Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Enamored	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Kouga/Kagome Views: 13037 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, and I do not make any money from these writings

Chapter List
- 23
- 24
- 25
Chapter 24: Final Step
Awkwardness did not even begin to describe the situation.
It had begun well. She had awoken with a ping of pain between her legs, but nothing she could not ignore. When she had opened her eyes, his strong arms had been wrapped around her, while her head had found safety upon his chest. He had been warm and she had found herself leaning into him. Of course, the perfect moment did not last forever. As she became more and more awake, a tint of red decorated her cheeks. How in the world would she ever be able to look at him again? She was okay with what took place. She lost herself in a moment with him but there was no regrets attached to it. He treated her as though she was the most precious person in the world. He made her discover another world and she had been completely exhausted by the end of it.
But now? Now she had to look at him, and talk to him - and they would probably end up talking about it.
And she did not even know how to talk about it.
Was she supposed to have done it if she could not even find it in her to speak about it?
Right now they were sitting side by side, nibbling at their food. Kouga's body was pressed to hers and once in a while, he would steal a glance. She knew he was only silent because he figured it was the best way to make her comfortable but… but she almost wished he would talk. She could not. If someone would initiate a talk, it might be less awkward between them. Then again, what if he asked her questions to which she had no answers? Would that not make everything a lot worse?
No, it would be fine. She would be fine.
"Orange?"
The sound of his voice startled her, and she nearly jumped out of her skin. She turned to meet his eyes and he looked apologetic. He hated himself. Because of her. She could not let him take any blame because there was no blame to take. She had to speak up.
"Thanks," she replied as she took the orange slice from him.
Alright, that was not quite what she meant when she said talk. She needed to try again.
"Kouga…"
"I feel like I need to apologize."
Yeah, he could not let her out there. They would eat her alive. They would ask her more questions than she could answer, they would embarrass her and he would ruin his chances with her. It was best if he kept her locked in the cave. Although, when he thought about keeping her in the cave, his mind had other ideas than just keeping her there. Already he could feel his cock wanting to sprung back to life. Nope, not now. He now knew how tight and wet she felt and his body wanted a second taste of her. But he was not a reckless monster who had no control over himself. He would not laugh himself at her simply because she was beside him. He had control.
"You don't have to."
That was the first big weight off of her shoulders. She did not want him to carry any guilt around. He had enough of that going on and she did not want to make his situation worse. That was one of the things she feared. But it was too late now. "Kouga, you didn't do anything wrong."
He slammed one of his hands down on the back of his neck and he let the air out of his lungs. How could he not? She was sitting beside him like a deer scared for its life. How could he not shower her in apologies? "I shouldn't have."
"I asked you to…" This time, the fire was back in her cheeks and she had to stare away from him. Alright, she had not explicitly asked him but she had asked him in the best way she could. He had waited for her approval before doing anything and he had given it to him. There was no guilt to be have on his part.
"I wanted this." This time her voice was nothing more than whisper. She prayed inside that he had not heard the words she dared to whisper.
There was a twitch traveling through his lips as he did his best to suppress the smirk that wanted to form. Her words filled him with pride. She wanted it and from what he was understanding - including the faint scent in the cave - she did enjoy it. He had worried he might not be able to please her. After all, he knew the way it worked between youkais but - he was not that familiar with human customs. For all he knew they enjoyed those kind of activities very differently. He also knew that humans were much more uptight about these kind of things. Youkais enjoyed more freedom when it came to their bodies.
Why did it feel like if she turned around he would be smirking?
"What does it mean?" He knew it was putting an unfair pressure on her, but he needed to know where he stood. If he had to protect her feelings, he would. But if he could freely enjoy having her in his life, then he would as well. "Look, I know ya said you were trying. And - I just, I just wanna know, Kag."
Kag. He usually struggled with the right words when he was around her. Perhaps she had pushed him to a limit where he had to be honest. And she could not blame him for asking. "I don't know." That was about the worst answer in the world. "I know that's not what you want to hear."
He gripped her chin with his clawed fingers and turned her head. "Do ya like me?"
She blushed. "Yes." How could she have done what she did if she did not feel for him?
"Do ya love me?"
He was pushing it. He probably should not be asking this and he knew there was a chance he might not like the answer she would have for him but he asked regardless. There was a part of him that wanted more hope. He was being greedy and he was taking everything there was to take. But who could blame him? He would do anything for the tiny woman who was looking at him with shiny eyes.
"I- I don't know. Maybe."
She never had the answers he was looking for but for her defence, his questions were never easy. It also came down to how honest she wanted to be with him and how much she wanted to protect him. She did have to do more than like him if she offered herself to him. But as per always, the future was never certain with them. She did not know why she was never unsure when it came to Inuyasha. Perhaps it was because deep down, she knew it would never work. He would never let go of Kikyo and thus, she did not have to worry herself with a future that could not exist. The situation was different with Kouga. He would follow her anywhere that he could. He would do whatever she asked of him. The reality of a future with him was something she could envision. She simply did not know if it was something that she could indeed have.
Maybe.
He liked maybe more than no. At this point he felt it could almost be a yes but she was afraid to give in too much. It mattered not. A maybe was enough to make him beam with happiness and he flashed her a grin. "Well, I love ya."
He was never shy about his feelings for her and he would never be. If she asked him to tone it down, he was not sure he could. "And I wanna be with you."
Her mouth twisted downwards. "Kouga, it's not that I don't want to be with you."
"Then what is it?"
His grin was gone and his expression was replaced by a more serious one. He needed to know what it was he could do to change her mind. What was the switch he could flip for her to see what he saw this entire time? They worked together. They balanced out each other. How could it be wrong? How could it not work?
"Kouga, we - they are things."
"What things?"
"We're from different time."
"I don't care." He would follow her what he had to - and if he could not follow her, well, he would find a way to do so. "Time is not gonna keep me from ya."
"You don't know that," she answered, her voice breaking. "You can't control that."
If Kagome was meant to be his, she would be his. Nothing would stand in the way of that.
"I can."
Sometimes, she wished she had his self confidence. Although she did try to believe in herself, she had her moments of self doubts, occasion where she thought she might not be enough. Such thoughts never seemed to plague him. At least, it had not until Naraku took almost everything from him. But slowly, she saw more and more glimpses of the Kouga he used to be before he nearly lost everything. She did not want him to become someone else. She did not want Naraku to change another person. He had turned enough people into shells of themselves and nobody deserved that. Kouga had a light, a courage, that few had. She wanted him to hold on to it as long as he could. He could make a difference. He had made a difference for her.
"We don't know that."
She was always the one who had to shatter his dreams, break his hopes.
"I do."
It did not matter how many bad news she threw his way. He could handle it. As long as there was a glimmer of hope, he would hold on to it. Having her by his side was the reason he had yet to go on a destructive mission to kill Naraku. If he kept Kagome by his side, he might stay rational when it came down to this. He might be able to pull through her follow her plan. Whatever she would come up with would be less dangerous and it would have a higher chance of success. He simply needed to trust her with his life. But he needed her by his side to do that. If he lost her, he would spiral.
He could not afford to spiral.
"Kouga… I don't… I can't make promises."
"I ain't asking ya to make promises." He put one of his hands on her hip. "I'm asking to trust me."
"I do trust you." She trusted him with everything it seemed; her life, her body, her soul. It was more than she had ever trusted anyone. Including Inuyasha.
"Good." He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. "I'll figure it out."
"What if you can't?"
"I will."
She should push it more, she should ask more questions, but she did not have it in her to shatter the perfect image he seemed to have in his mind. What if she was the one who was being too negative? Perhaps there was more hope than she was seeing. Recent events had put a damper on what she considered to be a good thing. Lives were lost left and right and chaos was all that was left behind. It was not fair and nobody deserved it. She needed to fix it as rapidly as she could but… but she also had to wait for him.
And that brought forth another dilemma.
"I won't be okay with you leaving your pack behind."
"I ain't gonna leave them behind."
If she left, he was leaving. But nobody was saying this was a permanent leave of absence. Plus, his pack members wanted revenge just as much as he did. They would understand that he was not simply doing this to follow Kagome and be near her. He was also doing it because Naraku needed to be taken down. He knew his brothers and sisters were strong. Plus, the real target was Kouga. They might actually end up being safer if he was not near them. Naraku would want to finish the job, or he would want to hurt him more. That meant probably trying to do something to Kagome. But he would never let him do that. Naraku was done taking the lives of the people he loved. He would not let him lay another finger on someone.
No, all of this, his pack would understand.
"You won't be here."
"Because I'll be trying to kill the fucking bastard who took their brothers and sisters."
Yes. Kouga was not the only one suffering. She noticed the faces of others but they were all so - they were worried Kouga would not make it. They barely survived losing their own and now they did not want to lose their leader. Would they not lose him if he left?
"Trust me Kagome, wolves don't forgive. They want that bastard death as much as I do. If I stay, they'll wanna come. I don't wanna watch them die over this. If I'm far away, no one is gonna have any smart ass idea about taking him out. They'll know I'm working on it."
His logic was actually sound. He was not wrong. And she understood his desire to protect what was left of his pack. Perhaps she had been focusing too much on herself while he already had a clear picture of the whole situation. She did need to let go a little bit and put more trust in him.
There was nothing to say, there was no way for her to argue.
"You're right." She let her shoulders drop. "But you can't go with your legs like this."
"My legs are fine." He smirked. "They worked fine last night."
And her red face was back. Great. Immediately she tried to hide her face with her hands but he stopped her. He grabbed her wrists and kept her hands away from her beautiful face. He wanted to see the blush on it, he wanted her to think back about what he had done to her. It might be a tad selfish but his ego loved it. He had felt less than a youkai without his legs and this was truly helping.
"Or do we not talk about that?" he asked as he leaned into her, still keeping at bay.
His breath tickled her flesh and she shivered. How was it so easy for him to make her lose all balance and all words? She could not even talk while he stood there all smug about it. Then again, she could hardly argue. What could she say about it?
She wanted to tell him she would rather not, but she figured that might make him even more smug about the whole thing and that would not help her. "I-I…"
Her stutters were interrupted by his laughter. He leaned into her and pressed a kiss to her cheeks. He enjoyed being the one who made her blush. When he was with her in those moments, he forgot about all the pain, about all the painful memories he had been trying to push away. He could be himself and he could be happy. Was that not the most important part? He could feel when he was with her. And he never wanted to let go of her.
-E-
She blinked once.
Then twice.
Ah yes.
Now she finally understood why Kouga had been so hesitant about her leaving the cave. She had told him that he was being an idiot and that his bandages needed changing. Some of the blood had finally soaked through and she could not leave him like that. She had convinced him when she had said that if he wanted to hunt for Naraku and jewel shards, he had to recover his health first. She had been so focused on their new development, on fixing his legs that she had, for a brief moment no more, forgotten one big element.
She lived in an environment where she was surrounded by youkais. Youkais who had not only the greatest of hearing, but also a very good nose. That meant that everything had been heard and had been smelled. And there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. Of course, she might have been able to maintain her innocence, if - well if everyone had not been that damn obvious about it. As soon as she had set foot outside of the cave, many pairs of eyes had landed on her. Once they all realized that they were staring, they all quickly resumed their tasks, not without trying to steal glances at her. Oh god. She could not deny it, she could not pretend to be the same person she was before last night.
She was not and they knew it.
She was however quite surprised that nobody was bombarding her with questions.
She might be human but Kouga was the leader of the pack right? Plus, they all did keep calling her sis…
No, she would not dwell on that. She much preferred it if there were no questions. She did not want any. She would not even be able to answer them.
Kagome walked through the crowd, the stares hard to ignore and she made her way to one wolf she knew pretty well. Although she was not quite convinced that he would be able to refrain himself from asking her a million questions. But she had no choice. "Ginta?" she tried in the quietest voice she could muster.
He flipped around in half a second, a giant grin upon his features. Oh yes, he was happy about it. "Kagome? Sis! What can I do for you today?"
He could maybe tone down the little excitement in his voice but she was not going to mention it. If she mentioned it, he would mention it in return and she knew for a fact that she would crack before him. The best solution was to put on a smile and pretend that she was absolutely not dying of shame deep inside of her core. Although, they could probably already smell it on her. Goddamn it, it was not fair. Why did they have to get this advantage over her? Ugh.
"I - I was looking for bandages."
"Hm, hm. Bandages huh?"
She blinked. Was he questioning her truthfulness? "Yes. I have to change Kouga's bandages."
"Ah. Change Kouga's bandages." He tried to pinch his lips together, hoping it might help him hold in the bright smile that wanted to pop out of him. Honestly, he was a little scared of Kouga and his threats and well - he could tell how uncomfortable Kagome already was. He did not want to be the one to make it worse but…
"Yes, he bled through them, and…" Why did she feel like she was the punch line of some hilarious joke she was not in on? Oh no, she knew the joke.
"Of course Kagome, I can get you more bandages."
That was it? She expected a joke or maybe a comment. But nope. All he offered her was his help. Why did she find that insanely suspicious?
"Come on."
She nodded, still a little flabbergasted by his reaction, but she followed him. He led her through the middle of the main area and then came to a halt in front of another older wolf. She dug up in a pouch that was beside her and she pulled out some fabric that resembled bandaging. Ginta thanked her before taking it from her and then he re-focused his attention on her. He still had that same bright smile on his face as he dropped the fabric in her hand.
"Here ya go, Sis!"
"Thank you."
She was about to turn around when she heard him open his mouth for one more comment. "Oh, and do tell Kouga that he should really be careful with his extra activities. We wouldn't have him to hurt himself."
She was so glad he could only see half of her face as it turned a bright red color. She wanted to melt to the ground, she wanted to disappear. Everything in her was screaming for her to run away but she had a little attitude than that and Ginta was just about to find out about it. "Hey!"
The sharp sound that came out of her was enough to startle him.
"He has been killing himself trying to get better. And - and he has been taking care of me. Okay. And it's perfectly okay, and natural." Oh god, she was blabbering. She had to stop before she blabbered more. "And I don't have to explain myself. And Kouga was already - I already had to change them and it has nothing to do with anything okay so… and… and…"
And she could see that Ginta was dying to burst into a fit of laughters. Perhaps now was the best time to walk away with whatever dignity she had left. Yes, she had to walk away before she started sputtering nonesense again. Oh god. Now she almost wish the bird of paradise had finished her off. Then she would not be here leaving this nightmare. Despite the pain and the tugging on her wound, she hurried back to the cave. As soon as its safety came in view, she nearly dashed for it. She was barely in it that she turned around rapidly, smacking her back against the rock wall. The bandage slipped from her hold and her heart was hammering inside her chest. She could feel it press, feel it thundering in her ears.
God.
"Kagome?"
There was a jolting pain in his legs as he rose in a jump. He could feel and smell the panic that was rolling off of her. He frowned, displeasure forming in his chest as he closed the distance between them. His steps were slow but he finally made it to her. She was barely hanging on, her legs quivering. There was also a very noticeable shade of red covering her cheeks. And he knew. Just from the shame coming off of her, he knew.
"What did they fucking say?"
Kagome let out a breath. She was being an idiot. They had not said anything bad, they had not made fun of her or humiliated her. They had mostly teased Kouga but of course, she was included in that. Her reaction was quite childish. The pack loved her and they were clearly very happy about what took place. But - but oh god she wanted to die right now.
"It's fine."
Kouga growled. "It's not fine." He was going to kick their fucking asses. Busted legs or not, he could still fucking put them in their places. Had he not warned them to leave her alone? As if all of this was not hard enough on her already!
She pressed her hands to his chest, hoping that the physical contact would calm him. "Kouga, I'm fine. They didn't do anything. I'm just…" Could her cheeks feel anymore like fire? Seriously. She thought her entire face was about to melt off. "I - this is new for me."
He knew. He knew it was the first time she so intimately shared her body with someone. And that someone was him. He wanted nothing more than to rip out some throats but the way her shining eyes were looking at him… he could not bring himself to do it. She seemed to be embarrassed enough and he did not wish to increase her discomfort. For now, he would hold himself back. But when she would finally rest? There would be some hell to pay. His fingers were already itching at his side. It had been a while since he had felt such an urge of adrenaline. Last time, he had wanted to rip Naraku's neck. Kouga finally had Kagome and he did not want to lose her because some idiots could not be damned to keep their mouths shut. Every time they were together he felt like he was threading on some dangerous territories, as though she could slip through his fingers at any moment.
Kouga prayed that he would not feel this way forever. He was impatiently waiting for a moment when he would know that his grasp on her was forever and there was no risk of him losing her. It was too late for him to pull himself away. Too late to protect his soul and his heart. If she retracted, he would be shattered. He would still pursue her in silence, and he would still love her. But he would have to respect her choice. Which was why, he craved that need to know that she was his and that he was never going to lose her. But she had already given him more than he deserved. He should not be pushing her for more. He should be grateful for everything that she had given him.
He was going to be weak was he not?
He pressed his forehead to hers, her warmth spreading to his own skin. He felt heavy, heavier than usual. Concern grew in her heart and she raised her hands until they were touching his neck. "Kouga, what's wrong?" Although she was more shy than he was, she was happy. Should that not mean that Kouga should be ecstatic? He had praised his love to her from the very beginning after all. What had happened to take his happiness away? He had so little of it lately.
"Don't leave."
She arched an eyebrow. Had they not talk about this already? "Kouga, I told you to come." She still did not think it was ideal but she had not opposed herself to the idea. "What happened?"
Could he do it? Could he completely pour his heart open to her? Her voice was soft, luring him into a sense of safety and security and he truly wanted it. "Kagome… I can't bear to lose you." He sighed. "I don't mean ya being from a different time. I mean you choosin' you don't want this no more."
His voice was broken and she could hear the sadness laced with it. All because of the love he felt for her. "Kouga…"
"Shit, I'm not trying to… I - I just…I ain't… I don't wanna guilt you." How the fuck could he say this without completely screwing it up? "I just…" He punched the rocks nearest to him, frustration rising through him. Surprisingly, she did not even jump when he did so. She was not scared of him. He was acting like a complete fool and there she was, just waiting for him to get over his little fit he was having. He did not deserve someone like her in his life - especially considering the half youkai he was now…
"I ain't trying to guilt ya into staying. I just, I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you."
She leaned into his chest, resting her face upon it. "Kouga, I'm not leaving." There might be things that were out of their control. There might be twists of fates that she would not be allowed to control and it killed her to even think about it but it did not change the facts. If time and fate allowed it, she would be with him. At the very least, it seemed that she had decided to stay with him as long as she could. She did not know if they were ready for the step they took. It might have been a mistake. She did not know if she was to lay with him again right away.
But she held no regrets.
She felt alive, she felt herself. He allowed her to find her own strength. He gave her a change to become the fighter that was inside of her. And yes, there were many instances where she wanted to give up, but the fact of the matter was… she did not. And now, after he had given her so much, he was the one who was in need of her support. What kind of person would she be if she refused him what he had given her? She could not do that. She would be to him what he was to her. She would be his rock, his guide in time of needs. She could not say exactly when he fully creeped into her heart. She could not pinpoint the moment when she decided that this was what she wanted. It came by, slowly. Moments by moments, kiss by kiss.
But she knew that losing him would break her heart.
More than it had been broken when she let go of Inuyasha.
She did not wish him harm, she did not wish for him to perish. But she could let him go.
"I will be here."
He lifted a hand and he put it to her head. Gently, he caressed her hair, hoping the motion might calm them both. He needed her more than he needed anything else. He used to kill humans for sports. He used to rip them to shred and view it as an honor. And somehow, this tiny human had changed him completely. Now, he shivered at the thought of what he used to do. He was so small minded, so focused on what he was trying to do. Although his goal had not changed. He was still going to protect what was his, no matter the cost. But, he had a bigger open mind when it came to who could be his allies now.
She deserved a better person and he wanted to be that person for her. He thought he knew everything considering the centuries of life he had behind him but it turned out that he knew nothing. She was going to be his guiding light.
"I love you Kagome." And he did not say it in a way that he expected a reply. He knew he was far ahead of her when it came to feelings. But he had to say it. She felt like such a fragile thing that he could lose… if he did not say it now, it felt like he might never get the chance to say it.
She could not say it, so instead, she held him tighter. "I am here. I am not leaving."
Her fingers were digging into his back as fear overcame her. It was scary to need someone else. It was scary to feel for someone who felt for her back. It was new and she had yet to find her footing. She was learning and the path was full of mistakes. She usually avoided promising him anything and yet, she had just promised that she would stay by his side. She did not feel like the girl who fell off Kirara, bleeding to death. She felt like someone else. Someone different than the girl who fell down the well. And though it seemed that her feelings could waver and change, she did hope that this time it would stick.
Kouga had allowed her to find safety.
He had allowed her to feel back the love she had given to so many.
She did not want to lose that.
-E-
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