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A First Time For Everything	By : MiztikalDragon Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Rin > Sessh?maru/Rin Views: 18537 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.

Chapter List
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Disclaimer: Do not own a damn thing, unless it is the booze I was sipping while writing out this little short.


                This story is a companion piece to “Painters” (writing exercise). I guess it is a little OOC, but sometimes that cannot be helped. I recommend listening to the song.

                A First Time for Everything

“Kiss it all better” –He is We

“Happy Birthday Sesshomaru!”

                They were supposed to be happy words, something to lift his spirits and enjoy the day that had signified his entry into the world. Instead it reminded him of the misery he could not get rid of, it reminded him on how even a man as stoic and strong as himself could be rendered nothing more than a crying child. Sesshomaru did not want to listen to the carefree voice, did not want to be reminded of the pain; however, like an addict he found himself replaying it, saving it and fueling the ache he felt in his heart. “I’ll be over at your place around eight or so, I just have to run a few more errands. Hope you get this message before then.”

                There were reasons why he did not like celebrating holidays, why he had kept to himself for so long. It was easier than feeling this way. Days moved slowly, so slow that half the time he wondered if they moved at all. He worked, not because he liked to, no—not anymore, he worked because it allowed his mind to shut down, no errant thoughts, and no emotions he could not handle. He worked because without it he was unsure how to stay sane.

“Sir?” The voice was soft and slightly hesitant and sighing heavily he saved the spreadsheet he had been working on and glanced at the woman calling for his attention.

“Yes?” He pulled the wire-framed glasses from his face and set them down on his desk.

"I'll be leaving for the night," He nodded and watched woman shoulder the large purse she carried, her cartoon covered scrubs doing nothing to improve the mood of the room.

                The woman did not wait for him to get up from behind his desk, she did not expect him to walk her out to her car despite the late hour nor did she require a verbal dismissal having been under his employment for the past several months. Sesshomaru waited silently until he heard the click of the front door closing before he rose, his long legs carrying him out of his office and to the door, turning the deadbolt and securing the chain. It was added protection he would have never believed in before now; however, it was a precaution he needed to help ease his mind. He needed added protection, not for himself but for the precious treasure he kept within his home, the reason for his pain.

                The entire house was void of sounds besides the beeping of monitors and the crackle of a baby monitor. He sighed heavily allowing his gaze to wander over the fine furnishings, the leather couches and expensive paintings that littered his home. He had spent years curating them, hunting them down and adding them to his collection and never once had he thought that parting with them would be an option. Several pieces however, no longer collected dust, their faint left over shadow reminding him that his job did not procure enough monetary gain as he would have liked. Clients did not want the help of a man who thought of something other than them, did not want a distraction and his middle name was now 'distracted'. Sure, he still got by, quite decently in fact; but in home nursing assistants were not cheap and his health insurance would not cover the expense, so everything was out of pocket.

                No longer did he dine out at extravagant restaurants or buy expensive handmaid suits, he had become more frugal in his spending habits, tossing more than half of his paycheck into a savings account in hopes that he could keep himself afloat if the worst happened and he found himself unable to continue working. Several members of his family offered to help with the skyrocketing bills, their eyes showing him pity and pain and he refused. He did not want to see the look in their faces directed at him, he had to find a way to keep himself above water emotionally and could not do it if they felt sorry for him. Sesshomaru was stronger than that, he would get through his.

                The microwave buzzed loudly and he removed the now heated frozen dinner from it, the smell making him slightly nauseous, there was no getting used to the overly processed food, the cardboard taste of mystery meat filled with nitrates and unhealthy fats. He would endure this dark time and the hope he wanted to believe in was locked tightly in his chest. The frozen dinner was dumped down the garbage disposal after a few bites and instead Sesshomaru found himself pouring a fifth of scotch into a glass and welcoming the burn of the beverage as it slid down his throat and warmed his stomach.

                It was easier to forget his lack of an appetite when alcohol was involved. He did not care if his slacks no longer fit, that he had to make new slots for his belt or that he was thinner than he had been in several years, but he ate enough to keep him going. When the last of the scotch was emptied from his glass, he sighed heavily rinsing out the glass and placing it into the dishwasher, the night would only continue to grow later, the silence of his home growing unbearable until dawn greeted him and a new day began.

“Sesshomaru,” his brother InuYasha’s voice disturbed the silence and it startled him until he realized that it was his answering machine. When had his phone rang? Was it on silent again? “Dad’s flown down for the next week or two, he’s been asking about how you’re doing and wants to see you. I’ll be bringing him over tomorrow afternoon. He’s worried about you,” there was a pause and a heavy sigh “We are all worried about you. Call me when you get this.”

                He wanted to delete the offending message, pretend that he had ever heard his brother’s apparent concern and go on with his night, but he could not find the strength to push the button. He did not want to admit that he was slowly drowning, that he needed help, not when he was too independent. He did not want his family or anyone else for that matter know that he was weak, that he was hurting, despite knowing that they already knew. His fingers switched lights off as he made his rounds around the house, picking up clothing he had dropped carelessly and putting them away.

                His home was a ghost town, he mused while changing his clothing for a pair of comfortable flannel pants and a t-shirt. They were a gift, one that he now cherished and hated as he felt a pang of pain pierce his chest. They had the superman insignia all over, the bottoms slightly frayed from age and constant wear, yet he would continue to sleep in them until they fell apart at the seams, and perhaps longer still. The large king-sized bed was made and sterile, blankets pulled tightly across the mattress and he eyed it, ignoring the bitterness swelling in his chest. He had not slept in his bed in easily nine or so months, the same length of time that misery had been a living companion in his life.

                How could he sleep in a bed that was a reminder to something he no longer had? It hurt him too much to try, made him feel lonely and angry, so he avoided it. Instead, he wandered down the darkened hallway into the guest room, fluorescent light hurting his eyes until they adjusted to the harsh light. The room was once been filled from floor to ceiling with bookshelves, a tribute to his once comfortable lifestyle, though now it was filled with a twin sized bed and several high-tech machines. His personal effects were long since boxed up and placed into storage, where he was certain they would stay until his money began to run out.

                Thoughts like that left a bad taste in his mouth, it made him feel unworthy of all the happy moments and memories he experienced. Shaking them from his mind, Sesshomaru settled himself in the uncomfortable chair next to the monitors and bed, and focused his attention to the creature that was the cause of all his grief. Some nights he tried hard to believe that his reality was all a dream, that the woman lying prone in the bed in front of him was only asleep and would wake with a silly smile on her face, her eyes laughing at his worry and unfounded anxiety. She would not wake—he already knew as much.

“Sesshomaru,” his father’s voice echoed down the halls, he would have to find his phone and turn on the ringer, and he would eventually have to start answering it again if he did not want his brother attempting to break down his front door, again… “It’s your father, InuYasha is picking me up from the airport and I would like to stop by and see you. I understand what you are going through, I know that it hurts, but it will get better I promise. Please don’t shut us out, you don’t have to do this alone…”

                Her hand was warm in his and just as smooth as he remembered. If he looked close enough under the harsh lighting he could see the faint scars and stich marks that marred her alabaster skin. It had taken a long time for him to grow confident enough to touch her again without the fear that it would hurt her. Did she even feel pain now? A lump formed in the back of his throat remembering every bruise and cut, every gash and bandage that covered her, they made her look alien and nothing like the beautiful woman he had fallen so helplessly in love with. The surgeons who operated on her could only shake their heads at his questions, their expertise telling him that she may be alive on the outside, but there was no guarantee that she was still with him on the inside.

                It was the machines that kept her alive at first, her heart having stopped several times before she even made it to the nearest hospital. One of the paramedics was a friend of the family, if the term friend was used loosely and Sesshomaru’s heart broke every time he relived that night.

Dinner was prepared and waiting in the oven, a bottle of champagne chilling in a bucket of ice and he was finishing a few spreadsheets for work that could have easily waited. She claimed to be minutes away and a glance at the clock told him that she was over an hour late but he did not mind too much, as sometimes she let time simply get the best of her. She would arrive though, he knew that much and when she did they would celebrate his thirtieth birthday the way she had begged for.

“Sesshomaru!” A pounding at his door startled him and he saved his work, rolling up his sleeves to his elbows, leave it to his brother InuYasha to interrupt his plans for a quiet dinner with her. “Sesshomaru open up! It’s an emergency!”

“Go away InuYasha,” he replied debating if he would answer the door.

“Open the door you asshole!” There had been something wrong in his brother’s tone, something that pulled at the back of his mind. “Koga called, Rin’s been in an accident, we’ve got to go to the hospital!”

“You promised no practical jokes,” Sesshomaru frowned opening the door. InuYasha’s hair was a mess, his shirt untucked and in complete disarray.

“You’re lying!” How he had gotten to the hospital Sesshomaru did not know; however he could feel his world falling apart as he struggled out of the arms that held him back. “YOU’RE LYING!”

                There was blood on his shirt, on his knuckles but he did not care. Sesshomaru had seen her through the small emergency room window, faceless hospital personnel swirling around her in a mess of color and shouts, her blood spilling from numerous wounds, her black hair falling off the gurney like a rainbow of darkness. His whole world was tipping on its axis, people he did not know touching his precious Rin, slicing her open chest, putting tubes down her throat and nose, hurting her and his family was trying to keep him from going to her.

                She died twice in front of his own eyes, his yells ignored as family and strangers alike wrestled him out of the halls and towards the waiting room. This was not happening to him, to them!

“Rin,” Sesshomaru had been unable to say her name aloud, too afraid that if he said it she would simply vanish and he would be left truly alone. It had been a horrible accident, they told him. An elderly man simply had a seizure while driving home and lost control of his vehicle, the one that slammed into Rin and somehow the force of one vehicle hitting hers was enough to send her sedan over the freeway overpass and down onto oncoming traffic. Sesshomaru was told that Rin was lucky, that the traffic had been light and that her car had not landed on another or else she would have died instantly.

                Instead she was alive, but in a coma, machines monitoring her to alert Sesshomaru if she slipped away from him. He could have kept her at the hospital, at home care, he was warned might not be what was best for her condition, but he did not think he could handle seeing her in a cold place. The hospital staff did not know Rin like Sesshomaru, she needed him close by, to help her get better. He needed her to be close.

“P-Please,” he whispered brokenly as he slid into the bed next to her still form, his lips pressing a chaste kiss on her forehead. He was breaking all over again. “Please come back to me.”


He held her lightly in his arms, the soft even pulls of her breath lulling him into a light sleep. He already spent one birthday waiting in utter agony, he did not want to spend this one with pain in his chest and alone. There had to be a miracle waiting with her name on it, his Rin deserved one and he would try to be strong for the both of them.

                Tomorrow he would ask for help.

                E/N: I’m already starting the last part to this little story, not certain on how it will turn out, but hope for the best.
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A First Time For Everything