop me tripping in the dark is to take my arm, you know."
But Sesshomaru did not take him up on that offer, and he could not see his face to read the look on it. So he stepped over to him across the width of the forest trail and put his arms around him. Sesshomaru stiffened, but Inuyasha ignored that and pressed his face into his neck, then nipped gently at his jawline, and said: "You didn't come to see me yesterday."
"You were well enough not to require my attendance," Sesshomaru replied, curling one hand around his brother's arm.
"I could have done with your company."
"Inuyasha," he murmured as the now-human hanyou continued placing little nibbling kisses on his cheek. "This is not going to help us arrive at an objective decision." He gently, yet urgently, eased his companion off him and held him away from his body.
Inuyasha felt a bit hurt, but conceded that nibbling at Sesshomaru's face was probably not the best thing to do if they were supposed to be waiting for the right time to discuss what they would do. So he stepped back, saying: "I know, I know. We have to wait. But you've been here every night since you brought me back, haven't you?"
"Yes."
"So how long can this go on? Don't you have anything better to do besides keep an eye on me?"
"I will once you have fully recovered."
"I'm about there. What will you do then? Are you going to let us sit down for a proper talk, or will you fly off at once?"
"We shall see when the time comes."
"When exactly do you think I'm going to be ready to decide what I want?" Inuyasha asked. "I feel perfectly ready now."
"You'll be ready to decide when you no longer need me, when you stop having nightmares about what happened, and when you regain your full strength."
"Anything more?"
"Yes. Wait till you are next angry with me and see if you still want to talk about it. That will be the time for you to decide."
"Will you be ready then?" Inuyasha questioned, voicing the misgivings he had felt from the moment Sesshomaru had looked less than pleased to see him on the path out of the village.
"I don't know. But we will have that discussion when we are both ready for it."
"What do you mean you don't know? You were the one raring to go for it before."
"I made a mistake."
That statement was so ambiguous, and Sesshomaru had tried to keep such a clear distance between them from the moment he met him on the forest path, that Inuyasha did not know what to make of it. But it sounded very much like Sesshomaru thinking better of regarding him as more than a brother.
"You made a mistake?" he echoed, taking a step towards the ethereal figure three feet away from him.
To his disbelief, Sesshomaru stepped back when he moved forward, away from him.
"What? You don't even want to be near me now?" he asked, feelings wounded and temper starting to rise.
"That is not true," Sesshomaru spoke. "I only want to give us both time – and space – so that we do not act in haste."
"You literally want space – as in – you want me to keep my distance?"
"Yes." Sesshomaru's voice was as even as before, but his youki was disturbed. It was something Inuyasha could feel despite his humanity. Some humans, like Kaede, Miroku and Sango, through rigorous training or natural ability, could sense demon youki, and he was the same on new-moon nights.
That really hurt. It hurt to hear Sesshomaru say that he wanted him to keep his distance, and it hurt to feel that troubled aura of his, as if he was somehow… afraid? No, he was never afraid, was he? Yet, it seemed very much as if he feared to make contact with him.
Inuyasha's instinct was to demand answers. Why? Had he changed his mind? Did he think he was no longer good enough for him because he had been contaminated by Kinrin? But Sesshomaru knew that Kinrin hadn't raped him. Maybe it was bad enough that he'd been touched by him? Then again, that couldn't be, not when he had been so relieved to find him alive, and so caring as he lay ill. Did he think he had jumped into the well instead of being pushed? Was that it? Was he angry because he thought he had chosen Kagome? But no, he had said before that he knew she would be Inuyasha's mate. Why should he get mad over her now? Maybe he was disgusted to have seen him so weak at the caves, at Kinrin's mercy, when what he wanted was a strong companion, not someone who could be chained up like a pet and pawed by a demon well on his way to getting inside his trousers.
No, that didn't make sense. The day before yesterday, he was still pulling his ear and sitting close to him. Perhaps he shouldn't have come out to talk to him as a human. Maybe this form of his was repulsive to him.
That's it? I'm not good enough any more? he wondered. But aloud, he said: "Okay. Fine. I'll keep my distance. Sorry to have bothered you tonight."
He sensed Sesshomaru starting to move towards him, sensed that he wanted to say something; but the move ultimately wasn't made, and the words didn't come.
So he couldn't even bring himself to continue the conversation?
Very well.
"I'm going back now."
"Inuyasha," Sesshomaru said at last. "We'll talk when we're both ready."
"Sure." He turned around and strode back along the path, certain of his footing as he had not stumbled over any tree roots on the way into the forest. He could still feel Sesshomaru's concern for him, but also that compulsion to keep away from him – as if he was now good enough to be his little brother, but no longer suitable as a partner, a lover. What had been born on the night of the last new moon, sending their emotions into such turmoil, was settling now on another dark night into the shape it looked like it would remain in for many moons to come, if not forever.
So be it, Inuyasha thought, pride smarting, but his head telling him it was for the best. Wasn't this what I wanted in the first place?
** *** **
Sesshomaru walked three feet behind Inuyasha until the hanyou crossed the village barrier, watched him till he reached Kaede's hut, then continued trying to read his emotions, and checking for danger to him in the vicinity, as he had faithfully for the past six nights.
He knew he had hurt his feelings, but he couldn't touch him now, not like that, not the way he was, so utterly vulnerable, those wide eyes flashing violet, then gray. He wasn't ready. What was the lad thinking, presenting himself in that state, all alone? Maybe he should have been more communicative, but it had been hard for him as it was to have continued the conversation as long as he had. And he had learnt the lesson that it was less important to preserve his good image in Inuyasha's eyes than to make sure that Inuyasha was kept safe.
Even from himself.
He returned to the spot he had been at before he had sensed Inuyasha leaving the hut, the place where he had left Jaken and Ah-Un, who had returned from the west four days ago.
"Sesshomaru-sama!" Jaken's grating voice greeted him once he was within sight of the kappa. "Is everything well with the ha… I mean… with master Inuyasha?"
"Yes."
Jaken had been cleaning Ah-Un's muzzles, saddle and saddlecloth. He now moved on to tidying the contents of the saddlebags, and at some point pulled out a piece of cloth he hadn't seen in there before.
"Sesshomaru-sama," the kappa asked, approaching him. "Do you wish me to discard this? It seems to be a torn old rag, although it has master Inuyasha's scent on it."
Sesshomaru lifted out of Jaken's hands the undershirt with one missing sleeve, which he had taken away from Inuyasha back at the spring as if to discard it for him, only to secretly keep it. He looked at it now, then back at the kappa, and said sternly: "Jaken, don't ever touch this again without my permission."
"Y-yes, Sesshomaru-sama," the kappa stammered, and scurried back to the saddlebags. He had just resumed his work when they detected the arrival of another visitor. Jaken grabbed his staff of heads as a precaution while Sesshomaru quickly slipped Inuyasha's undershirt into his own clothing and got to his feet.
It was the younger dragon demon who had accompanied his fellow-disciple, Amaya, to the caves. He landed several feet away from them in the forest, bowing and waiting until Sesshomaru permitted him to approach.
"Sesshomaru-sama," he said. "My sensei Ryuhi sends you his greetings and, once again, his thanks for warning our tribe about Kinrin's plot. He also wishes me to deliver the message that our tribe has not used, and will not use, the sorcerer's knowledge against anyone."
The demon laid a cloth-wrapped item on the grass, and began unfolding it, although Sesshomaru's nose had already told him what it was.
"This is my sensei's proof to you of our good intentions."
He opened the last fold of the cloth, and there on the grass lay Tatsuya's freshly severed head.
The demon added: "My sensei wished me to tell you that he wanted to return the sorcerer to you alive after he had finally neutralised all the potions, so that you could deal with him as you pleased. However, when the sorcerer learnt that he was to be sent back to you, he tried to kill himself. My sensei chose to execute him as a mark of respect to you, rather than permit the man to end his own life."
Sesshomaru inclined his head to acknowledge the message. "Give my greetings and thanks to Ryuhi."
When the demon left, Sesshomaru gave Jaken his orders: "Jaken, take this head to the bear oni in the south. Go into the heart of their territory – Ah-Un will know the way. Tell them that the dragons have executed this sorcerer, and I have killed the demon, who held their brother captive and experimented on him. They may do as they wish with the head. It will be a long flight, so let Ah-Un rest in a safe place before returning."
"Yes, Sesshomaru-sama," Jaken said, and got Ah-Un ready. The dragon, well rested after four days of sleeping and eating in the forest, was eager to stretch his figurative wings for another long trip, and tossed the kappa around in his excitement.
Sesshomaru watched them leave before sitting back down on the rock he had been resting on before the young demon's arrival.
Alone now, he drew out Inuyasha's undershirt from inside his own clothes and breathed in his brother's scent deeply from it. He held the garment a moment longer, contemplating it, then slipped it back beneath his haori and its underlayers, where his armour kept it pressed next to his heart.
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And You, My Brother