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Red Lotus	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 20072 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 7
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 19
- 20
- 21
A/N: Long time no see! If it makes a difference, it's a long chapter? You can always check my tumblr (without following) to see if there are any real life stuff getting in my way. Thank you for the kind reviews, the constant support.
Also, the piece of article in the fic, is from a real article. So I don't own that.
Red Lotus
Chapter 20: The Prodrome
Weeks.
It ended up being all her life needed to be flipped upside down.
In a few days, Kagome would begin her first job. It did not qualify as an occupation but it fit for the time being. She would be helping out during cancer fundraising and it came with a salary. They gave her nothing more than a meagre 2,000 yen a day but it was more than she made at the moment which meant she was grateful. At least, she would be able to save some money and perhaps provide for herself once in a while. Sesshomaru did not comment much on the matter, simply asking if she did it for herself or because she did not want to use his money. Since irking him remained far from being her primary goal, she answered that she needed this and he believed her without giving her a second glance.
Things between them shifted as well.
Sometimes, he came to her, he touched her and he lingered. By now, her skin memorized the touch of his lips, the warmth of his hands and the weight of his body. Red tinted her white cheeks at the memories. Though sometimes, he avoided her. He pushed her away, like today.
"Did you find what you were looking for?"
Kagome turned her head to the side and offered Hojo a smile. She enjoyed her day, out and about, at Sesshomaru's request. She failed to see how it represented a good idea considering how he reacted each time she saw her friend but - he almost seemed pained when he asked and she decided to indulge in his demand. Hojo expressed a great happiness at the idea of coming along and out the door they were. Simpleness surrounded their outing; they were walking around in the outside mall, browsing the shops, despite the fact that she had no intention of buying anything. She did not have money yet.
"Just looking," she quickly answered, tearing her eyes away from the make up aisle.
She was not one for heavy make up and all that jazz. However, whenever she looked in the mirror, the sight in front of her was painful. Sometimes she wondered if make up could help better the situation but she would never venture down that road. She did not even have anyone to impress.
"You look fine without it," Hojo said as he scouted to her side as she kept walking away.
"Oh, I wasn't - I -" she stammered, unable to find an appropriate excuse. Her ears turned red, and she grimaced while a tingling swept up the back of her neck.
"It's fine, sorry. I shouldn't have pried."
"It's okay," she said with a wave of the hand. "I feel silly. That's all."
"You shouldn't," he re-assured her with a grin.
They kept walking, a quiet silence surrounding them. Sometimes, she felt him stealing a glance. "So… can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"What is your husband up to?"
She cleared her throat, almost choking as she heard his question. She scraped her bottom lip and hurried her gaze at the pavement. "Oh, hm, well. Sesshomaru is, hm. He's busy with work."
"And he doesn't mind us hanging out?" He winced. "This is just a friendship. I just - I know not all husbands are comfortable with their wives hanging around other guys."
Oh he had no idea. "Oh no, he's fine with it." After all, she was only here because of him.
"Good." The atmosphere thickened to an uncomfortable silence, and she noticed Hojo rubbing the back of his neck.
That gut feeling never truly went away; sometimes she swore he saw her as a simple friend because any other possibility indicated insanity but then - he would say certain things and she had to wonder. Saying that Hojo was not good looking symbolized a lie because he was attractive. Sandy hair, pulling on brown, shiny blue eyes, an adorable smile. He was tall, much taller than she was, but still shorter than Sesshomaru and he had a sturdy, large chest. He dressed in a clean fasion, white shirt tucked into dark beige pants along with a pair of probably pricey brown leather shoes. Plus he was extremely studious with a bright future ahead of him. Nonetheless, it was the same as when they were younger; she did not yearn for him despite those qualities.
But she could.
Sesshomaru made it absolutely clear that she should have her own life. He did nothing short of kicking her out the door.
But she did not.
Plus he deserved much better than a scrawny girl in too big jeans and baggy white t-shirt. And her hair - and face… and she was just too much of a mess.
"Oh do you mind if we stop here?" Hojo said as he came to a halt. He pointed at the pharmacy, his lips twisted. "I gotta pick up a prescription."
She smiled. "No, it's fine."
He led the way, and she walked behind him. Once they past the sliding doors, he went straight to the counter while she lingered back. Her eyes traveled briefly to the make up section, but she walked past it. Then, she found herself in the hair products, which was completely useless for her, and walked all the way to the vitamins. She assumed that she would no longer need those. Would she even need medicine once she was healed to perfection? Questions filled her mind, and she kept moving forward, never paying attention. Until she ended up in the lubricant and condoms aisle. Her entire face turned red, her cheeks burning hot. She meant to glance away and pick her pace to walk far from here before anyone saw her but her feet stayed put.
Her eyes roamed over the nauseatingly colorful bottles and packagings surrounding her. Lubricant. As much as it embarrassed her to admit, she hardly thought it was something they would need. Condoms on the other end… she never even thought about protection. Mostly because she thought she would die a virgin and then because she did not even have a period but… now that they returned on a more regular basis… What if Sesshomaru and her crossed that line? Although, at this point she felt like it was more a question of when than if. Clearly it was not pleasing for him but… after everything they did so far, she was almost certain that it was an inescapable fate - and it probably explained why he sent her out with another man.
Did he have condoms? Would she need to get some?
Dear kami. She would never be able to grab a box of those and buy them for real. It might be juvenile of her but she would not survive it.
"Kagome?"
Her blue eyes widened, and she instantly backed away, almost sending Hojo on the floor as she crashed into him. Her heart was racing while her eyes darting, searching his eyes. "H-hojo."
He lifted his hand, showing her his little white paper bag. "All done. Did you need help with som-" But he never finished his sentence. Instead, his eyes locked with the products Kagome was looking at and a deep hue of red colored his cheeks. "Erm, ah I…"
"I just needed," She turned her head left and right, hoping to find something to explain this shameful situation, "this magazine," she rushed to say as she spotted the rack. She retrieved the first one from the top of the pile and nearly shoved it in his face. "I - sort of - I had not renewed my subscription," she stuttered. She was possible the worst liar in the entire world.
"Oh. Then good thing we came here," he supplied with a smile.
She nodded, her shame obvious on her cheeks. "I just need to pay," she said as she ran to the cashier. Once again, she would have to use Sesshomaru's money. At least it was not expensive… plus she would make sure to reimburse him the moment she got her first 2,000 yen. Kagome never made eye contact with the cashier, not even when she paid for her item. It was with a shaky hand that she gave the young girl the 500 yen and as soon as she was done she walked out. Hojo waited for her outside, his bag in his hand.
"Ready to keep going?"
"Actually, do you mind if we sit for a while?" She ran her fingers through her hair, feeling the sweat coating her dark strands. "I think I need to catch my breathe."
"Oh, no, of course. Sorry, I didn't even -"
"It's nothing, don't worry."
As a matter of fact, it was not the walking that exhausted her. It was the rush of adrenaline she experienced inside the pharmacy. It was official, she was going to stay very far away from that section. She acted like a little kid who got caught when she was grown married woman. So what if she had been looking at those things? Hojo knew she was married, he knew she had someone in her life. It was not strange right? Even though she felt a slight shame from the experience, the question weighted on her mind. They would have to do something about protection…
Hojo ended up finding a little café for them and they enjoyed a nice cup of tea before resuming their little none-shopping… shopping. The awkwardness dissipated and by the end of their little friendly outing, Kagome was almost sure that he forgot about it - even though she never would. Especially not considering that she had to hold that wretched magazine the entire time. By the time dinner time rolled in, they parted ways with a promise to hang out again soon. Kagome went on her own way, taking the bus home. Thankfully, someone offered her their seat, and she gladly took it; her legs were killing her. Once she arrived to the apartment, she finally could relax. Unfortunately for her, the idea of relaxing involved reading.
And she thought that since she bought the magazine, she might as well read it.
That was until she got to page 21.
"Where to touch your man - his 9 pleasure triggers?" She shut the magazine closed and laid it flat upon her thighs. A blush crept across her cheeks and she pinched her lips tightly together. What kind of magazine did she buy? She dared to flip the cover. Cosmopolitan. Oh of course. She groaned while putting it back down. Did they have a section called how to please your husband who's only your husband because he promised to save your life and you guys are totally not comfortable with each other? She did not think so. Though she would be lying if she pretended her fingers were not tingling to flip over the page. Sesshomaru did a few… Erm things for her. Although he was just as unexperienced as she was, it seemed like he somewhat knew what he was doing. Perhaps his instincts were a big help. In her case, she was completely lost.
Would it be that wrong… if she read it?
Slowly, she rose the magazine, her fingers fumbling with the edge. She kept her gaze high, clearly ashamed of what she was about to do. After inhaling a deep breathe and putting pressure on her lungs, she dared to lower her eyes and began reading.
"Number one, the outside of his lower lip."
Alright, that was not so bad. She imagined worst things being in there. Yet that did nothing to explain to her why that was a pleasure trigger. "Extra sensitive nerve receptors… huh." So far, so good. Even if she could not see herself sucking on the outside of his lip. "Number two, the front of his neck." She could see that as plausible, especially considering the fact that Sesshomaru was a canine and nuzzling seemed to be appreciated. That one was less awkward to execute.
She cleared her throat and moved on to the third point on the list; his nipples. Her eyes did bulge slightly, but she understood. Considering how sensitive women's nipples were why should it not be the same for men? Although, she did not fail to notice the jump… in type of body parts. Then again, this was cosmopolitan, what did she expect?
"Number four, the… dip under his ankle?" What in the world. "It is linked to the sex organs." There was no way she was going to attempt this one. Plus if she got near his ankles, he might look at her strangely. What - was she talking about? Getting near his ankles? Her face could not get more red if she tried. It was not like she was doing this to seduce him. She read because she was curious. Plus he always knew where to touch her and she remained there like a statue. Clearly if his touches felt good… shouldn't hers be somewhat tolerable?
She shook her head, chasing the thoughts away. She could already feel her heartbeat speeding up. Time for number five. "His perineum?" A part of her told her it was a mistake to keep on reading but she did regardless. "Most men are shy about guiding you to this patch of skin just past his family jewels. But beneath it is his prostate…" Her lips parted, and she was breathless for an instant. She popped her lips. Her face, neck and ears were feeling impossible hot as she wondered if she could pretend that she never read those words.
For a moment, she closed the magazine, her finger remaining between the pages. Did she want to keep reading?
She was like a child. A grown woman should not be blushing this much. Inhale. Exhale. "Number six," she read out loud with a shaky voice. "His s-shaft." What else did she expect? She swallowed hard, feeling like something was blocking her throat. She never - she felt it when he was close to her, touching her through her clothes but she never actually put a hand around it or anything else. He touched hers very intensively, but it was not one of the favours she returned. Suddenly, there was sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She felt bad. He gave, and she gave nothing in return. Out of guilt, her eyes roamed over the instructions; He'll feel incredible friction, especially if you start off torturously slow, building up speed as he gets more and more pumped and then slowing down to keep him in a holding pattern. To make this move even more mind-blowing, squirt some lubricant into your hand.
Could she do that?
The thought of it sent her body on fire and she knew she would never be able to pull off something like this.
Her eyes sped through the rest of the numbers which included the head of his penis, the seam of his testicles and his frenulum, something she did not even want to read about. Once she reached the end, she closed the magazine and dropped it on the coffee table. There was a tingle traveling through her body while shame churned her stomach. First condom and then that magazine. Her mind kept her too focused on this and most of the time she did not know where she was heading when it came to Sesshomaru. And now to top it all off, she felt more guilty than ever. She never asked for the pleasures he gave her but he did it all nonetheless. He did not ask, but it did not mean… he did not want it…
It was not like she was disgusted by the gesture or that Sesshomaru was bad looking. He was good looking and - and most days her head and her heart got confused. She did not want to do dates because it was bad for her, but going in, trying to please him she feared it might be just as bad and it would also be bad for him. He was on the edge of breaking, she could see it every time they interact that. The first time he - he went down, she thought he was not going to stop. There was a glow in his eyes that he had never seen before. Yet he surprised her and he did manage to move away. She could not say that she would have stopped him. She never could because she would never say those words.
She admired his strength. This was difficult for him, probably more than most events he experienced and yet, he exerted control as though it was natural for him.
She did not have that kind of strength. She could give up her life, she could throw herself in front of danger but she could not control her emotions.
Suddenly, the sound of the handle being twisted brought her back to reality. She yelped, quickly sitting up on the couch. She bent over, grabbed the black remote and sunk back into the depths of the soft couch before turning the TV on, sounds filling the room immediately. A few seconds later, Sesshomaru appeared, his suitcase in hand, looking as flawless as he always did.
He did not even need to step inside the apartment to realize she followed his indications; she saw him again. It was what he wanted. Jealousy made him possessive but if he pushed her away enough, he might give himself some time. He unfortunately came to the conclusion that he could not escape his fate. He did need to prepare himself for it and he needed to accept the fact that losing her one day was a reality. The bond might be changing his life upside down but he intended on fighting it at least a little bit. He could not give himself over completely.
Sesshomaru held his breathe for a moment before he rested his suitcase against the nearby beige wall. He unbuttoned the first dark grey button of his black suit before tossing off his jacket and hanging it by the door. He felt as though he was suffocating. A shower might have fix the problem but since she remained unaware of it, she could not fix it. He dared to raise his gaze and finally their eyes met for an instant. Then, his eyes landed on the strange object on his coffee table. A woman's magazine. He never saw her show any kind of interest for that type of reading before. How to apply make up. How to dress for an evening out. 9 triggers to please your man. The last one he had to read again and his orbs widened a tad.
And she noticed.
Kagome blushed furiously and buried her hands between her thighs. She should have gotten rid of that. Idiot, idiot, iiiidiot! She forced a smile on her face, trying to pretend like it was perfectly normal. Meanwhile, he could not help but sniff the air. Yes, there was a hint of arousal.
"H-how was work?"
"Fine."
"Are you hungry?"
"No."
He kept up with his habit of eating since it helped her do the same. However, his mind was distracted for the time being and he was not thinking his answers through. There was a thrill running through him as he wondered what was in the magazine. He did not care. It did not matter. He was already wound up so tight it was a miracle he did not snap. Every movement, every touch…it was harder and harder to control himself.
"Did you have fun?"
"Yeah, we hm, we went shopping."
"Did you buy anything?" He already knew the answer to that.
"No." She shook her head. "Well, this," she said gesturing to the magazine. Her goal was not to get him to focus on it but she wanted him to know she used the money he gave her. It was only fair that he was aware of how she spent his hard earned yens.
"You are allowed to spend the money I give you. You are more than in need of new clothing." Every time he saw her she wore the same baggy thing, the same clothes that hid her body away. He knew none of what she owned fit her but it did not mean she needed to remain that way.
"I will buy clothes." She paused. "When I start working."
He resisted the urge to look annoyed. He swiped his eyebrow prior to nodding. He would not fight her on this but they both knew that it would require a lot of time for her to buy any kind of clothes on her small salary. However, he understood the principe of pride and would not push the issue any further.
There was an urge inside of him, pushing him to get closer to her. He was used to touching her, now more than before. Although, it was always done in a setting that was not necessarily labeled as normal. Regardless, he did not want that stench getting close to him and he certainly had no desire to smell like a human man. Plus, despite the growing jealousy inside of him, it was much easier to control himself when he thought about the fact that she was not his. Despite what the bond was trying to drill in his head.
Sesshomaru walked past her, heading into the kitchen without even brushing up against her. It was a new thing they had now. Small touches, almost unnoticeable but this time he did not even try. At first she quirked an eyebrow, but quickly she remembered why; she smelled like Hojo. He probably had no desire to be close to her while another's man scent covered her. Perhaps she should have thought about taking a shower. She sighed, stealing a glance in direction of the kitchen. She was not hungry; there was too much preoccupying her and Sesshomaru's mood appeared to be quite crabby.
And she was nervous and confused.
They both knew the final destination but they had no idea what path they were taking to get there.
-R-
"Did you try some of the things I suggested?"
"Some of them." It was not exactly a lie. She might not be going on dates with the right person but they did get closer physically.
"Did it help?"
He touched her more, he lingered around a little longer. It clearly pushed his limit to a new point. "I g-guess."
Dr. Izu looked at her, clearly not believing any of her answers. "Do you feel like you communicate enough with your husband? Do you tell him everything that weights on you?"
No. "Sometimes." Of course she could not talk to him. She could not bother him with the million thoughts going through her head or there were simply some subject she did not even know how to talk about it.
"Do you know why that is?"
"I - hm…"
"Are you uncomfortable with your husband?"
"No, I simply, I - Some things are harder to talk about."
"Sex." Izu said with a smile. "You blush when the topic comes up."
"I don't think it's necessary to talk about it."
Dr. Izu shifted around in her chair before holding on to her writing pad. She leaned forward and looked at Kagome straight in the eyes. "Kagome, do you remember when we talked about children."
A pause, an hesitation. "Yes."
"You just knew he did not want them. You said you did not talk about it." She stopped, searching Kagome's face for clues. "You want them."
"I didn't say that."
"You didn't say you didn't either." She gave her a soft smile, almost as if she was trying to sympathize with her. "When it comes to sex, you won't talk to your husband. You have a hard time with dates as well. I've mentioned this before. You never talk about him. You do not have good memories with him. You cannot have an active sexual life with him. You wish for children and he doesn't."
As Dr. Izu pilled up all the reasons that meant Sesshomaru and her were clearly not meant for each other - a fact she knew too well already - she began to regret her choice to seek therapy and help. There were too many lies for this to work.
"You want to work on yourself. And you should but I am wondering something. A lot of your problem seem to come from the fact that you're afraid to speak. You've condone yourself to a life of unhappiness and you're not trying to actively do something about it. You've simply accepted your fate."
What else could she do? Her choices were fairly basic. Death or life and the choice of life did not come with a bunch of add-ons. True love was not on the list, kids were not there either. She did get Sesshomaru though. He was nice to her, he gave her strength and despite her best intentions, she developed feelings. She could not put a label on them but they were there, pulling at her heartstrings.
"I don't want to waste energy on things I can't change."
"But why can't you change them? If you married him, you love him. Why aren't you fighting for that love?"
Because Sesshomaru could not love and the only reason he lusted for her was because he had to, he was forced into it. The only thing she earned from him was respect and it was enough. "I am. But in this relationship some things will stay the way they are."
"You can fight, Kagome. I've seen it in your eyes. Sometimes, certain topics…your eyes light up. You're a fighter. I do believe however that you no longer know what you're fighting for."
Sesshomaru also thought she was a fighter. Problem was, she thought of herself as a fighter…in another life. One that was not as broken as this one.
"This is what I'm gonna need you to do Kagome. I need you to find something to fight for."
Kagome inhaled deeply, her breathe hitching. Something to fight for? She had a hard time fighting for her life, for her life and her pride. How was she supposed to find something that was worth it all?
"Break through your fears. What is the worst thing you believe might happen?"
She shrugged. "I'm not sure."
"Will your husband leave you if you speak about children? About your urges?"
Kagome tried to keep a straight face as she shook her head. "No." He was stuck with her, he would not leave her.
"Then why not do it?"
"I'm scared," she blurted out. "Things won't change. I'll hope and get crushed again."
"When were you crushed?" She tilted her head to the left. "You thought you were dying, you accepted death instead of life… and here you are." She waited but Kagome did not say anything. "Is there a worst pain than accepting you will die?"
"No."
At that moment, everything was over. She said goodbye to her hopes and dreams and knew she was leaving everything and everyone behind. In the last instant he came along and brought it all back. Ever since then she was afraid to touch, to feel it all, in fear that she might lose it again. Except she was alive… with very little chances of death.
There was one problem; running was much easier than facing her fears.
-R-
The week rapidly ended and saturday sneaked up on everyone. The sun was up high in the sky, the remnants of orange quickly quitting the horizon, letting the shades of light blue take over. Neither Kagome or Sesshomaru were late sleepers but he always left his room before she did. His routine included a shower first thing in the morning and then, either he would allow himself some leisure and read a book or he would catch up on some work. She stayed longer, then took a shower, and they would eat breakfast together. Today, he had already showered and finished a book and she remained locked in the constraints of her room with apparently no intention of getting out any time soon.
He did hear her cellphone a few times; a few buzz. She did not know many people which could only mean one thing; either her mother was contacting her so early in the morning or someone else was. Either way, it did not concern him.
His book should be his main focus.
His control over himself used to be much better than this. Feelings constantly swirled inside of him and he found that his tolerance was much shorter than in the past. The feelings were irritating him and if his new found feelings were not enough he always had hers to deal with - sometimes they popped up out of nowhere, invading his mind. The pain from the constant need was such a habit that he became accustomed to it. Although the sensations he got from touching her… those he would never get over. Even now, days and weeks later, he could smell her, taste her on his tongue. Her moans and whispers were songs he could not get rid of - it followed him around when the need was too much.
Then, a sound echoed through the silence and he could clearly hear her door crack open as she stepped out. Her footsteps were quiet while she made her way to the couch. His gaze never faltered from his book, not even when she sat down beside him. From the corner of his eye he could see that her short hair was a mess, sticking in every direction. Once again, she was wearing an overly large blue t-shirt, one that was hiding the curves she was slowly getting back and a back of large grey shorts imprinted with little mice. She tucked her legs beneath her rear and stared ahead at TV, despite the fact that he left it on mute as to not be disturbed.
"Are you busy?"
The fact that she talked was what shocked him the most but he recovered quickly. He put his book down, the dark green cover hitting his black pants covered legs and turned his head to look at her. "No."
"Can I talk to you?"
"Are you hurt?"
She shook her head. If she talked to Sesshomaru, she would spill secrets. Secrets were what kept their relationship tainted, it was what helped her keep a wall between them. It was a good wall, she liked that wall and yet here she was… about to break it. Now she had his attention but she still had no idea how to begin this conversation. She did not know what to admit first, what to tell him at the beginning. What did she want him to know? Not only that but she needed to know some things in order to do other… things
"Why did you want me to see Hojo?"
He did not expect him to be the topic of the conversation. "Is he not your friend?"
"I guess."
"You were free to stay home."
"I know." She clamped her hands together, gently rubbing them. "I felt like you needed me to go."
"I do not require you to do anything."
"You don't like him."
"That is untrue. I have not met him."
"You don't like when I smell like him."
Even she could not believe the boldness of her words. This conversation was easier because she did not have to say anything he did not know.
"You are well aware of the reasons why I do not like his scent."
"Yeah, the bond."
And he did not correct her. Why should he? It was the reason they were both in this situation. She wanted to say that if it were not for the bond, she would feel nothing for him. Unfortunately, the feelings began before he had to touch her, before they had this need to touch one and another. It began when he gave her strength when she had none. She used him as a pillar to build herself back up and even though she still struggled with the foundation, he was the reason she began in the first place. He did not even know it, and probably did not even try but he pushed her out of her shell, threw her in the real world… he gave her a life again.
That was the reason her head and heart were so confused.
One of her biggest fear was rejection. She let him lead, she did not venture outside of the limits of what she did not know. Considering the fact that she did not know anything, her limits were not…they did not include anything. Dr. Izu's words were in her head, flashes of the magazine and memories of what he did to her. If she gave that part of herself up, would she be worse off?
She closed the distance between them by scouting over and only stopped when their legs touched. He did not say a word but he observed her very carefully. She glanced down at his book and gently took it away from his thighs and put it away on the mahogany coffee table. It tinged against the glass in the middle of the table. She raised back her gaze. "Can I?"
He did not know what she was asking but he nodded regardless. She would never harm him, meaning whatever she wanted to do could not bother him. The stench of nervousness coated her natural smell but despite all that he could detect a hint of spiciness. Why was she aroused? He had come to the conclusion a while back that he did not let her express her needs often enough. He would not stop her.
Kagome gulped, trying to stop her damn hands from shaking uncontrollably. She did not know where to begin; should she erm, sit on him? Or should she already lower herself to the ground? It was clear that he was able to hear how loud her heart beat was. Her face was also on fire while her legs tingled with promises he had fulfilled in the past. Her bottom lip quivered as she put a hand on the inside of his thigh. Immediately there was a surge of blood in his lower area. She broke the eye contact and decided to lower herself on the ground. She let herself drop, her knees clacking against the floor. She moved her hand to his knee and did the same with her free hand. Gently, she squeezed her body between his legs.
He was dead. He had to be dead.
Or this was that goddamn dream again.
It was one of the two because this could not be real.
His instincts were screaming at him and he wanted to stop her. He wanted to push her away and tell her not to do it but he knew he would never do that. He could not even come up with a reason not to let her do it. This fantasy had been the plague of his existence lately. He never asked her to do it, she was choosing to do it all on her own. The magazine was starting to make more sense now.
"Is it okay?" she asked, looking at his belt instead of his eyes. If she looked at him now, she would coward out.
He nodded, somehow unable to find the use of his voice. The sight of her alone was enough to bring more blood to his cock. His erection was now clearly visible and it was painful. He could cum on the spot.
Clumsy hands reached out for his leather belt and she fought with it for a while before finally undoing it. She could barely move her fingers by the time she had to undo his button. Without breathing she managed to get through it and she succeeded, after much fumbling, in unzipping his pants. For the next part however, she needed his help. She raised her gaze, just enough to see his chin, and she waited. After a few seconds, he understood. His own hands were hasty for the first time. He tugged on his pants a pit, lowering them half way down his ass. Most of his black boxers were showing. It was time for the big reveal. It was not big deal; she felt it many times. It was almost the same thing…right?
She held on to the edge of his boxers but did not tug down yet. Beneath her fingers she could feel the heat of his skin and even though she was not glancing his way, she could feel the heat of his gaze. She took a deep breathe, at least as much as she could, and pulled down. Nearly immediately, his cock sprung out, standing straight in front of her. Her eyes enlarged; it was her first time seeing one. It was definitively bigger than it felt when he pressed his body against hers. She tried not to stare but she could not help it. She knew what it was supposed to look like but in person it was different. The head was much larger than expected and that big vein on the side…
A slight shifting in position coming from him snapped her back. She re-focused her attention; she said she was going to do this. She went too far to turn back now. Although, she still feared she might die of a heart attack before it was all over. If Sesshomaru could do it, and he was worst than her when it came to human contact, she could do it. Plus it was not an obligation, she wanted this. She would lie if she did not say she did not feel a ping of excitement underneath all the fear.
She guided her hand until it touched the heated, erect skin, and then, she wrapped her fingers around it. She could not completely go around it, but she figured it was the best she could do. She remembered reading in the magazine earlier that dry on dry was not the best way to go but it was a little too late now to figure out what to do about it. She slowly began to move her hand up and down, sometimes stretching and dragging along the skin of his cock. He stiffened around her, his legs squeezing her a little. She kept repeating that motion until eventually, it was a bit easier. Her nervousness was making her sick. Her guts were twisted and there was a pounding in her head. He never seemed that nervous when he was doing…her.
The next step… the next step would be to replace her hand with something else. Should she keep her hand there as well or remove it? Gah, she did not know. She exhaled loudly, which almost sounded like a sigh, and she tilted his erection in direction of her lips. She quickly wet her mouth with her tongue and then, closed her eyes before creating the first contact. The warm head of his penis touched the inside of her mouth while her hand remained on the shaft. Her mouth was still wide open until she fit what she thought was… acceptable? And then, she wrapped her mouth around him. That was when she heard it, a long hiss of pleasure. That was good at least.
Alright, she could not stay like this.
She grazed her mouth around his cock while moving her hand up and down. Her mouth could not take enough and she settled on keeping her hand there. She tightened the grip around his shaft and then, began to slowly bob her head on his dick. She had no idea what to do. She knew the basics, what she unfortunately saw, heard and today well read. It was not much to go on - at least not to do a very good job. She did her best to keep her hand and mouth in a rhythmic motion.
Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was hardly able to contain himself. Her hand was already a lot more than he was able to control but her mouth? It was a warmth, soft and soothing cavern and it was wrapping around him, sucking him, teasing him. He had a strong dislike for masturbation, he saw it as an annoyance beneath him and he wanted to feel the same about this but it was even better than his dream. All the sensations were sending him into overdrive. She was kneeling in front of him, completely submissive, pleasing him. He did not want to like but it did not stop him from growling in need and lust. He made sure to keep his hands by his side, his claws, poking through the disguise, ready to rip the couch apart.
As Kagome kept trying to breathe while shoving his erection in her mouth, she found herself licked beneath the head, right where it met the shaft. As body jolted beneath her and she took it as a good thing. She pulled her mouth away, freeing his cock, and then tried something. Ignoring the heat in her face, she poked her tongue out and gently licked the top of his dick. He tilted his back, showing her a hint of fang at the same time and he groaned. Fangs. She forgot about the deadly aspect of his body; they were so often hidden.
Sesshomaru wanted to drive his hands through her mass of dark hair but he thought there was a chance he might hurt her. His claws had already broken through the couch, white stuffing slowly escaping the soft couch. He could not help it; all he could smell was her arousal. She might be focused and clearly shy, her nether regions had something else in mind. She was damp, leaking and it smelled wonderful and he knew how it tasted. He was ready, his cock strained, wet and her core dripping. He could slide in, he could end the charade right now. He already admitted to himself that he would have her eventually. All he was doing was delaying the moment.
Some of his thoughts did not feel like his own thoughts.
Why should he think that?
Carnal desires were not even a need of his before she came along.
He should fight. Keep his pride. It was what he did.
But her fucking mouth.
She put him back in her mouth and resumed sucking, and enveloping him with her warmth. And he dug his claws further in, actually ripping the couch apart. She turned her head, twisting it and his cock along the way. Drool leaked down his shaft which only made it easier for her to jerk him off. Her legs were rubbing together, a fire starting in inside of her. It was a sort of control she was not used to having. She was on her knees but he was weak beneath her. She never saw him out of control like this and she was the one who caused it.
Another hint of tongue.
A faster speed.
And then it happened. He did not even have a chance to warn her, it simply happened. A fierce growl slipped his lips, his fangs drawing blood and his claws destroying, ripping the couch all the way to the cushions, he came. And she did not see it coming. A sound of surprise escaped her as she felt the warm, somewhat salty, and creamy substance fill her mouth. Most of it landed inside but from the surprise, she let go of his cock and the end of his orgasm finished on her face, covering her nose. The moment Sesshomaru lowered his head, noticing that his own hand never satisfied him this way, he was greeted with the sight of Kagome swallowing his cum, while some of it dripped from her nose to her lips.
He could not look away, he could not move; his heart was racing and there was a rage beating inside his chest. There was only one thought in his head.
He needed to get away from her, he needed to get up and walk away but he could not; she was between his legs.
"You need to move."
"W-what."
"Move."
She arched her eyebrows, truly confused by what was happening. She thought - she thought he enjoyed it and there he was, standing in front of her, angry.
He leaned backward into the couch, his head completely tilted back. He closed his eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose. "If you do not move, I will fuck you on the coffee table." The words were strained, his voice husked; she barely recognized it.
His words stopped her heart and she fell backwards. Her neck hit the coffee table because of the cramp space but it was enough room for him to rise to his feet. His cock hung limp between his legs, over his pants, while he dashed over to the bathroom. He yanked the door opened and slammed it so hard she was certain it would break under the pressure, but it held on. On the other side, Sesshomaru drove his fingers through his silver locks and dropped to the ground, his eyes turning red, his desire bursting through his chest.
Meanwhile Kagome ran her tongue over her lips, still tasting him, and exhaled loudly.
Did she make a mistake?
-R-
- 19
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- 21
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Red Lotus