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A First Time For Everything	By : MiztikalDragon Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Rin > Sessh?maru/Rin Views: 18537 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.

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        This is a companion piece to “Spiderwebs” and “Right Round”

“Longing” -- Jim Brickman

        She wasn’t sure whether to be excited or disappointed.

        So many things had happened in the last couple of months, many things had changed--some for the better and for the worst, but all in all it left her empty somewhere in the middle. Rin had gone from living completely on her own, doing as she pleased and being relatively happy to trapped in a place she had called home several years before, unable to do anything but bitch and moan and more than occasionally stir the pot with her ‘roommate’.

        There were circumstances for her imprisonment, she had been attacked by an unknown demon while at work and it almost killed her. Though she understood his reasoning (no matter how much she denied it out loud), she did not want to be near him anymore than she had to. Sesshomaru had been her first love, the “can’t eat, can’t sleep and it’s hard to breathe” kind of love and he had denied her ruthlessly and with her pride and her heart broken, she did what she thought was best at the time. She ran away. It may not have been a wise decision, but at the time she could think of no other way to prove to him that even though he did not love her the way she wished of him, she was not helpless without him.

        He had; after all, taught to her be independent, if not stubborn and his younger half-brother InuYasha showed her how to use it against Sesshomaru later in life. She learned everything she knew now about demons and power-plays of the dominant ones, the powerful types and she recognized the signs of trouble she ignored while she was younger. In a way she was more reckless as an adult than when she was an adolescent because before now she would have never dreamed of going against Sesshomaru’s demands. She would not have spent every waking moment scheming of ways to get him to acknowledge the passion between them, the string of fate entwining them together as InuYasha liked to say.

        Sesshomaru belonged to her, Rin told herself every morning. He just did not accept the fact it was true and she had been hell bent on opening his perceptive yet ignorant eyes. So she schemed and plotted, attempting to bring Sesshomaru down to her level, show him what he was denying was a good thing, not something horrible and despicable and that, even though he was a powerful demon, it took someone powerful enough to love. Even if it was love for a human.

        She had at one point almost given up on love, willing to stay complacent with lust or even the hint of caring. At first, she practically welcomed it if only Sesshomaru was with her. But lust was different from love; she knew that and what she felt for him was love. If she allowed it to be merely lust, the only person who would wind up hurt was herself. She couldn’t live with lust only, it would break her and she decided that if she was going to have Sesshomaru, she would be selfish. She wanted all of him, not just pieces, and definitely not only the physical touch he could supply her with.

        That was when she put her plans into motion, when she enticed the anger out of Sesshomaru and when his hands touched her, his lips devouring her and his body demanding her to submit she felt almost giddy. Sesshomaru had been gentle and rough at the same time, fanning the flames of her desire. It had been perfect and it had taken her hours, almost days to understand fully what Sesshomaru had given her and she hadn’t been able to keep the blush from her face for at least a week. The ghost of his sweet caresses did nothing but wind her up like a top making Rin silently yearn for him and it left her more frustrated than before.

        Sesshomaru did not deny her after that: however, neither did he make it easier on her. He never made a move, never began their passion, but would contribute when Rin asked and she wasn’t disappointed. It did leave her wondering though, if it was something he wanted, not something he put up with merely to keep her docile and the errant thoughts stung. She could accept him being shy, not that he was the kind of person she associated with being ‘shy’, yet the idea of him acquiescing to her desire for him so he wouldn’t have to deal with her scheming and attempts at freedom was something she had not considered.

        Those kinds of thoughts left her feeling emptier than before and the distance between the sexual encounters she had initiated with Sesshomaru lengthened before ceasing all together. Some days she convinced herself that she could live without it, but when it was all said and done she felt only the loneliness she could barely hide. It was as if someone had sucked all the sunshine and warmth from her body leaving an empty husk.

        She felt herself shutting down. Rin could still perform the everyday tasks, eat meals three times a day, shower, anything that did not require her to think, that required her to feel, but that was the extent of it. At first she read anything that would pass the time and keep her in her bedroom or on the plush couch in the sitting room. After the first three books she confined herself to text books or encyclopedias as they did not give her a fantasy world or give her heart a painful squeeze with every passing page.

        And then InuYasha had shown up. He had taken one look at her and frowned angrily, a scowl Rin hadn’t seen in what was ages to her and gave her the emotions she’d been denied. He invited himself over for the night and shook her up, dragging her from her self-imposed depression and left her silently crying. His arms had been warm and comforting as they held her against his chest, shielding her as she let the tears break free from their prison and she couldn’t deny him his request. He was her older silly brother; he protected her when she was too stubborn to look out for herself. He gave her the space she needed. He was everything Sesshomaru was unwilling to be and she leaned heavily on InuYasha because she needed it.

“You’re killing her,” she had fallen asleep on the couch, her head on InuYasha’s lap, her fingers curled around one of his hands, clutching it almost desperately. She stayed still as she could, pretending to be asleep so she would not disrupt their private conversation.

“Nonsense,” Sesshomaru’s voice was cool and it made her stomach twist up in knots and she forced herself to calm down. She was almost too afraid to let either of them know she was awake.

“How long has it been since you saw her smile?” InuYasha’s free hand touched the top of her head gently, his fingers running through her hair as if she were a pet. “I bet you don’t even know the last time she really laughed.”

        The silence was suffocating and it seemed to go on forever. She couldn’t decide whether Sesshomaru knew exactly how long it had been and did not to say or did not know because she was uncertain of the date herself. InuYasha’s fingers did not hesitate, but his body did stiffen and she suppressed back the heavy sigh. He should not have been surprised. Sesshomaru was not the kind of person who could be bullied, he would stay silent for an eternity if that was what suited him and at the moment it must have.

“If I hadn’t stopped by to check on her today,” InuYasha’s voice was husky with anger and something else she could not pinpoint. “She probably would have killed herself by the end of the week.”

        Rin’s blood froze and she swallowed the gasp threatening to break free. It wasn’t that bad, was it? Sure she felt the emptiness, the loneliness of her existence, but had she truly become suicidal? The honest answer scared her. Yes--she concluded morosely, suicide had been on the agenda. It passed her mind a few different times and each time had seemed more interesting, more plausible and she hated herself for being weak. Maybe there was a reason why Sesshomaru was the way he was towards her. Maybe he could sense her weakness, her incapability of ever being what he wanted and that was the reason why he kept silently rejecting her.

        That trail of thinking hurt her worse than the thoughts clouding her mind previously and some of the bitterness left her. Of course Sesshomaru could spot her weakness a mile away, he was after all a powerful demon and she was a hindrance, a weakness for him and it all began to make sense. It was time she grew up, faced the facts and behaved like an adult. Sesshomaru couldn’t love her, those words would hurt her, possibly crush her, but she had to be like a phoenix and rise from the ashes, a new--better creature; one that if Sesshomaru couldn’t love, he could be proud of.

“I will hear no more foolishness,” Sesshomaru spat coldly.

        Silence was not comforting her like it should have and she waited a few more moments before opening her eyes and staring up at InuYasha, his amber eyes focused on her with pity. He wordlessly gave her an apology she did not want to hear and she felt the tears coming, blurring her gaze. Sitting up, she fought them back, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand willing herself to be stronger than this.

“Things will get better Rin,” InuYasha told her softly, his clawed hand running through her hair in a way she wished Sesshomaru would.

“I hope so,” she sniffled using her arm as a makeshift handkerchief.

-TBC-
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A First Time For Everything