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Red Lotus	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 20070 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 7
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 25
- 26
- 27
A/N: Well, this is a little late. Sorry real life is kicking my butt.
Red Lotus
Chapter 26: The Prognostic
There was a buzzing silence surrounding the room while the softness of the silk sheets melting against her skin. She was buried under them, wrapped around as to keep all the warmth. Yet, despite the peacefulness of the moment, something was twitching at her, disturbing her rest. Her eyes flickered open for a brief moment, hoping to quickly spot the source of the disturbance. Unfortunately for her, no such light was shed on the matter. Her mind was too groggy and her vision to hazy for her to make out what awoke her. She was forced to fully open her eyes and then, her heart stopped. Sesshomaru was staring at her. Not subtly, not from the corner of his eye. Nope, he was fully on his side, staring at her.
Panic spread through her and her first reaction, after blushing, was to turn to the other side, leaving him to look at her back. Why did he stare at her like that? Did she say something in her sleep? Did she have something on her face? Technically she should be asking, but the intensity of his gaze left her speechless. She tried to slowly exhale the air in her lungs, hoping to calm down her poor heart. Surely he had to notice her discomfort and yet she still felt his eyes on her. This was ridiculous. After everything they did, she should be able to turn around and talk to him. Yes, there was nothing embarrassing about this, it was simply a question.
But then, as she turned, his stare swallowed her words. "Mo-morning," she babbled.
He blinked slowly. "Have you bled yet?"
Was that the reason behind the awkward staring? It was their third month trying. The first month was a flop, the second month had not been better despite their use of the ovulation kit. This month? It was anyone's guess. "No," she breathed out before straightening herself in a sitting position.
There had been something strange about Sesshomaru during the past few weeks. At first it was little things, moments she barely noticed. However, as they became more and more frequent, she began to wonder. For the first time since the beginning of their bond, she was confused between her emotions and his. Little need, little cravings that she knew were not hers. There was also the small brush of the hand, his little finger touching her as he passed by. It should be nothing and she should not pay attention to them, but those were not things Sesshomaru could possibly do by accident. He was quite mindful of his personal space and would notice and stop if he touched her all the time.
The fact that he did not was intriguing. Did he even realize it was happening?
It messed with her head. Was she putting all the signs together because she wanted to or was there something to look for? Sesshomaru was a hard code to crack and barely gave her any way to confirm all of her thoughts and did not help that she was going through changes of her own. Her little pot belly that was forming, the swell of her breasts and the way her face was rounding out. Her body was reacting well to the changes and the deepening of the bond. It did re-assure her concerning the pregnancy to come. Her body was slowly more equipped to handle it.
"I thought I might wait a few days." She learned not to get her hopes up. There was no point and it was harder to come back from it. They would have a long few months ahead of them and she could not let the failure crush her spirit every time.
"I cannot sense anything." Of course, it was too early for him to feel as such, but it did not mean he did not try. Plus, he had required an excuse for the situation she had found him in. He had been staring, flat out staring. It was something he had been doing more and more and it was a tiring habit. Whenever she was close enough for him to touch her, he would stare. It was better than touching. There was this need swirling inside of him, one that dictated him to touch her, and run his hands over the planes of her body - without taking her and sleeping with her. It was a pointless need, one he refused to indulge. His feelings were not his own and yet they were not hers. All of this confusion took root inside of him.
Lying to her about his reasons for staring seemed like a proper way to keep this his own secret. Although today would put his skills to the test; they would be spending the day together. She had no homework, work or online classes. And he was off on weekends. It was the first time they were not busy with any other activities and he wondered how he would pull it all off with a straight face. Avoiding her would seem suspicious and he did not need her to notice his strange behavior. Clearly this was simply the side effect of something. He would figure it out and then rid himself of the problem. Why would it not be that easy?
"You should rest," he finally said as he pulled himself away from the blankets. If she stayed in bed and he left the bed, it would put some distance between them. That was the plan, right? Plus, he was not comfortable laying around in bed all day. It was well past the time he got up.
Kagome watched him leave, an eyebrow arched. Why did she need to rest? She was no longer sick per say. He… he was avoiding her. Was he ashamed of the way he was staring earlier? Knowing him, probably, yes. She let him leave, not wanting to push him. If there was one thing she learned about him it was that he resembled a wild animal; you could not directly push him. If she wanted to know what caused the shift and change in him, she would have to figure it out without directly asking him. Perhaps it would be best to leave him with his thoughts for a while. Plus, she was desperate for a shower.
As Kagome threw her legs over the edge of the bed, a sharp pain traveled through her sides. Ugh. Maybe she would not need to take a pregnancy test, after all. The pain of period cramps was hard to forget. Another month, another bust. She shook her head softly as she let her feet hit the ground. Nope, she expected this. This was okay. A shower. Yes. A shower was going to do her some good. She slapped a smile on her face and slowly marched in the direction of the door, keeping her mind clear of any kind of bad thoughts.
A little while later, Sesshomaru was in the kitchen, slowly beginning his breakfast. He had a newspaper laid on the counter and his eyes were mindlessly roaming over it. He had been grateful when he heard her get into the shower. But, when he heard it turn off, his heart skipped for a moment. There was always a certain lack of control over his own body when she was around. Part of it he had learned to accept, but the rest? He did not think he would ever find it tolerable. His own personality was shifting, but it was not out of his own doing. He did not appreciate those modifications.
He did not want to need what his body needed.
It tore him apart from the inside.
"This month is not the month."
Her quiet voice startled him out of his thoughts. When had he become so used to her presence that she could sneak up on him? He tried to hide the shock caused by her sudden appearance and slipped on a mask. Her words took a moment to sink in, but once they did, his shoulders slumped slightly. "You are not pregnant."
She shook her head. "I'm - a I'm bleeding."
"Next month."
"Yeah, maybe."
She sat across from him and despite her best attempts to appear strong, he saw right through it. She was disappointed by the results. This should be the end of the conversation; he should not say anything else because there was nothing else to say. That notion did nothing to lessen the ache in his chest. Her ache. He remembered the tears, the feel of her shaking body and he wanted to avoid that situation at all cost. Those kind of situations were to be labeled as dangerous since they got a rise out of him. And now he was faced with a dilemma; did he dare to say something and hopefully get rid of her sadness and did he remain silent and hope it would not derail into tears and a deep state of upset?
"Your body is not ready yet."
Kagome stopped in her movements and dared to raise her head to look at him. Did - did he just try to comfort her? Alright, it was officially not in her head. Sesshomaru was changing, he was different with her. Why in the world did it matter to him if she was upset or not? Not that she was. Because - she was not. She had accepted the fact that this would take a while. Still, he was trying to bring her words of comfort. If she was not upset, it meant he was not upset. He was doing this because - why was he doing this?
"I know. Else it would have happened."
She had to reply to him - he was trying to be nice. Although, she did not have the first clue on how to deal with this kind of Sesshomaru. What had brought this on?
He nodded and then, let his eyes travel back to his newspaper. Awkwardness ran into the air and he decided that silence might have been a better option. Apparently, his judgment could not longer be trusted.
Whatever this was - it was a problem.
-R-
The day went by less awkwardly than the morning had, with Kagome opting for some resting like he had suggested while he watched some television. He had his back pressed to the couch while zapping through the channels. It was quite difficult to find something he could find interesting. Sometimes documentaries were a winner, but other times they were only the demonstration of how stupid humans were. He clicked on the little arrow again and watched the channel change. A loud bang echoed through the place and for a second he thought it was coming from the TV. His ears flared and he remained on alert while he listened for any other sounds.
Then, there were grunts.
Kagome.
He was on his feet, already in the bedroom, by the time the remote reached the ground. His palms were pressed to the doorway as he peeked in. Kagome was on the floor, bending in two, whilst holding her stomach. As she heard him come in, she raised her head and made eye contact, pain flashing through her eyes. "Sess-" but she could not finish his name.
Breathing hurt. Talking was even worse.
In a flash, he was by her side, a hand carelessly placed upon her back as he tried to find an injury. Unfortunately, nothing caught his eye and the only blood he smelled was the one coming from her period. She brought him out of his thoughts by gripping at his bicep, the fabric of his white shirt threatening to give out under the pull. Another grunt of pain left her lips and this time, tears filled her eyes. Not good. "Sess."
For the love of god…
Hospital. He had to get her to a hospital. She could not walk - she would never make it to the car on her own. He popped his lips out of aggravation and settled on the only obvious solution; he would have to carry her. Without giving her a proper warning, he slipped an arm under her knees and the other remained on her back. In one swift motion, he lifted her off the ground. Immediately her fingers dug into his arm, probably out of fear that she was going to fall, and then her head collided with his chest. In silence, he got her out of the bedroom and in the direction of the outside world. She remained limp in his arms, the pain clearly too much to bear. He felt the sweat of her forehead wet his shirt, but it did not slow down his speed.
He was walking faster - faster than a human should, but that thought barely crossed his mind.
Once they got to the car he put her down and put her seatbelt on as best as he could. He sped through his side and drove as fast as he could to the hospital. Her fear was laced with her pain and somehow he could tell what was going through her mind. The first time she was in pain, the first time that brought her to the hospital… she learned of her impending doom. This was not a visit to see how well she was doing. This was a bad visit. There was blood and there was pain and… And she was scared. This time this feeling was not his, it was clearly hers. And there was nothing that could take it away. Instead, he watched her while she bent in two, screaming away her pain.
Kagome was biting her lip, trying to be silent, but it was too much. There was a throbbing in her stomach, pulsing cramps that in the end were nothing like the cramps she got during the period. What was happening to her?
All Sesshomaru could do was grip the wheel while the light turned red.
Come on.
-R-
"Mister Taisho?"
His head snapped up at the sound of his name. He ignored the fact that he had been bent over, holding his head in his hands. Or that he did not even mind the awful stench coming from the green cushion chair he was sitting on. He rose to his feet, smoothening the wrinkles from his shirt. He took a few steps in the direction of the nurse while she held her pad close to her chest.
"You can see her now."
Four hours. That was how long he waited on that forsaken chair. No risks were taken, especially not considering how miraculous her recovery had been. They feared the worst and he could not tell them they were wrong without explaining everything so he kept his mouth shut and waited. He knew the word cancer was on their mind and they wasted time exploring that option. At least they did end up finding something. Or at least he hoped so.
He followed the nurse's indication and went into the room. The door creaked as he opened it, blinking under the bright neons. Inside he found Kagome sitting on the bed, though she still had her hospital gown on. The doctor was standing in front of her, clearly waiting for his arrival before speaking. He tried to decipher Kagome's expression, but he could not; although it was hard to miss the redness that spread in her eyes. Did she recently cry or was it all from the pain?
"Mister Taisho."
He nodded. Sesshomaru stopped walking once he reached the metal rails and let his hand glide across it.
"Kagome, you will be fine." He offered her a smile. "So will your baby."
B-baby? "I'm sorry my what?"
"You're pregnant," the doctor confirmed. "Barely three weeks." As he watched her face fall, he closed his eyes. "You did not know."
She shook her head, unable to find the words to speak. They did some ultra sounds, but they said it was to get a better look at her ovaries and everything else. They never said it was because of this. She was pregnant. No, she could not be pregnant because - because she bled and there was blood and why did he say her baby was going to be fine? Panic surged through her, fear pulsing through her blood while suddenly she found herself panting. Her hands shook as she planted them against her thighs and she remained voiceless. Baby. Pregnant.
Sesshomaru was about as abashed as she was, but he was able to form coherent sentences. When he saw Kagome lacked the control to ask the questions that needed to be asked, he took control. "She was in pain - and bled. How can either of them be fine?"
The doctor cleared his throat. "It happens sometimes. Especially in Kagome's case. Her body has gone through a lot recently and it is not as strong as it should be." He sighed, uncomfortable under the tall man's stare. He was used to husbands always being iffy in such situation, but something about him was sending a shiver down his spine. "What happened was that the placenta shifted, causing the bleeding. A small part of it tore from the uterus' wall."
"A-and that's safe?"
"No, but in your case it was not enough to put the baby's life in danger. You will have to be careful for the next few weeks. We will have to schedule an appointment so that you may come back in two weeks. We'll monitor the situation, but I don't see why you can't have a normal pregnancy."
"Will she bed ridden?"
"She can move around the house, do her daily tasks. But I wouldn't recommend staying on your feet for too long. At least until we see each other again."
"She cannot work."
"I do not recommend it."
He wanted the words to come from the doctor's mouth. If he was the one who ordered it, she would not listen. Although - if he took one long look at her, he could see how much this shook her. She was a mess. It was a good thing he was there to ask all the questions that needed to be asked.
"Does she need to stay here longer?"
"You can take her home."
"Thank you."
The doctor offered a polite nod and got out of the room silently.
Sesshomaru watched him leave and once the door closed, he went around and sat down by Kagome's side. As soon as she felt his presence, she let out the sobs she had been holding back. Tears spilled down her face while her whole body shook with pain. She knew it. She always knew it that she was broken and this only confirmed it further. Even her body knew she was going to be a terrible mother. It even tried to rip it all out of her. Everything she feared, all the things that might go wrong - they were going wrong. She could barely breathe as more sobs and tears poured out of her. She was semi-conscious of a hand on her back, but it did nothing to ease the pain she felt.
But she needed something - she wanted something.
Warmth.
Consequences did not even cross her mind as she launched herself at Sesshomaru, throwing her arms around his neck. She pressed her wet face to his shirt, smudging it, and let the weight of her body rest on his.
At first, he remained still like a statue, his arms remaining by his side. This was not what he had in mind when he came to sit by her side. First, he wanted to make sure that the doctor's assumptions were correct and second of all, he wanted to tell her to calm herself. All the stress she was imposing on her body was not helping her situation. Although he had no doubt that the prognostic was correct; she would have a normal pregnancy. Whatever was happening would be taken care of - she did not heal like a human. She was less at risks than the others despite the weakness of her own body. But this? This hug? This messiness of tears? He did not know what to do with this.
It was different when she was in pain, it was different when her life was at risk.
Now all he could feel was the shake of her body while she hang on to him like he was going to save her. Her hopelessness was slowly transferring to him, almost making him shiver in disgust. She was sad and broken. Why? There was some bad news, but overall, it was going to be fine. Plus, she was indeed pregnant. Had she not shed tears because she was not? Now she was and yet she remained upset. None of this made sense to him.
Pregnant.
Thinking about it made it real.
After a few attempts, she was carrying his child. He would have his heir, his son. It was growing inside the sad miko.
Kagome moved her head forward, forcing her face to nuzzle his neck. His skin felt warm against her cold cheek and she could not help, but travel further up. There was something she needed - something only he could give to her. He would never do that, but it did not mean she would stop asking. She felt shame fill her chest, but she kept her face where it was. This way, he was warm, this way, she was not alone. Her mind was racing, her heart was aching and she wanted to throw up. This was not right; it was not supposed to be like this. If her body was not ready to welcome a child, why did it - they should have waited. Why did they not wait longer? They knew her body was useless!
She was about to let another sob take over when she felt him wrap an arm around her. It was not much, it was not even a real hug.
But for her it was and she leaned into him even more.
This was a dangerous path.
-R-
"I prepared soup."
Kagome raised her head, peeking from the blankets. Ever since their return home, she hid in the bed. He did not try to push her out of there, he did not force her to move. He was most likely happy that remained still. Although he did bring her food for every meal and it was always things like soup and easy things to swallow. To make matters worse, he took a day off from work to remain home. She expressed the fact that it was useless, but he did not listen. It was not as though they were spending speaking or even sleeping in the same bed. Instead, he took refuge in her old bedroom. That left her all alone in the large bed, her body surrounded by pillows to prevent any kind of movements. He feared that his presence might provoke further injuries.
At least during the first week.
After that, he was confident her body would have fixed the situation.
Sesshomaru remained in the doorway with a hot bowl of soup in his hands. For now, she would be fed in the bed. He knew she felt a slight irritation since he chose to stay home, but he did not trust the stability of the situation enough to leave her side. She went from fine to terrible pain in very little time. What if something occurred while he was away and she could not get help? His child was growing inside of her and he refused to let it perish. He was already aware that she might need more help, normal pregnancy or not, and he could deal with this. He was not losing money; he had sick days. Money. It was about to become very important.
Since she said nothing, he walked in. He put the little white bowl down on the nightstand and stole a glance at her. "Are you well?"
She nodded. "Thanks."
As he lingered nearby, she came to remind herself that it was good that there was some space between them. She craved for him. His hug at the hospital had been unexpected, but she had needed it. She pulled herself from him as much as possible, knowing he would never give her what she wanted. Except now? She wanted it. And he was offering it. It was dangerous because she knew it was temporary. Yes, something in him had shifted, but she did not know how long it would last and she knew that some of it was directed towards the child. It was his baby as well and it was normal for him to be worried.
It was not about her.
And yet, as he stood there, she lingered for his warmth, his arms wrapped around her. She wanted something to take the ache away. She forced her eyes away from her, keeping her need hidden from him.
"Do you require me to lift you up?"
She shook her head. "I'm alright."
Kagome put her hands down against the mattress and pushed herself up. She cringed a bit as she lifted her body up, and finally, pressed her back against the crinkled pillow. She let out a breath of air and let her body unwind. Perhaps she could have used his help - but it was not as though she was putting her baby at risk. This pain was hers. She was not making any dangerous movements. She could breathe and turn around. She simply could not put her body through too much stress and she was not. She filled her lungs with air before twisting around and grabbing the bowl. However, before she could do that, Sesshomaru picked it up.
She arched an eyebrow. He did not usually feed her.
What was he doing?
He dipped the spoon in the hot liquid and then, once the excess spilled over, he carefully brought it to her mouth. There was a moment of hesitation, especially when her eyes met his, but she did part her lips.
Kagome could not take many things for the pain, not with the pregnancy. That left her vulnerable to surge of torment and when they were intense enough, they transferred to him. As she had twisted her body, he had sensed the ping of agony in his own chest. For that reason, he preferred that she did not do any unnecessary motions. Plus, her current state was nothing compared to when she had first moved in. He could not understand why it seemed to displease her this much. There was something off about her attitude, but he could not quite figure it out. Then again, he should not comment on her unusual behavior; he was worse.
The air was thick while he finished feeding her. He was near the end of the bowl when she raised a hand to stop him. "If I eat any more, I'll be sick." The pain was making her stomach churn and she did not want to push her luck. She had a feeling that the contractions needed to vomit would be less than ideal at the moment.
Morning sickness.
Uh. She had none of those yet. Then again, she knew what her luck was like. This would be a hellish ride. Sesshomaru appeared quite confident about the whole matter, but she could not share his optimism. Had she not say that she would be a terrible mother? This kept proving her right. But it was too late to take back the deal, too late to back track and never try. The baby was here and she had to protect it with everything she had. It was hard to do in her current state, but she would try.
Goodbye classes. Goodbye work.
She had finally gotten her life down to a normal routine and it was all out the window. She was supposed to work at the beginning of her pregnancy... Maybe some classes were salvageable. She could do some work from her bed.
"Do you wish for a bath?" He said, breaking the silence. "One of the nurses suggested it might help with the pain."
A bath? It did sound good. Did he have bubble bath? Stupid question. Sesshomaru did not have bubble bath. Although that mental picture did put a smile on her face. "That'd be nice."
He put the bowl back down and nodded. Without a word, he exited the room and she sighed.
Kagome took advantage of that quiet time to run a hand down the covered skin of her stomach. There was life growing inside of her. Her body used to be broken, a representation of death and now, it was host to a life. It was helping making something. Something that was half her, half Sesshomaru. Who thought that would ever happen? Even when he proposed to mate her she never thought it would come down to this. They were about to form a real family. No matter what happened, there would always be something tying her to him. Though, if something happened and forced her away from him, it would be because he wanted it.
She had feelings for him.
Feelings he was torturing with his recent closeness.
He was never mean to her, he always helped her, but - but this was different.
Everything he did before was out of obligation. Now, she wondered if there was not something else. He lingered, he touched her when he did not have to, he helped more than necessary and it was slowly killing her inside. She did not know if he could be that kind of person and be comfortable in that situation. This was just a tease, a hint of a life that could be, but would never be. Except, her heart was stupid and it was easily fooled. She could stand on her own two feet, and pulled through this. Although she lost her will to fight, her energy, she could always live even if she was by herself.
But - he made it easier. Hanging on to him, knowing he was there to catch her? It made it much more bearable. Loneliness had wrapped around her back when she thought all that was left was death. The fact that there was someone linked to her... it lifted a pressure off of her shoulders.
Still she realized how unfair it was. She should not rely on him. He was not responsible for her - she was an obligation that was imposed on him and nothing more. She closed her eyes, bringing herself back to reality. Again, it was unfair to ask him something he could not comfortably give. He was capable of some sort of loves - he loved Rin. She knew he would love their child. But love? The kind of love she knew existed, the one that she thought she would have one day? It was not in him and that was alright. She could not hold it against him.
Her thoughts were disturbed by Sesshomaru's re-appearance in the room. His sleeves were rolled up, probably to avoid wetting them as he tested the water. He marched towards her and bent over when he reached the edge of the bed. She wanted to argue that she could walk, but she knew it might be best to avoid unnecessary movements. She resigned herself and let her body become limp so that he could handle it better. He lifted her from the bed and automatically her head rested against his chest. She listened to his slow heartbeat while he walked her over to her lukewarm bath. Too hot would be bad.
He put her down on the closed lid of the toilet and she straightened her back. She expected him to rise to his feet, but he did not. Instead, he lowered himself to his knees and positioned himself between her legs. A breath remained stuck in her throat before she found her voice. "I can d-do it," she stuttered.
He was going above the need.
There was a flash in his eyes, one that indicated he wanted to go against her wishes, but he resigned himself. She gripped the edge of her white t-shirt and pulled it over her head slowly. Since she was not wearing a bra, she immediately revealed her breasts to his sight. Then, she lowered her hands and pushed down on her sweat pants, tucking her underwear down at the same time. She did manage to get them past her rear, but once it was time to get them all the way down, she was unable to bend over enough. It was then that he came in. He grabbed down and did the rest, tossing them on the ground. As she sensed he was about to grab her again, she simply put a hand on his shoulder and used that leverage to lift herself up. To be careful, she put a hand on the underside of her stomach.
He watched her go as she dipped a foot in the water and then the other. She put her other hand on his free shoulder and turned around so that she could lower herself. Once she was sitting in the water, she shifted and laid her back against the cold ceramic. She closed her eyes and let the water and calmness surrounding her relax her aching body. He watched her, her breasts half covered by the water, her short locks barely dipping backward. He inhaled and then reached forward to grab a cloth he had left on the edge of the bath. It was then that he was stopped by the soft touch of her fingers.
"I can do it."
His fingers closed around the purple fabric.
"You don't have to take care of me."
And he stopped moving.
Something had shifted in her tone. There was a hint of her old fire, the one she had displayed recently when he first took her. After her break down at the hospital, he thought it was gone, but no, it remained.
"I can do it."
"Very well."
She saw his eyes harden and return to a state he only wore before. Gone was the longing, gone was the craving. Instead, he looked at her with cold eyes while he rose to his feet. Her heart was stuck in her throat, cutting off her air supply as he walked away from her without a fight. It was the second time he was walking away from her. After he left her alone in that car… she knew. She knew she had to protect her heart. It was fine if it was just her, but it was no longer the case. She put a hand on her bare stomach and gently caressed it. Now there would be someone else with them and - she was already putting its life in danger. The less she could do was be strong. Sesshomaru's situation was a flux and she could not let herself get wrapped up in it.
She needed to put some distance between them.
She needed to do things on her own. He would help her, of course, since it was his child as well. But she did not know if she could keep on being selfish with him.
Her child needed her. It needed her to be a better person.
She did not know how to achieve this feat yet but she needed to stand on her own two feet. She could not let him wrap around her heart and take hold of her. She needed to close her eyes on the sweetness and little attentions.
And it hurt, it really hurt.
Her heart throbbed with pain and her head dropped. She let the water surround her and she finally took a deep breath, her whole body shivering.
How could such an happy announcement leave her so empty?
-R-
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