Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Enamored	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Kouga/Kagome Views: 13037 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, and I do not make any money from these writings

Chapter List
- 20
- 21
- 22
Enamored
Chapter 21: Recovery Road
Her eyes were blood shot, her heart was pounding and her mouth was like cotton. Sometimes, she would give into the sleepiness and allow her eyelids to close. However, as soon as she would realize her mistake, she would rectify it. Her eyes would flash open, her blood would begin to pump and she would return to a state of awareness. It was getting harder though to not succumb to the deadly sleep that wanted to claim her. But, she knew she had to solider through for him. He had done the same for her - and she could be strong for him.
It was worrisome.
Kouga was strong, he was a youkai. And yet, he had not moved or opened his eye yet. It had been over two nights. Or was it more? The den was dark and honestly she was far too exhausted to keep track of it all. But she was certain it had been at least two nights. The pack members would come in and out of the den to check up on their leader but she would never let go of him. She kept him cradled in her arms. Ginta had forced her to eat once or twice. But really, he had only won that battle because he had told her that Kouga would be worried if she did not eat - and he was right. If it were not for the guilt trip he put her through, she would not have eaten.
She simply wanted him to shift, to move, to exist. She knew he was alive, she could feel his youki, she could feel his heartbeat. But his deep slumber kept him away from her. Sometimes she cried. It would take her a while to realize tears stained her face but she would eventually take notice of it. She had only lost one person in her life and she had no desire to repeat the experience. She could not let him die. If he died, it would be her fault and she would never be able to live with that guilt. If she stayed close enough and if he was given the proper care, he would make it. She found herself wishing he could make it on the other side of the well. Although she could not take him to a hospital, she was certain that her medicine cabinet was better equipped to help him.
If only.
She ran her fingers through his hair, pushing it backwards. He might not be moving but he was sweating - a lot. One of the healers kept bringing her cloths and water and Kagome kept on wiping his face and his arms as best as she could. Sometimes she would leave the rag on his forehead, hoping it would bring down his temperature. She was guessing that he was fighting an infection - one that was coming from his legs. His legs were something she was unable to see at the moment. They were carefully wrapped up in cloths. Though, she could see the blood soaking through them - Naraku had done quite a number on them. Although, they assured her that he would not lose them.
"K-"
A croaking sound shook her awake and she glanced down at the body laying across her.
"Kouga?"
Eyelids were fluttering, lips were shaking but no clear sounds were coming from him.
"Hey, I'm here, you're gonna be okay," she said, trying to re-assure him. She was convinced he could hear her voice breaking as she tried to comfort him.
There was a stinging in his body as he heard her voice as though it was very far away from him. His body was on fire, his legs were killing him and he could feel the lingering from her touch, like a ghostly feeling. His heart was racing and despite how hard he tried, his memory was fuzzy. He wanted to get up and ask her what happened but there was no strength in his body. He could not even will himself to move. Why was he so weak? And why was she so close? Although he was not complaining, he could feel himself basking in her warmth and in her presence. He wanted to touch her more, he wanted to rub himself against her until her scent became part of him.
"Ginta," Kagome tried, as she could not get another word out of Kouga. "Hakkaku!"
If he was talking, it had to be a good sign. It had to mean that whatever they had been doing was working.
Her cries did not fall upon deaf ears; within seconds, the two youkais came in running, their eyes opened wide as they feared the worst.
"He talked," she said as she re-positioned Kouga's head on her lap.
"What did he say?" Ginta asked as he rapidly kneeled by Kouga's side.
"Well -" Okay now she felt slightly idiotic. "He didn't say anything, but he tried to talk." She remembered struggling with talking as well after her accident. Then again, Kouga had not been out as long as she had - but still.
"Hey, boss. You scared us," Ginta said as he tried to search Kouga's face for a sign of response.
"Yeah, you're not one to get your butt kicked," Hakkaku added as he joined Ginta on the ground.
"Plus, you made Sis worry."
"She looks like hell."
Kagome did not feel offended by the comments; she knew they were trying to get a reaction out of Kouga. He was usually so protective of her that they were hoping that some teasing might make him react more.
"I—idiots."
And that was the sound of his voice. Granted, it was very raspy, but it was the sound of his voice nonetheless. Kagome felt a wave of relief wash over her. She raised her head and her eyes made Hakkaku's. "He's gonna be okay?"
"It's okay."
"Yeah, he was always gonna be fine," Ginta chipped in.
To be honest, they had all worried. Kouga was always the strong ones and he never liked it when anyone took care of him. He always said that it was his job to take care of people but now the roles had been reversed. They felt bad. They felt hopeless and they all felt like they had not done enough to help him. It was a useless guilt since they could not have done more. Plus, Kagome had watched over him like a hawk. He could not have asked for a better person to look after him. Still, Kouga sacrificed himself for them over and over again and they wanted to repay the debt. The fact that he was awake meant a lot to the entire pack.
Kagome allowed tears to fall down her cheeks. They had been burning her eyes for a while but in her panic and excitement, she had held them back. There was no longer a reason to do that. Now, she could allow herself to feel. One of her tears fell on top of Kouga's head and she smiled.
He was alive.
-E-
The next few days were a blur for everybody. Kouga was in and out of sleep but he was doing a lot better. Although he had managed to ask a few questions, they had tried to remain vague. Of course, he had noticed about his legs and his own memories were coming back to him. It did nothing to lessen the rage he felt towards Naraku. He had tried to get up and go after the bastard, but Kagome's strong hold on him at kept him down and he had not argued with his woman. Kagome was fierce when it came to his recovery and she did not let him do anything stupid. It was difficult for him to even sit up without her approval. He wanted to test out his legs but she had not let him. Memories of carrying him back all bloody were haunting her and she had no desires to relieve the experience.
To top it all off, she had been weakened by the whole thing. She had barely eaten, she had barely moved and carrying him back had taken a lot of her strength. She had tried to bargain with him. She would eat if he ate. She would take care of herself if he took care of himself. It was cheap but it worked. He wanted her to feel better more than he cared about himself.
Meanwhile, Ginta and Hakkaku were trying to keep the pack running. Kouga wanted to get involved but, they followed Kagome's orders; he had to rest and be kept in the dark about everything. She feared that if he thought something was wrong, he would try to help and he was in no conditions to be doing that. Kagome, unbeknownst to herself, was acting like a true alpha bitch. She was keeping Kouga and the entire pack in line and surprisingly, everyone was listening to her. Even those who were not that thrilled about her being human. She was dedicating herself to Kouga and she had proved herself worthy to those who doubted her commitment to them. Nobody had ever cared about their leader like that.
"One walk."
"No."
"One step."
"No."
"Can I stand up at least?"
"No."
He sighed as he pressed his head back against the wall. He knew his woman was stubborn but he never thought she would be this stubborn. "Kagome, I'm a youkai ya know."
"I know you're a youkai."
"I heal faster."
"I don't care."
"I'm probably fine by now." He loved running, he loved exploring. And now he had spent all of his time laying and sitting and it was about to drive him absolutely mad. He did enjoy all the time he got to spend with Kagome and he would be lying if he said he did not like having her taking care of him but - but he was desperate to stretch his legs. Actually, he wanted to know the damage that had been done. They said he was fine but - he would not be the same. His speed, his power - it would all be gone. And he wanted to feel that loss now - not later on. Except, well, he did not quite have it in him to disobey Kagome. She told him to remain put and he did. Although, it did not mean that he could not ask over and over again.
It was in his nature to want to be dominant.
"Kouga," she finally snapped. "I carried your bloody body back here, and I - " She almost said she could not bear to do it again. And it was the truth. She thought he had died and it almost broke her heart in half. She needed him alive. The future was uncertain but one thing that was not was that he had to live. She cared for him. More than she initially thought. His near death experience showed her that she harboured more feelings for him than she believed. He had not been in her life that long and the thought of losing him transformed her into a complete wreck. She sacrificed her health and sanity to watch over him. "You're not doing that to me again."
And there it was. The familiar feeling of guilt. Somewhere between his restlessness and his need for revenge - that kept growing - he had forgotten the guilt. He thought about the positive things, like having her watch over him. But he did not think of what it did to her. And he should know better. He had been a complete wreck when she was hurt. He barely let anyone get near her and he had felt like it had been his fault. Of course, his beautiful, selfless Kagome carried the guilt of his attack. Although he had to say he was touched by the fact that she was so scared of losing him. She might not love him like he loved her but - she cared for him.
He could live with that.
"Fine," he resigned himself.
She felt the tension leave her shoulders as she leaned back against the cave wall. She did not want to sound bossy and she did not want to take control of his life, but she could not let him do what he had done again. Plus, she knew he was still healing from everything but she knew that it would be dangerous once he would officially be back on his feet. Naraku kept taking from him and she knew that Kouga would not let it slide forever. He might have been able to control himself before but now? Naraku had attacked him on the premises of the den. He was getting too close, and he was getting too bold. The worst part was that Kagome could not do anything to help. She could not defeat Naraku on her own. All she knew how to do was putting the jewel back together.
And even that was a screw up in itself because - well, she was the one who broke it in the first place.
None of this would have happened if she had not shot an arrow through it. None of it this would have happened if she had not brought the jewel back with her from the other side. It was a difficult guilt to let go of - and none of this was helping.
Kouga frowned as he noticed the shift in her aura. She had been relieved before - happy that he was alive. Now, she was gloomy and he could see her sulking, her eyes saddened. Had he done something? He had just agreed to staying put.
"Kagome?"
It took her a moment to register the sound of his voice but when she did, she snapped her head in his direction and offered him a smile.
"Are you alright?"
She nodded. "I just- it's nothing." Stupid. She did not need to make him think about Naraku. He was probably thinking about him enough on his own.
He arched an eyebrow. "If my woman is sad, it ain't nothing."
"Don't do anything stupid okay?"
Stupid had to be defined. Going after her - it might have been stupid. Proclaiming her his woman in front of everyone and getting slapped for it? In retrospective, it might have been stupid as well. Then again, in the end, he got her regardless. But he had a feeling that was not the kind of stupid things she was talking about. Naraku. She was the one who stopped him from going after him to get his vengeance. She was right - it would have been pointless. And despite his rage, he was well aware that it would not have stopped the events that occurred. He would have probably died if he had gone after him. Even now, he was lucky that his legs got wrecked and that he lived. Although he wished he could have gone down fighting.
But he could not do that to Kagome.
"I'll have to kill him."
"I know." But he was not the only one. A lot of people wanted to kill Naraku. He had ruined so many lives, he had taken so much from everybody. "Just not now." She could not control him, she could not make decisions for him but she could ask him to be responsible. She could ask him to live because she did not want to lose him.
"I ain't gonna die." Although he felt pride because she wanted him to live, she wanted him by her side but he did not want her to be sick over him. He had live his life putting himself on the line for his pack. He did not care if something happened to him as long as his pack was fine. Now, he was not by himself anymore. He could not get himself killed. Kagome needed him and he had to live for her. It was a new feeling, a new responsibility. One he wanted and one he asked for, but nonetheless.
"I can take him."
She did not want to shatter his pride and she did not want to imply that he was weak but she did not think he knew just how powerful Naraku was. Or maybe he was blinded by his rage and his need for revenge. But it was that kind of thinking that would get him killed. He would think it was enough and then, Naraku would use his weaknesses and exploit them. It was then that she realized something; she could not leave him alone. If she let him be here by himself - he would eventually go after Naraku. It seemed that when she spoke he listened. If she was not there to talk some reason into him - he might go after him. He was promising her that he would not die but it was not a promise that he could make.
Naraku had just proven that.
If he were to be left by himself, he would let his need to revenge consume him. He would let the darkness in and it would take a hold of him. She figured it was something Naraku was counting on. Kagome had always traveled with Inuyasha. He did not know everything about them. He assumed she would go back. And she would - well, she would at least go back to jewel hunting. If he destroyed Kouga enough - he would die. For Naraku it was not about killing people and just taking their lives. It was about corrupting them, about changing their hearts and their souls and destroying who they used to be. He thought that if he chipped away at people, taking what they held dears, he could let the darkness into their hearts.
She did not want that to become a reality.
Sango had pulled through that darkness and she knew that other people could. They simply needed help.
She could not let Naraku corrupt the whole world - and she could not let him do this to people. He could not kill and take as he pleased. He was not a god.
And now she had to have him by her side. She had to combine traveling the world and keeping Kouga by her side. She would have to ask him to come with her. But first of all, he had to heal - and she had to properly get back on her feet. Of course, he would probably heal before she did. But nonetheless.
"Just - promise you'll wait."
She could help him. She could get stronger and she could help him. Kouga wanted him dead and so did Miroku and Sango. All of them together could do it. There had to be a way to fix it and to make it better. Inuyasha could help as well if he wanted but he had to accept Kouga's presence. She knew that Naraku screwed up Inuyasha's life as well and he was responsible for Kikyo's death. If he also wanted revenge, he could take it. But - but it could not be like it was before. She could not feel for him like she felt before. She had to put a barrier between the two of them. They could probably be friends down the line, but it could not be more than that. Her love for Inuyasha was not good for her.
"Hey," Kouga said as he grabbed her chin. He tilted her head in his direction. "I ain't gonna die, Kagome."
She nodded.
She never thought she would want him to live this much.
-E-
"Get off me."
"But Kouga…"
"I said get off me."
"Kouga…"
"If any of you put their claws on me…"
There was a deep growl echoing through the vicinity as he bore his teeth at his pack members. Apparently, they were listening more to Kagome than they were listening to him. She had told them that Kouga was not to roam by himself - even in the den. Kouga had decided that while Kagome slept, he should try out his legs. He could not remove the bandages since Kagome would find out, so he had to walk with those annoying things wrapped around his legs. So far, he had helped himself up using the wall, and then, he had used it to make it out of the cave. He had been about to take his first step out when Ginta and Hakkaku had come running and had crowded him. Seriously, where was the loyalty?
"I'm a fucking youkai," he pointed out with narrowed eyes. "I heal."
"Yea, but Kagome said -"
"And I said I could do it."
"Sis is scary."
That she was. She was probably the scariest human any of them had met. Kagome knew no limitations and she fought for what she believed.
"I can walk."
"Sis said no."
He threw his head backwards in aggravation. "I - Fuck." She was sleeping! If everybody kept their mouth shut, nobody would know. Kagome would not find out and what she did not know would not hurt her. Why were they trying to make him guilty? Why were they trying to limit him? He did not want to disappoint Kagome but he was fucking frustrated. How was he going to protect her if he could not walk? If Naraku went after his pack and his legs - Kagome could be next. After all the time she had spent in the den, he might realize how important she was to him and Naraku seemed convinced that he needed to take everything away from him. How could he know if Kagome was next or not?
"I have to protect her."
"Sis is fine here."
"Is she? Because I was attacked here," he pointed out as he gestured to his legs. "If he comes and I can't protect her…"
If Kagome died on his watch, he would never forgive himself. If he was the one to put her in danger, he would hate himself. If she got a scratch while she was with him, he would hate himself forever. "I gotta get back in shape, I have to." At this point he was almost pleading.
"I can take care of myself."
The sound of her voice made him stiffen. How had he not heard her coming his way? He used to wall to turn around and he was forced to face her. She had her arms crossed in front of her chest, a serious look on her face. She was not happy. "I know."
"I don't need you to take care of me." Alright, he had taken care of her when she was injured and she appreciated it but she did not need him to injure himself over her. She was better now and she could handle it if something came her way. He was the one who needed to take it easy. "You need to take care of you."
"I can do both." His words came out drier than he meant. He did not want his aptitudes to be undermined. He could take care of her and himself and he did not want her to underestimate him. It was what Naraku was doing. He could only take so much from him before it was too much. He could take him down - he knew he could. He just had to get ready.
Kagome sighed. "You wanna walk?"
He nodded.
"Sit down."
She was giving up. If he was going to do it, he might as well do it in a safer way. And that included looking at his legs first. He was still using the wall to steady himself and she feared what they would find under the bandages. "Come on," she said as she gestured at the ground.
Kouga plopped himself down in one swift motion and Kagome kneeled by his side. She gently stretched his legs out and then sighed heavily as she grabbed the edge of the bandage. She slowly began to unwrap his legs, focusing on not looking away from his wounds. As soon as she peeled away the white bandages, she could see his tan skin. Except, she could not see only that. There were lines of purple covering his skin. Naraku's poison. Her hands began to shake as she completely uncovered them. She did not have to look up to know that Kouga was looking at the same thing as she was. She swallowed hard. He did not seem to be in pain. Perhaps he was - perhaps he was fine. Maybe it was the left overs.
She felt tears sting her eyes. She did not know enough about Naraku's poison to make any assumptions about it.
"I-"
"It's fine," Kouga finally said.
His blood was boiling and he could feel his rage flare up. These were not his legs. These were not the legs that had sped him through the world. They were broken. No wonder he could not find any stability. But he could not let it stop him. He would not let Naraku win and take his legs away from him. "It'll be fine," he repeated as he gripped the cave wall nearby. He was going to walk and he was going to make it.
He could feel everybody's eyes on him but he did not look at him. Kagome was dying to help him - or maybe stop him - but she could not bring herself to do that to him. She could see the pain in his eyes and there was no way for her to take it away. Kouga gripped the wall until he was standing tall. He let out a breath of air and then, took his first step. His finger were still brushing against the wall, barely helping him. His legs were shaking like he had no control over them but he pushed all of that aside. He closed his eyes and began walking, slowly tearing his fingertips away from the wall.
He managed to take a few steps, but it was slow and it was painful. He could feel shocks of pain going through his legs, the whole thing jolting through his nervous system. He was biting down on his own bottom lip, trying to not let the pain show. He exhaled loudly, those few steps taking all of the energy he had left. After five steps, he was forced to stop. He could hold himself up but he could no longer move. It was okay, he was going to be okay. He could not even sit up a few days ago and now he could sort of walk. This was okay, it would be okay.
He was going to be just fine.
He could feel a tremble rocking through his body and he feared his facade might drop. But he could not let that happen. He could not let the weakness and the pain win.
And then he felt it. A small, soft and warm hand on his forearm. It was Kagome's. She was gripping at him, not to hold him up but to comfort him. "Kouga…"
"I'm fine."
"You know what? I'm hungry," Ginta said as he scratched the back of his head. "How about we eat? We should eat."
The tension could be felt throughout the whole den. He did not like his when their alpha was down or when he was upset. There was nothing he could do to fix his legs but he could do something to distract him. "They guys got a boar, we could eat that. Cook some for sis."
Kagome could see what he was so desperately trying to do. She also wanted to lessen the desperation that was coming from him. "I could eat," she said with a smile.
Kouga nodded but all he could see was the distant between himself and the camp fire burning in the middle of the den area. Except before he could decide on what to do, Kagome wrapped her arm around his, lifting away from of his weight. She could not take on much, but she could do something. She was already steadier than he was and if she could offer a little support, she was sure that he could make it.
And he began walking. One small step at a time with Kagome by his side.
If she was here, he could live through this.
He focused on her, her hair and her scent as they walked. He did not want to know if anybody was looking at him. He wanted her to be his entire world and he wanted to know nothing else. It took a while, and he knew it was his fault, but they eventually reached the fire. The pack members moved to give him some room. Kagome immediately noticed that they were relieved to see him out and about. Maybe she had been to protective of him when she kept him in the little cave. Maybe the others needed to see that their leader was healing and doing better. It was not much but it was something - and he was improving much faster than she had.
Already the food was beginning to pass around. Of course, Kagome's meal was cooking. It did not matter how long she had been there; she still preferred her food to be cooked. She did not think that she would ever enjoy bloody, raw meat.
Someone passed her a chunk of meat and she knew who it was for. Unconsciously, without thinking, she began shredding it. It was something he had done for her many times. It only felt natural to do the same. Once it was shredded she handed it to him. He arched an eyebrow as he took it from her.
Was she actually feeding him? Was she taking care of him as a mate?
It was hard to stop the smile from beaming on his face. In all of the darkness, she was his light. He did not think twice about it as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to the top of her head. He let her scent wrap around his nostrils and he closed his eyes to let himself bask in her warmth. She was all that he needed. And now? Now he was crippled. He was acting confident, he kept thinking that he would be fine but what if he was not? He already learned that Kagome was from another time - a time where he might not be able to follow her. On top of that, now, he might not even be able to follow her in this time. What if he could not walk? Kagome would not stay here forever. Even if she had feelings for him.
She would eventually leave and - and he would be left behind.
Maybe it was how Naraku was going to take her away from him; by grounding him in his own den.
He could not ask her to stay and he never would. If he tried to keep her, he might lose her. But if he could not go with her, he would lose her as well. He could not win in this situation. He could only lose. He sighed heavily before pressing another kiss to her head. He let his lips slid down and he pressed another kiss to her ear. He wanted to kiss her, he wanted to show her how much he loved her but he could not. Especially not in front of people; he would make her uncomfortable. Still, he enjoyed the feel of her skin on his lips, sinking in that moment of joy.
"I don't want ya to go," he boldly admitted.
He knew what situation he was putting her in - but he would not force her to stay. He only wanted her to know before it was too late.
Kagome could feel the shivers spreading through her skin as he put his lips on her. He could arise quit a reaction out of her. She leaned into him and closed her eyes.
She did not want to go.
And yet she knew that at some point, the rest of the world would need her. And she would have to go back.
And she did not know how - and if it was going to be with or without him.
When did her life become this difficult?
-E-
- 20
- 21
- 22
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