My Life is My Pain

Chapter 4:

13 Years Later

I never thought resting in the hot springs with my younger brother would be something that I began to so desperately look forward to, but it was the only way I am able to escape from those lustful stares and perverted comments.

Sighing, I look up from washing my hair to see him floating casually on his back, by the look of his eyes he seems to be in deep thought....stupid half-breed, is there ever a time when he’s not daydreaming? Always letting his mind wander off, hm, perhaps I should try it.


I allow myself to sink beneath the warm water, watching as my hair spreads like a blanket across the surface. Closing my eyes, I peacefully float beneath the surface trying to get myself lost in imagination or what ever it is that half-breed thinks of when he does this.

I listen as the bubbles blow from my nose and my body goes completely limp, I guess it is working, I guess this is how it is suppose to feel, I wonder what I will dream of.....

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“MOTHER!”

Sesshoumaru attempted to climb up his mother’s dress and into her arms as he felt the wind pick up behind them, a sign that his father had landed.

“Sesshoumaru, enough!”

The pup looked up into the angry eyes of his mother and instantly stopped his whimpering.

“I know this is not how Inu no Taisho and that human women are raising you, to be a pup with his tail between his legs.”

Realizing what a spectacle he was making of himself, Sesshoumaru wiped away his tears with the sleeve of his kimono and tried to stand proudly in front of his mother.

“Very good, now turn and face your father.”

Without releasing the front of his mother’s clothing, Sesshoumaru turned his head to watch as his father now stood just a few feet away.

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Yes, I remember that day, thirteen years back I had indeed turned to face my father but it proved to be of no good help. I was still too weak and mother, she turned out to be nothing but a fucking bitch(no pun).

She allowed him to take me away though she knew something was wrong. She watched him carry me away kicking and screaming. She saw the tears in my eyes but she only continued to smile as he carried me off over his shoulder and what I want to know is why?

If she was going to let him to get away with the things he was doing to me, why had she answered my call? Why did she send me a reply? It would have been better if I’d never seen her face that day, let alone watched as she smiled at my pitiful dilemma.

But now it doesn’t matter, because I haven’t seen or spoken to her in all of these thirteen years. However something tells me that this is all going to change, why is thirteen such an unlucky number?

Now, enough of my mother, what else is there?

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“How DARE you run away from me!”

His body is thrown forcefully against the stone wall. He attempts to stand up and take the beating without showing his pain, however he can’t help but think of how his mother betrayed him. This thought is all it takes for his body to brake down as he shrivels up into the dark corner, whimpering like a forgotten puppy.

“That’s right, show your weak side. Show how much of a fucking disgrace you are!”

A swift kick to the gut sends Sesshoumaru falling forward away from the false safety of that corner.

“Chichue?...”

The broken pup looked up into the eyes of his father, he was confused. He had never seen his father act this way, he had never heard such angry words from the man’s mouth, at least not directed towards him.

“Chichue? Daddy?...”

The tears fall from his eyes and the lord can’t help but take pity upon the small boy. In such quick movement, Sesshoumaru finds himself back inside his fathers arms.

“Never disobey again, do you understand Sesshoumaru?”

The pup buried his head into his father’s chest as he nodded slowly. The feeling of the large hands that were just a second ago beating him with no show of mercy, were now gently combing his hair as soft words of comfort came from a now calm Inu no Taisho.

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My thoughts are now beginning to trail off to my father, when all of a sudden I feel a strong grip on my shoulders...is it him?

My body is hauled from beneath the hot springs and I gasp for breath as the world around me starts to come back, how long had I been under water?

“What the hell Sesshoumaru, are you trying to kill yourself?”

Turning around, I look into the angry or should I say worried eyes of my brother. I guess the half-breed snapped out of his little day dream, so he had to interrupt mine.

I push his hands off of my shoulders and climb onto the edge of the bank, grabbing hold of my white boa.

I choose to use it as a drying cloth, turning my head in disgust as Inuyasha jumps out of the water and chooses to shake himself dry.

“Must you always behave like such a savage?”

“Must you always behave like a little girl with a stick up her ass?”

“Oh my, such a colorful vocabulary.”

“Just shut up.”

I seat myself in the grass smiling or more like smirking at the young half-breed, I can not help but find him amusing at times.

“What the hell are you smiling at?”

“Maybe I will tell you after I am done dressing.”

Everything remains in silence except for the talk of nature, as both the half-breed and I dress ourselves. When done, I lay my head back on the grass and try to enjoy my show of comfort, knowing that when I return to the inside of that castle, it is back to the hard cold Sesshoumaru.


I assume this is why I enjoy bathing with Inuyasha, it gives me a chance to step outside of myself and act, normal?

“So are you going to tell me now?”

I turn my attention towards the half-breed who is now laying next to me, his head resting inside the palm of his hand as his ears press softly against his head, a sign of his comfort.

“Why should this Sesshoumaru have to explain himself to a half-breed like you.”

I watch as he sighs heavily before leaning back onto his hands, his eyes directed at the sky.

“It is nice to see that THIS Sesshoumaru knows how to say his own name, but can you try saying mine for once? The word half-breed does not seem to show the extension of your vocabulary either.”

“.....”

“Well anyway, I believe I have a right to question you. After all I just saved you from drowning yourself less than ten minutes ago.”

This damn half-breed.

“Who says that I needed to be saved, if there was a problem, I am positive, that I would have the strength to solve it myself.”

“Yeah right, you barely have any control over your own life, let alone the common sense to return to the top of the water when you’re running out of air.”

A low growl escapes from deep within my throat, a sign that he is going a step too far.

“Hey don’t get mad at me, Sesshoumaru. After all, I’m only sixteen, turning seventeen and I have a lot more independence than you.”

“And what would make you believe that, little brother?”

I emphasize on the word little to remind him who indeed, is the dominate between him and I.

“Well, you just recently turned twenty-one and you’re still groveling at dad’s feet. You should be off on your own, ruling over your own land and looking for a potential mate. But you are rarely allowed to leave the castle and when you do, I or dad have to accompany you.”

I turn away from him and stare up at the darkening sky....why does he have to be right? It is true, I have no freedom, I am on a short leash. But I can not allow him to know this.

“Age twenty-one may seem to be a lot in human years but in demon years it is very different. I would not expect a half-breed like you to understand, Inuyasha.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

The rest of the time we lay there, it is uncomfortable silence, we both are lost in deep thought which is soon interrupted by the low but long howl of our father.

“It must be time to eat.”

I watch as he stands from the ground and pretends to wipe the dirt from his pants.

“Lets go back inside.”

He stretches his hand out to me and attempts to help me up, but I simply ignore him and stand by myself. I hate going back inside of that castle, because that is when the cold, angry Sesshoumaru comes back and that is when my sexually sadistic father chooses to make my life a living hell, though he doesn’t notice.

No one notices, not even you Inuyasha.

TBC....

Review.

A/N: Tell me if you think Sesshoumaru is OOC, alright? It is a little tough for me to do the story from his POV.