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Red Lotus	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 20070 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 7
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 32
- 33
- 34
A/N: BOOM. ON TIME.
Red Lotus
Chapter 33: The Prophylactic
It was quiet - it was soft.
A little rumbling, a disturbance in the quietness of the night. If he had not been so rested, so alert, he might have missed it. But, he had heard it. His amber eyes had snapped open, shining in the darkness of the room and he had tilted his head to the side. There, he found her. Her body was strung, her legs parted, her lips opened, while soft sounds dared to escape her wet pout. At first, he thought it was pain - much like she had experienced when the child had moved for the very first time. However, one quick sniff of the air, and he knew it was not pain. It was actually - arousal. She was moaning in pleasure. When was the last time he had heard such sounds coming from her? Before they learned she was pregnant? No. During the massage.
He had not indulged in her flesh in a long time.
He had been fine with it. No sudden desires had taken hold of his body and he had gone on with his daily life as well. However, now that he was staring at her, in the throes of passion it seemed, he was frozen in place. There was such a heat coming from her body, it was overwhelming and he was enthralled. He could not tear his eyes away from her form and his entire body stiffened. He let his fingers slid across the soft sheets until his fingertips were touching her sticky skin. He glided his fingers across her forearms and then , tickled the inside of her palm. When he was touching her, it was like the feelings were heightened; she was moving more, she was panting harder. And for the first time, he wondered what she might be dreaming about - though he had an idea.
It was the first time she had such dreams. Perhaps it was related to the pregnancy; he knew women had surges of hormones during those times. He should be pulling himself away from her, and leaving her be. She was having a dream and she had not invited him in her personal space. Though he remembered the taste of her lips when she had kissed him the other day. It was bringing back memories. Even if he was not someone who used to indulge in those kind of pleasures, he had enjoyed the times they had shared together. It had brought forth new sensations and for the first time, he felt an aching in his loins. Did he want her? He probably did. He had accepted that reality a long time ago. He had even told her. Now that he had her, he would probably want her again.
Of course, it could not be now.
Her pregnancy was high risk, and - and was she still upset? He was not sure. It had not been made clear during their previous interactions.
She smelled good.
He did know that. His scent used to be lace with hers through the bond but now it was different. His scent was literally coming from inside of her - from his child. He had to admit, it added an extra difficult, an extra need to be near her. Not that he was completely reckless and out of control. He could control himself. The fact that he had approached his body to hers, his fingers lingering on her skin meant nothing. Except, he did feel blood rushing downwards as she moaned again. His body was so close to hers, he was touching it. Her hands were gripping at the sheets, her hips were thrusting and she was - she was begging for something without even knowing it. He shivered.
Lately a lot of realizations had come crushing upon him.
Including how much he needed her presence. He had developed a weakness for her, much like he had in the past for another human. Except this time it was different, it was more intense and it was inside of him. His life was tied to hers and it was a new kind of pull. But, it had become clear that he could not pretend that he could move on from her. He had told her that she could do as she pleased with her life, including divorcing him, marrying someone else. And he knew that was no longer a reality. He could not forcefully hold her down and force her to stay but - but he was not quite persuaded that he would handle it well if she were to leave him. She had been gone for a few days, with the promise of returning, and he had not handled it well.
If it were to be forever, it would be worse.
But none of those thoughts were things he should be focusing on at the moment. Instead, his focus should be on the little melodious sounds reaching his sensitive ears - or even the pressing matter happening in his underwear. His cock was fully erect, pressing against the fabric and every shift and movements made it a torture for him. He knew he could not slip inside of her but - but his mind was not actually rational at the present moment. Her skin was soft and tasted like sweet fruits - he remembered that. At least, he thought he did.
"S-Sesshomaru?"
Her sweet voice pulled him out of his thoughts and blue met gold. Confusion danced in her orbs as she looked at him for answers. Her body was drumming with a need she had never experienced before. Reality and dreamland were still blurring together as she slowly pulled herself from her slumber. She remembered caresses, she remembered touches and oh god, his mouth had been everywhere. It was not until reality settled around her that she realized it had been nothing more than a mere dream that had taken her to new heights. Shame crept up on her face, revealing itself in the form of a blush and she noticed how close their bodies were. Her fingers were itching, dying to touch him and she barely managed to restraint herself.
"Yes?" his voice was low, like a rumble. He did not think he could utter more than one word at the moment. His whole mind was focused on one thing; control.
His long hair was draping over her and she was still dizzy from waking up. She was prone to dwelling into depths she should not approached. She remembered his lips, she remembered his warmth.
And she was the one to break the damn.
Her lips touched his and it was all he needed. His mouth devoured hers. He tasted every inch of the membranes, licking, nipping. She was panting in his mouth but it did not slow him down. Her scent was the only thing circling in his head as it exploded every time he touched her. His hands were on her waist, pinning her down as he was slowly maneuvering himself on top of her. He kept his body far from hers, scared to apply too much pressure on her stomach, and his lips found their way to her neck. He lapped at it, kissing the reddening flesh. He was vaguely aware that he was groaning against her skin but he ignored it. She squirmed beneath him, her lips sometimes whispering his name.
Her hands tangled with his hair, pulling at it, trying to bring him even closer. No matter how hard she tugged, he remained where he was. He forced her to arch her back to bring her body closer to his. Her stomach touched his and he stiffened for a moment.
"Wait," he whispered.
He was stopping this, he could not be stopping this.
But he was.
He held down her hip, pushing her back down until there was finally a distance between them.
Kagome expressed her disapproval through a grunt. She needed this. She had not been touched in the longest time and she felt like if he did not put his hands on her she would die. It was too late to extinguish the fire he had lite up inside of her. Even he was about to realize that. She was panting in his neck while he was trying to calm himself. This was too dangerous and the only thing he could do was pull away from her. It was safer. He remained a youkai and he had instincts. She was his mate and she was demanding satisfaction. If he let himself be caught up in her scent, he would go all the way and then they would be regret it. They knew the baby was fine but it did not erase the risks.
He could not contribute to endangering their child.
He had to be the rational one.
As he pulled his body completely away from hers, he heard the whimper.
She was on the edge, her body was tensed. He could not leave her like this either. It was bad for her, it was bad for the baby.
But he could - he could help her. He could not carry the child for her, he could not take her pain and frustration away for her. It was all things she had to deal with on her own but there were ways he could help her. It would tease him further and it would build up the tension inside of him, but it was a sacrifice he could make her for her. As she kept buckling her hips, he lowered himself down. His nostrils were filled with her sweet scent and it only further this decision making. He stopped once his face was pressing to her stomach and she held her breath. His lips touched her stomach and he slowly worked his way down to her underwear. He inhaled her scent through the fabric, and he growled.
Slowly, he lowered her pants and she let him. He took them off until there were down to her ankle. All that stood in front of him were light blue cotton underwear. He shoved his nose where he could see the damp patch and then, his tongue came out to play. She shivered at his first lick and he enjoyed the muted flavor. He had missed having his cock inside of her it seemed as he felt his erection twitched. It was to be expected. He used a claw finger to move her underwear out of the way and as soon as he could see his prize, he dove his tongue inside of her.
Kagome was sprawled across the bed, her hair damped from her intense arousal. She would have never asked for this. She would have never asked for anything. But as he laid there, lapping at her like she was water in a drought, she wanted to cry. All the tension, all the fear was leaving her body. The first thing they had shared was physical intimacy and oh god. It made her feel good. It heightened everything she felt and it only convinced her to keep chasing him. He was holding her leg down, giving himself all the room he needed to drive his tongue deep inside of her.
She was moaning his name, she was screaming in pleasure. Her hands made their way to his hair and she tugged at it while all he did was aim to please.
She wanted to come undone around him, she wanted to unleash herself while his name died on her lips.
She needed him too much.
And for the first time, she did not care.
-R-
He expected her to be shy. He expected her to blush and perhaps avoid him but she did none of that.
Instead, they were sitting side by side, watching television. At least she was. He was too busy stealing glances at her. The morning they had shared at ease her frustration away but all it had done to him was heighten his. Now, there was a constant discomfort in his pants and it was hard to ignore. He was better than to let his body dictate what was good for him and yet he did struggle in this moment. He could not ask anything of her, and it would kill his pride to do so. Still, he said there, bothered, while she flipped through the channels. At least she appeared to be quite relax and really, she was the one who needed to relax.
There was something nagging at her. She could not quite explain it but it was there, pinging in the back of her head. She tried to ignore it since for the first time in a long time, she actually felt relax. The need of the bond was fulfilled and her own personal needs were satiated. She had not expected it to happen but she would be lying if she said she was not glad it had. It did not help their awful communication problems but it did help their physical bonding. It was one step in the right direction if he could abandon his facade in her presence.
"Oh."
"Oh?" He pulled his body away from the couch and stared at her. Oh did not mean anything. Oh was not something one could simply blur out.
She smiled, which immediately eased his worries away. "She moved again."
He wasted no time in putting his hand on her stomach, waiting to feel what she could feel. And he did.
"You know, we can't keep calling her she forever."
She did not know if naming was something they were going to agree on but they might as well start now. They would have to do it at some point and - maybe it was best to do it when the atmosphere between the two of them was positive.
"Did you have a name in mind already?"
She shook her head. It was not like she had been able to consider such things in the past. At the beginning, she had been too young, and then, well, she never thought kids would be part of her future. All of this was new for her. Then again, it was a chance at a new life, one she would get to choose for herself instead of having it impose on her.
"You?"
He shook his head. It did not cross his mind to have heirs. He thought it would be centuries before that even happened - and only if he even found someone who was suitable. Also, he had perhaps thought of a boy's name once or twice, but never a girl. The only female child he had ever been around was Rin.
"We have time," she finally said. For the first time, she did have a lot of time.
She smiled again when their daughter moved; she had a feeling she was going to be a handful - and that was okay. She wanted a child that was as full of life as she had been in the past. She wanted her to laugh, to smile and to live life to its fullest. She also wanted her to grow up in an environment that was happy and full of love. She was not yet convinced that it was what the future held for them, but she hoped it would be. She did not want to lie and she did not want to pretend. She wanted the family life to be real.
"What do you want?"
"What do you mean?" he inquired, his eyes still locked on her stomach as he waited for their daughter to move again. She was quite active which let him know that she would be quite strong. It was good. Then again, it was not like he expected anything else. He was a Dayoukai and she was the Miko of the Shikon no Tama. Obviously, any child coming from their union would be strong.
"What do you want from us?"
It was coming back again. The kind of questions that had made her angry and that had brought fights forward. He was better equipped than before to deal with it but he did not know if it would lead to an answer that she would find acceptable.
"I want a family. A real one."
She wanted to leave the feelings trapped inside but as she was overwhelmed by the joy of the life growing inside of her she could not hold it back. However, she would do it differently this time. She would not yell, she would not lose her temper. Sesshomaru was someone who remained calm and collected and if she wanted to have a conversation with him, she had to keep the same kind of attitude or they would miscommunicate again.
"I am aware."
"Do you want that?"
"I do not know." It was his honest answer. "I do not wish for you to leave." He did not know if that meant what she wanted it to mean. He was not like her; he did not live through his emotions. He knew what he wanted and he lived in the moment. He had what he required for the time being. He did not know if he needed more or if he would ever want more. He could not project those kinds of thoughts. It was not who he was.
"You didn't like it when I wasn't there, correct?" He could not make sense of his feelings and she would have to do it for him. Or she would have to guide him there if she could. One step at a time. She could not be impatient. She had to keep reminding herself of that fact.
"I did not."
"Do you know why?"
He offered her the smallest shrugged. "It was empty."
"But you like silence."
"I do not enjoy silence from you."
He was happy at work when everyone left him alone. He was happy when he had the vicinity to himself. He also disliked it when people in the streets attempting to chitchat with him. He could not say the same when it concerned her leaving him alone. That made him uncomfortable, that made it feel wrong. He enjoyed her presence and he wanted her to be near. It took her leaving for him to realize it but it was no longer a truth that he could ignore. His life made more sense when she was present. He had been living on automatic for many centuries, and it was the first time that his actions had a purpose and a meaning. He knew he would live many centuries still and it was pleasurable to know, he was doing something - for a reason.
"So you like when I'm around." She felt like she was trying to spell it out for a child. Then again, when it came to emotions, Sesshomaru was basically a child. All of this was new to him. She had to remind herself of her mother's words; she had to be patient, she had to do it his way and not her way.
"Yes."
"Because of the bond?"
"I believe the bond has contributed to our closeness. I do not believe it to be the sole reason for it." He had respected her well before or he would not have saved her - obligations or not. He delved in further than it was required of him but he did not regret any of it. He had already decided a long time ago that he probably would not have find a more suitable mate or mother. Perhaps it would have been possible in the best, but in this era? She was the best option by far. She might have been a little emotional, intense and shrieking for him in the past but she had matured since then. She had changed and he was able to recognize those changes.
Of course, not all those changes were for the best. He remembered his slight annoyance at her lack of will to fight. She used to have a lot more of it in the past. But still, it was improving.
And his life was tied to hers regardless. And he did not mind.
"Okay." Hearing him say it re-assured her. The way he expressed himself did not always convey a lot of emotions but she had gotten used to interpret his words and his meanings. They were on the right track. He did not want her gone, and he admitted that not everything he felt for her was due to the bond.
Was this it? Was it really this anti-climatic? She had been waiting for a sign that this was the path to follow. That one day, Sesshomaru would maybe be able to feel some of the things she felt. She had a feeling he had just admitted to it but she thought it would be accompanied by - something else. A feeling, a rush of emotions… she was not quite sure. She leaned back into the couch and began chewing on her bottom lip.
How could getting what she wanted feel so unfulfilling?
She wiped a built up a sweat that had begun forming on her forehead and she offered him a smile. There was nothing else to say, nothing else to add. He did eventually want what she wanted. He could maybe feel what she wanted him to feel. But it was a little more bittersweet than she had expected. Was it because she thought it would take all the pain away? Was it because she thought that everything would change suddenly? She tried to not let her disappointment show, before it lead to another argument and leaned into the couch, her eyes closed. She was being an idiot. Sesshomaru had done big steps and she - she did not know what she wanted. She wanted to not feel like she was suffocating. She wanted to be at ease with touching him, with demanding things from him. And why did she feel so warm all of the sudden?
"I need a bath," she said, her eyes still closed.
He arched an eyebrow. He knew he was not the one to have the most conversation, but even for him that felt like a brutal ending to what they had been talking about. Regardless, he nodded. He stood up on his two feet and offered her his hand which she gladly took. The bigger she got, the harder it was for her to get up on her own. Him helping her was another one of those subtle ways he was showing her his affection.
And it was good.
It was enough. He was enough. Maybe she was not.
-R-
For the second time in a row, he was woken up in a rather strange fashion. Except this time, it was not quite as pleasant as last time. Instead of moans filling his ears, this time he was woken up by groans of pain - and they were not his. He flipped around in the bed and found an unexpected sight. Kagome was laying on her side, a puddle of sweat soaking the sheets beneath her. She had a fever. He put a hand on her shoulder, and turned her unto her back. He expected that the gesture would wake her up but she remained in a deep slumber. All the creases in her face were covered with built up of sweat, while some beads were sliding down the side of her neck. He had never seen her like this before.
It was subtle, it was unusual, but his heart rate picked up. His lips became dry and he had to lick them to humidify them again. He leaned over her body on all fours, grabbing both of her shoulders with his large hands. "Kagome?" he tried.
But nothing.
There was a groan of pain, a shift of the head, but nothing that made sense or nothing that was coherent. His heartbeat picked up again. It was a fever. Human had fevers. He himself had a fever once because of her. It was not a reason that warranted any type of panic. He should remain calm and collected like he was always. He had panicked for nothing the type the child moved and it had turned out to be exactly that; nothing. He pressed the back of his hand to her forehead, and he was forced to realize that her fever was high. He was a youkai, he did not need a useless thermometer to tell him the temperature.
First thing first, he needed to get her fever down. He got up from the bed and then rushed to her side. He scooped her in his arms and headed for the bathroom. He expected that all the commotion would snap her back awake, or that she would at least say something but no. She remained quiet and completely limp in his arms. Perhaps that was the most worrisome part; she was like a dead body in his arms. If he was not holding her so tightly, she would slip through his arms and fall unto the floor. He chased that thought away. He beam lined for the bathroom and once he was inside, he dropped her into the empty bathtub. He sat her as straight as he could and immediately turned on the cold water.
He could not leave her in there by herself; she would drown. He quickly disrobed himself, dropping down his sleeping pants and boxer to the ground at the same time. He slipped his white t-shirt from above his head and discarded it with the rest of his clothes. He slipped into the bathtub, positioning himself behind her. Her naked body safely tucked between his legs, he held her head up with his hand. "Kagome," he tried to whisper in her ear.
She groaned in response.
However, he could not tell if she was groaning to groan or in response to him calling out to her. This was not helping.
The water had managed to reach the middle of her thighs and he knew that soon, the coldness of the water would have a reaction on her body. He let his hand brush through her short hair, flattening the wet strands. How had he not noticed that she was basically dying beside him? How could he have gone into such a deep slumber that it required for her to groan loudly for him to even wake up? He knew she was in a fragile condition and he had not even been listening for the sounds of her body. Instincts demanded that he rectified his failures but for the moment, he could do nothing but hold her.
"Kagome?" he tried again.
"Ses-"
It was not even his name. It was not even half of his name, but it was a sound he could recognize. The tension in his shoulders lessened and he let the back of his head hit the ceramic tiles behind him. She was awake.
"Kagome, you have a fever," he explained, helping her lean against his chest a bit more. "We're in the bath." He did not want to add to her current confusion since the fever was probably messing up with her perception of reality.
A fever. A fever. It was the only word she could focus on. She could feel his body beneath hers, the muscles, the softness - and it was cold. She was so cold. Why was she so cold? She wanted warmth. She found herself snuggling closer to his body in an attempt to warm herself up. Wait, he had said she had a fever. Why did she need warmth if she had a fever? Maybe he was wrong, maybe she did not have a fever. And why in the world was her head so damn heavy?
The water level was not rising fast enough for him. He draped an arm around her waist, holding her securely and he dipped them deeper into the water, hoping to submerge more of her body. She shivered, nearly fighting against him, but she was too weak to truly do anything about it. He held them in place until he felt her entire skin was covered in goosebumps.
"Cold," she whispered.
He knew, and he did feel guilty but this was the only thing he could do for her. He did not know what else to do. Actually, he did not even know if the fever or the cold weather was good for the baby. But he had to prioritize. The fever had to be worse than the cold water. As long as he could get that in order, he might be able to move on to the next problem. He feared taking her to a hospital because of the growing child inside of her. If they did too many tests, they might find out too much. Of course, he could not allow her to die either. He was trying this - and then… and then he would think of something else.
Only if it did not work.
She could not possibly die.
She was carrying their child.
And she could not die. She simply could not. He would not allow it. He had not rescued her from the depths of death only to have her die in his arms of a foolish fever. It was not how it was supposed to be. He said it, his life was empty without her and he would not let her die here, in this bathtub.
"Kagome, get a hold of yourself," he ordered.
He was losing it; he was losing his control, he was losing his calm. He was not one to easily snap at her. He usually remained quite collected. He felt his control slipping him, a new kind of rage flowing through his blood and it destabilized him. He did not even know who or what to be angry at - he was just angry and he could not direct it. It was fever; there was no one he could blame for it. Instead, he was letting his rage get out of control and affect everything. He was not supposed to be this kind of person. He was supposed to be better than to be a slave to his emotions.
He did not even use to feel like this.
"Tired," she mumbled.
She was cold and she was hot at the same time. She did not know which feeling she preferred. Both? It was a soothing alternate between the two and Sesshomaru was soft beneath her. She could just lean into him and- and it would be all okay. He was there. She should feel safe before he was there.
Seconds turned to minutes and minutes turned into an hour.
She had not spoken again but he had made sure to shake every three minutes. Sweat no longer coated her skin but she remained warm. After a bit, he decided that keeping her in might cause more harm than good and he got her out of there. He did not even bother to take a towel with him as he walked them both to the bedroom, leaving a trail of water behind. He did not give a shit about the floor. His eyes were bloodshot red as he laid her across the bed, her wet body immediately soaking everything in the vicinity. Once he made sure that she could not fall or tilt in any direction, he joined her in the bed. He wrapped his arms around her clammy body, protectively holding her within his embrace. Once she was secured, he buried his face in her wet hair.
He needed something to calm the storm inside of him.
He was made, he was raging and none of those feelings made sense to him. She felt fragile and broken in his hold and he did not understand it. She had been fine, she had been healthy. And now, suddenly, she was sick? One did not simply have a fever for no reason.
She could die.
He could have saved her for nothing because she could die in his arms.
And if she died, he would not only lose her. He would also lose their daughter.
It was a thought he did not enjoy. The last time he held someone as they died, it was Rin.
He was not looking into repeating that moment.
He did not care if she was sick, he did not care what she had.
He had mated her and she would live.
Damn it.
-R-
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Red Lotus