Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

DIRL	By : sherlock Category: InuYasha > Yaoi - Male/Male > InuYasha/Sessh?maru > InuYasha/Sessh?maru Views: 6787 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor do I profit from this story in any way.

Chapter List
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A/N: Honey, I’m home.
Summary: When his friend begged him to help her send a text to her newly acquainted foreign boyfriend-to-be, he had thought it was a one-time thing. Obviously it wasn’t. Curiosity quickly sprouted, but at the end of the day, who was really doing the talking?
Dirl by sherlocks.
dirl—(v.) to thrill, to vibrate, to penetrate; to tremble or quiver

He supposes not just anyone gets cockblocked by inanimate objects, so Inuyasha decides to count it as a win. Whether or not his dignity is still intact is a whole other story, but hey, he’s never been one to blether.
Today proved to be one of those days. The ones that made him wish he wasn’t as nice as he actually is or as capable as he’d let be known. The ones where he wanted to just say ‘fuck you very much and have a nice day’ to everyone he sees so that he could be done with it all. And the ones where he inevitably digs his own grave regardless of how much he whines. Because today, he was going to have to get an important contract signed and deal with Kagome and her insufferable pining.
Inuyasha takes his Americano with an extra espresso shot that morning.
As soon as he arrives at work, he is notified that Druxy’s security systems have been compromised—and that’s pretty fucking portentous considering Druxy’s in the business of computer security. While the employees and interns freak out and stink up the cubicles with the smell of sweat and frustration, Inuyasha instructs the best IT guys to hold off the attack the best they can for 10 minutes. He says 10 because he knows that’s exactly how long it’ll take him to call the president, who’ll then panic for a bit himself before being urged to fix the problem from home. His boss may be timid, gullible even, but Inuyasha knew he sat on the throne because he was the best at what he did.
Inuyasha had been wrong though. The situation was fixed in 8 minutes, and he sends the fastest of all the drivers they had under employment to the president’s home seconds later.
As he waits for his boss to arrive to HQ, Inuyasha dials the direct line to S Corporate’s executive office. The secretary, whose voice Inuyasha recognizes, answers just as the elevator pings its arrival.
“Hello, you’ve reached S Corp, how can I help you?” Inuyasha hops on and punches the floor number that held his personal office.
“Good morning, Ms. Abbcott.” He sings in the cheeriest voice he can muster. “This is Inuyasha calling from Druxy. Please inform your direct supervisor that should she require another demonstration of our team’s capabilities in the near future, a simple request would suffice. We promise to show her something a little less rudimentary next time.”
“Ah, um…”
“We’re still on for this afternoon, yes? Thanks, darling.”
And because Inuyasha is nothing less than professional, he hangs up before he reaches his desk. He was on clock now, after all. Inuyasha makes last minute preparations for his boss’ arrival and it was with great effort that he calms him down later, after he tells the man of the real reasons behind the cyber-attack.
“So—so you’re saying they were testing us?”
“Yes, sir. That would also explain why you didn’t find any real damage to our infrastructure upon mediating the situation.”
“It certainly wasn’t a typical attack.”
“Exactly, sir. I’m sure S Corp would have pulled some strings regardless, but seeing as how they hardly seem trustworthy at this moment, I’ve personally made sure no news of this morning’s events will be leaked to the media. Your appointment with S Corp’s president, however, remains scheduled for 3:00pm this afternoon. Shall I cancel, sir?”
It was a bad idea of course, given that S Corp’s cooperation could propel Druxy’s name to all corners of the industry, but Inuyasha needed to be reassured that his boss understood the consequences as well.
“No. It’s fine. I am interested in how they’ll react, truthfully.” He offers Inuyasha a grin, one that Inuyasha returns.
“Excellent, sir.”
When lunch steals him away, Inuyasha spends a few minutes praying (actually praying) to the gods almighty for Kagome to be sick in bed, constipated, on her period, whatever it took for her to miss her appointment with him.
Merciful God, his ass.
Kagome was merry as fuck, much to Inuyasha’s utter dismay. He swears he was seeing pink where pink absolutely should not be. Maybe even a few flowers, too, but he’s too scared to replay the revolting scenes over in his head. Whether or not Kagome was on her period was debatable, he thinks. The real nightmare though, came in the form of a sign. It flashed the word “CLOSED” and spelled the end of Inuyasha’s sugar-deprived world. How the fuck can he be expected to survive this travesty without proper pecan tiramisu?
They substitute for a nearby bar & grill instead, and though he adamantly screams the beginning of the apocalypse upon dear Kagome’s ears, she assures his friend (slave), that she is very much lacking in the fucks to be given. And so, begrudgingly, Inuyasha reads the response from Mr. Casanova aka. Mr. Asshole, henceforth called Baron Blue Balls:
‘An apology that requires permission to be given defeats its purpose, don’t you think? And at the rate you’re going, you’ll end up owing me more than one.’
“Jesus fuck.” Inuyasha groans, thumping his forehead against the surface of the wooden table with much hatred of all things living. Because of fucking course Baron Blue Balls had to be a sassy motherfucker with possibly more than half a brain and a severe superiority complex.
Inuyasha hated those.
“What? What’s wrong? What’d he say?” Kagome inquires much too keenly, with a hint of newly positioned uneasiness. Inuyasha decides to be a big boy.
“You really know how to pick them, Kagome.” He chuckles, somewhat defeated, and sends off a reply:
‘You’re absolutely right. Why don’t you give me an account number and I’ll send you the medical fee required to remove that poll from up your tight ass? I’ll even add in a little extra because something tells me you’ll need follow-up appointments.’
“What does that mean? And what’d you just send? Come on, Inuyasha!” Inuyasha snorts; let the pouting begin.
“Don’t worry, don’t worry. Your little friend’s just playing a little hard to get. Just let me handle th—” ding goes Kagome’s phone, an interruption that indicated a new incoming text, and Inuyasha can’t help quirking an eyebrow at the now-dubious little device. “Kagome, I think we’re finally getting some results here.” He pulls up the new message:
‘And what would you know about tight asses, Ms. Dianthus?’
Inuyasha actually has to hold himself back with that one, because a) Kagome was right there, and b) two can play at that game. Ignoring Kagome’s inquisitive eyes, he makes an effort to save his new conversation partner’s number in Kagome’s phone contacts under the name “Baron Blue Balls”, with the nickname, BBB. In English of course, because Kagome wasn’t that scandalous (but he definitely could be), and then just like that, he’s offering BBB tit for tat to pass the remainder of his lunch break:
‘What it’s like to have one, of course.’
‘Oh, really? I thought I was the expert on that.’
‘You misunderstood, Sir Jack. You are the expert of being one. A common mistake.’
‘You’ve known me all of 20 minutes. It wouldn’t do to assume, little girl.’
‘If by little, you mean you’re an old man or if you’re inferring that you have pedophilic tendencies, you need to warn me right now so that I can expunge your entire existence from this phone. Otherwise, you can rest assured, because reading people is kind of my thing.’
‘Alas, I did not use that approach earlier. Certainly would have saved me much time and annoyance.’
‘You’re funny.’
‘Hilarious, even.’
‘You must have lost the sarcasm in there somewhere.’
‘I thought amusing you was part of the job description of a tightass.’
‘Oh, are you confessing?’
‘Not at all. At least, not until you do.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘It’s obvious you’re not the girl I had the unfortunate chance of encountering at the club the other night.’
‘Now you’ve really lost me.’
‘You’re much too literate; her English was subpar at best. ‘This phone’ as opposed to ‘my phone’. And let’s just say reading people is likewise a part of my nature.’
“What the hell is this?” Put off, Inuyasha confronts Kagome, “You didn’t tell me this guy was different from all the guys you’re normally interested in.”
Kagome draws a blank face. “What do you mean?”
“I mean this guy’s IQ is higher than a slug’s, for once.” Admittedly, Inuyasha deserved the elbow jab to the chest that time. “Seriously Kagome, I don’t think he’s the right guy for you. Not that I’m insulting your intelligence, but having money is one thing, and being willing to spend that money on your girlfriend is a completely different story. Plus, this guy’s a total douchebag. Trust me.” He pinches his nose in a disapproving fashion, just to bring the message home.
“Stop discouraging me! He was a total gentleman to me when we met. He isn’t like that!” Anger erupts up Kagome’s neckline at the blind accusations; any good girlfriend would stand up for her man, she thinks.
“I’m not kidding, Kagome. I’m pretty sure this guy just called you stupid, albeit in a roundabout way, but still. I know I’ve said this before, but I’m going to say it again in case you forgot: boys with sizable dicks are in fact, actual dicks. And this guy right here? Epitome of that law, babe.”
“If you didn’t want to help me, you could have just said so! Why do you have to be such a jerk?!” Kagome reaches to swipe her phone from Inuyasha’s grasp but he dodges; whether Kagome likes it or not, the text conversation had gotten personal and he doesn’t want to let a guy who’s already breaking his friend’s heart think that he has any right to the last word.
“You know I don’t think that way, Kagome.” Inuyasha sighs as reality finally sets in for Kagome; he hates that thing she does with the quivering lips. It gets him every goddamn time. He gives her a quick hug and declares, “Whether you believe or not, this guy just insulted you, and in no universe am I letting that slide. So I’m going to send back one last text and let that be the end of it. And then we can go grab some brain-freezing ice cream, okay? My treat.”
“…But you never pay for food.” His best girlfriend (on most days) chokes and sniffles into his collar.
“Well, if you’d rather I keep that track record…” He trails off, but when Kagome pinches him near his nipple, he makes haste to take it back. They let go just before they reach the threshold of time that inclined awkward stares from the public and then Inuyasha fires off one last reply to Baron Blue Balls:
‘Then read this: fuck you and good day.’
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