Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Enamored	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Kouga/Kagome Views: 13037 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, and I do not make any money from these writings

Chapter List
- 21
- 22
- 23
Chapter 22: Prideful Wolf
The days passed and Kouga stubbornness refused to die down. He would take a small walk each day - while Kagome groaned and complained the whole time and then, she would re-bandage his legs. She complained the entire time she re-did them but it never stopped him from going out there. Her miko powers had done the maximum they could - there was not much else she could do. The scars on his legs would not disappear. She had watched carefully and it did not seem as though poison was spreading - it was simply the mark left behind by Naraku's hand. A constant reminder that Kouga would have to carry with him each day of his life.
A life he would life fully.
A life that would not be cut short.
Kagome would make sure of that.
She had resigned herself. Her life would be complicated; there was no other way around it. Kouga was too reckless to be left alone, and she had to right the wrongs she had created by shattering the jewel. She knew he had a pack, people to look over, but she needed him to be collected and calm. She would have to keep an eye on him. Of course, she had not at all plan the logistic of this idea. She also did not know how she would force him to tag along. Eventually he would be well and he would be able to walk. But, it did not mean he wanted to go shard hunting with her and the group. She knew how he felt towards her - that was no secret - but it did not mean he wanted to follow her plan for revenge. Maybe he wanted to stick with his own.
Even though his plan was a sure way to achieve death.
She had made him promise time over time but… grief… it was something powerful. Something that might make him forget the promises he made to her.
"I can make it to the den."
"You were kinda wobbling earlier."
"I don't wobble."
"What do you call crashing into Ginta?"
And then there was a growl.
And then Kagome laughed.
It was the same thing every time. The guys would poke fun at Kouga and his pride would get the best of him. She knew it was all done with good intentions and at least it distracted Kouga from his pain. Plus it allowed her to be distracted from all the issues bouncing around in her head.
Once the sound of her laughter echoed through the room, Kouga focused all of his attention on her. Any sound of happiness coming from her captivated him. He was a useless alpha, and he had been useless at protecting her. His only lifeline was her. He was holding on, he was making it through each day because she had expressed that she would be deeply hurt if something were to happen to him. So, he was stubbornly going through each day because she had asked him to - that and because he needed revenge on that fucking bastard. But focusing on her was much more positive. So he was going to hold on to that for now. He always thought that he could give Kagome everything that she wanted and more. It turned out that it was more difficult than he had initially planned.
But she was here.
And that was more than he ever hoped for in his life. He needed to remind himself of that luck, that gift that was her presence.
"Walking went well?"
She tried not to linger on the topic too much - sometimes it got him down.
"If you call that walking," he scoffed as he plopped down beside her.
His legs were killing him. They were pulsing, they were numb - it was everything at once. Ever since that damn monster ripped the shards out of his legs, the appendages no longer felt like they belonged to him. Gone was the speed, gone was the wind in his hair. He remembered back when he did not have the shards - but this was different. He did not even think he could get his regular speed back. At best, he might be able to slowly job beside Kagome but all his goals of speeding his way through everything were gone and shattered. At the moment, even walking felt like a distant dream.
"It's better than my walking," she offered as she scooted closer to him.
It was awkward; she still did not know how to comfort him. Especially when other people were around, watching and observing their every move. She was not that at ease with whatever they had going on. Perhaps it was best if she did not try to label it. Whatever they had, they had. For the moment, it was enough. There was a veil of imaginary and lies that she found comforting and she wanted to keep it going. Future Kagome could deal with the problems to come. Present Kagome was going to live in the moment and stop asking herself so many questions. It would only lead to more pain and neither of them could handle more pain right now.
Meanwhile, Kouga's mind was going in a completely different direction. He did not want to ignore the problems at hand, he did not want to live in the moment. He wanted her; all of her. He wanted to lean in, he wanted to feel her skin against his. He wanted to press his lips to her soft flesh and feel the warmth eradicating from her. He needed her touch to keep himself sane and yet, he could tell that the guys' presence was making her uneasy when it came to physical contact. Or that might just be the lie he told himself to try to ignore the harsh reality. Did it matter?
"Why don't you two get some food?"
He could eat - his body was healing. And she certainly could eat. She had lost weight under his watch and it hardly mattered to him that it was because she had been injured. He could not have his woman looking like he was not taking care of her. He had to show that he could get one thing right.
"Yes boss."
"Right away boss."
"Wouldn't wanna crowd you two…" Of course the last answer was subtly whispered as they walked away. However, their snickering was hard to miss.
Idiots.
"Want me to change your bandages?"
"Nah, they're fine for now," Kouga said as he finally allowed himself to stretch out as he laid across from her. He closed his eyes but he reached out for her nonetheless. He did not have to see to find her hand, and once he did, he intertwined their fingers together. He would take what he could get. Even if that meant her looking at him with pity in her eyes. When his eyes were closed, it was easier to ignore the scent of pity that was rolling off of her. He wished he smelled something else on her. He wished he could inspire love and confidence in her heart.
A long sigh passed her lips before she resigned herself. She kept their fingers joined as she laid by his side, leaving nothing but a small gap between their two bodies. He was warm. He was always warm. Sometimes she was worn between what she wanted to do and what she should do. Snuggling up to him would send a signal, one that she was not completely convinced she wanted to send. But, deep inside, she wanted the feel of his warm skin against hers, the comfort that was provided every time they were near each other. Slowly, she inched closer to him, the gap finally disappearing.
But Kagome was lucky because she did not have to make any kind of decisions. Instead, Kouga took action. He let go of her hand, and he rapidly wrapped an arm around her shoulder, forcing her to hide her face in the crook of his neck, his scent overwhelming her nostrils. He let his own head rest on the top of hers while dark strands of her tickled his skin. This was life. This was how he wanted to be for the rest of his life. Him and Kagome, in their den, while words were not necessary. He lost almost everything and now he wanted nothing more than to hold on to her. Of course, the memories he had of her body and her scent and taste did not help him escape the fantasy.
He let himself go further as he pressed a kiss to her head.
His heart rate picked up, and he could feel words forming in his throat. He did not want to be desperate. He did not want to chain her down. He wanted her to be with him because she wanted that as well. He did not want any dark forces, any bad feelings to chain her down to him. He wanted her here out of her own free will. That meant he had to let her make her own choices. He already brought up the issue once. He should not do it again. He should consider himself lucky that she was still here right now.
But, sometimes, when it came to Kagome… he was selfish.
"Stay here."
The words were nothing more than a mere whisper. If he had not been so close to her, she might not have heard them.
But she did.
"Kouga… I…"
Most of the answer had nothing to do with him. She had responsibilities, she had a duty to finish collecting the jewel shards. No matter how she felt, she would have to leave at some point. Of course, she knew thought it would be this difficult to walk away. A friendship. She had seen that coming. He had shown her another side of himself with the birds of paradise and though she had no intention of dating him, she had spared him. And now? Now this happened and he took care of her and now… now she was returning the favor. But it could not go on forever. At some point she would have to return to her life - both of them. Of course, she was not about to leave him now, but considering his current state, she refused to let him on.
And the last time they had a conversation about the future. He did accept it but he seemed less than pleased with it.
"I have to find the shards." She sounded like a broken record. Always giving him the same answer.
But the situation was urgent. Especially since Naraku had managed to get his hands on two more shards. And he tainted them. Of course, she was not going to bring that topic up. It was bad enough that she was talking about shards while Kouga's legs were still wrapped up in bandages. It was bad enough that she had to throw in his face again that she had to find the shards. They kept having the same conversation over and over again.
Her hunt. A hunt he could not help her with because at the moment he was but half the youkai he used to be. Rage swirled inside his chest and he found himself mad. Mad at life, mad at himself. He should be able to protect her, he should be able to lead her pack and help her complete her mission. But then again, she was not from here. Would she leave? Once she completed the jewel, would she be gone from his life forever? She said he never made it to her time. Where she came from, he did not exist. He could not follow her forever.
And he never wanted her to leave. But that was selfish.
"I'll help ya. I told ya"
"What?"
"Gimme some time, and I'll help."
Looking for the jewel shards did not mean only traveling with Miroku and Sango. It also included Inuyasha. Even if she did not want him present, he would chase those jewel shards. He wanted them for himself, he wanted them for Kikyo. A constant confrontation between Inuyasha and Kouga would be quite counter productive when it came to completely the jewel. But, she knew they were both stubborn and neither could be stopped. Plus, she would be lying to herself if she said that she hated the idea of Kouga traveling with them.
Except unlike all of them, he had a family, he had a pack. They were all alone except him. They had this conversation before. He had people who counted on him, who needed him… especially after the loss that they suffered. She could not possibly rip their leader away from them and pretend it was okay when it was not. They needed him - probably more than she would ever need him. And yet, despite his loyalty to his pack, despite who he was as a person, if she asked him to come with her, he would. And it was exactly why it terrified her to ask. She did not want to take him away from his pack. She did not want to be the person who broke their dynamic and their pack. She could not. Especially when she was so unsure about her feelings.
It was not fair.
"I told you, Kouga. They need you here."
He knew that. He knew his pack needed him. But… even now he was no good to them. He let Naraku take away half of them. So did they need him or were they better off without him? He could barely act as a leader and the pack was functioning just fine. Maybe he had been fooling himself when he thought he could lead this pack and protect it. He could not even protect a human girl. How could he look after an entire pack?
"They are better off without me."
These words broke her heart. When she met Kouga he was a confident bastard who believed he could do and take anything. That was not the man laying beside her. He was someone else. Where had his confidence gone? Where had the Kouga she knew gone? She could not let him think like this and she could not let him slip into this depression. She had to pull him out like he had rescued her previously. It was not fair.
She pulled her hand away from him and then lifted herself until she was resting upon her knees. She leaned forward, finding balance by using one hand to hold the wall and with the other she reached for his face. Gently, she cupped his cheek. "Kouga, they need you." Her voice was breaking while tears filled her eyes. "No one could have stopped what happened. Nobody resents you. They even need you more than ever." He was the light they had left. They relied on him for security and to obtain comfort that one day, things would be right again. "They are worried about you. All of them."
He wanted to look away, shame swelling within him but he found that he could not. He was hypnotized by her eyes. He did not care what the others thought. He knew the truth. He had been a useless leader who had failed everyone. But this was what he loved so much about her. She was overflowing with kindness. Something in her soul was pushing her to help all those around her, even had the cost of her life. She was a precious gem that needed to be protected. He would lay his life down for her. He would do anything to wake up each day and stare into those eyes.
"I failed them," he finally answered.
He had not failed anyone. Naraku was simply a monster that snaked his way into people's hearts and into their lives. He only had one goal; to destroy them from the inside. But she would not let him win with Kouga. He had already taken too many lives. She shifted her position, trying to grab his face with both hands. Unfortunately, all that did was cause her to land on his laps, her face extremely near his. She could feel his warm breath against the tip of her nose as their eyes met. She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks but she ignored it. She was not there for that.
"You did not fail anyone. You have helped everyone. You even helped me. And you didn't have to do it."
He scoffed. There was no way she remained this oblivious after all this time. He knew he felt more for her than she felt for him but it was impossible that she could not see all the love he held in his heart for her. "Kagome, I'd die for you." He let his head lean forward until his nose was pressing against hers. "I had to. When it comes to ya, my whole body - it screams for you. It's in my instinct. You're mine to protect."
She would be lying if she said that his words did not cause her heart to race. He was so blunt, so honest about his love for her that she never knew how to handle it. Inuyasha had always hidden his feelings, he had always pushed her away. The only times he showed how much he cared was through actions that could be misinterpreted. But Kouga? Kouga screamed his love for her from the top of a mountain. And even now. He was an inch away from her face and he had no shame in telling her how much he loved her. It was overwhelming, it was… more than she could handle. She was never sure she could even love the way he loved her. It was one of her biggest fears; hurting him, disappointing him. She did not know if she could love like that.
"You're always gonna be mine. I'm always gonna help ya."
It would be so easy to kiss her. She was looking at him with shiny bright eyes, tears coating the iris. The sound of her pounding heart was the only thing he could hear and he could feel the warmth spreading across her skin. She was responsive to his words. And yet, she remained reluctant. But he wanted her. Not just physically. He wanted all of her. She was the only thing he felt he could hold on to - as long as he could see her, everything would be fine. It was the lie he kept telling himself over and over again. At some point, it would have to start sounding like the truth, would it not?
"K-kouga," his name past her lips like shattered word. What could she reply to that?
He kept his eyes wide opened, staring into hers as though he was trying to steal her soul. While maintaining eye contact, he leaned in even more until his lips were on hers. He captured her top lip with his, letting his warm spread to her. She inhaled deeply, her chest rising and her back arching as she let his sweet lips move against hers. His hands snaked around her waist until one of his palms rested on the small of her back. He had felt like he had lost all of his mascunility with his accident, he felt like he was not even a demon, or not even a human man. He felt like he was nothing. But when she was there, her legs on both side of his, her chest against his, her soft breasts showing themselves every time she breathed, he felt like he was himself again. She had all the power over him and he would let her have it all.
She did not fight against him, instead she molded her body to his. As his own touch was soft against her flesh, it was not hard to let her own hands slip around. She gripped at his shoulders, holding on to him as though he was her lifeline. Her dull fingernails dug into his skin and he could only imagine what she could do if she had claws. A shiver ran down his spine while he let his hand rise up, following her spin. His actions caused goosebumps to form on her skin and he smirked against her lips. She always reacted to him. He did not know how lucky he could get with this but as her tiny hands slid down the front of his chest, he knew she was not about to stop him just yet. Maybe he could get a taste of her again.
The scent of arousal was thick in the air and it was a mixture of both their scents. It was divine. It was spinning in his head and it was enough to make him forget the dull pain in his legs. He was whole, he was feeling alive. Once he finally pulled away from her lips, she looked in a daze. Disheveled hair, swollen lips and a glimmer of saliva coating her pink mouth. She was breathtaking. He swallowed hard, hoping to keep his composure as he moved his lips to her neck. Immediately, she tilted her head backward, offering him all the access that he oh so desired. She was not even putting up a fight. The alpha inside of him was roaring at the display of submission she did not even know she was giving. How could she be so reticent, and yet offer herself to his touch?
He wanted to take and drink until she would stop him.
He would taste every inch of her flesh until she denied him the privilege of laying his hands on her.
And he hoped that he would never reach that stopping point.
Her skin was scorching like fire, his touch leaving a trail of burning flames behind. He touched her like this once, and she let him get far. A blush decorated her cheeks at the memory - and there was also a spark in her arousal. His tongue swirling inside of her core, lapping at her like she was the nectar of life. She felt a dampness spread between her legs as her hands slid down his chest. Memories of previous moments together flooded her mind and it was impossible to control the redness and the shame that being swelling inside of her and that reflected upon her pale skin. He always knew what to say, he always knew what to do. Meanwhile, she was going in blindly. She was not even sure of what her heart wanted.
But she did say she would try.
Meanwhile he never stopped leaving a trail of his lips upon her body. He had found his mouth dangerously close to the opening of her kimono but he did not stop. He felt the rush of adrenaline, the thrill of being alive. Every time he kissed her, every time her scent spiked, he was a new man. He wanted it all. He dared to push down on her kimono with his chin, allowing him to pepper kisses between her luscious breasts. He held back a growl as she arched her back even more, shoving the clothed perky breasts in his face. There was still no indication that she wanted him to stop. He raised his hands to the two mounds and gently began massaging them, while she took in a sharp inhale of air.
She never knew. She never knew when to stop, when to push him away… it was more difficult than it appeared. She enjoyed it every time he put his hands on her. But was it right? He was slowly discovering everything about her body, he was slowly becoming the one to take away all of her firsts. And she was letting him do it all. Her fingers gripped at his skin, nails digging into the flesh and he growled again. There was something about his growl that sent tingles through her body. How could they have gone from strangers to this? And how was she okay with it all?
The sleeves of her kimono started to fall down her shoulders, revealing the bare skin and offering more of her breasts to his sight. And he took it all in. It took a mere shrug of her shoulders for the whole thing to collapsed. And no time was wasted. Before she could even take an inhale of air, his lips were latching around her nipple, sucking and nibbling. The element of surprise was perhaps his best friend. He wanted for her to perhaps push him away, or stop him, but instead her back arched more. She offered more than he could take, and he used one hand to hold her up while the other one was palming at her stomach, mindful of her injury. They were both broken, but it worked.
Blunt nails were digging into his flesh, actually managing to break it as she tried to hold back the sounds bubbling in her throat. There were many pairs of ears outside. She was trying to keep this little activity out of hearing range. Of course, with the way his tongue was wrapping around her nipple, it was getting harder. A small moan did escape her, which caused Kouga to groan. He loved being the one who made her feel like this. Although at the moment he wanted to curse his useless legs. He wanted to lay her down flat on her back, nestle himself between her long legs… But he was not sure his legs could handle the position. Could he not suffer? He did not mind being in pain if it meant he could be tangled up in her.
He lowered his hand, regretfully releasing her breasts from his caresses. Then, he gripped her waist as tightly as possible, using whatever strength he had to lever her. He distracted her by bringing his mouth up back to her neck. His sweet lips managed to distract her enough for her not to notice that he was attempting to shift their positions. Of course, it the past he would have been a lot smoother about it. He would have flipped her around before she even knew what was happening. Now, it was - more obvious. As he grunted while trying to push her down, she finally took notice of what he was attempting to do.
"K-kouga?"
He did not want her to talk. He did not want this fantasy to be ruined. He wanted to be a strong man, one who could protect her. But how could he do that when he could not even lift her up? Rage swirled in his chest as he disregarded her question, and still tried to lay her down.
"Kouga?"
Her breathing was still harsh, her mind dizzy from his ministrations. But, she was focused enough to notice that something was wrong.
He had done it, he had ruined the moment.
"Please," he ended up saying. It was unmanly, it was weak.
She arched an eyebrow. Why was he pleading with her? She was simply concerned and wondering what he was attempting to do.
"I wanna still be me."
Kagome remained unsure of what he was trying to do, but the desperation shining in his eyes was tugging at her heartstrings. Whatever it was he needed, she could let him have it. She brushed off her confusion and offered him a weak nod.
He knew this was no longer heading in the direction he had original hoped for but - but he still wanted to do it. He still wanted to let her down and nestle himself between her legs. Even if it was for nothing more than a moment. His ego and pride were demanding it. And so, he gathered all the strength that he could, pushing his legs to the maximum, and with a heavy grunt, he managed to somewhat smoothly lay her down on the brown furs. Her hair was sprawled around her head, like a halo, as he positioned himself as he wished. She provided no resistance as he pushed her legs apart, his ever growing erection threatening to poke at her core. His embarrassment did nothing to die down his excitement.
Her throat was clammed up, her mouth felt like cotton as she kept breathing through open lips. She could not confirm what he was doing, but he was focused, determined, and she could not interrupt him. His legs were warm as he settled himself between her legs, and she nearly forgot about the bandages that hid the damage done by Naraku. Almost. Once he seemed comfortable, he laid his on her bare chest and she felt his breathing steady. Immediately, she raised her hands and began gently running her fingers through his long locks. Every time they were near, it was like a rollercoaster. And she could not believe she was comfortable having him lay on her like this. And yet it was - it was different. He was seeking her warmth, her comfort. He was holding on to her as though she was about to disappear.
Kouga had not wanted things to end up like this. He wanted to be tasting her flesh until she was finally his forever. But, he had broken the mood. His weaknesses had gotten between the two of them and all he could do now was hold her. Maybe if he held on long enough, he would be able to keep her near him forever. What a foolish fool he was.
"I'm sorry," he croaked out.
She frowned. "Why are you sorry?"
"You're beautiful," he breathed against her skin.
Not quite the answer she was expecting. "Kouga, what's wrong?"
He was holding her back - just like he was holding back everyone else. He could not even be man enough to provide her with the pleasures that she deserved. She was an angel, she was like the sun. And he was in her way. He shifted his position, however, that caused his engorged cock to press against her wet core. Automatically she arched beneath him and he felt like cursing. He could be there, hidden in her depths - if it were not for his fucking legs and for fucking Naraku.
If she blushed any further, she was certain the shade of red would never leave her cheeks. And yet, a fire was ignited in her loins. He felt hard, stiff and long pressed against her. His mouth had already shown her the pleasure that he could give her and her mind was wondering just how good this could be. Oh god, she had lost it. She had lost her mind. She thought about doing that?
There was a growl in his chest when her arousal spiked. He could still do it; he could still make her wet. There was a part of him, mostly his instincts, screaming at him to prove he could still be dominant, that he could still provide for her. She had let him do it once… could he do it again? He had to - he needed it. He needed to prove that he could still be everything. He could not let this stop him. He put his lips to her bare skin, slowly working his way to her stomach. Shivers traveled through her body as he got lower and lower. Her hands were making a mess of his hair but neither of them cared. Instead, it encouraged him to go further; if she wanted him to stop, she would have stopped him by now.
Once he was near his prize, he had no choice, he had to tug on the fabric of her kimono. First, he stretched his legs behind him, finally giving them the rest they had been begging for since he shifted their position. Once he was set, he made her gaze. They were glistening while she was panting through parted lips. But she was silent, she was just watching him. He licked his lips, hoping it would warm them up a bit, and then he dove in. His entire tongue snaked into her wet cavern and he began lapping; she was already dripping. He growled against her, his fang threatening to poke at the sensitive folds near his face.
Kagome's body buckled and she realized that even if she wanted to say something, she could not find her voice. She tugged at his hair while wordless words past her mouth. She - she did not know what she wanted. This was not supposed to be about her; it was supposed to be about him. She wanted him to feel better, to believe in himself. He had lost his cockiness, the confidence that made him Kouga.
Then again, as he was delving his tongue deep in her most private parts, she realized that perhaps that Kouga was not gone. That maybe he needed this as much as she wanted it.
She always fought, she always feared - she overthought all the time.
For once, she relinquished the reigns, and she let herself feel.
-E-
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