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• Mistakes	By : fallenangel7583 Category: InuYasha > General Views: 3455 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
  Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.

• Chapter List
  • 1-Mistakes
  • 2-Crawling in my skin
  • 3-Part of me
  • 4-somewhere i belong
• • fast_rewind
  • chevron_left
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
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  • fast_forward
• ~~ Mistakes ~~
  
  

  
  

  Chapter 3- Linkin park- Part Of Me
  

  
  

  me no own, so you no sue...we be happy!
  

  
  

  
  

  Part of me won’t go away
  

  Everyday reminded how much I hate it
  
  

  
  

  Silver hair stuck in clumps to the side of his face mixed together in sweat and blood. His brilliant golden eyes were screwed shut, his chest nearly splitting open with every breath he took. It hurt…god did it hurt. In his hand he clutched his sword…the one thing left in the world he knew he could trust. Taking in a deep breath that burned his chest, he let it out slowly, regardless of the pain he was in. he would not submit…he would not give in to him. Memories played like movies without sound through his mind, tearing pieces of him away with each painful smile, with each deadly touch. Snapping his eyes open, he was on his feet again in a matter of seconds. Raising his sword above his head, he clashed it with his brothers. With speed he forgot he had, he wielded the long silver sword with ease, he slammed it towards his brother’s head. “Submit!” the swords sang out as they clashed together, sparks flying in all directions, yet his brother remained standing, looking nearly as frazzled as he himself did.
  
  

  “In you’re fucking dreams!” the sword clanged against his again in an uncalculated move. He knew he was in the wrong. He jumped the gun, again.
  
  

  Sesshoumaru grinned as he countered his brother’s attack and whacked his hand with the flat end of his blade, sending Tetsusaiga to the ground with an echoing clang. He turned quickly on one leg and caught his brother in the jaw with his right foot, sending him flying into the nearest plaster wall. Finishing the turn with graceful precision, Sesshoumaru pushed the tip of Tenseiga into the floor and rested his weight on its hilt. With a deep composing breath, he closed his eyes and sighed. “What did you do wrong?”
  
  

  InuYasha was already on his feet and sheathing tetsusaiga. “Yeah, yeah, jumped the gun…put to much thought into battle. I know all of this, remember?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow and stood up straight. As his younger brother passed his side, he held out the sword, pointing the tip towards his brother’s left cheek. “did I say we were done?”
  
  

  InuYasha paused and turned his head to stare at his brother a little to quickly. He grazed the swords tip with his flesh, which split a moment later under the blade. Blood trickled down his face and he scowled. “Was that fucking necessary?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru gave the boy a small but very wicked smile. “You did not answer my question.”
  
  

  InuYasha backed a foot away from his brother and the pointy object in his hand. “We have the Rockefeller account today, remember? Three o’clock. It’s two twenty. Did you forget?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru blinked once then sheathed his sword on his hip. He ran his hands through his hair and then stared at the blood on his hands in slight horror. He glanced at his brother and frowned. “You got me worse then I thought.” He waved his hand off, spilling some of the blood on it to the floor. “We are a bloody mess. Clean up and meet me in the board room.”
  
  

  InuYasha flipped him off and walked from the room towards the locker room. Though he had to admit, these fighting sessions helped his rage; it didn’t cure what he wanted it to. It didn’t numb the pain.
  

  
  

  
  Weighted against the consequences
  

  Can’t live without it so it’s senseless
  

  
  

  InuYasha stepped under the stream of hot water and put his head up to meet the liquid. Feeling it fall over him, he could feel the blood drip down his face, his arms, and his chest and turn the floor of the pristine white shower red. It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last. He scrubbed himself down and washed off, trying to keep his mind focused on the day ahead. He stepped from the shower, cleaned yet unclean. Soothed from the water yet not from his pain. He ran his black towel over his face and shook his head, spilling the free water from his hair over the walls. He stared in the mirror on the wall and sighed. Calling to no one but the man staring back at him, he ran a hand through his hair, “five hundred and four years and you still look back at me like you’re waiting for something.” He growled and dropped his gaze to the sink in front of him. ‘Five hundred and four years…alone…with this pain.’ He closed his eyes and slowly turned to put his back to the wall. He slid down the cold cement surface until connecting with the floor. He pushed his head against the cement and swallowed hard. His hand automatically drifted to his chest and he grimaced. Sometimes he felt it still…somewhere under all the blood and tissue…bone and muscle…sometimes he still felt it pulsate….sometimes he could still feel it beat. ‘Can a dead heart beat?’ he clenched his hand into a fist and growled.
  

  “Focus it.”
  
  

  InuYasha didn’t need to open his eyes. He knew his brother was standing there. He growled again and slammed his head backwards into the wall. Sure, it hurt like hell, but not nearly as much as the memories that flashed in front of his eyes. “Why?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru walked back towards the lockers a few feet away from his brother and fished a shirt out of his locker. Sliding a white undershirt on over his head, he called back to the younger version of himself sitting against the wall in obvious agony. “You need to channel your anger to use it, possess it. It’s your tool in the word InuYasha. It’s your life force.”
  
  

  InuYasha growled again and dropped his hands to his knees and hung his head. “I meant why did you do it? Why call me back to this miserable existence?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru buttoned up his black collared shirt and ran his hands through his hair. “Because it was not your time to die.”
  
  

  InuYasha coughed and snapped his head towards his brother. “The fuck it wasn’t.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru glowered at the boy for a moment before shutting his locker. “You can choose not to believe me, yet I speak the truth. It was not your day to die.”
  
  

  InuYasha narrowed his eyes then stood slowly. “To bad…I died that day anyway.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru put on his shoes and then grabbed the gold ring out of his locker. He took one more look in the mirror on the wall before sliding the band over his finger. His beautiful silver hair became midnight black, his purple half crescent and two red stripes vanished beneath the surface of his pale skin. His amber eyes turned to a very light crystal blue, the kind that one would see in the water of the Caribbean islands. He began pulling his hair back into a braid and gave his brother a small frown. “You are here today, are you not?”
  
  

  InuYasha walked to his locker and pulled out his Armani suit. Sliding into the pants, he turned and stared at his brother. “a part of me is here, yes. Ask me if I feel whole.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru slammed his door closed and stared at InuYasha. “Ask me if it is relevant.” He put a hand on his brother shoulder and slowly stated, “I saved you, brother, because I realized that you gave your life in an act of bitterness. You acted out in passion…for passion lost. What you did was foolish and I would not stand for it.”
  
  

  InuYasha sighed and pulled on his shirt. “You told Miroku you would not revive one who did not wish to live.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru nodded once and sat down on the wooden bench. “I realized that night, when digging your grave, that you had snuffed out your own life to early. InuYasha…the first is always the hardest. You cannot simply give up living though because you’re heartbroken.”
  
  

  InuYasha rolled his eyes and put on his tie. He grabbed an onyx ring from his locker and slipped it over his finger. Though his brother’s form was merely hidden behind the cloak of a human face with his ring, Inuyasha’s called upon his human side to overtake his Youkai. With his ring on, he was human. He watched as his hair went from silver to black, his eyes from gold to purple, and his strength from demon to weakling. He clenched his fist over the ring and frowned. “Heartbroken…no, Sesshoumaru…I was not heartbroken. I was betrayed.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru nodded once and picked up his brief case. “Betrayed? Maybe…maybe not. You were wronged, brother, yet betrayed? I know not.”
  
  

  InuYasha scowled at his brother before joining him next to his side and the pair walked from the locker room. “Do you get off talking in riddles?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru simply raised an eyebrow.
  

  
  

  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  

  
  

  
  Wanna cut it out of my soul
  

  And just live with a gaping hole
  

  
  

  Another glass…just one more cup might hold serenity from the day’s events…from the year dealings…from centuries past. One more glass might make the fall less painful. One more glass might make fifty stories seem like two. InuYasha dipped his foot over the surface, gazing out into the night sky. Even on the top floor of his penthouse, he could not see the stars. Through the darkness of night, he could see miles through the city…the lights of the wondrous mark of humanity on the earth. Yet, was it not more a blemish then anything…? It tainted the air, killed the land, and suffocated its people. Yet in the heart of it is where he thrived; in the heart of New York City was his resting place, it was his grave. He took another sip of the vodka in his glass and stared downwards into the windy abyss of night. ‘Would it hurt to fall so far…further then I’ve already fallen? I made that fall…years ago my soul plummeted this very depth…Sesshoumaru does not understand. Even though he revived my body…my soul is gone, dead among shadows. Sesshoumaru could not save me again. I would be dead…as I should be.’ InuYasha turned his face up towards the heavens and screamed. When he could not longer scream, he whimpered…he howled…he cried. Everything in him told him to jump yet his feet would not leave the building. He resorted to throwing his cup off the terrace and sneered as it shattered somewhere down below…it should have been him.
  
  

  InuYasha collapsed to the floor, his eyes hazy under the influence of fatigue and the whims of an intoxicated delusion. Life was nothing, a burden at best. He closed his eyes and let the wind blow through his hair. Tomorrow he would wake up, face up to his cathedral like ceilings…he would hear people whisper as he and Sesshoumaru stepped out of the limo that they wished for his life, his luck. Luck? Did they not see the curse? Could they not feel the aura around him? He was in hell and they wished to be him. Imbeciles.
  
  

  
  

  
  Take control of my life
  

  and wash out all the burnt taste
  
  

  
  

  “Every night you cry to the moon as if it could help you…as if it could save you. Why? Face your problems, InuYasha…”
  
  

  InuYasha blinked away the voice behind him. It was true…every night, when he was done drinking; he would stumble his way back here to contemplate jumping…to contemplate how wrong his life had turned. To loathe himself for how much he gave up. He swayed to the tune in his head…the tune of a precession…and watched the haze roll in with the morning air. “I sit here because I have nothing left.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru sat down next to his brother, Jack Daniels bottle in hand, and took a swig. “Why do you do it?”
  
  

  InuYasha turned slowly to stare at the older man then sigh. “Are you a fool, Sesshoumaru? My life…what do I have left in it? A half-brother who loathes me, a company worth billions of dollars and yet I cannot indulge in it because I am dead inside…what can the dead do with money? I have no use for it.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru gave the boy a small smile and shook his head slowly. “Every day I am more and more amazed at how much like me you have become. The difference…I am not afraid to live my life. You forget InuYasha…we have both loved and lost…it is a fact of life. Your miko…my Rin…they are both gone. And yet here you sit, wasting away your life on booze and sorrow. If you plan to end it, end it. I will not bring you back again. I will not put you through that torture. But InuYasha, all mistakes…no matter how despicable they are…should be rectified in time. It just takes a willing party. Who knows…maybe things are not what you think.”
  
  

  InuYasha stared long and hard at his brother before sighing and staring into his hands. “It took a decade for me to move from where you resurrected me, Sesshoumaru. What makes you think I can heal myself in five centuries?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru shrugged and took another swig of rum. “Ten years have come and gone fifty-fold.”
  
  

  InuYasha blinked then sighed. He snatched the bottle away from his brother, who willingly let it go, and took a long and hard gulp of the burning liquid. “Yet my heart is still shattered.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru took a deep breath and sighed. “Because you allow yourself to be. InuYasha, were you not heart broken when Kikyo pinned you to that tree?”
  
  

  InuYasha frowned, “that was a deception…a vile trick from a vile creature. Besides…she healed me. She allowed me to live, to love…to trust.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow and took back his bottle. “And what did you learn from those three attributes?”
  
  

  Inuyasha’s frown deepened, “that I was wrong.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru nodded once and folded his fingers together, putting the tips of them by his mouth. “Were you?”
  
  

  InuYasha rolled his eyes and stood up on wobbly legs. “Yes…I was.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru cocked an eyebrow at the boy but did not respond. Instead, he finished the bottle of Jack Daniels and threw it into the recycling bin halfway across the terrace from where he slouched. “You had me worried, you know.”
  
  

  InuYasha did a double take and narrowed his eyes, “what?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru barely contained his grin as he crossed his arms. “I brought you back, InuYasha…so that you would learn from your mistake. That you would not die for such a foolhardy idea like love. And yet you sat on my floor…staring at one spot on the castle wall, for ten years. I thought you nothing more then a soulless beast…and honestly I had to keep Jaken from killing you time and again, as well as myself. You just sat, even after tetsusaiga stopped pulsating…after it rejected your touch, you sat un-phased.”
  
  

  InuYasha nodded. “It was like I was seeing the past three years over and over. Each smile, each touch…” he clenched his fist and banged it into the wall. Leaning his head against the marble finish, he chocked back sobs that suddenly snuck up on him, “I…I just kept seeing all the fucking times I ran off with Kikyo…all the times I saw the heartache on her face…all the times I messed thing up. But you know, it was getting better…it was getting so much better between us. I don’t know why…why she would just leave…” he hung his head and shook it slowly. “I wondered for a long time if she had thought that I had left with Kikyo…but she should have known better. I told her…I fucking told Kikyo to keep her nose out of our business. Wasn’t that a good enough sign?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru merely shrugged and laid his head on the marble wall. “Humans are unpredictable.”
  
  

  InuYasha blinked, a slight glaze coming over his eyes. He stared sadly for a moment at the wall then back at his brother. “Three and a half years we were together Sesshoumaru. I knew…I knew I loved her two months in and yet after three years, do you think I ever told her? no…I kept my mouth shut for fear of hurting her…”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru shook his head and sighed again. “Emotions make you weak, InuYasha. I have trained you to know as much.”
  
  

  InuYasha shrugged and gently banged his head into the stone, “you can’t train me to forget…you can’t train me not to let it bother me.”
  
  

  “Five hundred years, brother, and you still cannot let it go?”
  
  

  InuYasha laughed wryly, “five hundred years and you have yet to kill me for it,”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow, “yet.”
  
  

  InuYasha shook his head and frowned. “Yet?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru put a hand on his younger brother’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Don’t let the memories destroy you.” he stood suddenly, letting go of his brother and turned to go into the pent house. Calling over his shoulder, he cleared his throat, “those years in AA fall short when you’re drunk on my penthouse rooftop, little brother. Maybe you should go back to counseling.”
  
  

  InuYasha scowled, “maybe you should shut your fucking mouth, bastard.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru smirked and walked back into his house, “half breed.”
  

  
  

  
  I made the problems in the first place
  

  Hang my head low ‘cause it’s part of me
  

  Ya hardly see right next to the heart of me
  
  

  
  

  The two brothers walked down West Broadway, perfect sync in step. Their black hair glistened in the sun and the Armani suits they wore gave them a rather FBI air. Turning the corner with precise timing, they marched down the streets of downtown Manhattan towards their nearest meeting on Wall Street. It was days like this, mid October days when the air was crisp and the sun was warm that they refused the limos. Sesshoumaru had once said that what little of the world that was left had to be enjoyed. InuYasha couldn’t have agreed more. Passing down the empty street, Inuyasha’s eyes fell on a familiar bar. Clearing his throat yet not breaking their pace, he nodded towards the bar as they walked on. “We should go there, after work.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru didn’t look at his brother but grumbled, “maybe,” before turning to stare at the scene next to him. In Inuyasha’s human form, he would never have picked up on it, but Sesshoumaru did. He grimaced as he narrowed his eyes. On their right there was a girl pressed against the door talking to a man who seemed to be the owner of the bar. The girl was dressed like she had crawled out of bed just to make it to the bar, her multicolored hair cluttered in her face. She seemed to be begging for a drink. He closed his eyes for a moment then returned his gaze set straight ahead. He knew it was her. He knew what he had heard. The conversation had been short between the girl that he had known as Kagome and the bar tender. She was begging to get in there early, offering things that made Sesshoumaru’s stomach flip at the thought of. She said she needed a fix…needed something to numb the pain. The bartender turned her away. Sesshoumaru blinked the flicker of sorrow out of his eyes. ‘So she is here…I thought as much. I could smell her…I could feel her aura. Does she know InuYasha lives? Would she care?’ He sighed again and returned his train of thought to the meeting ahead. No need to cause his brother more mental deterioration.
  

  
  

  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*
  

  
  

  
  Heard of me the routine scar
  

  New cuts cover where the old ones are
  
  

  
  

  InuYasha sat at the bar staring into his vodka. Sesshoumaru had declined getting a drink after the meetings, something about strategically planning for the future. Though his brother had somehow managed to mold him into a mini-Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha’s stubbornness always won over the battles, and tonight was no different. He wanted a drink…not to get trashed but to help him sleep. After a long time of trying and failing, he realized that he could not sleep unless he had some type of alcohol in his system. He needed it…he needed it to calm him, to sooth him. He couldn’t close his eyes without seeing her face while sober. She haunted him day in and out. Sure, he could have gone to the well to meet her when she left him in his time…he could have stopped her from sealing the well…but it had been her decision. It was what she wanted to do. She wanted to leave him…he let her. When that day rolled around four years ago, when he could have stopped her, he had drunk more then he ever had ever before. So much in fact that he had passed out for two days. It had not been the most pleasant of experiences, especially the after effects.
  
  

  A pool stick thumped down on the bar dangerously close to his hands but he didn’t flinch. Looking briefly over his shoulder, he glared at the owner. A younger guy, probably in his mid twenties with a shit grin plastered to his face, was at the other end of the stick. InuYasha thought for a moment about putting his head through the bar but decided against it. This new tavern wasn’t bad and he wasn’t in a big hurry to get kicked out of it. Sure, he had been flung out of many American taverns…but when they had been swinging doors made of wood, not steel. “You wanna play pool, boy?”
  
  

  InuYasha merely raised an eyebrow and took a swig of his vodka. He looked from the offending stick of wood to the owner and growled lightly.
  
  

  The other guy put his hands up in the air and laughed heartedly. “No offense meant…just seen you brooding and figured you could use a pick me up. My boys and me always play pool on Thursday nights. You just seem so damn pathetic sitting here sipping some hard shit…come play pool wit us…” he looked to InuYasha and stumbled for a name.
  
  

  InuYasha glanced again from the stick to the man then sighed. Holding out his hand, he tilted his head, “call me Yash.” He stood slowly from the stool and ordered a bud to walk with.
  
  

  The man seemed a little less stressed when he got an answer and held out his hand, “my name’s Pete…that there is Andy and Bobby.” He pointed to some rather gruff looking trash by the table and InuYasha scowled. Picking up a pool stick, he looked at it for a moment then sighed. Pete rounded the table and set up the balls. “You wanna put a wager on this little game, Yash? What do you say, twenty bucks for each ball?”
  
  

  InuYasha rubbed the tip of the stick in the blue chalk, all the time never taking his eyes off of the hooligan in front on him. ‘So that’s his angle, is it?’ he managed to hide his smirk. If he had learned one thing from living with Sesshoumaru, it was how to control his emotions. Being stoic, he had come to learn, had its advantages. He nodded once and looked to the pool stick. “Care to tell me the rules of your game?”
  
  

  The three men looked at each other, the ploy of swindling a poor drunk passed across their faces. Pete walked around the table and put an arm around Inuyasha’s shoulders. “Well, my friend, I’ll break and the ball that rolls into dere dem holes will be my color. The other kind is yours. If you drop the Q ball into dem holes, you lose your turn…and it’s an extra fifty dollars…got it?”
  
  

  InuYasha shook the man’s arm off and glared at him from the corner of his eye. “I think I can manage.”
  
  

  Pete broke the round with little precision and InuYasha let him win the round easy, coughing up three hundred dollars, making sure to flash the other bills in his wallet to the guys. It had its desired effect. Pete’s eyes lit up and he immediately offered him a chance to get back his money, double or nothing, cause Pete was, “such a great guy.”
  
  

  InuYasha walked around the table and studied the formation of the set. He was to break.
  
  

  Bobby hacked up something unruly and laughed, “Yo, you guys think Kaggie will be here today?”
  
  

  InuYasha paid little attention to them as he stared at the set. He glanced up and scowled. “You mind watchin your yappin…you’re messing up my shot.”
  
  

  Bobby laughed and hit Pete in his arm, “your money tree got a mouth!”
  
  

  InuYasha narrowed his eyes and made his shot, sending five solid balls into various different pockets. He could just about feel their jaws drop open. He grinned and shrugged his shoulders, “good shot I guess.”
  
  

  Pete huffed and leaned back into Bobby. “You’re whore, Kaggie? That ain’t her name, is it?”
  
  

  Bobby shrugged and laughed deeply, “fuck if I care…all I give a damn about is the fact that she likes it hard, likes me to smack her around and she swallows. So hey, I’m good with calling her whatever she wants me to…”
  
  

  InuYasha gripped the stick tighter as he made another shot sending two balls into the holes. He growled under his breath and glared at the two men. He did not like where this conversation was going. If there had been one thing, over all the years that had eaten away at him, it was men who abused woman for the sheer fact that they could. For a long time, he had sought out these men and beat the living shit out of them. Now he suddenly felt the familiar feeling that he was staring at a set of those types of men…those bastards. ‘I might be slightly intoxicated but I could take them out without breaking a sweat.’ He took another shot and listened closer.
  
  

  The slightly older of the three, Andy, sneered and took a sip of his Budweiser. “Told you to stay away from that cunt…from what I know, she’ll suck for a drink…took Dan out back the other night and gave him a real good time, ya know. He just covered her tab. But you gotta watch out, Mike tried to get her on the dance floor bout a week ago and boy oh boy did she clonk him one good. Right in the jaw…you know dem Japanese women pack a punch!”
  
  

  InuYasha completely missed the ball listening to their conversation. He backed away from the half wiped out table and stared at the men, disgust etching his face. He bit back his retort with fury in his eyes.
  
  

  Pete ignored the anger welling in his silent opponents eyes yet still missed his shot by a mile and threw the stick to the ground. “Fuck me! I’m getting bad with my old age!”
  
  

  Bobby sighed and sat back on the stool closest to the pool table. “Yeah, she can sure pack a fuckin punch all right. Hasn’t hit me…never got the chance. We’re in her bed the minute we get into her apartment. She lives in Battery Park, ya know. A rich bitch at that! Tell ya; she can knock my fuckin socks off in bed. She don’t seem to care come morning though…just always telling me to get out. Says she’s just trying to get rid of her frustration. Something bout some guy back home. Says she blames her family…something bout a shrine or some shit.” He shrugged and chugged the rest of his beer.
  
  

  InuYasha clutched the stick with all of his might and walked around the table. He leveled out his winning shot dangerously close to Bobby. He gritted his teeth listening to them trash the girl they were talking about. It was something he hated with a passion and that was gossip.
  
  

  Then three chain reactions occurred at once.
  
  

  Bobby opened his fat mouth. “Oh, I know what her name is now. Shit, it’s…Kagawhata….no….Kagome, that’s it.”
  
  

  The shot that InuYasha was lining to take suddenly took a new trajectory. The ball rocketed with such an intense force off the table and flew into Bobby’s left eye. Bobby flew backwards on the stool and howled in pain. InuYasha was on him in a second. He grabbed him by his collar and turned and thrust him into the wall. Holding him a good foot off the ground, the Five foot ten hanyou glared into the six foot three mans eyes. “What the fuck did you just say?” InuYasha was sure that the words were punctuated by growls…angry ones at that. He felt hot and cold all at the same time. His world had turned upside down with one mutter of a distant name…a name he had tried to avoid saying for five centuries. He tried to calm himself but his demon was bursting through the cracks in the onyx ring, threatening to kill this man in his hands. ‘There are a thousand girls in Japan with the name Kagome…calm down…there has to be some mistake.’
  
  

  Then it happened.
  

  
  

  
  And now I’m sick of this
  

  I can’t stand the sandpaper thoughts
  

  That grade away on my sanity
  

  I rather not even be then the man
  

  That’s staring in the mirror through me
  
  

  
  

  The door to the front jingled open and for some reason it was all that InuYasha could hear. He could feel Bobby’s friend’s hands on his arm, trying to pry their friend free. He could see their mouth’s moving yet to him, he couldn’t hear a single word being said. He was sure it was profane, whatever was being screamed. He could see the man in his grasp’s face turning blue, but it didn’t matter. She walked in the door. He didn’t need his senses to smell her, didn’t need inferred vision to see past the shell she had built around herself. He could see through her short multicolor….multicolor?…hair, past the sultry clothing she clothed herself in. he could see the girl in the short green shirt and white top with the smile that lit up a room…and it broke him over again. He dropped Bobby on the ground and glared down at him. “Don’t. Go. Near. Her. You hear me? You go near her again, I’ll rip out your fucking throat! Any questions?”
  
  

  Bobby scooted away from the demon and stood up with the help of his friends. “Dude, you’re fuckin nuts!”
  
  

  The insinuation fell on deaf ears. InuYasha had already put on his trench coat and was out of the back door in a flash. He pulled himself into the alley behind the bar and threw his back against the club’s wall. He stared straight ahead for what felt like hours. Sliding to the ground, he stared at the cold bricks unblinking. ‘She’s here…she’s been in the city all along…why, why is she here? What did she do to herself? Is that the new Kagome? Backstabbing heartbreaking bitch?’ he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to pretend like he didn’t see her…like he didn’t feel her presence. He felt the anger and rage for the last five centuries boil in his blood and threaten to explode. In a sheer act of anger, he tore the onyx ring off his finger and cast it deep into his pocket. Immediately, as if a chameleon torn from its environment, his hair that was tucked in a neat braid became silver and unruly, his dead purple eyes gave way to become a fiery blaze of anger and unyielding pain. He stood for a moment, his fist clenched at his side, nails digging into his palms and he growled. He growled in anger, in frustration…he growled in pain, in torment. He saw her…he saw his Kagome. And it killed him.
  

  
  

  
  Cut myself free willingly
  

  Stop just what’s killing me
  
  

  
  

  InuYasha jumped up to the rooftop of the bar and perched himself on the cement blocks, staring down into the street. ‘Will she sense me? Will she know I’m here? Has she already come looking for me? Did she know I was living here in New York?’ the words that the men spoke of her…the degradations and rude comments swirled around in his head. Bringing up his clawed hands, he dropped his head into them. ‘No, Kagome would never…my Kagome would never stoop to that! She wouldn’t…. no…she couldn’t su…she….’ He took a deep breath, trying to remember to breath throughout the entire ordeal. A part of him was screaming…screaming in memories, screaming in remorse, in anger and regret. A part of him wanted to storm back into that bar and ream her out for leaving him in the past, for abandoning him…for killing him. Another part of him wanted to run and not look back, to get as far away from the building as he could…to never return to the emotional mess he had put himself within in the first place…that was what he needed, to get away. But his legs would not move. He sat staring off at the entrance to the club and could not move to do anything about it. His legs were stiff, frozen to the rooftop. So he watched…and he watched. Memories flowed like a river around his mind, wrapping around his eyes and twisting his brain. Images…memories of laughter, of smiles, of good times, of journeys, of hardships, of tears, of sharing dreams, of sharing nightmares…of being with her, racked his brain. Was he going to be okay after seeing her? Only time would tell.
  

  
  

  
  Cut myself free willingly
  

  Stop just what’s killing me
  
  

  
  

  It was a little over three hours before she left the bar. He watched her from his stationary spot on the top of the roof, his gold eyes piecing through the blanket of night. He watched as she stumbled her way down Chambers Ave and he slowly stood up. Watching her make her way, he decided to do something he had yet to do since moving to the city so many years ago; stretch his legs. Taking off with speed that he long forgot he possessed, he leapt from rooftop to rooftop following the girl under the cloak of darkness. Finally settling on a roof across from the building Kagome entered, he watched and waited. For what felt like hours, he watched the building waiting to see a light turn on in the dim apartments. Finally a light near the top of the building turned on and his eyes lit up. He jumped from the rooftop deck he was at across the street and settled in on a balcony close to hers. He watched her balcony carefully as if waiting for her appear.
  
  

  ‘Kagome…’
  
  

  “InuYasha.”
  
  

  InuYasha blinked rapidly as the door to her balcony opened and the girl walked out of her apartment. ‘She knows I’m here?’ he held his breath in uncertainty. She walked to the railing of her terrace and traced the beam with her fingers. He felt his breath catch in his throat as he leapt from a terrace across from her to the one above her. ‘Can she sense me? Does she know I’m here?’
  
  

  Kagome leaned over the banister and she sighed deeply. Staring off into the skyline of the city, she cried out, “why me? If InuYasha lived today…would he recognize me? Would he be ashamed? God InuYasha, why did you leave me? Why did you leave me alone? Why…why didn’t you go with her? Why did you let him kill you?” in her hand was a bottle of absolute, which was halfway empty. She finished it off in a matter of seconds and threw the bottle back inside of her apartment. She threw her head back and let the wind blow through her short hair.
  
  

  InuYasha coughed and leaned over the railing. Gazing down at the girl below him, he once again felt emotions wash over him like waves on a shore. He inhaled sharply and scowled. ‘She’s plastered…and I mean, she is beyond wasted.’ He leaned closer, staring intently on the girl below him.
  
  

  Kagome sighed and then chocked back on a sob. A look of set determination overtook her face as she tightened her hands on the rail. With a hop, she planted her feet on the metal beam and stood up, overlooking the deadly drop. She threw her arms out to her side and threw her head back. Screaming into the night, her voice pierced Inuyasha’s ears…and soul. “I’m sorry…”
  
  

  InuYasha jumped the rail of the balcony and leaned down to watch what she was doing. With a morbid curiosity, he let his lips form a thin line as he listened and watched her…the gasped. The last thing he expected her to do…the last thing he ever thought possible. The girl flung herself forward off the balcony. InuYasha jumped over the edge of his railing, falling behind her. He grabbed her wrist and with his other hand, clung onto a banister. Flinging her behind him, he threw her onto the terrace before landing behind her. When her body connected with the floor, she was out cold.
  
  

  InuYasha carefully approached her and knelt down next to her. He wanted to block out the familiar smells of her hair…of her body…he didn’t want to remember. He didn’t want to remember what it felt like to be with her, to talk to her, to hold her. He didn’t want to remember anything. Yet here he was…with her…unconscious…on a terrace of a building in New York City. ‘What’s the odds?’ he grimaced as he slowly worked his hands under her body and lift her against his chest, holding her bridal style. He leapt up the two stories that they had fallen to her building, cradling her against him. He opened the door with his foot and slowly entered her house. His eyes widened as he took in the surroundings.
  
  

  Her floor was cluttered with empty bottles of alcohol. Clothes were strung about, mixed with books and newspapers. The room looked as if it had not been cleaned in over two months. He grimaced as he pushed clothes off her bed and then slowly placed her in the bed. He slowly reached down, with one hand, and cupped her cheek. Her face was flushed from the cold winds of night and her body was freezing. He brought up her down-blanket from the foot of her bed and wrapped it over her body. He very slowly traced her jaw line with one finger, his eyes softening with a sudden rush of old feelings. What felt like for the first time in years, he could feel his heart beating, and it was a wonderful feeling. He felt a smile slip to his lips as he stared at her sleeping form. The smile soon faded, like all things, as he traced over her eyebrow ring cautiously. “What did you do to yourself?” he sighed and leaned down and pressed his lips gently to her forehead.
  
  

  For a moment, he could feel her pain…for a moment, like a flash of lightning; he could see everything so clear, so crisp. She had felt betrayed; she thought he had…left her? He sighed and shook his head slowly. ‘God what did she do to herself? She looks so…different.’ He ran his hand through her hair and fell to his knees next to her bedside. ‘Kagome…why…she tried to kill herself…she actually would have done it if I had not been…’ he leaned down and brushed her bangs from her face. ‘I broke my promise. I promised to protect her…i…I let her turn into this…I let her hurt herself. All these years…all my anger…she didn’t leave me, she thought I left her.’ a numb pain shot through his chest and he fell backwards to sit on the floor. ‘She must have heard me talking to Kikyo that day…she must have thought I really did leave her. That I was going to go to…’ his eyes welled with unshed tears as he looked at his fallen angel, lying so peaceful in her bed. He wanted to hold her, to rock her, to tell her that he was okay and that it was all going to be okay. But would it…was it going to be okay? Rising back to his knees, he brought his nose to her cheek. Nuzzling her skin lightly, he kissed her forehead again. ‘I will protect you Kagome…I will protect you from yourself.’ He stood up and walked on shaky legs to the other side of the apartment. Locking her door, he walked back to the terrace door. Looking over his shoulder, he gave the sleeping girl a fleeting glance then dove off the end back into night in which he had come.
  

  
  

  
  Cut myself free willingly
  

  Stop just what’s killing me
  
  

  
  

  InuYasha got back to the apartment around three thirty in the morning, more sober then he had ever been. Normally when he got home at this hour, he trashed part of the house before threatening to throw himself off the roof…or Sesshoumaru threatening to do it for him. He walked quietly through the house before pausing at the studies door. One thing about their penthouse apartment was that it had nearly as many rooms as their mansion in Versailles. Five bedrooms, a family room, a den, a study, and three full bathrooms…it was perfect. He pushed the door of the study open to find his brother asleep behind his mahogany desk with ‘war and peace’ resting on his desk. ‘Was he waiting up for me?’ InuYasha rolled his eyes and picked the book up off the desk and looked over the cover.
  
  

  “Even when you’re drunk, you would never be able to comprehend the meaning behind the words.”
  
  

  InuYasha blinked then looked at his brother whose eyes were still firmly closed. He sneered then looked to the electric fireplace on his right. “I was just thinking how great a book like this is, while sitting in front of a fire…you know, can keep a fire going to hours with it!”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru snapped open one eye and in an instant, had ripped the book away from his brother’s grasp. “You will do no such thing, baka. This is a first edition and is worth insurmountable money.” He paused and sniffed in his brother’s direction. Straightening his back, he scowled at the boy, “you do not smell like alcohol…but…a woman….” His eyes widened and he sunk back into his chair. “I see you found her then.”
  
  

  Inuyasha’s eyes widened in shock, then in fury. He slammed both of his hands down onto the desk and screamed, “you knew she was here?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow and clicked his teeth, “temper, temper, InuYasha…know your place.”
  
  

  InuYasha pulled back and gave his brother a small frown, sarcasm dripping from each word. “I forgot…emotions make us weak…forgive my irrational logic.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru stood slowly from his chair and pulled at the collar of his shirt, settling the polo back into place. “No need to be an ass, InuYasha.”
  
  

  InuYasha walked around and stood a foot from his brother. “How could you not tell me? You knew…you knew Kagome was here and yet you said nothing!”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow and tilted his head to his right shoulder, “interesting.”
  
  

  InuYasha growled back, “What’s that?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru crossed his arms and gave InuYasha a hard glare, “for five hundred and four years, you have avoided saying that woman’s name…you feared saying her name for the memories it would stir inside of your heart. Yet now you can bark out her name without fear…without a glimmer of sadness in your eyes. Have you forgiven the wench that ripped out your heart that easily?”
  

  
  

  
  Cut myself free willingly
  

  Stop just what’s killing me
  
  

  
  

  InuYasha froze on the spot, his back going ridged. “I…I don’t know. I know what I saw though, and she seems to be almost as bad off as I am.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru huffed, “says the billionaire playboy.”
  
  

  InuYasha growled but let the statement die. “Look…have you seen her? Have you talked to her?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru ran a hand through his hair and put the book back into the shelf behind the desk. Keeping his back turned to InuYasha he answered, “no…I have not. I have avoided speaking with her or anyone affiliated with her.” he paused and sighed heavily. Placing his hands on the bookcase, he leaned forwards and hung his head towards the shelves away from his brother. “We passed her today…this afternoon…on the way to the meeting. I recognized her smell…but InuYasha…the girl I saw was nothing to the girl you knew….”
  
  

  InuYasha merely nodded. “I know…but when I felt her enter the bar, I knew her presence. I could see right past the hair cut and clothes…I could see the Kagome I knew…the Kagome I….”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru turned around and glowered at the boy, his voice slightly raised in a very un-Sesshoumaru fashion. “Don’t say it!”
  
  

  InuYasha blinked and sighed, dropping into one of the leather chairs. “why? Why should I not say it?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru leaned against the wall and crossed his arms across his chest, “she abandoned you…”
  
  

  InuYasha blinked, “because she thought I abandoned her!”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru growled, “she sealed the well…”
  
  

  InuYasha threw his hands up into the air, “because she thought I went to hell with Kikyo! Probably thought what she was doing was for the best!”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru shook his head, “so you now stand up for her actions? I’m sorry that you are so fast to forgive her, InuYasha…I’m sorry that you are ready to line up and get your heart shattered again.”
  
  

  InuYasha sighed and closed his head. Dropping it into his hands, he took deep rugged breaths, “I don’t know Sesshoumaru...i don’t know what to do anymore. I love her…I always have…that will never change. But…I mean…she…she...”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru stood upright and frowned, “how did she handle your appearance?”
  
  

  InuYasha paused and glanced at the lack of ring on his finger, “she…didn’t …know I was there. She…she uhh…tried to jump off her balcony. I was there in time to stop her.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow and his frown deepened. “So she wishes for death as well?”
  
  

  InuYasha closed his eyes, the disturbing picture of her current state plaguing his mind. “You haven’t seen her…she’s a mess…she…she changed everything, looks so different. I would never have…thought…”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru nodded once, “I know…I saw her…I saw what she had become.” He ran a hand over his face and his frown deepened, “InuYasha…when I saw her, she was begging for a drink…for a chance to get just one sip of Sake. Do you really wish to associate with someone of that caliber?”
  
  

  InuYasha blinked again then stared at his brother. Standing slowly he closed his eyes. “I don’t know what I want.” He walked from the room and without another word went up to the terrace.
  

  
  

  
  I feel it everyday
  

  I feel I made my way
  

  I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
  

  Swallowing me
  
  

  
  

  InuYasha sat on the roof until the sun came up. he sat pondering the meaning of life…he pondered what he had missed in the last four years of her life…what she went through, what she thought…how she acted, what changed. He wondered how her brother looked as a young man, wondered if her grandfather was still alive…how her mother was faring. He thought of the young girl, once so innocent, so full of life…and then he saw her. The girl he put to bed last night, the barest form of the girl he had known years prior. For a long moment, he wondered if she was but a dream. Yet her scent was on him…on his shirt, on his hands. It was a scent that he would never tire of. He had been a fool…for so long he had tried to put off his feelings for her, pushed her away from him with cruel words or harsh actions. She had tried, he had come to realize, so many times, to make things right with him, to make him love her and he gave her the cold shoulder.
  
  

  Yet when Kikyo came around…he dropped whatever it was he was doing to see her. He put his pack in danger because of her…because of Kikyo. ‘No wonder why she thought I went to hell with her!’ he sighed and ran a hand through his black hair. ‘ All these years of hatred…I should have been waiting for her…I should have greeted her when she tried to seal the well. Instead I moved to America…to get as far away from her as I could. She was my angel…mine to protect and I let her down…I let her turn to these things…’
  
  

  
  

  
  It can’t be frightening if you’ve never felt it
  

  Once it’s been dealt with
  

  you feel like you’ve been touched
  

  by something angelic
  
  

  
  

  A cup of coffee brought him out of his thoughts as it was thrust under his nose. Turning quickly he found Sesshoumaru sitting next to him in the iron patio chairs. The brothers sat in silence and watched the sun rise over the Atlantic Ocean…over the city that never sleeps. Only after the sun was over its horizon did Sesshoumaru speak. “I’ve watched many sun rises…many of them I watched with Rin from the top of our house in Kyoto.”
  
  

  InuYasha nodded solemnly.
  
  

  Sesshoumaru took a sip of his coffee, sadness brewing in his eyes. Though the demon would never dare to show the emotion on his face, InuYasha could feel it…he could feel waves of regret and tension rolling off his brother. “There are things in life I regret, InuYasha. Many things indeed. I regret not making Rin continue to drink my blood to prolong her life…I regret not realizing that I did have a blood brother earlier on my life…and for the longest time I regretted brining you back to life.”
  
  

  InuYasha turned in sheer shock to stare at Sesshoumaru. He was surprised that he managed not to drop his coffee. “What…you what?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru sighed and put his coffee on the tiny glass table that graced the brick terrace. “Did I stutter?”
  
  

  InuYasha sat back and stared at his brother, his fierce golden eyes glowing bright in the morning sun. “I don’t know what to tackle first…you…you think of me….” he sighed and ran both his hands through his hair and let his gaze fall to the floor. “You think of my as a brother?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru managed to conceal his snide grin and nodded once, “you are my blood brother, are you not?”
  
  

  InuYasha gave him a small smile, “yes…yes I am.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru raised his eyebrow, “then why are you shocked?”
  
  

  InuYasha frowned, “bastard. You know why I’m shocked…you have never said…you have never looked at me as…your family.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru blinked once then sighed heavily, “I…that is…InuYasha, these past five hundred years have been difficult for both of us. I realize now…I realize that you are our father’s son, maybe more so then I am. I stopped letting emotions run my life…after mother passed. I remember crying at her burial…and do you know what father said to me? He told me to be strong, to not let my emotions run my life.” He gave a rather minute smile and shook his head slowly, taking a mouthful of his coffee, “he also told me crying is for wenches and worthless men.” He blinked and put the coffee back on the table, “I have used that knowledge for seven centuries and do you want to know what I found?”
  
  

  InuYasha nodded once, “hai.”
  
  

  “That he was correct. But what he failed to instill upon me…what he failed to clarify was that sometimes emotions are needed; emotions of love, of hate…of anger and of passion need to be expressed. The rest can be controlled to their proper extent. I’ve tried to teach you this over these past years but much like father, you’re stubborn.”
  
  

  InuYasha grinned and sipped his coffee. “This is the most open I think you have ever been with me, Fluffy…I feel loved.”
  He grinned and made the motion to wipe a non-existent tear off his cheek.
  
  

  Sesshoumaru let loose a rather deep growl and sneered, “I will throw you off this roof, half breed, if you refer to me by that title again.”
  
  

  InuYasha laughed and laid his head back on the iron chair. “Hai, I understand.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru turned and gazed out at the city and fell into silence.
  
  

  InuYasha watched Sesshoumaru and he frowned after a moment. “You miss her, don’t you?”
  
  

  Without hesitation, Sesshoumaru responded, “with every beat of my heart.”
  
  

  InuYasha shook his head and took another sip from his mug. “Why wouldn’t she continue drinking your blood? Why did she choose death?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and clenched his fists, “she outlived any human…she lived two hundred years InuYasha but her body was beginning to give out. Though the blood continued to flow, her body began to loose its agility, its abilities. The more blood she drank the further into depression she fell. I do not pretend to understand it…I do not know why…but she gave up. She said she was in pain, that was enough for me to know.” He turned slowly to InuYasha, “creatures like you and me, we were meant to be soulless, to prowl the streets at night and feed off children’s nightmares. We were meant to be demons…to be the hated monsters of the world. We were not meant to love. Humans were not supposed to be our mates. And yet…both you, father, and I…we fell for them regardless of customs…of popular belief.” He sighed and looked at InuYasha, “do you know why I resented you for so long?”
  
  

  InuYasha blinked and shook his head no slowly. Never before had Sesshoumaru spoken so gentle, so…non-prestigious. It was as if he was speaking to InuYasha as an equal for the first time in his life.
  
  

  “Because you were father’s chosen child.”
  

  
  

  
  And then melted down into a pool of peace
  

  Cease to be the animal you used to be
  

  Remove the broken parts you know were wrong
  

  And feel the karma when the problem’s all gone
  
  

  
  

  InuYasha did drop his mug to the bricks this time, letting it shatter into a hundred pieces. Sesshoumaru didn’t flinch, he simply continued to stare into the city skyline, “father was destined to marry my mother, and it had been decreed when they were pups. Father mated with her for the family name, for the pure blood of his family genes. You…father chose your mother for his mate. He fell in love with her and married her after my mother had been dead for a little less than two centuries. He loved her…a love that surpassed reason and ration. You were the product of that joining. You were the child of their love…I was a child of destiny. To feel inadequate…to feel like I was merely a trophy…it angered me. The simple thought still boils my blood to this day.” He finished his coffee and set the mug on the table. “And then when father left you the sword of death…” his voice fell away and he stood up slowly, walking to the edge of the terrace. “I realize now…as I did five hundred years ago when you impaled yourself upon my sword…that tetsusaiga belonged to you…as did our fathers blood. You are a warrior InuYasha. You are our fathers son.”
  
  

  InuYasha stood up and took a step towards his brother, “as are you.”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru gave him a very small smile and nodded, “yes…I am.”
  
  

  InuYasha took another step towards him. He wanted to tell Sesshoumaru what it meant to him that he had taken him in for so long, dealt with all of his shit…he wanted to thank him for everything yet the words…he could not find.
  
  

  Sesshoumaru seemed to read the emotions playing across the hanyou’s face and he nodded once in understanding. He glanced at the distance between him and his brother and scowled, “if you touch me, I’ll will end your miserable life. Be warned.”
  
  

  InuYasha wanted to laugh but something else was bothering him. He turned and rested his elbows on the railing. “So that’s great and all…really…but why then do you regret bringing me back to life?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and breathed in the morning air. After a deep breath, the demon lord answered the hanyou, “Because I interfered. I knew why you wished to die…I knew why you wanted to leave this plane of existence. After all these years of watching you torture yourself, after watching you let yourself die every night in a drunken stupor, crying out to that wench and to the Kamis…I realized that I should have let you have your peace.”
  
  

  InuYasha stared at his brother then stood up shaking his head. “All right, this is to fucking strange. Who the hell are you and what the fuck did you do to my bastard brother?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru sighed and turned from the sunrise and walked towards the French cut terrace doors. “Half breed if it is indeed love you feel for this wench, despite what she has put you through, then go to her. Be with her.”
  
  

  InuYasha blinked and turned to stare at his brother. “Nani?”
  
  

  Sesshoumaru walked into the apartment without another word, allowing his brother to figure something out for the first time in his life.
  

  
  

  
  And then melted down into a pool of peace
  

  Cease to be the animal you used to be
  

  Remove the broken parts you know were wrong
  

  And feel the karma when the problem’s all gone
  
  

  
  

  InuYasha watched Kagome leave the bar from his rooftop dwellings. He followed her back to her apartment as he had been doing for the past three weeks. Every day was the same routine. Get up at seven, work till noon, practice with Sesshoumaru either hand-to-hand combat or sword fighting, work till five, get changed and go out into the night. Sesshoumaru had told him that he would be willing to buy him a batman costume if he were going to continue being a “chicken shit” and avoid talking to her, so if authorities ever spotted him, it would be even more humorous to read about. He cracked his knuckles looking at the piece of garbage she had brought home with her this night. Though the sheer thought of Kagome offering her body to these sacs of crap made his stomach churn, he never interfered until the opportune moment…or until they stepped foot onto the balcony. Tonight was no exception.
  
  

  As always, as soon as they entered her apartment, they began to strip each other of their clothes and paw at each other as they waded their way through the garbage in her room to her bed. He scowled and picked up a piece of gravel from the opposing roof. He snapped back and hurled the stone across the street with dead on precision and nailed the wood of her balcony door. The two lovers adventure ceased for a moment and InuYasha jumped to the balcony above hers.
  
  

  Every night he would wait for the asshole to get onto the balcony, then with demonic speed, would grab the guy and scare the living shit out of him and deposit him across the way from Kagome’s apartment. By time he would return, all of ten seconds later, she would be passed out on her bed. The repetitive nature of her actions made his blood boil…who was she to do such things? It was not his Kagome…he had to keep telling himself this. The girl he now protected, the girl whose life he could only watch from afar…this was a shell of the girl he used to know…a mere shed of skin of her. He could only guess that the Kagome he knew…the Kagome that smiled like the one in the pictures that were strung about sporadically on her walls…that Kagome died. Now he was forced from her life…held outside by an unbreakable barrier. He knew bits and pieces of what she thought happened. he knew what destroyed her…what ate away at the poor frail girl from the inside out. Some nights, when he would lock the door to prevent anyone from breaking in, he would hear her crying out in her sleep. Crying out to him. God how he wanted to go to her, curl her into his chest and rock her into a peaceful sleep. Some of those more rough nights, he would sleep on the balcony above hers…an abandoned apartment, probably belonging to some rock star on tour, just to catch a glimpse of her in the morning. It was those mornings that he understood why she was the way she was. So many mornings she would curse the light of day…plead for the Kamis to take her away. Each cry from her mouth pulled at his heart. Yet he could not go to her. What would she say? How would she feel if she knew? Would she accept him? Could he trust her? Those doubts alone formed the emotional barrier between the two. He would not help ruin her life anymore.
  
  

  Today, as it turned out for InuYasha, was different. As he waited on the balcony above to snatch away the offending asshole that dared to lay a hand on his Kagome, she went to the balcony before the bastard. InuYasha was leaning over the other railing when he recognized the scent. With a second’s veil, he managed to slip on the onyx ring in his pocket. Her eyes met his form in the night’s sky and she froze. For an awkward second, neither spoke. Kagome, standing on her terrace, InuYasha half hangs down off of the one above her and neither having a word to say.
  
  

  “Did you throw a rock at my window?”
  
  

  InuYasha blinked then cursed under his breath. If he had his demon senses, he would have been able to judge just how drunk the girl in front of him was. “no,” he lied.
  
  

  Kagome tapped her foot and turned in the light, trying to get a better image of the man cloaked in darkness above her. She crossed her arms and tried to give him a defiant stare. “You’re not Bon Jovi.”
  
  

  InuYasha chuckled then clapped his hands slowly. “You’re a quick one, ain’t ya?”
  
  

  He saw her freeze and he did the same. ‘Does she recognize my voice? After four years, can she still pick me out of a crowd?’
  
  

  Kagome cleared her throat and took a step away from the railing. “That’s supposed to be his apartment…what are you doing there?”
  
  

  InuYasha sighed in relief. ‘She must think I’m a thief or…damn.’ He laughed deeply again and threw in a western draw to his words, an accent he had used back in the early 1800’s when he and Sesshoumaru had lived out in the west. “I’m just looking after the place for him. Don’t want it getting to messy, ya know?”
  
  

  Her shoulders slumped and she tapped her foot impatiently. InuYasha could hear the catcalls of her night’s lover inside. “Do me a favor and stop throwing shit at my window. I don’t appreciate it. And don’t try to look into my windows…I’ll call the police.”
  
  

  He couldn’t stifle the growl that built in the back of his throat. He wasn’t going to be able to get the guy away from her. ‘Shit. I’m not going to let this asshole touch Kagome…I will protect her!’
  
  

  
  

  
  And then you start to see another piece of yourself that you can’t let be
  

  And that reason’ll last fight to free yourself
  

  Take it to the depths of the bottom of the well
  
  

  
  

  He shifted on the balcony unsure of what to do. He tapped his foot impatiently then growled. Thankfully, he had decided against Sesshoumaru’s idea of the batman costume and had worn a black sweatshirt and with him always came his shades. “Hey!”
  
  

  Kagome paused on her entrance back into her apartment and looked over her shoulder. “What do you want?”
  
  

  InuYasha winched at how dead her voice sounded. It was like pins in his heart, knowing deep down that he was the cause for her suffering. He swallowed his pride and took a step closer to her. “Do you think I can go through your apartment to get inside the building? I kind of…well…locked myself out of my place.”
  
  

  Kagome narrowed her eyes and stared up at him. With very defined disbelief, she repeated his words, “Locked yourself out?”
  
  

  InuYasha knew it was a horrible lie but he was not about to let her screw this sleaze ball. He had hit on Kagome a couple nights, more so recently, and every night InuYasha battled down his Youkai that demanded a sacrifice of the mans blood. InuYasha had watched this man leave the club with a different woman every night and if he wasn’t a walking STD then he didn’t know what was. “Yeah, I left my keys inside when I was…watering…his plants…and I guess the terrace doors lock behind us.” ‘God she’s going to think I’m a thief and she’s going to kill me.’ he had seen the glint of anger in her eyes before, and it was right before she sent him to the ground with that god damned word.
  
  

  To his utter shock, Kagome gave him a waning smile, “yeah, they do that sometimes. If you can get down here…you can cut across into…”
  
  

  She didn’t need to say anything more, with movements of a professional gymnast; InuYasha hurdled over the rail of the upper balcony. He heard her scream before he landed on her rail. He had long since put his hair under his hood and put his glasses on. He watched as her eyes widened a little and she took an instinctive step back. ‘At least she’s on the ball still.’ He gave her a wide grin and shrugged, “sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”
  
  

  She did a quick one two of his outfit and blocked her door. “Care to tell me why you’re wearing sun glasses at night?”
  
  

  ‘Shit.’ His mind whirled with possible explanations. “They’re prescriptions. I lost my normal glasses and am now stuck with these god awful things.”
  
  

  Kagome crinkled her nose but made her way into her room. “Don’t mind the mess, the door is in the hallway.”
  
  

  Immediately, her suitor of the night had his arms wrapped around her waist. “I was waiting for you baby…who are you talking to?”
  
  

  InuYasha walked in and recoiled back a step. The man was half naked, only dressed in boxers and was…well…not fitting them correctly. He knew his tone darkened the moment he opened his mouth, “hey…aren’t you Greg…uhh…Greg from Moe’s...I see you there every so often.”
  
  

  Kagome pulled back and tapped her foot, pointing towards the door. “If you don’t mind…”
  
  

  Greg didn’t seem too happy about the intruder. “Who the hell are you?”
  
  

  Kagome put a hand on the brutes arm and kissed his chin, an action that made InuYasha clench his fist. “He was stuck on Bon Jovi’s balcony. I’m letting him cut through the hall.”
  
  

  Greg pulled back and glared at the boy. “ey, what were you doin…”
  
  

  InuYasha waved a hand at him, “can it…I just fuckin got trapped out there. I already told the wench….” His eyes widened, as did Kagome’s and he forced himself to continue talking; if he stopped now, the shit would hit the fan. “Why I was out there…I shouldn’t have to answer to you. Besides, you’re married…what the hell are you doing in here?” it wasn’t a lie…he had watched the businessman get to the bar every night, after Kagome was already there, and take off his wedding ring.
  
  

  Greg’s eyes widened and Kagome’s nearly popped out of her head. She turned immediately around on her heels and smacked the guy, hard, across his face. “You’re married?”
  
  

  Greg turned with the blow and raised his hand, “don’t fuckin hit me, bitch!”
  

  
  

  
  And now you know you can choose to lose the part in your heart
  

  Where your insides bruise
  

  You can live if you’re willing to
  

  Put a stop to just what’s killing you
  
  

  
  

  Kagome turned, ready for the blow but it never came. Turning back around, she found her intruder had Greg by his wrist, which was bent at a funny angle over his pathetic bald head.
  
  

  InuYasha wanted to rip the man’s bloody arm off. He would have if Kagome was not five feet away…maybe if she was ten feet, but not five. He brought his mouth to Greg’s ear and hissed, “say you’re sorry to the nice lady and that you won’t bother her again. Tell her that you’re a slime ball who has cheated on his wife with god knows how many women…and men.” He pulled a little harder on Greg’s wrist, feeling the brittle bones about to snap. “Say it!”
  
  

  Greg’s face blanched as he spurted out, “I’m sorry…yes I’m married…yes I’ve cheated on my wife…god who are you? Please, don’t hurt me…let me go…”
  
  

  InuYasha looked up to Kagome and gave her a small frown, “I’ll take the trash out, if you want me to. It’s on my way.”
  
  

  Kagome nodded once and opened the door for them. She watched as InuYasha pulled the man down the hallway.
  
  

  As soon as they were around the corner, he threw the man against the wall, holding him with one hand pinned. “Fucker, if you ever go around Kagome again, I’ll kill you, you got that?”
  
  

  Greg sneered back immediately, “what are you, her fuckin stalker?”
  
  

  
  

  
  Cut myself free willingly
  

  Stop just what’s killing me
  
  

  
  

  InuYasha slipped the ring off his finger and felt his claws first. So did Greg. They dug small holes; shallow holes, but holes nonetheless, into his neck.
  
  

  Greg gasped and began back peddling against the wall. InuYasha grinned an evil smile with a full set of K-9’s at the man. “If you ever even look at her sideways, I’ll find you, no matter where you are, and teach you the meaning of the word pain. You got me, you little cock sucking fuck?” he pulled back and back handed the man with his knuckles, letting him go with his other hand. He could feel the man’s cheekbone give way under his punch and watched the man fall to the floor.
  
  

  Greg screamed in pain and tried to crawl away from the savage in front of him. “no…please…dear god, lord Jesus…what are you?”
  
  

  InuYasha knelt down next to him, while sliding the ring onto his finger in his pocket. Instantly he looked human again yet still managed to give the man a sadistic smile, “Freddy-fucking-Kruger will look like a pussy cat next to me. Got it?”
  
  

  The man nodded and ran out the door faster then his legs would carry him. InuYasha stood up and wiped off his hands and slid back on his hood.
  

  
  

  
  Cut myself free willingly
  

  Stop just what’s killing me
  
  

  
  

  InuYasha threw his hood up and put on his shades with a new feeling building in his gut. A long dead feeling…a feeling he was sure he would never have again. Happiness. He walked out of the building with a smug look of content on his face before he felt a hand around his neck. With blinding speed, he was slammed back first into the concrete wall of Kagome’s apartment. Two iridescent blue eyes sparkled with threats of murder in the night’s moon. He felt hot breath on his neck and he grimaced. He couldn’t move his hands to get the ring off…he would have to handle this mugger the old school way.
  
  

  A growl warned him first, then the words followed, “Stay the fuck away from Kagome, you piece of shit!”
  
  

  InuYasha wasn’t ready for the blow…he wasn’t ready for someone to stay away from the person he was protecting either, but the blow was very brash. It connected with his jaw and sent his head snapping to the one side and his cheek scraping the skin against the concrete. He snapped his head back with complete shock, disgust and confusion lingering in his eyes. He knew that scent. “You got to be fucking kidding me!”
  
  

  He was dropped roughly to the ground and felt a rather familiar set of claws pressed against his throat. As the moonlight finally shined down his alley, he couldn’t help but to gasp. The man holding him down…or should he say Youkai…had changed since he last saw him. His hair was short cropped, and greasy. His clothes were modern, though he looked like he was doing similar surveillance on the Miko as well. Yet his claws were still as sharp as ever. InuYasha glared up at the demon, his face still hung up in shock. ‘of all the fucking places…’
  
  

  Kouga sneered at the man beneath him, “these aren’t play toys, Bub…they will fucking rip you a new larynx. Keep. Away. From. Kagome.”
  
  

  InuYasha reared back and kicked Kouga in the stomach and rolled backwards, jumping to his feet. Though he didn’t have his demon strength, he had his mouth. “Still trying to protect what ain’t yours, ay wolf shit?”
  
  

  Kouga paused mid step, his eyes narrowing to mere slits. “Who are you?”
  
  

  InuYasha grinned and pulled back his hood and ripped off his glasses. “Of all the fucking cities in this whole fucking world, why the hell did you have to land in mine?”
  
  

  Kouga took a step closer then took a very short deep breath of air. “Move into the light.”
  
  

  InuYasha swaggered forward; he couldn’t help the grin on his face. “Who are you to give me orders, you mangy wolf?”
  
  

  Kouga eye’s widened as he looked over the man in front of him. he turned a rather sickly white and grabbed onto the building to hold his weight. “Inu…InuYasha?”
  
  

  InuYasha gave the wolf a smile before slipping off the ring into his pocket. His body transformed and Kouga’s eyes looked as if they could have fallen out of his head. “In the flesh, flea bag.” He moved closer and narrowed his eyes, “why are you still hanging around Kagome, Kouga? After all these years, haven’t you tired of…” he took a deep breath then quickly recoiled, “pups?”
  
  

  Kouga gave a scornful laugh then shook his head, “how are you still alive, dog shit? Your brother wasted you five centuries ago…” his eyes suddenly became more serene… “Does Kagome know?”
  
  

  InuYasha leaned back and shifted his weight nervously, “no, Kagome doesn’t know…I want to keep it that way…yes, my brother killed me but he brought me back out of spite.” He took a deep breath then narrowed his eyes, “why the hell do you smell like pups?” his eyes widened and he took his moment to be horror stricken, “don’t tell me you fuckin spawned more wolves!”
  
  

  Kouga huffed and crossed his arms. “I moved on with my life, InuKurro. I married…hell, I have over five hundred…”
  
  

  Inuyasha’s face fell and he held out his hands in front of him, trying to block Kouga from finishing his sentence, “I really, really don’t want to know what you defiled to get five hundred whatever. Just stay away from Kagome.”
  
  

  Kouga smirked and slowly shook his head, a very serious undertone that InuYasha never knew the wolf could possess filtered through his eyes. “InuYasha…we may have our differences, but Kagome is no longer one of them…unless you make her one. I ran into her, if you’re wondering, the other day in midtown. I talked to her…she actually stayed with Aayme and me. She’s not herself, InuYasha. She’s nothing like the girl we used to know, that we used to fight over. She explained the whole well thing to me, and I’m glad cause everything makes sense now.” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair before leaning against the wall of the building and sighing heavily again. “she’s broken, InuYasha, in more pieces then you would ever imagine. I invited her to stay with us when I opened my fat mouth at things I should have let be. Look…you need to know three things. One is that she loved you…with all of her heart. I knew it back then and hated you for it…I was so jealous about it. Every time I came to bring her back to the den, I knew in my heart she wasn’t going to leave you but I had to try. She was in love with you the day I met her. to her, that was over eight years ago. Two; she thought you went to hell with Kikyo. She thought that you professed your love to Kikyo and agreed to go with her to hell, forgetting all about her. Something about ‘what other girl’, from what I made out from her sobs. She thought you abandoned her…that’s why she closed the well. To stop others from using it when you were dead.”
  

  
  

  
  Cut myself free willingly
  

  Stop just what’s killing me
  
  

  
  

  InuYasha swallowed hard and shook his head slowly. “you know…she tired to jump off her balcony the other day. Three weeks ago to be precise. Luckily, I felt the need to follow her home. Something told me to and I’m glad I did. She doesn’t know I’m around Kouga, and I want to keep it that way. I want to help her piece her life back together…”
  
  

  Kouga growled and shook his head. he began to slowly pace, pointing towards the door to the apartments, “you mean by startling away all of her suitors? They are only going to talk, InuYasha. They will run into her and think she’s possessed. You are underestimating Nigens. You’ll be lucky if they don’t think that she’s a demon and attack her. If you want to fix her, InuYasha, then do it yourself. Don’t sit back and play god over her life. Get up the balls and help her.” he shook his head and pointed a long clawed finger at him, “I’ll tell you what I tell all of those mother fuckers who try to get in her pants, if you hurt her I will hunt you down like the dog you are and kill you slowly. Got it?”
  
  

  InuYasha blinked then chuckled, shaking his head slowly, “the day I thought I’d get advice from you Kouga was the day I planned on rotting in hell. But your right…I can’t just sit around. I’ll talk to her…just give me my time. it hasn’t been easy on either of us. up until about three days ago, I had somehow convinced myself that she thought her duties to be done with us and had left me…just like everyone else in my life. That’s why i…” he sighed and closed his eyes, “tell me…was Sango okay?” the mention of the mere names of his long passed friends burned inside of him like a roaring fire, consuming all glimmers of hope in its path. It hurt like hell to think he turned his claws on them.
  
  

  Kouga studied Inuyasha’s face for a moment before slowly nodding. “yes…she was fine. Her and Miroku grieved over your death for some time. Miroku tried to talk Sesshoumaru many times that night into reviving you. he…he begged, InuYasha. He realized what Kagome had done and begged for Sesshoumaru to spare your life. That’s when Sesshoumaru left with your body.”
  
  

  InuYasha blinked then put a hand to his temple. “that night he brought me back. when I was able to move, he beat the ever living shit out of me trying to get me to extract my anger on him instead of the others. I didn’t move. I sat in the same spot for ten years. Ten long, long years thinking…remembering…wallowing. It was like being in a movie theater, unable to move from your seat, and being forced to watch home movies over and over until you are ready to break. And that’s what I did.”
  
  

  Kouga shook his head slowly, “and you’ve been in fucking New York City this whole god damned time?”
  
  

  InuYasha shrugged and kicked a stone lying on the floor. “me and Sesshoumaru came here in 1985…he had long had a branch of Tashio industries running here, but he came to supervise it. we got a pent house that has nearly upped its value ten fold. Been here ever since.”
  
  

  Kouga bitterly laughed and shook his head, “I should have guessed Sesshoumaru was the man behind Tashio industries. I have four sons who work in the cities branch of it. gotta tell them this one, they’ll love it.” he took a step closer to the dog demon and put a hand on his shoulder, “look, InuYasha, all differences aside, I really want you to sweep this girl off her feet and make her smile again. I miss her smile.”
  
  

  InuYasha nodded numbly, “me too, Kouga, me too.”
  
  

  
  

  Cut myself free willingly
  

  Stop just what’s killing me
  
  

  
  

  It took him a week to get up the courage to try to be in the same room as Kagome again. the last time…with her brown eyes staring at him, he had felt claustrophobic. It wasn’t until a couple hours after his talk with Kouga that he really broke down. On the roof of his penthouse, he watched the sun rise with tears glistening on his cheeks. He had been within reaching distance of her and yet was still not able to grab her, to hold her. Sesshoumaru had met him on the roof again, with a cup of coffee, and silently the two watched the sunrise then departed separate ways without a word. Nothing needed to be said verbally. The understanding and bond that had formed between the two brothers was something that InuYasha had just begun to understand and appreciate. He would never admit it to Sesshoumaru, not in a thousand years, but in his heart he knew he loved his brother. Sesshoumaru was his family.
  
  

  Now InuYasha had to tie another loose end. He had to fix things with Kagome. He had to get through to her…make her understand who he was. So he went to Moe’s and he waited. She was late…that worried him slightly, yet when she arrived, he understood. She was already drunk. She had plowed her way through the bar, ignoring the stares or the catcalls, and plopped down on a stool next to the disguised hanyou. He felt his heart falter and he coughed once. He had stood up and paced for a while, between the bar and the bathroom, trying to sooth his nerves. What was he going to say? What could he say? he watched her with a frown on his face as she swayed lightly on her stool. Finally he took a deep breath and sat down next to Kagome. At first, he thought she had passed out on the counter. He threw a quick glance at Moe, who ignored her, then sighed. He needed to fix her…he needed to fill the void in his life. He hurt…he hurt so bad watching her give herself up to these men. Pigs...all of them. not a single damned one deserved her. she deserved better. Whether or not she could find it in him was her decision, he just wanted to help.
  
  

  
  

  
  I feel it everyday
  

  I feel I made my way
  

  I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
  

  Swallowing me
  
  

  
  

  He took a deep breath and forced everything he had learned from Sesshoumaru into his voice…trying to keep a calm head with the fragile girl. “You know, the average male does not wash his hands after going to the bathroom.”
  
  

  Kagome blinked slowly and turned her head to stare at the stranger next to her. She managed to slur out, “That’s disgusting.”
  
  

  InuYasha grinned and shook his head slowly. Even while drunk, she still managed to get a grin to his face. Maybe it was just the simple fact that he was talking to her…he was talking to Kagome. He waited a moment then chuckled again when she did not sit up. ‘Leave it to her not to care about urine.’ The smile slipped from his face as he slowly blinked. ‘Five hundred years ago she’d have screamed like a little school girl and tried to run away to the river to wash it off. I guess she has grown up…’ he looked back to her and frowned. ‘But not this…there has to be more to her. Some type of job…career.’ Now that he thought about it, he never once saw her go or come home from work. He never saw anything business like in her apartment when he would lock the door. ‘How is she living in a million dollar house without a job?’ he sighed and frowned. ‘is that all she does? come here after she pulls herself out of bed and get drunk to go home with a stranger and do it all over again tomorrow? Doesn’t she bask in the sun, like she used to get excited about when we would stop at a beach? Doesn’t she want to go out to see the world, as she raved about? is there anything left in that girl of the Kagome I knew?’
  

  
  

  
  Alive in me, inside of me, a part of me screams away silently
  

  This part of me won’t go away, part of me won’t go away
  
  

  
  

  After a moment of realizing that Kagome has still not sat up, he frowned. “Are you okay? After knowing that fact, I would have expected you to catch onto the idea that the average man also sits at this bar with his hands all over the table. ” he tilted his head to measure her response.
  
  

  Kagome laughed mockingly at InuYasha then quickly added, “do you think I really give a rats ass?” she rolled her eyes and InuYasha scowled. Suddenly her face contorted to a form of primal rage and in a mere second, she shot glass the she had been tapping off shattered to pieces in her hand. InuYasha fought the urge to grab her hand and merely glared at her. “Fuck…” she threw the glass down and brought her hand a few inches from her face to try to examine the wounds. “I hate it when it does that.”
  
  

  InuYasha opened his mouth to speak yet found no words to come out. ‘She curses worse then I do! What the fuck?’ he licked his lips trying to find the right words but only gave up moments later and stared at her slack jawed. After an awkward second of watching Kagome stare at her hand as if it were a detachment of her body, he grabbed her wrist gently. If she wasn’t going to take care of her wound, then he sure as hell was. He reached into his black blazer and pulled out a handkerchief that he had carried with him when he went into the office. Something Sesshoumaru had suggested, though he never fully understood it. Very carefully, with the limited skills of human hands, InuYasha managed to pull a sliver of glass from one of her larger cuts then gently wrapped it around her hand with an almost adoring touch. Holding the pressure, he stood slowly off his bar stool. “You should get to a doctor…those wounds could be infected.”
  
  

  Kagome huffed and made no effort to move. “Like everything I touch?”
  

  
  

  
  Everywhere I look around I see how everyone ought to be
  

  Every time I see myself there’s always something wrong with me
  
  

  
  

  InuYasha chocked back a sigh and fought to keep from pulling her into a hug. To know she considered herself dead was one thing, to understand why she felt this way, to see it in her eyes and hear it on her voice, was another. He wanted to scream…he wanted to bang his head into a fucking wall. He just wanted to see her smile again. Something inside of him felt like, at that moment, he was dying along side of her. InuYasha stared at Kagome for a moment before sitting back down, his eyes seemingly colder then before. He could feel the icy waves rolling off her person. She didn’t want help, she didn’t was salvation, she wanted death. “Whatever you say. It’s a thought.”
  
  

  Kagome raised her eyebrows then closed her eyes, “it sucks.”
  
  

  InuYasha winched at her words internally. He knew she was stubborn much like him but to hear it in those blatant of statements, god did it burn his heart. ‘She doesn’t care…she just wants to live the life of a shell until it kills her. She’s looking in all corners for death.’ He shook his head and sighed, trying to change to looming subject that was bound in his head. All he kept seeing though was the girl he used to know staring in wonder at this new person…this new girl. They were nothing alike. His Kagome…the one he loved…was dead.
  

  
  

  
  Everywhere I look around I see how everyone ought to be
  

  Every time I see myself there’s always something wrong with me
  

  
  

  
  

  Fighting to find something to talk about, he gave in and decided on the simple shit he already knew. “So…do you live here?” he inhaled sharply yet quietly, praying it didn’t sound as stupid as it sounded to him. No such luck.
  
  

  Kagome gave a very wry chuckle and shrugged her shoulders, still with her head on the bar. “You mean here in Manhattan or here in this bar. Cause to both my answer is yes.”
  
  

  InuYasha fought the urge to shake his head. He could feel his eyes glazing over in abhorrence at the life this girl had chosen to live. He wanted to scream at her, to shake her awake and force her back into reality. He simply frowned at her before returning to look at his water downed jack and coke. He had already had two…and it was to easy for him to let that turn into five or six…or nine or ten. The last thing he needed tonight was to be wasted. He tapped the bar for a moment before sighing. The pain was killing him slowly; he just kept feeling himself hitting the bottom of the well as he gazed upon her face. He slowly began to wonder if she tried to get back through after she sealed it…if she lay in the dirt and called to him as he did to her.
  

  
  

  
  I feel it everyday
  

  I feel I made my way
  

  I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
  

  Swallowing me
  
  

  
  

  Clearing his throat, he softly asked her, “What brings you to Manhattan? You don’t seem to be a…school…kid.”
  
  

  Kagome shrugged and let her eyes fall into her own drink. “I live here. My mom bought me an apartment when she won the lottery.”
  
  

  InuYasha had to bite back from screaming out loud. Her mother...won the lottery? ‘I guess she got her wish, didn’t she?’ he hid the smile on his face under the stoic mask he had somewhere managed to erect. ‘got to thank Sesshoumaru for being a bastard all these years and forcing me to learn how to be stoic.’ He pulled at his collar and gave her a small smile. “Your mother won the power ball?”
  
  

  Kagome simply nodded, her mind elsewhere.
  
  

  He gazed upon her face and blinked slowly. ‘Is she still thinking about the past? Is that where her mind is? Five hundred years ago, with me and the others…when we were happy. When Naraku seemed to be the big evil in life. Who ever would have thought your worst enemy to be yourself?’ he let his gaze fall to her hands and he froze. Everything in life seemed to stop for a moment…he couldn’t hear the chatter of the bar, the noise from the street…the annoying wailing of the poor excuse for a jukebox. He just saw the scars. “What…what did you do?” he cleared his throat and downed his drink in one gulp, trying to wash away the image from his eyes. ‘so that night was not the first time she tried to kill herself. Those scars…she’s tried it before. They look…it looks like she nearly succeeded.’ He took a deep breath, praying she did not notice him trying to compose himself. Managing a very stoic voice, he uttered, “Those look sever.” He coughed out as he rubbed his chest, trying to rid the burning feeling of the rum as it hit him like a truck.
  
  

  Kagome pulled back her hand and sighed loudly. “Not that I want my life to be a fucking open book but I made some mistakes and thought that might take care of it.”
  
  

  InuYasha blinked and forced himself to stay impassive. It was the hardest thing that he had yet to do. Instead he needed to prod…to know when this happened. Was it a recent thing…was it a recent threat? If so, where the hell was her mother? Did her mother even know? Had her mother seen her? He fought down the pang of anger and coughed out, “They say a girl who tries to kill herself is calling out for help. Do you agree?”
  
  

  Kagome narrowed her eyes and wavered a little in her seat as she pointed at the boy next to her, “you don’t know shit about me. I completely disagree! I was not calling out for help, I was begging to die. Yet I couldn’t…the Kami’s thought it would be more fun to torture me by making me live. Trust me…these past few weeks I wish I were dead.”
  
  

  InuYasha let go of her hand and he recoiled away from her. The sheer bitterness in her voice smacked him in the face. He licked his lips and looked to the bar. “Sounds bad.”
  
  

  Kagome let out a loud scoff and took another shot of vodka. “You have no idea. You don’t know what it’s like to be responsible for the love of your life’s death.”
  
  

  InuYasha raised an eyebrow and sat back in his chair. ‘Kagome, you have no idea what I feel…what responsibilities I hold on my shoulders…the failures that accompany them like red flags.’ He closed his eyes and slowly shook his head, “Really? That’s rough.”
  
  

  Kagome slammed her fist on the bar and looked to the ground. “I thought…I thought he left me…so I left before I had to see it…before I was certain. It was so long ago…yet I just found out that he didn’t leave me…he never planned to. I abandoned him...i betrayed him and him looking for me brought about his death.”
  

  
  

  
  I feel it everyday
  

  I feel I made my way
  
  

  
  

  ‘She said it.’ InuYasha stared at the wall for a moment before looking back at Kagome, the tears in his eyes hidden behind his emotionless face. He felt so pensive…so very solemn. ‘So she did think that. She feels responsible for my death? She blames herself? God Kagome…how can we both blame ourselves for one another’s destructions? Is that the curse of this life? Of your life? It was Kikyo’s curse and now it was passed down to you.’ He let his lips for a very think line and swallowed hard. “What made you think he left you?”
  
  

  Kagome shook her head slowly, “just forget it. It has nothing to do with you.”
  
  

  InuYasha bowed his head in defeat. God how he wanted to hug her…to kiss her…to ease her pain, but instead he backed off…like a chicken shit. “I apologize. It was wrong of me to pry.”
  
  

  Kagome nodded once before returning to stare at her drink. “he…i…I misinterpreted what he said to an ex and I thought he was leaving me…he was everything to me and to think I would lose him…I went crazy. I ran away…ran from it all. I made sure I wouldn’t be there when he went down…then I find out he never did. He was never going to leave me. I left him. There’s so much that time can not erase…I was with him for everything yet he…I left him.”
  
  

  It pained InuYasha to hear her say those things. To hear her speak the words that plagued his soul for five hundred years. ‘such is the tragedy of the word love.’ She had excused herself and made her way to the bathroom before her words for earlier smacked him like a brick upside of his head. ‘The love of your life...’. He blinked once, then again. ‘She loves me? She…she loved me? Why didn’t she…why didn’t I…god, all that time, all that grief…and she still loved me? She still wanted to be with me? I was nothing…a worthless half-breed who couldn’t even get the notion of love right…yet she stuck by me.’
  

  
  

  
  I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
  

  Swallowing me
  
  

  
  

  He wasn’t sure how much time passed while he pondered over the idea of her being in love with him. His eyes caught onto hers as she made her way out of the bathroom and immediately he could see the blood on her hand. ‘Kami, what did she do?’ he pushed off his stool and ran after her, images of those slashes on her wrists flickering through his mind. ‘She didn’t…she wouldn’t. No…god Kagome, you better not have done anything stupid.’ he sighed in relief as he reached her side and realized it was merely her hand that was cut. He didn’t reach her side until she was beginning her walk home. He would not follow her tonight…he would meet her at her apartment. She needed her hand bandaged and whether she liked it or not, he was going to do it. He hailed a taxi and gently grabbed her shoulder. “You should go home and rest.”
  
  

  Kagome pulled at his hand numbly, her eyes slightly glazed over from intoxication. “No…I want to walk. I want to…”
  

  
  

  
  I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside, swallowing me
  
  

  
  

  
  InuYasha opened to door to the yellow death trap and gently guided her into it. “Don’t argue with me, get into the car and have a good night.” He half expected her to listen. He was half wrong.
  
  

  Kagome groaned and put a hand to her head. “What’s your name?”
  
  

  InuYasha smiled and gave Kagome a small grin, “what’s in a name?” Pulling away from the girl, he made sure she was in the car before approaching the driver. Handing the man forty dollars, he pointed down the road. “Take her to Park Place West…she’s in 1700…walk her to the door and keep the tip.” He would be waiting on the balcony to make sure this piece of shit cab driver didn’t step foot into her room. If he did…god help him.
  
  

  The cabbie gawked at InuYasha, staring from the money in his hand to the man in his window. “Sir, that’s only like two blocks down…”
  
  

  InuYasha blinked and stared stoically at him. “So you’ll be sure to walk her to her door and make sure she gets in. I’m trusting you…get it done.” He pulled back and hit the roof twice before turning and walking back to the sidewalk. He watched the red taillights disappear into the darkness of night with a growl in the back of his throat.
  

  
  

  
  I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside, swallowing me
  

  
  

  
  “Kagome.” He blinked as snow began to lightly fall from the twilight sky. He sighed and slowly began to walk his way towards her apartment. It would take the cab driver a few more moments to reach her apartment, and he wanted to enjoy the snow. It had been a long time since he could.
  

  
  

  
  ~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

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