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What Matters the Most	By : Avarwen Category: InuYasha > Yaoi - Male/Male > InuYasha/Sessh?maru > InuYasha/Sessh?maru Views: 55388 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.

Chapter List
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A/N: Hello everyone!
I�d just like to start off by saying that I don�t like this chapter. I don�t think I did a good job on it, and it didn�t come out at all the way I wanted it to, but, after several rewrites and many hours of frustration, it�s the best I can do. Gomen for anyone who is unhappy with it. You�re not alone...
Anyway, on a brighter note, the next chapter is already finished, so it�s going up in a few seconds. ^_^
And for those who are wondering what happened to �surprise� don�t worry, it�s gonna be posted again just as soon as the enxt chapter is up-- I just realised that I posted it too early and I wanted to put some stuff in before it came along. Sorry for any confusion this causes. >_<

~*~

Despairing

Inu Taisho mentally sighed as he watched his eldest son continue storming about the room in that same frantic sort of manner he had been since he had called him in here nearly a full hour ago to try and wrest the full story from him.
It had been quite the effort considering Sesshomaru was giving him only the very shortest and curtest of answers he could, and refused to go into very much of any kind of detail on the issue.
�Sesshomaru.� He said, gently, trying to get his son�s attention, and failing apparently, as Sesshomaru did not so much look up at the sound of his voice, but continued with what he was doing instead-- which seemed to consist of moving in a small circular tirade around the room, occasionally picking up random objects as he went and replacing them in new areas of the room for seemingly no particularly reason other than as something to do.
Which, he imagined, was exactly why Sesshomaru was doing it.
He himself knew the pain and anxiety that came with waiting on news of the well being and whereabouts of your mate and child.
He had experienced the same sort of emotions on the night Inuyasha had been born with Izayoi. And before that with Sesshomaru�s mother, on more than one occasion.
Though it had never been as great as he imagined Sesshomaru was experiencing now. No one had been threatening to rape his mate and keep them as an unwilling concubine, let alone do heaven only knows to his one and only daughter, who may very well have been sired by said rapist.
It was much more than he cared to contemplate ever living through because he knew that, while his worry and pain at Inuyasha�s situation were great, they could in nowhere near compare to what Sesshomaru would be feeling.
That in mind was one of the few things helping him keep his temper at this particular point in time. Because, if ever there was a time in his life when he would have wanted to vent his frustration and just let loose his anger and wrath on everything and anything, it would be now.
And he could tell Sesshomaru was experiencing similar feelings as well.
Which is why he was able to be so patient with him now.
�Sesshomaru.� He said again, louder this time, drawing Sesshomaru�s eyes to him for all of a moment, before the youkai continued his frantic pacing. It was a slightly startling sight to behold-- his cold, composed son in such a state as this. But he wasn�t about to say anything. Why add insult to injury? Still, it was rather hard to talk rationally to a person who was moving about in such a way, and he was not about to have another fight with his temper by attempting to do so, so...
�Sesshomaru, sit down.� He commanded, letting an authority he usually reserved only for his subjects seep into his voice, pleased when it, if nothing else, got Sesshomaru to still in his mad movements and look over at him, his golden eyes dark and shaded and strangely emotionless as Inu Taisho stared back at him. The younger inu made no move to sit like he had been ordered. Inu Taisho didn�t really notice. He was too caught up in the misery hidden in the depths of those eyes. The despair and self loathing.
He had never seen his son look like that before.
And for a moment he falter... unable to do anything but stare at his son...
Then his senses returned to him, and he quickly cleared himself of those thoughts to focus more on the matter at hand.
Which, at the moment, was consisting of calming his son down. The question was, how did he go about doing that?
�Sesshomaru...� He started, then stopped, frowning slightly as he realised he had nothing to follow that word, and shaking his head. �You cannot save everyone all the time, Sesshomaru.� He finally said, his voice low and slightly dark and he contemplated his own words as they passed his lips.
To his surprise, Sesshomaru dropped his gaze, looking over at some unknown and entirely uninteresting spot on the wall, his face and posture stiff and cold. �No.� He said softly, his voice matching his pose, but with a slightly softer quality to it-- laced with undertones of despair. �I cannot. But I should at least be able to protect my family.�
Inu Taisho had no response to that, but that was fine, since it seemed that Sesshomaru was not quite done yet as he continued to eye the wall, his irises flickering from gold to a deep shade of auburn in their misery as he spoke.
�This is the second time since he has become my mate that I have let that monster sink his claws into him. And now he had my daughter as well, and both my son�s have been poisoned by Naraku.� His chest quivered slightly around it�s next breath, and he slowly lowered himself down to sit on the futon, knowing he would loose what little composure he had left if he were to remain standing. �The first time was hard enough on Inuyasha to recover from. He still had nightmares about it after the pups were born. And this time...� Sesshomaru paused, swallowing thickly, not liking to think about the words that were about to leave his lips, but unable to restrain them and hold them back either. �This time, he may not be able to recover at all...�
Sesshomaru fell silent for a moment, continuing to stare at the wall, which stared (well, as best as any inanimate object lacking the ability to do so could) dully back at him, as he silently willed it to become Inuyasha-- to have his mate appear before him, smiling, holding their daughter maybe... have this all been some sort of freakish nightmare.
It did not, of course, and Sesshomaru could not help but slump slightly at the realization that it wasn�t going to. No matter how much he wanted for it to be him, he couldn�t get his mate back like that. Not now. Not ever.
He closed his eyes slowly, fighting back the sorrow and anguish welling up within him, tilting his head forward slightly and slumping his shoulders-- allowing his bangs to fall and shadow his eyes in an unconscious mimic of the position Inuyasha used so often...
And Inu Taisho was more than a little startled at this-- not only because the position reminded him so much of Inuyasha-- but because his eldest son-- always so strong and devoid of emotions-- looked about a second away from shattering wholly and completely-- bursting into a million irreplaceable pieces and falling to the floor around him. And without Inuyasha here, there would be no way of picking up those pieces and putting Sesshomaru back together if he despaired...
�I can feel his pain.� Sesshomaru said softly, not bothering to look up, and Inu Taisho�s eyes narrowed slightly as he stared at his son, worry and confusion creasing his brow as he silently waited for his son to elaborate. Which he did. But it was slow, drawn out, and oh so soft-- barely anything above a whisper that even he, with his impressive and outstanding hearing, had to strain to catch. �I can feel him. He�s hurting. Naraku�s hurting him. I can feel his soul calling out to me and he despairs when I do not answer. And... he�s beginning to loose hope...� Sesshomaru trailed off, and Inu Taisho could feel his heart clench slightly at the utter misery present in that tone, and at the mention that it was formed from his son�s bond.
Your own misery and despair could be hard enough to deal with, but when it was combined with what mating allowed you to feel of your chosen�s... it was night unbearable. That was why many youkai killed themselves after their mates died: They could no longer feel their presence at all-- their youki�s had left them as well as their souls, and the remaining mate�s own youki would go mad in it�s attempt to find their mate�s missing youki and learn what had happened to it.
Youki, for some strange reason, did not seem to understand the concept of death when it came to their mates, no matter what the youkai themselves believed, and would not believe in death until there was nothing else left for them to choose, and, by that time, they had usually used up so much of the actual youkai�s energy that the being no longer had the strength or hope to live, and would not hesitate at the suggestion to follow their mate and join them together again.
However, there was a chance that that wouldn�t happen here.
Inuyasha might make it out alive.
Of course, if that didn�t happen soon, then Sesshomaru�s youki might assume that Inuyasha had abandoned him for another, which would, in turn, leading to the marks fading from Sesshomaru�s shoulder and there being a very good chance that, if Sesshomaru ever saw Inuyasha again, he would succumb to his youki, transform, and kill his former mate.
The same was probably true for Inuyasha, though it might not be as strong in the younger inu, since he was only half youkai, but it would still be present... and there was no telling what would happen if Inuyasha felt his mate was abandoning him while he was still in Naraku�s grasp.
Shaking his head slightly, Inu Taisho moved forward to sit next to Sesshomaru, who had been very still and quiet this entire time. But there was something different in him now. There was anger and determination there, rather than sadness. Well, no, the sadness was still there, and he supposed the other two emotions had always been there, but now they were much stronger and up at the forefront, rather than pushed to the back.
And Inu Taisho tensed slightly at this. Because he knew his son�s. And he knew what Sesshomaru was probably thinking about.
�Sesshomaru. You cannot go after him.� He said softly, drawing Sesshomaru�s sharp gaze up to him, fire kindling sharply just behind the ice sheets of his eyes, but he could see the questioning and defiance there, daring his father to give a reason or make an attempt at stopping him. And Inu Taisho did just that.
�Do not forget, Sesshomaru, you have two very sick son�s to look after here--�
�Arekusu and Inuko.� Sesshomaru cut him off, his voice low and slightly contemplative as he did not meet his father�s eyes, and Inu Taisho faltered slightly, frowning.
�What?� He asked, hoping against hope that what his son had just said somehow related to the conversation they were having, and was not, in fact, the first signs of madness.
�That is their names. Arekusu and Inuko. And Tsukiko.� Sesshomaru said, in that same, low monotone, catching Inu Taisho slightly off guard. Naming children had always been a rather sacred affair and a big deal-- especially in his household-- and it was not something that was ever taken lightly. Yet to hear that his grandchildren already had names after only two very short weeks of their lives... well, it was enough to effectively stun him into silence for more than a few minutes.
He was half-tempted to get angry at Sesshomaru, or exasperated-- find some sort of reprimand for his eldest son at having such an outright defiance to an age-old tradition, but decided that, considering everything that had just happened, it really wouldn�t be fair or right of him. Besides, those three pups were Inuyasha�s and Sesshomaru�s. If they had wished to name the pups now, that was up to them. He had no right to interfere. He was just a little disappointed that they hadn�t allowed him or Izayoi to be at least present, if not part of it.
�Alright.� He said slowly, a little off-balance now with all this unexpected information that seemed to be being heaped upon him in an almost constant stream. He swallowed, trying to remember what he had been saying, before continuing, picking up where he had left off before Sesshomaru�s interruption. �Now, Takehiko is a more than capable healer, but do you honestly think... Arekusu and Inuko... will survive very long if they cannot feel at least one of their parents nearby?� He asked rather sharply of his son, watching some of the defiance and determination wilt away to be replaced with something else... worry maybe, it was hard to tell with Sesshomaru. You rarely ever saw him show emotions, and so when he did, it was usually so rare and sudden that you were in a state of shock while it was happening, and by the time you got your wits about you, it was already over and you had no chance at guessing what it had been.
�Someone must look for Inuyasha.� Sesshomaru said slowly, a torn look crossing his features as he glanced longingly toward the door, wanting so much to go after and find his missing mate, and Inu Taisho mentally sighed and then nodded. �They are.� He said slowly. �I sent Katashi and his warriors out and they are hunting now even as we speak, and even Myouga is helping.�
Sesshomaru threw him a look that clearly indicated he had absolutely no faith in the ability of the one�s he had listed in finding his mate, and, had it been any other sort of situation, Inu Taisho might have smiled at the sheer predictability of such an expression. As it was, smiling didn�t really seem like a good idea at the moment, and so he just stared grimly back at his eldest son instead.
After a few moments of silence, Sesshomaru, seeming to accept his fate for the moment, rose slowly and soundlessly, making his way toward the door and exiting without another word, leaving his father alone.
He passed the ningen Izayoi in the hallway, but he did not pay her any mind as she glanced sadly at him, moving quietly toward the room he had just left.
She knocked gently and, receiving no answer, pushed open the door, entering into the room as quietly as a ningen could, her eyes moving in to land on her mate resting on the edge of he futon and looking much worse for the wear.
And why not, after all?
In the last few months he had had the task of mating his two son�s, holding the announcement ceremony, dealing with his son�s rape, then the pregnancy, the welcoming of the new pups into their homes, the life with the pups after, then Inuyasha disappearing and finding out that his grandchildren had names... not to mention all the other unrelated affairs that were currently going on elsewhere in the Western lands... It was a bit more than the old demon lord could take, and he was finding himself overwhelmed with it-- something that had not happened to him in many, many centuries.
�Are you alright?� Izayoi asked softly, her voice low and slightly sad as he slowly sat down next to him, making the futon shift lightly under her weight. Inu Taisho let out a sigh and gave a soft shrug, not caring at the moment how undignified that might look. Right now they were the only one�s here, and so no one else would be witness to this action.
Izayoi was silent for several moments, just staring at him, before she finally decided to speak again.
�What did Sesshomaru say?� She questioned quietly.
Inu Taisho frowned a little, running over his conversation with his son in his mind-- everything they had talked about in the past hour, and the extremities of the conversation... the exhaustion and despair that had followed every sentence they had spoken... And decided that he didn�t really want to live that right now. Still, he could hardly leave Izayoi with no answer, and so he settled for the simplest, but probably the most shocking out of their entire conversation.
�They named the pups.�
Inu Taisho wasn�t sure what Izayoi�s initial reaction to that had been, since he was facing away from her, but when he turned to look at her, her expression was one of surprise. Her dark eyes were wide in shock, as she blinked and looked up to meet his eyes, her forehead creasing slightly as she stared at him.
�What did they call them?� She asked slowly, no anger behind her words, just a sort of... slightly confused and surprised acceptance.
Inu Taisho frowned slightly, thinking back to the names his son had used, before speaking. �Inuko, Arekusu and Tsukiko.�
Izayoi�s eyes widened slightly in surprise. �Inuko?� She said softly as she stared at him, and Inu Taisho nodded. �Yes.� Izayoi frowned at him, and then raised an eyebrow in scepticism. �You�re certain you heard right?� She asked.
Inu Taisho threw her a strange look, but nodded his head nonetheless. He had a pretty good idea where she was going with this-- a similar thought had run through his own mind when he first heard the name, and he couldn�t imagine it slipping by someone as sharp as her either.
�But� Izayoi said slowly, still staring at him with slightly narrowed eyes �Inuko is a--�
�Girl�s name?� Inu Taisho cut her off, and she nodded, and Inu Taisho nodded. �Yes, I suppose it is. A mere technicality though. And since when have either of our son�s let such things as that get in their ways?�
Izayoi stared at him a moment, looking ever so slightly dumbfounded as she contemplated this, before shrugging one of her shoulders in a mimic of his previous action and offering him a small smile. �If they�re the same son�s I�m thinking of, never.� She said, leaning over to rest her head against his shoulder, causing his arm to instinctually come out and wrap around her shoulders, drawing her closer against him.
For several moments they sat like that, just enjoy the other�s presence, before Izayoi made the mistake of thinking again, and she found herself being drawn back into the present-- into the more serious problems than just the naming of their grandchildren.
And Inu Taisho smelt the change in her scent as it spiked with worry and sadness, and he was instantly tense, knowing what had caused it. Pulling away slightly, he brought his hand up toward her face and gently used them to tilt her chin up so that she would meet his eyes, upset at the sadness he saw there.
Humans were, of course, much more easily driven by their emotions, but that didn�t make it any easier to see such saddened longing for her missing child in his mate�s eyes.
It burned his own heart, further cutting into the wounds that were festering there-- working so hard to tear him apart at the seams. But he wouldn�t let it.
Not yet.
He still had a family to hold together, and he would see to it that they remained together, even if it killed him.
�Izayoi.� He said, his voice cutting through the silence of the air like a blade and drawing her gaze from wherever it had been before back toward the present and his face, her dark orbs locking with his own golden one�s as they stared at each other, and, swallowing any sadness or despair he himself might be feeling, Inu Taisho forced them from his face, replacing them only with determination and resolve, letting her know without words that this wasn�t going to be how it would end. They were not going to let Naraku get away with this, and she would see her son again before she died.
He would make sure of that.
He would make certain that Inuyasha and... Tsukiko made it home safely.
For the sake of Sesshomaru.
For the sake of Izayoi.
For the sake of the two pups that Naraku had almost killed.
For the sake of... himself.
And he could see Izayoi�s expression soften slightly as she stared at him (though the worry was still present there) as she smiled, and gave him a small nod-- trusting if not knowing that they would do everything in their power and, in the end, bring her son back home. Back to safety.

~*~

Glossary

Youkai - Demon

Inu - Dog

Youki - A demon�s spiritual energy

Ningen - Human

~*~

-Sir Magus - Lol, yeah, I am too. I�d hate to have to end this fic-- it�s so much fun to write it. ^_^ I�m glad you like it so much too! ^_^
-riddlestar - yeah I did. I�m an idiot though and decided after I posted that that I wanted something between serious and surprised, so now I�ve got this stuff and everyone�s probably gonna get all confused *sighs* ... anyway, I�m glad that that the chapter could help make your day a little easier on you. ^_^ Can get really stressful, I know. -- Lol, yep I do, I�m just plain evil, aren�t I? Especially when it comes to Inu and Sess. ^_^ Yeah, I don�t know how much more he�s gonna be able to take either after everything I�m putting him through... -- And yep, Tsukiko stood up for Inu. ^_^ I don�t much like calling him mother cause that implies that he�s a woman in my mind, and father get�s really confusing with Sess around, so I just stick with bearer. ^_^ Whatever works right? -- Sorry about the short chapter... I don;t know about longer, but you get two this time (although you have to backtrack a bit) so maybe that makes up for it a bit, neh? ^_^ And Sess will get there when he gets there... if at all. ^_^ Lol.
-nette - lol, yeah. I think I put it in too early though, so now I�ve added in these other things, and I�m just praying no one get�s confused. Yeah, that�s one of the reasons why I did it-- just one more way for Naraku to break Inu. -- Yep, Tsukiko �saves� inu and then screams with him. Not your average pint-sized hero, is she? ^_^ Still, whatever works. ^_^ -- Lol, thanks, but school�s over. Afraid I didn�t word that right. The end of school just led into some hectic dealings for the summer... nothing you should concern yourslef with. ^_^
-Angel no Yami - Lol, thanks! ^_^ Glad you liked it! ^_^ And you�re more than welcome for it. I know what you mean-- other sites send out emails, but AFF doesn�t do anything like that, so it can be hard to keep track of updates. >_<
-*blue_rain* - Lol, believe me, I am too. ^_^ And you�re only just beginning to like it? Hm... Well, it�s a start anyway. ^_^ And at least you are liking it. ^_^
-Incessant_Darkness - Lol, I�m glad I made your day. Hopefully all this chapter rearranging doesn�t confuse you though. >_< I don�t know what I was thinking, but I liked these two chapters (well, one of them anyay ^_^) so they need to be posted, and they don�t fit in after the collar, so this is the only place for them. Anyway... Actually, it�s probably better you don�t tell me what you�re doing to him. You�d only be giving me ideas for later in the fic. ^_^ -- Yeah, Sess hasn�t gone yet, and that�s why I needed to post this one, to try and better explain that a bit I think. I don�t know if I accomplished that, but at least I tried. ^_^ -- Mm, yeah. Poor Tsukiko... Lol, sorry about confuzzling you though. Lol, and thanks again! But seriously, all these compliments are just gonna go strait to my already swelled head, and that�s really not a good thing. Believe me, it doesn�t need to get any bigger. ^_^ Still, thanks again and a lot for all the wonderful compliments! ^_^
-Imani - Thank you! ^_^ -- Oh? Well I think I heard that before. But another site said it was Iron-Pulverizing fang, and then there were all these other sites that said it was something else, that I just picked one and went with that. Still, I don�t seem to be too inaccurate do I? ^_^ I don�t know if I�ll remember that, cause now I�ve got Iron pulverizing fang stuck in my mind, but still, thanks! ^_^

~*~

A/N: Well, that�s the chapter and, once again, sorry for the confusion. I�m hoping I don�t ever rearrange the chapters like this again, cause believe me, it�s just as confuzzling for me as it is for you.
Anyway, gotta go finish uploading the other chaps! ^_^
- 59
- 60
- 61
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