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And You, My Brother	By : Arianawray Category: InuYasha > Yaoi - Male/Male > InuYasha/Sessh?maru > InuYasha/Sessh?maru Views: 15027 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters, and I do not make any money from these writings.

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Chapter XXIII: After him I love
Sesshomaru had started out with the noblest of intentions. He would stay physically away from Inuyasha so he wouldn't be tempted to do anything that would be less than good for his brother, and this would also give Inuyasha the time and space to be sure that he wasn't confusing desire with either gratitude or sympathy.
He would remain far away enough not to be seen or easily reached, but close enough to protect him, because from the second he had saved him from Kinrin, he had been gripped by a powerful urge to never let the boy out of his sight again. Only with some effort had his brain convinced his primal instincts that never letting someone out of sight was highly impractical and would eventually drive them both berserk; he had thus compromised by deciding that he would keep him close enough to reach in seconds if any danger arose that he couldn't handle alone.
Calmness and sense reigned while Inuyasha stayed put in the village following his brief visit to him in the forest during the new moon, but things went a bit funny from the moment he took off to slay the man-eating demon.
First Ryuhi had dropped in, spouting wisdom that was all very fine (and yes, that two-faced, two-headed beast talking out of his two mouths was still in a lot of trouble!); but there were things the old fellow didn't know about the situation, so he refused to take his advice for now.
Ryuhi couldn't conceivably know, for instance, about the fierce internal battle Sesshomaru had fought on the night of the new moon when Inuyasha had crossed the village boundaries to look for him – he couldn't know how he had struggled to control himself when that irresistible creature had nibbled his face, how much willpower it took not to grab him, rip his clothes off him and do to him everything his instincts had been crying out to do for a month. In his human form, unaccompanied by his friends, Inuaysha would not have been able to defend himself in any way at all if he had changed his mind and wanted Sesshomaru to stop – he might not have stopped once he began.
Ryuhi couldn't know that Sesshomaru despised the fact that he understood Kinrin's behaviour better than he would ever admit to anyone. His demon soul, steeped to its core in inborn violence and possessiveness, grasped all too well why the lizard-dragon had wanted to keep a creature as beautiful as Inuyasha subjugated and chained to him like a toy. He comprehended it well, and had had to fight the instinct in himself to do the same, succeeding in controlling his urges only because a stronger, better part of his soul had learnt to love Inuyasha and treasure his freedom.
He had torn Kinrin apart as a beast would eviscerate any rival for its mate, but once that was done, he'd had to sheathe those ferocious drives along with his sword, and yield to his nobler nature before he trusted himself to look into Inuyasha's eyes.
The old dragon couldn't know either that even before he engaged Kinrin in battle, when he saw his brother straddled by the bastard in his den, the sight had unleashed the animal-demon in him, which quarrelled with his warm feeling of relief at finding Inuyasha alive and surged to the fore, screaming at him to claim the boy for his own there and then so that no one else would have him first. It was only the better part of him which had forcibly suppressed those animal demands so that he didn't fly into combat roaring that Inuyasha belonged to him.
This was where the finicky, proud facet of his character reared its arrogant head, declaring that the act of leaping into fights bellowing "He's mine!" was a dreadful cliché, and everything which was sensible and mature about Sesshomaru's brain ought to recoil from it. It also decreed that the words were a formula for disaster, wielded by pairs in love and lust rabbiting on and on: You're mine! Mine! All mine! Incredibly passionate in the heat of the moment it might be, but that sort of possessiveness had a nasty way of culminating in murder or mutual disrespect.
Which was exactly what Sesshomaru wanted to prevent. To begin with, he knew that he didn't own Inuyasha – he couldn't, not when what he loved most about him was his unfettered nature. Even declaring that he belonged to him in the most abstract way imaginable was a pure fallacy, especially when that miko might resurface at any time. He could only, at best, share his brother with her, just the way she had so often lamented that she'd had to share him with the dead miko who was and yet was not the same person as herself.
The half-dressed girl had cast a shadowy presence from the very start over his new relationship with his brother. She had been right here with them in spirit all this time, never leaving Inuyasha's thoughts entirely, and also eating into Sesshomaru's mind, as he compelled his animal nature to accept that she too had a right to his brother's affections. If she reappeared, he understood that he might very well have to bow out, for unlike himself, she had loved his brother from the beginning, flaws and all, demonic nature and humanity in one, and she had the prior claim.
Of course, the animal-demon in Sesshomaru (once it had been beaten into promising not to rend the girl limb from limb if she so much as poked her untidy head out of that well) had then settled into a corner of his better nature to lick its wounds and mutter evilly that it didn't matter – he would live long enough to watch his love rival die a wrinkled old crone, and then he could woo Inuyasha all over again.
The kinder part of him shushed the animal and told it that the young woman had her merits. If she loved his brother as much as he did, they had something good in common, thus she couldn't be too insufferable. What was best for Inuyasha was the most important thing – if she was right for him, so be it. She was human, so what was the longest he would have to wait? Ninety years? He could do that. It would be painful, but he would manage.
That sane voice in his mind could even acknowledge that she was a wholeheartedly courageous thing with a feisty spirit, teamed with immense but untrained power, and perhaps in another life, he might have considered her too as a possible lover instead of a pesky competitor.
Ryuhi surely didn't know about all that, so Sesshomaru chose to mostly ignore his advice for the time being and focus on taming the beast in his soul that ached to pin Inuyasha to the forest floor and possess him in every way he knew how until that delectable creature didn't know which way was up and which was down.
No – that was not to happen. He told himself sternly that Inuyasha was strictly here to be loved and looked after until he saw a way clear for them to be together without him wondering if his brother was well enough to know what he was doing; or without taking them down a path that would lead the hanyou to a place where in the end he would only hate Sesshomaru for treating him like a thing he owned, and detest himself for behaving like one.
But Ryuhi was right on one point: avoiding him would solve nothing. So he thought he would give it a day or two, then go to him and have a grown-up talk about the whole matter. However, as the hours went by, and he quietly observed Inuyasha from unseen spots, he began to appreciate the pleasure of being able to drink in the sight and sound and scent of him without himself being seen, without having to apologise for staring, or look away for sheer decency's sake.
The lad was spectacular to watch in action against the demons he took on – brash, untrained and wild, and frighteningly rash at times; but he was strength and courage personified, a compact bundle of lean muscle and pure bravery wrapped in bright red, swinging his massive Tetsusaiga around as if it weighed nothing. He wished he had looked upon him with these admiring eyes years ago. He might not have fought him so bitterly for their father's Tetsusaiga if he had recognised then as he did now that the sword suited Inuyasha perfectly. Even on the basis of pure aesthetics alone, the hanyou's sturdier build and wild fighting style matched that weapon so much better than his own slender physique and elegant combat moves did.
Inuyasha was also entertaining to look at from afar as he caught fish and rabbits, sparing the larger prey as he could not eat that much meat all by himself, and breathtakingly sure-footed in the trees when he sprang squirrel-like from branch to branch or ran along the bigger tree limbs when it suited him better than travelling on the ground. As he flashed his bare feet in the treetops, Sesshomaru thought for the first time that the boy had the most adorable toes.
And it was both funny and endearing to see him modestly hiding in the bushes when he needed to relieve himself, casting darting looks round in a futile attempt to determine where his brother was concealing himself this time.
So he waited another day, and another, and each day, the one he followed grew more compelling to watch, more amusing to wind up, more engaging to listen to even on those occasions when he was cursing his head off and hollering at the top of his voice in colourful language how much he wanted him, in front of bewildered onlookers.
The beast within himself would not be tamed especially when he watched him sleeping, stretched out more like a cat than a dog along thick branches high up amidst the foliage, never falling out of the tree even if he moved in his dreams. Seeing him expose his neck as he eased into more comfortable positions, arch his back as he turned, part his lips in deepest unconsciousness, or worse, flop over onto his belly with his scrumptious little ass in the air, was all not helping Sesshomaru to keep the damned animal quiet.
He stopped cold at that thought, aghast that he had even permitted the words "scrumptious little ass" to run through his mind – such base ruminations and vulgar vocabulary were most unbecoming of a taiyoukai of his stature.
Or so he told himself, as he scrupulously disguised the vibes of arousal emanating from him, until the next time he found his demon eyes glued to the aforementioned portion of the choice delicacy that was Inuyasha, draped enticingly over yet another tree limb. He was even starting to feel jealous of those trees.
So he was trapped – he couldn't go forward and have that grown-up talk now, not when he was affronted by the indignity of having to suppress several hard-ons a day from just looking at the hanyou and wrestling with that inner beast which wanted to do a hundred unmentionable things to the one he was trying his damnedest to keep as the object of his honourable love; and he couldn't go back, not when stalking him was so addictive, and when he was growing more irrationally convinced by the day that something terrible would happen to Inuyasha if he so much as glanced the other way for a second.
Yes, he had started out with the noblest of intentions, and that batty old Ryuhi had been right after all – he should have faced his brother at once instead of avoiding him.
But it was too late. He was stuck. Good and proper.
** *** **
When Inuyasha left the village again after the most recent night of the new moon, Sesshomaru mentally prepared himself to knuckle down to another few days of keeping his voyeuristic, highly unbecoming brand of lust hidden from his brother's senses – and from the senses of every youkai for miles around.
But the moment Inuyasha said goodbye to his friends and struck off in yet another direction – south, this time – Sesshomaru noticed there was something a little different about him. He wasn't prancing wildly through the trees as he normally did, sniffing all over at interesting spots on the ground or wandering haphazardly in the vague direction of one village or another.
He looked purposeful, apparently in search of something far away. That purposefulness lent his bearing and movements a quiet, assured dignity that Sesshomaru found utterly fascinating.
He watched as he moved through the forest in a more or less south-easterly line, until he came upon a small river flowing towards the sea. Inuyasha bent down to take a light sniff at the running water, seemed satisfied with whatever scents he had picked up from it, and began to trek along the banks, following the river upstream.
The boy was ignoring his presence completely, no longer muttering or yelling over his shoulder at him, not making a single concession to his presence whether he was hunting, eating, napping or answering nature's call. This intrigued Sesshomaru. He wondered what his brother was doing, and asked himself again how he was ever to tear his eyes from him when he kept exposing new facets of his character and personality – not to mention his body – that were so delightful to observe from hidden places.
As he continued travelling along the west bank of the river over the next three days, occasionally dipping into it to catch fish or wash his face and hands, the taiyoukai realised where he was going.
He was headed for the spring which Sesshomaru had taken him to twice, the place where everything that was good between them had begun, and where it had almost fallen to pieces – and Sesshomaru was still trying to ascertain that they were no longer dealing with the fragments from the impulsive mistake he had made there, but putting together something stronger, something carefully considered by them both.
Together, yet apart, they wound their way up to the spring, Inuyasha following the scents in the air and from the water that had told him where the stream originated, for he had never gone to or from that spot on foot before, and in fact had been either unconscious or asleep both times his brother had landed there with him.
He arrived at the spring by the afternoon of the third day, stood in the middle of the clearing, and looked around. Apparently satisfied that the place was as he had last remembered it and no one else was around save for himself and his unseen brother at a distance, he stepped over to the edge of the pool, untied the Tetsusaiga and lowered it to the ground, then began to remove his clothes.
Sesshomaru caught his breath to see him disrobing, removing piece after piece of clothing, dropping each article to the flat rock surface by the water, keeping his back to him at all times. And he almost fell over when Inuyasha, standing naked beside the pool, acknowledged his presence for the first time in three days by turning his head to look over his shoulder at where he knew he was hiding, as if to say: You're looking at me, aren't you? Of course you are. Having done that, he turned his head away and entered the pool, never glancing Sesshomaru's way again as he cleaned and soaked his body in the warm water.
That subtle yet startlingly erotic signal left his mouth dry and his skin feeling in that instant as if lightning had sparked over it, so he felt all the more that if he were to approach Inuyasha now, he would rush things instead of taking them at the pace the boy required.
He continued to watch as his brother finished his bath in the spring pool and walked out of the water in plain view of him, not bothering to hide himself or hurry as he put his clothes back on.
Properly clothed again, Inuyasha sat down at the edge of the clearing, in the shade of the trees. Sesshomaru knew he was waiting for him to appear, but he hardly trusted himself to show his face. He hardened his heart and kept him waiting on through the late afternoon and the evening, then watched him finally lie down on his side to rest when night fell.
** *** **
Inuyasha curled up on the grass, hugging the Tetsusaiga and thinking that now would be a really good time for Sesshomaru to emerge at last, lie down behind him, and put his arms around him where he lay, because he was ever so tired.
He was worn from long days of being jumpy with hope that his brother would make his appearance at any second, and weary of feeling self-conscious about being followed so intently.
He wanted this unsettling phase of their interactions to end, and he couldn't think of any better come-hither signal to Sesshomaru than the hopefully not-too-sleazy striptease he had given him by the water. After that last dinner conversation with Miroku, he had decided that if what his brother needed to see was someone who had grown up, that was what he would give him. What more could he do to convince him that he was ready, that he really wanted him? If he still thought the time wasn't right, or he wasn't good enough for him or whatever, then he really didn't know what else he could try.
He began to drift into sleep from emotional exhaustion rather than physical fatigue, but his eyelids fluttered open at intervals, for he kept hoping that the one he was waiting for would come out at last. He needed to feel his touch, see him, hear his voice, and… really… this would be such a good time to snuggle up against him….
He was drifting off again. He tried to stay awake by attempting to pinpoint through scent and the feel of his youki exactly where Sesshomaru was, without stirring from where he lay, but this place was filled with his scent and aura from his frequent visits, and the longer he remained here, the harder it became to tell where his brother was, or if he was really even in the vicinity any more.
Then he did drift off to sleep at last.
Hours later, he woke with a start as the morning light hit his face, and he held his breath, hoping against hope that Sesshomaru had come to his senses in the night and he would turn to find the taiyoukai next to him, looking at him with the kind of desire he had seen in his eyes in this very spot one-and-a-half months ago.
But no one was beside him. The clearing was empty in the damp morning air, save for himself, and he was cold and alone.
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And You, My Brother