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A First Time For Everything	By : MiztikalDragon Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Rin > Sessh?maru/Rin Views: 18537 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.

Chapter List
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Disclaimer: Do not own a damn thing, unless it is the booze I was sipping while writing out this little short.

This was surprisingly easy to write until the end, I’m not sure how I feel about it, but I had a good chuckle after I cried a little (yes, I am silly that way) I recommend listening to the song while you read, I know I did while writing! Lol ENJOY!

A First Time for Everything

“Change” --Carrie Underwood

                The months seemed to blend together now that he no longer had access to the center of his world, he no longer had a concept of time. All he knew was that at some point the sun would rise and eventually it would set. His home was always quiet besides the blips and beeps of the machines that kept his remaining sanity intact. No longer could he stand the sounds of music or the television set. They reminded him of what it meant to be human and happy.

                His heart ached, letting him know that he was still able to feel, a throb he found himself unable to rub away. Life had become difficult to handle, so much once he reached his breaking point, his family worried if he was capable of taking care of himself. Truthfully, he doubted it himself and the moment he asked for help he felt as if he lost a part of himself he could not get back.

                His father held him in a tight embrace not felt since he was a young boy and he had melted under the strength. Sesshomaru cried that night, deep quaking sobs bruising his ribs and leaving him unable to stand. His world already crumbled, rebuilt itself on defective molding and was now turning into dust. He did not know how much longer he would be able to carry on as he did.

                No longer was there sunshine in his life, the blackened tunnel long and unyielding, claws of depression tearing at his skin and his wounds never healing. His father stayed with him for the following two weeks before work demanded his return, and for Sesshomaru it was both a blessing and a curse.

                With his father there Sesshomaru was forced to interact with people, forced to hold an intelligent conversation and it reminded him that though he might feel dead on the inside, he was still breathing. Cursed because he could not escape the reality that one tiny woman had the power to pull the rug out from underneath him and destroy him. He missed her.

                She was everything he wanted and even if she was still with him in the physical sense, she was slowly killing him. He woke every morning in a cold sweat, the night of his thirtieth birthday replaying in his dreams and each time he rushed to her room to make sure she was still breathing. Making sure that the monitors were still working properly. She was not dead, but neither was she alive, and seeing her in the constant state of in between began to make him bitter.

                If she had died he could have forced himself to move on with his life. It would have been the most painful thing he had to do, but it would have let him build a shell around his heart. He would mourn, but the knowledge that she was in a better place would have eased the ache of losing her. He was not a spiritual man, but the idea of place of heaven for Rin was better than watching her practically lifeless day in and day out.

                It was a horrible feeling that he could not squash; however, the idea of pulling the plug and allowing her to simply pass on was not something Sesshomaru was strong enough to do. He did not have to admit it, his stubbornness was plain to see and he was grateful that his family never brought up the subject. Fate or destiny had to have something planned for him, otherwise they would have taken Rin from him when were presented with the option. She had to be in there somewhere, waiting in the dark for the day she would be set free and allowed to return to him.

“Have you finished the file yet?” His father’s voice was soft and questioning. His entire family treated him with kid gloves, not willing to decipher his mood and risk an explosion of emotions ranging from uncaring to rage.

“No,” Sesshomaru put the pen down on the desk, his eyes straining to read the words he had been staring at for several minutes.

                After his little episode, his father tried convincing him to move closer to home where he could be around family. At first he refused, he did not want his family to witness his pain, despite his initial tears; however, his decision was made for him when the nurse he hired to watch over Rin tried to play God and end his suffering. He had come home from the office (something he had been unable to avoid) to hear the machines keeping Rin alive screaming for attention. His heart had plummeted into his stomach as he dropped the files in his hand and his briefcase, papers flying out and littering his floor.

                He arrived home an hour earlier than he had told the caretaker, only to find her standing over his Rin, a pillow placed firmly over her face slowly suffocating to death. Never before had Sesshomaru hit a woman, but no one begrudged him for breaking the woman’s arm and fracturing a few of her ribs. The police officers who arrested him gave him the courtesy of waiting for his brother InuYasha to arrive before handcuffing Sesshomaru and hauling him down on assault and battery charges, to which he was grateful for.

                Rin had been rushed to the hospital later than night while Sesshomaru waited for his bail to be paid when the machine hooked to her oxygen malfunctioned and InuYasha panicked. Sesshomaru did not bother to fight his family anymore once he was released and had Rin transported to his father’s home where more eyes could keep watch. A suit was filed against the caretaker and currently still pending.

                Sesshomaru wanted to believe that he did not need his family to help him, that he was still capable of doing everything that was needed, but after the first week, he realized how little he had slept before. Izayoui, his stepmother forced him back into the living world, engaging him in conversations that required him to use his brain. She refused to let him live as if he was a mindless zombie and though he hated it, he appreciated her effort. She was not the type to let a dog to hide in a corner to lick its wounds and it reminded him of Rin.

                Izayoui made him miss Rin so desperately.

“Sesshomaru?” Izayoui’s tone was light and pleasant, snapping him out of his thoughts.

                More time had passed without him noticing, the shadows falling over the wood of his desk telling him that the sun was setting, another day lost. How much longer would he stay stuck where he was, just drifting through life without a hint of when or where he was? How many more days, weeks, months or years would it take until he was completely hollow inside and out?

“Yes?” Even his own voice was devoid of life. It should have scared him, but it did not.

“You look exhausted,” her hands touched his shoulders, squeezing them gently in a mothering gesture, he could feel the concern and worry pouring out of her. “Why don’t you take a break for the night and go lay down? I’m sure your father can finish up on his own.”

                Sesshomaru paused for a moment, his tired eyes glancing down at the file in front of him. He was not surprised besides a few misspelled words littering the legal document, his mind was no longer interested in anything other than his mental stability (or lack thereof). Moving the pen on the desk, he sighed heavily, his fingers subconsciously slipping to the bridge of his nose attempting in vain to relieve some of the pressure building in his head. She was right.

"Alright," no fight was left in him as he acquiesced docilely to Izayoui's suggesting, allowing her to herd him out of the office and down the hall to the bedroom in which he stayed.

"Get some rest Sesshomaru," her motherly gestures should have been left to someone better able to receive them as intended, but he nodded faintly before closing the door behind him.

Sleep was doubtful with the errant thoughts multiplying by the hundredths, yet he attempted while slipping off his slacks in favor of one of the few pairs of novelty pajamas he had left. It took him a moment to process his surroundings having forgotten to turn on the fluorescent lights, but once he recognized the glass of water and two white pills on his nightstand he could have laughed. Izayoui was a sneaky, underhanded and yet thoughtful creature. It amused him to think she had manipulated him to his room where she obviously placed a pair of sleeping pills in a location he could not avoid.


The medication left Sesshomaru with an unsavory aftertaste and severe cottonmouth and after a moment of weighing the pros and cons, he picked up the small pills and swallowed them with a sip of water. They felt heavy in his stomach, like an ominous cloud. He paid no mind to it readying himself for bed, going through the monotonous routine of washing his face and brushing his teeth, foregoing flossing as he had no real motivation to do so. Running his fingers through his hair, Sesshomaru patted his face dry and wiped his bottom lip, his eyes not quite reaching up to his reflection. He did not want to look at himself just then.

"Your mother thought it best for you to call it quits tonight," his father stood with his hip leaning against Sesshomaru's dresser, arms crossed loosely over his chest.

"Father," he did not want to start a fight, but his reaction was habit, "Izayoui is not my mother, please refrain from referring to her as such in my presence."

                This was an age-old argument, one neither of them had been able to win and on any other occasion Sesshomaru would have scoffed and continued to heatedly debate it ignoring the truth that he cared dearly for his father's second wife. Instead, he sat on the edge of the bed, picking up the two pills on his nightstand with a feeling of deja vu before chasing them down his throat with the half-empty glass from his nightstand.

The thick air disappeared from the room surrounding him once he set the glass back down, his father's amber eyes filled with pity and concern. The look was one of the many reasons why Sesshomaru was unable to look at his own reflection---he did not want to see those eyes reflecting from his own face. He did not want to see the evidence of his downward spiral into depression.

"Well either way," his father cleared his throat louder than needed, his silver hair falling over his dark silk covered shoulders like a meteor shower in the dead of night. His family always had a flare for the dramatics in spite of it consisting mainly of the male gender. "Your mother would like for you to join us tonight for dinner if you are up for it, InuYasha is here and we haven't had a family dinner in a long time."

                Since before Rin's accident, Sesshomaru mentally added biting back the pangs of desperation filling his chest. Rin had been the referee between his and InuYasha's "childish" quarreling, a godsend to their father and Izayoui, though Sesshomaru doubted there would be any disagreements tonight. He was not up to eating with them, he already knew such; however, his feelings aside, an appearance by him was definite. They were watching his eating habits, thanks to basic stubborn pigheadedness in the family and the slimness of his waning muscle mass. Sesshomaru was positive they had every right to be worried, if he had the strength to, he would be as well.

                Dinner, much to his surprise was quiet and almost enjoyable. InuYasha was his arrogant self, yet his younger brother had the world to be grateful for. Kagome was pregnant, again, and they were eagerly anticipating the new arrival to their ever-growing family. It made Sesshomaru slightly bitter. InuYasha, after all, was the younger of the two of them and ignoring that Sesshomaru in his earlier years was repulsed by the idea of actively participating in the overpopulation of the country, it was the simple fact that HE did not have the option. Childish jealousy was never beneath Sesshomaru, he however, knew how to hide it better from people.

"It's good to see you smile again," InuYasha grabbed Sesshomaru, pulling him into an awkward hug. Sesshomaru did not mind the brotherly gesture as much as he would have in the past, the contact from another person helped calm his nerves.

"Do not flatter yourself," he said instead, shoving his hands into his pockets trying to calm his rapidly beating heart, he was starting to feel sluggish. "I have not been sleeping well these last few weeks, I was thinking about Rin."

                The startled expression on Sesshomaru's face amused him, his eyebrows rising in a curious arch baiting InuYasha to say anything else. Simple pleasures, Sesshomaru only had a few left available to him and so what if he exploited them every once in a while. Instead of retorting in the usual InuYasha fashion, his brother merely excused himself, turning and slipping down the hallway. Rolling his eyes was juvenile and Sesshomaru refrained, just barely choosing to excuse himself as well from the dining room in favor of a room he found more tranquil.

                The hums and steady beeps of the monitors helped relaxing the muscles in his back and shoulders, the soft light easing the strain on his eyes he had not noticed earlier. Rin's bed was in the middle of the room, surrounded by floral wallpaper Izayoui felt would help anchor Rin to the real world. It was an empty room besides the necessities, sterile and uninviting, just how Sesshomaru preferred it.

He did not care if others came and went, though he knew they seldom did. He was told on countless occasions that it was cruel and unusual, and destroying him little by little, holding onto her as he did. They did not understand that he could not continue living now if he had to place her in a grave or an urn. She was too deep in his tiny hollowed out heart, chained to his arteries and he would not even attempt to try to remove her from her place.

                His hands trailed gently over the white linen blanket that covered her pale flesh keeping her from the chill in the air-conditioned house. She appeared to be merely sleeping, the blankets tucked under her arms, her long raven hair flowing around her in a halo of black. Her small lips were pouted, even in her death like sleep, her long lashes teasing him and filling him with emotions he saved only for her to see. He kissed her forehead gently, smiling softly at the memories that infiltrated his head of all the nights spent with the woman below him and the way she laughed, loud and unyielding, her appetite for him vivacious and spontaneous. She believed in loving life she lived, with everything she had in her, the saying "Go all out or go home" her creed of sorts.

                Left unsupervised for more than a few moments, Sesshomaru was not surprised when the door opened behind him and his brother entered. His family was not known for their sense of privacy after all and he sighed heavily throwing an irritated glance over his shoulder. InuYasha did not glare back, his usual trademark response, instead holding up a glass of water and a bottle with a determination that no longer bothered Sesshomaru. His stomach protested, his amber eyes watching his brother open the bottle, three white pills spilling onto his open palm. Sesshomaru already knew what his brother wanted, what his entire family wanted from him so he denied himself a snort of disgust.

“Please,” InuYasha rarely asked him for anything that was not found as important, yet ignoring the way his body protested at the thought of what those pills would do to him, he washed them down his throat without a fight. The sooner InuYasha’s worries were put to rest, the sooner Sesshomaru would be free from those hauntingly watchful eyes.

“Are you satisfied?” his stomach was beginning to cramp, his fingers tingling numbly and all he wanted to do was lie down and sleep. How odd…

“No,” InuYasha retorted softly, his hand rubbing the back of his neck guiltily. “But thanks for humoring me.”

“Leave me,” he sat at the edge of Rin’s bed, his gaze fixing on her and counting the seconds until his command was followed.

                The quiet click of the door closing behind his brother relaxed the few stubborn muscles in his lower back. Rolling his shoulders tiredly, Sesshomaru fitted himself on the bed alongside Rin, maneuvering her head to lie on his chest. He was ready to sleep now, ready to slip into a dream world where Rin was alive, laughing and most important to him, holding him close.

0-o-0

‘Mommy wake up!’ The clouds were white and beautiful, the sky bluer than anything she had seen outside a watercolor painting but the tiny voice was insistent and she could not ignore it. Time moved slower than she was used to feeling almost dream like sometimes, yet how could she be dreaming when her life was exactly how it was supposed to be? She was married to the man she had been in love with for more than a decade, blessed with two small children that resembled both her and her husband in the best of ways and she was happy.

                Life was not always sunshine and rainbows, the rain was still cold and some nights were frightening; however, it was her life and she was thankful for it. The tugging on her skirt was persistent and she smiled at the brown haired girl barely tall enough to reach her hip, a pair of expressive molten amber eyes staring up at her. Her daughter would be five in the summer and Rin could not help but feel at a loss at how quickly she was growing. Soon enough it would be time for school and the idea of it was thrilling and worrisome all wrapped together in a jumble of other emotions she could not quite place.

‘What’s up baby?’ her arms pulled her daughter into a light hug, the small child squirming uncharacteristically in her arms. It made Rin frown at the protesting child.

‘You need to wake up mommy, it’s time to go!’ Alarms were going off in her head, something was not right and she could not place her finger on it. ‘You can’t be late! Hurry mommy, hurry!’

                The world around her began to darken, gusts of wind blowing her hair around her, stray strands whipping around and stinging her eyes. Her chest heaved as she panted for breath, the sky darkening to a golden red, clouds circling together forming a cyclone of colors. Pain erupted along her spine, her mouth opening wide as a silent scream wracked her body and she collided with something heavy, stealing her from her family and knocking her into the darkness.

                She could hear the quickening beeps and sounds chiming in time to her racing heart and she fought to claw her way out of the darkness, elation filling her as the edges of her vision turned gray until her eyes opened. Her throat ached the sudden feeling of dehydration skipping over her as she wetted her chapped lips with the tip of her tongue. It took her mind a few moments to restart while she stared up at a white ceiling, her muscles heavy and unresponsive. Where was she? How did she get here? Where were her children?

                Rin took a few deep breaths until she felt slightly less frantic, repeating silly mantras for peace in her mind until she felt she would not scream. The sounds quieted, the steady beeps reminding her of a heart monitor. The familiar warmth next to her centered her thoughts and shifting her head weakly she felt her heart skip a beat. This was not her Sesshomaru. His face was pale, dark rings around his closed eyes, his once proud cheekbones sunken in as if he had been drained of all his blood. The long silver hair she had always admired and been jealous of him for was gone and replaced with a short style that she would have fought tooth and nail never to see on him. It made him look older, more exhausted and nothing like the man she loved.

                When did he decide to chop all of his hair off? Was this some kind of nightmare? Where was her daughter, both of them? She tried to call his name, her throat cracking with dryness that still confused her, but was frustrated when the only thing that came was a silent whisper. What had happened to her? Getting her arm to move was almost impossible and it exhausted her; however, she could still feel the building fear in stomach telling her that she needed to see Sesshomaru’s eyes. Her hand shook as it touched him, his smooth skin setting off butterflies in her chest the way she remembered his touch had always affected her, his face unusually pliant.

                She shook him harder, her silent voice calling to him, begging him to look at her and after a few minutes without any response, desperation began to gnaw at her. Hundreds of different thoughts ran rampant through her mind, none of which appeased her growing concern. Was he breathing? A sob worked its way out of her mouth and immediately she knew she had to get help. Her body ached as if she had been asleep for a lifetime, the muscles in her legs off somewhere on vacation and she cursed trying to sit up and instead plummeting off the side of the bed onto the floor, a loud crashing of those beeping machines assailing her ears.

“Help,” she did not care if she injured her larynx and could never speak again, as long as her voice would work now and bring someone to her aid. “Help!”

                She tore the small tubes from her arms along with the tiny wires, her hands reaching for the nightstand in an attempt to get herself to stand. Her fumbling fingers held on for dear life as she pulled herself to her knees, sweat rolling down her face and neck, her pleas growing slightly louder, but not enough to alert anyone. What if Sesshomaru was dead? This could not be happening to her, she refused to believe in a world without him and the idea of him dying angered him. Fighting back the tears beginning to run down her cheeks, Rin reached for the glass of water on the nightstand, her fingers wrapping tightly around it and with a burst of adrenaline, she threw it at the wall.

                The sound of glass shattering was followed by the scream of anguish she couldn’t hold back, the echoes ringing in her ears. She was breathing raggedly when the door swung open, familiar faces pouring into the room in a mixture of shock and fear. InuYasha’s expression under any other circumstance would have made her laugh; however, now she did not think she could even manage a smile. Hands pulled at her, dragging her to uncooperative feet and digging her nails into the fabric of InuYasha’s shirt she clung to him.

“Help him,” she choked, her hair falling into her eyes. “He won’t wake up, please InuYasha.”

                Everything in her world changed after that, the frantic cries, the sounds voices and cries as strange people raced against time to rush Sesshomaru to the nearest hospital. The faces meshed together, her life stuck between fast forward and slow motion and she fought, her screams echoing down the hospital hallways when the nurses pulled her away from Sesshomaru. She was afraid of what would happen to him if he left her sight that somehow he would disappear from her completely when all she wanted to do was hold onto him for dear life. The threat of sedation quieted her instantly and Rin allowed herself to be wheeled into an empty room only to be hooked up to machines herself. They tested her, took countless vials of blood and by time Sesshomaru was brought to the bed next to her she was ready to start pulling out her hair.

                The doctors later told InuYasha and his family it had been an overdose, and the silver haired men had gone deathly pale. It was a mistake, Sesshomaru was not suicidal, and it was the worried family around him who almost stole her love away. The reasoning had been on good intentions, yet with Sesshomaru’s mental state, he had consumed too many sleeping piles in under a few hours and his body began to shut down. Rin refused to believe that her Sesshomaru was unstable, not understanding the circumstances. The InuYasha finally broke down and explained it all to her she felt her heart breaking.

“I’m sorry Rin,” his story was ridiculous, it had to be even if her gut told her he was being truthful.

                Two and a half years. She had lost two and a half years of her life all the while unintentionally draining the life out of Sesshomaru. Misery filled her, she had managed to destroy the man she loved without lifting a finger and it frightened her. Would Sesshomaru still love her now that she was awake having put him through such pain and suffering? Would he hate her? She was not sure if she could live with herself if he had.

                She spent countless days in the cold sanitized room, pacing when her legs would hold her, lying next to Sesshomaru when she felt too exhausted to move. She was afraid to fall asleep, afraid to be away from Sesshomaru and she wondered if this was anything close to how she made Sesshomaru feel for the last two and a half years. She talked to him every minute she could, promising him things she was unsure she could keep, but more than willing to move heaven and hell trying. She ignored the nurses and even Izayoui and Inutashio when they tried herding her back to her own bed, Rin refused to let herself be manipulated by anyone when it came to Sesshomaru.

“Rin?” She had been drawing circles and flowers on his chest again her ear pressed against him listening to his even breathing and lulling heartbeat that she almost missed his whisper.

“Sesshomaru?” Her heart skipped a beat as her head jerked up and her gaze meeting a pair of hazy amber orbs.

“Am I dreaming?” his voice was softer than she ever remembered it being and the hesitancy made her ache something horrible. She had done this to him.

“No, I promise this is real,” She could not help herself as she crushed her lips against his, drinking from his mouth like a starving animal. “I promise Sesshomaru, I’m real.”

                His fingers dug into the flesh of her hips, grinding her flush against him, meeting her halfway for another taste of her. He was ravenous, igniting a fire in her belly that could not be ignored. They needed to reassure themselves, needed to feel the other, knowing that pleasure would come later. Rin gasped as Sesshomaru pulled her onto him, his eagerness filling her immediately and after a moment, she sighed in relief feeling him move inside her hesitantly as if she would break with misplaced touch.

                Finally, she was home.

                E/N: Well I was tempted to make a fourth part, but decided against it. The song itself made me a little weepy, so it was pretty cool that this came from a little crying! Lol
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A First Time For Everything