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Love Potion # Kyuu	By : SplendentGoddess Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > InuYasha/Kagome Views: 15093 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: Inuyasha, and the characters therein, are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I am in no way affiliated with Takahashi or VIZ Productions, and I do not gain financially from my fanfic in any way.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Chapter 5 - Kagome's heart and Inuyasha's love
Coming around to the side of Kaede's hut, ironically to the same spot he had followed Kagome to the night before which had started it all, the hanyou stayed back for a moment longer before approaching, waiting for the girl to finish emptying whatever was left in her stomach. He was still angry with Miroku for what she was going through, even if the letch hadn't really meant any harm. Surely he wouldn't have deliberately put Sango through such a rough morning-after, right? Maybe Kagome was allergic to one of the herbs used in the mix or something.
Hearing another moan of discomfort leak past her lips, his ears lowered a bit as he took a hesitant step forward, stating quietly, "Kagome?"
"I'm never drinking mint tea every again!" she blurted out, not surprised by his presence behind her as she'd heard his approach. Laughing a little despite herself, she winched then, clutching her sore stomach muscles as she assured the hanyou, "Don't worry, Inuyasha, I'll be fine. It's not like I've never been sick before."
He sighed a little, relieved to see her in good enough spirits to attempt having a sense of humor about it, although her being upset to her stomach wasn't his primary concern. "That's not really-" he started to add as he began walking up to her, though a hand shot out in his direction to stop his approach had him shutting up mid-sentence in confusion and hurt.
"Don't come any closer." she said after a moment, although her tone of voice was still playful. "It doesn't smell too pretty over here. I don't want to break your nose." she added with a second chuckle.
"Keh."
Blatantly ignoring her concerns, Inuyasha immediately finished closing the gap between them, plopping himself down on the ground right behind her just like he had done back in the forest. When she didn't immediately lean against him, he began to worry that her thoughts were running away with her again, especially after what Sango had initially said about him 'taking advantage' of her. He knew Kagome didn't feel that way. Hell, it was the exact opposite. The silly girl was convinced that she had taken advantage of him, and he was sure his initial comments on the subject hadn't done any good to sway that thought process, stating how he'd been 'too weak' to resist her, as if giving in to her advances had been a failure on his part. Sure...in a big way that was true, but he didn't need to be telling her that, especially not now while she was still so emotionally vulnerable about the whole thing.
"Kagome..." he started again in that moment, encouraged when the faintest whisper of "Yeah?" reached his ears. "About...what you told Sango, about you 'throwing yourself' at me, I-"
"Don't..." she interrupted, her voice sounding both pleading and tired. "We already had that discussion, remember?"
He reached up and placed a hand on her shoulder, unsure of how else to comfort her.
"I won't let you shift the blame to yourself just because you're the guy and you think you're supposed to have nerves of steel or something." Kagome continued after a moment, grateful for the contact as she twisted herself a bit to glance his way. "News flash, women have been controlling men with seduction for a long time. I won't blame you for what happened. It was my fault."
"It was Miroku's fault." he argued with a wry grin, and she chuckled again. "Besides," he added then, tugging gently on her shoulder and gratefully wrapping his arms around her when she complied to his silent request of leaning backward into him. "You do know that I understand what all he said about how that tea works, right? You better not fucking have it in your head that I think you're a whore, Kagome, because that is the farthest thing from the truth."
She stiffened a bit at his words but didn't say anything, so exhaling slowly, he rested his chin on the top of her head before continuing, knowing what needed to be said.

"Okay...I'll stop arguing with you over who did what. You're right, you did throw yourself at me. But do you know why? It's because you love me. Like that's such a bad thing. It's a fucking miracle is what it is. And yeah, you had me at your mercy from the very beginning. I was way too fuckin' weak to stop you, but do you know why? Because a big ass part of myself didn't want to fucking stop you, that's why, and the only reason I did want to stop you was because I knew you were under a fucking spell. We can debate morals until the world stops spinning, but the truth is I wasn't tryin' to be all noble or nothin'. My only reservation was 'cause I was terrified that you'd hate me afterwards. You hearin' me, wench? The only reason I wanted to stop you was 'cause I was afraid you'd have my balls when you snapped out of it, and I didn't want to lose you. Since that clearly ain't the case, I ain't gonna regret it. And it wasn't just some meaningless rut, ya know. You're my mate, now. Do you know what that means?"
Inuyasha was expecting the scent of salt that reached his nose, but he had believed that her tears, at least this time around, would be that weird-ass thing she called 'happy tears', considering he'd just basically poured his heart out to her. He could detect happiness and love in her scent, but he could also smell a growing feeling of shame, and that worried him. Why was she ashamed? The bottom dropped out of his heart at the possibility that she, for whatever reason, really didn't want to be his mate. A feeling that only got worse when the first words out of her mouth after his little speech were a whispered, "Inuyasha, I'm so sorry."
Kagome did feel ashamed, but not because Miroku's tea had turned her into a little slut. She had heard every word Inuyasha just told her and she understood what he was saying, but there was a very real factor in the equation that so far he seemed to be completely overlooking. How could he possibly commit himself to any kind of a relationship with her when his heart belonged to another? Yes, Kagome did believe that a part of Inuyasha loved her as well, somewhere inside, otherwise he wouldn't have wanted to have sex with her...or at the very least he certainly wouldn't have claimed her as his mate, but then again she now had full recollection of their activities from the night before, and the miko was having a hard time believing that the whole marking thing hadn't just sort of happened in the heat of the moment. Yes, a part of him cared for her deeply; she could accept that, and it was that part of him that had marked her. But she remembered now...she remembered the way his eyes had bled crimson. He had been functioning purely on instinct, purely on his youkai half...and that was only half of him. His human heart belonged to Kikyou. Of course, Kagome was sure that Inuyasha hadn't somehow forgotten all about her preincarnation. He was being very gentlemanly in not bringing up the undead miko's name, because surely that was an inappropriate subject given their current situation. But inappropriate as it might be, Kagome felt that Kikyou's part in all of this couldn't rightfully be ignored. It wasn't fair to her, and honestly, it wasn't fair to Kikyou. She got what Inuyasha was trying to tell her, that he would be faithful to her because she was his mate now, but that wasn't fair to Inuyasha, and the fact that a part of her was glad, a part of her was glad that she had managed to so underhandedly take him away from her rival forever...that was why she felt ashamed. How horrible of a person was she, to find happiness in the notion of trapping him like that?
For what seemed like eternity they sat together in silence, Inuyasha unable to think of anything to say after Kagome's unexpected and unwanted apology. Knowing he was probably confused and waiting for her to elaborate, it was finally the miko who mustered up enough courage to continue with her thoughts aloud.
"If...if I could take it all back, I would." she stated softly, unable to see the hurt in his eyes as she continued to lean backward against his chest, finding solace in the fact that he hadn't yet shoved her away. "But I can't," she continued then, "But I can try to make things right from this point on."
Finally finding his voice, Inuyasha unconsciously tightened his arms around her as he dared ask, "Make things right?"
"It's not fair to trap you into being bound to me just because of last night, when you were never really mine to begin with. You told me you would release me from being your mate if I wanted, that it was up to me, and I think...even though I do love you, and I do want you, so please don't think I'm rejecting you because I don't want it...I think it would be for the best if we forget about all the 'mate' stuff for the time being."
Crushed, Inuyasha pinched his eyes shut, trying desperately to wrap his mind around her logic. She was from another time...another world...and maybe finalizing the bond wouldn't be the best course of action while their futures were still so uncertain, but what harm was there in her remaining a claimed mate? If now wasn't the right time to merge their souls together, he could wait; he would wait until the end of time for her. But what reason could she possibly have for wanting to ignore his claim altogether, except wanting to remain unclaimed because she might want to choose another mate someday? But that didn't make sense either because she had just said that she did love him and want him. Then it hit him...she was trying to let him go because she thought it was the right thing to do. She didn't want to 'trap' him. Stubborn wench, hadn't she hear a word he'd said? And what the hell was all that 'he was never really hers to begin with' crap about?
"Fucking hell, woman..." he grumbled then, his voice a bizarre combination of a laugh and a sigh, as he pushed her away only enough to turn her around so that they were sitting face to face, eye to eye.
"What the fuck makes you think I feel trapped? I didn't have to mark you, ya know. I trapped you by pulling that shit, and that's why I said I would release you, if you didn't want to be my mate, 'cause I love you and I don't want to force you into something you don't want. But that shit don't work in reverse. If you're gonna fucking sit there and tell me that you do want me but you don't think it's fair 'cause you think I didn't mean to mark you or some stupid shit like that, then fuck you. I take it back. I don't release you. Not like there's really a way to make my mark disappear off you, anyway. You're mine forever whether you like it or not, wench, but I was just gonna let you go like a human man lettin' his wife walk out the door 'cause she don't love him no more. That goes against youkai law, but since you're human and I'm half human I figured screw youkai law, if it was what you wanted. My instincts are inu but my heart's human, so above all what matters to me is your happiness, even more than my desire to keep you. But you just said you wanted me, so guess what, you got me. Everyone in this time's gonna know what the mark means, anyway. There really ain't no way to pretend otherwise. You're mine."
She smiled sadly at his words, truly touched by his confession of love and his obvious desire for her to remain his, but...
"But what about Kikyou?" she asked knowingly, not surprised when his eyes widened in shock. "I can't rightfully expect you to honor your commitment to me when you've already pledged yourself to her."
Inuyasha could do nothing but stare aghast at Kagome in a mixture of horror and guilt, completely stunned into silence. Where the hell had that come from? He was appalled that she would think so little of him; that he could have possibly strived to mate-bond with her with his heart still torn between her and Kikyou. It wouldn't even have worked! The heart's desire had to be exclusive in order to form that type of a bond, not that she knew that, or even what the position of her mark truly signified, he realized then. At the same time, he suddenly felt an incredible wave of guilt for having caused Kagome so much pain with his previous indecisiveness, and for having allowed that pain to continue by not actively saying or doing anything to let her know that he had since made his decision. The truth was he had resolved, at least quietly within himself, his separate feelings for Kagome and Kikyou a long time ago. Yes, he had made a pledge to Kikyou, to protect her from Naraku, to avenge her death, but that in no way constituted a commitment of a romantic nature. Kikyou was dead. Even Kaede had said that there could be no future in this world between him and Kikyou; what the undead priestess truly wanted, or at least had wanted, was for the two of them to die together. And yes, it's true, he had told Kaede that he would gladly follow Kikyou into Hell, if that was her wish, but those words had been uttered without thought, fueled by the passion he had been feeling at the time, the desperate desire to undo all of the wrongs that had happened to her. It wasn't fair that Kikyou's life had ended the way it had. But even the undead miko herself had stated that she craved Inuyasha's death, required it, when she had believed that he had been the one who'd killed her. Since learning the truth of Naraku's origins and trickery, Kikyou's desire was to take Naraku down, dragging him into Hell with her as penance for his crimes. Inuyasha didn't really consider his words to Kaede an all-binding oath, but even if it had been, he had said he would die with Kikyou if that was her wish, and that was no longer what Kikyou wished. She wanted Naraku's death to appease her soul, and all he had ever truly wanted was for her soul to find peace in the afterlife. He didn't want her in his life any more the way she had been once upon a time. She was dead, and he knew all too well what that meant. Yes, at the time, Inuyasha knew he had made the decision that he couldn't see Kagome any more, that he couldn't be with her, but that decision had been made out of compassion for Kagome, because he knew it would hurt and confuse her when he continued to run after Kikyou's beck and call. He had been so glad, so relieved when Kagome had decided to stick by him anyway. He was committed to Kikyou...but not in a romantic way. Not any longer. And yes, had Kagome merely approached him with words, opening up in a heartfelt manner about how she loved him and wanted to be with him, he would have told her that while he returned her feelings, it would be best to wait until after their current mission was over. Until after his obligations to Kikyou had been resolved and Naraku dealt with once and for all. But it hadn't happened that way, and he had been telling the truth when he'd said that he didn't regret it. He wouldn't regret it. The timing was bad, but ultimately, his goal had always been to eventually claim Kagome as his mate. Of course...he'd never told her that, so he couldn't really blame the girl for her thoughts on the subject.
I'm such a baka...
The future-born miko watched in silence as whatever thoughts had come to Inuyasha at her words played themselves across his eyes, his expression morphing into a wide array of emotions, most of which she couldn't hope to identify. But when his eyes suddenly softened, focusing on her once more, Kagome felt her heart try to leap out of her chest and a swarm of butterflies erupt in her stomach at the intensity of his gaze.
"Forget Kikyou." he whispered softly, though she heard him loud and clear. Reaching forward, he grasped her hand as he added, "I haven't pledged myself to her, Kagome, only my sword. My word is my bond and I vowed to Kikyou that I would protect and avenge her, but at no time did I promise her fidelity."
The miko gasped, and opened her mouth to speak, but he silenced her with a finger to her lips.
"Yes...had things been different, should there have been no Naraku, then Kikyou would have been my wife, but only half of me really wanted that future. The other half of myself was going to be put to death, so that I could be 'normal'. But what have you taught me? That I'm fine just the way I am. Kikyou never would have accepted being with me as a hanyou. She loved me despite my youkai blood. You...you just love me for me, youkai blood and all. She would have been my wife, but you're my mate. Understand the difference?"
"I...I think so..." she answered slowly, still in shock.
Inuyasha wanted to tell her about the soul bond; he wanted to explain to her how she could mark him in return and it would solidify their union for all eternity, but given the circumstances, and her shaky reaction to them being bound together in any fashion at all, the hanyou thought in that moment that it would probably be best to let her get used to the idea of being his mate in the simpler sense before springing something like that on her. As it was now, she was still his...like his wife in the human fashion, and the fact that she hadn't claimed him in return was completely irrelevant as far as he was concerned. She was the only one for him, for the rest of his life. There was only Kagome.
As the future-born miko in question correctly deciphered the love shining in the eyes of the man sitting before her, love that was shining solely for her, Kagome knew that even though things were bound to still be difficult for a little while as they adjusted to their newfound relationship, she would follow Inuyasha's example and not regret what had happened between them. Kagome had always been a fairly strong believer in all things happening for a reason, and if anyone had a leg to stand on as far as arguing the fact that their life was dictated by destiny, it would be Kagome. What Miroku had done, making that potion for Sango, which she had unknowingly consumed instead...Kagome would consider that incident destiny at work, yet again. She had drank the tea and come after Inuyasha because she was meant to, because honestly, how else would the two of them have ever eventually gotten around to admitting their feelings for one another? She knew damn well that she never would have approached him under normal circumstances, having previously believed that his heart predominantly still belonged to Kikyou. And from what Inuyasha had just told her, he had wanted to be with her for a long time now, but since she'd clearly had no idea that his feelings for her ran that deeply, the inu-hanyou had obviously not been making any attempt to get his feelings across to her. Just how long he had been planning on keeping her in the dark she couldn't be certain, though an educated guess would suggest he had wanted to wait until their mission was over. That would have been better...but then again, maybe not. Thinking about it for a moment, Kagome finally decided it was all right to be selfish, admitting - at least silently to herself - that she was glad her actions had forced him to confess his love in return. After all, who knew how long their mission would really take, or if all of them would even come out of the final battle alive? Kami forbid they were not granted the opportunity to live happily ever after, but if given the choice, Kagome knew that she would definitely prefer spending whatever time remained of their mission as Inuyasha's mate, and she was secretly glad that he had decided to recant his offer of letting her go. She didn't want him to let her go, and the fact that he had just stated that he wouldn't, that he would be keeping her whether she liked it or not, was exactly what she wanted to hear.
And speaking of hearing...was it her imagination or were her senses suddenly kicked up a notch from where they had previously been? She had been too physically and emotionally distracted to pay much attention before now, but as her sickness finally passed and she sat there in silence gazing into Inuyasha's eyes, Kagome couldn't help but notice how much sharper her hearing seemed, not to mention her sense of smell, and even the clarity of her eyesight. Was she imagining things, or was that somehow a side effect of the mating? She felt too embarrassed to ask Inuyasha about it, though, in case it was just some after effect of the tea, so she would wait and see if he broached the subject himself. Maybe the world just seemed so much clearer because an emotional veil had been lifted with their confessions of love.
"Come on..." she finally said after a moment longer, grinning from ear to ear like a fool as she reached for his hand, tugging him with her as she rose to her feet. "We better go check on Miroku-sama."
"Keh."
Following behind Kagome as she circled around to the front of the hut, Inuyasha's grin matched her own. Yes, there were a few things Kagome didn't know yet, but that conversation would come in time. All she needed to know right now was that he loved and wanted her. Everything else would work itself out.
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Love Potion # Kyuu