Last Day

Author's Note: I haven't updated in...well a very very long time. After a very long hiatus, I've decided to continue the story. Once again I do not own the characters or anything.

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It doesn’t seem right. After three years, to have come so far only to have it slip away. With Sango’s interruption, Inuyasha may never again have the courage to attempt a seduction. Even now I can taste his mouth on mine, feel the way his lips moved and how his tongue caressed mine.



The fire crackles in front of me as I stare at the flames, my arms crossed round my legs and my chin resting on my knees. A piece of rotted wood pops and sends a swirl of dark smoke drifting towards the night sky. Perhaps the interruptions are Fate’s way of telling me it can never be. She allowed me to return to the Sengoku Jidai long enough to complete my mission. If I even have that long. There won’t be time for Inuyasha and I. Our time is over…if we ever had time.



Is it selfish of me to want him to love me? I could die tomorrow and after 18 years the only thing I want before I die is to hear him say, just once, that he loved me. I need him to love me, to know if only for a moment, that I had accomplished that.



“Kagome, are you alright?”



With a glance up at Sango I smile, not wanting her to worry. I can tell she doesn’t believe the lie and gingerly she sits next to me, putting her hand on my leg. She doesn’t even need words to comfort me and slowly I let my head drop to her shoulder. “I have to find that last shard. We have to defeat Naraku or else it’s all been for nothing. We’re running out of time, Sango.”



She understands my words, but misinterprets the urgency, the melancholic aura that’s enveloped me. “We’ll find it. We still have time, he hasn’t found it yet.”



“Sometimes I wonder…” I pause, unsure how to phrase the jumbled thoughts in my head. “If only I hadn’t shattered the jewel in the first place, none of this would have happened. So many people have died and been hurt because of one mistake.” I can feel the warmth in my eyes, but I can’t cry. I can’t, no matter what. “I love you all so much but I’ve also…hurt you all so much. I’ve taken so much from you.”



Her arms are around me before I can finish. “Don’t think that way, Kagome! It would have happened anyways, Naraku would have found a way. All of us are together because of you, because you keep us together. I know you think you’re weak, but you’re not. You’re what makes us strong. Your faith in us, your courage, your--” Sango’s voice broke as she hugged me and it only makes the burning in my eyes that much stronger. “You make us a family. You keep us going when we want to give up.”



And what about when I’m not here anymore? What happens then to my friends? But I can’t say the words. “We should head north at dawn,” I say instead, patting her arm encouragingly. The exhaustion is already weighing on me again and I move away to climb into my sleeping bag.



My eyes are still watching the fire, but I can feel when Inuyasha returns to the camp. He stays on the far edge, furthest from me and I wrap the cover closer around me. I have to give up on Inuyasha, on my own dream. It’s more important to find Naraku and I have to put everyone else first. No matter what Sango said, I knew time was running out.





I watched her fall into a fitful sleep. She moans in her sleep, sometimes wincing in pain. It had been like that ever since she had developed that “cold” she talked about. She had returned home to take medicine, to make herself better. But no matter how she protested that she was on the mend, I can see the darkness under her eyes. Was it sadness that haunted her, that made her sick? Did I make her sick? I had failed to protect her, I had let the well be destroyed, I had…



I hurt her today. Stupid, miserable hanyou. I’ve never been good for anything. I had lost control, had given into my own instincts, and I hurt her. I can still smell her salty tears as I ran, too embarrassed to face her after what I’d done. She would pretend that it was alright, always trying to make everyone else feel better as she always did. When she responded to me, had she been wishing it were Kouga?



She’s hiding, I know she is hiding something from me. Is it her feelings for Kouga, afraid to hurt me if she reveals the truth? Or is it something darker? When Miroku had teased her earlier about being with pup, I had nearly torn his head from his shoulders. But what if….



The very idea makes me nauseous. The wood from the branch I sit on creaks in protest as my claws crush the bark. The last time we’d seen Koga had been right before Kagome got sick. And she did smell different. But she would never—



Kagome had never mated. She couldn’t have. I would have known, I would have smelled it. Unless…it wasn’t Koga. Was it someone from her own time? That Hoji, Hoppy, whatever his name was, had always wanted her. Does she love him now? Is that why she was gone so long this time?



It feels as if my chest is on fire. I can hear my own heartbeat, pounding out a furious cadence. Her backpack is sitting on the edge of camp. That will have my answers. Whatever she was hiding, she would keep it there.



Silently I leap from the tree, my bare feet silent as they hit the ground. My eyes are on her, but my ears are listening for the others, to see if they stir. If they find me going through her bag again…I didn’t need Kagome any madder at me than she already was.



It’s surprising how light the bag is as I heft it onto my shoulder. This thing always weighs as much as a person, full of books and clothes and food. I feel like a thief as I sneak out towards the edge of the clearing, close enough that the fire still provides ample light, but far enough away not to wake them with the noise.



The zipper seems suspiciously loud and I glance back over to see Kagome stir. With a yawn, she turns over, her back to me. Yanking open the flaps of the bag, I dump the items on the ground to sort through. Ramen, pocky, more sweets for Shippou… Where were her clothes, her books? In three years she had never come to the Sengoku Jidai without them.



I feel as if Sesshoumaru has knocked the wind from me. As I sink into the dirt, I stare at her, tossing and turning in her sleeping bag. I feel the unfamiliar sensation of warmth in my eyes. I can’t think, I can’t breathe, I can’t-- Kagome didn’t bring anything for herself. The wind catches her hair, blowing it off her cheek and she sighs. Had she come back to say goodbye?