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What Matters the Most	By : Avarwen Category: InuYasha > Yaoi - Male/Male > InuYasha/Sessh?maru > InuYasha/Sessh?maru Views: 55388 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.

Chapter List
- 20
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- 22
AN: Hello Everyone, long time no see huh? (If you can call, what, three days(?) a long time.)
I�m fairly busy so I�m probably not going to be updating nearly as often, but I have noticed some kind of strange things about the Inuyasha characters lately.
Like why the hell do Inuyasha and Sesshomaru seem to be the only demons with claws?
Naraku doesn�t have them (though if he�s a spider demon I suppose he wouldn�t) and neither does Kouga! -- I swear, even though he claims to have them, if you look closely at him do you ever actually see him with claws? It�s fucking strange, you�d think being a wolf he�d have bigger claws than Inuyasha, but he doesn�t, all he�s got is a tail, which I am undecided if it is real or not. It looks like it�s wrapped around his waist, and it�s the same colour as the pelt he wears (which I am assuming is not his own) yet I think it might have wagged once on it�s own when he wasn�t running... and how the hell does Kagura always manage to keep hold of her feather when it transforms back into a small version? All it�d take would be one good blast of wind and WHAM! No more escape method.
Lol, sorry, but sometimes little things like that just really stand out to (and annoy the hell out of) me when I see them and I just have to point them out to others.
Anyway, to the reviewers:
-Bambigirl - Well, with some practice, a lot of free time on my hands, and some very sadistic voices in my head, it�s quite easy to do actually. However, due to the fact that the sadistic voices are quieting down somewhat, I think that there may be a MAJOR writers-block coming on (an authors worst nightmare!) and I don�t know when I�ll get the next chapter out... : (
-Anon - ... we? Lol, are you speaking for the other reviewers, or... do you have voices too? ^_~
-Chibi-Porunga - Urk! How the hell could I have made that mistake? Lol!
-Naraku�s mistress who ties him to the bed and rides him till he bleeds - Well, Naraku didn�t really erase Inuyasha�s memory. It�s kinda like a PTSD sort of thing-- when people go through really traumatic events, their minds naturally block them out so that they can go about keeping themselves alive without going through the effects that undoubtedly come along with those events.
-Deity - Isn�t it? ^_^! I�m glad people are liking my story so much-- it�s great to hear from all the people who�re reading it, and everytime I come on to update, I�m just �Holy fuck, how the hell did I manage this?�... I am never actually able to come up with an answer...
-Snowfall - Yeah, I kinda liked her too, but I started writing this chapter and I suddenly realised there may be no place for her in the future of my story. She may very well just drop right off the face of the earth for a while before plopping back in suddenly somewhere-- I truly have no idea. This story is out of my hands now. ^_^
-Merinda Watson - Yeah, I know, but I�m glad you and Chibi-Porunga pointed that out. I guess Sesshomaru really doesn�t have any kids... not yet anyway, but we�ll see ^_^
-uzamaki lilliana - Lol, that�s fine, I don�t mind, I hope you�re a bit more awake now, cause it looks like things are about to get interesting. Maybe I�m wrong though, I�ve said it before and I�ll say it again: 98% of the time I don�t know what I�m talking about, and the other 2% I�m asleep. ^_^
- Anony - Well, as I said, i really have no idea what I�m talking about most of the time anyway, but it is still a symbolic holiday to ChristiansEvangelists andor catholics, so... Anyway, no, I have not read �Chances in Like (<-- did you mean �Life?�)� by Sessrocks, but I�ll definitely have to look into it sometime (not now-- I make a point to avoid reading other peoples stories (except challenges) when I�m writing), though I imagine there are plenty of stories floating around similar to mine. It is based on a challenge-- and there has been more than one challenge like this. I think I kind of combined Inuchan puppy�s and miyuki�s (I finally refound that challenge and have all the guidelines to it (though whether or not I decide to follow them from now on is not a sure thing)) so maybe it�s not so much like them all after all. I like to add my own twists to any challenge stories I write just to give me an edge of originality over the other authors.
-Anon2 - Lol, my thoughts exactly.
- A friend of Rumiko - W-ell that may be, but I tend to spell things in whatever way I like. I�m almost certain that �koga� is the appropriate spelling (that�s how it�s listed on the credits and everywhere else) but I like �kouga� better so I go with that. In this case, I like the spelling �Tokijin� better than �Toukijin� and I actually haven�t seen it spelled �Toukijin� very often so I�m gonna have to stick with what�s comfortable. Thanks for the help though. ^_^
-ArchNemesis - I can and I will, because cliffhangers are what keep people coming back for more. And all your questions should be answered soon enough, you�ll just have to wait until my mind decides to spew some more chapters out.
-rebellion2fate - You�ll get your first answer in this chapter, but your second will have to wait a bit longer I think. I can�t be sure if I want to take this story in that direction yet (never actually done Mpreg before (or any preg for that matter) so it should be interesting if I decide to do it now.)
-Ian - Yeah, I read somewhere that it�s a sign in the zodiac, and I�m pretty sure that one of the reviewers confirmed that, but this is an interesting idea too... man, it�s difficult to figure some of these names out, but I don�t think I�ve ever had more trouble than with Sesshomaru, which no one seems to be certain of anyway. ^_^
Okay, that all of you guys?
Well then I guess it�s time for the story:

DISCLAIMER: come ON, don�t tell me you guys still think I own anything! I only own like three of the characters and the story-- I don�t own anything else! I make no money off of this shit and it�s only here for mine and other people�s entertainment.

~*~

Shattering Souls

�It is a defence mechanism.� Takehiko said calmly to the dark-faced Sesshomaru. �Inuyasha�s mind seems to have decided that such a memory would be too dangerous, and, perhaps, traumatising to keep, and thus has blocked it out in order to give Inuyasha the strength he needs to continue surviving.�
�So it would seem.� Sesshomaru said, glancing over at the now sleeping Inuyasha. That tea of the healer�s had held some sort of heavy sedative, and Inuyasha had fallen asleep mere moments after drinking it, startling Sesshomaru to no end, who, despite the fact that he was still contemplating exactly what Inuyasha�s words meant, had become very concerned as to why his brother had so suddenly collapsed.
That, combined with the seeming memory loss, had led Sesshomaru to the conclusion that Inuyasha was very ill indeed, and he had immediately summoned Takehiko, who, after fully comprehending exactly what all the fuss was about, had assured him that no, Inuyasha was not sick, and had proceeded to explain to him as best she could as to exactly why his mate remembered nothing of the violation that had occurred.
�Yes. The fact that no real evidence remains on the hanyou that any but you have touched him only serves to increase his minds ability to block the event out.�
Sesshomaru frowned as he remembered the bath he had given his younger brother, and then he looked at Takehiko. �Will he remember?� He asked in his smooth, cold voice, trying to hide the panic and confusion that was beginning to rise, unbidden, up within him.
�Maybe.� Takehiko said quietly, as though contemplating it as she began mixing and crushing several different herbs in a small bowl. �And then again maybe not. His mind may very well try to lock the memories away forever, saving him from having to face the humiliation and trauma that would come from such an experience. However, doing so will lead to a trauma of a different sort.� Sesshomaru cast her an inquiring gaze, wondering what the healer�s words meant. �He will never be able to remember what happened, and thus will always feel a fear and uncertainty toward certain things that he will never be able to place cause or reason to. His wounds will never be able to heal, but will remain bleeding all over everywhere until he figures out what causes his confusion and fear.� She elaborated, turning her faded blue eyes up to Sesshomaru.
�So what is the answer?� She asked quietly. �Do we leave him to believe nothing wrong has happened, and leave wounds hiding just below the surface that he will continue to pick and tear at until he can make them bleed and reveal themselves again-- perhaps driving himself to insanity with uncertainty, or do we reveal the truth to him, perhaps permanently scaring his heart and sending him to the abyss of insanity anyway?�
Sesshomaru was slightly crestfallen at her words, torn between the two choices: he could either follow the example Inuyasha�s mind had set and cover Inuyasha�s scars with lies and fantasy, keeping them hidden from Inuyasha in an attempt to protect his mate, or he could tell his brother the truth-- pour vinegar and salt over his poorly healer wounds, and hope he would not permanently addle his brother�s mind in doing so.
He looked up at Takehiko and, letting his pride slip away for the moment, asked �what do you think I should do?�
Takehiko frowned at him. �Sesshomaru, I cannot answer that unless you understand completely that you-- and only you-- can make this decision. It is a responsibility you took on by accepting him as your mate.�
Sesshomaru stared hard at her a moment, before giving a small nod, and Takehiko peered at him a moment before turning her attention to some long, rope-like plant in her lap, which she seemed to be in the process of weaving together.
�That is not an easy question for any to answer, Sesshomaru, least of all someone who knows Inuyasha as well as I. However, you claim it is not an answer you seek, but advice, and so that is what I will give you.�
She picked up the plant suddenly and crushed it between her fingers, causing an odour not unlike moss and the damp interior of a cave to fill the room, before placing it in the small bowl to be mixed together with the other herbs.
�If you want to save him in mind-- have him always be like this� and here she gestured at the sleeping Inuyasha �Then the most secure coarse is to lie-- to cheat him of the truth. However� and here she looked back up and locked eyes with him again �If you want to save him in spirit - if you ever hope to have him recover to even a shade of the hanyou he once was-- the hanyou he should be-- then you must tell him the truth.�
Sesshomaru�s brow creased slightly, and he stared over at his unconscious brother, the pain faintly visible in his eyes from his inner turmoil.
�Inuyasha is not weak, you know.� She said, drawing his sharp gaze back to her. �He may have been hurt-- his spirit shattered-- but not so much so that it can�t be put back together. You both have wills to mach the devil�s, and Inuyasha�s spirit has enough fire to rival the deepest circles of hell. Do not underestimate him. He is strong.�
Sesshomaru glared at her coldly. �Even the most powerful have breaking points.� He said, and Takehiko nodded.
Then that is what your decision should be based on. Do you think that what has happened was Inuyasha�s breaking point, or do you believe he was made of more resilient stuff.� She narrowed her eyes slightly. �Do you think he was broken?�
Sesshomaru stared back at her for long moments, unable to come up with an answer.
It seemed he did not have to, because a moment later the very hanyou they were discussing flicked his ears, clearly coming out of the sleep he had been residing in for the last hour or so.
Taking that as her cue, Takehiko placed a tight seal on her bowl and shoved it into Sesshomaru�s hands.
�It is a sleeping drug that will be more effective than the tea. Place it under his nose for a short time and he will be asleep for several hours. Be careful not to inhale it yourself, though. We once had a case where the administrator inhaled it, and they fell asleep. For the next hour or so several people came in to find out what was going on, and they were all knocked out too. It took a long time before anyone realised what was really going on and thought to put on a mask before entering the room. I don�t want that to be the case here.� She warned, rising slowly to her feet just as Inuyasha�s golden eyes cracked open. He blinked, smiling sleepily at Sesshomaru before seeming to notice that they were not alone in the room, and casting a curios and cautious glance at Takehiko.
�Lade Takehiko--� he said, but was cut off as she, her face still a grim mask, said �I take my leave.� Before crossing quickly to the door and exiting the room before Sesshomaru or Inuyasha could respond.
Inuyasha blinked in confusion after the healer before turning a questioning half-smile on Sesshomaru.
�What was that all about?� He asked.
His smile slid right off his face, hitting the floor almost audibly as he caught sight of the look on his brother�s face.
�What�s wrong?� He asked, his panic beginning to rise as an almost pained expression crossed Sesshomaru�s face. Something was terribly wrong. He could feel it.
�Sesshomaru?� He asked quietly, and Sesshomaru�s eyes grimly met his own.
�Inuyasha, there... is something that I must tell you.� Sesshomaru said in an almost tentative manner, his voice suggesting that he was still unsure he wanted to tell Inuyasha this something at all.
The concern in Inuyasha�s eyes was nearly enough to break the youkai, and Sesshomrau looked away, causing Inuyasha even more concern.
�Sesshomaru� Inuyasha said, and, when his brother still refused to look at him, he crawled across the bed and right into Sesshomaru�s lap, shocking the hell out of his brother.
Curling up close, he turned his eyes up to meet Sesshomaru�s, feeling his brother�s arms instinctually come to wrap around him.
�Tell me.� He said quietly, and Sesshomaru blinked down at him before moving so that he could rest his chin on Inuyasha�s head, his brother�s puppy-ears flattening to accommodate him as Inuyasha allowed his brother to hold him in this submissive position.
Sesshomaru wasn�t trying to be dominant. He was trying to be protective-- make Inuyasha feel as safe and wanted as possible. And he also knew that he would not be able to meet Inuyasha�s eyes when he told him this.
Tightening his arms, as though in fear Inuyasha might flee, he took a deep breath and slowly began relaying all that he knew of this nightmare they were trapped in to the hanyou in his arms, hoping against hope that, in the end, it would be alright.

~*~

Glossary

Hanyou - Half-demon

Youkai - Demon

Goshinki - (Not in this chapter) I made a mistake in my last glossary and said that Goshinki was Sesshomaru�s third offspring, even though he�s really Naraku�s. -- What can I say? I was really tired when I wrote that.

~*~
AN: Did they have vinegar back then? o_O
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