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The Diary	By : Tomosaho Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 15843 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.

Chapter List
- 3
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- 5
Next chapter!!!!� I�ve
been having a little trouble, as I�m between pre-determined parts of the story,
and I�m having a hard time thinking of the bridges between those moments.� So, if it takes a while for me to review, you
all know why.

Disclaimer-
I don�t own Inuyasha or make any money from this work.�

/////////////////////////////

Stupidity

Trees fell one after another in the forest, creating noise,
debris, and chaos.� They fell in an
erratic order, the line of destruction heading nowhere and circling.� The source of the disaster was like an
inferno, blazing bright and deadly.� The
flames of his anger flew about him, whipping air into a heated frenzy and
mirroring the rage he felt within.�

Sesshoumaru was livid, and there was nothing nearby on which
he could appease his anger.� Nothing
could alleviate him of it, for he did not even fully
comprehend why he was so furious, adding even more to his rage.�

It�s that woman�s fault! He thought over and over, she did
this to me!

It was a spell, it had to be.� How could just the simple words of a simple
human affect him in such a way?� And how
did she know?� How did she know such a
personal thing about him, something she could never have known?� There were no answers to his questions, no
way of knowing, and it frustrated him to no end.� He threw his fist through another tree,
felling it with ease.

Her diary was supposed
to be nothing more than a distraction, a way to alleviate his ennui.� She was supposed to be nothing more than a
puzzle to be solved, putting the pieces of her mystery together.� Yet why was it that she was pulling him apart
instead?� Another tree fell when he could
think of no answer.

It was because he had begun to feel a little respect for
her, instead of the scorn that was proper.�
She wasn�t as useless as the rest of her kind, more interesting then the
rest for sure, and that is how her spell had taken root.� He had lowered his guard, and whatever curse
she had used had bloomed inside of him.� Was
this even her diary at all, or an elaborate ruse from an enemy to undo him?

But this was all ridiculous!�
It made no sense, that couldn�t be it, it was laughable.� The fact that he had thought it just showed
how undone he had become, how unraveled
as she had written.� Damn it, why was he
still thinking of her words!

Hidden amongst the trees, an intruder looked upon the scene
with dread.� He had been conscripted to
hunt a demon close to Nagano,
but he had come across his brother instead.

Inuyasha had thought he found the demon when he felt this
malignant aura, and had made chase, but now he could see the errors of his
ways.� He had seen his brother angry
before, but right now, Sesshoumaru was fucking
pissed and Inuyasha didn�t fancy a
brawl.� He hoped he could get away before
he was spotted-

�You�� came a dark,
hellish voice that Inuyasha had never heard come from his brother before.� Soon the wind was rushing about him, and as
Sesshoumaru�s claws broke threw his skin and wrapped around his spine, all
Inuyasha could think was�

�shit�

Sesshoumaru flung the boy across the forest, aiming for the
biggest tree he could see.� His eyes
glowed red as the markings on his face became ragged.� Here before him was the biggest problem of
his life, this stain upon his family and honor, and the foul creature who had
found the newest problem in his life.�
How was it that this cur could always find more ways to ruin his life!

Inuyasha slowly stood after pulling himself out of the huge
tree he just felled.� His back was on
fire, and he knew that he was going to be in a hell of a lot of pain come
morning� if he was alive in the morning.�
He wasn�t so sure how to handle this fight.� Over the years, he had picked up on his
brother�s style and mannerisms, how he talked and how he fought, but his brother
was being fucking weird and Inuyasha didn�t know how to read him.� Sesshoumaru had always been so calm it was
freakish, but right now it was even creepier to see him so strung out and
angry.�

�What the fuck is up with you?� Inuyasha shouted, pulling his sword out of its scabbard.� �What the hell was that for?!�

Sesshoumaru�s response was to rush forward, faster than
Inuyasha could see and grab the boy�s shoulder, digging his claws in as he
brought his knee up into Inuyasha�s abdomen.�
Inuyasha lost his breath and staggered away before releasing the Wind
Scar against his brother.� He knew it
would miss, but it might give him some time to recover.� When did Sesshoumaru get so damn fast?�
They hadn�t fought in a long time, but he couldn�t have forgotten, could
he?

The demon lord dodged to the left and positioned himself so
he could use his one arm to its best when he was behind the boy.� He whipped his arm around and backhanded him
across the head, sending Inuyasha flying.

�Pathetic.� Sesshoumaru scoffed, sneering at his
brother.� �Has peace made you so weak?�

�What the fuck, Sesshoumaru?� Inuyasha replied, taking a
battle stance once he had recovered again. �What�s with the pissy
fit and why do I have to be a part of it?�
What�s got you so riled up?�

�Where�s your woman?� Sesshoumaru replied, ignoring his
brother�s questions. �Are you incapable of fighting properly without her?�

�Leave Kagome out of this!�
Inuyasha shouted angrily.� He didn�t know
where that question came from, or why Sesshoumaru cared, but he wasn�t going to
let the bastard near her. �She�s far away from here, so you can shut the fuck
up!�

Hearing her name made his mood sour even more.� He rushed Inuyasha again, getting underneath
the boy�s guard and plunging his hand through the boy�s chest.� Inuyasha coughed up blood and swung his sword
at Sesshoumaru, but he was too close for it to be effective.� Sesshoumaru removed his hand and was about to
repeat the action when Inuyasha released the Wind Scar once again, forcing
Sesshoumaru to dodge.� He had been too
close, though, and his shoulder had been injured.�

The pain of the injury brought him out of his rage, bringing
him back to his senses.� He eyed his
injured shoulder, examining it with his hand.�
The sensation of it, the pain from his touch, brought him back to
reality.� His eyes turned golden again as
he moved them to eye the bloody mess he had made of his brother.

Inuyasha was panting, his breathing labored.� He thought that last attack might have
damaged his lungs, but he wasn�t sure.�
All he knew was that it hurt like hell� just like the last fucking time
that bastard forced his hand through his chest! �He could see that his brother was changing though, returning to normal and no longer seemed quite so
murderous.�

�What the fuck, Sesshoumaru!� He shouted again. �What the
hell happened to you!�

�It�s none of your concern.�

�Excuse me!� I think this-� He stated, pointing at the hole in his chest, �-is part of
my concern!�� Sesshoumaru�s reply was to turn away, heading
south of his camp.�
��
�Hey!� Answer
me!�� Inuyasha followed after him, but
his vision was blurring.� When his
brother increased his stride, he was incapable of keeping up and soon collapsed
to the ground.� As he struggled to get
up, all he could think about was how oddly Sesshoumaru was acting.� What the hell had happened?

Sesshoumaru stopped when he was about a mile away from the
boy near a stream.� He dipped his hand
down into the water, watching the blood flow away as he wondered what he had
been thinking.� He hadn�t been thinking, he had just been so angry.�
He growled as his anger returned.�
He was always in control, yet in the last night he had become so angry
as to lose control of his reasoning not once but twice!� And it was all that
girl�s fault!

But he wasn�t going to let himself lose control again.� That wasn�t going to get him anywhere.� He needed to stay calm and think about this
rationally, or else he was no better than his brother!

It was obvious to him now that the girl�s diary was not
normal.� Or at least her dreams were not
normal.�� Not in the sense that they were
bizarre, but in that they were too accurate to be a coincidence.� How is it that she had perceived him so precisely,
when she knew nothing of him?� What�s
more, even if she could have somehow found out about his personal life (which
he doubted she could have), she would not have been able to do so in the short
amount of time her dreams had progressed.�
So why was she having them?� Were
they a premonition?

�Surely not.� He stated aloud,
disgusted by that idea.� That he should
willingly procreate with a human woman�

But that was what had made him so angry� that he had wanted
her story to continue, he wanted to know more.�
It should have disgusted him, the visions it had placed in his mind, the
idea of having sex with her� but it had not.�
He had felt himself reacting to it, and he could do nothing to stop
it.�

This was the opposite of everything he believed!� Nothing good came from consorting with her
kind.� His father�s death had been
because of his love for a human woman, and now here Sesshoumaru was, fighting
off the very thoughts that had led to his father�s demise.� Was his line cursed?

Sesshoumaru took deep, calming breaths and closed his eyes,
willing himself to let go of his anger.�
If this was a curse then he would undo it.� He could stop this�� He didn�t know what it would take, but he
would do it.� With that thought in mind,
he made his way back to camp.

Rin stared at the diary in her hands, wondering what it was
that had made her lord so angry.� It
didn�t seem so offensive, the characters were lovely whatever they said, but as
Rin had come to learn through her short life, lovely things didn�t always have
the loveliest intentions.� It must have
said something terrible, to had made her lord so unhappy, enough to just throw
it that way and leave in such a huff.�
And earlier that night, he had been angry too.� She rarely saw him so angry, and it was
frightening.�

Jaken glared at the diary scornfully as he passed by the
girl.� Rin gave him another pleading
look, as she had been asking him all morning to tell her what it said.� Jaken would have no part of it, though.� If it was enough that reading it made his
lord so angry, then imagine how angry he would be if Jaken read it, too.� What if it was a spy�s communications,
concerning Lord Sesshoumaru�s lands?� Or
secret messages between the other Lords?�
Lord Sesshoumaru surely wouldn�t want anyone else knowing about that,
and certainly not someone as lowly as Rin.�
No, he wouldn�t read it, he wouldn�t even touch it.

By noon, Sesshoumaru had returned and in a calmer state of
mind.� Rin greeted him cheerfully,
holding the diary in her lap.� He spotted
it instantly and made his way to her, ignoring his servant who gave deep
obeisance at his feet.� He held his hand
before her, silently demanding the diary.�
Rin gave him that look he was coming to hate, that willful look.�

�Sesshoumaru-sama,� She started,
continuing to hold the diary in her hands. �Can you please tell Rin what this
is?�

�Rin.� He demanded, glaring at her
and continuing to offer his hand.� Jaken
was yelling at the girl in the background, but no one seemed to notice him.

�Please, Sesshoumaru-sama.� Rin wants to know what it is.� In the five
years that Rin had traveled with him, she had yet to loose many of her childish
mannerisms, such using her own name in the first person, but she was starting
to gain more and more adult traits and he loathed it.� Why couldn�t she stay the charming little
girl he had met so many years ago?� She
was so much more obedient then.

�Rin.�
He repeated, putting more emphasis into his voice as
the power of his glare increased.� He was
in a terrible mood, and she was making it worse.� Rin seemed to finally realize that, and held her
breath in astonishment.� Sesshoumaru�s
mood soured even more, for he suddenly realized how similar this was to the
description in Kagome�s diary.� The girl
held up the diary to him, looking away shamefully and he took it and walked to
the fire.�

He stared at the diary in his hands, taking in the damage it
had taken over the years.� It hardly
seemed like such a dangerous thing, but that meant nothing in this world.� The most dangerous things were always the
smallest or the most beautiful or the most unassuming.� One�s first impression meant nothing,
anything and everything was dangerous.�
He should have destroyed the diary.�
He held it over the fire, ready to drop it.� He could hear Rin calling out in the background,
but he paid it no mind.� He should
destroy it.

But he could not bring himself to do it.� All he had to do was let go, yet he couldn�t
force his fingers to open.� Even now, he
still wanted to keep it, to read even more.�
How stupid could he be!� Suddenly,
a memory from Sesshoumaru�s youth came to mind, of a time when he still held
nothing but respect and awe for his Honorable Father.� His father had always seemed so wise, had
always made the best decisions, and he had wanted to know the secret to such
wisdom.

�The only secret to
wisdom is error.� He had replied laughing at his son�s confused face. �When I
was a young man, just finished with my adolescence, I made the stupidest
decisions I ever made in my whole life.�
Not because I didn�t know any better,� He said, giving Sesshoumaru a
look that caused the young boy to frown at the perceived jibe. �But because� I
don�t know, I was just being stupid.� I think every young man goes through that and
every man you talk to will have some story.�
But you know what, no matter how stupid those decisions that I made
were, I wouldn�t take any of them back.�
It was because of those stupid decisions that I was able to learn.�

Sesshoumaru looked upon the diary once again as he still
held it over the fire.� How stupid could
he be� wanting to keep it.� What good could possibly come of it?� Wouldn�t he regret it, continuing to read it�
or would he regret destroying it?� Which
one would he regret more?

Time seemed to stop as his mind tumbled over a million
different possibilities and outcomes.� If
this was a curse, which move would undo it?�
If he destroyed it now, what if he destroyed the only means of undoing
the curse?� Or if he continued to read,
wouldn�t that just bolster any spell that was there?� What would be the stupider decision, which
would be the one that he would not regret, when he looked back upon this stage
in his life?� Somehow, he thought he
could hear his father laughing in the back of his head, and it aggravated him
just as it used to when he was a youth. Glaring at the diary, and giving a
frustrated sigh, he turned away from the fire and headed away from the clearing
once again.�

Damn it!� So what if
he was being stupid!� He was the Lord of
the Western Lands, and he could do whatever he pleased.� If he wanted to make stupid decisions, he�d
make them!� He was going to read her
diary, all of it, and he would discover all of her secrets.� If there was a curse, he would find it and
destroy it.� He walked until he was far
enough away that his companions would not follow but he could still hear them,
he sat next to a tree and opened the diary to next legible entry that he could
find.

And that�s what
happened at Mount
Hakurei.� Wow, I can�t believe how many pages it took
to finish that up!�

Sesshoumaru looked back at how many pages it had taken
between this entry and the last and scoffed.�
She really could talk a good deal, couldn�t she?

It took so long, and
I�m not even done with everything that�s happened.� You see, after the mountain collapsed and
Naraku escaped, we went after him.� Along
the way, we encountered a monk with news of Kikyou-sama.�

Her again, Sesshoumaru thought.� The relationship between the two priestesses
is dangerous, there was no telling what could happen if those same souls came
into contact� He wanted to know if it had happened already, or if it could be
prevented.�

The look on Inuyasha�s
face when he was told of her� I couldn�t bear it.� I looked away, expecting him to leave, but he
didn�t.� His duty to us was in conflict
with his desire to find Kikyou-sama, and I didn�t
want that to hold him back� I also no longer wanted to see him struggling
against his duty to us, it hurt too much to see how much he cared for her.� So, I told him to go after her� and he didn�t
hesitate for a moment.

This whole situation was pathetic.� His brother yearned for a woman who no longer
lived, whether or not her body walked the earth, and the woman who could
absolve him of these foolish sentiments would do nothing to stop them.

But, it had been a
trap.� There really hadn�t been any news
of Kikyou-sama, the monk who told us this was a
corpse being controlled by Kagura.� When Inuyasha had left and gained a good
distance away from us, soldiers came with orders to �capture all suspicious
people in the area�.� We didn�t want to
fight them, and since they were ordinary people, we knew it would be easy to escape
them when we wished.

Sesshoumaru could see just how bad this was going to
become... why didn�t they just kill the damn soldiers?

We were taken to a
mansion where we soon saw that anyone who wasn�t who the Lady of the mansion
was looking for was killed� and there were quite a few bodies stacked up
already.� It turns out that I was the
person she was looking for, and they brought me into the mansion.

Oh, what did they want with her?� This seemed like quite a lot of effort just
to kill her, so Naraku must have had some use for her.

In her arms she had
what appeared to be an innocent baby, but I assure you that thing was not at all innocent.� It was a detachment of Naraku, completely
helpless on its own but capable of great power.�
It had the ability to invade a person�s soul and take hold of them,
which is what it intended to do with me.�
It wanted to take control of my soul so that I could become one of Naraku�s servants and locate the jewel shards for him.

This Sesshoumaru wonders how she foiled the creature�s
plans.� If it was so powerful as to
neglect its own body in favor of its abilities, it must surely be capable of
great feats.� How would an untrained
priestess undo it?� And it seemed that
the ability to see the individual shards was an inherent ability of the
priestess after all, as he had wondered before.�
It must come from the fact that she had been reborn with jewel, but what
did that mean for her connection to the jewel?�
How deeply connected were they?

It had to be in
contact with the one it wanted to corrupt, so they forced it upon me and soon I
could feel it� I can�t describe the feeling.�
It was horrible, as if it was digging around, looking for something
inside of me.� I felt like I was being
torn up.�

It was looking for
darkness in my soul, something that could be used to corrupt me.� I hate to say it, but it found it.� It was my jealousy and resentment of Inuyasha
and Kikyou-sama�s relationship, and the creature used
this to try and make me hate them.� It
would tell me how Inuyasha wouldn�t come back, how he had left me for the mere
hope that Kikyou-sama was still alive.� For a while, I couldn�t help but feel this
way, and I feel so ashamed now that I would think so poorly of Inuyasha.

But isn�t that exactly what he had done?� He had left her vulnerable to attack on the
mere rumor of Kikyou�s life.� Such
feelings should be natural.

Anyway, it seemed that
the creature couldn�t keep someone with spiritual power under its control
indefinitely, so it wanted to secure the hold it had on me with a tainted jewel
shard.� I was angry and afraid, I didn�t
want to be under Naraku�s control, just another
puppet of his, and I tried my hardest to break myself of its control.� It was sensing this, and trying to use the
same tactic against me, but now that I was used to it, I could see through it
and it wasn�t going to work anymore.

She was becoming even stronger than last time.� Sesshoumaru could remember the strength she
had been capable of at the final battle, so much stronger than in this
entry.� It seemed to be a trend, how she
had become stronger by fending for her life outside of Inuyasha�s
protection.� How many more times did he
abandon her and she fought for her own life, for her to become as strong as she
was now?

I told it that my
feelings of anger, resentment, and jealousy were normal.� I�m not perfect, and it�s only natural that I
would feel this way.� That doesn�t mean I
hate them and I certainly don�t want
to curse them.� I chose to be with
Inuyasha, knowing how he feels, so this is my burden to bear and I won�t let
anyone use it against me to hurt Inuyasha!��
This is because I love Inuyasha!

How vile.� After all
of the times he�s abandoned her and betrayed her, she would still defend the
wretch to her death.�

Just as I said this,
Inuyasha came busting through the doors, ready to save me!

It�s luck.

At the time, I was so
relieved to see him� but I�m rather embarrassed that he heard me shouting that
I love him�

Then you shouldn�t have said it.

But
anyway� I was so exhausted
after this and knowing that he was finally there, I fainted, so everything
afterwards is what everyone told me.�
Right after Inuyasha arrived, Miroku-sama and Sango-chan showed up, too.�
They thought that the creature might be the human heart of Naraku, but
he denied it.� He said that he felt
nothing, neither suffering nor regrets the way Onigumo�s
heart had done, and that the thousands of lumps of flesh that we saw in the
mountain had been Naraku�s heart.� This creature was capable of seeing into
hearts, capable of seeing their dark feelings and twisting them, so we think
that maybe he was the darkness of Naraku�s heart,
while those lumps of flesh were the feelings of love he had felt for Kikyou-sama.�

Disgusting creatures, both of them, Sesshoumaru thought,
thinking of the servant and the master.�
Naraku had taken away anything that made him remotely salvageable in the
afterlife, while maintaining that which will increase his punishment.� He must be suffering in the deepest depths of
Hell.

After hearing this,
Inuyasha released the Kaze no Kizu,
but the creature was able to create a barrier, and then Kanna
was able to throw it back at us.�

If Kanna was there then why did he
release it in the first place?� The boy
makes the stupidest decisions, one right after another.

We were able to dodge
it, though.� Afterwards, they flew off on
Kagura�s feather, and now we�re just trying to
recover.� I slept for a while afterwards,
but I�m still a little weak. A couple hours ago, I was able to talk to Inuyasha
alone.� He was so ashamed of putting me
in danger, and how my heart had been toyed with, that he apologized!� I know!�
The fact that
Inuyasha was willing to say that he
was sorry shows just how upset he was over the whole situation.

Which he should be.�� It was
entirely his fault.

He even promised to
never leave again, but I knew that was a lie and I called him on it.� He denied it, but I know what kind of guy he
is.� If he hears about Kikyou-sama, he�ll go.� I
know it.� And it will always make me mad,
but I love him, so I can�t help it.� ��

He�ll abandon her again, leaving her vulnerable and once
again she will have to fight for her life.�
Her strength now was testament to the many more times he would betray
her.� It would be better for her if she
abandoned him.

Now I�ve finally
filled you in, Diary.� That�s everything
that�s happened so far.� I�m so glad I could write it all down, I
always feel better after taking the time to write it all down.� I�m able to really think it over and I see things
I missed before.� But, I really need to
rest now, so I�m going to stop.�
Hopefully my next entry won�t be so long.� Bye!

Sesshoumaru was disgusted by this whole affair.� How is it that he could be related to
Inuyasha, how his Honorable Father�s blood could run through that whelp�s
veins?� Did the boy have no honor along
with no sense?�
He took Kagome into his protection, yet he abandons her for his own
selfish reasons.� And she does nothing
about it!� Her love for the boy was so
strong that she would overlook the betrayals against her.� Great lords dream of a vassal who held just a
drop of such loyalty, but is she ever repaid for her sacrifices?� No, in the end, everything will be taken away
from her.�

If it were this Sesshoumaru, this would never happen.

/////////////////////////////////////////////

Yes, finished.� This
chapter was a little short, though� and no foot notes either� I�m kind of sad
about that.�

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The Diary