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Blood Stained	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 61650 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 6
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, and I do not make any money from these writings

Chapter List
- 43
- 44
- 45
Blood Stained

Chapter 44: Definition of Love

He had been gone for too many hours, but he couldn’t bring himself to come back just yet.  It was wrong to leave her by herself for so long in the room, he knew she was broken, but it couldn’t be helped.  The answers which were given to them were unexpected.  The guilt bubbling inside of him was a bit too much for him to handle.  He was the one who had genuinely harmed her and the pup, not his beast.  Perhaps because Sesshomaru realized more than the beast did of what Kagome had been put through, was why what he did bothered him so much.

The fact that she hadn’t been upset at all, both surprised him and displeased him.  In the past, Sesshomaru had pointed out people’s mistakes, rarely making some himself.  As time went on, he obtained more knowledge and was given the chance to look back at his actions, he realized that many things he had done could be considered mistakes.  As time went on, he grew older, he learned to accept them.  The biggest and hardest one had been what happened with the Miko.

When he had first seen her after so long, he had seen the fire in her eyes and after truly taking a conscience accounting of everything he had taken from her, a heavy guilt had formed.  He had always thought it would be there, that he would need to live with it.  Truly he never expected the Miko to forgive him, but then to move on, it appeared she had to.  He often assumed that perhaps it was why she had given him a chance.

But this was different.  She had been caught in a whirlpool of emotions, she could have yelled at him, yet through it all, she never even though about being mad at him.  Thinking about her acting that way reminded him of the days she used to travel with Inuyasha.  He had seen her be dragged through dirt and worst, yet she had always gotten back on her feet.  Through her current reaction, he could see a glimpse of the girl she had once been.

But that was his main problem.

No matter how she healed, there was no going back.  Even if she forgave and forgot, she couldn’t be the same Kagome she used to be.  She needed to build herself back up once more, be someone else.  Weather she wanted to or not, she had changed.  It didn’t mean she couldn’t be happy, it just meant, she had grown through the hardships.  She would be a stronger, more prepared person in the future.

And once again, he felt it was unfair to leave her alone.

A deep sigh escaped him before he signaled to the driver to head back to the hotel.

If only this current guilt was the only problem they had.  Their mating bond was trying to survive.  This could cause many awkward situations and bring forth moments that she would feel uncomfortable in.  It made him wonder if everything that happened between them lately was because of that bond.  A selfish part of him refused to believe it.  He wanted to think that their latest casual interactions were their own doing.

They were still masters of their own bodies, the bond didn’t dictate everything they did.

He hoped she was no longer crying, because he didn’t want to see her hurt over something he did again.  It was not only a promise he had given to Rin, but to her as well.  He wished to stick to his word.  She had suffered enough, it seemed every time she was getting better something more was thrown in her face.  Until now, he had rarely ever experienced such intense feelings, kneeling had seemed like the only proper thing to do.

Although he had not always felt inclined, he respected her.  She showed a strength not many had.

Never, no matter what happened, did she allow darkness to completely engulf her spirit.  Most humans would have broken down, but she held through.  He knew she felt like a failure since she could no longer purify the jewel, but truly, if she was indeed a failure, the darkness within would have swallowed her.

The one who felt like a failure was him.

Perhaps it was why he felt such a rage and so much pain within himself.

First he had marked her, since he had failed to control his beast.  Then, he hadfailed to tame his emotions and had killed Inuyasha.  Afterwards, he had failedto keep his promise.  He had also failed at taking care of his mate and now, even before his pup was born, he had failed at protecting him.  Sesshomaru had always been a figure of authority.  Many people feared him because he was nearly undefeatable.  When his own father had failed, Sesshomaru had promised himself he would not let himself be flawed.

But he had.

For so many years he had thought himself to be different, here he was just like the rest of them.  His greatest downfall had been her, it was something he could never fix.  It was as if she were a flower that he had crushed and he was now struggling to put the petals back on.

She was different, though.  She had flaws, but it was as if she transformed every single one of them into a new strength.  Rarely had he ever seen anything bring her down.  Usually when something did, it involved him.  He washorrible for her and her life was much better without him around.  Yet, he felt angry with himself because he wanted to be there.  When had he begun to feel that way?  More importantly, why did he want to be around her?

Was it the bond telling him to feel this way, or did it came from him?

Sesshomaru crisped his hand into a fist for lack of a better reaction.  The bond was messing with him, it was making him feel more than usual and making his emotions out of control.  This situation was already hard enough by itself, he didn’t need this. Maybe facing her in such a state would only make the situation worse, maybe he should wait until he was calmed and collected?

Unfortunately for him, at the same moment the thought crossed his mind, the car stopped in front of the hotel.  He couldn’t turn back now.  He would just have to hide his emotions.  He had often said he wanted to be the stable constant in her life that she could hold on to.  If he was weak in front of her again, he would be of no help.

The driver slowly opened the door and Sesshomaru exited.  Every step he took into the hotel seemed painful heavy.

He wanted to find a way to apologize to his son for what he had done.  Perhaps he hadn’t known, but it didn’t make it any better.  Kagome and Kiyoshi were the only thing filling his mind as he made his way to their room.  Once he opened the door, he found a completely empty room, which surprised him for a moment.  Had she left?  Sesshomaru couldn’t help but feel a bit worried since her current condition, she would be in danger.

But before he could panic, or leave, she appeared from the bathroom.

Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks were still sticky from the tears she had previously shed.  Sesshomaru was usually collected and knew the right words to speak, but once again, he didn’t.  He nodded in her direction before fully entering the room, closing the door behind him.

Kagome felt like her throat was dried out.  She had cried until she could no longer do it, instead of making her feel worse, it had made her feel better.  To be able to be alone and cry her heart out had helped her sort out her feelings. It hadn’t been easy, the guilt was still present, but her heart didn’t feel as heavy anymore.  She could still see that Sesshomaru didn’t feel the same.

The thought that after the way he had made her feel in the past, he should suffer as well, never crossed her mind.  Instead, she slowly closed the distance between them, before sitting on the edge of his bed.  Sesshomaru took it as a cue to join her, so he sat down beside her.  He quickly noticed the way she was playing with her fingers, signaling that she was nervous.

“Unfortunately,” she began, her voice trembling a bit, “Kiyoshi was victim of bad circumstances that happened in the past.  You made a mistake, I didn’t know any better, I didn’t know how to control my powers.”

Tears were flooding her eyes, but she held them back.

“He shouldn’t have suffered, but no matter how hard I beat myself over it, it won’t erase what happened.”  Through her son’s warmth, she knew he didn’t hate her for the incident that occurred and it broke her heart to see the love he already had for her.

“All I know is that I won’t let this happen again, I will be a better mother to my son.”  She was still young, she didn’t know everything about life, or how to be a parent, but she would give it everything she had.  Kagome already knew she was willing to give her life for her son, she would always try to protect him from harm.

Finally, she gathered the courage to look up at Sesshomaru.  His eyes were clouded with emotions, which was extremely rare.  No he perhaps wasn’t the best person in the world, but lately he had been trying hard to make amends. A little while ago, she had shed tears of anger because of him.  A part of her had been mad about what he had done, but once that moment had been over, she had regrouped herself.  She still firmly believed she couldn’t hate him for it, because he was trying to be different.

Even back then, he hadn’t been trying to kill her or their son.  It was something that had occurred which had been out of their control.  If they let this stop them, it would ruin all the progress they had made and damn it, Kagome was tired of hurting, tired of the pain.  No she would not forget, but she wanted to grow from this.  Her son was giving them a chance, so she wanted to do the same.  If Kiyoshi could forgive both of them, they should be able to forgive themselves eventually.

“I think that instead of killing yourself over this, you should think about how you could make it better.”  They had already decided he would be a part of Kiyoshi’s life. Instead of dwelling over something that could not be changed and that left their son unharmed, he should be thinking about how he would be a good father to him.

“I won’t be angry,” she said, her voice shaking once more.  “I’m tired of being mad, I don’t have the energy for it anymore.”

So much time had been wasted on being angry.  Kagome wasn’t sure if it was because of the way Kiyoshi’s aura had soothed her through her pain, but she was having a different perspective for the first time.  If she considered Sesshomaru the enemy, it would lead them nowhere.  He had treated her a bit badly in the past, but he had been treating her right ever since.  He was a bit awkward at times, but considering the past they shared, it was to be expected, more a norm.

They had made their first mistake of parenthood, they had to move on and grow from it.

Sesshomaru stared into her grey orbs, unsure of what to say.  Because of what he had done to her, he had spent most of his life trying to figure out a way to make amends.  It didn’t sit well with him to have an offense so quickly forgiven.  He had apologized to her for what he had done, but he hadn’t apologized to Kiyoshi.  But to do so, he needed her permission.  His eyes fell down to her bulging stomach where his son was growing and he almost sighed.

“May I?”

Once Kagome understood what he was referring to, she nodded.

Putting his hands on her stomach wasn’t something that scared her like it used to.  Perhaps it was because it had happened many times now.  But, it pleased her to know that not everything would scare her forever.

Sesshomaru gently approached her stomach, and put his hands on it.  He couldn’t mingle his aura with his son’s, but he knew that even in his human form, he could reach out to him.  Wishing to be closer, Sesshomaru went down on his knees and pressed his nose against her stomach, his gesture surprising Kagome a bit.  He softly murmured something, but she couldn’t understand it, as if it wasn’t Japanese.

Then suddenly, she felt Kiyoshi kick, the tiniest smile appeared on Sesshomaru’s face.  As quickly as it came, it disappeared, but he still remained pressed against her stomach, his eyes closed.  The relationship she had with Sesshomaru was a complicated one.  There was no real word to describe it and sometimes, it was confusing.  For so long when she had been in the feudal era, she had thought about running away and never seeing him again.  She had thought it to be that simple.

But now she knew.  Somehow they had been linked.

No matter how or through what, they would have to be in contact.

-B-

The awkwardness that had installed itself between them after they had obtained answers had not completely disappeared.  Though Sesshomaru wasn’t staying far from her for the reasons she thought.  Kagome was not familiar with bonds and mating since she was human, but he knew a bit about the subject.  He was afraid that the desperation of the bond would compromise the balance they had found in their relationship.

Considering all the bad memories she had from the physical intimacy, he doubted it would ever be easy for her to be in such a relationship ever again. But, the need of the bond could create a desire for such contact.  Perhaps, not full intercourse, but simple things such as holding hands and a physical presence.  Though, if his knowledge was right, this shouldn’t happen.

For even a bond to want to remain, it had to mean there was a connection. That this was meant to be in some way.  But the Miko and him were not meant to be together.  It had been a slip up, a mistake, yet the bond refused to disappear.  It was true that Sesshomaru didn’t know why his beast wanted Kagome out of all people.  She had plenty of qualities, but why had she been picked as the one?  Especially considering the way he felt about hanyous, and most humans back then.  Nothing could have been a more awful match.

He stopped his thoughts when he heard movements in the bathroom.  Kagome had gone and taken another bath.  He could only assume it was because she felt dirty because of the feelings she had experienced.  So far they had only focused their attention on Kiyoshi, but he wondered if she would have any question about the mating.  After all, it had been occupying his mind a lot, it would only be natural for her to be thinking about it as well.

Sesshomaru put his book down, not that he had been paying attention to it anyway and waited for her to come out of the washroom.  He usually kept to himself, didn’t talk much, but he wanted to discuss this.  He knew she liked to appear tough, but anyone could break down.  Granted he might not be the one she wished to confide in, but he was currently the only person around.

It took a few minutes for her to come out of the washroom.  Her hair was dry and tied up on top of her head.  She was wearing leggings and an overlarge, long t-shirt.  A sigh escaped her, before she looked his way, their eyes meeting. She could tell from one glance that he had something in his mind.  For a second, she found herself wondering if it was okay to ask.

Lately they had been a bit closer, to be honest it was somewhat confusing.

There was a time where she had been scared to be in his presence, but that had gone away after a while.  No she hadn’t always trust him, but since being in the modern era, he hadn’t given her a reason not to.  Though difficult, she had then gone and given him a chance.  She had completely cleaned his slate, wanting to make herself a new opinion of this Sesshomaru.  So far, he hadn’t done anything wrong, yet sometimes, she would get a little thug in her heart. But, she wasn’t sure if it was of pain or something else.

It was strange after everything that she could allow him so close and be comfortable in his presence.  Though it was painful to admit, she had to say that the fact that his appearance was different was helping her separate him fully from the beast.  It was wrong, because the beast was a part of him.  She could perhaps get along fully with Sesshomaru one day, but she would have to realize, that the beast was a part of him.  Until everything was under control, Sesshomaru would never be complete and allowing him to remain that way forever was not fair.

It was true that for the most part the beast could not be trusted, but perhaps one day there would be hope.  It had put her through so much, it was hard to forget the pain, but deep down she wanted to wish there was hope for everyone.  There was a time she thought there was none for her.  Back in the feudal era, when she had experienced her darkest moment, she thought herself lost.  Yet, through it all, she had emerged back.

Maybe some people could be saved.

She wouldn’t throw herself in its way right now, but maybe one day, she’d be able to fully face him.  His beast hadn’t gone through time like Sesshomaru had, he was stuck with the same way of thinking which was the most terrifying thing.  If he only could have grown a bit over the years, perhaps if he felt guilt, it would be easier to at least talk and try to forget.  But until he accepted to let go, the situation would be difficult.

Until then, all that was left to do was hope that time did heal old wounds.

It was also then that Kagome made the decision to not let the recent events put a stop to the decent relationship she was developing with Sesshomaru.  It was much easier to feel at ease around him, then to fear him.  Plus, technically all that happened belonged to the old Sesshomaru, the one she had erased from her mind.  They had to move on.

“Did you want to talk about it,” she asked, her voice almost a whisper, as if she was unsure about asking.  She didn’t know what exactly was on his mind, but she knew it had something to do with what happened.

Sesshomaru wasn’t certain about how to broach the subject without perhaps scaring her away.

“The weakened mating bond might be a problem,” he said, almost too casually.

For an instant, her eyes widened a bit, showing that she had forgotten all about it.  She had been so caught up about what had happened to Kiyoshi that she hadn’t focused on that part of it at all.  Though, her views on it weren’t exactly the same as Sesshomaru’s.  Although their bond might be trying to survive, it wouldn’t force them either.  It would perhaps influence them, but she still believed they had enough control to do as they wished.

Though Kagome couldn’t help but wonder if that was why she felt more comfortable around him.  Lately they had been having a few casual interactions, they had been a lot closer than they ever had in the past.  No, it couldn’t be.  As he said, it should only be influencing them, nothing more.  She was actually making progress in the right direction, especially with the help of the connection.  There was nothing more to it.

“Why is it a problem?” she finally asked, surprising him a bit.

Sesshomaru had truly believed it would scare her.  Perhaps he had been the one to over worry about the whole thing.  He found himself wondering if he should share the next part with her.  Technically he had no reason to keep anything from her, but he didn’t wish to distress her either.  After a few seconds, he decided that honesty was the best policy.

“The bond is trying to survive because it believes this is right.”

“This?” she quickly asked.

“Us.”

Suddenly a thick silence filled the room, the words died on her lips.  Out of all the answers, this was the last one she expected.  Her and Sesshomaru wereright for each other?  Granted he wasn’t a bad person, but he also came with the beast.  Their history wasn’t quite the best and frankly she wasn’t sure if she’d ever be with someone else.  Hadn’t she been scarred enough?  Though if she wished to move on, didn’t that mean that eventually she would be with someone?

The thought of her relationship – with anyone – hadn’t crossed her mind much.  Even when Kouga had come along, she hadn’t thought about it twice. But to be with Sesshomaru out of all people?  Was that something she could even do?  Soon enough the tears were burning her eyes, before they could fall, she wiped them away. Feeling a bit sad, she immediately looked away from him.

Sesshomaru completely understood her reaction, yet there was this strange thug in his heart as if his feelings had been hurt.  The way he felt towards her was something he had pushed aside for a long time. He had also told himself that the Miko didn’t belong to him, that he had technically stolen her away.  He had never seen her for who she was, too blinded by his anger and disgust in the past.

Truth was, if he had been able to see properly, he wouldn’t have messed her up so bad.  She might be human, but she was different.  He knew his half brother used to see her as the dead miko, but frankly, Kagome could not be compared to anyone.  She was strikingly her own person.  Perhaps he had been a fool to not have paid attention to her in the past.

Suddenly, his own thoughts surprised him.  He could not be feeling such a way for the Miko.  He respected her, he was trying to make amends for what he had done.  The thought of ever being more, or doing more was just completely insane.  Without thinking, he ran his fingers through his hair and almost sighed.  He was never so prone to emotions, currently he had no control over his heart and it upset him greatly.  Why was he feeling this way now, after everything and considering their present situation.

It had to be the bond.  These weren’t feelings he had ever allowed himself to have.  Thinking and feeling in such a way would do nothing but hurt her further.  Perhaps it was also because he was used to being alone and for the first time, he was constantly with someone.  It was simply adding to everything else he was feeling at the moment, nothing more.

Maybe it was why it was better for him to be alone.  It was something he had learned back then when his father had left.  It was useless to have attachments or links, because most of the time, people could not be trusted, they went back on their words.  The best thing to do was to be by yourself.  He didn’t need anyone to survive and the current settings were messing with his mind.

Need, caring and love weren’t emotions he had ever really experienced. Perhaps a few times, but only when the beast had forced it upon him.  Other than that, Sesshomaru had never expressed desire for those feelings.  Physical closeness wasn’t something that ever truly appealed to him either.  Perhaps because of the time it involved bothering yourself with someone.  Sesshomaru had a short fuse when it came to patience with people.  Jaken had been by his side for many years, yet the little toad could annoy him to no end after speaking just one sentence.

Well, perhaps Rin had been an exception.  Rin and Kagome.

Kagome’s presence, even when she was silent wasn’t something that irritated him.  Usually, he couldn’t do regular every day things with someone else present, but in her case, it didn’t bother him.  Perhaps because she was a Miko, her aura was generally soothing.  Whatever the reason, her presence was calming.  It made him understand why so many people enjoyed being by her side.  It was almost a comforting feeling.

“Why?”

Her voice brought him out of his thoughts and he directed his attention to her.

“Why does the bond think we are right?”  It was almost a painful question to ask. She didn’t mean to insult him, but she simply couldn’t understand.

“I’m afraid it’s a question I cannot answer,” he responded truthfully.  Even the answer to that slipped through his grasp.

It was but a sick twist of fate that had brought them together, linking their lives forever, mostly through a child.  Sesshomaru had thought that certain things happened for a reason, but he never understood the reason for this.

Thinking about the bond made Kagome think about another bond, one that had caused her great pain in the past, the one that had nearly always united Inuyasha and Kikyo together.  After such a long time, it still brought her pain to think about him.  He was her friend and she hoped that wherever he was, he had found a happiness he hadn’t while alive.

In the end, he had followed the first promise he had made; be with Kikyo in the other world.

“Do you think they found each other?”  she asked, changing the subject.  When he didn’t answer, she clarified.  “Kikyo and Inuyasha.”

The mention of his half brother by her was a bit painful.  Because, except him, she had been the only one to witness the events that had taken place that day. He hadn’t often thought about him, at least not in the last couple centuries.  He had never fully made peace with the event, so perhaps it was why he had buried it deep inside.  Just like Kagome, Inuyasha had been a victim of the events involving his beast.

Granted they never had a great relationship, but he never had any intention to terminate his life.  If he had wished to, he could have done it way before that. It had been an unfortunate incident, nearly out of his control.  And in the end, only one of them would have survived.  After all, Inuyasha had come with the intention of killing him and taking Kagome back.

“If they were meant to, then they did.”

An almost bitter chuckle escaped her.  “You believe that if two people are meant to be they will find their way?”

She hadn’t pictured Sesshomaru to ever think that way.  It was almost a romantic thought and it wasn’t something that fit who he was.  Though she didn’t voice it, she did feel the same.  Most things did happen for a reason, you couldn’t force something that wouldn’t be… to be.

Sesshomaru tilted his head to the side, glancing away from her.  “Fate works in the most twisted way.”

Slowly, Kagome allowed herself to lay on his bed, her back completely killingher.  She stared down at her bulging stomach and rested a hand on it.

“I agree with that,” she said, clearly referring to their situation.  “But maybe sometimes things just happen.  What if there’s no reason behind them?”

He had asked himself the same thing.  He could give her a bittersweet response, or a hopeful one.  “Then it would be a waste wouldn’t it?”

His words slowly echoed in her mind, she couldn’t help but feel like they had much more meaning than he let on.  Sometimes, Sesshomaru could be a hard person to understand.  She had to admit having a normal conversation like this felt nice.  There was nothing normal about his and her situation, but sometimes, to act as if nothing had happened brought her some joy.

After all, who knew when she’d ever be actually normal.

The thought made her wonder about Sesshomaru.  He had often told her that it was her right to do what she wished with her life, to ignore the mating.  That even if she carried his mark, he didn’t force her, he wanted her to just live her life and try to be normal.  It made her think about what he wanted.  Did Sesshomaru wish to have a normal life as well?

He knew a lot about her, but she knew nothing about him.  During all those years, had he ever fallen in love, but given up because of the situation?  If she was given the option of a normal life, he should be given the same as well.  If he wanted to perhaps get married, or even have other children of his own, it was his right.  Even if he perhaps felt the same way she did, awkwardness, that he didn’t need her permission to see someone, she felt like voicing it out loud.

“You are allowed a normal life as well.”

He knitted his eyebrows together, as if her statement confused him.  “If you ever want to start over and be with someone, I think you should.”

Sesshomaru waited for a few seconds, her words nearly hammering themselves in his brain, before he softly shook his head.  “I have no need for such thing.”

His answer seemed to take her by surprise because she sat up on the bed.

“What do you mean?”  But, before allowing him to respond, she continued. “Everyone needs love.  It doesn’t matter who you are, what you’ve been through, or where you are from.”  The first two people she thought of when thinking about love were Kiyoshi, and her mother.

“Love is what makes you live through the hardships, it’s the joy in your life.  It’s that feeling that someone will be there to catch you if you fall.  Who wouldn’t need that in their life?”

Sesshomaru had rarely ever heard her give such a passionate speech before. Though most of what she said to him wasn’t things he was familiar with.  His father had passed away when he was still young, his mother wasn’t a very emotional person, she had raised him to be the same.  Love had always been seen as a weakness.  But now that he thought about it, perhaps his mother felt that way because she had been left behind by his father.  Bitterness could be a very complex emotion.

“I have never been in such a situation.  I do believe I would not require it in the future.”

Her features saddened a bit at his words.  Who had never felt love?  It was impossible, even Sesshomaru knew what it was like.  Then, it hit her like a flash.  He did have someone he loved once and someone who loved him back.  A daughter.  Rin.

“What about Rin?” she quickly asked.

It appeared that the sudden mention of her caused him to be a bit surprised. Rin.   The first time he had experienced unknown emotions, it was when she came into his life.  But was it love?  He did care for her, he saw her as his own child, but love?  Sesshomaru wasn’t sure he could call it love, because he wasn’t sure what the feeling was.

“What is love?”

Kagome was a bit taken back.  How do you explain love?  It was not something you could describe using one word, especially since it was a state of mind, thou it usually affected the body greatly.  Love could make your life amazing, or painfully hard.  It was a complex emotion.  When you felt it, you had to know what it was.  Kagome knew he was just confused, but he had loved Rin, she knew that for sure, she had seen it in his eyes.

To try to help him, she tried to explain.  “Love is when that person is near and you just feel just a bit happier.  It’s when you’re willing to put your life in danger to protect that one person.  When you don’t know where they are, you worry for them.  It’s when they’re always be in your mind, you won’t forget about them.  Love is when someone else’s well being matters more than your own.  It’s when there is someone you are willing to sacrifice your own happiness for, just so they can be happy.”

Kagome had many people like that in her life, though most of them from the feudal era were gone now.  They would always be with her in her heart, because they had been like her second family.  They had changed her life for the better in the few years she had known them and she would carry them around in her heart.

Perhaps Sesshomaru had loved before.  He had loved Rin like a father loves his daughter.  But had he ever been in love with someone?  No.  The two things were much different and they brought on different happiness and hardships.

“I have loved, but not been in love.”

The notion was insane.  At least, when it came to it was harder for them to leave, but to love someone who could leave you at anytime?  Why did humans seek it so much?  Weren’t they much better off alone?  The risk of getting hurt decreased immensely and he knew how sensitive humans were, yet they threw themselves at pain.

“Being alone is easier.”

Feeling a bit sad that someone preferred to be alone, she reached out for his hand.  Without thinking much, she covered it with her tiny hand and squeezed a bit.

“Alone is easier, but not necessarily better.  Sometimes we need people.  They make us feel better, it’s nice to know there is someone out there you can’t live without.  Someone’s presence you enjoy and that leaves you calm and peaceful.”

Once she finished speaking, she realized what she had just done.  Kagome had always naturally gone forward, tried to comfort others and this had just been a natural reaction.  Slowly she pulled her hand away, slightly nodded, as if to apologize.  She looked at him, while sort of avoiding looking at him in the eyes and waited for the awkwardness to leave.

She had just been devastated that someone didn’t know love, since it was the most beautiful feeling.  How many times had she been hurt loving and it never stopped her.  When you loved, you had to be willing to be burnt a bit.  In the end, it was usually worth it.  Either you grew from the experience or you found joy and happiness in the arms of someone.

Once a few more seconds passed, she decided it wouldn’t be weird for her to get up off the bed.  This time she looked him straight in the eyes before struggling to make it to her feet.  Once she did, she dragged herself onto her bed and plopped down on it.  She buried herself under the blanket, as if she were trying to shield herself from being embarrassed.  Though, she hadn’t done anything wrong, all she did was touch his hand… so why was it getting to her so much?

A quiet sigh escaped her before she closed her eyes.

Sesshomaru couldn’t help but tilt his head to the side and look at her.  Her words were still very present in his mind and he couldn’t empty his head of them.

Putting your own desires second

Someone who’s presence makes you feel calm.

Someone you’re willing to protect at the cost of your own life.

He wanted to ignore it, because it felt too similar.  It was just a coincidence, nothing more.  What he felt wasn’t love, it was duty.  He was doing this because it was what he owed her, nothing more.  Being in love would just be the strangest thing, it wasn’t an emotion he would ever have.  Sesshomaru would never be in love.

And if he ever was, for some crazy insane reason, the last person he should ever feel that way towards was her.  It would only bring more trouble.  No matter what the bond said, they couldn’t be made for each other.

They couldn’t help each other, they could only bring more pain.

Although, when was the last time he had felt so peaceful?

-B-
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Blood Stained